I think in my whole eighteen years I hadn't even felt quite so peaceful and right as I did on the roof with Joanie that night. The sunset was beautiful but I kept stealing glances at her to see how the colors played on her face. Like I said, she wasn't a traditional beauty but I thought she was pretty and the colors from the sky only made her prettier in my eyes. I probably shouldn't have said nothing but I just couldn't stop myself.
"Can I ask you something?"
She looked up at me waiting for the question but not making a sound. She didn't look scared or upset and the hurt I'd caused the day before was fading.
"What made you drive clear from Bloomfield Hills just to get your car fixed?"
"Oh is that all?" she was laughing a bit and I think it was relief; I don't know what she thought I was going to ask. "Well, I guess I feel like Detroit is having a hard enough time lately and bringing my business into the city seems right and Al's Garage has the best reputation."
I nodded. I hadn't known our reputation extended that far. I don't know what came over me to think to do what I did next but it just felt right and I moved my hand and held hers. I held my breath for a second thinking that she'd pull away or get sore with me but she didn't. She squeezed my hand and then sighed.
"I have a confession," she said and I turned my head to look fully at her. She looked torn up about whatever she had to say. It got me more than a little worried.
"I had planned to have you drive to a party with some friends of mine but I thought better of it."
Her voice was so soft and I was having a hard time catching all her words.
"You were ashamed to bring me," I said and tried to pull back my hand but she wasn't giving it up.
"No," she cried and I don't mean like how some people use the word like crying out, she had tears streaming and it was killing me. "No, it's not like that."
"Then what's it like?" I yelled, "You just tell me."
"Please don't yell," she said, "It's my friends. They would judge you. I know they would. It wasn't about what they'd say to me, it's how they'd treat you."
I just stared at her. We were standing by this time and she still wouldn't let go of my hand so she only had one hand to wipe away her tears. I couldn't even tell if she was crying 'cause she was mad or sad or just hurt. I just knew I didn't want her to cry anymore. I took a chance and pulled her to me and held her tight. She didn't resist at all.
"If they were going to judge me," I said softly, "They would've said some nasty stuff to you too. I don't see why you'd put yourself through it. I ain't worth it."
"I don't care what they say to me. There's so much more to the world than what they see," she said, "They are so small-minded."
"I ain't worth it," I said again.
She looked up at me and it was dark by that time but it's never all dark in a city like Detroit and I could see her eyes shining with tears. I wanted to kiss her but I meant what I said, I wasn't worth the scorn that would come to her and I knew she deserved so much better.
"You are," she said, "I don't know exactly how I know but I know it."
"I guess I'll believe you," I said with a grin, "You are smarter than I am."
Then I did kiss her. It wasn't the kind of kiss that's filled with trying something fresh, but I was afraid all the same that I'd get slapped for it. Her lips were warm and so soft and that roof felt way more than two stories up. We might as well have been on the moon 'cause it felt like we were the only two people in existence. When I pulled away, she smiled at me and I felt pretty sure I wasn't getting slapped.
"It's about time," she said smiling at me, "Pardon my assumptions but I would have thought a guy like you would move faster. I was beginning to think you didn't like me."
I laughed. She was surely not like any girl I'd met before and like damned few I've met since.
"I like you just fine," I said, "What's not to like? I just learned already that getting fresh with some girls leads to trouble I don't need. I'm not a juvenile anymore."
"You don't think I would have accused you of anything?"
"I don't know," I said, "I figure the worst you'd do if you didn't want me kissing you was to smack me but a guy can't be too careful; especially a guy like me."
"You keep saying 'guy like you' like you are a different species or something."
"I mean a guy with a past like mine," I explained, "I got a sheet that's long as your arm."
She was quiet for a while and sat back down in the chair. I offered to run down and get us a couple more beers. While I was in my place, I realized we hadn't eaten and I threw together some sandwiches. I'm sure it wasn't the nicest meal she'd had on a date but I couldn't let her starve.
When I found her again, she was sitting in the chair again and had pulled her feet up under her. I saw her little saddle shoes sitting perfectly straightened next to the leg of the chair. She looked up and smiled when she heard me walking over. I saw that she had put her arms through the sleeves of her sweater and had even buttoned it up. Most girls just buttoned the top button, I don't know why but that's what they did. Now I spent a good amount of time on that roof and I was up there even in the winter sometimes so I was actually prepared for her chill. The days may have been warming up but the nights were still chilly. I handed her the bottle and then walked a few feet over to where I had a blanket stashed that Emma had made. She called it an afghan and said that she made it by crocheting. I don't know much about stuff like that. Closest to a craft my ma ever did was stack beer cans into a pyramid. I wrapped the afghan around her shoulders and she smiled again.
