Hello there!

Several unhealthy behavior and angst awaiting in this chapter, just so you know. I promise it will get better by the end of the story, but this isn't even the worse it's going to get ^^'

Enjoy anyway I guess?

Chapter 8 - Spiraling down

Stolas blinked.

"Why? Well, I enjoy your company… I also want you to enjoy mine, that's why I didn't want to keep doing our arrangement. So you could have a say in the matter..."

"Yeah, yeah, I get that, but still… Why? You haven't asked to fuck since then, you're not even acting horny at all! Did you just grow tired of me and didn't want to tell me?"

"Oh, please don't think that! It's just that… After Ozzie's, you said I had made clear our deal was only about sex. Even back then, I was trying to show you it wasn't, but I obviously failed. I only want to prove I want to get to know you beside that. Plus, you didn't look like you wanted to do anything like that last week, and I wanted to respect that."

Blitz still didn't look convinced.

"Look, it's not that I don't want to believe you, ok? But… You're not really making it easy right now."

"Really? How so?"

Stolas seemed worried he was doing something wrong, and it felt genuine, but there was still something… Off. It was worst during the first part of their conversation, which Blitz hadn't forgotten about, but this was also somewhat weird.

"Listen, Stolas, I just feel like you're beating around the bush, and it's frustrating ok? So just… Tell me why you want me around. I haven't exactly been the nicest to you recently, or ever, and I feel like you're still speaking with your fancy ass rich people talk, and that's annoying. So spill."

"I don't understand what you're expecting of me Blitz, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm being clear enough? I've seen you on your daily life, though not as much as I'd have liked to, and I enjoy these sides of you too, and I want to get to know you better. But I feel like you may be currently forcing yourself to see me out of, I don't know, some kind of old habit? I don't want you to feel indebted because of the crystal or anything!"

Blitz almost growled.

"That's it, see? You don't know how to talk simply, and I feel like you're being manipulative, and that's annoying. Are you really interested in knowing me, or is it just a way to keep me around until we can fuck again?"

"No, it's not! Please Blitz, believe me when I say that even if you never wished to resume that kind of activity…"

"Satan, just say fuck already, it's not like you're afraid to talk about sex things when you go in crazed dirty talk!"

"… I'd still want to spend time with you, to get to know you", Stolas continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "I just don't know how to prove it, since you don't seem to believe me."

"Ok, so you'd like us to be… What? Friends? Fuck buddies? More?"

That made the owl freeze, his white pupils appearing briefly before he composed himself.

"What… Whatever is fine with you, though I think it's better to start off slowly? As I said, we didn't exactly build a healthy relationship with the contract, but with that out of the way, we can start off more genuinely."

"Oh, so you want us to be honest with each other, yeah?"

"As much as we can, yes…"

"Well, first, I can see you're controlling your emotions way too much for someone who claims they just want to speak their mind. Second, if I propose we fuck again tonight, would you agree?"

That caught the owl off guard again, and he blinked at the imp.

"I'm… Sorry if I appear a bit distant, I'll try to work on that. It's just… As I said, I don't want to cross a line with you. I guess it's also a bit of a professional quirk at this point, I'm sorry if it's bothering you."

Stolas was trying his best to be honest without revealing too much, hoping it would be enough, because of course Blitz had noticed this wasn't his usual demeanor, especially when it was just the two of them. Well, Ozzie's happened since, but still, he wasn't behaving like that on earth either and the assassin knew it as well as himself.

"As for your offer, em… Are you sure? You didn't seem… Comfortable with the idea until know, even thinking I only wanted to stay close to you for sex. Isn't it a bit early? I'm not against spending some time without anything of the sort if…"

"Cut the crap, I'm not doing this because I feel like I have to or because I think that's the only activity I'm good at, beside killing", and he was definitely not thinking Stolas would grow tired of him quickly if they didn't fuck, okay, "but because I want to, and because I want to see how honest you really are."

If he was completely honest, he did want to screw Stolas quite badly, it has been a long time and the prince was quite the good lay, maybe more than just good actually, but he did try to refrain himself in order to ponder a bit, and also… He was indeed testing him with that.

Because there was no way the Stolas he knew would pass up on such an occasion if he could. But with how the Goetia was moving, he was definitely still hurt, which meant many things Blitz didn't like, but mostly, he wanted to see if the prince was willing to admit his injuries or if he was going to give some bullshit excuse.

Accurately, it was the owl's current train of thoughts. Because hell, the simple idea of having sex with Blitz again was enough to make him blush, but he knew himself well enough to know he was still in no condition for such things, thanks to Stella and her goons and curse his healing abilities that were definitely slower than usual even taking into account the number and gravity of his injuries. Sadly, he couldn't really say that bluntly, Blitz would be curious as to why he was hurt, and he didn't want to lie, but he definitely couldn't say the truth either.

"Hm, I…"

"See? You're not answering right away! You're trying to come up with an excuse, ain't I right? You'd already have jumped on the occasion before! You're even interested, I know that look. So, what's the matter?"

