I wish I could say that the funeral brought comfort to any of us but it really didn't all that much. Joanie was pretty much a wreck for a while. Noah put on a brave face—one I'm sure he practiced a lot—but he was hurting too. It didn't surprise me the basket case Joanie was for a few weeks but then once we got past the first of the year I reminded her of something.
We were dancing at the New Year's party. The countdown had just ended and I kissed her and then we went out on the floor for the next dance.
"It's 1964," I said.
"I know," she said looking at me like I was an idiot since everyone had just been shouting 'Happy 1964'.
"I just remembered a few things that happen in 1964."
"You see the future now?" she asked me.
"Well, Kid and Lou are coming back in June," I said, "Some wedding or something that Kid has to be in. I guess he's the best man."
The smile spread across her face as she realized what I was talking about.
"I didn't forget," she said almost like she was begging me to believe her, "Honest I didn't forget."
"I know you didn't," I told her planting a kiss on her forehead, "I know you wouldn't forget it."
The corners of her mouth turned up again.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked her.
"In six months I won't be Joanie Cohen anymore," she said, "I'll be Joan M. Hickok."
"M?" I asked her. Honestly I hadn't ever heard her middle name to that point.
"Mildred," she said in a whisper like she was embarrassed, "It's dreadful, isn't it?"
"It's not so bad," I told her, "I don't think I'm going to want to use it for any of our kids though."
"Well, you would only over my dead body," she said and it was kind of a double joke there because it was considered bad luck or something to name a child after someone still living. Well, I guess not all Jews feel that way because the Sephardic Jews do the naming after thing all the time but where Joanie's family was from it was a bad thing and I think that's most Jews anyway.
"Okay," I admitted, "It's not the prettiest name, especially for such a pretty girl. But at least it's not your first name."
"Thank goodness," she said, "It's just an initial on a nameplate."
We danced a little bit more and then she said, "Mrs. Hickok, hmmm."
"I really think I like the sound of that," I told her, "How about you?"
"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked.
"I thought we weren't supposed to have any of those," I said sort of kidding with her.
"I was sort of ashamed," she said, "I make a big deal about how a woman can be so independent but I started putting my name with yours on that first drive home. You told me your name and all I could think of was being Mrs. James Butler Hickok. Well, until you turned into a jerk and then all I could think was 'Gee, Joanie, you sure can pick them.'"
"I'll never figure why you gave me that second chance," I told her, "I really thought I blew it."
"I talked to Mom and she said that Daddy used to get defensive sometimes too," she said, "And then you were positively adorable when you apologized."
"I wasn't feeling adorable," I said, "I felt stupid for the way I treated you and that I might've messed up my one chance to…" I let my words trail away. There wasn't any way to put voice to anything I feared that day. Joanie just smiled at me and hummed along with the music. When the song ended she whispered in my ear.
"Even baseball players get three strikes. I would have been dreadful if I'd only given you one."
"How many am I up to now?" I asked almost afraid to hear.
"Lets' see, you had two on you at one point," she said thinking, "Remember when we had that fight about secrets?"
I nodded. I remembered only too well.
"That was definitely a second strike," she stated, "No wait it wasn't. This isn't all one at bat. See, you had the one strike on you the day we met but then I would say you got a nice solid single when you asked me to prom. Then coming up north with us was good and I would have just given you a walk but for the last night."
"Strike?" I asked.
"Double," she said smiling like she was remembering.
"I don't recall being that good."
"Oh the sex wasn't great, I'll grant you," she laughed, "But the care you took of me, how gentle you were, how concerned for me well, that's worth at least a double…maybe a triple. Then there was the fight but see you had an empty count so it was just another strike one. I could go on but the way you took care of me after Stan was a home run. You'd have to mess up pretty bad to lose your hero status and you haven't."
"So, what am I?" I asked, "Superman?"
"Something sort of like that but you don't have a Clark Kent alter ego," she was really thinking about this as we headed to get our coats to go home. "Knight in shining armor maybe?"
"You've got to be joking," I said. She turned and faced me and just stared at me until I looked her in the eye. There was no joking on her face.
"I am most certainly not joking, James," she said sternly, "You have become something to me that I didn't think I needed but then maybe that's what I get for thinking. You are my hero, my champion. You can think of a caped hero or a knight on a white horse or whatever you want but it doesn't change a single thing about what you've been for me."
She took my hand and led me out into the cold night air. We got in the car and she spoke again.
"I wouldn't have made it without you. I fear I rely on you too heavily sometimes but you never seem to notice the weight."
"Well, you don't hardly weigh anything at all and besides, I can't let you fall. It hurts too much to see you hurting. I have to save you when I can."
She snuggled into me, "I love you so very much. You know that right?"
"I do," I said.
"You know I always will too."
"I never doubt for a second," I told her.
