A/N from 23/03/2012: Can the reviewer "Silver" please contact me? This is quite random but if you have an account please PM me. Thanks xx And thanks for all the reviews so far x
Woop, update! This is a slightly shorter chapter. It has been rather exhausting too. I'm not totally sure about it to be honest, I know I've said it before, but I'm really not sure how people will feel about this chapter. I suppose in a way, some characters are a tad OOC, but I need to keep this story moving at a fair pace and I felt that this might be how they might deal with this. Anyway, please let me know what you think! Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews of chapter 20! I hit a record 13 reviews for the last chapter! So thank you :) please keep R&Ring, they make my little world go round! ENJOY!
The team waited impatiently in the waiting room. Morgan was pacing the room, Hotch constantly shifted, trying in vain to make himself comfortable. Rossi tapped his leg up and down incessantly, JJ kept running her hands through her hair, piercing each member of staff with a deadly glare when they walked towards the group and carried on past. Prentiss was sat forwards, head in her hands sometimes, other times she huffed tired breaths out, resting her chin on her fist.
They were all fed up of waiting. It had been well over an hour since they had arrived at the hospital and were told that Reid had been rushed in for emergency surgery.
Garcia shuffled her way through the waiting room with two plastic cups of hot coffee. She handed one to JJ, spilling it over her own hand as she did so.
"Ouch." She hissed under her breath. She was a nervous wreck. Which automatically made her clumsy.
"Thanks." JJ said quietly. "You okay?" She asked, as she watched Garcia blowing on her hand trying to stop the small burn from stinging.
"Yeah." Garcia said. Her voice slightly choked. She was going to cry again if she wasn't careful.
"What the hell is taking so long?" Prentiss asked, suddenly seeming very frustrated. She stood up and started pacing the room.
They all watched her for a few moments through concerned eyes. Morgan then grabbed her gently by the arm.
"Come on, Emily. Let's go get some coffee."
"I'm sick of drinking coffee." She said, the frustration not quite leaving her voice.
"Well get something else then. There's plenty of machines." Morgan answered straight away, not put off by her attitude.
"You think they do gin?" She asked dryly.
"If they did, you think I'd be sat here?" Rossi said, half humorously, trying to lighten the mood slightly.
"There'd be none left." Hotch added quietly. A rare small smile on his face.
There was something about hearing Hotch make a joke, however small. It always made them smile, as if they had permission to have a little bit of fun.
"He'd have to get past me first." Garcia said, eyeing Rossi in a gentle challenge.
"No, babygirl. You'd be at the wine." Morgan retorted, a little smirk on his face.
JJ turned to Garcia, giving her a sly little smile, remembering her story about Derek being in her shower at 7am.
The team all smiled and chuckled at each other for a few moments. It felt so good for them to laugh.
"Spencer Reid?" The voice suddenly cut through the light-heartedness and their faces returned back to the troubled and depressed expressions they had been wearing for the past week.
"Yes. That's us." Hotch said, automatically standing and shaking the doctor's hand. They were all holding their breath, desperate to hear that Reid had made it through the surgery.
"I think you'd better sit down." The doctor said sadly, his face was pale and he looked tired. Either he'd been on a long shift, or Reid had exhausted him. The team exchanged uneasy and terrified glances. Hotch immediately fell to his seat, Prentiss returned to hers but Morgan remained standing, feeling more in control in that position.
JJ's teary eyes looked to the doctor.
"Is he..." She couldn't finish the question. Tears escaped from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. He couldn't be dead, not after all of this.
The doctor furrowed his brows.
"Spencer suffered a fractured rib, which caused damage to his left lung, puncturing it, causing it to collapse. We managed to repair the damage to the lung," The team breathed a huge sigh of relief. JJ and Garcia broke down into tears, hugging each other. The doctor continued, "it can take many weeks for breathing to return back to normal, however. So he may struggle to begin with. He will have to patient, he won't be able to do as much for a while."
"Thank you so much, doctor." Rossi said passionately. He could have given the doctor a huge kiss right there and then.
The doctor gave a small smile in return, but his face did not look relieved.
Morgan's heart leapt up into his throat.
"What is it?" He asked, his eyes wide.