Suddenly, Stolas was aware Blitz's teasing was oddly on point, like if he already knew what was keeping him from downright accepting. But… How could he know? He hadn't been that obvious now, did he? He was usually good at hiding his pain and injuries, even if it usually wasn't to that extend.

"Well, you know I'd love to, but I'm a bit disturbed by your sudden change on the matter, and I… May not really be able to engage in such activities currently…"

That sparked something in Blitz's eyes.

"Oh yeah? Please tell me you didn't hurt yourself so you could try those healing spells? You looked for some for Goetias too I'm sure?"

Stolas blinked again, debating on whether to jump on the excuse or not.

"Ah, hm, not exactly, though I did try to heal myself with the spells I found, but I wasn't successful."

He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have admitted he was injured, and he shouldn't have let that realization show on his face either. The imp definitely noticed, with the way he squinted at him.

"So you really are hurt. Why the fuck not say it from the start then? What, I'm not worthy of such information?"

"No, no, that's not it!"

The owl tried to do placating gestures with his hands, but they were slow, and he almost immediately put away one of his arms after a glimpse of pain showed on his features. He was quick at concealing it, but Blitz wasn't blind.

He jumped from his seat and approached Stolas on the side of his painful arm, eyes narrowing.

"Something the matter with your arm?"

The reaction was instant: Stolas brought his arm to his chest with the other above it, as if to prevent Blitz from touching it, but without actually gripping his injury, which meant it was probably still painful.

"N… No, no, that's… Nothing that won't heal on his own."

Blitz eyed him critically.

"Stolas, what the hell is happening? Why are you hurt? Why did I need to corner you into telling me, huh? Talk about honesty! Is this just a game to you? Do you royals don't know how to talk to people without being manipulative? So what, I'm not bound to you by contract so you don't need to bother with telling me stuff? Is it because of what happened with Striker? I'm not worthy of protecting you, is that it? You'd rather learn how to heal yourself in case it happens again so you can be on your own?"

"No, no! Please, don't jump to such conclusions, it's not that… It's… It's just complicated…"

"Well, it doesn't have to! Just fucking tell me what's going on!"

Blitz's tail was lashing behind him as he was staring angrily at the prince, waiting for an answer. The servant choose this moment to come back to warn them dinner was ready.

"Oh, uh, thanks, we'll move to…" Stolas started in the direction of his staff.

"Go eat alone Stolas, if I take the time to come here to talk and you won't even answer me, then I think I'm done here for tonight. I'll take my part as takeout too, if you don't mind", Blitz added to the other imp, who bowed and left.

"Blitz, no, please, let me explain…"

"But you're not explaining anything!" The assassin suddenly exploded. "You keep asking me to wait, that I don't understand things right, but I think I get it plenty enough! You're just trying to buy time to change the subject or find excuses, but you know what Stolas? I don't know what you're playing at, but that ain't the genuine relationship you promised me on the full moon. Whatever you're trying to get from me, I won't simply let you play your sick game on me."

With that, the imp turned his back to him, walking quickly inside, and Stolas didn't know if he should follow him or not. He was unable to say anything to try and reason him, because he knew Blitz was right. He had messed up, like usual, and he probably didn't deserve any kind of relationship with Blitz right know with what was happening anyway, but it still hurt, oh, it hurt so much!

Now that he was alone, Stolas didn't know what to do. Should he still try to catch up? His leg injury was slowing him down, but not enough not to be able to meet Blitz at the entrance, but… Was the imp still willing to listen after everything?

The owl felt like he had truly and completely messed up. He still managed to get near the front doors, just to watch the imp leave with his food without a glance back, and he wondered why exactly Blitz came back.

He still didn't know how the imp knew about his injuries. He didn't know how to interpret Blitz's reaction, but he knew the assassin had been right: he hadn't been honest. But he didn't want to lie… What was he supposed to do? Outright tell him he couldn't speak about it? Maybe that would have worked, but Stolas clearly felt it would still had counted as a lack of trust.

Maybe Blitz was right, maybe he should wait after that whole thing with Stella was over before coming back to him… But it still hurt so much.

Stolas was somewhat amazed to be able to get back to his room with a clear vision. He told his servant on the way to keep his meal for later. He wasn't hungry anymore.

Some part of his brain suggested that maybe his healing abilities were slowed down by the lack of food and sleep he was going through, but that wasn't enough to even make him consider eating. He was thirsty though, so he opened a portal in the cellar to grab a green bottle.

Once alone in his room, he shuddered violently at the sight of the place he has been tortured earlier in the day. The pain awakening again in his whole body made him put down the bottle and walk to the bathroom, were he took painkillers again. Then, he eyed the happy pills, unsure if he had taken them that day yet. With how shitty he felt, may as well take some more anyway.

Once done, he didn't even bother to check on his injuries. He simply laid flat on his bed, tears already starting to fall down his cheeks as his heart felt like an open wound, bare and fresh and bleeding painfully. At first he was able to remain silent, but then his lungs felt constricted too, and he began to sob audibly. Then, he sit in his bed to start the drink he brought with him, hoping it would help numbing everything. The physical pain, the emotional one, and the memories of the whole day, while he was at it.

