I know you're thinking that after that talk I had with Al that I would've been out ring shopping but it just didn't feel like the right time. Things just kind of went along all normal. I started taking some classes over the summer at the community college. I wasn't sure what classes to take or anything but Joanie told me to just take basic stuff and then whatever looked interesting and then I might hit on something that I wanted to do. That was good advice then but it's harder these days to get through college in any decent time unless you know what you want when you start and even then it can get hard. Joanie kept up her volunteer work and when her grades came, we found out she did make the dean's list.
That summer wasn't that different than the one before. I went up north with her family more than once and I was usually there Saturdays when they went to temple. Joanie spent most of the week with her family except for the occasional night at my place. She never lied to her parents about where she was going. She didn't tell them and they didn't ask. Friday nights were always with me and then usually Saturday night as well and then Sundays we went over to Emma's for dinner. Lots of Sundays Ike and Annie were there and Buck and Carol too. Lisa was growing like a little weed and starting to get a little personality. She still had that thick dark hair like her dad and those bright blue eyes like her mom. Annie was getting bigger and bigger the closer she got to her due date. She was also getting more and more uncomfortable as the days got hotter. I know some women will say that being pregnant through summer is the worst but I'm not sure there is a comfortable time to be that big. Sure, the heat is no fun but the ice in winter can be treacherous for someone who is always a little off balance. Annie still tried to be her sunny little self though and Ike was so protective of her and always running to get anything she needed. They were so good together.
The phone rang in the middle of the night in the middle of the week. I rolled out of bed and stumbled my way near frantic to the kitchen. All I could think was something was wrong with Joanie. I guess that's the way it is when you love someone, if they aren't with you then you just worry that something awful will happen. Life is so much easier when you can go to bed each night with your arms around the person you love. So I answered the phone and for a second was relieved to hear Buck's voice on the other end because it meant that nothing was wrong with Joanie. But then I worried for him and Carol and little Lisa. He assured me they were fine.
"And so is Timothy McSwain," Buck said with a hint of something in his voice that my half awake mind didn't catch.
"Who is Timothy McSwain?" I asked and then, before Buck could say anything I figured it out.
"Annie had the baby, huh?" I asked.
"Yeah," he answered, "Timmy's a pretty good looking kid too."
I promised I would tell Emma the next day on my way to work. A lot of days I stopped by her house before work for some coffee and to visit a bit. It was less about the coffee and sometimes breakfast I got than it was about looking in on the one woman who had shown me what a mother's love looked like. With the other guys all married and having babies, it seemed like one of us needed to still look in on Emma.
"Morning Emma," I called out as I walked in the door for my coffee the next day.
"Good morning to you," she said smiling, "You know there's going to be some talk if I keep getting early morning visits from a handsome young man."
"Aw, Emma," I said and I probably blushed at the compliment she threw in there. "Let 'em talk. A lady like you should have gentlemen callers and I don't just mean the likes of me, either."
"Oh, I had plenty in my own time," she said and she kind of looked sad. I felt bad about bringing it up but then I knew I had some news that would put a smile on her face.
"Well, I have some news for you this morning," I said.
"Did you bring my Free Press in with you or something?"
I laughed, "No, I got a call last night about Ike and Annie's son."
"Son?" she asked, "They had a boy?"
"Yeah," I said, "Named him Timothy."
"That's a nice name," she said and then sighed lightly, "I guess I know where I'm going this afternoon."
"If you wait until closing time," I said, "I'll drive you. It'll still be visiting hours."
I finished my coffee and stood up and I just couldn't help myself, I went over and hugged Emma. She just looked like she needed it and the way she hugged me back told me I was right. It was almost desperate and I gave her a small kiss on the top of her head.
"I'll see you around five then I guess," I said and she just nodded at me as I headed toward the shop.
I guess any other day and I would have had Joanie by my side while I worked and then wanting to go see the baby with me and Emma but she was in Midland visiting with Sherry and Sherry's family. I wouldn't even get to give her the news for a few days but then I guess that was for the best too.
It was close to closing time when I heard the door jingle and heard Al call out a greeting to Emma and her return it. I rolled out from under a car and Al told me to just get ready and go and he'd see to closing things up. He wasn't as sentimental and figured he'd see the little guy in due time but he told us to send along his good wishes and we knew he really meant his love. Now I don't know if we need to quite gush about our feelings like we do these days but men sure could have said the word 'love' a whole lot more back then. It's not a dirty word or something and it feels too good to love someone whether it's someone you're in love with or loving your family or friends, I don't know why we were so afraid to admit it to anyone back then.
It was a little way to the hospital and Emma was kind of to herself.
"Are you alright, Emma?" I asked. I was really getting a little worried. I had never seen her so sad and it wasn't like she was crying or carrying on or anything, it was just something sort of sad about her.
