That was easily the most uncomfortable dinner we ever had. Jesse was as far from Buck as he could get and sitting right next to Sam sort of leaning toward the man. As much as it upset me how easily frightened Jesse still was, it did my heart some good that it was Sam Jesse looked at to protect him. Sam was sort of glaring at Buck and I felt bad for Buck but I really understood what was happening. I think I saw Sam and Jesse's relationship come together right then. Not that it was all sunshine and lollipops from then on or anything. Jesse was a very wounded young man and still took a lot of patience and they weren't through with being thrown for loops but I think there was the beginnings of each of them feeling what they wanted to feel and what they wanted the other one to feel about them.

Buck wasn't taking a whole lot of notice of Jesse or Sam and I was kind of grateful of that since it would have just made him feel bad. He was trying to just focus on Lisa but I could see the angry looks he was shooting at Billy and Sherry. Those two were adorable even though she was a snippy thing, it was obvious they were falling for each other and weren't taking their time about it either. When things are going sour in your own life, it's easy to resent the good in someone else's. I know Buck wanted to be happy for Billy. We all wanted Billy to find someone but right then it sort of felt to Buck like his nose was getting rubbed in what he didn't have any more. Billy of course was oblivious because I was the only one at the table besides Buck who knew the whole story. Ike and Annie were at something with her family that day. Something with her sister or one of her sister's kids or something.

Emma was feeling the tension the same as we all were but she was already not feeling well and it was taking a toll on her right before us. Jesse took notice of it about when I did and I saw him get twice as scared as he'd been. Sam looked up and saw what we saw and shot a glare at Buck who, for him was the source of the discomfort at the table. I caught Joanie's eye and motioned her to follow my lead. We got up and went to Emma's place at the table. I crouched down.

"I know you like to think you're invincible," I said softly in her ear, "But you're not well and you're scaring the boy."

She looked to Jesse and I could tell it near to broke her heart to see him that frightened.

"He needs Sam right now which is a good thing," I continued, "But you need to get some rest."

She nodded and I helped her stand.

"Are you alright Emma?" Buck asked suddenly concerned and I answered before Sam could say something he or maybe even all of us would regret.

"She's been feeling poorly lately," I said, "Joanie and I are going to get her up to bed for a little rest."

Emma made it a couple steps before her legs wobbled. I caught her and lifted her so that I could carry her the rest of the way up the stairs with Joanie right on my heels. I got her to her room and set her on the bed.

"The dishes," she started to protest.

"Emma, you've got two capable women and a bunch of strapping men down there," Joanie reasoned, "Somehow the dishes will get done and put away."

I looked up to see that Sherry had followed us up the stairs.

"You are seeing a doctor soon, right?" Sherry asked Emma.

"Tomorrow," Emma nodded.

"When you say feeling poorly, what does that mean?" Sherry looked very concerned. She was like that, she just took to people and she had a strong respect and affection for Emma.

"I've been dizzy and lightheaded and haven't felt too much like eating," Emma began, "And when I do try to eat it just turns my stomach. I can't keep anything down and I fainted last night."

"Do you have any pain?"

"Sometimes a little right here," Emma put her hand over her lower abdomen.

"Emma," Sherry began looking at me uncertainly and I got scared. It's not like Sherry was a doctor or anything but she knew a lot about Biology and things like that. I trusted her opinions a great deal. "When was the last time you had your monthly visitor?"

"It's been a couple months," Emma admitted, "But then I'm pretty sure I'm starting my change."

"You're a little young to be starting menopause," Sherry said, "It's possible but less likely than the other thing it sounds like."

"Which is?" I asked.

"I could be wrong and the doctor should check you all out to be sure it isn't something entirely different but it sounds like you could be pregnant."

