I can't say I agreed with how he went about it but Uncle Eli's words to Rosemary had their desired effect. By the middle of March they were married and that made Emma happier than I'd seen her in a long time. Noah seemed to have less weighing him down as well. I think that his weariness had been less about things happening too fast and more about a certain thing not happening fast enough.

Joanie seemed a little happier once those two were married as well. She was still having some nightmares though and it worried me. I'd ask her about them nearly every day and she would say she couldn't remember them. That seemed true too because she had a baffled look on her face that told me she knew the dream was bad just that she couldn't say exactly what had made it bad.

Al and Rachel got closer and Jesse was alright with that. No man, or boy for that matter, could begrudge any man being with a woman that looked like that. Rachel was beautiful and more important than that, she made Al happy. I think she hadn't been happy for some time herself. She was a widow and I got the idea there hadn't really been anyone since her husband died. Seemed kind of perfect that they found each other and had such an immediate connection. I still think he was being a gentleman but they were spending an awful lot of time together, not that it was my business at all. With all that man did for me, I was the loudest in his cheering section when he took up with her. She was a good woman too.

I still got letters from Kid and also from Lou and Theresa letting me know how they was faring. It was hard to be so far from them but I tried to write a decent amount back. It was the most I could do as far as taking care of them while he was away. We sort of just moved through life for a while. Nothing incredibly good happened but nothing terrible happened either. Billy was still stuck doing what he thought were silly stories and Sherry was still proud of him although he felt she deserved someone with more serious credentials. I found it kind of amusing in a way but then there was a serious aspect that Billy wasn't seeing. The longer he put off asking her or even broaching the subject of a serious relationship like marriage, the more she thought it was because he was unsure and the more she suspected that their days together were numbered. I think it hurt her a little but then she spent a lot of time bracing herself for what she saw as the inevitable end of them. All of the work that he had done in getting her to open herself up to him was about to be lost and he wasn't even aware of it. He was too stuck on trying to be what he thought she deserved.

I was still working and going to school and so was Joanie. It was a rut we sort of fell into. I'll grant you it was a rigorous rut but it's the kind you can handle when you're young. I sure don't envy anyone having to do it when they are older. By April Emma was big as a bus though I would have never said that to her face. She wasn't quite confined to bed but her doctor wasn't too happy with her on her feet very much. I was so proud of Jesse and how he looked out for her. Sam I expected it of and he was terrific about fetching whatever she needed and even cooking a little here and there but it was Jesse who took over most of the household chores just to make sure Emma wouldn't be tempted to get up and do them. As for Sunday dinner well, there were less of those as we all sort of wanted to make sure Emma didn't strain herself. Most times we all found somewhere else to be and the times we did come over, Sherry and Joanie and the other girls set to cooking the meal. I know it about drove Emma nuts just sitting and not being able to do much more than peel potatoes but there was no way anyone was taking a chance with that woman's happiness. A woman loses a child and she'll go to the very brink of madness, more than that and you risk her never coming back. Emma was a tough lady but I still didn't even want to entertain the thought of anything threatening her miracle. We kept her off her feet and from overexerting herself and somewhere in the middle of May I got a call in the middle of the night.

"Jimmy?"

"Jesse, what's wrong?" I asked frantically, "Are you okay? Is it Emma?"

"I think it's okay," he said sounding awful shaky, "We're at the hospital with her now. I think the baby's coming."

I almost laughed in relief. Her due date was pretty much any day at that point in time so of course the baby was coming. It didn't mean I wasn't still a little worried for her but it's not like it was too soon or anything so that part was good. I didn't hear her get up but I felt Joanie's arms slide around me. A phone call in the middle of the night was always a cause for some concern.

"We'll be right there," I told Jesse before hanging up.

"We'll be right where?" asked Joanie sounding worried. I filled her in and the worry left her. Women handle these things far better than men do.

We got to the hospital and found Sam and Jesse pacing madly in the waiting room. Jesse actually hugged me when I walked in. He didn't do that too much once he got settled good with Sam and Emma. I know he was plenty worried and I know I was too. Women still to this day die in childbirth and that kind of thing scares men half to death.

