That dinner date set up the rest of the summer being a whole lot better than the start of it. Sam was a regular fixture around Emma's and I don't think I'd ever seen her smile that much before. It was good for her to be reminded that she was a woman. I mean there's not much more womanly than being a mother but she needed to know that she was still beautiful and desirable to a man. I don't know much about what makes a man handsome or anything but I have it on pretty good authority—and not just Joanie—that Sam Cain was a nice looking man.

He got along real good with all of us. Sundays when Buck and Carol brought Lisa over, you would have thought he was that girl's grandpa for the way he doted on her. He was the same with little Timmy. He even carried pictures of those kids in his wallet.

In time Joanie headed back to school. She and Sherry got themselves a little two bedroom apartment. It was tiny but the girls loved it. I think they maybe missed some of the camaraderie of the dorms. There was something nice for the girls at having so many other girls close but then I think sometimes they felt a little left out there too. Sherry wasn't as wealthy as some of the girls there and Joanie didn't have those all-American looks. She dealt with a lot of girls talking about her hair and nose and glasses behind her back. I know a lot of them said stuff about me too. Some of them kind of liked me and made comments about how she must be loose or something to have landed me and others thought I was beneath them and made comments about how she couldn't land a better guy. But most of the time I think the dorms was kind of like a big slumber party. Sure the girls were there to learn and they studied a lot but they also did a lot of doing each other's hair and stuff like that.

As much as they missed that fun stuff, Sherry and Joanie were better being just the two of them without any snide remarks.

I guess she'd been back in Ann Arbor about a week when I found myself knocking on her door. Sherry answered.

"Hey Jimmy," she smiled at me, "I'll let her know you're here."

"If she's in her room," I answered, "I'll tell her myself."

Sherry smiled wider and nodded at me. I went to Joanie's room and there she was flopped on her stomach across her bed with her feet kicked up and her nose in a book. Her glasses were on the bedspread next to her.

"You're going to give yourself a headache by not wearing your glasses."

"James," she said absently and with a mild annoyance. "You know I'm nearsighted and I can see fine to read."

I just stood there and watched her. She read a bit more and then it dawned on her and she rolled over and launched herself off the bed and right toward me.

"James!" she half yelled at me, "I wasn't expecting you!"

"I know," I said, "But I got my grades today in the mail and I wasn't brave enough to open the letter on my own."

"I'll hold your hand," she offered.

"Well, then I think I can manage it if you do that."

We sat down on her bed and I held the envelope in my hands and tried for it not to be too obvious that they were shaking. Joanie kissed me and tried to still my hands.

"Okay, I lied," I said, "I can't do this. I never cared about my grades before except for auto shop. I just don't think I can face it."

I hate admitting weakness and I hoped Joanie understood. I liked that I could be her strength and I wasn't sure that she would still see me that way knowing I was scared of a little piece of paper.

Joanie just put an arm around me and pried the envelope loose with her other hand.

"Let me," she whispered.

I heard the paper tearing and then felt her arms wrap around me.

"I am so proud of you," she said, "I was before that you'd even try this after the way things went for you as a kid but this…this is just incredible. A three point. That's a B average, James."

I might've answered her but there were lips over mine and I sort of forgot what I might've been thinking about saying. And when Joanie pushed me back on the bed and straddled me without ever stopping kissing me, I even forgot about the still open door and the roommate in the next room. Joanie didn't forget any of that though and she sat up smiling at me.

"If that's what I get for a B average," I said once I caught my breath. "What happens if I get straight A's?"

"Maybe next semester you should try it to find out," she said with that glint in her eye.

I was about to pull her back to me but she rolled off and left me grasping at air.

"We should celebrate," she said, "Dinner, on me."

I started to protest but my Joanie wasn't going to have my argument especially since my arguments would have all been how my girl wasn't going to pay for my dinner and those kinds of arguments didn't sit well with a woman like Joanie. I just shut my mouth and watched as she settled her glasses back on her face and slid into her penny loafers.

"Let's go," she said.

I followed her. We passed Sherry on our way to the door.

"Am I eating alone?" Sherry asked trying to sound like she hadn't suspected that would be the case all along.

"Sorry, Sher," Joanie said, "I just can't resist dining out with my fabulously intelligent boyfriend."

"Just remember to tear yourself away from his, uh, brain in time to get some sleep," Sherry said and I think it was the first time I noticed that all women are prone to that mischievous look. "Your chem. class is at eight and you're not exactly a morning person."

We headed off and for some reason I think I felt a little self conscious.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"What?"

"Oh we are way past where you can play innocent with me sweetheart," I said climbing into the passenger seat of the 'Vette. "What was that look your roommate just gave me?"

"Oh you know how girls are," she said dismissing it all, "We talk."

"Great," I said, "It's so very nice to know that your roommate thinks I'm a sex fiend."

Joanie laughed, "She doesn't. She thinks I am."

I know I probably looked at her shocked.

"You haven't figured out yet how sexy you are to me?"

