We did a good job of 'making up' that night. Over the years I learned some stuff about marriage and one of the biggest was that fights don't mean a hell of a lot. It really is in the making up and I don't just mean the sex or even the kissing and making up. I mean it's the knowledge that you can work through things. People get mad and people don't always get along but if they can get over their mad, even if that means yelling it out, they can talk and once you talk then things get better usually. I'm not saying every conflict of every marriage can be solved this way but fights don't have to be the end of the world and they don't have to mean anything other than you both are human. We'd all love to think that you get the white dress and tux and trade those rings and live happily ever after like the storybooks say but no one's happy all the time and the people we live with often see us at our worst.

"I didn't even hear all of that news report," she said, "I heard 'Vietnam' and tuned the rest out. What was it?"

"Well there was an air strike by our guys on some place in North Vietnam," I told her, "I don't think there were casualties there but then there was an attack by the Viet Cong on one of our places. Some soldier heard them setting charges to blow up at the doors and windows of the barracks and stuff like that. So this soldier sends up the alarm and opens fire but he gets killed himself."

I know my voice cracked and Joanie tightened her grip on me. We were still in bed and it was late enough that's where we were staying until morning.

"I just couldn't help but think that what if it was Kid?" I said, "It could be him as easily as anyone else."

I could feel the hot tears hitting my chest and then she kissed over each one that fell. The kisses weren't an attempt to get anything started and I knew it and was grateful. Joanie was a great distraction from the things happening in the world but I couldn't always be distracted. I felt guilty sometimes that Joanie I think might have felt a little like she was taking a back seat to Kid. Of course I think she understood too. I know if anything had happened to Judy and in fact when there were times to have worry for Judy I was way below her sister in her mind. You don't have to have a messed up childhood to appreciate and need the people who were there for all your growing pains. I still sometimes felt bad that it seemed I was almost closer to Kid than my own wife but she never seemed to care. I'd love to say it never came up between us but it did more than once. Mostly I know she understood.

"I'm sorry," she choked out.

"I know it's not him though," I told her, "His bunch was moving out into the jungle more when he wrote so he's not on any type of installation that's official or anything. Just made me realize how real the danger is though."

"What else did he write?" she asked, "If you don't mind telling me that is."

"I don't mind at all," I answered, "I know he wouldn't either. He thanked you for the goodies you sent and said the rest of the guys appreciated it too. Not everyone gets care packages like he does but between you and Emma he knows he can count on some nice taste of home from time to time."

"I wish I could do more," she whispered and I rubbed her back. If I'd been angry before and that's a big if because I still don't think I really was, I knew I couldn't stay that way. She got passionate about things, sure but she was always passionate on the side of helping people and being a loving soul. It's hard to fault a person for that.

"You do all I could ever ask of you," I told her, "Some days you do even more than that. You do so much for me and then ease my worry even more by trying to take care of him too. There's nothing more I could ask of you."

"I think I'll have some time this weekend to get another batch of cookies or something ready to send."

"I know he'll appreciate them," I said softly, "I think the film will be ready by then. Remember we took that whole roll at Christmas just for him? All the kids and the whole gang and Rosemary. He's never seen her."

"By the time he comes home, they'll be married," she observed, "Maybe that's for the best."

"What does that mean?"

"Rosemary's very passionate about things," Joanie explained trying to stay tactful. "My blow up earlier at the news is nothing to what she would have done and she's just as hostile about the war. I don't like the war, James, and I wish it were over and the boys all home safe but she gets a venom that he doesn't need to hear."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating," I said and I kick myself now for ever doubting Joanie. She had an instinct about people that I lacked and she was usually right. She liked Rosemary well enough most of the time and they agreed on basic principal but I came to know that the methods by which they believed their objectives could be met were very different. If I thought Joanie came with problems, I had no idea what Noah was setting himself, and the rest of us, up for. She was positively sweet as pie to me and I know that should have sent up red flags right there that someone so active in the civil rights movement would act so demure around men. But I was an idiot back then I call into evidence my stomping out into a snowstorm in February. And my next sentence to Joanie.

"I know you usually put a letter in when you send him a package," I began, "Maybe you should skip the description of where you were a week ago."

Now just about a week before a professor at U of M got into his head to organize a demonstration that was well attended and sparked a bunch more on campuses across the country. Joanie was there with Noah and Rosemary and I think even little Judy. Yeah I knew I should stop thinking of her as little Judy but that never entirely happened.

