Part 2 Chapter 14

Kakashi

Day four-thousand four-hundred and eleven without her

The Academy yard was full of excited, proud parents, mostly other shinobi. He picked out the bright pink hair of his father-in-law easily. Kizashi and Mebuki greeted him with familiar warm smiles that belied the anxiety he knew they felt.

"Kakashi." Kizashi clapped him on the back and laughed heartily. "I can't believe our boy is finally going to be a fully fledged shinobi." He sighed, dramatically. "It seems like just yesterday he was climbing the walls and refusing to come down until we got him sweet dango."

Kakashi frowned. He had not known about that. "When was that?"

Mebuki sighed, rubbing her forehead, irritated with her husband's joviality. "When he was three. Just like Sakura, the little brats." She huffed, a fond smile creeping up her face. "Once he finally fell down—thankfully right into Kizashi's waiting arms—he begged us not to tell you he'd done it. Apparently you had already caught him at it once and made him promise not to do it again without you. Poor thing was afraid you'd stop training him if you found out." She sighed, looking up at him with an apologetic expression. "He was so damn cute and practically in tears. We should have told you but… we caved."

He shook his head, sighing but amused. Kazuki had had them wrapped around his little fingers the moment they'd met him. Finding out he was their grandson had only made it worse. They were definitely guilty of spoiling him from time to time.

"I wouldn't have stopped training him. That was what he needed. But we wouldn't have had any sweets for a while."

Mebuki covered her mouth and chuckled, looking up at him with such a fond, loving expression it made Kakashi's heart ache. He was so thankful for Sakura's parents. "You're such a wonderful father, Kakashi. I hope you realize that."

Looking at his feet, suddenly feeling emotional, Kakashi didn't have time to think of anything to say before an intimately familiar chakra was brushing past him. Breath hitching, he looked up in time to see Sakura end a race with herself beside her parents.

"Hey! Am I late? Have I missed anything?"

Kizashi smiled fondly down at her. "Right on time, sweetheart. They'll be out in just a moment."

Kakashi swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and tried to school his expression. "Sakura-chan." She turned to face him, her pink hair that he so longed to run his hands through fanning out behind her. A faint blush colored her cheeks, but whether that was because of him or the run from the hospital, he would never know. "I'm glad you could make it."

Seemingly surprised that he'd addressed her at all—he had been avoiding her lately—she blinked rapidly before a small smile lit her face. "Of course, Sensei." He hated it when she called him that now. "I promised I'd be here for him."

She had. Just as he had promised so many years ago something similar. Damn. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to tell her how much it really meant to him, to their son, that she was there, that she had always been there.

But he couldn't. She isn't yours… not yet...

Before either of them could muster something else to say, the doors of the Academy burst open. Her attention, once riveted on him, was torn away in favor of looking for Kazuki. Standing on her toes, she waved eagerly when she saw him. "Kazuki-chan!"

He watched his son blush at the attention before racing over to meet them. He let his grandparents hug and congratulate him before going to Sakura. Kazuki was grinning up at her beneath his mask. She looked like she was hardly containing her excitement.

"Congratulations, Kazuki-chan!"

Kazuki tapped his hitai-ate with a knuckle. "I look cool, right, Sakura-chan?"

Kakashi couldn't help the quiet chuckle when she squealed and threw her arms around him. "Oh Kazuki-chan, you look so cool!" The brief moment of lightheartedness died as he watched his son shatter, wrapping his skinny arms tightly around her waist. He was fighting so hard not to burst into tears. Sakura, not having noticed his upset, leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I'm so proud of you, Kazuki-chan."

He pressed his face into her shoulder and his own shook once, twice, as he spoke into her chest.

"What was that, Kazuki-chan?"

He pulled back, his eyes glassy and red rimmed. "Come on, Onee-chan. Don't make me say it again, it's embarrassing." He glanced over at him, desperately needing reassurance. Kakashi nodded once. He could get through this. Looking back up at his mother, he blushed and tried again. "I said I love you, Sakura-chan. Thank you for being here today. It means a lot to me."

