Note: People, are the email notifications down again? This website, for fuck's sake. Well, I'll keep updating every Wednesday, okay?
And I loved your comments! Thank you! I'll enjoy while you still like me, because I know that with this story you can hate me real fast. lol.
Hope you keep enjoying this mess.
And the only thing I have to say is: My God, this chapter.
November 20th, 2003
"We shouldn't be doing this." Hermione says while he kisses her neck, his hands squeezing her waist. He feels like a lunatic. He never wanted her so damn much.
"I don't care." He says in a deep voice, his mouth going back to hers, their tongues meeting in a frenzy. He missed kissing her, he missed touching her, he missed being with her.
Hermione pulls at his hair, moaning and rocking her hips to his, her other hand stroking him. In one fast move he reaches her panties, pushing it down and finding her hot folds.
"Fuck, Harry." She moans openly, loudly. He bites on her neck, his fingers entering her.
He feels mad. This is perfection. They're perfect.
Her nails dig into his back when he massages her clit, his mouth going to her breast. He never felt so hard in his entire life. He's afraid he might come without even beginning. She holds on to him while he teases her with his fingers, knowing exactly what she likes.
"I love you." He says, kissing her neck again. "I love you. So much. I never stopped loving you. I wanna be with you."
She doesn't answer and he keeps kissing her neck and jaw and then when he looks into her eyes, they're blue-
Harry jolts awake, sweating. It's the middle of the night. And it's the fifth time he wakes up with this same dream. He puts a hand over his eyes. Tessa is asleep by his side and his cock is- He needs a release. In silence, he raises from the bed and goes to the bathroom. Using a spell to lock the door and muffle the sound, he reaches into his boxers.
He did this exact same thing on each time he woke up from this dream. And every time he feels ashamed. But he can't stop. He can't ignore this. He closes his eyes while he strokes himself. His mind is taken by the many times he had sex with Hermione. He misses her touch. He misses how perfectly they fitted. He misses her mouth on his skin. He misses her moans and her smell. He misses eating her out and-
With a groan he reaches his orgasm. It's fast and intense. He breathes heavily, trying to come down from the high. He knows what comes next.
The guilt.
He feels dirty. The worst boyfriend ever. Tessa is right there on the bed and he's here, jerking off while he thinks about Hermione.
"Fuck." He curses under his breath, using a simple spell to clean himself.
He opens the faucet and splashes cold water on his face. Since he last saw Hermione at Draco and Ginny's he's been thinking about her nonstop. The first night he had this dream it felt so real, so damn real that he cried after.
And things between him and Tessa are terrible. They're not understanding each other as well as he thought they would. They don't think alike in many aspects and this is such a huge obstacle in a life meant to be spent together. The other day Rachel wanted Tessa to tell her a bed time story - something that Tessa always leaves to Harry - the little girl insisted on it and Tessa lost her temper a bit. Rachel cried and Harry was so fucking angry about it.
They had a nasty fight.
He yelled at Tessa that when Rachel is finally opening herself more to her, she refuses something so simple as laying down with her and reading a story. Tessa reacted angrily saying that stories are for fools. That she wouldn't participate in deluding her daughter with fairy tales. They barely spoke for two days after this. Then they had wild sex to make up. It was nice. But Harry can't deny… something is missing. Something important that he can't pinpoint.
He sighs, both his hands on the marble.
On the night that Tessa refused to tell the story, Harry cradled Rachel and she told him that Hermione is telling her the story of the three friends. That uncle Ron is always there too and he helps her tell it. Rachel asked if Harry knew this story too. She asked if the story was real. Nervous and feeling the jealousy inside him - because Ron was there, he's always with Hermione - he asked what was the last part mama Mi told her. Rachel said that the boy with glasses was about to meet his Godfather. It brought tears to his eyes, but he told her. He told his entire adventure with Hermione and the time turner. Rachel slept with a smile on her face.
Harry closes his eyes. He's going to see Hermione at the wedding. In five days. He can't deny: he's nervous. And he wants so much to see her, talk to her, even if for a brief second, it-
He runs a hand through his hair. He's been asking himself what he's doing with his life. Is this the life he always dreamed of? Is this what makes him happy?
Shaking his head he dismisses the thoughts and goes back to bed.
Tessa didn't even move.
November 25th, 2003
He's feeling a bit cold. He knows it's because he's going to see Hermione. He dreamed about her again yesterday. That same dream. And now, as he waits for Tessa and Rachel to get ready for the wedding, he mulls over Hermione. Hermione and Rachel to be more specific. He's glad they're spending at least one day a week together, glad that their beautiful connection is just as strong as it was when they used to live together. Harry can tell that Rachel doesn't talk about Hermione's life because it feels precious to the little girl. But Harry knows that she talks about him and Tessa to mama Mi.
He opens a tiny smile. Harry has no idea how Hermione's doing it, managing her hours and such, but it brings him immense joy to know that his daughter has her as Godmother. And practically as mother too.
Even if his relationship with Hermione is practically non existent now, she didn't abandon Rachel. And it warms his heart.
He looks at his hands. She'll be there with Ron. The thought makes his stomach churn. He doesn't want to see her with Ron, he doesn't want to see her with anyone else-
Stop being a hypocrite.
He's with Tessa.
And he promised himself that he would give them this chance, he doesn't want to run away this time. Even if things are difficult between them, he believes they can fix it, he believes they can find a way. He has to. Or else he might go crazy-
Tessa takes him out of his thoughts with a kiss on his cheek. He turns to look at her.
