Me and Joanie had been together over a year at that point and you get to know a person pretty good in that amount of time. At least you ought to. Anyway, there was something different about her after we had that night out. She was distant in a way that Joanie usually wasn't. She was quiet which was also something my Joanie was rarely accused of. I don't know how else to describe it but there was something not right. I noticed it first when she came over that Friday. She still wanted me but it was strange. It's the first time I ever felt she was having sex with me out of obligation. It still felt like she wanted me but there was that distance. Any other time Joanie was with me, she was really with me. That night and for a while after that night too, it looked like there was about a million different things on her mind. I tried everything I knew, every place I knew to touch her but she just wasn't enjoying herself. Afterward she just rolled over and went to sleep without saying a word. I know most guys aren't big talkers after sex and I guess I'm no different but usually Joanie was sort of energized by it and would cuddle up close to me and talk on and on and it was sort of comforting. She didn't care if I talked or even if I was hearing it all as long as I held her and let her talk. That night it was just too quiet. I thought maybe bringing up things she'd done with Stan that she didn't want to do made her feel disgusted by me but then it seemed more like she was disgusted with herself. The next day and for weeks after I tried to get her to talk about whatever was bothering her but she kept insisting nothing was.

I did see her smile once during that time and that was when Aaron came home. We went to visit him and he looked like hell but he was smiling. I think it was a smile anyway. His face was still pretty swollen but I guess when you get a broken jaw and all the beating he did, it takes a while for the swelling to go down. His mouth wasn't wired shut like I guess it had been and his legs which had been broken in a bunch of places were out of the casts. He still was using crutches and after that he used a cane for a real long time. He pulled it off though and made it look what Joanie called jaunty.

Joanie ran to him and then looked unsure of if she should hug him.

"I won't break, Joanie," he said to her, "Not from a hug. They already tried to break me with far worse."

She did hug him and clung to him for a bit. If she hugged any other man with that much love and desperation except for maybe her dad, I'd have been pretty sore but I knew how much Aaron meant to her. And I knew that even if she wanted him, she couldn't have him. Of course about then I was wondering if maybe that was a draw to her because she sure didn't seem to want me that way anymore. I won't say we never did it but it was few and far between and more often, Joanie went back to her apartment before I could even think about getting frisky.

At least seeing him made her smile some. I didn't realize how much I had missed her smile until I saw it then. I went over to Aaron after she let go of him and I think he was surprised when I hugged him too. I felt strange about it knowing the way Judy said he'd been eying me New Year's Eve but I was glad to see him in something close to one piece and I was grateful he'd brought the light back to my Joanie's eyes.

"It's good to have you back, man," I said and I meant it, I really did. I was really proud of him. Yeah I know I got mad when Joanie was crying hysterically but I wasn't really ever mad at him, just upset to see her hurting. I don't know if I would have had the guts to do what he did at that time. I got plenty of chances to prove my mettle as time marched on but at that point, I don't think I was near as brave as Aaron was. I agreed with what he did but I don't know if I could have risked my life for it like he did.

We talked for a while in his living room about all sorts of things. Joanie filled him in on the kids they went to school with, which were married and which had broken up and he told us what the rides was like. How most of the time it was like being by a campfire at the cabin with everyone singing these great protest songs. He said that when they was in jail they kept singing. They sang "We Shall Overcome" and "If I had a Hammer" and lots more too and the guards all yelled for them to stop singing but they sang louder and then they threatened to take their mattresses. But those kids just kept singing and when the guards did take their mattresses and they were left with only bare metal cots for sleeping, they still sang and they sang all the louder. Now that's a protest. You can have all the signs and fancy speakers you want but getting the better of your opponent by just singing about love and peace, well that's brilliant. He said the singing wasn't even as much about protesting as it was about confirming to themselves that their friends, their brothers and sisters were still in the next cell. It was their hope that they'd make it through.

Aaron said even in the hospital, he would hum to himself and know that the rest were still out there finishing the work and what he went through would be worth it. A lot of people might call a homosexual man a sissy or something else that implies he's weak or cowardly but that's one of those stereotypes that just aren't so. It wasn't the only time in his life that Aaron Shapiro would get beat up. It wasn't even the worst beating. I know I'm getting ahead of myself but you need to understand that just being Aaron was something that required more bravery than I'd ever possess.

Joanie's distance continued and I kept trying to pry at her to get at what was bugging her. And she kept pushing me away. One day I was at her apartment. Sherry was still at class so we had the place to ourselves. Now I didn't go there looking for a wild time or anything. I just was missing my girl. I missed talking to her and just sitting and reading together or whatever. It never would have been the first thought on her mind that I would have come over just for that, what I think the kids today refer to as a "booty call". But that day she seemed to think that was my only purpose in life and about half her body language said that she wanted it too but then every time she'd get close to me she'd look almost sick. I remember we was standing in her kitchen and she was getting us some coffee and I brushed her arm. I didn't do it on purpose but she recoiled from me like I had burned her.

