Here's another short chapter brought to you by 1 AM coffee-induced anxiety-fueled insomnia

I'm not doing shout outs this chapter because I'm running late for class and want to get this one up

It was a long six months to the 71st Hunger Games. I spent most of the time in the Capitol, as was expected, but I was allowed to go home the last weekend of each month. Plus, there was a phone in my mentor suite. Katniss and I had come to the arrangement that I would call her, not the other way around, just in case I was working, which I was most nights. Caspian called me every Sunday, which, for the most part, I had off for sanity reasons. Sol and Killian would talk to me, too. My mother would talk to me when she was around, but for the most part she stayed with Dell and wasn't at the house.

Some sad, pathetic part of me was looking forward to the reaping. I would get to go home for the day, I would see Katniss when I got back to the Capitol, and I would have less appointments to make way for my duties as a mentor. It was selfish, really. But being selfish came hand in hand with being a victor.

So I was sitting on the train the night of the reaping, with two strong, able-bodied children. I was glad to be twenty, because I was no longer the same age or younger than my tributes, which was sometimes very uncomfortable. I felt sorry for them. They were both careers and they both had a slight chance of winning, but it made me sad, the way the Capitol and the District had brainwashed them into thinking this was a good thing. Chances are, they would be murdered in some brutal, bloody way. But they didn't know that.

I poured myself my third drink of the night (it was to be my last one), and stared at the boy, pretending to be interested in what he had to say. I was not feeling myself that night, and really just wanted to go to sleep. Preferably with Katniss curled up next to me, but I knew that wouldn't happen any time soon. Britt stared at me from across the table and I caught her eye. She raised her eyebrow at me. She knew I was tired.

"Excuse me, Martin," she said to the male tribute. "Put the wine down, Finnick, and pay attention."

I stared at her blankly, trying to figure out what she meant. Then she pointed to where my left hand rested, on the top of the bottle of wine, fidgeting with the lid. Mindlessly popping it off and back on again.

"You're fidgeting. Please stop." she clarified.

"Sorry," I muttered, wrapping both hands around my glass of scotch to keep them occupied.
Britt continued to watch me. She was one of the only people from back home who knew what was actually going on with me. Not even Caspian knew the full story. Just Britt and Mags. "Why don't you just go to bed?" she eventually said. "You look dead. I'll take care of the kiddies."

I felt my entire body slump with relief. "Are you sure?" I asked anyway.

"I've got it handled, Finnick. Go to sleep."

I nodded and stood up, feeling myself sway slightly on my feet.

"Let me know if you need anything," the girl said. "Maybe some company or…"

I felt myself go stiff. Disgusting. I turned around in time to see Britt's mouth open to give her an earful, but I beat her to it, surprising myself with how calm I sounded. "That's completely inappropriate, Elara. We might be close to the same age, but I want you to remember that we have a mentor-tribute relationship. The moment you volunteered, I became your teacher. I don't care how the media paints me, I don't care how many teenage girls you see me out with, I don't care if you think I'm attracted to younger girls. I'm a person, not some slab of meat that you can just toy with. I have feelings and emotions. I'm not just a body. And I want to be left alone."

Elara just stared at me. Britt had a small smile on her face that she was fighting to hide, Martin laughed outloud. The new escort, Cymbeline, looked absolutely appalled by my outburst. I turned back around and exited the car, finding my way into my room. I walked straight into the bathroom, turned the shower water onto what Caspian liked to refer to as 'raining hellfire,' and undressed.

That's when I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I covered all the mirrors in my room in the training center, so I hadn't actually seen my reflection like this in a long time. I didn't like seeing myself when I got home from appointments, so the easiest solution was taping up sheets over all the mirrors. But I hadn't done it in the train.

I was surprised by my reflection. I was thin, much thinner than I had ever been before. Usually Adonia stopped it before it became clear that I was losing weight. I wondered why she hadn't this time. My loss of weight led to my muscles being much more defined, as well as my ribs. I turned around to try to see my back in the mirror. There were angry red marks running up and down the length of it. Nail marks, most likely. I turned back around and noticed the bruises on my stomach for the first time. I stared at my face and saw how gaunt my cheeks were, how dark the bags under my eyes were.

For the first time ever, I allowed my mind to drift back to the appointment I had the night before, wondering how I allowed these marks to go untreated. That's when I remembered. Ms. Halls. She knocked me out. I had known it was coming. She stood just inside the door waiting for me, and I knew she was there, but I let her do it, as was my occupation. When I woke up, groggy and sore, she had tied me to the bed, and was having the time of her life.

