I got home that evening before Joanie but I didn't even think about cooking. I think she was contemplating being miffed at me for it and most nights she would have and should have. I was laying on the sofa with an arm over my eyes, still in the suit I wore to work mostly. I had gotten rid of the tie and jacket but I hadn't even taken my shoes off. Joanie peeked over the back of the couch. I heard her come in but just couldn't bring myself to move.

"James," she said and I could hear the annoyance in her voice. I wasn't even sure what she was about to get on me about. It might be having my feet on the couch with my shoes on or it might be just laying there and not at least tossing something in to cook for supper but when I moved my arm, whatever annoyance she had left her. I saw her hand fly to the star around her neck.

"What happened?" she asked in a near panic. It was a legitimate panic too. With all our friends and people we cared for and all their kids and then with Kid still in a jungle half a world away, well, the look I had on my face could hold some very bad news. It did too. I explained about Al calling me and what happened with Rachel and the baby. Joanie just crumbled. I know some of it was feeling guilty that she had envied Rachel for being pregnant but mostly she just felt so bad for Rachel and Al. It's horrible to hear of a baby dying and even worse when it's someone you love's baby. She was leaning on the back of the davenport and I just pulled her over and on top of me and held her. All the fear I felt earlier in the day about how I could lose her and all that came back. I couldn't hold her tight enough.

I guess things were okay after that. Keith was a cute little guy and I think seeing him helped the rest of us with our grief over little David who never got the chance to be cute and cuddly. Rachel and Al kind of kept to themselves and we all kind of let them. They had things to deal with.

Christmas rolled around and with it the huge get together at Emma's. Everyone was there but Al and Rachel. I was starting to think about heading over to their house when Al came in. I went over to see what was up since Rachel wasn't with him.

"She just couldn't do it," he said, "She can't be here with all these kids running around excited about Santa Claus and she sure can't look at Ike and Annie. It's killing her that she can't even be happy for them but she sees them and sees all she don't have that they do."

I nodded. I felt bad but I understood. Al stayed a while but not real long. I think his heart wasn't in making merry. I caught him as he was heading out the door and followed him onto the porch.

"You doing alright?" I asked.

"Sometimes I think I am but then I ain't sure I ought to be so I feel bad about that and other times I know I'm not alright."

"You know I'm around if you need to talk or something, right?"

"Yeah," he said, "I know that. I wish I knew what to say to Rachel. She wants to talk about trying again once the docs say it's safe. I don't know what to do. I wanted that baby more than I thought I could and I want a little one of my own. I do. I just don't know if I could risk anything happening to her again. You know she nearly died while they was trying to stop the pains? How can I want to ever put her in that danger again?"

"I don't know," I said, "Joanie wants to start trying soon and I don't even know if I can face that something could happen to her. But then I know how happy it would make her and I see the other guys with their little ones and I know that's what I want too."

We stood in silence for a little while watching the snow flutter down and hearing the jubilation from inside make its way onto the cold porch.

"Well, I guess I best be getting back," Al said shaking himself from his thoughts.

"Yeah," I said nodding back to the house where I knew I would be missed eventually. "You give Rachel my love, alright?"

He nodded and started to walk away but I put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"Merry Christmas, old man."

"Merry Christmas, Jimmy."

I guess things went to some kind of normal after Christmas. We went to the New Year's party and Judy had a new boyfriend. He was nice enough but I could tell it wouldn't last. I guess I was right too since I can't even remember the guy's name.

Joanie and I got home from the party and usually even if she was tired from dancing, she would be energized in a way too. The New Year always made her hopeful or something. But 1967 wasn't making her feel that way for some reason. She still cuddled close to me in the car on the way home and rested her head against my shoulder and that still had the power to make me feel like a king but there was something sad in her too. I know we had a rough year. We'd been dealing with Kid being gone and Lou and the kids getting adjusted and Jesse and Theresa were still together and as cute as ever. We'd seen friends in the joy of a new child and all the stresses that came with it and then seen the intense sadness when a child dies. And somewhere in there I had screwed up so royally that I thought I had lost her for good. I damn near did too. She had reasons to be sad but then she did every year. Everyone does if they look for them. Joanie didn't usually look for the sad things on New Year's though.

I watched her once we got home and she didn't even really look sad, more distracted. She hung up her coat and slipped off her heels and was starting to take out her earrings as she headed to the bedroom to change into her nightclothes. I don't think there had been five words between us since we left the party.