Emma just stared at Sherry blankly like the words had just been so much gibberish. I figured that was my cue to leave. Sherry followed me out sensing that Emma needed to digest things. I think I heard Sherry mutter something about making tea. She acted like she felt bad for having said anything but I was hoping she was right. I had been real worried for Emma and this would be something good and maybe something to make her happy. I know she wanted another child from the time she lost her Edward and I know she and Sam had tried for a child of their own.

Sherry and I could hear yelling as we descended the stairs.

"I said," I heard Buck's voice, "Get out now before she's whoring it around town."

"I don't know what's gotten into you," Billy answered him, "But I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

I turned and saw Sherry's face that said she would never un-hear that. I wasn't sure which emotion was winning in her battle between hurt and angry. I would have taken more time to console her, she didn't deserve that after all but then I heard a chair tip back as Sam stood.

"I'm not," Sam bellowed, "You come in here yelling, scaring Jesse half to death, driving Emma to a sick bed, not that you owe her anything for all she's done for you, and now you're insulting someone who's supposed to be a friend good enough to be a brother and you're insulting a nice girl. She's watched your daughter for God's sake, Buck!"

Sherry and I were just getting to the dining room and could see Buck and Sam nearly bumping chests, fists clenched. Billy was trying to get between them.

"Guys, we can talk," Billy was saying before Sam grabbed Buck's shirt and Buck pulled his fist back. Now in some world where the people were actors who were going to go for coffee after the director yells cut, this might have been funny but these were my friends, my family and this wasn't humorous at all. Buck's fist connected squarely with Billy's jaw. Everything froze except for poor Billy who was powerless right then against gravity. He sank and Sherry screamed. Now I will tell you her scream was no helpless damsel's scream. It was filled with rage and she flew at Buck before I could get to her. He grabbed her arms to try to protect himself all the while looking completely stunned at what he'd just done. I wasn't sure I'd ever seen him punch anyone and certainly he never would have hit anyone he cared for before.

A steady string of cussing was flying from Sherry's mouth as he hit at him and then just as suddenly as she had hurled herself at him, she pulled away and dropped to her knees next to Billy to see if he was alright.

"Will," she said softly and there was not a hint of the wild angry creature she had just been. "Are you okay baby?"

Buck took a step toward and opened his mouth I'm pretty sure to apologize.

"Get the hell away from him!" she shrieked at him. Billy opened his eyes at that and she set to fussing over him.

I just stood there. I wasn't sure where to begin and then I noticed the missing people from the dining room. Buck seemed to take notice at the same time.

"Where's Lisa?" he said panicked. He was going to explode if he didn't calm down some.

"Don't worry," I said, "She's probably wherever Al and Jesse are and be grateful she didn't just see that. You stay here and work things out with Sam, if you think you two can talk like grownups. I'll find the others."

I paused before heading out of the house.

"Is he okay, Sherry?" I asked looking down at where she still knelt next to Billy.

"Yeah, I think so," she answered with more fear in her voice than I knew she was comfortable with.

"Buck, get some ice for his jaw," I said and I saw Sherry start to object, "It really is the least he can do."

I went out to find the kids and I had a couple ideas where I'd find them. I made it to the porch before I realized Sam was following me. I whirled on him. I understood everyone's feelings but I wasn't in the mood to be nice about how they had acted.

"You're worried about Emma and Jesse?" I half yelled. Okay, it was a full yell, I admit it. "Work this out. It's the best thing you can do for them."

I stalked off the porch and headed for Al's. I figured he'd probably take the kids there. He could surely see where things were headed in that dining room and would have cleared the younger ones out. I tapped on his front door and it didn't take too long for him to open it.

"Sorry about running off with the youngsters," he said, "I figured they didn't need to see whatever was about to happen and there wasn't no one to tell where I was taking them."

"You're pretty predictable for such an eccentric old man."

He stepped back and let me in where I found Jesse and Lisa hunched over a coloring book.

"That's real good, Lisa," Jesse was saying as he looked at what she was coloring, "I think you're right, pigs should be blue. They look nicer that way."

"Hey guys," I said.

