Oh you guys are in for such a treat! ;) Two chapters in one day? I hear you say! I'm like Jack the Ripper of the writing world! Now don't expect it for free, I want lots of reviews! Ha. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed the last chapter already! Please do keep submitting reviews for chapter 6 as well, I like to know where I'm going right and wrong. Just to warn, this is the chapter where things are going to kick off. It is still a T rating BUT NEXT CHAPTER IS GOING UP TO RATING M. PLEASE REMEMBER! :) Please enjoy! Got a little carried away today. I shouldn't be given days off.
Warnings: Swearing and content of a sexual nature.
Reid left the BAU offices in a hurry. His mind was whirling with the events of the last few hours. His body ached, his cheekbone throbbed and he felt slightly dizzy from the continuing headache. He was exhausted. The moment he got outside, he put his sun glasses on. It was a dull day, but the light still made his eyes squint painfully.
He made his way slowly and mechanically to the subway station. He was completely depressed. He could feel his whole life falling out from underneath him, like grains of sand shifting underneath his weight.
Is this how my Mom felt? That was all he could think about on his journey home. How his mother struggled with mental illness. In a few moments of mental clarity, he reviewed the events of the day. He thought about losing his gun and finding it in Morgan's drawer. He remembered the look of horror on Morgan's face when he saw the gun in his hand. Reid suddenly felt extremely guilty.
Morgan just wouldn't do that. He thought to himself. The symptoms of Schizophrenia suddenly flashed up in his mind. Paranoia. He quickly shook them away.
No, it had been Jason. Jason had done this, all of it. Reid tried his hardest to convince himself, suddenly he was hit with a strong memory.
"Spencer! Where is it?" Spencer was sat on his bed reading a book when he was interrupted by his mother, desperately searching his room.
"Where is what?" He stood, he grabbed his mother's arm.
She looked at his hand as if he had just spat on her. She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him hard.
"The knife, Spencer. The knife! Your father has hidden it in here."
Scared, ten year old Spencer's eyes started to water slightly.
"W- what knife?" His voice shook.
"He's going to kill me. I know it, he's going to kill me, Spencer." Diana paced up and down his room, wringing her hands as she did so. Spencer's face crumpled in upset.
"No, Mom... no, he's not."
Diana whirled round to her son.
"Are you in on it too?... My own son!" she spat. She shoved him into the corner of the room, his back hit the wall hard.
Tears began to roll down his face.
"No, Mom. Please! No one's trying to kill you."
Diana was searching through everywhere, emptying out drawers, throwing Spencer's books off the shelves. Finally she threw his bed covers across the room and lifted his mattress off the bed.
To Spencer's shock, underneath his mattress lay a knife. Diana's face was horrified, but also held a slight hint of satisfaction.
She pulled the knife out from under the bed.
"What do you think this is, Spencer? You're father has been trying to kill me and YOU have been helping."
Spencer pushed himself further into the corner of his bedroom. His knees came up to his chest and he wrapped his arms around them. He hated it when his Mom had the episodes of paranoia.
"Mom, please." He begged.
"How could you do this to me Spencer?" She asked sadly, looking at the knife.
"Mom, please." He sheepishly brought himself up to a standing position. "Please, give me the knife." The ten year old looked pleadingly at his mother.
She grabbed him by the collar pulling him close to her.
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" She screamed at the top of her voice, right in Spencer's face. Then she dropped the knife, shoved Spencer back and left the room wailing.
Spencer stood, shaking hard. Looking at the knife on the floor, tears started to fall down his face. And he collapsed back into the corner surrounded by the mess his mother had made.
Reid suddenly found himself sat with his head in his hands on the subway. The memory of his desperate mother felt like it was only yesterday. Reid could feel tears welling up in his eyes, he looked across the subway and a large unfriendly looking man was staring at him. Embarrassed, he turned himself away from his gaze.
I'm turning into my mother.He realised. He had tried to ignore the similarities between the circumstances: the loss of items, the ideas that everyone was plotting against him, the concerned looks from his colleagues, his inability to work, his increased frustration and depression. But it all made sense. Not to mention the dreadful headaches that had been splitting his mind for more than a few months now. The doctor was right. All Reid could think about was Hotch's face when he tried to tell him that he wasn't crazy. Hotch was sympathetic. Sympathy.
His mother always said, 'I used to think I was the sane one, and everyone else had issues. But when even the people who once hated me, looked upon me with sympathy, I knew I was the one with the problem.'
Sympathy was all he had seen for the last week. And concern. He had seen those expressions before, but not so consistently directed at him.