"Joanie," I began as I followed her into the bedroom untying my tie as I went. "You're so quiet tonight. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," she said absently as she removed bobby pins that had held her hair into some fancy style or another. "Could you unzip me?"

I did and she let her dress fall away and started to get out of her bra so she could put on her nightgown. She set to work getting her pantyhose off while I was hanging up my tux I had just gotten free of.

"Something's distracting you," I said, "You've got your brain all occupied with something. If you're not talking to me about it then it's either that I messed up and you're saving this stupid thing I've done to combine with the next time I tick you off or that whatever you're thinking of is something you think will make me upset in some way."

She smiled at me as she shoved her feet into her slippers and padded out of the room and toward the kitchen.

"I'm going to get some tea," she explained, "Would you like a cup?"

"It's one of those talks, huh?"

"It might be," she answered.

We took our tea into the living room and cuddled up on the couch. We hadn't taken down the Christmas tree yet and the lights were twinkling and were pretty much the only light in the room aside from what was coming in from streetlights outside.

I was about to speak up and ask her what was going on again. She often needed prodding but she spoke before I had the chance.

"I want a baby, James," she blurted out.

"I know and we'll have one," I assured her, "We'll have two or three if you want. Maybe more if it makes you happy."

"I want one now," she clarified, "Well, you know. I want to start trying now. Even if I got pregnant tonight, I would only be five months along when school got out."

She looked at me as if she was frightened. I don't know if she thought I would yell at her or what and frankly I didn't know what to say. But the tears were standing in her eyes and I had to say something. I thought for a second and then decided to just go with the truth.

"I'm scared, Joanie," I confessed, "I guess a little bit of me is scared of it being too hard on you and you putting too much pressure on yourself but I'm scared of other things too. I'm scared I can't do this. That I can't be someone's dad. I don't know how. I don't want to mess up some other innocent kid like I see the ones at school messed up. I see Sam with Jesse and he can teach him things I can't. I don't know how to throw a football. How the hell can I teach my son to throw a football when I don't know how?"

"I think there are more important things than throwing a football," she whispered, "And you might have a daughter. You are not your father. You will be better. You'll know how, you just will. You'll love a child like they never knew how to love you."

"Maybe that's true," I admitted, "But I'm scared I could lose you. I see what Al and Rachel are going through. She nearly died, Joanie. He could have lost her and the baby. It's bad enough David died but he could have lost her too. I couldn't go on without you, Joanie. I just couldn't. I am nothing without you. Things can go wrong and I'm afraid."

She shifted herself onto my lap and stroked my face and kissed my cheeks. I don't know which of us was crying harder right then.

"Oh my love," she said through her tears, "Everyone's scared. The only thing you just did was make me fall more in love with you and make me want your child even more."

"That wasn't quite what I was aiming for," I half laughed through the tears that were slowing down but not quite stopped.

"I know," she smiled at me, "I'm an expert at fear though, James. There is no right time to do something that scares you and putting it off for that fated right time only gives you longer to build up more fear. Remember the day you helped move me into the dorms?"

I nodded.

"I said I couldn't do it but you said I could. I didn't go in that day because you told me I could do it. I went in because I knew when I couldn't do it alone that I wouldn't have to. I had someone to turn to. You're never alone, James. And if someday I am gone, you'll get along because you won't have to do it alone."

"I think you're wrong there, Joanie," I said seriously, "I don't think I could manage without you. But I guess you're right about that other part though."

I pulled her tight to me and kissed her deep. I could feel her hands running under my t-shirt. I stood up and brought her with me before breaking the kiss and giving her the best smile I had which might've been decent since my body was starting to feel the effects of that kiss and her hands.

"Unless you have any objections, I think I will just head into the bedroom and make love to my wife."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea," she replied with her eyes twinkling.

Well these things take time and we didn't get pregnant right away. Isn't that funny how I talk about us like we both would've been pregnant? I know it was her but it was our baby we're talking about after all. Anyway, it didn't happen right away for us. But it did for someone else.

We got the news in February that Sherry was expecting. She looked terrified but then she was still finishing her thesis and had a lot on her plate. I think still she was happy about it. Billy was beaming but I could tell he was a little nervous too. I think every man is, especially at the first one. It's a big thing and we don't think about it near as much as women do when they're growing up. But somehow I figured he'd land on his feet. He had a real dad and mom anyway and he had Al and Emma too. It was Sherry I worried for a little bit more.

