Idk if I was feeling especially evil this week or what...
Johanna won the 71st Hunger Games. None of the Victors were much surprised, but it really seemed to shock the country when she turned out have the ability to kill viciously with an axe. The 72nd Hunger Games, which followed, was rather dull. They were won by a boy from District 2, which surprised no one. Johanna joined the ranks of the mentors, but the District 2 boy did not.
It was a month after the 72nd Hunger Games when a phone call woke me up in the morning after one of the best sleeps I had in a while. "Hello?" I asked, my voice sluggish.
"Katniss?" I heard Johanna's voice and internally groaned. It's not that I didn't like her, but she was just so intrusive, especially to me, someone who liked their privacy.
"Yeah," I said. "What is it?"
"I think I did something wrong."
I was instantly awake. "Do you mind if I put you on hold for a few minutes? There's an urgent phone call I need to place."
"Yeah, I guess," she sounded a little annoyed, and I guess that was partially my fault for not explaining to her what I was about to do. I didn't want to get her hopes up. I dialed the number I was looking for, and a woman picked up
"Hi, this is Katniss Everdeen. I was wondering if I could speak to President Snow, please?" I asked in my nicest, fakest voice.
"I'm sorry dear," the woman said. "I'm afraid I can't do that. Can I take a message?"
"Ask him if I can get clearance to go to District 7 for a few days for me?" I wasn't sure what Johanna did wrong, but I think I had a pretty good idea, and she was going to need some help.
The secretary said she would, and I put Johanna back on line. "Hey, I'm back."
"What was that about?" she asked.
"That was President Snow."
"Yikes."
"So what was it you needed?" I said, even though I already knew
"Oh," was all Johanna said at first. "President Snow paid me a visit yesterday morning."
"What did he want?"
"He asked me to do something."
"And you refused, didn't you?"
There was a silence on the other end of the phone that told me everything I needed to know.
"Did he kill someone?" I asked, pressing her a bit more.
"He killed everyone," she whispered.
"He-"
"He killed everyone," she said again. "my parents, my sisters, my little niece, my fiancé… everyone."
"I'm so sorry," I said, wishing I could do more.
"Do you- do you know what he asked me to do?" she asked.
I took a deep breath. "I think I have a pretty good idea."
"So you understand why I had to say no?" Johanna asked desperately.
"I know why you did," I replied carefully. I didn't understand. Maybe because I grew up as a Victor. I knew more about Snow and his tactics to control the Victors than most, and I knew he wasn't bluffing. No way would I ever refuse him. Not if he put my family on the line.
"But you don't understand, do you?" She challenged.
"I'm sorry," I said. "He only made that proposition once, and that was not long before I went into the arena the second time."
"Oh."
"You should call Finnick," I said. "He would understand."
"I'm not calling Finnick Odair," Johanna scoffed.
"Johanna, he's one of the only people who can help you. He understands the pain you're going through."
"No, he doesn't. No one can. Especially not Finnick Odair."
"Just give him a chance," I reasoned.
"I keep forgetting that you're not from the Districts," Johanna said.
"I am, though."
"Not really. You've been a Victor since you were twelve. You probably don't even remember poverty, or working hard or what it's like to truly be from District 12."
"But I do," I protested. "I provided for my family for two years after my father's death. Me. By myself. And even before that I would help him take care of my mother and sister. I know just as well as the rest of the Seam what it's like to starve."
"That's not my point. My point is if you were truly raised as if you were from the Districts, and not a Victor, then you would hate Odair just as much as the rest of us."
"Just give him a chance-"
"Absolutely not. You don't see what we see."
"What do you see?"
"For one thing he's a prostitute. He's also a pedophile and the Capitol's lap dog." Johanna said bluntly, not sugar coating any of it.
"If I hear one more person call him a pedo…"
"You did it yourself," I could hear the smirk in her voice.
"It doesn't matter." I sighed deeply. "Johanna, I might pop in for a visit in a few days. But you need to get used to the idea of other Victors. All of them have had to do things they're not proud of to protect their loved ones. We have to stick together. We can't judge each other for our pasts, or even the things we're still doing today." I paused, and then added: "Except Brutus. You can judge him all you want. He's an idiot."
…
I received clearance from Snow to visit District 7 for a few days, but I couldn't stay long because soon after I received a phone call in the middle of the day, from Finnick. That was highly unusual, so I knew something was wrong.
"Finnick?" I said cautiously.