"I'm fine," she answered, "Thank you, Jimmy."
I knew she was lying and I didn't care if she wanted to talk about it or not. That's one thing about men, we like to fix things whether we should or not. It was always one of Joanie's gripes about me when she griped about me was sometimes I needed to just shut up or just be sympathetic and not try to fix things all the time. But I can't help my nature.
"Emma," I said, "That wasn't very convincing. What's upsetting you?"
"I just got to thinking about things today," she said, "Things that don't cross my mind too often but when they do, they sort of make me a little blue."
"Was it something I said?" I asked because I remembered noticing her looking sad when we were talking that morning.
"Not exactly," she replied, "Just got to thinking about my own little boy."
"You had a son, Emma?"
"I did," she said and her eyes got this real far away kind of look. "His name was Edward. He got polio and well, you know."
She looked out the window so I wouldn't see her crying but I could tell she was. I put a hand over hers and she wrapped her fingers around my hand and gripped it tight.
"What happened to your husband?"
"He couldn't handle it and took to drinking, drank himself right to death," she said.
"All this time and you never remarried?"
She shook her head and I had a feeling she'd had chances but just couldn't bring herself to take them.
"You know, Emma," I said, "You're a pretty lady and you're not very old at all. There's still time you know."
We were pulling into a parking place as I said it and she slid across the seat and kissed my cheek.
"Those are sweet words, Jimmy," she told me, "Thank you."
Well, I meant those words. Emma couldn't have been much over forty if she was even that old and that's not old at all. And she was a pretty lady with long reddish hair and a sweet smile. I knew there had to be a lot of men who'd want to date her and maybe even marry her. I guess it hadn't ever occurred to me before that she might be lonely or have those sad things inside her. It surely explained why she was so good at mothering all of us, she didn't have her own to mother anymore. I'll bet she was a terrific mother for whatever time she had Edward.
We had a nice little visit with Ike and Annie and peeked in the window at the nursery to see Timmy. I drove Emma home and she got me to go in and have some dinner with her. After dinner we went next door and sat on Al's porch and listened to the Tiger game on the radio. They were playing good that year. Still came in second to those damn Yankees but, well that was the year that Maris and Mantle were vying for the home run record so I guess it would have taken more than what Detroit had on its roster to beat them out. It was a nice evening sitting there sipping iced tea and listening to Ernie Harwell and George Kell. I think for a lot of kids growing up in Michigan, Ernie was the voice of their bedtime stories and they were the best stories ever, even if the good guys didn't always win. There were the guys who "stood there like the house by the side of the road" or the ones who "swung like a rusty gate". And then there were those wonderful times when our boys got "two for the price of one". Ernie came from another time and listening to him always made you feel like you were in the stands for some game back when Ty Cobb was still sharpening his cleats and the players didn't even have numbers on their jerseys.
Well, maybe it was the great voice of the Tigers that made me think on my childhood or maybe it was missing Joanie since she was out of town or maybe it was something else but a part of me wanted to almost cry sitting there on that porch. The porch just seemed too empty. I know it wasn't uncommon for just me to be over there but it still seemed like too many people were missing. I was feeling a cross between the old folks with the empty nest and the kid brother left home when the older brothers get married and go to college and stuff. Once the game was over, I made a hasty retreat to my apartment. I spent the rest of the night just sitting in the dark trying to figure if life was really passing me by and if these plans I thought I was making were really going to pan out into anything. I always had figured I'd be the loner, the lone bachelor among my friends but I never thought it would make me feel quite like this. I guess in the light of day I knew that I had my Joanie and in time I would have everything my friends had and maybe even more but in the darkness, alone in my apartment that now seemed too big when it normally seemed so cozy, nothing seemed to be certain and I could see so many things that could go wrong and could leave me to sitting alone listening to baseball games with the old man and being the doting uncle even though I wasn't an uncle. I was nothing to those kids really but a friend to their folks. I started to doubt the friendships could endure when I would understand less and less of their lives as time went on.
I guess I finally fell into something almost like sleep but when the sun hit my windows the next morning and woke me, I was still sitting on the couch. I got up and stretched the kinks out of my back and quick like showered and changed my clothes before heading off to work. The sunshine did a lot to improve my mood as did the knowledge that Joanie would be home in just a couple of days.
Now when she did come home, I was more than ready to see her and I watched for her the whole day at work. I know she didn't say she was coming in to see me but we'd been apart for nearly a week and I thought she'd be as excited to see me as I was her. As it neared five o'clock and time to close the shop, my heart was sinking about as low as I thought it could go. It was about then that I heard the phone in Al's office ring and soon he was leaning out and calling to me. I'll admit that I panicked thinking something had happened to her and that's why she hadn't come.
"Hello?" I said but it really came as more of a question.
