Chapter 3
Any chance I had to deny it was lost in the long seconds of stunned silence before I found my mental footing.
"Armsmaster," Legend spoke with a warning tone. "Explain yourself."
Armsmaster spared Legend a glance, then looked back at me. "You can't make accusations and expect us not to check. We collaborate with hospitals and the police to watch out for potential trigger events. I cross-referenced reports from Shadow Stalker's handler with reports of suspected triggers between the beginning of her probation and your first appearance in costume."
This must be what it felt like, when Tattletale casually pulled the rug from under someone with her power. I hadn't even imagined that they could do something like that. Based on Miss Militia's body language, she hadn't expected it either.
He continued, "According to the police report, no perpetrators were found, and we were not made aware of any involvement from Shadow Stalker, but we did a follow up."
Legend's head whipped around at the words "police report."
"Great job on that," I commented weakly.
"According to the file, someone checked up on you in the hospital on January seventh. It says here that you were not lucid at the time, so the case was filed as inconclusive," he said, his tone weakening at the end. "There was no further follow-up."
"I'm so glad to see the efficiency of the PRT in action."
Backup now? Tattletale asked. I've got dirt on Armsmaster.
Could she guess what was going on from my subconscious influence on the bugs around her?
It took everything in me not to accept her offer, to run away from the here and now, and deal with the consequences later.
I didn't doubt her ability to get me out of the immediate situation. Just like I didn't doubt her ability to convince me to go back to the team.
I didn't want her to try.
Standby, I told her.
Legend sagged a little, and I could tell that there was a silent argument between Armsmaster and Miss Militia. Things neither my bugs nor my crappy vision could make out in details. It annoyed me not to have the full picture, so I reached for the bugs in my utility compartment.
At this point, I might as well.
A contingent of cockroaches climbed up my back, carrying the protective case to my shoulder where I picked it up. I retrieved my glasses and handed back the case. They were surprisingly clean, all things considered. I put them on, letting the world come in focus for the first time since I woke up in the emergency room.
My movement drew Miss Militia's attention and a shift in her weapon, but she relaxed after seeing how innocuous it was.
"Your options are limited," Armsmaster said. "The smart thing to do is to join the Wards."
I took a deep breath to collect myself. This time, I made no effort to push the bugs away.
I spoke carefully, making a conscious effort to keep my voice even. "If your idea of resolution is to back me into a corner until I agree with the option you're already picked, you might want to stop." My eyes fell on the hard line of Armsmaster's mouth. "You have a lie detector, so you know I'm telling the truth when I say I'm talking with Tattletale right now. I'd say I have plenty of options."
That got a reaction.
I continued, "I can use my power to communicate. Doesn't have to be just her either. I can reach out to everyone in this building, and you'll have a hard time stopping me, unless you want your own turn at breaking the truce."
Miss Militia's eyes widened. I stood upright, stepping away from the examination table, and met Legend's eyes.
"We're done here," I told him.
I took a step to the right, moving away from Clockblocker. Now really wasn't a good moment to find out whether my bugs would continue to carry out my orders while I was under his power the way they had when I was unconscious after the fight with Bakuda. I moved between Legend and Miss Militia, who were less likely to use their powers on me.
Legend grabbed my arm to intercept me before I could go any further. Wasps reflexively flew out from under my armor, and conscious effort held them back from stinging as I twisted and pulled to get my arm free from his grip.
The move was spectacularly ineffectual. Legend didn't budge, and I would have fallen on my ass if he hadn't been holding my arm. He lifted me to my feet while I scrambled for the tattered remnants of my dignity.
"Stop," Legend said. "Please."
His tone was more tired than authoritative. It reminded me of my dad, begging me to stay home. Not a good head space to be in right now. Maybe even worse than the school meeting.
"So, if I don't join the Wards, you'll keep me here until I give you an excuse to arrest me? Is that how this goes?"
The wasps settled on my arms and shoulders as I gave orders to the rest of the swarm instead.
"That's really not what is going on. I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. Leaving only makes things worse for everyone, yourself included."