Suddenly his thoughts turned to Jason. He had shoved him onto the floor.
"Mom, no! Please! I didn't do anything!"
Diana shoved Spencer so forcefully that he couldn't keep his balance. He landed on the living room coffee table. He started crying.
"I'm not crazy, Spencer."
Reid shook the thoughts from his head. He had pushed away the only friend he had ever met outside of his team. And he was now suspended for it. Reid sat deep in thought for the rest of the subway journey, terrified of what this realisation meant for him.
Reid reached the door to his apartment, tiredly he put the key into the lock and opened the door. His apartment was in disarray. It was never in disarray. He wasn't one of these Hollywood depicted geniuses, who were so involved in their own minds they never remembered to clean. Reid had a place for everything. Seeing his apartment in this state reminded him that things weren't right.
Clothes were strewn across the floor, dishes were left in the sink to gather germs, his blinds were closed, drawers were left open and books were all over the place as opposed to being in the safe sanctuary of his book shelves. Sighing heavily, Reid bent over to pick up the first book in his path. His head throbbed painfully as he did so. Losing his balance slightly he just about made it across to the couch and dropped himself onto it.
He looked around his room again. Personal disorganisation, the link between mental disorders and poor living standards is well documented. Studies show that people suffering from severe mental illness often neglect hygiene standards, which often in turn worsens the mental state, further worsening the living conditions.
He was becoming a statistic. He had been home ten minutes when there was a knock at the door. He had been staring at the coffee table ahead for all of that time. Too tired to make an effort to do anything else. Reid slowly turned his head towards the door. Pushing his arms up behind him, he struggled to stand. Another knock on the door came.
"Coming." He mumbled, just loud enough for the person on the other side to hear.
He shuffled towards the door, the pain throbbing again in his head as he straightened up. He winced. God he was tired of these headaches.
Turning the handle of his door he pulled it back, allowing the person outside to see in through a small crack. It was Jason. Reid opened the door a little wider, standing in the gap between the door and it's frame.
Reid looked sheepishly at Jason, his eyes full of apology. The earlier feelings of distrust were still pulling at him, he dismissed them quickly as paranoia, smiling very slightly at his friend.
"Hey Spence." Jason spoke softly, that sympathetic look in his eyes. "Can I come in?"
Reid glanced behind him at the mess in his apartment and felt automatically embarrassed.
"Mmm... It's a bit of a mess." He mumbled, shyly. Still feeling awful about earlier.
"That doesn't matter. I can help you tidy up." Jason persuaded. Seeing the submission in Reid's face, he pushed gently at the door. Reid didn't stop him, merely closed the door behind him. He stood, watching his friend gaze around his apartment. The two didn't speak, and Jason didn't mention the mess. He turned back to Reid who was still by the door. "Sit down." He said kindly but firmly.
Reid dropped his gaze and obeyed. Jason felt a flutter.
He moved himself so he was sat next to Reid. A little closer than Reid would usually allow, but he didn't have the energy to be his usual nervous self.
"I'm sorry." His voice came out weak and child-like. "I shouldn't have blamed you." Jason put his hand on Reid's knee. He did flinch slightly at that.
"It's okay Spencer. I understand." He stared hard at him, hoping for some sort of response. But Reid didn't even look at him. "Do you want a drink? You got any hard stuff?"
Furrowing his brows, Reid thought for a moment.
"Mmm... I think there's some whisky in there." He pointed to an old fashioned drinks cabinet. It was obviously rarely touched and mostly there for display. But he did have some nice whisky glasses on the top of the cabinet.
"Whisky?" Jason raised an eyebrow at that. "Didn't have you down as a whisky drinker."
"I'm not." Reid answered. "Not often."
Jason nodded in understanding. He poured two large ones.
He knocked back a swig himself before giving the other glass to Reid.
"At least you get the good stuff."
Reid looked at the glass before lifting it to his mouth. The smell was foul. He really didn't like whisky, but sometimes when he felt numb, the utter foulness of it would bring his senses back to life. Thinking about the incredibly bad day he had had, he knocked back the whole glass in a couple of mouthfuls, wincing as he finished. The whisky felt warm as it travelled through his chest and down into his stomach. A tingling sensation tickled his limbs. He really wasn't much of a drinker. He relaxed his head back onto the couch. Watching him intently, Jason sat down next to him again. He poured Reid another large whisky.
"I really shouldn't." Reid said, trying to pass the glass away.
Jason cupped his hand around Reid's, guiding the glass back to him.