"Katniss, something happened." Finnick's voice came out as a rasp, and I could tell he had been crying.
"Are you in the Capitol?"
"No. No I uh-" He trailed off.
"Finnick, focus. I need to know what's going on." I gently reminded him.
"I'm in District 4."
"Good. Now what's wrong?"
"Mags had a stroke."
I gasped. Not Mags. Please not Mags. She was like my grandmother. I couldn't imagine what I would do without her. I couldn't imagine what Finnick would do without her. "Okay. I'm going to schedule a train as soon as I can. I should be there by this evening."
"Thank you."
I saw Johanna out of the corner of my eye, glaring at me.
"Is it alright if I bring company?" I asked him.
"Y-yeah. I guess," he stuttered. Johanna still needed me. It didn't seem fair to me that so many people needed my help all at once, but that just seemed to be my position in life.
…
"What are we doing in District 4?" Johanna asked. I had refused to tell her where we were going, because I knew she wouldn't like it.
"Do you remember Mags?"
"The old lady? Sure."
"She had a stroke. We're here to check on her and her family."
"Her family… meaning who?"
I held eye contact with her. "Some of the other Victors. Britt, Adella, Finnick."
"Finnick," she repeated.
I nodded.
"Crazy how that works. You had wanted me to talk to him and now we just happen to take a trip to Four, where he lives."
"He's really stressed right now, Johanna. Mags practically raised him. Now is not a good time for me to force the two of you to have a chat."
Johanna rolled her eyes, but said nothing.
When we got off the train, a few Victors from other Districts were there waiting for us. They came as soon as they heard the news, and I was surprised that Snow had given clearance to so many of them. Cashmere and Gloss, Zahra, Seeder, and Haymitch all stood there.
"Where's Finnick?" I asked them.
"He's in the hospital. He refuses to leave her side unless the doctors kick him out." Cashmere said.
I handed my bag to Haymitch. "I need to see them." The other Victors, including Johanna went back to the Victor's Village while I made my way to the hospital.
I didn't know that District 4 had a hospital. District 12 didn't. We didn't even have a proper doctor, just my mother. I walked in the revolving door and up to the front desk. The secretary gave me directions and I took the stairs up to the third floor. The door was open, and Finnick sat in a chair against the wall, his knuckles white as his hands clamped down tightly on the armrests. Mags was asleep on the bed, and I was glad to hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor. Caspian, Finnick's human security blanket, sat next to him, his arm around his shoulders.
"Finnick," I whispered, breathless. He looked up at me, his eyes red and puffy from crying. He didn't get up and wrap me in his arms like he normally did, he just stared. "How is she?" I asked him. He continued to stare, as if his voice stopped working.
Caspian answered for him. "The doctors say she'll be fine."
I nodded and walked towards Finnick slowly. I knelt down on the floor next to him and wrapped my arms around him. He pressed his face into the crook of my neck. He finally let go of the armrests, and I felt his trembling hand grab onto the back of my shirt in tight fists.
"She's alright," I whispered in his ear. "She's going to live."
He nodded into my shoulder. I was glad he was finally giving some acknowledgment that he could hear and understand me. I pulled away and held his face in my hands, my thumbs brushing away his tears.
"Katniss-" his voice came out as a croak.
"Shh," I hushed.
"I messed up." He said.
"That doesn't matter right now. Right now, we just need to focus on Mags."
"No… No, it matters. He's going to punish me. I don't know how, but something's going to happen. I know it."
I heard a knock and turned around to see a man in a balck suit standing in the doorway. I felt dread in the pit of my stomach. Finnick and I had met this man before.
"Mr. Odair, If you could follow me." the man said. Finnick scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to get rid of whatever tear residue was left on his face. We stood up at the same time, and I followed them both out. "Ms. Everdeen, the invitation was for Finnick Odair, and Finnick Odair only."
"What makes you think I care?" I continued to follow them, and the man didn't try to stop me this time. He opened the door to a back office and ushered us inside.
"Mr. Odair, welcome." President Snow said. "Ms. Everdeen, I suppose I should have expected you as well, seeing as the two of you seem inseparable these days." He gestured for us to sit, and we did. "Now, Mr. Odair, I received notice this morning that you left an appointment with a rather well paying client, and returned to District 4 without asking for permission."
I felt my stomach drop. That's what Finnick meant.
"There was an emergency," Finnick said, his Capitol mask in place.