I couldn't even answer. I guess I knew then how Joanie felt when I told her how beautiful she was or the things she did to me with just a smile. I'm not insecure about how I look or anything but it was just strange to think that maybe I had the same effect on her she had on me.

"So," I said, "Where are we going?"

She really laughed at me then.

"Forget Sherry's suspicious look. We're really going to dinner and I do have to make it an early night because I do really have chem. at what seems like the very crack of dawn. I can't afford to be late; chemistry was never my strong suit. You don't even want to know what I put myself through to get through it in high school."

"Get through?" I asked, "You graduated high school with a four point which means you aced it."

"I did but I didn't sleep at all that year," she said, "I even got a tutor and stayed after school to get extra credit labs. I thought chemistry would kill me."

"And we're celebrating a measly little three point?" I asked her.

"James," she said, "You worked so hard and you did it without a tutor and a mom who's a teacher. Besides, I didn't do that great my first semester at college, remember?"

"Joanie, you pulled a 3.4 your first semester," I reminded her.

"Only four tenths of a point," she pointed out, "And I had last been in a classroom only three months before. You'd been out of school for, what…three years? That's a lot harder."

"And you're going to U of M and I'm going to night classes at the community college," I countered.

"And working full time," she reminded me. I'm going to pause to offer some advice here. Do not argue with the daughter of a lawyer. They learn from professionals and her dad was really good at what he did.

I thought to argue more but I had no more points to make. I still thought she was smarter than me and I always will.

"James, please stop trying to put yourself down," she said and there was hurt in her voice. "I'm proud of you for even going back to school and really I would have been proud of you if you hadn't. The way you look after Emma and the way you are always there for your friends; I am always proud of you. It hurts me when people say mean things about you and I console myself with the knowledge that they don't know you. When you say those things it nearly kills me. Please don't keep putting down the man I love."

I had never thought of it like that. I knew it bothered me a great deal when she called herself ugly or made comments about her nose or wanting to straighten her hair or said she couldn't do something that I knew she could. It made me angry and it wasn't until she told me how this made her feel that I understood I was angry at her for insulting the woman I loved.

"I'm sorry, Joanie," I said, "I never meant to hurt you. I didn't think."

"I shouldn't have gotten upset with you," she said, "We're celebrating."

We had a nice dinner and then, when we were leaving the restaurant, things got different. We got outside the door and Joanie sucked in her breath and gripped my arm hard enough to leave marks and I could see her looking frantically around.

"Honey, what's the matter?" I asked.

She didn't get a chance to say anything at all before a man walked up to us with a look on his face I didn't like one bit.

"Joanie," he said and his voice oozed with something that made my skin crawl. I wanted to punch him for his tone and the look I had figured out was leering at my girl. "Long time no see."

He looked as though he'd try for a hug with her but I pulled her tighter to me and made it impossible for him to do much more than offer a hand to shake. I felt Joanie cringe as his fingers touched hers.

"Stan," Joanie said fighting to keep her voice level. I could hear how shrill it was threatening to become and I tightened my grip on her to remind her she wasn't alone. "It's nice to see you. This is my fiancé, James Hickok."

I think I did a good enough job of hiding my shock at how she chose to introduce me. Truth was I wanted to be her fiancé and even more than that.

"James, this is Stan Klein. We went to school together."

I offered my hand although I really wanted to punch this guy out.

"Your fiancé, eh?" he said looking me over before turning his leering eyes back to my girl. "So when's the big day?"

He looked at me and not her so I answered and hoped I wasn't talking out of turn. I wasn't in charge of this fake engagement.

"When this brilliant woman finishes her schooling," I said beaming at her and kissing her temple.

"That's a long engagement," he said.

"The best things in life are worth waiting for," I said and then I couldn't stand one more second of that man checking out my girl's breasts. "It was nice to meet you, Stan but we really must be moving along."

I ushered Joanie past this creep and I just knew he was even without her explanation which I knew there was plenty of time for later. I just had to get her away from him. Aside from my own territorial nature which may or may not be the evolved kind of man that Joanie usually wanted, I could tell from her tense body against mine that this Stan person made her very uncomfortable.

I waited until we got into her car before I said anything at all.

"Who was that?"

"Just some guy I knew," she said.

"Joanie, please don't lie to me," I said, "I don't mind lying for you like I just did but I'd like to know why I was."

"It wasn't really a lie," she defended, "I mean we're going to get married sometime aren't we?"

"That's my plan," I told her, "But you don't introduce me like that to anyone else. And he was giving me a weird feeling."

"I used to date him," she said softly.

"What on earth possessed you to go out with that creep?"

"He asked and so few others did and I was younger then," she said like she was trying to explain it to herself along with explaining it to me. "He was a senior and I was a sophomore."

"Joanie pull the car over."

She looked scared like I was asking so I could run away which was just silly because having bad taste in previous dates isn't exactly a reason to leave someone.

"Sweetheart," I said, "Please look at me."

She looked up and I could see she looked almost sick.

"Please don't leave me," she pleaded.

"Why would I leave you?" I asked. "I just want to know what you're not telling me. So you went out with a jerk once, there's got to be more to this story."