"Joanie," I started and I tried real hard to not sound as frustrated as I was and I mean frustrated in every way. I was so tired of not knowing what was wrong and wondering if I had done something and then when a man goes from pretty regular sex to nothing or near to nothing all of a sudden, but he still sees the girl who used to, well, you get the idea. It just had me tied up in knots. It's not like I couldn't handle part of the need on my own, I still had two hands but not being close to her, not being able to hold her, not feeling her lips against mine, well, I thought it might just kill me. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"There's nothing wrong," she snapped at me, "Why should there be and why do you think there's something wrong with me? Why does it have to be me that has something wrong? Maybe there's something wrong with you."

"I only meant."

She cut me off, "Look, this is me and this is us and if you don't want it, if you don't want me, then leave!"

A part of me did want to leave, actually. This had become a miserable thing to be involved in but then a part of me knew that somehow this wasn't my Joanie anymore and if I could just find her again that things would be good for us. Of course I'm a guy and not so good at putting my feelings to words so nothing that well thought though came out of my mouth.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" I yelled back, "You've been trying to push me away and punish me for something and you still won't tell me what I did wrong. If you want me gone, then say so!"

"Get the hell out!" she screamed at me, "Get out!"

Yeah, I handled that really well, didn't I? Nice one Hickok, I mean she was obviously torn up about something and I yelled at her. I know you can point out she started the yelling but Joanie could be a yeller sometimes and it didn't usually mean anything. I stormed out and slammed the door on my way. I passed Sherry in the hall and she smiled at me. I didn't return it and she just sort of looked after me.

Two days passed and I didn't hear anything from Joanie. I figured it was over for sure. Al tried to talk to me and we damned near came to blows in the middle of the shop. Emma brought soup over to my place and I snapped at her. She pretended it didn't hurt her when I did that and still told me that Joanie'd come around. I spent those days working like a madman and the nights staring at Joanie's picture sometimes I yelled at her and sometimes I cried and begged her to take me back. Yeah, to her picture, you heard right. Love does that to you.

The phone rang about two in the morning and I was worried. I guess my first thought was something was wrong with Joanie but then I thought that I wouldn't be the one getting that call anymore. So I started wondering about the rest of the people I loved. Surely Emma would call Sam if something happened and I knew Buck would call Ike before me and Ike would call Buck. I wondered if Al was okay.

"Hello."

"Jimmy, it's me, Sherry."

I might have argued that it was over and that's the way Joanie wanted it but Sherry was crying and I might have mentioned before but I don't do well when women cry.

"Are you alright, Sherry?"

"I don't know where Joanie is," she said, "She should have been home hours ago."

"Why are you calling me?"

"Please don't be as stubborn as she is," she pleaded with me, "She still loves you. God you two are perfect for each other and you know it."

"She kicked me out, remember?" I asked trying to block my worry over knowing it was that late and Joanie wasn't home.

"Besides," I said, "She probably just went home or maybe she's got a new boyfriend now."

"She doesn't have a new boyfriend and she wouldn't go home in the middle of the week. She has that chemistry class first thing and she wouldn't set herself up for the drive that early in the morning."

I sighed, "I'll be right there."

I hung up and pulled on a pair of Levi's and headed to Ann Arbor. I was barely out of my car when Sherry ran up to me.

"Thank God you came," she said, "I couldn't bring myself to call her dad. His own father has been ill and I don't think he could handle this."

"Zaydeh Cohen is sick?"

Maybe that's what had been bothering Joanie. But that couldn't be because she would have told me if it was something as simple as her grandfather being sick.

Sherry nodded sadly.

"It's been tough on her with that and your fight the other day and then everything else."

I grabbed her shoulder and spun her toward me.

"I'd never ask you to betray her confidence," I said, "But I need to know what the everything else is. She wouldn't talk to me."

"Stan," she said.

"What about Stan?"

"Walk with me," she began walking again and talking. "He started following her and calling and saying how he knew what they had was real and that she shouldn't be with a lowlife. Sorry."

"It's okay," I said.

"Well, he said she could do better and he was the better and since she'd obviously gotten over her fear of sex that there was nothing to stop them. He'd tell her that you were just using her and you wouldn't really marry her and he noticed there was no ring on her hand so either your proposal wasn't serious or you were too poor to even get her an engagement ring. He would talk about the huge diamond he would buy her and then he would go into some pretty strong detail about how they'd spend their nights."

"She never said a word," I said not believing that she'd been putting up with all of this.

"It got real bad. I guess it was a couple of days before your fight. He was waiting outside our building when she came home from classes and he grabbed her and kissed her. She got away from him but she was pretty upset."

We were on campus by this time and I was torn between finding that creep and finding Joanie. I decided I'd rather know Joanie was safe than punch that jerk though I really did want to punch him and hard.

"Where could she be?" I asked Sherry.

"She said she was going to the library so I guess we can start there. It's closed but maybe we can figure out where she went."