"His injuries are quite extensive. I was looking at his earlier report from just over two days ago and it documented a variety of injuries. Aside from the stitched wounds, none of these injuries are showing any improvement, which, under the circumstances is to be expected. The cuts to his hands are showing signs of infection, as is the wound to the back of his leg. He may have a fever for a day or two, he has been prescribed IV antibiotics to treat the infection. He now has fairly large wounds around his wrists, seemingly from some sort of chaffing from one thing or another. These have been cleaned, stitched and bandaged." Hotch nodded, they all knew that had most likely come from being suspended from the ceiling. "The bruising to his chest and back is severe. He will be in a lot of pain for the next few days as they heal. The same goes for his fractured cheekbone. He will need plenty of pain killers at regular intervals if he's going to rest comfortably."
"He doesn't want narcotics." Hotch said simply.
"This isn't something I can discuss with you I'm afraid. So far, I have gone by his wishes, however, when he's more alert, it will need to be discussed with him. He is going to experience a lot of discomfort and I really do feel a mild opiate would be beneficial to his recovery."
"No... No way. He won't agree to that." Morgan said, categorically.
The doctor looked slightly taken a back, but met Morgan's gaze regardless.
"As I said, this isn't something I can discuss with you. It is Spencer's decision, at the end of the day, none of us can make that decision for him."
"Is he awake?" Garcia asked gently.
"Yes, he is, but he is still in recovery. He will be out in about half an hour. You can see him then."
"Thank you." Hotch said in a professional manner. Effectively finishing the conversation. But the man didn't leave. He just shifted uncomfortably.
"There's something else you should know... I noticed on the report from his last admission that he had been sexually assaulted. I'm afraid he has been subjected to the same ordeal again and..." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "And frequently... by the looks of it."
They all knew it, they didn't need telling. But hearing it made it harder to take in somehow. It made it all much more real.
They had yet to really deal with that issue. They hadn't kept him safe long enough to ever deal with the aftermath. Now this time, it was going to be much worse. Going through an ordeal like that once is bad enough, but escaping from that, just to thrown right back into it again had to be soul destroying. It had been bad enough for them as spectators, never mind as the victim.
"Yes. We did expect that." Rossi said quietly. His normally olive skin was now a paler version of itself.
"I will be transferring him back to Dr. Marston's care once he has left the recovery room. She will be able to do referrals for psychologists and various other services." This time the doctor stood up to leave.
"Thank you again. You saved his life." Hotch said, reaching his hand out to shake the doctor's.
The doctor just nodded once, dutifully and left the waiting room.
Hotch fell back down into the chair behind him, sighing in complete relief.
"We've got him back." Garcia said shakily. The tears running down her face. Her eyes were wide in disbelief. "We've got our baby back, Morgan." She looked to the agent who was brooding over her. He then smiled, tears escaped from his eyes as he wrapped his arm tightly around Garcia's shoulders. A few hours ago, they had thought they would be planning a funeral by now.
"I can't imagine what he has been through." Prentiss said, her voice emotionless. She knew how she felt after the whole Doyle saga, but seeing that room and the state her colleague was in, clearly Reid's experiences far surpassed her own.
Garcia furrowed her brows, asking a question she didn't want to ask.
"Was it bad?" She asked tentatively.
"Yeah baby girl. It was bad." Morgan said, honestly, tightening his grip on her shoulders. "Steve and Jason were both on the floor, dead. Steve's throat had been cut and Jason had been stabbed in the neck. Reid said that he'd killed him."
"Oh my god." Garcia gasped at the thought. That sounded horrific.
"When he heard us coming downstairs, he hid himself under the bed." Rossi said sadly, shaking his head.
"Oh my poor baby." Garcia gasped, just desperately wanting to see him. Reid was a fighter, they all knew that, but if he had resorted to hiding himself like a scared child, he'd clearly taken as much as he could.
The team then sank into their own depressed thoughts. Each focusing on the moments of Reid's ordeal that had affected them most, whether it was finding him under that bed, watching the tape, finding the various restraints on a blood covered bed – each of them had their own personal idea of hell. But they all agreed on one thing, Reid had been there and back.
After a good half an hour of sitting around having stunted conversations, a familiar face finally came into view. She smiled brightly at the team, knowing that this time Reid was definitely safe.
"Can't say I'm glad to see you back here, but I am glad to hear of the developments regarding your friend's attacker." She moved to shake the hand that Rossi presented to her.
"You're not the only one. Perhaps this time, he'll get the chance to heal." Rossi said dryly.