"Oh," He smiles. "I thought there was no way for you to look more beautiful. Guess I was wrong, huh?"
She opens a smile and wraps her arms around his neck. Wearing a blue dress that matches the color of her eyes, she indeed looks unreal, like a character from a book on its most perfect moment. They share a simple and small kiss.
"Wait to see your little girl." She says, bumping her nose on his. He recoils a bit. But Tessa doesn't mind. She never notices when he does this. However, each time their noses touch he… thinks of Hermione. This intimate gesture always felt like their thing.
"Where is she?" He looks behind Tessa, waiting to see Rachel.
And the little girl comes running to him with open arms. Harry seizes her and chuckles.
"Sweetie, you look like one of the princesses you love so much!"
She claps her hands, excited. The green dress looks amazing on her, it's just the perfect combination of cute and elegant for a wedding.
"So, are we ready to go?" Tessa asks, fetching the car key.
Harry clears his throat. "I- We- We need to go through Portkey, Tess."
She raises an eyebrow, annoyed. She hates when they have to do anything magically. She already told Harry that she feels like a fish out of water when this happens. But, she puts the key down and comes to him, nodding. He kisses her temple and still holding Rachel, Harry seizes the Portkey that will take them to the venue.
His mind briefly goes to Hermione before they're sucked into it.
Hermione looks at herself in the mirror, making a face.
"I'm not sure." She says.
Ron is sitting on the bed behind her, observing. "Not sure about what? You look extremely hot." He puts it simply and she chuckles.
It's undeniable that having Ron back in her life is the best thing that happened to her on these past months. Their friendship is growing stronger and stronger.
She's been going out more with Gustave, but not to a point where she can take him to a wedding. So, she and Ron decided to go together to keep alive the little pretend that they're a couple. Hermione thinks that this should be the last time they do this, after all, they can't keep this charade for too long.
"Is this because you're going to see Harry? Because, you've already seen him with Tessa. What's the big deal?"
She clicks her tongue and turns to look at him. He's having some fun at her expense.
"I- I don't know."
He shrugs. "Well, believe me, you have nothing to worry about, this dress is perfect."
It's a long burgundy dress and it snuggles to her body. The cleavage is nice, the straps coming together around her neck, her arms exposed. The make up looks good, but even so, she's in doubt.
And she knows why she's so nervous. In the past, every time she imagined Gin and Draco's wedding she was with Harry and Rachel. And now, reality is so different it shakes her. She presses her lips together.
"Tonight I'm sure they're going to be the perfect family they should have been since the start." Hermione voices what's eating her from inside. Harry, Tessa and Rachel together.
Ron sighs. "Hermione, come on, stop feeling sorry for yourself. I already told you to seek out the freaking therapist." He points a finger at her. "Life is not linear. It has ups and downs and such." He rises from the bed and walks to her, putting both hands on her shoulders, looking deep into her eyes, "You chose to move here. This is your life now, own it for fuck's sake."
She opens her mouth, a bit shocked. He laughs and kisses her forehead.
"Prick." She smacks his shoulder playfully. "I do own it, but tonight is just… different."
"It's going to be fine." He waves a hand. "We need to go." Ron looks at his watch. "Shit, Ginny's gonna murder us. Are you ready? We're late already."
She nods and they hold hands, in a blink they're sucked into the Portkey.
When they arrive, Harry scans the room with his eyes. Searching her. But she's not there yet. Looking down, he tries putting himself together. Tessa is squinting at him.
"What is it?" She asks, some edge on her voice.
He smiles and shakes his head. "Nothing." Harry kisses her on the lips and in a blink they're being surrounded by some of the Weasleys.
Rachel runs to play with the other children and Draco comes to them. He looks good in the black tux he took forever to choose. Harry steps aside to talk with the groom.
"Looking good, mate." Harry says and pats Draco's shoulder. The man is white as a sheet.
"I confess I'm a little nervous." They laugh. "Hey, how are you? Distract me."
It's been a while since they last talked and Harry admits he kind of misses this.
"I'm good. Things are slowly… settling down."
Draco glances at Tessa, the same direction Harry is looking.
"How are things with you two? Everything you ever dreamed?"
Harry makes a face, not sure why Draco is the one who always makes the hardest questions. What bothers him the most this time is that… the answer is not quite what he expected it to be.
But before he can say a thing, his eyes land on a woman at the other side of the gigantic room.
It's Hermione. Of course it's her. And she looks like a goddess. Harry presses his lips together, bewitched. Yes, his life is nice. And yes, he's in a good place. But right now, looking at her, he knows, for sure, that it could be better. He knows for sure that a piece of himself might be missing. A piece only her carries-
"Hey, Draco." Tessa comes to them, her hand on Harry's, squeezing. "Look at you, all ready to get married."
Draco chuckles and answers something, but Harry is still looking at Hermione. She's talking to a few guests and he wonders if-
Rachel shrieks loudly, and simultaneously, Harry's, Tessa's and Hermione's head turn to the same direction. The girl is running to Hermione. And now Tessa is also watching the scene, completely frozen by his side.
In fact, all the Weasleys are also watching, because-
He was expecting this, but even so, his stomach goes to his feet. Ron is by Hermione's side, laughing at something she just murmured to him. And when Rachel reaches them, she hugs Hermione and then Ron takes her in his arms, the three having a moment.
