It was New Year's Eve and my turn to be nervous and worried.

"A tux, Joanie?" I whined, "Do I really have to?"

"Yes," she laughed, "It says 'black tie' on the invitation."

"That's what that means?"

She nodded and went to work untangling the mess I had made of that tie and tying it properly. She straightened it and patted at it lightly and then pushed onto her toes to kiss me.

"I don't think you appreciate how very handsome you look in this tuxedo, James," she said, "In fact, if we don't get out of here now, we might not ever."

Then she shot me that mischievous grin and I didn't want to leave at all. I might have told her that too but her folks were going to be at this party and I didn't really want to ever have to explain to Mr. Cohen that we missed the party because I was too caught up in having sex with his daughter.

"Do you even have the slightest idea what you do to me sometimes?" I asked as I got her coat and helped her into it.

"Yes," she said and I think that was even worse. That playful side of her could turn me on like almost nothing else.

But, like I said, we needed to actually show for this party. I guess I could only hope she'd still be playful when we got back home. Even she had started calling my little apartment home. I mean she still lived with her folks though mostly at the dorm but I think it just felt more like home when we were together no matter where that happened to be. It probably didn't hurt that most weekends she came to my place instead of staying at school or going to her house. People for the most part didn't shack up then but it was known to happen and it got more common the closer we got to the summer of love but we wasn't living in sin anymore by that time. Though I never thought there was anything too sinful about anything we did. It always made me wonder about people. They'd have a problem with two people living together and loving each other and treating each other right just 'cause they aren't married but no problem with my folks 'cause they were married. Now, there was no way that the way my folks lived was anything but sinful but it wasn't considered living in sin. They cursed at each other and beat on each other and that seems a whole lot more wrong than anything Joanie or I did. I'll never figure it out.

We drove out to the country club in Bloomfield Hills and let me tell you, that place was a little intimidating for me. Even a city kid like me knew what a country club was and that you had to be rich and fairly powerful to get in. There was valet parking. I had only ever heard of that before but there I was handing my keys to some guy knowing that with my background, if not for Joanie, I couldn't even get his job parking these cars. But I was with Joanie and I wasn't parking the cars or serving the drinks, I was an invited guest, or at least I was the 'plus one' to an invited guest.

A part of me was scared as we walked in half thinking that everyone would be able to take one look at me and know what I was and where I was from and would all point and boot me out the door. I knew I was being silly but I really feared it. Judy saw us first though and ran straight for us as fast as she could what with it being the first time she'd been allowed to wear high heels. They weren't real high but they weren't little flat shoes either and she had to be a little careful.

"I thought you guys were never going to get here," she said.

"Hey short stuff," I said, "Your sister had to help me with my tie. I guess I'm kind of hopeless."

"Between your tie and my hair," Joanie laughed, "I wasn't sure we'd make it at all."

Judy looked at us like it was a likely story. That kid knew more than I thought a girl her age ought to. I only learned while raising my own that girls learn all the same things boys do and at the same times. Joanie caught the look her sister gave too.

"It wasn't like that, you little pest," she said, "And keep your suspicions from mom and daddy."

"Oh come on, Joanie," Judy sighed, "I wouldn't say anything and even if I did, I don't think it would surprise them. They aren't that stupid after all."

Well, that wasn't a comfortable thought for me but I guessed she probably was right. Sure most of the time Joanie's folks thought she was spending weekends at her dorm but at least some of the time they had to figure that she was with me. They were both intelligent people and they had been young and in love once. It couldn't have been an easy knowledge for them, Mr. Cohen especially, but he never let on. I understood years later. Just because you know something like that doesn't mean you need to talk about it. Some things can just be left alone and the status of your daughter's sex life is pretty high on that list.

There was a dinner served of things I mostly couldn't pronounce. I think the names of the dishes were in French or something. French cooking was all the rage back then 'cause of Julia Child. It was all really good even though Joanie had to explain to me what I was eating. She didn't speak fluent French or anything but she took a little in high school.

Once the dancing started, I took to the floor with Joanie and it felt good to be on the dance floor with someone so beautiful. She was wearing some dress you'd expect to see at prom or something. We danced a couple of songs before there was a tap on Joanie's shoulder and she turned around kind of confused and then her eyes flew open in surprise.