We paced and worried for a couple hours before a doctor found his way to the waiting room and told us it was a girl. I felt Jesse relax against me. Poor kid, as much as he and Sam had bonded I know Jesse was still worried that if Sam had a son of his own then he wouldn't have as much use for Jesse. But he knew Sarah Jean could never threaten his place in Sam's heart. In fact, I think Jesse loved little Sarah as much as Emma and Sam did. His little sister was a joy to him and the heart that emerged in that boy after that little girl was born astounded even me. I wanted to believe it was in him and I told people it was but seeing how he cared for her and protected her and became the model big brother to her was a sight to behold.

Joanie was so happy for Emma but then there was that same old sadness that crept in every time someone she knew had a baby while she still didn't and then there was still something else. I just couldn't take it anymore and had to try to get her to open up to me.

It was in June and we were finally free of classes for the summer and I was free from most of my work too. I had a couple of kids that knew how to get a hold of me. I never felt right telling a kid who really needed my help, 'Too bad, I'll be back in the office in September'. It just seemed wrong. But most of my days were free and Joanie was taking a pretty light workload at the firm too. So I took her for a picnic on Belle Isle. She was still clinging to me hard enough at night that I sometimes woke up with bruises on my ribs.

"Joanie," I started as we sat on the blanket after we had finished eating. "I know something's upsetting you and I can't help but feel like it's me and I should know what I've done but I don't. Please talk to me."

"You haven't done anything wrong, James," she said and I could tell she was trying to leave it at that but I couldn't let her.

"Honey, there is something wrong. I know you say you can't remember the nightmares but they are scaring you half to death."

"All I know is that I wake up scared that you won't be there," she said, "I try to tell myself that I'm being silly but I can't shake it."

"I will always be there," I assured her, "You know I will."

"I know," she said and I watched a tear slide down her cheek. "I can't even tell you why I fear it but that's what I feel. That something or someone will take you from me."

"Joanie, with you is the only place I know how to be."

She hugged me tight and I could tell the fear was still there. I worked hard after that to give her that little bit of extra attention whenever I could. I learned how to cook more so she wouldn't have to as much. I tried to keep the apartment neater so she wasn't always picking my socks and underwear up off the floor. I took her out to dinner every so often and made sure to point out all the men looking at me with envy. And, not like I really ever had before, but I never passed up a chance to kiss her or hold her or drag her off to the bedroom. It's not like that was asking a whole lot of me either. I loved that woman more than I ever thought I could love anyone or anything and there's nothing wrong with trying to show it more. Things seemed to even go better for a while too. She quit gripping me so tight and by the time Lou and the kids got into Michigan things felt almost back to normal.

It was so good to see Lou and Theresa and the boys too. Lou had lost some weight she really couldn't afford to lose but I really think a lot of that was doing everything herself. Theresa helped of course but Lou wouldn't let that girl let her studies slide and she was in school most of the day as well so that left Lou almost alone taking care of two young boys. That's a lot of work right there. I know her worry for her husband was a big part of things too so I set to doing what I could to take her mind a little off of that for a bit. It was good for a while for her to spend time with Emma and Sarah Jean and Joanie and me gave her a day off one day while we took Theresa, Bobby and Jack to the zoo along with Buck's and Ike's kids. I was double checking that Joanie wasn't missing any of those little pills for a while after that. It wasn't that I didn't want kids but we was corralling six kids under school age around a zoo. Theresa was a real big help. Her brothers minded her pretty good and Lisa nearly worshipped her and Karen stuck to Lisa like glue so if Lisa thought Theresa was the coolest kid ever then Karen did too. Greg wasn't even walking so he was the easiest in the bunch to take care of and we already knew all the animal signs from the other times we took Timmy there. Bobby and Jack were learning a lot of signs too. It's so much easier for kids to pick that stuff up. They are just programmed to absorb everything.

It was still a lot of fun to take the kids and Lou looked amazing when we got back to Emma's. She had been just sitting and sipping tea with Carol, Annie and Emma and the only child any of them needed to tend to was little Sarah Jean who was still young enough to sleep a good deal of the time. It seemed all Lou had been needing was the love of her family and a few minutes to herself every now and then.

Now it seems that just when you get one person all squared away and settled someone else has a crisis. That's just how families go and sometimes you aren't even lucky enough to have them take turns with their crises. I was starting to feel good about Lou and how she was doing when I got a call one morning from Judy.