He blinks, jealous. So fucking jealous. He knows Tessa can tell since she tugs at his hand in an angry manner.
"It's such a good thing, isn't it?" Tessa says in an irritated tone. "That they're going strong." She's talking about Ron and Hermione. "Hermione loved him to death. Those years you were at the Auror training were the best for them, probably. Ah!" Tessa exclaims. "I remember Ron asked me about a ring. He was ready to propose. Do you think they might be secretly engaged now?"
Harry doubts. At least… he hopes it's not the case. Well, shit-
And Hermione finally looks at their direction. Their eyes meet. It's brief. But he feels his blood rushing through his veins. Hermione says something to Ron and he also looks, opening a small smile. Then he whispers something to her and they share a look. This look. It's like there's a hand squeezing Harry's heart. There's trust in the look. And friendship. And something more.
He tries ignoring what he's feeling. He has nothing to do with this. Hermione can be with whoever she wants to-
When Hermione puts Rachel down - she darts away to the other kids - she nods at Ron and they intertwine their fingers, walking slowly, coming to them. Draco takes a few steps to greet both. He hugs Hermione first. Harry opens a tiny smile at the way she looks at Draco.
"You look like you're about to vomit." Hermione says, amused.
Ron releases her hand and greets Draco with a firm handshake and a friendly smile. "I cannot believe Draco Malfoy is about to be my brother-in-law."
Tessa tugs at his hand again and Harry finally turns his head to her. She doesn't look happy. But she says nothing. With some fire in her eyes, she pulls him by the hand to where Draco, Ron and Hermione are talking.
"Hey!" Tessa exclaims, "Hermione, Ron." It surprises Harry the way she's being so nice. Maybe she doesn't wanna ruin the wedding with a fight between them. And they're all sober. Differently from the stag parties.
"Tess." Hermione says with a smile. It doesn't reach her eyes, though. "How are you?"
"Amazing! How's Paris? I can see it's been good, right?"
Ron chuckles and takes a step forward, "Harry, mate." He extends his hand.
Harry raises an eyebrow, looking at Ron's extended hand. There's a heaviness in the air. Deep down he doesn't want to take the hand. He doesn't want to pretend that he's fine with Ron. He's not. Harry sets his jaw. However, this is Ginny's wedding and all the Weasleys are here, there's no need to make a scene, so, he takes the hand.
It's a firm handshake.
"Nice seeing you, Ron." And he looks at Hermione. "Hermione."
She gives him a simple nod in acknowledgment. Someone calls to Draco and they're left there. The four. It would be possible to cut the tension with a knife. And Tessa is the one who does it.
"I have to say, it's so nice seeing you two back together!" And she moves closer to Harry, her arm going around his waist, his inevitably resting on her shoulders. Hermione's eyes are following each movement.
Ron also moves, bringing Hermione to him, kissing her temple. Harry wants to disappear when she opens a sincere smile.
"Indeed." Ron says. "We only lost each other for a few years, right, love?"
Hermione playfully smacks Ron's chest. "Right." She says, winking at him. "And apparently we weren't the only ones." She moves a hand to Harry and Tessa. He can't read her expression. Hermione is hiding pretty well her emotions.
Tessa lets out a snort. "Of course! But in our case we were never truly apart, were we, Harry?"
Hermione visibly tenses. And Harry's eyes land on Ron's hand going down her waist, resting on the side of her ass, his lips again on her temple, a word coming out of his mouth. Something only her can hear.
"Would you excuse us?" Ron says, "I really want to talk with the rest of the family."
He doesn't wait for an answer, and, steering Hermione, they walk together, their heads close, talking. Hermione's hand is inside Ron's back pocket and Harry sees red.
"Harry, a word?" Tessa is already pulling him in the opposite direction, to the balcony.
He shakes his head, trying to send away the image of Hermione and Ron. He can't believe how well they seem to be. Maybe now they're getting married. For real. Maybe now they're both mature enough to live this teenage love and make it work. Maybe Hermione is going to have five red headed children with Ron. Maybe they'll live in Paris forever and Harry is never going to-
"Are you serious?" Tessa is talking. Harry blinks. She's in front of him with her arms crossed. And the fury in her eyes make him focus. "You could at least pretend-"
"Hey." He pulls her to his arms. Some guests are observing. "Tess, what are you talking about?" He gives her a peck. "Come on." He says softly. "Relax."
He knows she's jealous. With reason. But he's not ready to have this conversation with her. He's not ready to face the fact that he's with her now, but… what if his heart belongs to Hermione?
He keeps kissing Tessa's face and she finally calms down. She gives up on the idea of talking about his behavior and he's thankful. Both decide that they should enjoy the night and celebrate Ginny and Draco.
Holding hands, they walk back inside, searching for Rachel.
Hermione is looking at Ginny with tears in her eyes. She and Ron were allowed inside the bride's waiting room and she's glad they're having this moment. Inside the room there's no chance of her seeing Harry and Tessa walking around like the happiest couple in the world.
"You look gorgeous." Hermione says and hugs her friend. Ginny is also emotional and nervous, but her eyes are wide while she watches Ron and Hermione behaving so naturally with each other.
"You two could totally give it another try, couldn't you?" She asks in a high pitched voice.
Ron snorts a chuckle. Hermione shakes her head.
"Gin, please." Hermione says, serious.
