She cried until she literally passed out from exhaustion. I didn't feel like too much of a man at that point. I couldn't fix it, couldn't make it better, hadn't stopped it. It seemed I was a failure in every way I could think of but she still clung to me and that broke my heart to think that she didn't have anything better than pathetic me to take care of her.
When we got up the next morning, neither of us was very chipper but she looked like the life had just been drained right out of her. She usually had kind of pale creamy skin but that morning it was more like chalk and there was a dark circle under the eye that hadn't been hit that was about as dark as the bruise framing the one that had. I made coffee and breakfast but I couldn't get her to eat much of anything.
"Would you do something for me?" I asked her and she looked at me like she was terrified of what I'd ask.
"What?" she asked.
"Would you call Aaron? He knows you. He knew you when you were with Stan. He probably knows more than I do. I know I'm no help to you right now and you need someone."
"You are a help to me," she argued.
"Sweetheart," I said, "You aren't eating and you only slept last night because you were too tired from crying to do anything else. Please."
She got up and headed for the phone.
"I'll leave you alone," I said.
"Stay," she said quickly, almost desperately. "Please."
I sat down at the kitchen table across from her while she made the call. I could tell from her end of the conversation that Aaron knew that Stan had been being a problem and I'll admit I felt a little jealous that she confided in him and not me but then I was grateful too because she hadn't been alone. She cried and sobbed and I heard details of things he had said to her and how those things referenced what he had done to her in the past. I really thought at that time I might be sick but I sat there anyway. That was my job and while it was tough, being Joanie's guy was still my favorite job. At that moment I wasn't all that happy with it. What I wanted to do was to run out of there and find something or someone to hit. She wanted me there but I didn't know how long I could just sit there and listen to her and what she was saying to him. I don't know how Aaron did it. I didn't understand how he had been able to sit by when she was younger and actually with that creep.
I think sitting there and listening to her talk was the first time I felt the anger at her. I would never voice it at all but a part of me wanted to shake her and demand to know how someone so smart could be so stupid. Now I know that smart doesn't mean you always have a high opinion of yourself and I know Joanie always felt insecure about her looks and that any guy who showed her attention probably could have gotten away with nearly anything. I know this but it didn't stop the anger from mounting inside me. That morning though I just sat there and listened while she poured her heart out to Aaron and I heard things about the woman I loved that no man should ever hear. I know more than once I wanted to get up and leave, just to clear my head but she had my hand in a vice grip so I wasn't going anywhere.
They talked for close to an hour I guess and I think after a while I got almost numb to the words that were coming out of her mouth. I was hearing her talk but not hearing her words. I don't think I would even have known she finished her conversation except that she released my hand when she got up to hang the phone back on the wall. I looked up at her and she smiled at me. It don't make sense, even now, but that smile made everything I had just heard almost instantly better.
"Feel a little better?" I asked.
She nodded but then looked like she might cry again. I kept wondering what it was going to take for her to stop crying. Well, she didn't cry right then but I think it was sheer determination.
"I'm going to meet Aaron's dad for lunch," she told me and I was glad to hear it. "Will you come with me?"
"Of course I will."
We got ourselves around and went off to meet Mr. Shapiro. I know she was feeling a little uneasy still about being out and about with that eye but it was looking a little better and with her glasses, I didn't think it was as noticeable. Though maybe I was just getting used to it.
We met him at a little restaurant in the city so word wasn't going to get back to Joanie's folks. I hadn't ever met Mr. Shapiro but he was easy to recognize since he just looked like an older version of Aaron. We walked over to him and I'll tell you Mr. Shapiro had to have been a good lawyer and I don't think I'd want to play poker with him either. I know it had to have upset him to see the state Joanie was in but you'd never have known it to look at him.
"Joanie," he said standing and opening his arms to her. "It's been too long, zeisele."
Joanie fell into his arms and hugged him tight. He patted her head and then guided her to a seat.
"Is this James I hear so much about?" he asked looking at me.
"It's good to meet you, sir," I said extending my hand to him.
"I like this one," he said addressing Joanie. "He has manners but he means them; not like those others you dated."
The waitress came for our orders and once she had gone, Mr. Shapiro spoke.
"Aaron told me what happened to you," he said to Joanie, "Tell me how I can help."
"I don't know what to do," she said, "I know I could press charges but I don't know if he could be convicted and if he isn't I think that would be worse even."
"We can talk in front of James?" he asked and I know that had more to do with lawyers having to keep the confidence of their clients. She wasn't his client but he still felt very bound to her privacy. I appreciated it.
"He knows everything," she said.
"Then I have to ask you some things," he said, "First, this Stan Klein, were you intimate with him?"
She looked at her plate and I think Mr. Shapiro thought she didn't want to say in front of me but I know she just didn't want to tell him and she was wondering how to phrase her response.
"I was still a virgin when he broke up with me," she said finally, "It's why he broke up with me but there were other things we did."
"Things he pressured you to do," I interjected.
"This is true?" Mr. Shapiro asked her.
She nodded.
"Are you still a virgin?" he asked but quickly added, "I hate asking but any defense attorney will ask the same thing."