I was allowed to leave not long after that, and collapsed in bed as soon as I got home, knowing she would be my last appointment for at least two weeks. Maybe more.

I groaned. I should at least make my face look presentable. If not for the Capitol, then for Katniss, who I would see in just a few short days.

…

It was a half hour later that I curled up in bed. I realized I should probably call Katniss, to make sure she was alright, but I didn't have the number for her train, so I just laid in bed and stared at the phone, as one does.

It was around nine at night that the phone rang. My hand shot out without thinking and pulled it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Finnick? It's Katniss."

I rubbed my eyes and rolled onto my side, pulling the blanket over my shoulder. "How goes it?"

"Um… my tributes are… District 12 average."

"At least they're not below District 12 average."

"You sound terrible." she said.

I snorted. "So I've been told."

"Are you alright?" I could hear the deep concern in her voice.

"I'm fine."

"O-Okay. If you say so."

"Are you alright?" I asked her in turn.

"Not… not really." She admitted. "Have you seen the reaping recaps yet?"

"Yeah," I said, not really getting it yet.

"District 7-"

"Oh," was all I said. DIstrict 7, Johanna Mason. A volunteer. She didn't look like much at all, but I knew her backstory. She was revenge-bound. "Johanna."

"She looks just like Cameron, Finnick." Katniss said in a small voice.

Oh man. This would be a long week. "I know, Love. I saw her. Listen, I promise I'll be waiting for you at the train station, alright?" We can go anywhere you want and do anything." I felt myself smile a bit. "In the training center, of course. We can ask to leave, but I doubt we'd be allowed."

"Okay," I could hear a slight smile in her voice.

"Okay." An idea hit me as I heard her soft voice continue speaking over the phone and I pulled out a slice of paper, which I started to write notes on. For the first time in my life, I wanted to talk to President Snow. And it was about Katniss.

…

As I promised, I was waiting for Katniss when she exited the train. "Finnick!" she squealed. Yes, squealed.

"It's only been six months," I told her, a fond smile on my face as she ran up to me and threw her arms around my neck.

She stared up at my face, making the hug brief for the sake of performance. "You look terrible," she said, looking straight through my facade.

"Do you want to get food?" I asked, ignoring the question.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, go to a restaurant?" I rephrased.

"We can do that?"

I nodded. "I have it all cleared. There's some safety protocols, of course, but I talked it through. There's a car waiting for us if you want it."

"I've never been to a restaurant." she said hesitantly.

"Trust me, it's a lot of fun. But, if you prefer, we can just chill on the roof and drink hot chocolate." I offered.

"Do restaurants have hot chocolate?" she asked. I grinned and nodded. "Then let's go."

I led her by the elbow out of the train station and into a waiting limousine.

I closed the divider between us and the Capitol driver so that he couldn't see us, then sat next to Katniss. She smiled softly at me. "How are you really?" she whispered.

I shrugged. "Just tired, I guess."

"You have a stain on your shirt."

I looked down and felt myself panic. That was blood. I didn't want Katniss to see the current state or my torso.

She picked at the stain, thinking it was on the outside, and I could tell the exact moment when she realized it was actually blood.

"Oh my God," she whispered. Without hesitation, she lifted the hem of my shirt up to my ribs. "Oh my God," she said again. "Finnick… what?" she seemed incapable of stringing a sentence together.

"It was just a client. I forgot to treat it."

When she looked up at me again, I could tell she was close to tears. "Are you even eating?"

Oh. Right. I forgot just how unhealthy I looked. Just how defined my ribs had become. "Most of the time."

"Finnick, I'm terrified. You need to take care of yourself." she said.

"Yeah," I responded, putting my shirt back into place and pulling her closer to me. "I know."

"Please, Finnick. Start eating."

"I will. I promise."

"Is this, like, a body image problem?" she asked. "Because I don't know why you would be self-concious about your body, or feel like you need to lose weight. You have the perfect body."

I nodded. "I haven't even realized I've been doing it, I just have. I guess I just go to sleep without dinner, or wake up and go to an appointment without breakfast, or forget to eat lunch for one reason or another. But I swear I'm not doing it on purpose."

Katniss nodded slowly. "Okay. I-I believe you."

"Now what's up with you?" I asked.

Katniss hesitated. At that exact moment, the limo pulled to a stop in front of the restaurant. "I'll tell you later. For now, let's just keep things lighthearted, alright? They never are, but let's just go in there and be two friends out for dinner."

I nodded. "Alright. Two friends out for dinner. We can do that."