"Aaron, oh my God!" she exclaimed, "What a surprise!" Then she turned to me.

"James, this is one of my oldest friends, Aaron Shapiro, his dad is one of my dad's partners. Aaron, this is my boyfriend, James Hickok."

I shook his hand and felt that stab of jealousy and insecurity. He was a handsome guy and his dad was a lawyer like hers.

"It's good to see you again, Joanie," this new guy said, "Ann Arbor seems to be treating you well."

"Yeah," she said, "I love it there. How's Boston?"

"Well, you know I'm not actually in Boston," he said with a smile that I had to like and I think it was mostly because there was nothing in it that said he wanted to try to steal my girl. It was a smile like friends share, very much like a smile I would give Lou. "But I like it there. It's harder than I thought it would be to be that far away from home. I envy you sometimes being so close to your family but I had the legacy to think of."

"Oh you know your dad would have let you out of that," she said, "You wanted that Harvard crest on the parchment as bad as he did."

He looked at his feet in an admission she was right.

"James," Aaron said to me, "Would it be too much to ask to dance with your date?"

Well, I appreciated him asking but I knew better than to directly answer that.

"That's not my decision," I said and I could see from Joanie's eyes that I found the right answer. "But I think I see a lovely young lady just waiting for someone to ask her to dance."

I nodded over to our table where poor Judy was all alone. Mr. and Mrs. Cohen were dancing together and most boys Judy's age won't ask a girl to dance without their mother prodding them all the way. I think Joanie wanted to dance with Aaron and have a chance to catch up and I knew he was no threat. I walked over to Judy.

"Well now," I said, "How is a pretty girl like you sitting all alone?"

She looked up at me but didn't say anything.

"I don't suppose you'd do me the honor of a dance?" I asked holding out a hand to her.

"Wouldn't you rather dance with my sister?" she asked.

"Oh she's got a dance partner," I answered, "Some old friend."

Judy looked and saw I was telling the truth and then she got up and took my hand.

"Oh Aaron," she said, "He's alright."

"Yeah he seems a nice enough guy," I said leading Judy to the dance floor.

"Oh he is," Judy agreed, "I think dad and Mr. Shapiro would have liked for them to get together but it never happened. It isn't hard to see why now."

I just looked down at her wondering what she meant.

"Honestly, are you blind?" she asked me, "He's glad enough to catch up with an old friend but he'd rather dance with you."

I just stared at her.

"You know not all boys like girls," she said in a tone like I was still in grade school. Anyone else and I would have really resented that tone but Judy could always get away with it. "And not all girls like boys."

"I do know that," I shot back, "Really, he's like that?"

I had heard of homosexuals but I didn't know any name that nice for them at that time.

"Yeah," she said, "Joanie told me. I guess he told her but I don't think too many other people know. I didn't believe her at first but he's keeping at least one eye on you all the time. I know that look too. It's the same way you look at her."

I won't lie, that made me feel really uncomfortable. I learned to get used to it because Aaron was such a good friend of Joanie's. I knew that he would never make any sort of move on me. And now I know that gay men really have no interest in trying to hit on straight men. It usually puts them in too much danger of getting their asses kicked and that's just not something they're ever going for. Hell they get beat up too often for just being and not even trying to hit on anyone.

"You didn't have to ask me to dance," Judy said, "I know I'm just your girlfriend's annoying little sister."

"I know I didn't have to," I told her, "I actually wanted to. And you're not just her kid sister. You're a pretty neat kid. If I was a few years younger…"

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah really," I said, "You're a pretty girl. Some guy will figure that out someday."

I was right too. In fact he was in that room that very night and he was noticing though I think it took him another two years to get the nerve up to talk to her and ask her out.

Before the big countdown at midnight, I got my girl back and I danced a couple more times with Judy and even once or twice with Mrs. Cohen. I really had a lot of fun that night. Finally it was almost time to ring in 1961 and once it was officially time to turn the calendar, I leaned to Joanie for a kiss. I expected a little peck but she had very different ideas of a New Year's kiss. I liked her ideas better. The party went on for a while after that but Mr. and Mrs. Cohen wanted to get Judy home and Joanie and I had a bit of a drive. We all said our goodbyes with hugs and kisses. Mr. Cohen even pulled me into a hug.