"No," she said, "I'm not."
"Was that your choice?" he asked and I knew that was the father in him and not the lawyer asking.
"It was," she said and there was something really happy in her voice.
He seemed satisfied at that and I think he knew it was me she was with.
"Zeisele," he said, "I won't tell you what to do. It would be a brave thing to press charges against this boy but you didn't come here to hear me say that. I will tell you what I can about what will happen. If you file charges, his lawyer will tear your life apart. Every person you have ever known who has a grudge against you will be brought in to say you are dishonest. Any girlfriend you may have shared a confidence with about your personal and romantic life will be brought in to show you are a woman of loose morals. They will dig into James' life as well and find anything there to say that you spend time with questionable people. In short, you will have to give details about very private things only to be made to look like a dishonest, tramp who cavorts with unseemly characters. Your father has great connections and I have great connections but those connections might not be enough. It is up to a jury and a judge can keep things fair but he cannot tell the jury what to hear or what to think about what they have heard."
"He would get away with it, wouldn't he?" she asked.
"I cannot say for sure because I do not read the minds of other men but I think conviction would be unlikely."
"I can't go through that," she said. I would have supported her through anything but I was glad she chose what she did. There is no sense going through all of that in a battle that is lost before you even start.
"Has he tried to contact you again since that night?" Mr. Shapiro asked.
"I don't know," she said, "I haven't been back to my apartment since yesterday afternoon."
"Is your roommate there right now?"
She nodded and Mr. Shapiro had a phone brought to him.
"Call her," he said.
She dialed and waited.
"Hi Sherry…yeah, I was, well, you know where I was…okay, I guess…has Stan tried to call? Thanks…yeah, I'll talk to you later."
I looked at her and knew the answer before she even said it.
"He's called five times already," she said and Joanie wasn't a very big girl anyway but she looked so tiny and frail right then. I put an arm around her and held her as close as was acceptable in a public place like a restaurant.
Joanie excused herself to the bathroom and that left Mr. Shapiro and me at the table. I think it was almost as uncomfortable as when I first met Mr. Cohen. Well, before Mr. Cohen started speaking.
"James," he started, "How are you handling all this? It can't be easy to see the woman you love hurt so."
I know I looked a little surprised at the nature of his words.
"So you would have me believe that you would convert to Judaism for a woman you do not love?" he asked, "You might not have a ring on her finger yet but your intentions have been loudly declared, young man."
"I guess they have at that," I said, "I think I'm doing okay by her."
"I can see you are doing fine in looking after dear Joanie," he said, "She will still be upset for a while but you are taking very good care of her. I asked how you were doing. There is more than one victim to this crime."
I hadn't considered that I was a victim too and I don't think I liked the concept very much but through the years I have seen the truth of it.
"I don't think I'm doing that well at all," I admitted, "I keep feeling that I could have prevented this somehow. I could have done more to get her to talk to me. I could have gone to Sherry or Aaron and gotten the rest of the story about so many things. I could have insisted that she not walk around campus after dark. I could have been there at the library with her."
Mr. Shapiro smiled at me. It was a sad smile and one filled with understanding or at least compassion.
"You know that if our Joanie is determined to do something, whether it's to get a certain grade or to keep a secret, none of us would be able to stop her."
I nodded and I did know.
"I just feel so helpless," I explained, "Like what kind of man is sitting home licking his wounds over a fight with his girlfriend while that girlfriend is fending off a rapist?"
"The man who is not a mind reader," he replied, "The man who does not see the future. It could be any man in this restaurant. You can't be angry because you did not know things that no one knows."
Joanie got back to the table while I was still pondering all that Mr. Shapiro had said. He reminded me a lot of Al only if Al had grown up in Brighton Beach instead of somewhere down south, same wisdom, different accent.
"Are you alright with this decision, zeisele?" he asked her.
She smiled and there was a whole lot less tension in it and she walked like she was carrying less weight.
"Yes," she said, "It's a relief to know what I am doing. Have you heard any news about Zaydeh Cohen, Uncle Eli?"
I was surprised for a second when she used the family term there because I had only heard her call him 'Aaron's dad' before but it made sense. Theresa called me 'Uncle Jimmy' and when I saw Lisa and Timmy, their folks always referred to me as that too so I knew they would call me the same thing. Bobby was talking by the time I met him but he had pictures of me and never called me anything but uncle.
"Sadly there has been no change in Avner's condition," he told her.
"How is daddy holding up?" she asked.
"As well as can be expected," he answered her, "Avner is not a young man and this is not unexpected but he is still saddened."
There was silence at our table before Mr. Shapiro spoke again, "But his burden is not so great at this time that he couldn't give comfort to his oldest child."
"I don't know if I could say the words to him," she said.
"I could say some of them for you," he offered, "Not all of them and no one has to say the worst of them. Just tell him a boy from your past still harbored feelings for you and tried to take what was not his. You fought him and were injured. That's enough. No father wants or needs more information than that."
"You would do that for me, Uncle Eli?"