"Hey short stuff," I said into the receiver, "I'll get your sister."

"Jimmy," she said quickly, "It was you I wanted to talk to."

"Something wrong?" I asked her.

"Kind of," she told me softly, "Can we meet somewhere?"

I made arrangements to meet her at a little place with a soda fountain. Now that's something I miss—soda fountains. Kids today don't understand the concept. Anyway, we met up and ordered a couple chocolate ice cream sodas. I could tell something was eating at the kid and she wasn't the type who appreciated anyone tiptoeing around her.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Do you think Daddy would be terribly upset if I didn't go to Yale?"

"Now why don't you want to go to Yale?"I asked, "It's a big accomplishment to get into a school like that."

"I know and I know Daddy was so proud that his little girl was going to Yale but I just don't think it's right for me, you know?"

"Are you nervous about going that far away from home?" I asked trying to think why she would try to get out of this.

"It's not that at all," she replied.

"Surely you can't be intimidated by the classes."

"A little but I'm pretty sure I could handle them," she said and I knew that it was something else and she knew what it was but didn't want to say.

"Out with it," I said knowing that she needed to talk or she wouldn't have called me in the first place. She cocked her head to one side and seemed to think for a moment before looking back to her soda like it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen in her life and just played with her straw swirling it in the whipped cream on the top.

"Do you know why I even applied there in the first place?" she asked.

I didn't know for sure but I had an idea, "Dan?"

"Yeah," she said looking embarrassed, "Don't tell Joanie how pathetic I am that I was going to choose my school to be close to some guy."

"He's not just some guy," I reminded her, "He's a guy you really like and it seemed he really liked you too."

"Yeah, well, now he likes Michelle an awful lot," she said with bitterness that a girl fresh from high school shouldn't know yet. "Michelle who has straight blonde hair and legs that go on forever and looks like she just walked off the cover of Vogue Magazine."

I honestly thought she might cry. It made me kind of angry too.

"I shouldn't hate her," Judy said, "It's not her fault she's gorgeous and I can't even be mad at him. We weren't together and no one promised a thing. I never even told him I was applying to Yale. I just don't think I can be on the same campus knowing that somewhere there is Dan and he's with Michelle. I can't compete and I don't even really want to. I'm such an idiot, Jimmy."

"Idiot's don't get accepted to Ivy League schools," I told her.

"Entrance exams don't measure common sense," she said and I could see the bitterness and anger that had only moments before been reserved for Dan and his new girlfriend had now shifted toward herself. "The worst thing is what kind of opportunity am I now giving up just so I can avoid seeing Dan with his new beautiful girlfriend?"

"Where would you want to go to school if you're not going to Yale?" I asked changing the subject from her disdain for herself for a moment.

"Michigan," she answered.

"That's a damned fine school," I reminded her, "Your sister seems to have gotten a really good education there and she still is."

"What is Daddy going to say?"

"My guess is that it will be something to the effect that you need to do what makes you happy and that as long as his baby is happy then he is happy," I told her. Mr. Cohen was predictable like that.

"I feel like I'm letting them down over something that shouldn't be a consideration," she confessed, "How silly was it to think that if I was there that we would just go back to how things were last summer? Michelle's closer to his age too. I'll bet she's way more fun than I was."

She stressed the word 'fun' and I'll admit that I was relieved that she hadn't been all that much 'fun'. I know she was a big girl and not a baby and all that but it didn't change that I would have wanted to hunt Dan Shapiro down and belt him one if I thought he hadn't kept his hands—and the rest of himself—to himself.

"Now you know that's not why he's with her instead of you," I assured her hoping that what I was telling her was the truth because if I ever found out it wasn't I might have to teach him a lesson. I did warn him about ever hurting her. It doesn't pay to make a statement like that and then not follow through. "I'm sure the distance was part of it and then sometimes when people meet there is just a spark. We can't explain it. I guess it's a good thing there wasn't any girl stuck on me when I first caught sight of your sister. I would have broken someone's heart for sure."

"I know you're right," she said once again fascinated by watching the ice cream melt into the soda. "I still feel kind of dumb and hurt. I shouldn't feel that way, hurt I mean, but I do all the same."