"You do know mum and dad are going to think this is for real and all that." Ginny says to Ron.
"We're breaking up in a month or so, right?" Ron asks Hermione. "She's going to fall in love with Gustave."
They laugh. Hermione blushes a little. She can't deny that she's enjoying more and more the time she spends with Gustave. The man is a real gentleman and so, so good in bed.
But Hermione stops laughing before the others. Yes, Ron is making this easier, but it's hurting. Fuck. It's hurting a lot. She tries not thinking about this, but tonight… she knew this would happen. But well, it's Ginny's day and she's happy for her friend.
Ron takes her hand. She thanks his support with a smile.
"I mean, you should enter together, then." Ginny says. "Do you want to, Hermione? You're supposed to walk down the aisle with Harry, but I totally understand if you want to change this. There's no problem for me if you go with Ron. Harry can go with Tessa."
Hermione had forgotten about this detail. It totally slipped her mind. Being in Paris is really changing a few things…
"I- I mean, I don't mind." She says. Truth is she wants to go with Harry, touch him-
Ron puts himself in front of her. She focus on his blue eyes.
"Hermione, don't torture yourself. You're moving on, remember?"
He's right.
"I really don't like when you're right." She states in a low voice, then, to Ginny, she says, "Yeah, maybe it's better if I enter with Ron."
He winks at her and she inhales deeply. She promised herself she would forget Harry. Promised herself that their story is in the past and there's no way of this happening if every time she sees him she gives in to her first instinct of being close to him… reality is, he must be crazy to walk down the aisle with Tessa.
It will be their wedding soon. She would bet a few galleons on this idea. After what happened, Harry must be crazy to propose to Tessa and finally form the family he always wanted, officially. Maybe they'll have more five kids-
"Hey." Ginny takes her out of her thoughts. "It's all set! Guys, I'm getting married!" She shrieks.
"To a Malfoy!" Ron complains.
But again, they laugh.
Harry didn't quite believe it when Draco told him that he's not walking down the aisle with Hermione. She'll enter with Ron first and then he and Tessa. And then the others. He tried not having a reaction when he heard this, and he succeeded, but now, alone, inside the washroom, he sets his jaw, making a face.
He wants to punch something.
This is not happening.
He closes his eyes and tries coming to terms with a few things. Hermione is not his anymore. He's with Tessa now. There's no reason to make a fuss about this or about the fact that Ron and Hermione are a couple.
He slams a hand on the sink. But in a blur he leaves the washroom, walking to where he's supposed to wait the start of the ceremony. Tessa is already there, talking to Ron and Hermione. It doesn't seem like the nicest talk, but they're not making ugly faces either, so, that's something.
However, when he approaches them, the conversation dies down. Ron immediately puts a hand on Hermione's waist and Harry averts his eyes fast, focusing on Tessa. She gives him a peck. Harry really puts some effort into not backing away from her.
It feels like a crime to do this in front of Hermione.
He clears his throat and looks at the two people who once were his best friends.
"So, are you going to share how this happened?" He motions a hand to them, asking the obvious. He promised himself he wouldn't do this, but…
"We were just talking about it, actually." Hermione says. Harry raises his eyebrows. "Ron found me drinking some coffee at a restaurant. He sat down for us to talk and well… I guess the rest is history." She shrugs. Ron is smiling.
"We're actually living together." Ron says.
Harry almost chokes. Tessa is excited about it.
"Really?" She asks, very interested. "Ron, finally, huh? This is the perfect example that we can't give up on our dreams!" Ron chuckles and Hermione chuckles with him. Harry bites on his tongue not to be unpleasant. Because, what the fuck is Hermione doing? Ron made her suffer a lot and now she's back with him as if- "I mean, I'm sorry if I'm intruding, but before I suffered that accident, I remember Ron talking about a proposal…" Tessa leaves the words in the air.
Hermione widens her eyes and turns to Ron. "What? Were you-"
"Okay, okay." Ron cuts her. He's blushing. Harry hates this conversation. He hates the world right now. "Yeah, I was going to propose, but I guess it wasn't meant to be." He shrugs.
Hermione is looking at Ron with an intense gaze. Harry can feel his heart beating faster. And when she cups Ron's cheek with a hand, Harry really, like really, wants to put himself between them.
"You never told me." Hermione whispers.
This is terrible. It feels like they're watching a private conversation. A conversation they shouldn't be seeing. But Harry can't take his eyes from them.
"It's in the past. Doesn't matter." Ron says and kisses Hermione's palm. She opens a soft smile. One Harry saw many, many times. When they were cuddling. When they were watching a movie. Telling a story. At the playground with Rachel. When she used to taste what he'd cooked. After she hugged him tightly. Or just before-
A peck.
It's fast. But for Harry it seems like it lasts hours. And it hurts more than that kiss he saw they sharing outside the girls' club on Ginny's party. This is intimate. And loving. Also infinitely worse than seeing her with Ned. He can't quite describe it. Her relationship with Ned always felt temporary to Harry, but with Ron… it's another story. If they're together now, they really settled all their scores. It's a serious relationship and Harry hates to admit to himself, but he's insanely jealous. He's livid.
And he consciously knows he shouldn't be, but how can he control his emotions? He can't. So, he does what he can. He takes Tessa's hand and without a word takes a few steps away from Ron and Hermione. He ignores their presence. He can't keep acting like a jealous boyfriend with Hermione.
Fortunately they don't have to wait long. The ceremony is about to start.