We moved along into February and well, I'll say that we, like nearly everybody then, I guess watched the Ed Sullivan Show every week but I don't think we were prepared for what happened on February ninth. Joanie made some popcorn and we settled down to watch like every Sunday and then it happened. Now, we'd heard Beatles songs before. Their first single hadn't been released officially in the United States yet and wouldn't be until April but there were radio stations that had gotten their hands on the British released single of Love Me Do and the flip side was P.S. I Love You. But there was no way we could have predicted the girls screaming themselves hoarse and fainting over those guys on the Ed Sullivan Show. What was more, I couldn't have ever guessed that when the phone rang I would nearly be deafened by Judy screaming in my ear. I handed the phone to her sister. The Beatles were something special and I don't think we all knew exactly how special at that time.
The Beatles were hardly the main focus of our lives right about then and I'll say that Sunday was a rare day for me and Joanie because I didn't see too much of her that last semester. She was working on her last few classes so she could graduate and then the rest of her time was all spent with her mom and sister and Sherry planning the wedding. Sherry couldn't help a great deal with the Jewish parts of things but she was going to be a bridesmaid anyway and went with Joanie to help pick out a dress and things like that. There was so much more involved with a Jewish wedding than any of the other weddings I'd been party to.
I had to help too and that was strange because I really thought I didn't care and for the most part I didn't care what color dresses Judy and Sherry wore or what kind of flowers Joanie carried. She was fine enough with me begging off from that stuff but when it came to the ketubah or contract, she informed me that it was tradition to have it framed and hung in the home and she said if I was going to have to look at it every day I should have a say on what it looked like. I had no idea there were artists who just did things like this. I asked her what all was in the contract since it was me who had to sign it.
"It just outlines your responsibilities and obligations as a husband," she said, "It used to be more about providing money if you died or we divorced but it's less that now."
"Well, I don't speak Aramaic so what am I going to be agreeing to?"
"Well, according to the contract you have to provide me with food and clothing and um, conjugal rights."
I looked at her not sure if I heard that right.
"Yeah, in the old times everything was about having lots of babies so they wanted to make sure people were having sex," she explained, "And when men had more than one wife, they wanted to make sure that both wives were, well, being taken care of equally. I guess it's not all about all that anymore but they do say that a healthy physical relationship helps keep the rest of it strong. Surely you don't have a problem with that, do you, James?"
"I don't except for the part where that's read out loud in front of everyone," I said.
She laughed at me, "Don't be such a prude. I can't even believe I just said that to you of all people. It's not like every married person in the building—or the Jewish ones anyway—didn't go through the same thing. And it's sort of assumed and actually expected once you're married."
I guess she was right. Whatever you suspect might be happening before your child is married, you know once they get past that wedding night that someone is having sex with your kid. And really that's a concern when you're a father and some young man comes to ask for her hand, you know it really isn't about her hands at all. And as much as a father considers this man as a whole and can he provide for her and support her emotionally and physically, you know you are giving formal permission for this guy to have sex with your daughter.
"Besides," I said, "I usually hear how a wife is supposed to submit to her husband."
"Sex is supposed to be at the woman's discretion," she said, "She should never be forced but she should also never use sex as a bargaining chip or as punishment."
"So I have to feed you and clothe you and have sex with you. That all seems easy enough," I told her, "I think I can manage all that."
"I'm not sure if the wording is still there but there might be something about coming up with ransom if I'm ever kidnapped," she informed me laughing a little and how antiquated some of these traditions are.
"I think that would go without saying."
"Of course I'm not sure how they could figure that anymore since the old standard for ransom was whatever my worth would be as a slave," she was trying to look serious but really I could tell she thought it was sort of funny and I did too.
"Well, I guess I could just skip the ransom and track down the evil-doers and go in guns blazing and rescue the fair maiden," I said.
"Oh my hero," she said in some over sugary voice that sounded like the cartoon damsel that just got rescued from the railroad tracks after the bad guy tied her there. Then she dissolved into laughter. It was pretty funny though.
"So you want me to have a say in the ketubah," I said, "What else?"
"You need to get the ring, of course and is there anything special you'd like to have in yihud?"
"You know what I like as far as all that," I told her, "And I have the ring under control."
"I know Kid is your best man but you need another attendant too," she pointed out and that had been a hard thing. It was to be a decent sized wedding and she had two attendants and I needed to balance them. There was never a second thought about my best man. No one else could be that for me and I made sure no one would have a problem with him not being Jewish. I even went to the Rabbi and asked and he said it was alright. But then I really didn't have another exceptionally close friend. I had good friends, friends who were like family to me even but well, to choose one over another was what was tough. I mean it really came down to Billy Cody or Noah. Though I wasn't sure what to do. Then I thought of another option. If Joanie had a brother, he would be the natural choice after my own brother and really she did have someone sort of like a brother and sort of like a best friend at the same time.
"Do you think Aaron would do it?" I asked.
It took her a moment to answer and when she looked up at me, her eyes were shining. I knew my choice meant a lot to her.
"I think he'd be honored but you'd have to ask him to be sure," she replied, "But just the thought…I can't believe you would do that for me."