"I've no doubt about that." She said positively. "If you come with me, I will take you to his ward. He is awake, but I must warn you, so far he hasn't been very talkative. We will be starting from scratch with him again I think." She said, thinking back to the small progress that was made last time he was under her care. The team were now following her through the corridors, their stomachs flipping at the thought of speaking to Reid again.
"We don't care." JJ said instantly. "We're just glad to have him back. We will do anything to help him."
"I know you will." Dr. Marston smiled. "He's lucky to have you... all of you." The team smiled to themselves. That was the first time they had felt that way since he had gone missing the first time. They had spent the last week thinking about how unlucky Reid might have considered himself, to have such useless profilers for friends.
Dr. Marston then turned off into a ward, it was different to the last ward, but the layout was almost identical. She stopped outside a room.
"Okay, this is Dr. Reid's room. Ideally I would say two of you at a time, but I know how desperate you will all be to see him. So I must insist that you do not crowd him and if you see any signs of him becoming overwhelmed, then please leave the room immediately. There are a lot of you and he might find it a little daunting, however well he knows you." Her eyes were serious now. However much she liked the team, Reid was clearly her priority.
They nodded.
"We will be sensible." Hotch answered seriously.
"Let's go then." She said, knocking on Reid's door. No response came. She opened the door regardless and looked to the young man who was sat up slightly in the bed. "I've got some people here to see you, Dr. Reid." She smiled, motioning the group inwards.
Reid barely moved his gaze to meet his colleagues. They went straight towards him, but not too quickly. Dr. Marston then smiled sadly, closing the door behind her.
Reid looked awful, but a damn sight better than he had looked just a couple of hours before. He looked clean at least. But the bruises and swellings marring his face made the team wince. His face must have been consistently throbbing. His bandaged arms lay on top of the white sheet that covered him and his dirty, blood covered hospital gown had been replaced with a clean one, that was clearly two sizes too big. Two IVs were linked up to his arm and a sphygmomanometer was wrapped around the other, automatically checking his blood pressure at regular intervals. His hair was still dirty however, in tangled knots hanging down around his face.
But it was his eyes that told them everything they needed to know. Last time, his eyes were haunted. This time, they were dead. They were the eyes of someone who had seen all they could see, endured all that they could endure. They were the eyes of a person who had come to terms with death and had already detached their thoughts and emotions from their body, in order to deal with the inevitable journey to the other side. But for Reid, that never came. So now he just looked like a man, living, who was ready to die.
As always, Garcia was the first to move up to Reid. She quickly pulled a chair up to the bed.
"Oh my god, Reid, sweetie." She grabbed his hand gently, taking care not to squeeze his broken knuckle. Reid just stared forwards, his eyes not looking at anything in particular. Prentiss was in his line of sight, but she knew he wasn't registering her. His chest rattled as he breathed in and out. Hotch and Rossi exchanged worried glances, then each pulled in chairs to sit down. "We thought we'd lost you." Garcia cried to her younger colleague, kissing his hand gently.
"Reid?" JJ asked, glancing to Morgan who now had a similar concerned expression. "Reid?" JJ tried a little louder and stronger. She then nudged his shoulder with her finger, desperate tears were starting to trail down her face at his lack of response. But suddenly, his eyes became alert, as if he had been pulled from underwater. He gasped slightly and instinctively pulled away from the hand that was gripping his.
"Reid. It's me." Garcia said, looking slightly hurt by her colleague's apparent brush off. But at that, his body instantly relaxed and he sank back into the pillow.
"Garcia." He breathed out, the relief clear in his voice. He closed his eyes, not quite believing he was finally safe.
She took hold of his hand again and this time, he allowed her to keep it.
"We thought we'd lost you." She said quietly, tears streaming down her face once again. It was surprising any of them had any tears left.
Reid just gave a tight lipped smile. It wasn't genuine. He then winced.
"Are you in pain?" Morgan asked quickly.
He nodded, his face scrunched up slightly. He took a sharp inhale of breath through his teeth.
"Where does it hurt?" Garcia asked, feeling him squeezing her hand tightly.
Reid gave a small, humourless laugh.
"Everywhere."
"Reid," Hotch started seriously, "the doctor wanted to speak to you about pain medications-"
"I don't want any." Reid snapped quickly, wincing again.
"They said they can give you some mild-"
"I said no." His stern gaze landed on his boss. It was unflinching.
JJ raised her eyebrows.
"That's okay, Spence." Suddenly realising what she'd called him, she became very uncomfortable. "I'm so sorry!" She said quickly.
Reid just waved his hand dismissively.