Hermione is laughing. She can't deny that when she wasn't crying because of Ron's crazy jealousy or mean words, she was laughing with him. He's fun and an amazing friend. And now, as they dance together, she can even feel some tears in her eyes from the way he keeps mocking their clear ineptitude.
She doesn't know where Harry is, nor does she care. Since that brief conversation before the ceremony she noticed how he began to ignore her presence completely and to be honest, she's relieved. It feels nice to be free from their insane game of hide-and-seek. Her mind is not filled with thoughts of what might happen if Tessa wakes up. She doesn't feel an immense guilt each time Rachel is with her. Thoughts about not being her true mother don't cross her mind anymore.
Things are simpler now, easier. And for the first time in a long time, Hermione feels like herself again.
The emotion that seizes her heart is one of… acceptance mixed with relief and some sorrow. Maybe she and Harry were indeed playing house together. Now it feels like a dream. If she thinks about it, it was extremely hard for them not to fall in love and raise Rachel as a couple. But with Tessa back, Hermione has the liberty to free herself from these shackles. Not that Rachel was one, no. She loves the little girl with all her heart and it never felt like a burden to take care of her. But the never ending doubt if she was taking a place that shouldn't be hers is over. And this… the freedom from this consuming thought makes her… laugh.
She laughs and dances with Rachel. The girl is giggling with her, and then Ron seizes Rachel with a little yell, raising her above his head and laughing sincerely. With the girl in his arms, Ron pulls Hermione closer and they dance as a small trio.
The party is invading the night and Draco and Ginny haven't separated since they said their vows. Hermione can't help smiling while looking at them. They're happy together and they bring the best out of each other, which is something so rare…
Inevitably her eyes travel the room a bit. She sees Harry. He's with Tessa - of course. They're in an embrace, swaying in place, hugging tightly. It's like a knife to her heart. She looks down and then back at Ron. He's making faces at Rachel, both laughing like kids. She moves closer to Ron, kissing his cheek.
"I need some air." She motions to the balcony and he nods, going back to his crazy dance with Rachel.
Hermione walks fast out of the room, bumping into the others a bit. But no one mind, they're all having a good time.
The fresh air is indeed everything. She inhales deeply and closes her eyes. The night is chilly and there's no one else out there at the balcony. She takes the remaining steps to the rail. This venue is an amazing place. At the top of a beautiful mountain. From up there Hermione can see a Wizarding community in the middle of London. It calms her heart and mind. The last time she had such an amazing view like this was while riding a broom with Harry.
She lowers her head and puts one hand above her heart. And she lets herself feel the pain and sorrow. In another reality they could have worked. In another life. The circumstances were always against them. And she doesn't hold it against Harry. He finally got the love of his life back and it would be ridiculous to think that they wouldn't jump right back to where they-
A jacket covers her arms and back. Hermione raises her head, gulping. She recognizes his smell. It engulfs her. She's afraid to look at him, so, she doesn't. Still looking into the horizon, she murmurs:
"Thanks."
He puts both arms on the rail too, leaning and mimicking her position. Harry doesn't look at her either. And the silence stretches between them. To her surprise it's not awkward. But she has no idea what he wants. First he was acting crazy jealous - she saw it, clear as water - then he decided to ignore her and now he's here.
And it's just the two of them.
"You seem happy." Harry whispers.
She raises both eyebrows. "You too." She says on the same tone.
Another silence.
And then he says what he really wants.
"I just don't get how you can be with Ron again." Harry turns to look at her properly. "After everything he did-"
"Stop, Harry." She says firmly. "I can do whatever I want with my life. Wasn't this the subject of an argument between us?" She doesn't turn to look at him. "People change. Ron is another man now-"
"Oh, please. Don't tell me you believe that."
She purses her lips. Angry. And now she turns to look at him. He's so jealous. Fucking shit. She can see in his eyes, in his posture, in the way he's breathing. And she doesn't understand this. Her mind has a hard time believing that he's jealous of her while he could be kissing Tessa all night.
"What about you, then? How many times you repeated you didn't feel a thing for Tessa anymore? Fuck, on that day when you kissed me I told you. I knew this would happen." She snaps. This is far from ideal. Harry sets his jaw. "But I respect your decision and I have nothing more to do with your life, Harry. In honesty I'm very happy that Rachel finally gets to have the family she is supposed to. And even if things aren't the best between me and Tessa, she's an amazing person. I only wish you the best, Harry, I hoped you could do the same."
"I'm doing it." He says fast. "Ron is not the best for you-"
"It's up to me to figure that out."
"Again?" He says a bit louder. "How many times is he going to break your heart?"
She snorts, looking down. Then she looks up at him. "Ron is not perfect. I know. And even if he broke my heart many times, none come close to the way you shattered it in a billion pieces."
"Hermione-"
"You didn't ask me to stay, Harry. In fact, you told me to go. And now you're with Tessa. What do you want me to think?" She snorts. "I was just a crappy substitute, wasn't I?"
Harry widens his eyes. Hermione takes off his jacket, her eyes briefly going to the door that leads to the balcony. Tessa is coming to them. Like a hawk. Without a word she returns the jacket to him and walks back to the party, not stopping when Tessa crosses her path.
And just because she's angry and slightly inebriated, she seeks Ron in the crowd. He's talking to Draco. Hermione doesn't think twice, she just wants this heavy feeling to go away. And she knows what she needs.