I tugged my arm again, and he let go. I stepped back.
"It solves the part where you're trying to pressgang me."
"Armsmaster vouched that you wanted to be a hero."
Really? Now he was willing to vouch for me?
"Give me five minutes," Legend pleaded, "and if we don't have a solution you're happy with by then, you can leave."
I didn't answer. Instead, bugs moved to form large block letters on the other side of the window, giving them a sample of the message I could send out to the rest of the building.
Legend sighed as he read the words.
"Today was a good day. Maybe one of the best days we've had against Leviathan in years. And it was still a terrible day. They all are. Every single one of them." He took a small step toward me, and my wasps buzzed in warning. "Can you imagine today's fight with half of the attendance? With twice the damage?"
"I'm not the one who broke the truce."
"But we all have to live with the consequences of it and carry them into the next fight, and the next, and the next. The best we can do is to minimize those consequences so innocents don't pay the price."
I know that. It's like nuclear weapons. I don't want to press the big red button; I just want you to want it even less.
"Five minutes. If you keep me here any longer than that," I told Legend before nodding toward Clockblocker, "or that my power gets disabled for any length of time, everyone in my range will know everything in a matter of seconds."
Legend nodded.
"What's your ideal scenario?" he asked, a trace of exasperation in his voice. "What solution would you find one hundred percent satisfactory? We'll work from there."
I inhaled slowly, biting down an angry retort, and exhaled before speaking. "Can I take a moment to think?"
"Of course," he answered before giving Armsmaster a pointed look.
I was half-tempted to take the whole five minutes out of spite and then leave without another word.
One floor down, Tattletale was getting increasingly agitated. She'd noticed the swarm forming on the ceiling, hiding a message made of squashed bugs for as long as I retained control over it. Other swarms were doing the same across the building and around it, in every area where people were gathered.
Need a moment, I told her.
K, she answered right away, tensing up even more. The hand that wasn't touching the letter was tapping an erratic rhythm on her thigh.
I closed my eyes to think.
What did I want?
I wanted Armsmaster to go fuck himself, but that probably wasn't part of a workable solution.
I wasn't ready to go home and talk to my dad, but I wanted him safe and out of the loop. Shadow Stalker was a threat to the first thing, and the heroes, to the second. I'd grudgingly tell him the truth and face the music if it was the only way I could keep him safe, but that was a last recourse, not a first step.
Every reason I had for not joining the Wards to begin with was still valid, even more so now that I knew Sophia had been on the team.
If I were perfectly honest, the reason I was keeping Tattletale at a distance was that part of me yearned to go back to how things were a just few days ago.
When Grue and Regent ignored me before the fight, it stung, even though I was the one who walked away.
When I heard Tattletale's name over the armband, I didn't think about the way we parted. I thought about my best friend dying, and not being able to help her.
In the year and a half since Emma's betrayal, I'd grown used to the isolation. It wasn't until I found these guys that I realized how starved I was for a connection. How easy it was to let them in. How much of a void there was to fill.
It wasn't until the option to see them again was almost taken away from me that I realized how much I didn't want to let go.
I wanted to hang out with Lisa, making up for all the time I'd spent without anyone to confide in.
I wanted to spend more time with Rachel, taking care of her dogs and savoring the freedom of not giving a fuck about anything else.
I wanted to ignore what I'd learned about Alec's past, and everything that couldn't be excused by his upbringing.
I wanted to pretend like I hadn't seen a new facet of Brian, so I wouldn't have to give up the comfort of everything else.
I wanted the friendship, the company, the complicity. The nights spent sharing food and watching movies. The freedom of the loft. The support. The validation.
More than anything, I wanted not to think about the cost.
Dinah.
Every time my thoughts drifted toward her, I felt a physical stab of guilt. Going back would mean letting Coil keep his pet, and that wasn't something I could forgive myself for.
Would Coil come after me once the Undersiders told him how we parted? He didn't strike me as the kind of guy who would leave loose ends hanging for very long.
On my own, I'd be easy to take out, especially when Dinah could predict my next move before I even made up my mind.