"S'okay." He said, his eyes closed. He made no attempt to say anything further.
JJ looked across the bed to Garcia. She looked back, shaking her head to tell her to let it go. The rest of the team also exchanged glances, this was going to be hard work.
Rossi then sat forward.
"Reid. Would you like us to leave you to rest?" He asked kindly, but firmly. The team turned to look at him, as if to say they didn't want to go yet, he just shrugged his shoulders. In his opinion, if Reid wasn't getting anything from this, then they would be better trying another time.
Reid's eyes suddenly opened.
"No." He said quickly. His grip tightened on Garcia's hand and she sucked in a breath. His sad eyes landed on Rossi and he shook his head, almost begging him to stay.
"Okay." He said gently. "We're not going anywhere." Rossi reassured him.
"I'm sorry." Reid breathed out, feeling frustrated with himself. "This is... just so quick." He struggled to get his words out due to his current lung capacity.
"What do you mean?" JJ asked, looking confused. She grabbed his other hand that was fiddling nervously with the bed sheets.
"You mean, one minute you're there and the next you're here?" Morgan asked, seeming to understand.
Reid's lips twitched nervously, as they always did when he was struggling to explain himself.
"Yeah." Was all he said. Then his expression went dark, his mind had obviously gone to a bad place. His brows furrowed as he tried to explain himself. "I thought... I was going... to die."
They all looked at him sadly. JJ squeezed his hand comfortingly.
"We thought you had." Prentiss said, her expression was soft. Reid nodded at her in understanding.
"When we got that tape, we thought we'd never see you again." Garcia spoke, her voice breaking slightly. She brought his hand up to her face and leaned into it, but his hand tensed. As did the rest of him. JJ felt it too.
"Reid?" JJ questioned when he then refused to meet anyone's gaze. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." He said quietly, still not lifting his eyes.
"Reid. You know you can talk to us, man." Morgan said gently.
Reid's face twitched nervously again and he sighed, clearly not wanting to discuss what was on his mind.
"It's not important." He said weakly.
"It is to us." Morgan continued on.
Reid now closed his eyes, his face blushed.
"What was on the tape?"
The team exchanged confused glances.
"It was you..." When Reid didn't answer, Morgan kept talking, shifting uncomfortably. "You were... saying goodbye."
Reid took a deep, painful breath and then looked up. His face was slightly cold.
"Sorry about that... he wanted me... to make you... upset." He tried to recover his breath. "Just forget about it." He said quickly. He felt his face burning hot through embarrassment. He had forgotten that they would have seen the tape by now, the tape of him crying like some child about how much he loves them all and how he sees them as his family and how he didn't want to leave them. He felt like such a fool, how had he let his emotions take control of him like that? They probably thought he was a complete idiot by now.
"Forget about it?..." Morgan looked around the team, they were all smiling slightly, sharing a small joke about how ridiculous it was that Reid had told them to forget it. "Reid... the things you said-"
"Were what he wanted to hear. Nothing more." He snapped, having to take a few breaths to recover. "So just leave it."
Morgan, JJ and Garcia looked taken a back, and a little hurt. Garcia pulled her hand away from Reid's, placing it sadly in her lap.
They all sat quietly for a few moments. Then Reid cleared his throat.
"Did he... send you anything... else?" He looked to Hotch and Rossi, knowing they would tell him the truth. Although, Prentiss' face gave it away instantly, she glanced to the two older men to see what they were going to say. Her face looked concerned. Hotch's mouth dropped open to say something, but the hesitation told Reid all he needed to know. "Oh god. He wasn't lying." He gasped, his cheeks blushed. He pulled his hand away from JJ and dropped his head again, refusing to look at anyone.
"Reid, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Hotch said strongly. Reid took a deep shaking breath, he was clearly on the verge of crying. "What he did to you, was not your fault."
"Did you watch it?" Reid cut in coldly, then looked up at his boss. They didn't miss the tear that escaped his eye as he did so.
Hotch didn't need to say anything. Reid just nodded, barely reacting. A severe look of disappointment crossing his face. Hotch thought that was worse than anger. Anger he could cope with, disappointment, he couldn't. Reid dropped his gaze to the end of the bed and said nothing. The room became very tense as the rest of the team exchanged nervous glances and shifted uncomfortably, each wanting to say something to him, but really not knowing what to say to comfort him.
"Will you go please?" Reid said, his voice emotionless. Garcia's mouth dropped open.
