I didn't sleep too good that night. I should have mind you. Joanie sure the hell gave me a work out but I just couldn't stop the worry for her. I wasn't worried about her going to law school exactly. I knew she could do it. I just always worried whenever she put pressure on herself. She was adamant that she was not going to push the wedding back. She conceded that there wouldn't be children immediately and I was actually grateful for that. I loved the idea of children with Joanie but if she had kids before she had that degree she might not get that degree at all and I could lose her to boot. She just tried to do too much and had such standards of perfection for herself.
Finally I got up to get some water or tea or something to see if it would help me get to sleep. I was sitting at the table fretting like a woman when Joanie got up.
"Is something the matter?" she asked though I knew her well enough to know that she knew me well enough to know there was. I thought about making something up but decided at that hour and my lack of sleep that the truth was my best bet. It would be easier to keep track of.
"I got worries," I said and she got herself a cup of tea and sat down across the table from me.
"It's best to share those," she said, "It makes them less worrisome."
"I worry about you," I told her.
"That's silly, James," she said, "I'm fine and I have you to look out for me. How could you possibly worry?"
"I know how you are when the pressure gets too much," I said, "I don't have any crazy ideas about how a wife is supposed to be but I have a feeling you do and trying to keep up with that and law school is too much to load on yourself. I love you too much to see you in that state."
"I know I'm crazy," she said looking at the table and finding her tea bag very interesting. "I wish you hadn't ever seen me like that. I was horrified the first time I well, had one of my little episodes. I thought you'd never want to have anything to do with me."
"You have fears, Joanie," I said, "There's no crime in that. I think they get to you worse than some other folks' do but I can handle that at stressful times like finals. I just don't want to see you put too much pressure on yourself."
"I'm afraid too," she confessed, "I really want this but I don't want to wait any longer than I have to before marrying you. I really want to be your wife. I thought that was something I could live without but I can't. I do need a man. Well, I don't, I need you. Maybe you can help me see when I'm doing too much or trying to do too much."
"Oh I will," I assured her, "You won't like it. I can hear it now, 'James, I'm a grown woman and if I want to do this or that I just will and no man is going to stop me even if he is my husband.' But I'll do it anyway because I will love my wife far too much to let her get too frazzled."
I said my predicted quote of her in this high pitched voice and Joanie started giggling at me. I started laughing too. It was exactly how it would happen too and we both knew it. But we both knew that's just how things were going to have to be. Then Joanie got real serious.
"I'm going to regret saying this," she said, "But you shouldn't marry me. I go crazy too often. That's bad for you. You don't deserve it."
"Joanie," I began and took her hands in mine. "Did I ever tell you that before I met you I had sworn off women entirely?" She shook her head. "Well, I had. They were too much trouble and I didn't understand them besides. Then this amazing woman pulled up one day in her beautiful Corvette and no amount of swearing was going to keep me from her. It was like the clouds parted and a light came from heaven and choirs of angels sang and they were all telling me, 'Hey stupid, this is the one.' I fought it for a while and was a complete ass of course but somehow you gave me chance after chance. I don't like seeing you hurting and upset but I love that I can help and that I get to be your hero sometimes. I know you don't need a man specifically to save you. You are no ordinary damsel in distress but you do need people and there's no shame in that at all. Maybe I just like that it's me you need. I know I need you something awful and I'm not just talking about your body."
"I'll get plenty needy before I get that law degree," she said, "But it'll always be you I need and I am talking at least partly about your body."
She smirked at me and put the cups in the sink. I grabbed her and carried her off to bed.
"What on earth are you doing, James?"
"I'm fixing to ravage the woman I love unless she does something to stop me," I said raising an eyebrow at her. It was a half dare to stop me and giving her a chance to if she wanted. There was still the ghost of Stan to sometimes be aware of.
"A handsome strapping man like you?" she said with a little bit of a growl. "Why she'd be a fool not to just let you have your way with her."
"That sounded like and invitation, ma'am," I said setting her down on the mattress and looking her up and down like a cat appraising a goldfish in a bowl.
She giggled at me and wiggled out of her nightgown and then lay back down.
"What are you waiting for?" she asked.
Well that was a good question and I decided to answer by not waiting any longer. Nothing in my life ever felt so good as the feel of her body next to mine.
I finally got some decent sleep after that. I mean who wouldn't? That girl could wear a man out and she was all mine. Falling asleep with that knowledge was easy really.
The next day Joanie went back out to Bloomfield Hills and I went to my usual work. I had just finished classes for the summer and didn't have anything in the evenings until I started at Wayne State a couple of weeks later. After work I grabbed some sandwiches on my way out to the firm to bring to everyone working there.
I walked in and Joanie was so buried in a book that she didn't even see me. Noah did and he just smiled at me while I walked quietly up behind her and bent over to kiss her neck. She jumped and then whirled on me.
"James!" she hollered swatting at me, "What would even possess you to sneak up on a person like that?"
"Well I wouldn't sneak up on just any person but you just looked a little too kissable right then," I tried to defend myself as Noah and Dan just dissolved into laughter.
I think Joanie tried to stay mad at me for a second but she just couldn't and she put her arms around me and kissed me but good. I heard a throat clear behind me and I'll tell you there's nothing to make your face turn red faster than having your future father-in-law have to clear his throat to interrupt you kissing his daughter. I jumped to something resembling attention.
"Mr. Cohen," I said feeling guilty though I wasn't even sure what for. I mean she was my fiancée after all. "I was just, um, well, I brought sandwiches."