I nodded and followed along. As we got close to the building I heard something. It was a tiny sound but it sounded like crying. I signaled for Sherry to go over to the bushes with me and there she was hiding with her knees pulled tight to her chest. I crouched down and reached toward her. I noticed one of her eyes was swollen and it was hard to tell in the moonlight but it looked like it was darkening as well. She pulled back from me with a whimper.

"Joanie," I said afraid that even my voice would frighten her but she just looked up at me as if noticing there was someone there.

"James?" she said and then the white knuckle grip she'd had around her knees was transferred to me. I know this might sound wrong of me to say given the circumstances but it felt good on some level to still be her safety net.

"I'm here, babe," I said, "I'm here."

She cried and cried and I knew better than to try to get her to talk to me. She pulled back a little and tried to dry her eyes and smooth her hair. I looked her over to see how bad of shape she was in and it was then I saw her torn panties still hooked around one ankle. She followed my eyes and tried to tuck that foot under her but I put my hand on her leg before she could.

"Did he…?" I couldn't even finish but I had a really bad feeling. She shook her head.

"I stopped him," she said and I think I saw a little pride in her at that. I heard a sigh of relief from behind me and then remembered that Sherry was still there. I took what was left of the panties off her ankle and tucked them into my jacket pocket. Then I stood up and picked her up and carried her as someday I hoped to carry her over a threshold. I nodded to Sherry and headed back toward their apartment.

"Jimmy," Sherry said to me, "It's a ways back to our place. Wouldn't you rather I run back and get your car or something? Or I could sit with her."

"I can't leave her," I said, "And I can't send you with a maniac roaming around campus. You shouldn't ever be walking campus alone at night, either one of you."

I'll tell you now that I sent my girls, every one of them, my daughters and granddaughters alike, off to college with a switchblade and mace. God help any dumbass frat boy who thought one of my girls was an easy mark.

It was a ways back to their place but I didn't much care. I was too upset to notice if I got tired but I was grateful when we finally got to the building. I carried her up the stairs and into her room. I left her for just a moment to get her some water and I met Sherry heading for her room.

"Thank you for calling," I said, "I'm sorry I was such a jerk at first."

"I knew you'd come," she answered, "You've never let her down."

"Neither have you," I told her.

I got back to Joanie's room and closed the door behind me. She was curled into the tiniest ball she could manage. I crouched down next to the bed to get on her eye level. Yeah she was going to have a shiner the next day.

"Joanie," I said softly, "I need you to be honest with me. This is real important and none of it's your fault either way. Are you sure he didn't, uh, get inside?"

Nice way to put it, damn sometimes I wonder about myself.

"I'm sure," she said softly, "I kicked him. I kicked him there. And he got even madder and he tried to kiss me and I bit him. I'm pretty sure he looks worse than me."

"Well, he never was as pretty as you," I said and I stood and went to her dresser and pulled out a fresh pair of panties and some pajamas.

"I'll get you a towel if you want a shower," I told her and she nodded.

"I don't want to be alone," she said.

"I'll be right here."

"I mean, at all," she said.

She looked down at her feet like she was embarrassed but I followed her into the bathroom and sat on the toilet lid while she peeled off her blouse that was nearly as torn as her panties. She just threw it in the wastebasket. There wasn't going to be any fixing that. I could see the glint of gold around her neck as she reached around behind herself to unclasp her bra. She looked at me sort of timid and I asked her if she wanted me to look away. She pulled her bra off and shook her head before peeling off her skirt and putting both skirt and bra in the hamper. She turned to get into the shower which was starting to steam by that time but I stopped her and took note of the bruises on her legs and stomach and around her ribs. There were distinct finger marks on her neck and teeth marks near one breast. I had seen that woman stand before me completely naked countless times before and every single time there was some response from below my waist but that night all I could feel was rage at him. She got into the tub and I could see her silhouette through the curtain. Okay, I have to admit the blood started flowing south watching that but there was no way I was going to touch her like that on that night. She'd be running the show entirely for when things like that resumed. In time, she turned off the water and I stood next to the tub holding the towel for her. I wrapped it around her and held tight to her as she made her way back to her room. She got dressed in her nightclothes and I stripped to my skivvies and we both crawled under the blankets. I pulled her close to me and held her tight while she slept. I might have slept a little too but I can't be sure.

Well, the story I told about jailed Freedom Riders singing in jail is true. The songs were their strength and their hope.

Oh there's going to be some fallout from the events in this chapter and I wonder how this is going to shake out. Hmmm...well, I guess we'll find out next time boys and girls. Oh what does it say about me that I get more energized when there is this kind of drama and angst going on? Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know.

So in other news, the Red Wings are undefeated. Of course they've only played two games but still they won both of them decisively. And the Lions are undefeated. 5-0 for the frist time since 1956. That's 55 years for those too lazy to do the math. I don't have to do the math because hubby is 55 and was born in 1956 so there. Now if the Tigers can get those bats going so we could get to the World Series. Oh please, oh please...we are limping along with injuries to some key guys and perhaps one more bad injury just occurring.

So that's all. Just another week in the life of someone trying desperately to avoid real life and her obligations as banshee mama. Love yous guys (read with Brooklyn accent)-J