When she reaches him, he barely has a second to understand what she's doing. Her lips touch his and he hesitates for a beat, then, Ron wraps his arms around her and they share a real, proper kiss.
It does not stir her insides. It does not quicken her heart. It does not make her wanna explode like the happiest person in the world. Their mouths move naturally because they know what they're doing. Because they've done it countless times. She knows she's kissing him for all the wrong reasons, but at the moment, she does not care. At all.
When they separate, though, she feels guilty about it. Making a face she looks into his eyes and Ron snorts a chuckle, then he talks into her ear.
"Hey, it's okay. You can use me to make him jealous, I promise it's all good."
She also speaks into his ear, "It's not about jealousy, it's just… I needed this comfort. I'm sorry."
He squeezes her in his arms. "It's fine, Hermione. Relax."
At this very moment, Ginny announces she's throwing the bouquet. Ron smiles mischievously, then looking around, he takes her hand and Hermione notices they're walking closer to where Tessa and Harry are. But he stops a few feet away.
However, in a loud voice he says:
"Oh, my love, you have to catch this bouquet!" He makes a scene and a few friends laugh around them. She widens her eyes, though, squeezing his hand. "Maybe I'll get a chance at the proposal I couldn't make all those years ago."
She shares a look with him, there's a smile on his face. He's having fun. Ron wants to annoy Harry. He wants to make him suffer in a way. Hermione is not so sure this is the answer, but she goes with it.
She gives him a peck and a wink before she heads to the place where Ginny is waiting. Tessa appears by her side with Rachel in her arms. And when the little girl tries to go to Hermione's arms, Tessa doesn't let her.
Pursing her lips, she stops words from pouring out, but she smiles at Rachel, kissing her head.
"Rachel here is gonna catch the bouquet for mummy, right?" Tessa says, talking to Hermione. "It's about time daddy proposes, isn't it?"
Hermione feels cold at the words. Rachel doesn't say a thing, she's watching auntie Ginny talking on the platform, turning around and making a countdown to throw the bouquet.
She's not really thinking about catching it, so, she crosses her arms and watches while every other woman moves to do so. Hermione sees the scene in slow motion. And she can tell the exact moment a spell hits the bouquet, forcing it to land in her arms.
Opening her mouth, she laughs. Then she turns around, her eyes meeting Ron's. He's also laughing.
"Come on, Ron!" Ginny yells. "You cheated!"
However, no one cares about this and the party continues.
With the bouquet in her hands, Hermione walks to him, shaking her head.
"You're impossible."
"What? I just helped." He kisses her cheek and they share a hug.
Just when she pulls back she catches Harry's eyes on them. She holds his gaze. They only break contact because she shifts her attention back to Ron. He's asking if she wanna stay until the end or if she wants to go.
Hermione decides to stay. She wants to enjoy the party.
And she puts aside any thoughts of Harry.
Ron takes a moment from all the dancing. He feels pumped but also tired. It's been a stressful night in all aspects. Sitting down at a table, he watches Hermione dancing with Ginny. He loves them. Ginny is his sister and he knows that they share a special sibling connection, something only both can relate because of their close ages. It sounds absurd but he's happy that she married Draco. They work, which is strange yet right. And the ferret changed a lot, Ron can even consider him a friend now. He does hope they have a long and beautiful marriage.
And Hermione.
She looks absolutely breathtaking tonight. Ron confesses that when he went after her in Paris, he thought about getting her back, he thought that maybe they could try again, but when they started talking, when he saw her face transform when he mentioned Harry and Rachel… it's obvious that they're not meant to be. She's Harry's. She's always been. And Harry's hers. Now that he can see it from a impartial place, it's so clear…
His eyes go to Harry. The man is dancing with Tessa. Sourness all over his expression. Ron tilts his head. Why he's forcing himself to be with her? He looks miserable. Ron likes to provoke Harry, but deep down he misses his friend. He doesn't want him to be unhappy. Which he clearly is with Tessa. Hermione is probably the only person that thinks otherwise. She's blind to reality. To Hermione, Harry and Tessa are finally living the dream.
Ron squints. Harry is saying something to Tessa, excusing himself. It's subtle but Ron sees the way Harry's eyes go to Hermione and linger. He's watching her while he goes to the washroom. It's kind of satisfying that she doesn't even notice that Harry is watching her.
Ron's eyes go to Tessa. She's watching Harry while he watches Hermione.
Well, damn. What a mess.
Angry, Tessa walks outside, to the balcony, and Ron doesn't think twice. He follows. Hermione gives him a look but he just winks at her. She goes back to her dance.
It's a chilly night and Tessa is bracing herself. Ron puts his jacket around her shoulders. She looks at him, startled. Fuck. He's a bit intimidated by her beauty.
"Thanks." Tessa says in a low voice, watching the night. "Needed some air."
Ron raises an eyebrow, surprised that she's… talking to him so openly.
"Are you thinking about what I said to you the other night?" He provokes, crossing his arms.
Tessa snorts and says nothing for a while, Ron waits… "You know what… I am. I've been thinking about what you said a lot."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, I- I don't know." She looks down. Ron observes her. She's been through so much and yet so little - life passed by her while she slept.
"How old were you exactly? When you suffered the accident?" He's not sure about it.
She makes a face. "Twenty."
"Wow, so young." He feels a need to touch her. Comfort her. Tessa brushes away a silent tear.
