It just wrote itself...

Chapter 7

Regina sat on the floor, leaning onto the small night table, looking over at the pallet. On the bed in the Captain quarters the Savior was laying, freshly washed and in new clothes. Her hair had been brushed and washed, now lying strewn across the pillows allowing it to dry naturally, curling in the dry air of the room. Her hands were placed on her middle, one covering the other in the resting and peaceful pose. And her face was relaxed, her mouth still holding the soft smile that appeared in the last moments of her awareness. With her eyes closed, Emma seemed asleep, dreaming wonderful dreams. But Regina knew that if the Curse of Darkness was anything like the Sleeping Curse, Emma was not experiencing anything wonderful.

It was only an hour after they had come to the camp on the shore, where Hook had been waiting for them, restless and eager for their return. When he had seen the Savior lifeless in David's arms he had frozen on the spot, his mouth hanging open in surprise. He had never actually thought that she could die on this mission. She had been the Savior, the all mighty power source that could stand up to the Dark One! But, it had seemed that this had been the one fight she couldn't win.

Silently, the Captain took them to the ship, not even questioning the presence of the children. With one look in Henry's direction he helped the kids aboard Jolly Roger, leading them straight to the Crew quarters to rest. Snow followed him, directing the children to wash up and eat before going to bed. Helped by Regina, she didn't question her presence as the women prepared the hot water and warm meal for the children, Henry included. But, the young prince had refused to leave Emma alone in her cabin, and agreeing to his pleas, Regina let him stay, taking care of the little ones first.

When the children had been put to rest, she carried a bucket of hot water and a bowl of food, followed by Snow who carried rags and a pitcher of cold water. Making Henry wash his hands and eat in the hallway out of the cabin, closely watched by David, Regina turned to Emma, not really prepared to do what she had intended. "I can do it, if…" Snow started, but at the slight shake of Regina's head she stopped, knowing that the former Mayor would push through her own feelings to help the Savior of her son, and her friend, in the lack of the better term.

With slow and gentle movements, they undressed the blonde woman that had been lying on the conjured mattress on the floor, leaving her underwear on. Kneeling beside the mattress the women took the rags and washed off the blood and dirt, uncovering many cuts and bruises. Regina felt her eyes water with tears as she traced the injuries that could have been avoided if Emma had worn the chain mail – but then they would not have their boy beside them, lost to the bullet. Emma's good call had cost the woman her life for Regina had no doubt that the chain mail would have absorbed the curse, giving her enough time to fight it off. With the last reserves of her energy she placed her hands over Emma's skin and with slight tremor in them she glided over the injuries, healing them as she went over them. With the last vestige of her power, she healed the cut on Emma's face, leaving her hand on it for longer than necessary, gently rubbing the cheek with her thumb.

Snow did not comment on the open admiration and sorrow in Regina's behavior but continued to wash her daughter, staying strong and refusing to cry. When they had finished, Regina turned for a moment, picking up what to dress Emma into, letting Snow change the underwear. As that task had been finished, Regina and Snow dressed Emma and with David's help lifted her to the bed, vanishing the mattress in process. As they were finished, Regina caught Snow's eyes and communicated silently that she would like a moment alone with Emma. Snow nodded in understanding, and taking Henry's shoulders, she pushed him out talking about him desperately needing a bath. David stayed behind, taking several things for the boy to wear afterwards. He placed his hand on Regina's shoulder in solace before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

Regina brought her knees to her chest, circling her arms around them and lowering her head on them, her face turned toward the woman, seeing her upper body and her face. "I know you did the right thing," Regina spoke, her voice roughened with tears barely heard in the quiet of the room. "However, I cannot help but feel betrayed by your choice. Even when I know that the alternative was not an option, and still it isn't. I would never sacrifice our son for anyone, but I wish it turned out differently." Regina felt her tears slide down her nose, onto her legs. "How am I to continue without you keeping me straight?" Without you giving me strength to face the new day, she said in her mind, not willing to speak the thought aloud, even now when no one could hear it. You promised to help me live as me. To help me be who I was meant to be from the start, and to be the one who deserves all the forgiveness I have gotten. How can you keep those promises if you aren't there, by my side? How can you help me, when all I am feeling now is anger at the unjust fate that dangled the fulfillment of my hopes in front of me, only to take them away? You were the only one to understand me and knew the real me. How am I to continue when I am denied acceptance once more? Closing her eyes against the flood she felt coming on, she let herself grieve for the friend she had gained in the past few days. For even if she was waken with True Love's kiss, it would mean that Neal would occupy much of Emma's time, and she had gotten used to the blonde encroaching her personal space. Outright denying the possibility that Rumplestiltskin had been hinting at, and what Emma had concluded before their mind connection. It simply could not be, she claimed in her own mind, faced with an opportunity to prove it once for all. But at that thought fear gripped her, stopping her from even coming closer to the Savior. So she grieved, for there was nothing else, in her opinion, she could do.