I'd made enemies in almost every faction in the city. The only team I could think of that might let me join was Faultline's, but being a mercenary was not appealing to me at all, and Coil was known to hire them from time to time anyway.
Could I find allies elsewhere? There were a number of rogues and independent capes in the city. Fewer now, with today's casualties. But if established teams had failed to draw them in, I didn't have much hope to convince them to join me.
As a last resort, I could tell the heroes about Dinah and let them deal with it, and hope that they were better at rescuing kids than at handling their own personnel. And then what? Go into hiding? Retire my civilian identity? I'd still be alone, cut off from my dad and running from the law.
The growing frustration must have been visible on my face, because Legend broke the silence.
"Let's look at it from a different angle. You've already rejected the option of joining the Wards, but I do think it would be the best solution. What concessions can we make to convince you?"
I snorted. "None. I'd rather go to jail than spend the next two years as one of Armsmaster's subordinates."
I half expected Armsmaster to say something like "that can be arranged," but he remained quiet.
"You wouldn't necessarily have to stay here. You could get a fresh start in another city, under a new name, with teammates who would only know you as a hero. It might actually be better for everyone, given the conflict of interest if you stay here. If you have any preference, we can accommodate you."
The last thing I wanted was to force my dad to choose between me and everything that held him to Brockton Bay, knowing that he would feel guilty no matter what he picked. Knowing that I would feel terrible either way.
I didn't want to know what he would choose, once he knew the truth.
It wasn't my only reason. I'd spent my whole life in this city. I didn't have much in the way of people to miss, but there were places. Memories. My mom was buried here, and I hated the thought of being unable to visit her anymore. There was the house I'd grown up in, charged with memories good, bad and bittersweet.
And then there was the handful of people I didn't want to leave behind. Dinah. The Undersiders, despite everything. Tattletale. Dinah.
"No, that doesn't work," I said.
"Why not?" he asked.
I hesitated. There was so much I didn't want to say.
"Family," I offered as a partial explanation.
"Depending on your parents' situation, we can facilitate a transfer to new employers and housing."
"It's more complicated than that. And not negotiable. I'm not leaving the city."
My other reason had nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. With me out of the way, they could sweep the Shadow Stalker situation under the rug and pretend that it never happened.
I didn't want people to do that anymore.
He studied me for a long moment before speaking again, carefully weighing his words. "Would you be willing to work under Miss Militia?"
Was that an option? Assigning a babysitter from the Protectorate so I wouldn't have to deal with Armsmaster directly?
He explained, "We were planning a restructuration of the local Protectorate and she will be taking over leadership. Of course, we'll have to account for today's losses and future transfers, but this part shouldn't be affected."
That threw me in a loop, and I wasn't the only one.
Armsmaster's head snapped toward Legend, a muffled sound of indignation dying on his lips. Had he not known this in advance? Miss Militia looked uncomfortable, carefully avoiding to look at her colleagues. Not surprised. Maybe Armsmaster thought his superiors would change their minds after today. Maybe that's why he'd been so eager get his moment against the Endbringer.
I might have enjoyed seeing him get knocked down a peg if it wasn't for the reminder of Coil's plan.
"I expect there will be a restructuring of the group structure. Perhaps members will be exchanged with other nearby Protectorate groups, someone else might be put in charge, new rules, regulations and quotas put in place. Whatever the case, it will be some time before they regain their footing and re-establish their reputation. By the time this occurs, I will be settled in my new role."
It struck me just how convenient this whole situation was for him.
Not just the current one. He had something to gain from every outcome, from the moment Shadow Stalker had attacked me.
Had she succeeded, the local heroes might not have recovered from the scandal, taking out one of the last remaining obstacles in his way. He would be rid of a potential traitor and sole holdout against Dinah's treatment, without getting his hands dirty or risking to lose the Undersiders' allegiance. My death at a so-called hero's hands might even have radicalized them in his favor.
In the current state of things, getting pressganged by the heroes had me on the verge of leaking every bit of damaging information I had, and could easily have nudged me back to the Undersiders and under his thumb. Even if I kept my mouth shut about Shadow Stalker, Coil might find out from his moles in the PRT and leak the info himself.
