They were eating breakfast. "The trick cereal is keeping seventy percent of it above the milk." Burt took his bowl and drank all his milk. "Jerry, get a job or sell your plasma." The door rang. "Jerry, you should get it, since you're the man of the house and you don't have a job." He stood up and opened the door to find a courier flap. "Delivery for Rick, Morty, Summer and Jerry." Summer was disgusted by the floating ball of flesh. "Gross, what is that thing?" Rick stuck his hand into the ball. "It's a courier flap, it's like the intergalactic version of UPS but less off putting." He pulled out a High tech egg. "Oh shiit! An eggvite from a bird person! Must be time for his annual Oscar party, Just a hint: our Tv signals take light years to each his planet no one tells him Braveheart wins." Rick cracked the egg.

Hologram:

Bird person "greetings this is bird person-

Tammy "And Tammy!"

Bird person "Inviting you to the planet squanch for mate melding ceremony-" Rick covered it up and threw it in the trash.

Summer was exciting. "Oh my god! My friend Tammy is marrying bird person!" Jerry was out of the loop. "What the hell is a bird person?" Morty answered. "His Rick's best friend." Burt added. "I wouldn't label it like that." courier flap asked. "Would you like rsp or send a gift?" Rick answered. "No, Weddings are funerals with cake. If I wanted to watch someone throw their life away I would hang out with jerry everyday." Jerry looked annoyed and the courier flap confirmed and was about to leave. "Wait, hold on stay courier flap!" Beth told the meatball and turned to rick. " Dad, you have a friend who's getting married, that's a big deal." Jerry Attempted to insult Jerry. "It's a big deal he has a friend." Burt said. "Ship Jerry."

courier flap "Confirmed Shipping Jerry!" Ate Jerry and flew out of the house. They saw it fly into the sky. "Where is it taking him?" Rick answered. "I assume Planet squanch, six thousand light years." Morty spoke up. "T-That's insane!" Burt stood up "let's go to the wedding!" Rick groaned. "Fuck you Burt!"

Intro later.

The ship landed on the planet close to the wedding all wearing their formal clothes except Rick and Burt. "You could have put your tuxedo on." Beth berated him and Burt answered by pressing a button on his watch and it changed.

Squanchie greeted them. "Rick Sanchez psycho bag of Squanch! Burt how you Squanch eater! " Rick answered with. "Hey Squanchie." which the kids followed. "Morty, Summer!" Burt asnwered. "Looking for my meal." Squanchie walked toward beth. "And you must be Beth!" Kissed her hand. " Squanchie!" He said flirtatiously. "Your language has the word Squanch a lot doesn't that get tedious warn out like the Smurf thing?" Rick explained. " Squanchie culture is more contextual than literal, you just said what's on your Squanch and people understand." Beth understood. "oh, then I Squanch my family." Burt, Rick and Squanchie cringed a bit. "What? I Squanch my family." Squanchie raised his paws. "Stop saying it, gross." Squanchie lead every else to the venue. "Come on in guys, guests are having cocksquanches." Burt stayed. "Squanch I think I wasn't invited." Beth and Burt Watched as the courier flap arrived and threw up jerry. He panted looking around. "Where am I?!" Beth Answered. "Your at a wedding." She threw bag at him "go change." Burt followed.

Burt Looked around, something was odd. "Where are Tammy's relatives?" He asked Summer . "I don't Know, maybe they couldn't come here because it's the destination wedding location?" Burt groaned. "I know! screw those people! Anyway I see a humanoid in my range." He walked toward and got a cocksquanch thrown in his face.

After Ceremony Burt kept this nagging Feeling. "I don't trust this one bit." Beth stepped on his foot to shut Burt up. While Rick was hammered.

Squanchie officiated "In the name of the squanch, the six rivers, the four squanches, and the nine b*lls, I unite these two organisms in eternal squanch! Tammy, you may squanch your vows now."

Tammy started. "Birdperson..." Inhales sharply and takes out a note, "You are my seed, my worm, my earliness, and my lack of cats. I promise to be yours until your death."

Squanchie complemented. "Nice!" The audience Awwed. "Birdperson." He spoke in his normal tone death way. "Tammy, I was approaching infertility when I met you, but there is still time. I am yours until my death." Everyone Awwed, even Rick. "Burping Aww." Squanchie smiled. "I now pronounce you squanch and birdperson!" Cheers and applause and profane kiss. Burt checked his weapons. "Should have brought at least one blaster." Beth glared at Burt. "None of this make sense! One Tammy is what? 17 and second why would she be into him?!" She stomped on foot again.