"Thank you," she said and took a pull of the Stroh's.
"I'm not much of a gentleman keeping you up here in this cold," I said and I felt kind of bad but then I didn't think she'd want to go to my room and I wasn't sure at all that I would want her there either.
"I'm Michigan born and raised," she said, "I've been colder. I think the blanket's big enough to share."
I was trying to hide it and look all cool but she saw through it, I was pretty cold too. I moved my chair closer to hers and she wrapped the afghan around the both of us. It was real cozy sitting there with her. She tilted her head onto my shoulder and I rested my head on hers and we sat there for a long time. We didn't say much but after a bit I got worried.
"Ain't your folks going to get worried about you being out so late?" I asked. I liked spending time with Joanie and I knew from experience that if her parents ever got to blaming me for her being out past curfew or something that would be the end of ever seeing her.
"I'm eighteen you know," she said smiling, "It's not a school night and as long as I'm in temple tomorrow, no one will care."
"Temple?" I asked.
"It's like church but for Jews," she explained. I had heard of Jews what with Al's stories about WWII and it's not like there weren't other Jews around, I just didn't know specific things about the faith.
"Tomorrow's Saturday," I said, "Church is on Sunday."
"Jewish Sabbath is sundown Friday to sundown Saturday."
"So right now?" I asked.
"We're not Orthodox or anything," she went on and I wondered if it bothered her that I was so dumb about it but it didn't seem to. "Some Jews won't drive or even ride in a car on Sabbath but we don't sweat that stuff. We aren't always picky about keeping kosher either."
"What's that?"
"Rules about how to dress and when to pray and what to eat and things like that," she answered, "It's kind of a personal thing how strict you feel you need to be. Some people find great comfort in the rules and ritual. I like services and sometimes I just close my eyes and listen to the Cantor and the Rabbi. You wouldn't think Hebrew was a pretty language to hear some speak it but the chanting and singing in temple is lovely."
"I'm sorry I'm so dumb," I said.
"Most gentiles don't know much more than you," she said, "At least you listened and were willing to learn."
I leaned my head back and looked up at the stars pondering what it was like to live so different from how most people did and if it felt safer or more comfortable in that little group or lonelier.
"It's beautiful here, James," she said, "Thank you for bringing me up."
"You're welcome," I said and I felt a little bashful, "I don't normally bring anyone up here."
"Not even your friends?"
"Sometimes Al comes up and sits a while with me and has a beer or two," I said, "But the rest don't even know the stairs lead here."
She was quiet a while longer and I almost thought she might've gone to sleep leaning against me.
"I think this might be the sweetest thing any boy has ever done for me," she said at last.
"Joanie," I began and I knew what I wanted to ask but I also knew I wasn't near as sure that I wanted the answer. "Why do you want to spend time with me? Why did you let me drive you home yesterday and why did you even think about taking me to the party with your friends?"
"Because I like you," she said so simply as if any half-wit could have figured that out and I guess she was right about that because even I had figured that she liked me.
"I know you do," I said, "If you didn't, you'd have slapped me when I kissed you. But why me? Why do you like me?"
"I don't know as anyone truly understands why they like another person," she said sort of pondering her words. "We can see a thousand people and none of them spark our fancy and then that one person walks along and we think 'Hey, I've been waiting to meet you'. I see such tenderness in you, James. And I like looking at you. So why do you like me?"
Now that question kind of threw me. She was right after all about not understanding why one person caught our eye while others didn't and I knew the answer wasn't simple, if there was an answer at all.
"I could say it's 'cause you're pretty and that would be part true," I began, "But that wouldn't be near all of it. You are different from every girl I've ever known. You trusted me when a lot of people wouldn't. I guess you're right, it's not an easy question to answer."
"Why the past tense?" she asked and I admit I didn't even know what that meant. Verb tenses weren't covered in auto shop and that was the only class I ever paid any attention in; so I just stared blankly at her.
"You said I trusted you," she clarified, "That means I did in the past and implies that I don't now."
"I hurt you," I said still feeling pretty lousy about it, "I can see you're still a little hurt and I don't see how you can still trust me at all when you're still feeling the hurt I caused."
She laughed; like actually laughed when I said that. She wasn't laughing at me, not exactly, but she was laughing all the same. She collected herself.