Worse, he could recruit Sophia.
Given his previous tactics and the resources at his disposal, I had trouble believing he didn't have a hand in a situation where he stood to gain so much.
It wasn't impossible that he had looked into my civilian identity after I joined the team, and I knew he was actively researching the Wards'. He could have made the connection and tried to use it to his advantage. Or he might have blindly followed clues from his precog to set dominoes in any direction that would advance his plan.
Or I was growing paranoid and it was just one big, extremely suspicious coincidence.
How did his power work? I wished I could ask Tattletale, but she'd been evasive about it in the past, and we weren't exactly on the same side right now.
If he didn't know already, I didn't trust for one second that he wouldn't find out and capitalize on this situation.
I felt violated at the thought of my personal life being used as a tool to further his agenda, and there were precious few things I could do that wouldn't help him directly or indirectly.
"Hypothetically," I asked, gritting my teeth, "what would probation entail?"
Surprised flickered across Legend's face before settling into a warm smile. "The exact terms would be based on your past crimes, mostly to define the level of supervision needed, and how you could and couldn't use your power while in the program. You would lose your probationary status when you turn eighteen, then have the possibility to join the Protectorate."
The fact that Sophia's behavior had slipped through the cracks for so long spoke volumes about their idea of supervision. I hmmed noncommittally.
"How do you sell it to the public?" I was thinking more specifically about the people I'd terrorized at the bank and during the fundraiser. The civilians who had personally seen me in action, or been on the receiving end of my power.
"Do you have any secondary powers, or aspects you haven't used much that we could play up to make it look like something different?" he asked.
"No."
"You're lying," Armsmaster called out. Asshole.
"Nothing worth mentioning," I answered, stressing each word as I glared at him.
The last thing I needed was to be forcibly rebranded as the Seafood Avenger, fighting crime by physically throwing crabs at people. I'd have to carry them in a tank, or a large bucket, since I couldn't draw them out of the environment at a moment's notice. My costume would include bright colors and a thematic mask, probably. Sophia would have an absolute field day the next time she tried to kill me.
"It's okay," Legend told me. "You haven't been active long enough to make a strong impression on the public consciousness, and civilians at that shelter saw you fight Leviathan one on one to protect them. We can build a compelling narrative from there. You wouldn't be the first villain to switch sides after realizing what we're really up against. You would still need a new name and costume, to make a visible transition, but we have people who can help with that."
Clockblocker's snort did not fill me with confidence.
My eyes settled on him. The armband had called Aegis's death, and I'd personally seen Browbeat get crushed by Leviathan. I had no idea if there were other casualties amongst the local Wards. I'd fought against all of them before, so we definitely weren't off to a good start. Worse, they might have been friends with Sophia, which put them in the same category as Emma and would bring me full circle to where I was before I went out in costume for the first time.
I looked away.
Dinah, I reminded myself.
If freeing Dinah somehow depended on me going back to school for two years and putting up with everything there, would it be worth the trade-off? The bullying, the obstructive authority, the isolation… I wouldn't even have the privilege of escapism that my power had afforded me these past few months. Could I live with that?
Could I live with myself if I took the selfish option at Dinah's expense?
I was ashamed of my hesitation.
"You said you could make concessions," I said, trying not to sound as defeated as I felt.
"Yes," Legend answered, his tone inviting me to continue.
"You need parental consent." I had looked it up what felt like a lifetime ago, when I first started toying with the idea of becoming a superhero. "I don't suppose that part is negotiable?"
"No. Especially if you're on probation. Not unless you're emancipated. There are laws we need to follow when dealing with minors." Legend paused, and I regretted asking as his expression grew concerned. "If there is a… situation… that needs to be addressed, we can— "
"No," I cut him off, too quickly. Shit. Now they would definitely get the wrong idea. "No. It's just… complicated."