Rick rang his Champagne glass. "Uh, hi, everybody. I'm ri*Burps*ck. You know, when I first met birdperson, he was, uhh... Listen, I'm not the nicest guy in the Universe because I'm the smartest. And being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their , I haven't been exactly subtle about how little I trust marriage." Burt nodded. I couldn't make it work, and I could turn a black hole into a sun, so at a certain point, you gotta ask yourself what are the odds this is legit and not just some big lie we're all telling ourselves because we're afraid to die alone? Because, you know, that's exactly how we all die... alone." The Smith's were a little embarrassed by that and Burt was still paranoid."

Rick continued. "But... but... Here's the thing. Birdperson is my best friend, and if he loves Tammy, well, then I love Tammy, too." The crowd cheered. Tammy stood up and spoke. "Thank you Rick, that was beautiful. Gosh I look around this room and I think ugh Tammy you're highschool senior from the planet earth, you're marrying a forty year old bird person, Like whaa?" The crowd laughed and Burt shot his phone out looking at Tammy's file. "Yea Tammy!" Summer encouraged." But then I think, "In a lot of ways I'm not a highschool senior from the planet earth, In a lot of ways, What I really am is a deep undercover agent for the galactic federation." She showed her Badge. "And you guys are all wanted criminals and this entire building is in a certain sense surrounded." Rick said in shock "Oh shit." Beth asked Jerry. "I don't get the metaphor." Burt looked at her. "She's a narc!"

Tammy pulled out a Gun. "Everyone here is under arrest for crimes against the federation!" Bird person stood up. "Tammy what are you doing?" She pointed the gun at him. "Sit your bird ass down." In his last words as a bird person he asked in a betrayed and sad tone. "Tammy?" She started firing at him. Rick in utter emotional pain yelled pulling her hair. "BIRD PERSON NO!" The rest of the guests pulled their guns out and a fire fight started between Tammy and the guests. Til the federations came down from the skylight shattering it and fired at the guest. Burt Tripping a table over, "We need to get out of here." Rick got his portal gun out and Tammy Pointed her gun at Rick. "Drop the portal gun!" Rick did. "Slide it to the center of the room." Rick did so after pressing a button on the inside. "Someone confiscate that and don't Damage it the—" It exploded in a gigantic flash. Burt stood and punched Tammy. "We need to get out of here!" Rick grabbed a gun and attempted to join. "Dad we need to leave now!" Rick pulled out his wormhole and fired on the ground and landed in what looked to be a bunker. "What the hell happened back there?!" Jerry asked, terrified. "I told you weddings are stupid!" Rick looked around.

Morty looked through a window and saw that they were in the middle of fuck knows nowhere. Inside of an asteroid in the middle of space. "U-uncle Burt where are we?" Rick explained. "It's Burts safe house that he uses when the heats on home, am I right?" Burt nodded and pressed a button after entering a code into it which on earth destroyed his warehouse. "Rick, could you tell us your relationship with this previously unmentioned Galactic government?" Rick explained, annoyed. "All the broad points are th*burp*ere, they think they rule the Galaxy, I disagree. Don't hate the player, hate the game son." Jerry accused Rick. "How can you be so dishonest to this family?"

Rick started into his rant. "Oh, should I have been more honest and trusting like my dead best friend? Or like your daughter who was Bffs with an intergalactic narc?" Summer was offended. "Hey! Tammy was cool!" Rick rolled his eyes. "Now we know why." Summer rebutted. "Because of you!" Burt just poured himself a glass of bourbon. "Fuck you summer! and Fuck the government and Fuck me for letting my guard down, Which I will never do again!" Morty tried to calm Rick down. "Jeez rick! You can't f you to your granddaughter." Ricked cooked up another burn. "I just did morty, here's dessert. Fuck you." Burt handed Rick a glass of bourbon. "Thanks."

Beth spoke up. "I think we all had a tough wedding, Actually the wedding was beautiful and the reception got out of hand— Anyway! We go Home, Sleep it off and have a family wedding in the Morning." Burt spoke up while Rick was drinking the bottle. "Sorry Beth but that's a no go, We can't go back ever." Except Rick, everyone in the family was shocked. "Wait what?" Burt explained. "They will torture us if they get their feelers on one of you if we go back. They will electrocute and burn your balls and or labia off. They will force you to tell them where Me and Rick. Which you will not know, which they won't believe. So who's up for a vacation!" Summer started crying. "What are we going to do? Where are we going to live?" Burt opened a room to a control panel. "Let's just look for a planet that isn't named dirt. Nancy Look up any planets perfect for human habitation." The computer analyzed. "632" Burt smiled.