"A drink isn't gonna do you any harm, man. Not like you've gotta be anywhere tomorrow now, is it?" He smiled kindly.
Reid lifted his head at this, his eyebrows furrowed. He hadn't thought about tomorrow and what his suspension really meant. Frowning, he looked to the glass and took another large swig, wincing again.
"I've really messed up." Reid said tiredly.
Jason took a sip of his whisky then put it on the table in front of him. He turned himself to face Reid.
"Spencer. I don't think any less of you, you know." Reid glanced at Jason quickly, unsure how to react. When he found the man staring calmly at him, Reid levelled his gaze to meet his. "You are a good person, Spence. And I know you didn't mean what you said to me."
Reid's face twitched in his usual nervous way.
"I did at the time." He looked ashamed. Jason took hold of Reid's hand and guided the whisky up to his mouth. At first Spencer was a little taken a back.
"Relax Spence. Just relax, just let your head switch off for a little while." Spencer stared at him, nodding. He took another drink on Jason's instruction. This time he didn't wince. "You need to chill out, man, right?" He looked to Reid for an answer.
"Right." He replied softly, he eyed his glass again and took another shot.
Jason picked up the bottle again and poured some more into his own glass and then topped up Reid's. When Reid looked as though he was about to protest, Jason cut him off.
"Dude, we're getting drunk tonight. Stop complaining."
Reid pulled a lopsided smile as Jason went to clink glasses with him.
"Cheers." He said quietly. He took another small drink then stared ahead. Jason was still watching him. Reid's brows furrowed again as he fought with something he felt he should say but didn't want to. "I... I don't think I'm well." He said sadly. His mouth formed an uncomfortable tight lipped smile as it always did when he was uncomfortable. He took another drink.
"Whatever's going on with you, Spencer. You know I'm here for you, don't you?" Jason took a sip of whisky.
Reid's turned tiredly to face Jason.
"Why?" He asked quietly.
"Why?... Because I think we make a good team." He said gently, but confidently. Reid let out a slight laugh. Jason turned, slightly irritated. "What? What's funny?" Reid's head was hanging slightly forward now, it was obvious the drink was starting to affect him. They both knew he was a light weight.
"I dunno, just wanted to laugh." Reid then tipped his head back, a smile crossing his face. Jason watched him carefully.
"Yeah, well, as long as it's not at my expense." Jason murmured under his breath.
Reid turned his head clumsily in surprise.
"Now who needs a drink?" He teased. Jason searched Reid's eyes for any hint of malice, finding none he smiled and relaxed into the back of the couch. His body was still facing Reid. A posture that was not causing Reid any issues due to his slightly intoxicated state.
"I think that's you." He teased back, grabbing Reid's drink and forcing it up to his mouth. Reid jumped in surprise and struggled to swallow it. Some dripped down his chin and onto his jumper, some he spat out in surprise and the rest he awkwardly swallowed. He half coughed, half laughed.
Jason laughed out loud. Clearly amused by Reid's surprise.
"You son of a bitch!" Reid said in a high squeaky voice, smile plastered on his face. Jason opened his mouth in surprise.
"Oh, Dr. Reid. You swear?" He teased.
"When the recipient unquestionably deserves it, yes." He said, wiping his chin and his jumper.
"Sorry." Jason smiled. "I'll get a towel." He got up quickly.
"There's no need." Spencer said quickly, but he was too late. Jason was already up and on his way. By the time he got back, he was pleased to see Reid's drink was firmly back in his hand and he was taking small sips from it.
Sitting back down, he chucked Reid the towel. Reid nodded a thanks to him, patting his chin and jumper dry.
Picking up the bottle again, he topped up Spencer's glass one more time. This time Spencer didn't argue. His face was starting to look slightly flushed and his eyes were less focused.
"You feeling a bit more relaxed now?" Jason shuffled up on the couch, getting closer to Reid.
Reid took another clumsy sip of his drink and tipped his head back.
"I should do this more often." Reid mumbled. A combination of exhaustion and alcohol making him more tired than he should be. He licked his lips in thought. "It's hard with the team though." He started opening up. "They have so much energy sometimes... can barely keep up." He slurred very slightly. Then smiled, turning towards Jason. "How old do I sound?"
"You sound sensible, if you ask me."
"What? To never socialise?" Reid scoffed, turning away.
"To never socialise with them." Jason said nonchalantly.
Confused, Reid darted his gaze back to Jason. His eyes were questioning.
"What do you mean?" He asked softly. Jason opened his mouth to answer and then convincingly closed it, shaking his head.
"Forget it." He waved his hand dismissively.