"There's little I would not do for you, zeisele," he said gently, "You will come to temple tomorrow and I will speak to him before. I will invite your family to breakfast and we can talk before services. We will see you at temple."
As we left the restaurant, I thanked Eli Shapiro for all he had done to help Joanie that day.
"You are good at dealing with her moods," he said, "But Jacob and I are the masters. I have known that girl since she was first born. You will understand in time, just do not give up."
We got in the car and I could tell Joanie was feeling better just having talked to Mr. Shapiro.
"Zeisele?" I asked, "I don't think I've heard that one before."
"It means little sweetie or something kind of like that," she said, "I think it's literally 'little sweet' but you know, nothing comes off quite the same way when literally translated. He's always called me that."
"I like him," I said.
"Yeah, he's a good man," she said, "I wish Aaron would tell him already. I know of all the people in the world, Uncle Eli would still love and accept him."
"He doesn't know?"
"Aaron's too afraid to tell him," she said, "He hasn't told hardly anyone. I mean I know some people at school know and I think he even had a boyfriend for a little while but that's kind of hard."
I shook my head and just tried to even imagine what it was like to have to live in that kind of hiding from even the people who loved you most. Eventually Joanie thought to ask where I was driving to.
"Sam's office," I said.
"But I'm not pressing charges," she countered.
"I know and if you were," I said, "I'd be taking you to Ann Arbor. Sam has no jurisdiction there."
"Then why?"
"Because I need to talk to him," I said, "He understands all this better than I do."
I pulled up to the station. I knew he worked the precinct closest to Emma's. I told the nice lady at the front desk that I was hoping to see Detective Sam Cain and she smiled and pointed me in the right direction. Joanie trailed along behind and I had to stop a couple of times in the hallway for her to catch up. I know that she was having a problem with all the people around. I took her hand.
"We're talking to Sam," I reminded her, "Not a stranger."
"I know," she said but she still looked scared.
I found Sam's desk.
"Sam?"
"Hey Jimmy, Joanie," he said smiling at us. "Is everything okay?"
I looked at Joanie but she was kind of froze up from all the activity going on around us.
"As good as it can be," I said, "I just wanted to talk a little bit if you're not too busy."
"I'm not busy at all," he said and hauled out that soft tone he took with victims when he had to question them. "You want to sit here or go somewhere else?"
"Where else can we go?" I asked glancing at Joanie.
"Right this way," he said and led us to the stairs. Before we started to climb he turned to Joanie and asked, "Do you want to walk ahead of us or trail behind?"
"Behind," she said.
He nodded and led the way and eventually we were on the roof. Sam leaned against the wall to the side of the door and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket shaking one out and lighting it.
"Don't tell Emma," he said, "I'm trying to quit and I told her I already had. I know I shouldn't lie but it's harder than I thought it would be."
"Don't worry," I said, "There's more than a couple things Emma don't know about me that I can live without her finding out."
He smiled and sort of laughed under his breath and then looked at Joanie.
"You know I like seeing you kids and all," he said seriously, "But I don't think this is a social call is it?"
I shook my head.
"We just went to talk to her friend's dad," I explained, "He's one of the partners at her dad's firm. He's a real good guy but he told her how it would be to file charges."
I paused and looked over to where Joanie was just sort of wandering around the roof aimlessly. It was so strange how she could seem to be getting better one minute and then the next she could be so frightened or distant.
"She's not going to do it and hearing how it would be for her, I'm glad," I said, "He wouldn't get convicted."
"I know," Sam said to me, "I didn't have the heart to tell her that yesterday but there's no way there would be a conviction and she'd get so drug through the mud, she'd never be clean again."
"Yeah," I agreed, "Once they brought me into it things would have really gone downhill."
"Don't even try blaming yourself," he said, "You can't live life thinking about something this horrible happening. Emma's told me how hard you've worked to get past the, well, the past."
"I know," I said and I did know but knowing something don't always make it easier to believe if that makes any sense.
"So what can I help you with?" he asked.
"You said you had some connections in Ann Arbor?"
He nodded.
"Stan has called five times already today to her apartment," I told him, "Can you maybe have the guys there keep an eye out and make sure he doesn't hang around her building?"
"I'll put in the call," he said, "He won't be able to get away with so much as jaywalking."
Oh dear sweet, ruggedly handsome Sam Cain...I always just adored Sam. I really love Eli Shapiro too. He is like a Brooklyn born and raised Teaspoon. Fun to write even if not so fun things are going on around them.
Well, still watching the DVR of the Red Wings but there will be no hat trick for this sports fan. Spartans did beat Wolverines for 4th year in a row...the Paul Bunyan Trophy just doesn't want to leave East Lansing. The Tigers apparently decided they didn't really want to play in the world series. The game isn't quite over but I heard the fat lady warming up a few innings back...or I could just belt out a tune right now...So hopefully the Wings will at least give me two out of three which according to rock and roll singer Meat Loaf ain't bad.
On another note, I really love, love, love the new ad campaign from Chrysler. It so glorifies Detroit and that makes me happy! I think the Jimmy in this story would like those ads too. Love you all!-J