"Hi Uncle Jimmy," Lisa said with a smile that said Al had been successful in getting her out of there before she saw too much. "Want to see my picture?"

"Sure sweetheart," I said kneeling down to see what she'd been working on and yes, the pigs were blue but they did look kind of nice. "Those are some really special pigs."

"Jesse colors better," she said and I looked at the opposite page in the coloring book where Jesse had stayed so carefully in the lines it was almost painful. You know you can tell worlds about a child by drawings and I've found over the years sometimes you can tell just as much by how they color. Everything was the correct color and everything neat and tidy.

"Jesse's been coloring longer," I said, "I really like your picture though."

She smiled at me and went back to coloring. I think there were some ducks about ready to become purple.

"Jesse, can I talk to you a minute?"

"Sure, Jimmy," he answered and we went to the next room where Lisa couldn't hear.

"You know Buck wasn't going to hurt you, right?"

"My dad used to get that look and then the men mom brought around got it too," he said with a haunted look I knew only too well. "Men are dangerous when they look like that."

"Buck's hurting right now," I said, "It's not anyone else's business why but he's hurting real bad. He's kind of feeling like the world is out to get him. Hurt like that makes people say things they don't mean."

"Is Sam okay?" Jesse asked.

"Yeah, Sam's fine," I said, "His fear for Emma and for you collided with Buck's hurt and almost got out of hand. Billy broke it up sort of."

Jesse's eyes were moist when he looked up at me.

"I'm real scared right now, Jimmy," he said, "Emma's sick and I think she's a lot more scared than she lets on. Sam's scared too but he's been good to me. I feel safe around him, like maybe he might even stick up for me. He says he wants to be a dad to me. He says he's proud to think of me as his son. What if something happens to Emma? What happens then?"

"First things first," I said, Sam means what he says and he isn't saying it to make Emma feel better. Sam's a man that's wanted a family and just had to wait longer than most to get a second chance at it. He'd do absolutely anything to keep you safe just like a father's supposed to do. Trust that, Jesse because you can take it to the bank. As for Emma, she's been through a lot in her time and you bring her joy like she hasn't known in far too long. That's got to count for something. And there's lots of things can make someone feel sick that aren't serious. She's going to the doctor and we'll just see what he has to say before we get our knickers in a twist."

It wasn't easy but I convinced him to come back home. I know he wasn't sure it was safe but he was old enough to start learning when to face your fears and that talking things out in a controlled environment could mend a lot of things.

I swung Lisa onto my hip and looked to make sure Jesse was trailing behind.

"Thanks for getting bringing them here, Al," I said as I headed for the door.

He just smiled at me. I did always know the man was smart but sometimes his instincts really caught me by surprise.

I headed next door to Emma and Sam's to see Buck pacing wildly on the porch. He jumped down the steps when he caught sight of me with Lisa but he didn't head straight for me like I thought he would. Instead he stopped a few feet in front of Jesse. I stayed there to make sure Jesse wasn't too scared and let Lisa down to run toward the porch where Joanie and Sherry were holding their arms open to her.

"Jesse," Buck started and he was looking at his feet a good deal of the time. "I know this won't mean much until I can show you I mean it but I am sorry. I don't want to be the guy who scares people. I don't want to be an angry or dangerous man. This is your home, Jesse and I made you feel scared in your own home. It doesn't sound like enough but all I can say is that I really am sorry."

Jesse looked uncertain and I know it did tear him up. He and Buck had always gotten on well. Finally the kid smiled and patted Buck on the back.

"You should talk to Jimmy more," he said, "That's what I do when I feel like I'm going crazy and don't know what to do. He's pretty good to talk to."

"Buck looked relieved and smiled himself, "Thanks for the tip. I'll have to remember that."

Nice family dinner...yikes...well, where I am it's officially Christmas by a half hour. I hope everyone's is merry and bright and that you are surrounded by those you love. Please be safe. May 2012 bring each of you wonderful things!-J