"And why should I?" she asked, "I was there for him. I'm not an idiot, James. I know that not all war is unnecessary. I shudder at what happened before the concentration camps were liberated and nothing short of military intervention was going to liberate them. I light candles every Chanukkah and that event we celebrate only came about as a result of war. It's not all war; it's this war. It's wrong and there are other ways it could be handled. Kid needs to be home, safe with his family."

She sat up and the blanket fell away from her chest. You know, we were both still naked and she was exposed which is a way I loved seeing her but right then might have been the only time I ever saw her naked and couldn't feel glad about it.

"How can you even think of doing that to him?" I asked, "He's terrified and lonely and missing home and you're going to tell him how 2,500 people just got together to protest what he's doing?"

"What he's being ordered to do," she clarified, "It's not the soldiers we're protesting. It's the decisions by their superiors."

"Joanie, he likes you, he respects you and if you tell him about that demonstration, it will crush him."

"I'm sure I can make him understand that I go to things like that because I love him, and you, so much. I want our family and all we consider family to be safe."

"Honey," I said softly not wanting to start another fight at least partly because I really didn't have the energy for anymore 'making up'. "I think about the only thing he can understand right now is fear, loneliness and trench foot."

"Ugh, really, James?" she said rolling her eyes at me and I think her resolve was crumbling. "You had to give me that visual? That's disgusting."

"This from a woman whose idea of a great first romantic getaway involved an outhouse."

"You didn't complain at all on the beach that last night," she shot back at me and well, no I didn't and I don't know a man who wouldn't agree to an outhouse for a week if it meant sex at the end.

"Do we have to fight again?" I asked, "I love you and I understand why you were at the demonstration. I'm proud of you for it even. I agree Kid needs to be home and not God only knows where in the jungles half way around the world. I'm just asking a favor that you leave that little tidbit out. Surely there's more to talk about than that."

"Because I love you and you think it will upset him I will omit that part," she said, "You know the last thing I want to do is make this harder on him, right?"

I nodded and then looked over at the clock on the nightstand and sighed. It was late and six o'clock wasn't nearly as far off as I wished it was. It would have been better planning for me to act a fool when it wasn't a school night. Joanie followed my gaze and sighed herself. It was going to be a coffee filled day for both of us.

I was right about that next day. I thought I was going to die for most of it and then ended up spending the afternoon apologizing to the secretary for biting her head off. She was a nice lady, Florence was her name. She forgave me pretty quick but that was after I ran out on my lunch break and bought some flowers for her desk. Most stupid things men do can be smoothed over with flowers and a little groveling.

I was just getting settled at my desk with yet another cup of coffee and some overdue paperwork when I heard a knock on the door frame. I kept a pretty loose office. As long as the door was open, students could wander in. I only ever closed it if I wasn't in there or if I was already speaking with another student. I looked up and there was one of my tougher cases, Cathy, standing in the doorway looking as timid as usual. Cathy'd had a rough go of things in her life and I think she sort of felt she deserved the bad that happened to her. She was a bright girl and a pretty enough thing too, about Judy's age I guess because she was a senior that year. I had been trying to convince her that she could in fact go to college if she got a couple of her grades just a little higher. Scholarships have always been there and there were student loans at the time and a booming job market so that she wouldn't have any trouble at all finding work and paying off loans if she needed them. It was her confidence in herself that was lacking. It wasn't as easy to help the girls sometimes as the boys and especially when I was starting out. I thought of myself as so much older and I guess that was just how long it had been since I had been in high school but I was reminded the first day of school that I wasn't really that much older than these kids and the girls didn't let that pass notice at all.

Cathy wasn't any different and when she'd first come to me I couldn't even get her to look at me, much less say anything. Finally I got her talking and it was hard I will say. If a guy is feeling bad about not having a girl or something like that, it's easy to talk guy to guy but a girl's insecurities are harder for a man to address. If I tell a girl she's pretty it can get taken the wrong way. It's not that I couldn't do it but it took a lot more thought and I was always worried I wasn't doing enough to help poor Cathy. I had gotten her placed in a different foster home before the holiday break. They weren't feeding her at the old one. It was hard to get kids out of foster care in those days. Getting them out of a bad home with their folks was relatively easy. The parents didn't want to have to worry about them anymore anyway. But foster families get paid some and they don't want to give that up. I did it though and I was kind of proud but you never know with that if you haven't just pulled them from the frying pan and tossed them right into the fire. I was glad to see her but at the same time a little scared to find out how things were for her.