"Yeah, well, it was meant to happen, right?"
Ron clicks his tongue. "You must be very… confused."
She widens her eyes, gulping and pulling his jacket more, tightening it around her body. "I-" She sighs. "Can you believe that no one tried to talk to me about this? No one asked me how or what I was feeling. Everyone was so happy that I was back and that Hermione had healed me to one hundred percent that…" She shrugs. "I don't know, I guess they all thought that I was fine, why wouldn't I be, right?"
Ron gulps. "If you wanna talk… I can listen."
They share an intense look, something strange is happening. Ron's not sure what. But- In an impulse he steers her to a corner, away from prying eyes and everyone else. And… he hugs her.
Tessa hugs him back, squeezing him. Ron is not sure what he's doing, not sure if he's crazy or if this is right. She cries and he soothes her with patience. Deep down he fears that Harry will appear and separate them and punch him. He really doesn't want to fight with Harry. Not tonight.
So, he takes a step back from Tessa, looking into her amazing eyes.
"Hey, it's fine. Everything is going to be fine." He says.
"It's not, Ron. It's really not and I have no idea what to do. I know he thinks about her, I know. All the time."
He feels bad for Tessa. She's just… lost. Like he once was. Like he once felt. And he understands her. Ron cups her face and Tessa widens her eyes when he brushes her tears with his thumbs.
"Harry and Hermione have something that's extremely hard to understand, Tessa. They're an unit. They're solid. You can't have Harry without her. And it's impossible to be with Hermione without him."
"I don't accept that, not after everything and-"
Ron leans to her, their noses touching. He waits. She's breathing heavily. He also is. They share a look. And Tessa moves a bit to him, their lips touching softly. An electric current travels Ron's body. It's like he's waking up to life, it's like- He closes the distance between them, their lips fully touching. Tessa opens her mouth a bit and he does it too, softly. Such softness.
It's-
She pulls back fast, shoving him. He blinks, completely dumbfounded. Without a word Tessa takes off the jacket and throws at him. Then, she walks back into the party.
Ron stays there for a while, looking at the floor. Then, his fingers move to his lips.
There's a smile on his face when he goes back inside.
Because of Rachel they decided to head home before the end of the party. It's already 2am but it looked like the celebration was going to take over the whole night and early morning.
Tessa gives him a peck and heads to the bedroom. He has Rachel in his arms, the girl is sleeping soundly and he walks to her room. With a simple spell he dresses her with some pajamas and watches her sleep for a while.
Harry inhales deeply. His jacket is impregnated with Hermione's scent and perfume. And he doesn't want to take it off.
Hermione was still there when they left. Dancing, drinking and having an amazing time. She only gave sleepy Rachel a goodbye kiss. But she completely ignored him and Tessa. And Harry couldn't believe the sexy way she was dancing with Ron. Again, it boiled his blood to a point that he knows it was impossible for Tessa not to see.
'You didn't ask me to stay.'
Indeed. He told her to go because he thought it would be the best for their relationship and to her career. He respected her decision when she voiced it to him. But he confesses that he never imagined Tessa was going to wake up. He thought some time apart from Hermione would help them. Help her get rid of her fears of-
'And now you're with Tessa. What do you want me to think? I was just a crappy substitute, wasn't I?'
Harry lowers his head, sighing. No. You were never a substitute. But even if he keeps repeating this, she's never going to believe him.
He exits Rachel's room and walks to his. He opens the door. Tessa is quiet in bed, probably already falling asleep. He closes the door.
His feet take him to the attic. When he closes the door, Harry lets out a huge breath. Pocketing his hands he magically turns on some light inside the place. Tessa comes here a lot and she changed many things. Pictures of Hermione are well tucked away. What fills the walls are him and Rachel through her lens. And then she and Harry through some clumsy pictures they let Rachel take.
He walks to the furniture with drawers. There are many photos scattered all over, but he knows the ones he's looking for. Harry swallows hard when his fingers brush away a few photos and he sees the picture he considers the most beautiful one. He, Hermione and Rachel at Christmas. That day when the mistletoe forced them to face their own hearts and desires. He closes his eyes. It's like he can feel Hermione's lips on his. Soft and sure.
And it flashes through his mind eye the way she was kissing Ron tonight. When she left the balcony, Harry gave Tessa an excuse and went after Hermione. He wanted to finish their conversation, but she was with Ron. Sharing a kiss he would rather erase from his mind forever.
Setting his jaw, he takes a few other photos of him and Hermione. Some with Rachel. And he sits on the armchair. He has no idea for how long he gazes at them. And after a while he notices he's crying. The emotion strong and suffocating.
"What happened to us?" He whispers, one of his fingers brushing on a photo of her smiling. "Fuck, what happened?"
He knows that whatever chance they had at reconciling is gone. The fact that he's with Tessa is enough for Hermione to never look at him again. At least not in a romantic way. Harry makes a face and brushes a tear.
What the hell am I thinking?
It's hard to understand himself. He's with Tessa because he wants to, because he chose to. Because they deserve this second chance. However, he can't stop thinking about Hermione. And tonight his heart was beating faster and he couldn't stop the smiles from his face whenever she was interacting with Rachel. It hit him how much he misses these moments. How much he misses Hermione in his life. In Rachel's.
And it hits him like a train. Now that Tessa is here, now that he can actually see how it's like to be with her, he…
"Maybe I don't wanna be with her." It's a murmur in the night.