Half an hour later she left the room, meeting Henry in the hallway. She kissed him in the forehead, wishing him a good rest and let him lie down next to his mother. Climbing up to the deck, she looked out and saw that Hook had already moved them away from the shore in case some of the surviving Lost Boys came. Going to the front, she leaned onto the railing looking at the horizon, trying to empty her mind of all the thoughts and emotions swirling inside, making it impossible to make out individual emotion or thought. Tired, in pain, her stomach rumbling in hunger she did not feel, Regina felt lost. She was happy that Henry was saved and that he was well, aboard the ship. And he had even forgiven her, making her heart soar in that moment, before all the other things happened.

The next part of their journey was to find the cure for Emma. And that meant finding Baelfire, her half-brother.

"May I join you?" Rumplestiltskin asked softly, for the first time in Regina's memory showing humility.

She looked at him and scoffed, turning away. Clenching the railings so hard that her hands lost all color, she directed her look outward, afraid of the magic rising in her, ignited by her anger. "I should kill you where you stand," she spoke through her clenched jaw, not looking at him.

She heard him walk closer to her, but staying out of her immediate reach. Leaning heavily onto his cane he sighed, knowing that it would have come to this eventually. "I know you are most definitely able to do it. And that you have more than enough cause. But, should you, really?" He spoke calmly, accepting in advance that this conversation might end his life. In this moment he wished the Savior was able to join them. The Sheriff, despite of all her misgivings and faults, provided a balance, forcing the warring parties to peace. In this situation she would even save his life, even though she had been angry at the knowledge herself.

"You are of no use to us now." Regina, of course, knew of the sacrifice he had offered for her son. Losing all his power, destroying the Dark One in the process was an immense loss for him, the man that had treasured magic above all. She could feel he was only human now.

"I still have centuries' worth of knowledge." Sensing immediately he had used the wrong reason, he quickly added. "I am still Henry's grandfather. And…"

Regina looked sharply at him, daring him to finish his sentence, her look piercing through him, her eyes showing all the hatred, the betrayal, the anguish she had felt because of the man standing before her.

"She told you," Rumplestiltskin changed the subject quickly, for the third time in the short while fearing for his life. It had been long since he had been afraid. And underneath it all, he was still a coward, despite of his actions earlier that day.

Regina let her emotions drain away, the thought of Emma calming her down almost instantly. "She didn't." Seeing that Rumplestiltskin was about to object at her statement, she went on. "I learned about it, despite her not wanting me to."

The silence enveloped them, while they both considered their situation. Neither was willing to walk away, being the one to fold and withdraw, and neither knew how to continue. But, at last, Regina turned away from the railing, leaning on it and looked at the man watching her carefully. Crossing her arms at her chest, she looked away.

"Did Henry know?" She spoke, breaking their impasse. "That I wasn't his?"

Rumplestiltskin joined her at the rail and he too turned to watch onto the ship's deck, standing beside the woman. "He did." His voice was quiet but without the usual mocking edge that had been heard in his voice for ages. "Your mother had taken a great pleasure in reminding him of the fact, making it his failure in the process."

Regina nodded, knowing that he spoke the truth, because it was just the thing her mother would do. Remembering the man she had called her father, she glanced upon the man beside her. "And yet, he loved me. I was someone else's child and he still loved me." Her voice contained wonder at the revelation.

"You love Henry even though he is not yours," the old man said wisely, expecting the outburst at his words.

"He is my son!"

"This is precisely my point." He placed his cane directly in front of him, leaving one hand on it, but with the other he took the railing in between them, slightly turning his body toward the woman. "Regina, you of all people should know that blood has little to do with love and the bonds it creates." Looking into her face, he saw that he had her attention, just like in the old days, when she had been his student. "You are his mother because you love him as one, and you raised him as one. Nothing can change that, not even the fact that he is not of your womb." Regarding his words carefully, he continued, the strange desire to be of help to the woman beside him enveloping him, now that he was free of darkness dousing his soul. In a complicated and strange way, Rumplestiltskin knew that he would have never felt anything of sorts toward Regina if he was still the Dark One. Just two people had been able to move him enough to make him care about them, and one of them was his true love. "It is possible that in the absence of the blood bond, he loved you even better. He had chosen to be your father, to help you and to love you, even with his last breath." It was risky to touch his death but he decided that they would talk, really talk, and it meant digging up some old wounds for Regina.