"You be good to my baby girl now," he said quietly to me. I nodded and I think I felt a little ashamed for some of how I took care of her and how much he certainly knew. It wasn't said out loud but they knew I wasn't taking her to a friend's house or even Emma's. But then I think they knew she was on the pill and I furthermore think they knew why she was taking it. But it was a changing world for as innocent as things still seemed. Joanie once took me to see "Fiddler on the Roof" and I sometimes felt like Mr. Cohen was like Tevye. He liked his traditions and the way he'd been raised but he saw that not everything was bad about the changes to come and tried to embrace them for the happiness of his daughters.

Joanie and I set out for home and it was one of the first times I felt guilty about it. I know she said she didn't care where I lived but if it was her home too then it needed to be better than a crappy room over a garage. It was quiet for a while before Joanie spoke up.

"I wanted to thank you," she said, "For not being upset about Aaron wanting to dance with me."

"You're allowed friends, Joanie," I said, "You're never upset when I hug Lou. And there was something in the way he acted toward you that made me think he wasn't trying to compete with me. Judy confirmed it for me. She told me he never was interested in you."

"No," she said, "He never was. I think at one time I kind of wanted him to be. He wasn't like other guys and he treated me different and he wasn't always leering at me or staring at my breasts. I got them early and most guys quit looking me in the eye when they talked to me but not Aaron."

"I guess that makes sense," I said.

"You figured that out then?" she asked.

"Judy filled me in," I told her.

"Well, thank you anyway. He means a great deal to me and I worry about him. Some people can be so cruel."

I just nodded. I know how cruel people can be and I know at times I was just as cruel. I knew my cruelty was from ignorance and I guessed a lot of everyone else's was too but that still don't make it right.

"So he's at Harvard, huh?" I asked trying to find a lighter subject. "He must be pretty smart."

"He is," she agreed, "But he got in at least partly because his dad went there."

"He going to be a lawyer like his dad?"

She shook her head and said, "Doctor."

It was quiet a while and then she spoke.

"So, do you have any resolutions this year?"

I thought a bit and I knew there was a big one that was still a surprise in the making so I couldn't tell her that but there were some things I wanted to do in the coming year.

"Well," I began, "I want a new place so I guess that's something. And I thought maybe I'd see about taking some classes or something. Maybe even try to learn something this go around."

Her head snapped up at that.

"You want to take classes?" she asked trying to believe it. "I thought you hated school."

"I hated high school," I said. "There's other kinds of school. I could get my diploma or at least something close to it and maybe even go to college someday like you."

"I think that's wonderful," she said.

"How about you?" I asked, "Any resolutions?"

"Nothing big," she answered, "I want to make the Dean's List next semester. I came so close this last time. And I'm thinking of doing some volunteer work. I don't know what but I decided I talk a real good game but I haven't acted on anything I've said. It's time to get out and do some of the work that will bring about the changes that need to come."

I was so proud of her. I always was. She was willing to put her money where her mouth was so to speak and that is an example I am proud to say my kids picked up on. But Joanie wasn't done resolving things.

"And I want to try to not be such a crazy person."

It was so soft I had to have her repeat it.

"I want to be less crazy," she said.

"Joanie," I told her, "You're not crazy."

"Sure say that now that the black eye has faded," she said, "Normal people don't act like I do."

"So you have trouble with stress," I said, "I can handle it and maybe in time it will get better. But please don't call yourself crazy."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" she asked.

I couldn't help laughing.

"You mean what did you do to deserve a high school dropout car mechanic with a criminal record?"

"You don't have a record," she said.

"What?"

"I asked Daddy about it," she said like it was no big deal. "He said that if you were a juvenile then the record went away once you turned eighteen. You don't have a record."

"Really?"

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that?" she asked.

I shook my head. All that talk of permanent records they threaten you with when you're a kid is just a load of BS. I really felt like a weight had been lifted from me. Joanie scooched closer and rode the rest of the way home snuggled up to my side.

Hello again...yeah so I really don't have anything much to say about this. Just seeing what you all might think...so, yeah, let me know and stuff. Still love you all.-J