Sniffling, clearly holding back happy tears, Sakura ran her hand through his hair. Her hair. "Of course, Kazuki-chan. I promised, remember? I'll always be here for you."

The pain Kazuki barely managed to hide, lanced right through Kakashi's heart. She echoed the promise he had made her twelve years ago when he'd said goodbye to her. And tomorrow morning she would disappear. He had never let go of the hope that she would come back to them, but Kazuki didn't know that. Maybe it was cruel to let him believe he was losing her. But it would only hurt him worse if he found her truly dead tomorrow.

"I know." Kazuki let her hug him once more before he walked the few feet to stand in front of him. His chest was heaving and his teeth were clenched, holding back the heartache Kakashi was too familiar with.

"Dad…" Knowing they couldn't do this here, that he couldn't break down just yet, Kakashi gripped one of his shoulders, reaching out to tip his chin so he was looking at him.

"Kazuki…" Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked up at him. "I am so proud of you, son. And your mother was too." He could see Kazuki's lip trembling behind his mask as he nodded. "We are going to be okay. I promise." He sniffled, a few tears slipping free when he nodded again. "I love you, Kazuki."

"I love you too, Dad."

Ruffling his hair, Kakashi was ready when he threw himself at him, burying his face in his chest. Holding him back just as tight, Kakashi looked up when he felt eyes on him. Sakura was watching them, quiet tears streaming down her face that he doubted she even noticed. Kami, he loved her. For just a moment, he let what he was feeling show on his face. Holding his heartbroken son, Kakashi had never so desperately hoped that he was right.

Then she flushed, realizing she'd been caught staring, she turned back to her parents. Releasing the breath he hadn't realized he was holding, Kakashi looked down at his son.

"Can we go, Dad?"

He nodded. "Yes. We should say goodbye, first. Do you think you can manage that?"

Wiping his face on Kakashi's shirt, he stood back and nodded, forcing a smile onto his face. "Yeah."

Cupping his cheek, brushing the last stray tears away with his thumb, Kakashi turned him around and urged him forward. Mebuki saw them first, smiling at him around Sakura. "Well, we will see you two this evening, alright?"

With a small gasp, Sakura spun around to face them, suddenly very close to him. Tearing his eyes away from her beautiful, flush face, he tried to smile at her mother. "Of course, Mebuki." Remembering their interrupted conversation, he suddenly felt the need to thank her. "Thank you for…" the words caught in his throat. Helping me raise my son. For loving him so much, loving me. For everything. "Thank you."

Her smile was knowing, just a little sad, loving… he didn't even flinch when she reached a hand up to cup his cheek. "You know you don't have to thank me, Kakashi." She looked down at Kazuki, catching his chin. "We're all proud of you. You have a nice afternoon with your father and we'll see you tonight. I'm making all your favorites."

"Yeah?"

She nodded, shooting her daughter a wink. "Sakura-chan is even bringing dessert."

Kazuki sounded genuinely excited about that. "Yes! I can't wait. See you later, Kizashi-jii-chan, Baba-chan."

He accepted their tight hugs and waved as they left. Alone with Sakura, Kakashi stared down at her. Her blush had intensified as she studiously avoided his gaze. "Well, I guess I should be going too." She ruffled Kazuki's hair again. "I'll see you tonight, okay?" when he ducked slightly, she tsk'd, grinning.

"Bye, Sakura-chan."

She turned to leave, only then catching his eye again. "See you, Kakashi-sensei."

He tried not to flinch at the honorific, nodding once before she dashed off. Once she was out of sight, both Kakashi and his son let out held breaths. "Dad?" The little tremble was back in his voice.

"Yes?"

"Can we go for a run? With the ninken? I feel like that might make me feel better."

Dropping his hand on the top of his head, Kakashi smiled down at him. "Sure, Buddy. Let's do that.

KSK

Kakashi pushed his food around his plate, pretending to eat. Beside him, his son was doing the same thing. Mebuki was a fantastic cook and she had made all of Kazuki's favorite things. Hatsue had even contributed the fish, a congratulatory gift.