I sat down and wrote a letter to Aaron asking him. He was just finishing up at Harvard and then was going to be starting medical school at Columbia in the fall. I would have liked to have asked him in person but that wasn't possible. I couldn't really drive off to Massachusetts to ask him and over the phone seemed, I don't know what it seemed but I thought writing a note was the best. I knew Joanie had his address. They wrote back and forth a lot. Years later I found all the letters he'd written her and I was real glad she'd kept them. I know they were a comfort to her sometimes.
The letter wasn't very long but I explained that he was like family to her and that he'd become a good friend to me as well. I knew I could never thank him enough for how he had helped her after Stan and for just being someone who understood her. It just seemed the right choice. I hoped he would agree and that he would do it. I never had talked to him a whole lot about being with Joanie and I didn't know at that time how he really felt about me or about the wedding and as much as Joanie and I promised to not keep secrets, I knew I was keeping one about how Lou felt and if Aaron had something to say about me, she probably wouldn't have told me.
I guess it was maybe a week or so later I got a phone call.
"Hello."
"James, it's Aaron."
Now I should have known why he was calling but I can be dense sometimes.
"Joanie's not here right now, did you try her apartment?"
"I actually wanted to talk to you," he said, "I got your letter."
"Oh," I said not wanting to even say more. This was the time for him to speak candidly and I had no idea if I wanted to hear what all he might have to say.
"I was really surprised you asked me," he told me, "I know you have a lot of friends and we don't know each other very well. But I think you're right and Joanie is like a sister to me."
He paused and I kept quiet hoping that wasn't a cue for me to speak or something.
"The way you worded things made me wonder about something," he went on, "Do you think you need my approval?"
"Not exactly," I told him, "But I could understand if you think she could do better or something and I wouldn't want you to do this if you weren't really all for the wedding."
"And I wouldn't," he said, "I could not stand in front of those people and bear witness to something I felt wrong about. I wasn't sold on you at first, James and I don't think that surprises you. Joanie's a lot more fragile than she likes to think she is and she rarely sees the danger in a situation until the alligators are biting her on the tuchus."
I sort of chuckled at his words as well as how accurate they were.
"After some of the guys she dated—and Stan wasn't the only total creep she got tangled up with—I got a little protective. I'm sure you can understand not wanting to see a dear friend who is close enough to really be family be hurt anymore," he said and I thought of times I had consoled Lou and the times Judy had come to me and I understood exactly what he meant. "I saw you at that party and I understood why she was with you. I hope this doesn't make you feel uncomfortable coming from me but you are a very good looking man, James. And there is a danger about you that is appealing. And I think Joanie had ideas of being needed and being the one to save you though I'm not sure what she thought you needed saving from. Maybe you do."
"Yeah I do," I told him.
"Well, I wasn't all sold on you being right for her and I wasn't thinking about marriage or forever. I didn't even think at first that you were good enough to date her. She seemed so happy with you and that was good and I watched you too. I watched you that night and every other time I saw you. I saw how close an eye you kept on her and how quickly you responded to her moods. Joanie might have let slip that you were the one who took care of her when the stress got to her and that didn't hurt either. I still wasn't sure of you but it's been nearly four years and Joanie doesn't hold much back from me. I know every time you've messed up but I also know the times you've come through. Everyone messes up but you've never been mean to her and well, I guess I'm saying that I'm sold."
I didn't even know what to say to that. I think it might have meant more to me than Mr. Cohen's blessing. There were things Mr. Cohen most certainly didn't know but Aaron did and yet he seemed to feel good about us getting married.
"So what does that mean?" I asked.
"It means it would be an honor for me to stand with you and Joanie."
I can't even tell you what that kind of approval meant to me. I couldn't wait to tell Joanie. I knew it would make her very happy.
Okey-dokey folks...now before you jump on me because of Aaron being a groomsman and not one of the riders, they aren't having the royal wedding here and there weren't going to be that many attendants so choosing one over another was too hard and I figure it's common enough to fill out your attendants with the family of your intended. My best friend was a bridesmaid but my sister in law (hubby's sis) was my matron of honor so there was a reason for this choice...besides it made for a sweet phone call.
Now as for Jewish weddings, they are very involved even for the Reform Jews which you would think would be more lax and they are...If I had to write an orthodox wedding we'd be here for weeks just getting them hitched. Ketubah's are very important and they are in fact framed and often are regarded as the first piece of art a married couple has for their new home together. More will be explained about things like that but basically there are no vows in a traditional Jewish wedding. The groom signs the ketubah before the ceremony and then the Rabbi reads it aloud and that is the extent of vows and it is also true that it is only teh groom that has to sign (well aside from witnesses) the bride does not...Lots of things I will try to explain as we go. Oh yeah yihud...I'll get to that but the reason she asked if he wanted anything specific is that one of the purposes yihud serves is to allow the couple to break their fast. It is common to fast the day of the wedding and that allows them to break it so the couple often are allowed special foods that they like.
Oh yeah and I sort of apoologize for the baseball metaphor from hell...I don't know where that came from but Joanie told me that's what she said so what am I going to do?-J