I felt a stab of guilt, thinking about my dad. Once he knew, I could only picture two ways things would go. Either painfully ignoring the elephant in the room to settle in a mediocre pretense of normalcy, the way we had since mom died, or the same way as our last conversation went, with him demanding answers and me running away. I had to push the thought away before it grew big enough to change my mind.
"I can't go home," I blurted out. Fuck me. That was the wrong thing to say right now.
I continued, hoping to dismiss their assumptions about my dad. "The Undersiders know my identity, and they know where I live. I don't think they would come after me since I know theirs as well, but their boss might." It was an excuse, and a bad one at that, because Brian was really the only one who needed to worry about his identity. But the past week had proved that Coil had no qualms about playing fast and loose with the unwritten rules.
Legend, still frowning, studied me for a long moment before answering, "I'm sure we can arrange something."
I nodded.
"You talked about protective custody for my family. My… former employer has spies in the PRT, so you'll want to be careful about how information circulates. If anything happened because I trusted you—"
"We'll bring them out of the city," Legend interrupted. "Temporarily," he stressed before I could repeat my stance about staying here, "until the situation has been dealt with. I can bring them to New York and have people I personally trust look after them."
I wasn't sure Dad would agree, but I nodded and continued, rushing to switch to a slightly less uncomfortable subject.
"Emma Barnes."
"I'm sorry?"
"You asked about people she might contact. I'm pretty sure Emma knows everything, and her dad's a lawyer. Well, divorce attorney, but he's thrown his weight around before to let them get away scot-free. They live on 25 Thornhill Avenue."
Miss Militia frowned and shifted posture abruptly enough to draw my eye, and threw a quick glance at Armsmaster, who didn't reciprocate. Her expression went back to neutral as soon as she noticed me looking.
Legend remained oblivious. "Thank you. We'll send someone right away." He fiddled with his earpiece to relay the message.
"I won't give you anything on the Undersiders." This one was directed mostly at Armsmaster, to make it clear that whatever deal we had before, this was not it. Even after parting ways, I didn't want to betray them like that. "But their boss wants to take over the city, and that restructuration you mentioned? That's part of his plan, and he's using it to make his move."
At once, the atmosphere of the room shifted.
"Explain," Armsmaster demanded with a step forward and an authority that made it sound like I was on the wrong end of an interrogation.
I shot him my best unimpressed look, and purposely turned to address Miss Militia as he clenched his remaining fist. Salt in the wounds.
"I can give you the details once we have a deal."
She nodded. "I'm assuming there is another condition before we do?"
A tightness grew in my chest as I reached for the words. I'd had time to think it over, but saying them out loud made it more real, more shameful.
"There's someone he's holding captive, and I want to rescue her."
"A loved one? A hostage?" Legend's voice grew concerned as he spoke.
"Prisoner. Not a hostage."
"What kind of situation are we talking about?" Miss Militia asked, cautious.
I swallowed the taste of bile that surged every time I dwelled on Dinah's circumstances for too long. "She's a kid. A precog. He's keeping her hooked on drugs to use her power. We found out about it yesterday. The Undersiders didn't want to intervene, and I quit them over it; I won't join unless you do."
Looks and quiet words were exchanged before Legend turned back to me.
"With a precog at play, it's best not to plan without countermeasures in place, but we'll definitely look into it. Anything else? Conditions or concerns?"
I shook my head.
"Then welcome aboard."
I nodded, throat too tight for words.
If things went wrong, defecting wouldn't put me in a worse spot than not joining in the first place. But for now, it was the right thing to do. The Protectorate had better resources to mount an offensive against Coil than I would on my own.
I just didn't want to think about the possibility of the Undersiders being caught in crossfire.
I rearranged the bugs in front of Tattletale. She read my message, read it again, and rushed to spell a new set of letters.
Mint B.
Asking if I was okay, if I was being forced. I was, but not in the way she thought, so I lied.
Clover N.
I wondered if she'd picked Brian's name on purpose, to give me second thoughts.
Probably.
She took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly through her mouth before muttering a few words to herself.
Thank you for everything, my message read.
She went to spell something else, but I dismissed the bugs.
I couldn't bear to say goodbye.