Rick decided to ask. "How many of those are not under federation jurisdiction." It was processed again. "4" Rick smiled. "Still a good number! Let's find ourselves a planet!" The ship generated a wormhole and reached the first planet visited. It was a post-apocalyptic world.

They landed with the help of a ship that came out of the asteroid. "Seems nice, just needs fixing up." Undead started standing up from the rubble. "Go go!" They ran inside the ship and flew off before the shuttle launched a boom on the planet and burned all life on the surface.

Next world was on a cob and they got off.

After that they landed on a planet that only had one native species. "They're so cute!" Summer said, seeing the tiny fluff balls jumping around. One pooped and it smelled like rotten sewage, Burt looked around. "Ok let's check the other ones before we start killing them." They landed on a tiny world. "Ok, so which one are we going with? Because cob world, Burned crisp world aren't up for the vote. So stinky world or tiny world?"

The next day Burt was looking at surveillance images on earth. "Hey wanna explore the planet?" The head south going through multiple climate conditions. "South pole discovered!" Burt pointed. "Shit, there's a cave." They both climbed down it. "Bigger on the inside?" They continued walking. "You know this i-is um like when we used go hiking remember?" Rick asked. "Yea…" Burt was focused; they never went on hikes. "Oh look the planets core." They Continued til they were under the log cabin.

"I'm just saying, we keep acting like there's only two options, but there's not. So, yes, if we went back to earth, as long as Rick was out there, they'd want to interrogate us. But, and this is purely hypothetical, what if we turned your father in to the government?" Beth stood up angry. " Jerry, so help me God, if you ever bring this up again, no more bacon!"

Jerry went into a rant "There already is no more bacon! This world sucks! Our life sucks! Why are we doing this for someone that would never do anything for anyone but himself?"

Morty walked up. "That's not the point, dad! We love Rick... F-for the most part. And even then they also arrest uncle Burt."

Summer stood next to him. "Yeah, you don't love people in hopes of a reward, dad, you love them unconditionally."

Beth placed her hands on their shoulders with a smile. "That's very good, kids. I'm proud of you."

Jerry spoke for clarification. "Okay, so let me get this straight. For the rest of your lives, no matter how much it hurts you, no matter how much it destroys our children's futures, we're gonna do whatever Rick wants, whenever he wants?"

Beth and the kids agreed. "Yes."

Jerry demanded. "Why?!"

Beth walked up to Jerry with tears. "Because I don't want him to leave again, you dumb asshole!"

Burt and Rick looked at the walls. "Fucking bugs." Rick offered him his flask, and Burt took a slug. "Y-you know what we need t-to do?" Burt nodded. "Dad, I have done everything to protect this family and that includes you, so if you have some plan I'm in on it. Even if you're an ass across the multiverse." Rick had a realization. "Well, let's get some ice cream."

Burt was sitting in the ship. Uh hey…" Morty said, looking at rick. " Me and burt were gonna hop over to the gloppydrop system, get some ice cream." Morty nodded." You... you want me to come with? I mean, don't you need my brain waves for camouflage or something?" Rick sighed. "I'll be okay." He walked to the ship. "Bye, Morty." Morty didn't trust him. "Rick? You're not leaving, right?" Burt interrupted. "No, I will make sure he doesn't." Morty smiled completely trusting Burt and both flew to space.

Burt called the government after gibberish and pressing 2. a female alien answered. "Ongoing investigations." Burt sighed. "Hi, my name is Jerry Smith, I'm from planet earth. I know the whereabouts of Rick and Burt Sanchez, the wanted criminals." She sounded panic and passed the call. "Hold on!" Ringing. "This is special agent gribbles. You have a tip about Rick Sanchez?" Burt continued in a somber tone. "Yeah, he kidnapped me and my family, and he left us on dwarf terrace-9. He said he was gonna go to the plimplom tavern." The agent wrote it down. "And listen."

"Yes?" The agents concentrated. "I'm doing what's right for the galaxy by calling you, so if we come back to earth, can my family have a normal life?" Burt said a bit teary. "We only want Sanchezs, sir. Your family will be fine." Burt sighed. "Nice. Thank you. I'm Jerry Smith, and I love throwing up shit, just chunky pieces of shit. " The agent sounded a bit confused. "Uh... Okay." Rick chuckled. "God one." They landed on the planet, taking their last drink as freemen.

Both stepped outside and went on their Knees. Both got their mug shots by annoying monotone cyborgs, Burt flipped him off and then both were on the wall. "What are you here for?" Rick's neighbor asked. "Everything."