Right there more than my hatred of hours of research is why I was right not to be a lawyer. That was me thinking on my feet. Not pretty, I grant you. Mr. Cohen laughed a bit at me. He'd been young and in love once too. In fact, he was still deeply in love. Her parents were really inspiring actually.
Joanie grabbed my hand, "Daddy, could we talk to you about something?"
Mr. Cohen nodded and I dreaded to even think of what might have been going on in his head at that request. Joanie closed the door behind us.
"You're not in trouble are you?" Mr. Cohen asked immediately. Yeah, I was right to worry a bit though once he asked I got worried too and looked at her. I mean I trusted those pills she took and I trusted her to tell me something like that but hearing the words made me worry.
"Daddy," she said laughing nervously, "If that was the case, I would be too scared to tell you and I would have made mom tell you. I'm not pregnant."
Mr. Cohen and I each breathed a sigh of relief. Joanie elbowed me for mine. Like I said before now I wanted kids and I wanted them with Joanie but not then, not when it would ruin everything for her. I wanted them at the right time. As it was, the little buggers didn't have the best timing but that's a long ways down the road.
"James and I did have a few things to tell you," she said and nudged me. I looked at her blankly and rather than trying to get me to understand what she meant, she just said it.
"James doesn't want to be a lawyer. It's just not the right thing for him. He wants to go into social work of some sort, you know to help kids."
Jacob Cohen had been standing in front of his desk and with her words he sat down on the edge of it looking tired and maybe a little sad.
"I won't lie," Mr. Cohen said, "I'm disappointed. I had hoped my son-in-law would come and work with me and someday even take my place here. I respect your choice though, James. You'll be doing worthwhile work."
"Mr. Cohen," I said gaining his attention from his shoes, "I think maybe you've overlooked someone who'd love nothing more than to work alongside you and learn from you and even take over for the good work you do someday."
He looked at me perplexed.
"Joanie," I told him, "She loves every part of what you do here. It makes her come alive like nothing I've ever seen before. Wouldn't it be even better to have your daughter by your side than your son-in-law?"
"I don't know how I missed it," he said, "I taught my little girl she could do anything in this world that she wanted and then I passed her by myself. I'm sorry, honey."
Joanie hugged her dad tight and I could see the tension leave her. She'd have studied law anyway but I knew she wanted this blessing and the promise of helping her father with the work she felt was so important.
Sunday rolled around and I'll admit I hadn't seen too much of Joanie that week and it was sort of disappointing that I wasn't going to see her that day either. The trial she'd been helping her dad with was starting on Monday, or at least motions were going to be heard then and Mr. Cohen said he needed to get away from the case for a bit so they took off Friday night for the cabin and weren't due back until late Sunday night. Joanie was looking forward to spending some good time with her mom and Judy. The women hadn't gotten to spend nearly the time together that they would have liked that summer.
I went over to Emma's that day though as I did most Sundays. Al and Sam were on the porch drinking some beer and listening to the game on the radio.
"Hey there Jimmy," Al said like I hadn't seen him only Friday.
"Hey," I said back, "Is Emma in the kitchen?"
"Where else would she be on a Sunday?" Sam asked.
I headed in and found her checking the roast that was in the oven.
"It looks wonderful, like always, Emma," I said.
She smiled up at me.
"Well, it's got another half hour at least before it's done," she said, "Did you need something, Jimmy?"
"I kind of invited a friend to dinner," I said, "I hope it's alright. He's away from his family and I don't know the last time he had a good family meal."
"Hearing that," she said smiling, "I think I would have been angry with you if you didn't invite him. You know there's always plenty of food. So tell me about him. Where did you meet?"
"He was in one of Joanie's classes and he's working for her dad," I told her, "He's starting law school this fall."
"Does he have a name, Jimmy?"
"Noah Dixon," I said.
"I'm sure we'll all be glad to have Noah join us," she said with her usual warm smile.
"Thanks Emma," I said and grabbed a beer before heading out to the porch to see how the Tigers was doing.
We sat for a while listening to Ernie and I forget now who was winning but it don't really matter. Sometimes just the act of sitting on a porch on a nice summer Sunday with friends and listening to the game is quite enough to make the day good. I saw Noah's old beat up car turn onto the street and I waved and then watched as he pulled up to the curb behind my car.
"Are we expecting company?" Sam asked.
"Just a friend of mine," I said as Noah got out of his car and started walking up to the house. Now watching Al and Sam right then it occurred to me that maybe I should have thought to tell someone that Noah was a Negro. I really didn't take much note of it by that time. He was just a guy I knew and he was smarter than I was anyway so I didn't see what difference his color really made and I knew that Sam worked with Negroes sometimes and a lot of our customers at the garage were black so I guess it just didn't seem to be something I needed to warn people about.
"Oh yeah," I said before Noah made it within earshot, "He's black."
hehehe...yeah Jimmy "Oh by the way..." I love him so much sometimes.
I want to say something about Emma's line where she said that she would have been upset with Jimmy if he hadn't invited Noah. It's actually a variation on something my grandmother once said to me. See, Nana Lee always made me mittens for Christmas...every year and often more than one pair she'd give me. I had a drawer full of wonderful homemade warm mittens. Well there was this little girl I used to walk to school with.I think I was in second grade and she was in first. Well first real cold day and my friend had no mittens. She owned no mittens...in Michigan! I went and hauled out a few pair and let her pick one. Later I told Nana Lee and said I hoped she didn't mind that I had given away gifts she had made for me. She said, "I would have been upset if you hadn't." I miss my Nana.-J