I found her sitting in the living room at Emma's looking out the front window at the snow.

"You doing alright?" I asked her.

"Sure," she said offering half a smile.

"That wasn't all that convincing."

"I'm a little sick feeling," she admitted, "That's normal, you know. And maybe I'm a little scared. I know I am being silly but I still feel a little scared."

"Not silly at all," I said, "I'm a little scared of this whole thing too and Joanie ain't even knocked up yet."

"I keep trying to still be mad at you for what you did with that terrible woman," she told me scowling, "But then I think you are too sweet sometimes and I just can't."

"I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me. I told Joanie the same thing."

"Remember I said once that I always thought you'd be there for me if I needed you?"

I nodded, "I would too. Just say the word."

"I'm kind of missing my brothers right now," she nearly whispered, "They can always just drag me into a hug and make me feel safe and like everything's going to be alright. Will does too but then I don't think he understands why I'm fearful. I could really use a big brother hug right now."

I just opened my arms to her and she fell into them. I hugged her tight and I don't know who was actually comforting who but we both got something out of this.

"Exactly what are you doing with my wife there, Jimmy?" Billy asked as he walked into the room.

"Sometimes a girl needs a brother," I told him without batting an eye, "And sometimes a guy needs a sister. Nothing more."

I released Sherry and began to walk away.

"I am happy for the two of you, you know. I really am. You two are going to be great at this and that kid is going to be cute for sure…as long as it takes after Mom."

I added the last part and dodged one of Emma's throw pillows as I headed to the kitchen to see what help Emma or Joanie or Lou might need. Sam had redone the basement and had a TV down there the guys could watch a game on. I guess these days we call that a man cave. I was the only guy upstairs except for Bill who'd come up to check on his wife. I think I mentioned that there was more to that man than met the eye at first. I was heading in the direction of the basement but I had to make sure the ladies were all set.

Joanie followed me to the landing just inside the back door and put a hand on my shoulder. I could see she was having a hard time and I knew why. I just turned to her and wrapped my arms around her and held her tight to me.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I said, "It's going to happen for us too. It will. You'll see."

"I know," she whispered, "Of all the people in the world, I don't want to be jealous or angry at her but I can't help it."

"It's okay," I repeated, "Aside from me or Judy, she's the one who'd most understand. She knows you as well as we do. It's alright."

Well it was alright because the very next month we found out Joanie was expecting. She was only about a month and a half gone right then but they had blood tests and such that they could tell. She was due about mid October and she was over the moon about it. I was terrified still but I had something I had to get working on about then. Joanie was about to graduate law school and I wanted to do something super special and her being pregnant made it an even more perfect time. So May rolled around and I knew she was close to graduating and she'd be taking her bar the very next month so I loaded her in the 'Vette one day. I never got rid of that car. A Corvette is a special vehicle, a work of art you might even say. I kept it in perfect working order and cherry condition. So the weather was nice and sunny and a perfect day for a ride so I suggested we go for one. I started on the streets we took to get over to Emma's for dinner.

Joanie had been talking for a while about getting a house and it was time really. I was working a good and steady job that was easily enough for us to have a house and live pretty well besides. Plus she was about to become a high powered lawyer. Well, there was a certain house that she'd always notice when we went over to Emma's. It was in a little nicer part of town and it was a decent sized house. I think you might call it Victorian but I had no idea then. It was old but had recently been restored as far as wiring and plumbing but you knew it still needed a coat of paint outside and probably in as well. Detroit was once called the Paris of the Midwest. In recent decades it's become more the Beirut and even then it wasn't as nice a place as it had probably been for our grandparents. So some of these nice old houses weren't in the best repair and with the trend to moving out to the suburbs, you could get a huge house in the city for less than a small house in the suburbs.

Anyway, every time we would drive by that house I could see Joanie's eyes lock onto it and a few months before she had noted out loud that it had a for sale sign in the yard. She only mentioned it the once but it was all she needed to. So this day I was playing like I was just driving with no real direction until we got near that house. I watched her face fall as she saw the sign out front now said 'sold' and I pulled up in the driveway.

"Why did you stop here?" she asked me. I didn't say anything at first. I just picked up her purse and fished around until I found her keys. I handed them to her and she knitted her brows together and just looked at me and then back to the key ring where she was fingering the ribbon I had tied around one key. "What does this key go to?"

I nodded to the house and said, "Why don't you see for yourself?"