"Your fellow Victor had a stroke, I believe." Snow took a sip of his tea. "That is quite the unwelcome distraction from your work. I could remove the distractions, would you like that?"
"No thank you," Finnick replied, his tone light. "I can manage in the future." My hand slipped into his underneath the table.
"I should hope so. Now, I don't think our current deal seems to be working."
"Pardon?" He asked, his grip tightening on my hand.
"Our deal was you would take double the appointments, in order to keep Ms. Katniss Everdeen from having to work. Is that correct?"
"Yes, sir." He said, keeping his voice level.
"But have you held up your end of the bargain?"
"I have."
"You have not." Snow said. "You left an appointment this afternoon, and last year, you weren't providing quite enough money. So no, you haven't. So I think I've come up with a solution that we can agree would be quite profitable."
"You're not selling Katniss," Finnick said, his voice soft. Dangerous.
"I can do as I please. She's my Victor."
"We had an agreement."
"That agreement is only good for eight more months."
Reality hit me like a slap in the face. He was going to sell me. Me. I was going to be sold. It had happened before. Once. But this was different. This time it would last. I would be violated, over and over again.
"You'll begin after the 73rd Hunger Games." Snow said firmly. I felt bile rise in my throat, but I forced it down. He smiled at Finnick, a sick, fake smile. "Send my condolences to dear, sweet Mags. Such a pity."
He dismissed us with a wave of his hand. Finnick took off down the hall, pulling me along with him. We ran down several flights of stairs until we found ourselves in a dark basement.
"We need to leave," He said. "We need to run away. I have to get you out of here."
"Finnick, we can't." I protested.
"You always told me about how you and Gale had a plan to escape into the woods, right? Well now's your chance. We could make it."
I shook my head. "There's a reason Gale and I never actually did it. We can't make it. Not with our families. You, me, Gale, Vick, Rory, Posy, Hazelle, Prim… I don't even know who else. Everyone would have to come with us. Peeta, Haymitch, even my mother and Peeta's family. We can't leave anyone behind."
Finnick sat down hard on the floor, and brought his knees up to his chest. My mother once said that when you went through a traumatic experience, part of you would always be stuck at the age you were then. In that instance, I was reminded that part of Finnick was, and always will be, stuck at just fourteen. Part of him was so young, despite him generally seeming older than his twenty-one years would suggest.
"I'll be okay," I lied to him.
"No you won't. Don't say that. You have no idea what it's like. I'm not okay."
"I'll get through it. I promise. Maybe Snow will let us take our trips to the Capitol at the same time. That would give us one small positive."
"Five years," He said.
"What?"
"I've spent five years keeping you far, far away from all of this, and look where it got us."
"You can't protect me from everything. You knew Snow would sell me eventually."
"But I want to," Finnick muttered. "If I could, I would protect you from everything. Even me."
"You're no danger to me," I reassured him.
"If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be in this situation."
"Yes I would. In fact, Snow would have sold me years ago. You know that. You saved me for a few years, anyway."
"I mean I should have let you die in the arena."
I stared at him. "Finnick…?"
"You're in for something worse than death."
"You're telling me you would rather be dead right now?" We both knew what I was really asking. As far as I knew, Finnick had never attempted suicide, but now I was worried.
"I've considered it. It's definitely a welcoming option these days."
"No," I said firmly. "Please never say that again. I need you, Finnick. I need you here, with me."
He didn't say anything.
"Part of me is glad I'm starting appointments." I said finally.
Finnick stared at me, his eyes wide. "What are you smoking these days?"
"Nothing. I'm just glad I'm taking some of this stress from you. You're exhausted. You never get any breaks, and I'm glad that something good will come out of me taking over my appointments. You might actually get the chance to sleep. Maybe even eat something."
Finnick, once again, didn't respond. He slid closer to me and I stared at his vibrant green eyes, glowing in the dark. I know when he's in the Capitol they always do something to make them seem unnaturally bright, and I hated it. His eyes were gorgeous on their own. But it made it even harder to tear my gaze away. I watched his eyes flicker down to my lips, then back up to my eyes. Before I knew it, his mouth was on mine. It was one of the purest kisses we'd ever shared, and it set butterflies in my stomach. I was glad for it. We both needed a bit of purity. Finnick pulled away and rested his forehead on mine, his hand on the back of my neck.
"We should get back to Mags."
…
Caspian and I forced Finnick to go home. The doctors assured us Mags would be fine, and Finnick needed to rest.