She threw him a warning look, but he just shook his head. "Was I always doomed to be the Evil Queen? The one who would use the curse for you?" The bitterness in her voice was apparent, but there was no anger. Which honestly surprised him.

"No." He looked away in something akin to shame. "No, you were not doomed at all. In fact, you were blessed with the kindest heart I have ever seen." He shrugged, admitting his own part in corrupting the good soul before him. "It did not suit me or your mother to have such good person in the line for the throne. We did everything in our power, each for oneself of course, to divert you to the path we meant for you. She wanted a fierce uncompromising ruler she could take out, becoming the kind queen herself, adored by the crowds for rescuing them from the Evil Queen. I, on the other hand needed someone in such despair willing to destroy everything for a chance of revenge and punishment. Someone who would unthinkingly cast the curse, paying the price in the process."

"You both succeeded. Well, you did. She somewhat did." Casually commenting the past, she focused her look on Snow, that had left the below just minutes ago. The reminder of the woman in stasis below helped her keep her own calm, knowing it was placing Rumplestiltskin on edge, expecting her to lash out any second now. But, she would never give him the satisfaction. She loved being able to surprise him. And at the same time she was keeping her promise to the Savior that she would do better.

"Even young Snow played into my mother's hands, giving her another nail to hammer into my coffin." Regina broke the silence, turning to Rumplestiltskin. "I often wondered how fate offered such a perfect gift to mother, with the young princess being motherless at the time. She had something to do with Queen Eva's death, didn't she?"

"It was the matter of careful and long term planning and preparation. Cora hated Eva from their first meeting in King Xavier's court. Having been humiliated by the princess, your mother swore revenge. But it also fulfilled her other goal, to leave an empty spot an agent of her choosing could fill." Rumplestiltskin spoke, revealing the closely guarded secret. "She had even been the one who had given Snow the candle she used to heal me, masquerading as the Blue Fairy. I didn't know it at the time, but when I learned I was very proud of her. Using Snow's own kindness, and willingness to help, she enticed her to use one of the darkest magic objects in the world to heal her mother, destroying the goodness in her in the process. And by refusing, Snow would always bear the stamp of guilt in denying her own mother the cure. Such a brilliant piece of work." He spoke, remembering his reaction when he had found out about Cora's scheming. At Regina's disgruntled murmur he curbed his smile. "Of course, you had to marry Leopold to reach that spot…"

"And she pushed for it so hard, and I never understood why. She had the power of magic, why would she need more?" Regina said, going back into the time when she had met Snow. "Now, of course, I understand. Power and fear demand constant feed… That is what makes them so dangerous…" she murmured to herself, but loudly enough for Mister Gold to hear her.

"Miss Swan told you that?"

"Not in those words, or even in that sentiment…" Regina said with a smile, remembering the blonde Sheriff's commentary in her thoughts during their connection. In her style, Emma had offered clichéd comments giving them her own twist, appropriate to the situation. The absolute power corrupts absolutely was one of many…

Turning to the man beside her, she looked into his face. "When I summoned you, that night, before the wedding, you said you knew me since I was a baby. Why telling me that and not that you were my father?"

"You still had your kind heart with you, refusing to become like Cora, refusing to take action against Snow…" Leaning against the railing, he looked at her with apology in his face. "If you learned that you came from two magical beings, both in your standards evil, apart from destroying your fiery spirit completely, you would have never accepted my offer, and you'd never use magic. And I would be left without a scapegoat…" Seeing her move, he flinched unwillingly, but disregarding it he continued. "It served no purpose for you to know. And you know that I did nothing that didn't bring me some gain."

"Did you even consider me as anything more than a tool?"

Flinching again, but this time from the venomous and bitter tone of her voice, he looked at her trying for his patented smirk. "Here you go again, looking for parental approval. Even then, you had that need to please me, to make me proud, even though, to your knowledge, I was only your teacher. Later it turned in contempt, with many games we played with each other. I was proud of you, of your progress, but I don't know if I ever felt toward you even a fraction I felt toward Bae…" He turned away, looking at the sails flapping in the wind. "It wasn't your loss. I wasn't a good person, let alone good father that even my own loving son hates me. Or he did…"

Regina frowned at the shaking voice of the man beside her. Was it possible he was choked about his involvement in her lifetime of misery? Disregarding that line of thought, she looked away, wanting to get out of the conversation but unwilling to yield.

"I wanted to ask you something. That is why I actually came." He spoke after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

She looked at him, silently giving him permission to continue. She could always deny him the answer…

"What are you afraid of?"