He keeps thinking about Hermione.
Is it too late? It's not possible that she's going to marry Ron or- He remembers the way Ron talked about the proposal and how Hermione reacted. It seems like they do understand each other better now and… is he allowed to ruin their happiness? He has no right. Not after what he did. Not after sending her away and now being with Tessa-
Shit.
And what exactly does he plan to do? Hermione lives in Paris now, for at least another year and a half. He can't move there. Rachel has her life here, and now Tessa is here too, her mother.
Maybe the only thing he can do right now is be honest with Tessa. It's not that he doesn't love her anymore. He does. She's the mother of his child. She's an amazing woman. But it's not the same love. Not the same passion.
Maybe they don't work as a couple. As a mature couple with goals and responsibilities.
Not to mention that his heart doesn't go crazy anymore when he looks at Tessa. He doesn't feel a need to scream at the top of his lungs how much he loves her. He doesn't see them getting married or living a long life together. All these things he can picture with Hermione. And plus the admiration and respect. The trust. The dialog.
Yes, he was over the moon when Tessa woke up, but when reality hit, things turned out way different from what he expected. The frenzy of having her back died down and his feelings, after a few weeks of complete madness, came back to normal. It was the first time he noticed that something was wrong. Off. Not exactly in the right place.
Something was missing.
Groaning, he stands from the chair and magically puts Hermione's photos back on the wall. Tessa had no right in taking them down.
While he walks back to his room, he decides that he's having a conversation with Tessa tomorrow. It would be unfair to her to fake his feelings and keep her chained to a failed relationship. Not to mention that in the long run they might even come to… resent each other. That's something he really doesn't want to happen. He wants them to have a healthy and honest relationship for Rachel's sake.
But when he enters the room, he falters a bit. Tessa moves on the bed, trying to hide it from him, failing. He already saw that she's crying. He knows why. He knows it's because of the way he behaved at the wedding. Gulping, he walks to the bed.
Harry sits by her side, taking her hand.
"Tess."
"It's okay. I'm fine, I'm fine, Harry." She brushes the tears with her other hand, not looking into his eyes.
He sighs. "We both know that's not true. We know we're not fine." His voice is low.
She sobs, crying some more. He hates to see her like this, he hates to imagine that he's the cause of her pain. After everything.
"Harry, I- I love you, so much."
He scrunches his face, sad. Then, he kisses her hand. Tessa sits on the bed, their eyes meeting.
"I love you too, Tess. But-"
She puts a hand over his mouth to stop his words. "Please, no but. Please." She's begging. He can see the despair on her face.
"It wouldn't be fair to us-"
She cuts him, "I- I just need to say a few things. Can I?" He nods, waiting. "It would be completely unfair of me to ask you to change your mind. But… I'll do it, Harry. I'll beg." He presses his lips together. "Because I- I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I don't know who I am anymore and my own daughter-" She chokes, crying more. Harry moves and puts his arms around her, his hand moving on her back, soothing her. Tessa cries. And it breaks his heart. It… makes things a lot harder for him. "Rachel doesn't recognize me as her mother and it sears my heart in two." She cries harder, he can feel her pain and it's a strong emotion. He has no idea what he would do if Rachel didn't consider him her father anymore. "I need your help with her, I need you to be on my side on this, please. Please." She keeps repeating the word. Like a chant. Harry has no reaction. He's torn-
"Tess, of course I'll help you with Rachel, but… us," He moves back to look into her eyes, "as a couple, we- there's-"
"Harry," She scrunches her face, "I- I can't throw this at you, but after everything I went through you're not even giving me a chance, you're not giving us a chance!" She's exasperated.
"That's not true. We're trying but-"
"When you fell in love with Hermione," He raises an eyebrow, "it didn't happen fast, did it? I'm sure you still thought about me, about us." She puts a hand over his heart, "And now I'm here but you're not trying, you have to let her go, Harry. She moved on." Her tone is serious and he sets his jaw. "She doesn't love you anymore."
He gulps, lowering his head and scoffing, sad. Maybe Tessa's words are true, maybe Hermione really wants to be with Ron now, but can he truly live with this? Can he let her go without fighting? Without being sure? It-
"Listen to me," Tessa continues, "Give us more time, please. I know we'll find our way back to each other, I know it." She closes her eyes with force, "But you have to let her go, you have to forget her, Harry. Please, let's try. For our daughter."
He inhales deeply. It breaks his heart to see Tessa crying like this. Her desperation is suffocating. And she does need his help with Rachel. For more than two years all he ever wanted was to be with her. At the Auror training the only think he thought about was her. Then when she was in a coma, before he gave himself to what he was feeling for Hermione, the only thing he wanted was for Tessa to wake up-
"Please, Harry." She whispers, moving to him, her lips finding his. He takes a second to correspond. His mind and heart are battling. This is such a hard decision. "Make love to me." She whispers in his ear, pushing the jacket off his shoulders. Harry gulps. He's thinking about Hermione. His dreams invade his mind. It's not fair to Tessa-
He stops her.
"Tess. I- I wanna be honest with you. I've been thinking about Hermione a lot and-"
"I know. I don't care." She kisses him again. "We'll get over this. I know we will." And she starts to unbutton his shirt. "Touch me, Harry. I'm here. And I'm all yours."
He can hear what she's not saying.
Hermione is not there. And she isn't his anymore.
Closing his eyes, he kisses Tessa. And soon he's undressing her.