He smiled softly at me as we entered his house. The other Victors from outside of the District were staying with various other Victors from Four, but they all realized that Finnick was much more distraught and decided to avoid invading his privacy. "You said you wanted to see me outside of the Games," he said sarcastically, closing the door behind him.
"This isn't quite what I had in mind." I answered.
Finnick led me up the steps. "Are we sharing, or do you want your own room?"
I shrugged. I knew which I would prefer, of course, but this was his house. If he wanted his own space, he deserved to have it.
He stared at me for a second. "Would you mind staying with me?"
I shook my head.
He gently took my hand and opened the first door on the left. The structure of his house was almost identical to mine, the only difference being the decor and the style. Finnick's was on stilts, right on the beach, to avoid flooding, whereas District 12's Victor's Village was designed with cobblestone walkways and lanterns and fountains. His room was the same as mine, but much more cluttered. The bed was unmade, the desk was covered in books and papers, the dresser had a fair amount of creams and concealers and gels on top. I stared at them, initially believing them to be hair products, but quickly realizing they were almost all medicinal.
"Finnick, what's that about?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I brought them back from the Capitol with me. They're my personal products, so I didn't want anyone thinking I had borrowed them from my stylist or anything and giving them back to her."
"No, I mean why do you need so many?"
Finnick stared at me again, then he sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling me along with him. "I don't usually talk about that," He began slowly. "But I think you deserve to know, if you're starting appointments as well." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly, like he was imagining me having to go through the same things he does daily. "Some of the clients are too rough. They'll use various weapons, because they're crazy and into some weird stuff. Nothing too dangerous, but I had one lady who used a taser. I think she was probably the wildest. The things they do… it leaves marks for days. Those are Capitol medicines that will help clean them up faster than is natural, and there are a few concealers that will cover the marks up until they finally heal. The clients wouldn't like it if I was already injured." He reached over onto the dresser and grabbed a makeup wipe. He gently, slowly wiped away the concealer on his cheek, right under his eye, and like magic a dark angry bruise appeared.
I reached up and touched it, my fingers light on his face. He looked down and away, like he was trying to hide it, even though he took off the makeup just to show it to me.
"Do you know why that bruise is there?" I asked him softly, turning his face back towards me. He didn't answer, but his brilliant green eyes continued to stare at me. "It's on your face, because you refused to let anyone put one on mine."
He nodded slowly, but didn't say anything.
"You've been taking my clients for years. You know that if you hadn't stepped in, half the injuries on your body right now, would have been on mine instead. You were willing to sacrifice yourself, your sanity, your health, all of it, to make sure I never had to experience what you do time and time again. I don't care that Snow is going to break his promise. It doesn't matter right now. What does matter is that you are the most compassionate, most loving man I know, that you are willing to relive your nightmares for me. I love you for that."
Again, he didn't say anything. He shifted uncomfortably, turning in towards me. Then he pulled me into a tight hug, stiffly inhaling.
"I love you," I said again. I could feel his entire body shaking, but he didn't cry. Not this time. He just held onto me tightly.
"I love you," He repeated softly.
…
That night, I woke up from a nightmare, panting. To my surprise, Finnick was already wide awake, sitting up next to me.
"Nightmare?" He asked tiredly. I nodded, and he held out his arms for me. I curled up into his side. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shook my head. It was about a Capitol man, lying on top of me while I tried to get out from under him. Finnick was there, too, in the dream. He sat tied to a chair, reaching out for me, but I wouldn't take his hand.
"Well you know I'm always willing to listen. You can come talk to me at any time. I'll always be here for you."
I nodded. Finnick placed a light kiss on the top of my head. "Why are you already awake?" I asked softly. It seemed to take a lot of energy to speak.
"Same as you."
"You could have woken me up," I told him.
"Not in good conscience."
"Still…"
He only hummed in response. I glanced at the time on the clock. 3:21 AM. We wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon. Finnick seemed to read my mind, and reached over and grabbed the remote for the television. I hadn't noticed that he had one of the standard projection screens on his dresser, across the room from the bed. He flipped on some Capitol news channel, and we sat there quietly.
"I agree with you, Augustia-" The male news anchor began.
"Augustia," Finnick muttered under his breath, in an amazing Capitol accent. I smiled. He always enjoyed mocking the Capitolites. I felt his fingers combing gently through my hair, and exhaled contently as I felt my body relax. This moment was what I was hoping for when I said I wanted to see him outside of the Games.