I wasn't sure what all the look she gave me was about. It was happy and nearly crying and confused and I don't even know what. But she got out and walked to the front door. I was behind her a little ways. She tested the key in the lock and looked at me with tears streaming down her face when it turned.

"Happy graduation, Joanie," I said, "I am so proud of you. I hope you know that."

"You bought this house? It's really ours?"

"Yeah," I said, "I think it's more house than we need right now but we've got us a little start already on filling it up. It's got a nice yard out back. I could build a porch or deck thing like your folks have and maybe we could plant some flowers. The kitchen's huge and the dining room isn't part of the living room. I even have my own garage for when the car needs its oil changed or something."

She flew at me and wrapped herself around me and whispered low in my ear, "How about you show me where our bedroom is?"

Don't know many men would resist such an invite. We christened that house but good that night and then set to moving in and being free of the dinky apartment we'd been crammed into.

A couple of weeks went by and it was my birthday. Joanie had been real tight-lipped about her plans that year but that was alright. I figured with the end of law school and moving and the bar coming up that she hadn't had the time to do much. I was wrong.

We went over to Emma's and everyone was there. The only face missing was Kid and if she could have managed him being there I would never have asked for another birthday, Christmas or Chanukkah gift from anyone ever. But he still wasn't there. Everyone else was though. Ike and Annie and all three of their beautiful children, Buck and Carol and theirs, Jesse and Theresa beaming and holding hands. Lou with the boys. Billy and Sherry with her little belly bump. Emma, Sam and Sarah Jean and Al and Rachel. No one else got to know this that day because they were afraid to jinx it but she was pregnant. I prayed with all my might that this one would be okay and so would she. Uncle Eli and Aunt Naomi were there too and Mr. and Mrs. Cohen and Judy with whoever her boyfriend was at the time. Sometimes you realize how very rich you are. Emma cooked up a storm and Joanie made me a cake all decorated nice. There were lots of gifts for me and a card from Joanie. It was blank inside except for what she wrote.

"My dearest love, I will never be able to thank you for all you have done and all you have been to me. My law degree is as much yours as mine for I would never have managed it on my own. You are all I dreamed of when I dreamed of finding the perfect man and that's saying something because my own father set the bar pretty high. I have been planning this gift for a while. I didn't get you much for your graduation last year because I knew you weren't done, we weren't done until it all was finished. You do get a gift. It is at Al's garage waiting for you. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you. My heart, my soul will always be yours. Happy birthday, James. Love, Your Joanie."

I looked over to her and she took my hand and led me out so we could get to the garage and she could show me. Everyone else followed and I got the idea that a couple knew what I was going to find but most didn't. We walked in and there, in the first bay where we'd usually pull in a car to fix it was a motorcycle. Not just a motorcycle, it was a Triumph TR6 Trophy. It was the same as what Steve McQueen rode in The Great Escape. Joanie, like most women at the time I guess, had a little thing for Steve McQueen. He was the kind of man that men wanted to be and women wanted to be with. Across the seat was my old leather jacket and a pair of black leather gloves and hanging from one of the handlebars was a black helmet. Michigan was new to the helmet law but it was the law and Joanie told me once that law or not she would throw her body in front of the bike before I rode it with no helmet.

I had no words. I had mentioned once or twice wanting a motorcycle and the only response I had ever gotten from my wife was that they were dangerous. To think she had been planning for at least a year to get me one. I just stared blankly at her and she smiled as she walked toward me. She rose onto her toes and kissed me.

"Take it out for a ride," she said, "We'll be at Emma's still when you get back."

I pulled on the jacket and gloves and fastened the helmet under my chin. I gave her a wink before slinging a leg over the seat and starting it up. There isn't much to rival having that level of power between your legs. I waved as I pulled out of the driveway. It was freeing and wonderful. I know I said my Joanie was special but it was times like that I understood just how lucky I was to have her.

I love the story right where it is...things are going so well for everyone...too bad it's almost summer...some of you might not know the significance of summer 1967 but some do and you all will in time. As for the motorcycle...there is damn little more sexy than Jimmy wearing those leather gloves...I wondered how I could get a city boy in the mid 1960's to wear them and thought motorcycle...incidentally I have found pictures of one Josh Brolin on a Triumph motorcycle...HOT!

Also the stuff about Steve McQueen is true but I also wanted to use it because Josh Brolin actually got his name from the character Steve McQueen played in Wanted: Dead or Alive...a western series...so that connection was fun to make.-J