The question, so sudden and so much laced with meaning, surprised Regina into dislodging her arms of her chest. "What do you mean?" she tried unsuccessfully to stall for more time, to think out of the way to leave, without seeming that she was running away.

"You know very well what I mean. Miss Swan, you, True Love's Kiss… What are you afraid of?" Rumplestiltskin insisted, careful not to touch her in order not to push her too far. She had been hiding herself for far too long, and he would do anything to rectify that, as his penance, even if she never forgave him for his many transgressions.

"The truth… That I am not the one you are looking for." Regina finally broke, her fears coming out. "Snow looks at me with this expectance in her eyes, that somehow I would save her daughter. Even David glances at me with his sympathetic look." She threw up her hand in the air. "And I am not the one. I can't be."

Before there was the danger of him ending up in the sea water from her anger, as her hands were sparkling with magic, he changed the subject, fast. "You said before that you learned of my part in your life, but that she hasn't told you. What did you mean by it?"

Feeling tremendous relief for the sudden turn in conversation, she leaned back on the railing. "During the storm when you tried to stop me from going to her…" She looked at him, with calculating look, her decision that she would not feel anything of kindness toward the man wavering at the consideration that he had tried to save her that day. Or he had only tried to prevent the loss of another needed power source, her mind spitefully added.

"I wondered how you did not get burned to cinders." However his voice implied that the answer was so obvious that she was really obtuse for ignoring it. Frowning at his smirk, she pressed on, keeping the memory in her mind, keeping Emma's voice ringing in her thoughts to prevent her from catapulting him over the railing and so far out of the ship that Hook could not maneuver it fast enough to rescue him.

"When I touched her, her magic recognized me somehow and pulled me in the inner barrier of sorts. When I saw my own eyes reflected in her magically glowing ones, it was like I was pulled in her very soul." The memory of such warmth enveloped her, bringing smile to her face, lighting up her eyes. Seeing her looking away in the distant, Rumplestiltskin knew without a doubt that he was doing the right thing. "And after one moment, that could have lasted an eternity as far as I knew, I could see her memories, her thoughts, even could feel her emotions and her reactions to various events and findings. And I had no doubt at all that she could do the same." Coming back to present she shook away the smile, the memory bringing such ache in to her heart, for she would never feel so accepted and loved again. Looking down at the man who dared even to smirk at her, when she could smite him with a flick of her hand, she frowned, feeling her magic rise once again. But, Emma's sheepish smirk appeared before her, telling her that she was trying to learn negotiation from Gold, calmed her down.

Aware of the danger he had caused for himself, he sighed and pushed. "Even after such indomitable proof that you are bound by magic more powerful than anything else, you are still riddled with doubts and fear. And, even if it wasn't true, which it is, you would know for sure, after the kiss. Have we damaged you so much, that you cannot recognize your way to the happiness you have always desired?" He spoke with honesty and regret filling his voice. "What is the real reason you are refusing to accept this?" He asked earnestly, taking her shoulders, willing her to tell him, to admit to herself.

Regina tried to fight off physically, as her magic tapered off in her emotional storm, but Rumplestiltskin held on, careful not to inflict her pain. After minutes of helpless struggle, she gave up, letting herself be placed against the railing, so she would not slide down onto the floor. "Daniel," she whispered.

He closed his eyes against the pain and anguish in the simple word. Of course. It made sense now. Her refusal, her fear, even her anger at the suggestion that she was Emma's True Love.

"If he wasn't my True Love, that all the things I did, all the crimes I committed in his name were meaningless," she whispered in self-reproach.

"Why do you say that?" the old man asked, releasing her from his grip.

"If I kiss Emma and she awakens, than…"

"Where is written that you cannot have more than one True Love?" But before Regina could stutteringly deflect his question, he continued. "Even if it is true that one could have one True Love, it being Emma, why do you feel that it would change the motive beyond your actions you had committed in the past?"

Making her think and reason was the key, he knew, having learned that with his various dealings with her. Seeing that he made her consider his words, he let her think of a counter argument. When the time passed and she remained silent, except the inaudible mumbling, he decided to break the quiet again. "You feel deeply, what ever you feel at any given moment. That is your greatest weakness, and also your greatest strength. And, that means that what you felt for Daniel was deep enough for you to be, well, not justified in your actions, but understood and forgiven."

His words, reminiscent of Emma's, spoken not so long ago, touched Regina in the way she couldn't explain. But, it wasn't the only thing she feared. And he sensed that.

"What else is troubling you?"

"What if she is?" Regina spoke tremulously, realizing that she was showing her weaknesses to the man she hated, but not caring at the moment.

"What if she is?" he prodded, waiting for her to continue.