"Reid, sweetie. You asked us to stay." She said softly, shifting her chair closer to him.
"Now I'm asking you to go." He didn't look at her, or anyone for that matter.
"Reid, we really don't want to leave you on your own." Prentiss said honestly.
"Won't you just let a couple of us stay with you. Just for a while?" Rossi asked.
Reid huffed, frustrated.
"I'm asking you to go." His eyes were getting more intense but they still weren't looking at anyone.
"But Reid-" JJ was cut off.
"Please go." His eyes were now starting to tear up and his voice broke slightly.
"Okay." Hotch said quietly. Morgan, JJ and Garcia looked at him like he was insane, but he ignored them. He stood up, Prentiss and Rossi followed suit.
JJ turned back to look at Reid again, she reached out to him.
"Reid?" She said softly.
He turned his face further away from her and shook his head. JJ sighed in frustration then stood up moodily. Morgan shook his head, clearly not happy but both him and Garcia pushed themselves out of their chairs. They couldn't believe they were being kicked out.
"We'll be back." Garcia said warningly, like she was talking to a child.
Reid still paid them no attention. Hotch led the way out of the room and they all reluctantly followed, Morgan took one glance back at his colleague, then closed the door behind him.
The tension suddenly left Reid's body and he brought his hands up to his face, tears fast escaping his eyes and painful breaths racking his chest. He couldn't deal with them seeing everything that had been done to him. Why on earth would they watch that tape? His worst moments in life, immortalised on film and they had watched it all. Every filthy and degrading second. Any hopes he had of maintaining any dignity in this situation were completely dashed. He was completely disgusted by himself and so embarrassed he didn't think he would be able to look any of them in the eye ever again.
Suddenly the door flung open and Morgan walked in, shutting the door hard behind him. He made Reid jump. He quickly wiped the tears away from his face, looking unsurely at Morgan.
"You're not doin' this to me, man. Not this time." Morgan stared directly into Reid's eyes, his posture was strong and confrontational. "I'm goin' nowhere."
Reid looked back down to the bed, his face flushing with embarrassment again.
"I've asked you to go." He said, trying to sound strong.
"And I'm saying no." Morgan purposefully sat himself down next to the bed.
Reid met his gaze again, this time irritation danced on his features.
"You can't just stay where you're not wanted."
"Who's gonna stop me?" Morgan looked around the room to emphasise his point. Reid appeared lost for words for a few moments, so Morgan continued. "You ain't pushin' me away this time, Reid. You can be as nasty as you like – pretend you didn't say those things in that video – but nothing's gonna change the fact that we are your family and we're here for you." He said matter of factly.
Reid stared at him, his face appeared calm, but Morgan knew different. Reid had so much anger inside of him. It was understandable. He'd been completely controlled, belittled, embarrassed, used and abused for a number of days and hadn't been able to do anything about it. That anger had to go somewhere and as many things did with Reid, it went inwards.
"I'm gonna stop you..." He took a few breaths to catch up. "I'm telling you to get out." Reid completely ignored Morgan's kind words. He looked annoyed now.
"And I'm tellin' you, Reid. Not a chance." Morgan levelled his gaze with Reid's. They were having a stand off. After staring at each other for a few long moments, Reid turned his head away dismissively.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I care about you Reid! We all do."
"Don't." Reid said, holding his hand up as a barrier.
"Well we do, Reid. We care about you and we wanna help you through this!" Morgan said, passionately.
"I said, don't." Reid was staring a hole in the bed sheet. He wouldn't look at Morgan.
"And we know you feel the same about us. You told us on that video... we are your family Reid. We... I love you, man." He reached out and grabbed Reid's hand, but Reid pulled it back violently.
"Get the hell off me." He snapped viciously. His chest throbbing at the effort. He stared at Morgan defensively. Morgan stared back, reading a meaning from the look on Reid's face. He furrowed his brows in disgust.
"What the hell did you think I was gonna do, Reid?" Reid then blushed uncomfortably and dropped his gaze to the bed.
"I'm sorry." He said quickly.
"Yeah, you should be. What the hell do you take me for?" Morgan obviously assumed that Reid had taken his confession of love completely the wrong way.
"I said I'm sorry." Reid said, getting irritated and tense again.