He didn't want to think anymore. He was done with thinking. He was too dumb to find a way to get Stella off his and Blitz's back, he was too dumb to be able to create a fucking genuine connection with his only childhood friend – his only ever friend, actually, if he could even be called friend now anymore thanks to what he said earlier – and he had no idea what he was doing, how he was going to handle everything, and some part of his brain was trying to warn him than even for a Goetia, mixing alcohol and medicine wasn't a good idea, especially when he was still recovering, but he didn't care.

He didn't care because it didn't matter. He was alone, more than he ever was. Via wouldn't be back before several days, he had nothing of importance tomorrow, so he could just get lost for a bit, forget about everything, about how much of a failure he was on so many levels as guilt and regret were eating him out alive.

Just like that, the bottle was empty in only a matter of minutes, not that he could really notice in his current mental state. He could only notice the number and strength of his thoughts decrease, and it felt good. Good, but still not enough.

Somehow, he managed to open a portal to grab another bottle, which ended up empty as quickly as the first one. His vision swayed, he felt himself slide on his bed, the feeling of his cheek wet against the sheet, but he was too far gone to realize.

He just wanted some fucking silence. A peace in his mind, just for a few… Little… Moments…

His head hurt like hell.

Stolas tried to open his eyes, but the light was enough to make him give up almost instantly. No, he didn't want to wake up, he wanted to stay in this state. He didn't remember what he was fleeing, but he knew he was fleeing something. Someone. Whatever. Better stay here, in the nothingness. He had enough of trying and failing, enough of seeing his hopes being crushed relentlessly.

Pathetic.

Stella's voice rang in his mind, making him flinch. He didn't want her to be right, but he didn't fully care.

After what felt like a long moment, his mind cleared enough to muster the energy to try and pry his eyes open again. It took some time, but he succeeded.

Then, he remembered yesterday, and wished he could go back to the blissful unconsciousness.

But he couldn't. He still had duties, outside of his grimoire, things to do, plants to take care of. They didn't deserve to suffer because of him.

So, slowly, he got up. His headache was still pounding in his brain, and some injuries from yesterday's torture still felt sore, but several had disappeared, at last.

But then he tried to get up, and the world started spinning until his body met the floor.

Ouch.

He stayed there for a couple of minutes, then he tried to sit up. That alone was enough to see the world spinning again, but this time his back fell on the side of the bed rather than on the floor.

Ok, he could do this. Step by step. He didn't need to think about yesterday. Blitz was long gone and he probably deserved it, but Via would come back eventually and he couldn't let himself spiral down too much. His plants still needed him, and even if he was afraid to see Stella again soon, he definitely didn't want her to find him in such a state. She would probably be glad tho, but he wouldn't.

He didn't know how long it took him to put himself on tracks, but one thing was for certain: it took way longer than usual. He didn't bother to check his injuries, bath or change his clothes, simply doing what he had to do. He didn't have anyone to meet anytime soon, so he couldn't bring himself to care.

No new text on his phone, not even from Via. He decided to wait a bit before he sent anything, in order not to let his current state of mind show in his message. If Blitz had noticed more than what he intended to, he was worried his daughter may have too, especially since she had way more occasions than the imp to notice anything unusual. Since she did show more concern than usual toward him, he feared he had already failed that. Which meant he would need to put extra care and energy into appearing normal when she was here.

By the time he was done taking care of his plants, he wasn't… Fine, exactly, but he was well enough to shot a picture of one of his plants who beautifully blossomed, managing to grow back a small amount of positive feelings in his chest as he sent the picture to his daughter with a small message.

That was pretty much all the socialization he would be able to do today. He was half tempted to just get more absinthe but he couldn't simply spend his days doing nothing and getting wasted. Plus, focusing on tasks could distract him from his darker thoughts.

That is, until he met with a familiar group of four on his way to his study to resume his training on healing magic.

"Ah, Stolas, how nice of you to come to us again! Did you miss me already?" Stella couldn't help but giggle at his sight.

Suddenly he wished he had started drinking, and maybe taken some more pills too, to be able to simply go through what was coming yet again, especially since he still wasn't fully healed. But then his mind reminded him being drunk would probably endanger Blitz, and as hurt as his heart was, he didn't want anything to happen to the imp, maybe now even more than before with how guilty he felt.

So he complied, listening to what his ex wife demanded of him but without answering or reacting if he didn't need to. He was too exhausted to care, even as she commented how awful he looked.

Quickly, they were back in his bedroom with the usual set up, and he was almost surprised Stella wasn't changing it. Maybe when she'd grew bored of it, but perhaps it wasn't a bad thing she didn't yet.

"Now, on your knees. You don't have any outing nor meeting in the next few days, right? It's time to let them take care of that ugly face of yours", she cooed darkly.

It was strange to have the three hellhounds towering over him for once, when he was standing up he was taller than all of them. It added to the atmosphere of the scene, and even as empty as he felt, seeing this still sparkled a hint of dread in his core.

That was going to be one hell of a week, he could sense it, just before the first punch hit the side of his face, making him see starts.

03/04/2024

That's all for today folks! See you next week! ;)