"Yeah," she said finally, "What you said hurt and I was still feeling pretty stung when I came here today but then you brought me here. You shared something with me that no one else gets to see or know about. I'm not just talking about the roof; I'm talking about who you are when you're up here. You know you smile more when you are up here than anywhere else?" I shook my head. "Well you do and you have a beautiful smile. It's almost like a child's smile. Maybe I don't understand what you mean by trust. But I feel safe with you and, to me, that's trust."
I squeezed my arm tighter around her and we sat there for quite a while but eventually she did have to leave. I was a little worried about her and I wished that she didn't have to drive all that way alone at that hour but she didn't seem to have a care in the world about it. If I'm honest I was still worried that she did have a curfew she was breaking. I don't know why I didn't seem to believe her and what she said and really it's not that I didn't believe her, I was just thinking that if she was my daughter, I'd want to know where she was every second and I wouldn't want her hanging out with my sort. Most parents I had met felt the same way.
I walked her down to her car and opened the door for her. She just stood there like she was expecting something and I figured she wanted me to kiss her. I must've been right because she kissed me back. It's kind of strange that I felt a pang of jealousy right then. I probably couldn't have counted all the girls I had dated but the thought that she couldn't know how to kiss like that unless there'd been at least one other guy just really bugged at me. I kissed her deeper like I was staking a claim to her. When we broke apart she was out of breath and I smiled at that.
"I had a really nice night, James," she said.
"Me too," I said, "Can I see you again?"
She smiled like she had wanted to ask the same thing but was all of a sudden too shy to do it.
"I'd like that," she said and put her hand on the side of my face. It was so tender and almost like something Emma would do but then it was so different.
"Call me," she said and kissed me quickly before blushing and hurrying into her car. Yeah that was the flirty look I'd been waiting for and my night was complete at that. Of course I don't even think she was flirting on purpose that time. I think she realized it was the first time she took the lead in the kissing. Things were different then and most girls didn't take the lead much at all.
I didn't hear from her at all the next day and I didn't call her. I didn't know how long folks stayed at temple and I didn't want to disturb whatever her family did on their Sabbath. But once the sun went down, I thought about calling and it wasn't all that late but I used the time to argue myself out of it. Now I normally wouldn't call a nice girl on a Sunday but since it wasn't a religious day to her, I chanced it. I almost panicked and hung up when I heard a female voice that wasn't hers but I had been working for Al a good three years at that point and I knew how to talk right on the phone.
"Good morning, Mrs. Cohen," I said just as sweet as you please, "My name is James Hickok. May I please speak with Joanie?"
There, that should be proper enough and the woman's voice brightened. I guess she was happy about a boy calling her daughter. I wondered if she would've been that happy if she could've seen me. It wasn't even a minute later when I heard a click and then Joanie's voice yelling, "I've got it, Mom!" And then there was another click as her mom hung up.
"James?" she asked even though I knew her mom had to've told her who was calling.
"Hey Joanie," I said.
"I wasn't sure you'd call," she said.
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I guess I was just being silly," she answered, "I got home and thought of all the reasons that you wouldn't call and talked myself out of believing that you really like me."
I smiled. For all the confidence she had, she really was just like the rest of us. I had worried before calling that she wouldn't want me to. That she'd make excuses not to talk to me or something. Things like that had happened to me before. But she sounded so happy that I called.
"Well I really do like you, Joanie," I said.
"I really was just being silly, wasn't I?"
"I don't know if I'd call you silly but you don't need to worry about me liking you," I said. It was funny, I'd been in love or thought I was in love with a lot of girls but it had never gotten easier to tell one, at least not when things were starting out. At that point I hadn't ever really gotten past the starting out part.
"So," she said and she sounded like she was hesitating. "Do you have any plans this afternoon?"
"Actually I was hoping to spend some time with you," I said, "If you don't mind, that is."
"Are you asking me out on a date, James Hickok?" she asked.
"Yes I am," I said with all the conviction I could muster which wasn't much as I was still a little afraid she'd say no.
"Then I guess you'd better come on over and pick me up."
I remember that moment like it's still there for me to stand in. I know I'd never felt happiness like that before and even since those moments have been rare. I think it might have been possible for me to fly out to Bloomfield Hills if I'd had a mind to do so.
I don't think there are any obscure references here in this chapter. I think they're kind of sweet. Young love is so dear, isn't it? Okay so if I did reference something weird and Michigan-centric, let me know otherwise, let me know what you think...I so appreciate the feedback I've gotten and I love all of you dear wonderful readers.-J