"I don't know why you're getting annoyed with me, Reid. I think I have the right to be a little offended right now. Firstly, you refuse to talk to me, you tell me to get out of your room, then when I tell you that I care 'bout you, you take it as me tryin' it on. I think I have the right to be offended, not you. Not when I'm tellin' you I care 'bout you. Now if you wanna keep pretending that you never said anything on that video-"
"Stop mentioning the damn video." Reid snapped again. It wasn't like him to curse either.
"Why? Because then you would have to admit that you care about us too? Because then you'd have to let us help you?" Morgan leaned forwards. This seemed like an odd way of going about things, but Morgan didn't want Reid to start off in an avoidant mind set. Reid would avoid issues forever if allowed. Morgan was setting the precedent this time. Reid was going to talk about it and he was going to receive the help from his friends he needed. Whether he liked it or not.
Reid chewed nervously on his bottom lip. He was feeling under attack right now, but he wasn't stupid, he knew exactly what Morgan was doing. He was trying to get a rise out of him and so far, he was succeeding. Morgan continued. "I'll sit here all day and all night if need be, Reid."
"Then you're a fool." Reid said simply.
Morgan was all of a sudden speechless. His mouth dropped open slightly. He really didn't know what to say to that. He knew why Reid was being defensive, but nothing was getting through to him. After staring at him slightly wide eyed for a short while, Morgan shook his head.
"Why are you doing this Reid? Are you determined to lose me?"
Reid started laughing.
"Lose you? Morgan, please tell me, what exactly is it that I would be losing?" He looked at Morgan, teasing him to answer. When Morgan stared at him dumbfounded, he carried on. "When I needed you, you weren't there. Now I don't want you here, you're here. Frankly Morgan, your timing needs vast improvement." He smiled at him mockingly.
Morgan just kept staring at him, his eyes searching Reid's uncharacteristically cold, hazel depths.
"Reid, talk to me." Morgan said gently. The smile dropped from Reid's face and he tensed up again. "What is this? This isn't you." Morgan leaned towards his friend, leaning on cot sides of the hospital bed.
"Yeah well, people change." Reid said harshly.
"You don't." Morgan said coolly.
"You don't know me... clearly." Reid's gaze was hard and unflinching.
Morgan tensed his jaw for a few moments, deep in thought.
"Fine. Whatever. Have it your way, Reid... If being this hard-faced bastard is what helps you sleep at night, then fine. You do that... I understand if you're just too scared to face this, it's a scary thing. But at least be a man and say so."
Reid looked at Morgan, hurt. Morgan wanted nothing more than to reach out and give Reid a hug at that moment. He felt awful saying things like that to him, but he was the only one who would be able to do this. And he was the only one who had even the remotest idea of how Reid was feeling.
"Just go." Reid said, his eyes tearing up.
"No." Morgan said simply. His gaze challenging Reid's again.
"I don't want to talk... to you right now." Reid's voice cracked slightly with emotion. Breathing was becoming gradually more difficult too.
Morgan just levelled his gaze with Reid and purposefully sat back in his chair, as if he was relaxing. The gesture was clear: 'I'm staying'. Reid face twitched with nerves and anger. "You heard me, Morgan." He said with more force. When Morgan made no move to go, Reid's face crumpled and he started to get upset, he took a deep breath. "Why are you doing this to me?" He asked desperately.
"You're doing this to yourself, Reid." Morgan answered calmly and rationally.
Reid's lips twitched, as if Morgan was trying to drive him mad.
"No, you're doing..." He winced as a pain shot through his chest. When Morgan leaned forwards to put a hand on his back, Reid leaned away and shot him a warning look. "You're doing this to me." He said through gritted teeth.
Morgan smiled then held his hands up.
"Fine... You win. I give up." He stood up and started walking towards the door. "But don't blame me if you start having nightmares about him strapping you to that bed and wake up to find nobody here."
"About him doing what?" Reid looked at Morgan dangerously.
"Well whatever he did." Morgan said nonchalantly, but in reality his heart was pounding in his chest, his palms were sweaty and he felt sick.
"You have no right." Reid said.
"No right?" Morgan questioned, raising an eyebrow.
Reid started shaking his head, getting more and more upset.
"You have no right... you shouldn't even..." The thought of Morgan knowing what was on the tape was too much for him. "Oh god." He rolled his eyes as he darted his gaze around the room, desperately trying to stop himself from becoming upset.
"Oh, Reid. What difference does it make?" Morgan knew exactly what difference it made.
Reid took a couple of deep breaths to stop himself from flipping. The anger was building dangerously inside of him. He spoke between heavy, almost panting breaths. This stress couldn't have been good for his body.