But neither of them felt hungry. Glancing across the table, it seemed Sakura's parents were struggling with their appetites too. Kizashi, thankfully always able to prop up a conversation and mood despite how he felt, conversed happily with Sakura.

She had no problem eating, though she did send confused glances around the table occasionally, clearly upset by the heavy mood. Sick of it, she pushed her father to get out the sake. Great. That was exactly what he needed.

"Sake makes Dad sad." Kazuki muttered into his food, shoving a bite of something into his mouth. Sakura hadn't heard him, insisting they shouldn't be moping on such a happy day. Kakashi felt bad, because she was right. They should be celebrating his son and how hard he had worked. They should be discussing which current Jōnin might be his sensei and who would be on his team. Instead, what would happen tomorrow hung over them like a heavy pall.

Sighing and giving his son an encouraging nudge, Kakashi accepted a drink from Sakura. He would only have the one. Watching her smile at Kazuki, Kakashi decided they could do this again, when she came back. They could celebrate their son, her being home, being together again.

Eventually, frustrated with the continued lack of cheer, Sakura got up to get dessert. Taking her exit as a cue, Mebuki and Kizashi stood up from the table, kissed Kazuki and went up to bed. Kakashi, too, told him goodnight and headed up to the roof. He needed that smoke.

He met her parents on the stairs. Mebuki caught his sleeve, her face twisted with pain. "Are you sure it's right to keep the truth from him, Kakashi? He's so heartbroken. I want so badly to give him just a little bit of hope."

Kakashi sighed, meeting Kizashi's eyes over her head. He, Kakashi knew, agreed with him. But she was right, it hurt him to watch his son suffer. "He's known for three years this was coming. I can't bear to give him hope if it turns out badly. It will only hurt worse."

She sniffed and looked up at him. "And what about you, Kakashi? What will you do if it turns out badly? Hm? Will you survive it?"

Dropping his gaze, unable to look at her, Kakashi stared hard at the floor. "I'll have to. I won't abandon my son. I promised… I promised her."

A soft sob was all the warning he had before she was embracing him. If tomorrow turned out badly, they would get through it together. They would be there—for him, for his son—just like they always had. When she pulled back, she cupped his face, making him look at her. Her expression was determined. "You forget about that now. Okay?" She nodded encouragingly. "Everything is going to be fine. You are going to bring your wife home, our daughter, and Kazuki's mother. All these years apart will finally be over, and the three of you are going to be so happy together."

He let out a shaky breath, feeling uncomfortably emotional. He wished he could blame the sake. "Okāsan…"

She smiled and let him go, taking a step back. "Goodnight, Kakashi. We'll see you when you get back." Kizashi followed her, his large hand heavy on Kakashi's shoulder before they both disappeared into their bedroom. He knew how much of his survival the last twelve years he owed to those two. He hoped she was right. He hoped he would be able to bring their daughter back to them. Sniffing once, Kakashi made his way up to the roof.

It was a nice evening. Leaning against the rail, he lit a cigarette and waited for Sakura. He wondered what he should say to her. This conversation was not something she had ever shared with him, but he got the impression that it was important. Maybe only because it was their last.

Here, so close to the end of all the years of waiting, of hoping, Kakashi felt… brittle. Almost like he did at the beginning, when she had first disappeared. If she didn't come back to him, he knew he would fall completely apart like he had then.

But what he'd told Mebuki hadn't been a lie. He would fall apart, it would break him like nothing else ever had, but he would survive. He had to. Kazuki needed him, and he would not deprive him of both of his parents. He had promised.

Sakura didn't make him wait long. As she stood there, watching him, Kakashi hoped he'd get this right.

"Did Kazuki send you up to find me?"

She laughed, but it sounded anxious and forced as she walked over to join him. "He did. He's asked to stay with me tonight, if that's alright?"