"James?" I almost fell over from the relief at hearing her voice.
"Joanie," I said and I wanted to maybe yell at her for worrying me by not coming or maybe plead with her to come see me because I missed her but there was something not right in her voice and I wasn't sure what it was exactly but it sounded like fear. "What's wrong, honey?"
"It's Aaron," she said and if she said anything else, I couldn't make it out through her tears.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," I told her before hanging up the phone. It was after five by that time and I was able to just take off. I got out to her house in record time and it might have been some sort of miracle that I wasn't ticketed for the speed I was driving. I didn't know Aaron much but our one meeting at New Year's Eve but I knew he meant a great deal to Joanie. I hoped he wasn't dead and even prayed most of the way there. I pulled up to the curb in front of the Cohen home and saw Joanie sitting on her front steps her head in her hands and her shoulders shaking. I hustled my way to her and she didn't even look up even though I know my boots were making a sound on the cement walkway. I sat next to her and put an arm around her and she just turned her face into my chest still sobbing.
"I'm here now honey," I tried to soothe her. "Tell me what happened."
Well, it took her a good long time to get the story out because she was crying so hard but the upshot was that Aaron had gone down south with the Freedom Riders in May. I wasn't sure I was following what importance that was since that had been two months before. Apparently Aaron had been arrested and that had held him up for a while and then when he rejoined the ride or attempted to, he got caught up in a riot and was beaten nearly to death. She hadn't known until she got back because Mr. Shapiro had only just found his son after spending those two months trying to track him down. He wasn't well enough to travel so Mr. Shapiro was going down to Alabama to be with him while he got better. In fact, Joanie wouldn't have even known except that Mr. Shapiro had told Mr. Cohen about it to explain why he was leaving the firm for a while. I just held her. There wasn't anything else for me to do. There was nothing to be said to comfort her. I couldn't say things would be alright because I didn't know that at all. None of us, Mr. Shapiro included, even knew the nature of his injuries.
This was our first taste of this and it was sort of a shadow of things to come. There was a lot of talk about civil disobedience then and I have nothing against all that. Hell, nothing ever changes if folks don't stand up and say they should change and things usually need to change in some way or another. I had a lot of respect for Aaron for going and doing that. A lot of people wouldn't have because they would have thought it wasn't their fight but Dr. King pointed out I guess it was a couple of years later, everyone is connected and none of us are truly free if we all aren't. I'm not quoting that or anything and he was far better at words than I guy like me would ever be but that was the gist of a good portion of that speech and I know because, well, that's for another time too, now isn't it?
But see, even the most peaceful and legal of civil disobedience comes with a price and the price is worth it in the long run but it still has to be paid. I remember reading an essay one time by that Thoreau guy. You know the one who lived out in the woods by a pond and wrote the whole book about it. Now that book drove me nuts with all his talk of simplicity and yet he never thought to apply that concept of simplicity to his writing. But I liked this essay. See he was in jail for something he was standing up for and his friend came to visit him and the friend asked him why he was in the jail cell and he asked his friend why he was not. Sometimes you just have to take a stand even if the price is high. I was just hoping that Aaron wouldn't be playing the highest price of them all. I know the rides didn't accomplish much in the immediate time after but they planted some seeds and eventually things changed. It was just hard the first time the cost of all our high and mighty talk of equality hit home.
Okay...so Michigan stuff first. I know I've mentioned Ernie before. George Kell was a hall of fame thirdbaseman who went into broadcasting and was Ernie's partner for many years. Class guy. Ernie really was the voice of all my bedtime stories as a kid. His voice was confirmation that somehow all was really right with the world. standing like the house by the side of the road is watching a strike go by, swinging like a rusty gate is swinging and missing and two for the price of one is a double play. I really miss the Ernie-isms. If you've ever watched Field of Dreams, the speech James Earl Jones gives about baseball as a reminder of all that once was good and can be again...that's how I always felt about Ernie.
Now for the rest of it...I hope my fellow Americans know what the Freedom Riders were but for my friends in other lands and anyone who didn't grow up idolizing hippy folk artists like I did, the Freedom rides were bus rides of integrated passengers acting as a peaceful protest through the south. Many of the riders were arrested and many others were beaten. There are a number of wonderful documentaries about the freedom rides. I recommend looking into them. A google search should give you some titles.
The essay I referenced is actually called "Civil Disobedience" and is indeed by Henry David Thoreau and the part Jimmy speaks of is a conversation between Thoreau and his friend, poet Ralph Waldo Emerson. I recommend the essay but I agree with Jimmy about Walden. The man liked his own words a little too much. I know, I should talk.
So that's all for now my fine furry friends. I love you all and thanks for sticking with me. I think I might have bitten off more than I can chew with this story but I'm going to finish it anyway.-J