"Unless I'm wrong, you fell in love with him," I told her, "If your first love doesn't work out, it can hurt something awful. Especially when he takes up with some shiksa."

That got a smile out of her and I knew she was going to be alright. I mean I knew it anyway but I knew that she was realizing she was going to be alright.

"How do I tell Daddy?"

"Tell him you think Michigan is a better fit," I said, "It's not a lie and there's nothing else required of you. Tell him you feel you'll be happier in Ann Arbor."

"If he blows up, can I call you to save me?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

That earned me a giggle and a kiss on the cheek. Yeah I always did love it when I could be the hero.

The next week Joanie and I drove Lou and the kids up to the cabin. The cabin might have been a little rustic but there wasn't much stress up there either. Joanie kept Jack entertained a good deal of the time and I taught Bobby how to fish. I'd gotten pretty good at it in the five years I'd been going up there. Theresa spent a lot of time swimming and looking for wildflowers. Lou was going to want to start keeping track of who saw that girl in a swim suit. She was thirteen and blossoming in a way that some would try to take advantage of.

I walked out of the cabin one day to find Lou sitting and reading a book but she wasn't really reading it, she was just staring at it and I could see her shoulders shaking. Joanie and Theresa had taken the boys for a hike through the woods to look for snakes and bugs and things. I had been heading out to gather up some wood for a fire that night so we could roast some marshmallows but instead I just pulled a chair up next to Lou.

"You okay, Lou?"

"I don't know," she said trying to dry her eyes as if I hadn't already seen the tears streaming there. "I started out thinking how happy I've been. Getting to see Emma and the new baby and the others and their kids and really getting a chance to get to know Sherry better and see her with Billy. All that has been so very nice and then how happy Bobby and Jack are up here running and playing and catching frogs and butterflies. Theresa isn't bogged down with trying to help me raise them. It makes me so happy to see them like this and then I got to thinking how much Kid would enjoy it too and then I just couldn't stop crying."

"He would love it here, wouldn't he?" I said and she nodded. "Well, when he gets back stateside we'll have to get him up here. I could stand a few days fishing with my best friend."

"It's bad where he is," she told me and I knew it was. Kid's letters didn't often mince words when he was writing me and I doubted they did to her either. He kept Emma a little more in the dark but then that made sense. "He's scared. He's not scared of much."

"He was scared when you told him you were expecting Bobby," I reminded her.

"Not really," she told me, "He was concerned that he wouldn't be able to provide for us. That's not the same as scared. He's really scared now. I don't think I've ever known him scared. I've never seen it or even heard it."

"I know," I said, "It was before you came along. When his dad was still around he was scared all the time. I get the same kind of letters you do and that's the only thing I can think of when I read them is he sounds just like he did when he knew a beating was waiting for him when he got home. I thought we left that fear behind us."

I heard my voice crack and I know that my eyes got moist. The times he saved me, the times he was there and held my hand, the times he reminded me I wasn't alone, not then, not ever; just knowing he was somewhere dark and scary and there was no one to hold his hand and no one to save him, I felt like a lousy friend. There was nothing I could do for my brother then and it was the most helpless I had ever felt. I pulled Lou to me more because I needed the comfort than to offer her any and we just cried against each other for a while. Joanie found us and I guess it was probably a good thing Theresa was convincing the boys of the merits of leaving the various creatures they had collected in or near their homes in the woods because those boys didn't need to see their mom crying like that right then.

I felt Joanie's hand on my back as she rubbed little circles there and then I saw her lean forward and kiss Lou's head before kissing mine.

"He'll be home soon," she whispered, "He'll be fine. You'll see."

We stayed there for a little while with Joanie leaned over stretching her arms around both of us, holding both of us close to her before we finally straightened up and dried our eyes. I could hear the kids heading back toward us and I could see that Lou was still wavering and hadn't quite gotten her typical brave face quite in place yet. Joanie, of course, saw it too and pulled Lou into the cabin to start scrounging up something for us to eat. I headed toward the kids and used their boundless kid energy to help me collect some firewood.

I wasn't planning on writing this chapter just yet but I can't control who talks or when. Jimmy and I haven't been on good terms for a few days which has been making things difficult in all my universes. So anyway, here is this and hopefully I can get working on my other little projects.-J