He blew out a long puff of smoke and took the cigarette out of his mouth, dashing it against the rail. "Hmm." The corner of his mouth turned up in a faint smile as he finally looked at her. She met his eyes, but he didn't have it in him to hide what he was feeling from her any more. Unable to understand, and probably uncomfortable with what he knew she saw there, she looked away. He found he was unable to. "I figured he might. I'll be out first thing anyway. He can keep your parents company tomorrow."

She nodded but didn't say anything. When she reached up with one hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, he thought he could just make out a faint blush in the moonlight. Glancing down at the container in her hands, he smiled to himself, nodding down at it. "Did he save any for me?"

She looked down, another quiet, more genuine laugh escaping. "Oh, yes. He told me to bring them up for you."

When she held the box out to him, Kakashi hesitated, remembering the first time she had made these for him. She huffed when he didn't immediately take the box from her and picked one up, holding it out for him.

As she held it out to him, he was so tempted to lean down and take it from her deceptively delicate fingers with his tongue. Like he had so many times before. She would laugh at him and pull him down for an equally sweet kiss.

But when he glanced up at her, her face nearly matching her dress, he knew he couldn't. Huffing a small laugh, he reached out and took it from her. "He does love these. I'm surprised he left me any."

Letting his foot fall from the rail, he eyed the delicate crane in his hand before popping it in his mouth. After a moment of letting it melt on his tongue, he sighed pleasantly. He suddenly decided he knew what to say. "I've been meaning to thank you, Sakura."

He heard her gasp softly at his lack of diminutive. She had always been Sakura-chan, separate from Sakura, his wife. "For what?"

"For always taking such good care of… of my son. He's lucky to have grown up with you around." He reached for another of the little cranes. "I don't know how I would have managed without you and your parents."

After avoiding her so much lately, it felt nice to talk to her again.

"I… well I'm sure he would have turned out just fine if you'd have raised him alone in a cave." She laughed softly. "He adores you."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. The first part was definitely bullshit. There's no way either of them would have managed half so well without her family, without Aiko and Genma and the rest of their friends. But… he was keenly aware of how much his son loved him.

"I know it hasn't been easy for you, but… he's never, ever doubted you love him… Kakashi."

He had reached for the last sweet, but his hand froze halfway to his mouth. His chest constricted painfully. She had no idea… his name falling from her lips, so casual and soft, almost hurt to hear. He had started this, he should have expected her to follow suit.

"I should go. It's late and… tomorrow—" He turned to look down at her, one finger hooked in the edge of his mask ready to tug it back into place. But then he was caught, captured in her beautiful eyes. He loved her so much it hurt, still, after all these years. Suddenly remembering how the realization that she was his was going to hurt her, he needed her to know. He needed her to know it was okay. "You're right… It hasn't… It hasn't been easy. Every single day—" He swallowed thickly, needing to get the words out. "I need you to know, I wouldn't change anything, Sakura… At least, nothing which was ever within my power to change."

He couldn't breathe, and it looked like she couldn't either. He wanted to, needed to touch her, to kiss her. His hand moved on its own, reaching for her soft hair, her smooth cheek, to draw her close. If this was their last moment together…

But he couldn't. Confusing her like that might ruin everything, and he would never risk that. He forced his hand to stop, hovering just shy of her face for half a heartbeat before he managed to pull it back. "Goodbye, Sakura." I love you.

Without risking another second of his weak will, Kakashi tugged his mask back up and leapt off the roof and into the night. As he raced home, Kakashi knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. But that was alright. Soon, he would sleep with his wife.

A/N So, I have one more chapter written and I have been stuck here for months. Nothing feels right! I had like, two chapters worth written and then I decided it was cringy and I hated it. Now I have a whole chapter for just following the kidnappers and while I like bits and pieces, it feels too long. I wanted Sasuke to show up. But he either feels too confrontational or too OOC or boring and I just can't. It doesn't help that my muse for this is being a bitch. I have a few fleeting thoughts about the epilogue but that's pretty much it. Every time I try to think about what comes next after chapter 15, my brain gets stuck and if feels like pulling teeth. I am especially annoyed because I thought I had it figured out and when I sat down to write it, it just feels so forced and drug out. Ugh. We will get there someday I promise.