"What difference does it make?... The people who claim... to love me... leave me alone with... with a psychopath... then sit and watch... every sick fucking thing...he did to me. Did it make you feel better... about yourselfMorgan?...Help you to... face your demons?" Reid practically spat. "A nine year old boy... doesn't seem quite... so pathetic next to... a begging 29 year old... does it..." Morgan's initial anger at the mention of his own past dissipated at the look of shame that was now fixed on Reid's face. It broke Morgan's heart. This was what it was all about, the tape.
"No doubt he'll have... left you a home movie... for this time too. Do you know what... you'd get to see on... on that one Morgan?" Reid was intentionally trying to make Morgan uncomfortable. He just wanted him to go and never come back. He couldn't face this. "Me being chained to the bed... like some sort of animal... round the neck... whilst Jason's friend... attacked me too!" Morgan looked shocked.
"Would you like to see that, Morgan?" Reid's face was full of venom now. "You've seen everything else... I'll tell you what... why don't I just... take this off..." He reached his hand to the shoulder of his gown and Morgan rushed forwards to stop him. Reid struggled with him, he kept pulling at the gown and Morgan kept pulling it back over his shoulder, he was continuing his rant. "You can get a... proper look then..."
"Reid! What the hell are you doing?" Morgan said desperately, wrestling with Reid's hands. Reid's movements were getting more and more distressed.
"I'm giving you what you want... did you enjoy watching that video, Morgan?..." Morgan grabbed his hands gently pulling them away from his gown once and for all. He pressed them into the bed to ensure they didn't move. Reid tried to free himself. "Don't touch me!" His chest complained terribly. "Morgan... get off me! Morgan... please." He started to break down, his head falling forwards. "Please... Oh, god, I'm disgusting." He said quietly as his defenses came down and he started to cry hard. His shoulders shook as the sobs escaped his lips. As much as it hurt his chest, there was little he could do.
Morgan shook his head, his face looked pained with sadness. He released Reid's hands and put his arms around the young man's back and head, pulling him into a tight hug. Reid at first tried to push him away, but Morgan didn't let go. Reid's sobs just became louder and finally his body stopped fighting. Accepting the comfort from his best friend.
"You are not disgusting." Morgan said gently and firmly. He stroked Reid's head as he sobbed into his stomach.
"I am disgusting." He sobbed desperately. "I'm dirty and... and disgusting. And weak... and filthy and..."
"Reid." Morgan cut through. "You are none of those things. The things he did to you, nobody should have to go through that. But it was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to stop it." Reid just cried harder at this. "And yes, I've seen the tape and I'll tell you what I thought Reid. I didn't think you were weak, or disgusting, or filthy or anything like that." Morgan's eyes were starting to tear up too. "I thought you were so strong. And I was proud of you, man. And that is all I thought."
A shudder ran down Reid's body as he looked up at Morgan.
"Really?" He questioned. He felt terrible for all of the things he had said.
"Really." Morgan nodded, then instinctively placed a kiss on the top of Reid's head pulling him back into the hug. Reid cried for a good ten minutes. Morgan held him the whole time, reassuringly.
Eventually, Reid's sobs melted away into little hitching gasps.
Morgan stroked Reid's head again. The tears had been running down his own face now too.
"I'm sorry." Reid said quietly, finally pulling away from Morgan.
Sat down next to the bed, holding his hands up.
"Don't be. This is what I'm here for, Reid. To support you."
"But I said some awful things to you."
"None as bad as what you said about yourself. Believe me Reid, if I had to pick which one of us it is that you hate, I'm in no doubt that it wouldn't be me. You were protecting yourself."
Reid closed his eyes, he was exhausted. The combination of the anaesthetic, the pain and the emotional roller coaster he had been on were all lulling him off to sleep.
"Get some sleep, Reid."
"Are you leaving?" Reid asked carefully.
"Do you want me to?" Morgan asked equally carefully.
Reid shook his head. "No."
Morgan smiled. "Well I'll be here then. And if you want to talk, my ears will be here too."
Reid looked at Morgan with big eyes for a few moments, he looked as though he was going to cry again, but stopped himself.
"Thank you, Morgan."
Morgan simply smiled and then nodded. Reid then closed his eyes and sank back into his pillow, wincing as he did so. After a short while, he drifted off into a fitful sleep, secure in the knowledge that he was finally in safe hands.