"It was more than once," she said like she was ashamed. "He was my boyfriend. I was really insecure then, worse than now. I know it's hard to imagine. He told me I was ugly and I was already most of the way to believing it before he came along anyway. I thought I couldn't do better. He made me think I couldn't do better and then to keep him around…"

I had a pretty good idea the kinds of things he wanted from her in exchange for sticking around. I knew one thing he hadn't succeeded in getting her to do but there's a lot he could have gotten from her and still left her intact. I just pulled her to me and held her.

"It's okay," I told her and it was. Hell, if she hadn't been a virgin when we met, I wouldn't have cared at all. It's not like I was. "You somehow figured out he wasn't worth it."

"He broke up with me because I wouldn't, wouldn't…"

"He didn't deserve it," I said, "I'm glad you'd let him break it off before you did what you didn't want to."

"I did do things I didn't want to," she said and I guess a part of me knew that. "If I hadn't been so afraid of getting pregnant and too shy to demand he use a condom, well, those are the things that kept it from happening. I hate who I was then. I was so weak."

Right about then I wanted to go back to the restaurant and go after the guy but then I thought of things I had done and said to get some girl to put out. I don't think I have ever acted quite that creepy or entitled to a woman like he did but I lied about the feelings I had for her and manipulated things. I don't think I ever told a girl she wasn't pretty and that she'd have to go all the way or I'd break up with her. That was pretty cold. I usually found it more effective to tell a girl she was beautiful but still, I'm sure I got a few girls to do things they didn't want to do and more than a couple of them probably regretted it and hated themselves for being that weak. I know I would've brought up the issue of rubbers though. I was in enough trouble usually that some girl coming and telling me she was knocked up was about the last thing at all that I needed. All I could do was hold her while she cried. Seemed I wasn't the only one of us who was reinventing himself. I decided that reinvention might just be helpful.

"Joanie, sweetie," I said to her real soft and gentle. "You weren't that weak when I met you. How'd you get that confidence?"

"After Stan broke up with me," she began, "I kind of dropped out of dating or even wanting to date for a while and just threw myself into school. Then, I don't know what it was but something about seeing my grades that high and knowing that I had earned every one of them just seemed to make all the bad things he told me about myself go away. And I had Aaron." She cried even harder when his name was brought up. We still hadn't seen him though there was talk that Mr. Shapiro would be bringing him home soon.

"Aaron always made me feel pretty," she said, "Not like he wanted to ask me out and I didn't understand at first but it was more like all the girls who looked down on me for not begging for a nose job and not ironing my hair got silenced by him, at least in my head. He told me I was pretty and helped me figure out what to wear. You should thank him, I was going to go with a very different prom dress but he made darned sure I got that blue one. He said it was better for my coloring and set off my eyes."

"He was right," I said. I couldn't wait for him to get home either. I needed to thank him or some things and the prom dress was pretty far down the list. I wanted to tell Joanie not to think about Stan and not let him upset her like that. She had moved on and done better for herself than that jerk probably had but I knew that being confronted with a person you used to be and didn't like can be tough.

"I know it hurts you to think about how you were with him," I said, "But I wish you'd think instead of how you've gotten past it. Look at you now on the Dean's List of U of M and helping at the community center and you've got a boyfriend who loves you and not just for sex. I love you, Joanie. And I guess a lot of the reason I love you is because you're the one who helped me be something besides the person I used to be who I didn't like so much. Then you don't let me beat myself up over who I used to be and make me focus on who I am."

I tilted her head up to look me in the face. I could see a realization dawning in those big brown eyes even behind the tear stained glasses.

"I can't let you go beating yourself up either," I told her, "That Joanie was young and didn't know better but you're not her anymore and you can't beat yourself up for being young."

I wasn't ready for her to kiss me and certainly not the way she did but I got over that pretty fast. When she pulled away she had that look in her eye and I wanted to suggest we go to my place but I knew we couldn't. She didn't say anything for most of the way back to her apartment. In fact, we were almost all the way there when she spoke. It was kind of okay though because I was just catching my breath by that point and settling down other parts of my body as well.

"I'll see you this weekend, right?" she asked like she really had doubts.

"I hope to God so," I answered, "You sort of got something started I'd really like to finish. Besides, my place feels kind of empty when it's just me. It's so much nicer when I can look up from my studying and see my gorgeous, incredibly smart girlfriend buried in a pile of books too."

We got out of her car and she kissed me once more and she wasn't letting up on the intensity. Once she knew she'd gotten the response she wanted, she pulled back and smiled at me.

"I'll see you Friday. Hold that thought."

Yeah I held that thought all right. I held it until I got home and could do something about it myself. Don't worry though, that thought was more than ready for a comeback when Joanie came over Friday.

Stan is yucky. Guess now we know how that sweet little boy grin snagged Joanie in the first place. He had to be refreshing after Jerkface Stan.

So as of yesterday I have been married 18 yrs and that is consecutively and to the same man. 18 yrs sounds like a long time but it doesn't seem all that long at all.

Well, I can't think of anything else to say about this one. Just let me know what you think good or bad.-J