"You know you don't have to just stand in the doorway, Cathy," I said smiling. We had started with formalities as I did with most students but after a half year we had finally moved from 'Miss Reese' and 'Mr. Hickok' to Cathy and Jim. Now I'm sure if many of my colleagues had heard the kids call me Jim they would have been near scandalized but I needed the kids to open up to me and opening up to Mr. anybody was hard but opening up to Jim was alright.

"You're not busy are you, Mis-um-Jim?"

Yeah Cathy was still a work in progress and time was of the essence with her.

"Just hitting some of the paperwork that keeps me from doing the important parts of my job," I told her, "It can wait. Come on in."

She smiled a little and I treasured even that unsure little smile. I wasn't sure for a while if I'd ever get any expression from her at all. Cathy closed the door behind her and sat in one of the chairs opposite my desk.

"How are things, Cathy?" I asked and almost wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer especially when her eyes filled.

"Talk to me, Cathy," I nearly begged her, "I can only help if I know what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," she said with her voice wavering as she tried to turn her mouth into a smile. "Really, it's not. The lady at my new home, Donna, is a real nice lady. She taught me to sew and everything. Remember I nearly failed home economics because of my sewing?" I nodded wanting to encourage her. She rarely opened like this and she sounded almost excited.

"Well, Donna has so much patience I can sew anything now. I made this skirt," she stood and twirled proudly. I was proud of her too. "And she sits and talks to me and tells me stories. She always wanted children but couldn't have them. She's so nice. Thank you."

"Cathy, there is no need to thank me," I told her, "Just seeing you happy and hopeful is my thanks. I have to ask though if you've given thought to where you'd want to go when you turn eighteen."

"Donna says we're family as long as I need or want her," she said and I think right then she was even more proud of that than the skirt she made. "I think my sewing is good enough to get a job in a seamstress shop while I go to school."

"And what about after school?"

"Well, that's a long way off," she said and I could hear the excitement in her voice as she pulled a paper out of the stack of books in her lap. "All I needed was to bring my science grade up, right?" I nodded again and took the paper as she handed it to me. I was looking at her science progress report. She had gone from failing to a solid B. I was speechless. Then I know the goofiest smile ever spread across my face.

"I knew you could do this," I said, "I always knew it."

"I think you were the only one for a while."

She was right. I had gone around and around with Ken Nugent the science teacher about Cathy's grades. He really thought she wasn't capable. She sure proved him wrong.

"Jim," she began timidly and I was a little discouraged that she was back to seeming so shy around me. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded knowing that there was no need to reiterate for the umpteenth time that my kids could ask me anything.

"You have new pictures on your desk," she observed, "Are they all your family?"

"Yeah, they are," I said and then explained, "This is my sister-in-law, Judy. She's about your age and she gave me this senior picture for Chanukkah. You do remember when I told you about Chanukkah, right?" Cathy nodded at me so I went on.

"This one is my whole family, I guess," I continued, "You know me and my wife from the other wedding picture but that's Al and Emma. They aren't together or anything and they never were but they're kind of parents to me all the same and the rest are my brothers and sister. Those two are Buck and Ike and I've known them since oh Lord, it must've been late in grammar school or maybe junior high when I met them and this is Bill Cody-"

"The guy on the news?" she asked

"That's him," I replied, "I met Billy in high school, I guess same as Lou here. Her name's Louise but we call her Lou and this guy is newer to our bunch but he got to be family all the same, his name's Noah."

"What about this man?" she asked, "He's so handsome."

"Yeah, Lou thinks so too," I said, "They got married. That's Kid. I've been friends with Kid since kindergarten. We were always there for each other until now."

"Why not now?" she asked.

I blinked a couple times. I was all about letting the kids know I was human and emotional too but I just couldn't let the tears get started right then, not when things were finally going right for this poor girl.

"He's in Vietnam," I answered.

"I'm sorry," she said and I knew she understood. The young are always the ones with the greatest burdens in times of war it seems. "So who's this kid?"

"That is Jesse," I said, "I worked with him when I was finishing up school and got him into a new home with Emma and her husband so I guess now he's kind of like a kid brother but he'll always be one of my kids, like you are."

"You think I'm your kid?"

"You're one of them," I told her, "I can't do this job any other way but to treat each of you like you're my own. Too many of you don't have someone who feels that about you anyway and it makes it easier to try to help you find what's best for you."

She smiled and I think for the first time she really believed that she should have love and hope and every good thing that any other soul walking this earth deserves.

"So who are those boys?"

"That's Kid and me when we was man, I guess maybe thirteen or fourteen."

"Jim," she said with much more confidence than I had ever seen from her and I think sometimes being reminded that every person you encounter was once a goofy kid really helps confidence. "Can I hug you?"