Reid sat up properly now, he rocked slightly in his intoxicated state.
"No. What did you mean?" He pushed, his eyes wide open.
Jason turned to meet his gaze. His stomach did a little flip. Those eyes.
"I just meant that they're... not my sort of people." He answered, with little commitment.
"No, no you didn't. I might be drunk, but I know when someone is telling me the truth." Reid leaned in to him without realising, over doing the eye contact as many drunk people do.
Jason smirked slightly.
"I just, I don't think they're any good for you... For your health. Always telling you that they think you're not well. It's almost like they are trying to push you off the team or something." He said sheepishly. Reid looked hurt, his eyebrows twitched as he considered what Jason had just said. Jason continued, trying to quickly recover some ground. "Of course, that's just my opinion. That doesn't mean they are! It's just..." He trailed off as Reid's gaze left him. He sat back into the couch, resting his whisky glass against his chest.
Reid in that moment felt numb. Jason had just confirmed some of the thoughts that had crossed his mind over the last few days. Whenever he saw the other team members talking without him. Whenever they would go silent when he approached, all the times they had spoken to Hotch in his office and finally his suspension. He realised that the team saw him as a liability. And if they saw him as that, then they weren't true friends.
Reid swallowed thickly. The emotion building in his throat.
"It's okay." He said softly. "You're right." He tipped his head back again.
"I'm always here for you though, Spence. You know you can trust me, right?" Spencer tightened his lips and nodded. His drink was held loosely in his right hand, balancing precariously on his chest. It slipped slightly. Jason jumped, grabbing at it. "Watch it!" The movement made Reid jerk the glass in shock, spilling more onto his jumper.
"Damn it." He muttered. Leaning forwards to put the glass on the table. He looked for the towel. He suddenly felt a firm hand on his shoulder pulling him back to relax onto the couch.
"Let me see... Relax" Jason said calmly. Towel ready in hand. He examined the stain and started patting at the younger man's chest. The touch made Jason tingle. He took a deep, heavy breath. A movement that went unnoticed by Reid, as he lowered his head back onto the couch as the drink induced tingling sensations took over again, trusting Jason to deal with the stain.
Jason stilled his movements on Reid's chest, his hand rested over his heart. He was staring straight at Reid's face now.
Furrowing his brows, Reid lifted his head, opening his eyes. He looked at Jason questioningly.
Jason stared deep into Reid's slightly unfocused eyes and pushed himself forward to kiss the younger man. Just as his lips reached Reid's he was pushed away. Reid's eyes opened wide in shock and his mouth dropped open. He pushed himself back into the corner of the couch.
"What are you doing?" His voice was tense and on edge.
Irritation flashed across Jason's features and he suddenly grabbed Reid either side of the head and pulled him into a bruising kiss.
Spencer let out a startled yelp as he was pushed into the corner of the couch. His eyes were tightly shut and his hands came up to pull the man's grip away from him. In between kisses, he tried to speak.
"Jase-" He struggled more. "What do you-" Jason tightened the grip on his head. "Get-" He was cut off. Reid managed to find enough strength to push Jason backwards. "OFF ME!" He finished. His face was red, he was panting and his hair was messed up. His eyes were wide in fear, he stared at Jason in shock, his hands held up in defence. Jason stood himself up now and started pacing the room. This made Reid even more nervous. "I won't tell anyone." Reid said weakly. "I promise."
Jason turned to look at him. Anger burning in his eyes. Reid found himself leaning into the corner of the couch again, however vulnerable a position it looked, it felt safer.
"Why?" Jason asked him. Reid was taken a back by the question. "Why did you push me away?"
Swallowing, Reid didn't answer.
Jason continued.
"Do you think you're too good for me? Is that it?" Jason spoke, deeply wounded.
"No." Reid whispered. Feeling really scared. He knew how bad this could end up.
"Do you look down at me, Spencer? Just because I'm not a fucking agent?"
"No. You know I don't." Reid sheepishly glanced at Jason, his eyes were starting to glaze slightly with tears.
"Do I?" Jason moved towards him menacingly.
Reid looked around for something to help him, anything.
"Yes!" He threw out desperately.
"Then kiss me, Spence." He knelt down beside Reid. The younger man tensed. He didn't dare look him in the eyes.
"I can't." He answered honestly.
His right hand grabbed him harshly by the cheeks, he moaned in pain as his already punished cheek bone complained.