"And she dies. Really, this time." She looked up and crossed her arms across her chest again, protecting what little was left of her dignity. "I destroyed the Enchanted Forest in revenge for Daniel's death. What would I do for hers?"

He placed his hand upon her arms, drawing her look toward him. "Nothing bad. Because you would have a loving family to help you deal with the loss. And haven't you learned with the Charmings, True Love is hard to separate, almost impossible, in fact." He leaned into her space, lowering his voice, gentling it for her sake, ready to offer another possibility, more probable one. "What if she doesn't die, apart from old age? Which really is the most likely outcome, and I mean it with my complete assuredness. You deny yourself an eternity, as long as it lasts, of happiness and joy, balanced with hard moments, of course, just to keep you on your toes and the things interested."

"Enough", she spoke softly, overwhelmed by his reasoning and her own heart wishing for it to be possible. But it was not. It was not like Fate to give her such gift not to take it away later. In this fantasy only heartbreak lied ahead, she convinced herself, deciding to protect what little was left of her heart. Not willing nor able to risk it again, and feel it break, again, she fought with all her power against the wishes of her own heart, denying 'the obvious truth' as Rumplestiltskin called it. It was much safer that way. And they all would be proved wrong when they found Baelfire, and he swooped in, the gentle knight Henry always wanted him to be, waking Emma up. Regardless of her desire to run as far away as she could, she couldn't leave her son or Emma. She would gladly suffer the pain of witnessing them proved wrong, and her right, if it meant she would keep a friend by her side, and her wonderful boy.

Knowing that she had doomed herself to a life of yearning and suffering for as long as she lived, but not ready or eager to deny herself the only remaining joy she had left, in the shape of her boy – who had finally accepted her and forgiven her, she turned away, ready to leave. She had enough of this conversation and the pain it brought. Unwilling to sully her Savior with breaking her promise, she started walking away, trying to put some distance before she did some damage to the old man.

"Regina, you…" Rumplestiltskin started, following after her, but the sharp movement of her hand stopped him in midsentence.

"Enough," she said again, her voice firmer this time, not turning to look at him. Walking away, she glanced up at Snow and seeing her once nemesis wave her over, she changed directions mid step. Any kind of distraction would do at the time like this, she thought.

Snow had joined her husband at the Helm, keeping him company while Hook had something to eat and caught a small nap. She looked at the woman talking with the old man, worried that a magical duel would break up at any time, and the only person able to break them up was in a magical coma, stopped only moments away from dying. But after a while it seemed that Regina had controlled her temper, and Gold did not seem to lose his composure either.

"I would have thought that she would be the first in line to kiss Emma, to prove her stake in this family," David's voice broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. Snow looked up at him, and saw him watch the older woman with confused frown on his face. As observant as he was, he sometimes just couldn't understand Regina and the motivation behind her behavior. Snow placed her hand onto his cheek, smoothing the lines on his forehead with her fingers in gentle caress.

"She would never expose herself in that way willingly," Snow spoke, with an understanding born of knowing both Emma and Regina, and their ways of thinking. A life time of evading Regina and meaningful conversations she had as Mary Margaret with Emma gave a lot of insight in the psyche of these women. And, she had a feeling that understanding one of them meant understanding the other one.

"Why?" David asked, looking down at his wife.

"She is afraid." Looking at the woman, she saw that she was involved in heavy discussion with Rumplestiltskin. She hoped he wasn't taunting her now when she was down, prepared to go to the other woman's rescue at the moment's notice.

"Of what?!" Her husband spoke with authentic surprise that Regina was afraid of anything besides losing Henry. Rolling her eyes at him, Snow shook her head, noticing that Hook was walking toward them.

"Of being hurt again," she said shortly, drawing David's attention to the man coming to them, warning him to stop his line of questioning. But she had no doubt that when they were alone, he would have more queries for her.

Hook placed his hand onto the wheel, taking over from David. Gladly relinquishing the controls, Charming stepped aside, taking Snow's hand, ready to go down below for a little rest as well. "Oy, before you go, would someone tell me where are we going next?" Hook asked, looking at them.

Snow looked startled for a moment but then she just shook her head. "I don't know. Gold was supposed to see where Neal had been sent."

"Well, get on with it then," Hook replied impatiently. "I am not spending another moment here if I don't have to."

Deciding to hold a meeting regarding their future plans and destinations, she looked around and seeing the other woman striding purposefully toward the entrance to lower decks, she waved to get her attention. Regina looked at her and at the moment's deliberation, continued toward her. At the same time, David called Gold to join them for the meeting. It was about time they left, for they all still were feeling the effects of the battle and the destruction of Peter Pan.