Now that was sort of crossing a boundary I wasn't sure about. I tried to stay pretty hands off with the girls I worked with. I didn't need to invite trouble. As it was I was pushing things letting the kids call me Jim and then the Beatles hair I was sporting then. But then when you have a student finally coming out of her shell you don't want to drive her back in with a rejection.

"Now Cathy," I said, "You know I'm a married man."

"And your wife is beautiful and smart and you're a good man and I wouldn't ever want you to do anything wrong," she said, "But if I'm one of your kids, like you said. I mean, don't you hug that Jesse kid?"

Well she had me there. I stood and opened my arms to her. Some girls I would still have put off but I had established well enough that this wouldn't come back to bite my butt. She looked a tiny but uncertain and then wrapped her arms around me and I gently hugged her back. Then she pulled away with a smile.

"Thank you," she said, "Whether you think you deserve it or not."

And then she was gone, out the door and to her next class.

I might have been tired beyond what I thought I could handle that day but it was turning out to not be such a bad day after all. I actually didn't have a class that evening and I knew Joanie was going to be late at work for some case her Uncle Eli had her working on so I headed over to the garage after work to touch base with Al and Jesse both.

"Well if it isn't the prodigal son returning at last," Al said wiping his hands on a rag.

"Are you trying to be that dramatic, Al," I asked, "Or does it just come natural?"

Jesse looked up from the car he was working on.

"Jimmy, what are you checking up on me or something?"

"Something," I said and Jesse sort of smirked at me.

We all heard the bell over the door ring and looked to see who came in. Then Al and I kept looking at the woman there, so much so that we didn't notice Jesse trying to slink away. She was quite a looker. Her blonde hair was pulled back severely like she was trying to hide how pretty she is or maybe make herself look older. Not that she was my age or anything but she was trying for old school marm and she was missing it by quite a ways. She probably wasn't much more than ten years older than me and she was dressing to try to hide a body that was begging to be noticed anyway. Now I talk about Al like he was some dottering old man or something but really he probably wasn't much over forty or forty-five at the time and he was fully capable of appreciating a woman like her.

"Can I help you?" Al said once he picked his jaw up off the ground.

"I was told Jesse James worked here," she said trying to look like she was out of patience with being there but there was something in here eye that said she was sort of happy she had to be there to meet Al. I looked around to find Jesse while Al let his eyes twinkle at her.

"What'd you go running off for?" I asked when I found him.

"That's Mrs. Dunne," he whispered, "She's my English teacher."

Well, that explained a whole lot about how she dressed and wore her hair. If her students thought for a moment that body was under that frumpy dress she was wearing she'd never get a thing accomplished as far as teaching Shakespeare or Milton. I contemplated dragging him by the ear but opted for the elbow.

Once Jesse was facing Mrs. Dunne he looked down at his feet.

"Jesse," she said turning stern all of a sudden, "It seems you forgot something today."

He looked up at her like he was confused.

"You forgot that you are in my fourth period class."

Now I was plenty mad at Jesse and so was Al but our mad was nothing compared to what would happen once Sam and Emma heard about this and especially with Emma in her current condition. And that is the first thing I brought up to Jesse.

"What is this going to do to Emma when she hears?"

The color drained from his face.

"Jimmy, you can't tell her," he said begging me, "She can't have stress right now. The doctor said at her age it's more dangerous. I'm sorry. I really am Mrs. Dunne. Please don't tell my parents. My mom's going to have a baby and it's risky. I won't miss class ever again. I'll do extra work. I'll do anything. Please."

He was actually starting to cry. I let Al handle Jesse and I pulled Mrs. Dunne aside.

"James Hickok," I said shaking her hand, "I was Jesse's social worker. He's been through a lot. I can't go into it all but I got him into a good home with a family that loves him. He's not lying. Emma's his mom now and she is expecting and it is a risky pregnancy. If he ever thought anything he did caused harm to that woman we might lose him entirely. Load him up with work and he'll do it."

"I have an assignment in mind that we'll call a makeup assignment for missing the class."

"Thank you," I said, "Emma was mom to me too."

"What's the story on Mr. Hunter there?" she asked and what I thought I saw in her eyes earlier was definitely there.

"Widowed," I said, "And from the looks of it, interested."

"I know the interested part," she told me, "He asked me to dinner. A lady does have to be careful, you know."

"A lady and her reputation would be very safe with Al Hunter. He's a good man."

"I suppose I will just have to accept that dinner invitation then," she said smiling.

Yeah...she really needs to accept that dinner invitation.-J