"All that help and support I've fucking given you, man." Reid's hands came up to his face to try and free it, Jason grabbed his right wrist with his spare hand and held it down against the couch. "I think you ought to start being grateful." He practically spat. He shoved Reid's face backwards violently, releasing his grip. Reid winced. "Now kiss me." Jason ordered. When Reid just stared in frozen shock, Jason pulled out a kitchen knife. One of Reid's kitchen knives. This didn't go unnoticed.
Struggling to speak, Reid managed to squeeze out some words.
"You... planned this." He gasped as the knife came up to his cheek.
"No actually, Spencer. What I had fucking planned was that you would do as you were told, which is shut up and put up. But you've not even got the sense to do that. Perhaps a knife might chance your position on the whole kissing issue?"
Reid's face crumpled and tears started to leak from his eyes. His eyes were begging his 'friend'.
"Please don't do this." His voice came out weak.
"Oh Spence." Jason let go of his wrist and stroked his face, wiping a stray tear away. "I just can't let you go."
He moved in to kiss Reid, who out of instinct pulled his face away. Grabbing Reid by the collar, Jason pulled him back towards him and pressed the knife right up against his cheek, until a tiny drop of blood rolled down his face. Reid closed his eyes tightly as he froze. Jason started kissing him again. Getting carried away with himself he climbed on top of his victim and pushed him right into the corner of the couch again, this time with the knife keeping Spencer firmly under control. The kisses got more passionate and desperate and Reid could feel the panic building up inside of him, all he wanted to do was push the man off him but the sharp blade of the knife stopped him from doing what his whole body was willing him to.
Jason finally slowed down his movements, he was breathing heavily and his face was flushed.
"You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that for." He smiled against Reid's lips, giving them one last quick kiss. Then to Reid's relief, he shifted his weight and stood up. Picking up his glass of whisky, he downed it.
"You wanna drink?" He held Reid's glass out to him.
Reid looked at the glass like it would kill him. He shook his head meekly. His hands were shaking and his head was pounding.
"We've gotta get outta here." Jason continued. Reid looked up at him, concerned. He hadn't really figured what this was going to lead to.
"We can stay here." Reid suggested.
Jason just laughed at him like he did when they were friends, no more than 10 minutes ago. Reid looked at him, saddened.
"No, we've gotta get out of here. It'll be better for us, to spend some time together." He said that with little innuendo. This was when Reid realised he was in deep trouble. This guy wasn't just a sadist – he was obsessed with him. This guy actually believed that he cared about him. That made him more dangerous and made Reid's position all the more precarious.
Swallowing back the panic, Reid looked to his bag which contained his mobile phone. Jason was pacing the room trying to figure out a way of getting them out of the building. He knew that Reid was a risk taker, if he saw a chance of getting away, he would take it, knife at his throat or not. In a locked room, however, he was much more controllable. He just simply couldn't walk him through the corridors of the building and out into the open air. He paced around the back of the couch.
Reid glanced over his shoulder, noticing that Jason was distracted. He quickly leaned over to his bag on the floor next to his feet and scooped out his mobile phone, finding it without trouble for once. He quickly dialled the last caller and the phone flashed up with MORGAN. Jason turned around, just in time to see Reid with his phone in his lap. Grabbing a lamp off the side table, he swung it at Reid's head before he even had chance to notice he'd been caught.
The lamp connected hard with the young agent's head. He fell forward and sideways unconscious. The phone had dropped to the floor and Jason picked it up just in time for Morgan answering.
"Reid? You okay?... You there, kid?... Reid!" Jason pulled his face and put down the phone. He hated that overprotective piece of shit. Looking down at the unconscious Reid then glancing to Reid's window, he figured the fire escape would do. After all, what were escapes for?
Morgan, Rossi and Hotch all approached Reid's door, guns drawn. Hotch led the way. He and Rossi stood either side of the door. He nodded at Morgan to kick the door down. Hotch entered the apartment first.
"FBI!" He shouted. The living room was empty. He looked to the two whisky glasses set down on the table. He pointed Rossi to go towards the kitchen and Morgan was to follow him to the bedroom and bathroom. Standing by the door handle to one of the unknown rooms in Reid's apartment, Hotch nodded to Morgan and he turned the knob. Morgan entered the room first, Hotch kept his eye on the corridor.
"Clear." Morgan stated. The door had led to the bathroom.
They also heard Rossi shout from the kitchen.
"Kitchen's clear."
The agents carried on, opening the other two doors in the flat, both bedrooms and both empty.
"Guys!" Rossi shouted from the living room. Morgan and Hotch followed his voice. Rossi held up Reid's phone and was stood by the slightly open window, leading to the fire escape.
A look of horror flashed across Morgan's face. Hotch tensed.
"We were too late."