"Billy," I said, "I don't think I heard you right. Sounds like there's a lot of commotion around you. It sounded like you said Noah was dead."

"I'm sorry," he replied. "I tried…I…"

His voice trailed away.

"Are you sure?"

Okay it was a dumb question but I think at a time like that grasping at any hope you can is just human nature.

"Yeah," he said bitterly. "I'm sure."

"What the hell happened?" I demanded. I was running through the stages of grief pretty quick. "He was supposed to be safe with you."

"I told him…" his voice trailed off again. "I really don't want to talk about this now. Just…well, the cameras rolled and I tried to convince the station not to use the footage but…just be careful who watches the broadcast tonight. For sure do not let Sherry watch it. And make sure Michael's out of the room."

Now Michael was just shy of his second birthday then and he wouldn't have sat to watch the news for anything. But he liked to watch when Billy came on. He recognized him and it baffled and delighted him that Billy was somehow inside that little box. I understood. If he were to recognize his daddy in the box…well, that could get bad fast.

"How bad's the footage?"

"We're cutting him actually getting shot but it's still pretty bad," Billy answered.

"You up to trying to calm your wife down or should I?" I asked him. "Once she hears about this…"

There was no need to finish. She could play the strong stoic in every other part of her life but where her husband was concerned.

"I don't think I can be very reassuring right now," he said. "And especially not at a pay phone. I'll be home right after the six o'clock broadcast. Tell her I'll see her then. I'm headed back to the station now so she doesn't need to worry for me anymore."

"I'll talk to her," I assured him.

"Thanks, Jimmy. I owe you one."

I hung up and lifted my eyes from the receiver I had just set down to see Joanie's big brown eyes staring at me.

"What is it, my love?" she asked. "You look…I can't even describe it. But something's wrong, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Where's everyone else?"

"Jesse's out on the deck," she began ticking off everyone in the house. "Sherry's sitting on the rocker on the porch and Emma's getting Michael and Sarah Jean down for their naps."

"I'd rather not have to repeat news like this," I explained. "I'll get Jesse if you can get Sherry off the porch and then we can wait for Emma to come downstairs."

"How bad is it?"

"Bad."

We got everyone assembled and I gave them the news.

Joanie burst into tears, Emma let out a gasp and Sherry nearly started hyperventilating. Jesse just stood there with his arms to his side and his hands balling into fists over and over.

"Sherry," I said, starting with the one whose health was most fragile. "Billy's fine. I don't know what all happened but I don't think he was ever in any danger. He's back at the station by now, I would expect…or close enough to it to be safe as a kitten. He'll be home after the broadcast at six."

She still didn't look good and I turned to Emma who seemed to be holding it together the best of all of us. She would possibly break down eventually but I figured she would do it when she was alone or once it was just her and Sam.

"Emma, Joanie's got some tranquilizers in the medicine cabinet. They're mild and pretty safe. Could you get a couple for Sherry and see that she gets to bed. With any luck she'll sleep right through until her husband comes home."

"Not if I get to him first," growled Jesse. I grabbed his arm and pulled him as far from Sherry and Emma as I could.

"I get your anger," I told him. "I'm feeling it too and it's normal when we're grieving to get angry. But you cannot take it out on Billy. He's torn up something awful about this. He was very close to Noah too. He and Sherry have watched Michael many times. Noah was like a brother to him. You work your anger out but do it without hurting anyone who's already suffering."

"But he was supposed to keep him safe," Jesse lamented and actually let Joanie put an arm around him. "He was supposed to make sure he came home. What's Michael going to do now?"

Joanie spoke up then.

"Noah was a stubborn and proud man," she began. "Often those were fine qualities. He would not have made it into law school, let alone through it without them. But qualities like that can also be a fatal flaw."

Her voice cracked at that but she kept going.

"If Noah set his mind to something, Billy wouldn't have been able to stop him. As for Michael, Sam and Emma have legal rights to him now. I would expect Rosemary to fight it but they'll have the firm on their side and she won't find many who'll go against us. Daddy and Uncle Eli will argue it themselves if they have to in order to make sure that Michael stays where Noah wanted him. He's your new brother, Jesse. As sad as I am right now, I know that you'll love him and look after him like you do Sarah Jean. It's what Noah would want."

"I…I need to be alone," Jesse said sadly and before Joanie or I could say anything else or even think to say anything he headed for the back door. Joanie moved to go after him but I caught her arm.

"Let him go," I said. "He ain't heading out front so he can't get mixed up into anything. Let the boy have some space. He needs to try to make sense of this."

"How can we expect him to make sense of it when I can't?"

"I don't know, sweetheart. I just don't know."

We were alone in the living room then. Emma had taken Sherry upstairs and Jesse was out back. I found him later practicing his fastball against the oak in the yard. The tree wasn't any worse for wear so I guess it was a good way for him to work things out.

Joanie was crying and I couldn't hold it back any longer either. Noah and I…well, we were like brothers. I know people say things like that but we were. I loved him like I loved Kid and Billy and I wasn't sure how to deal with the news we'd gotten. I think a part of me was still hoping there was some mistake but the larger part knew there wasn't. I let go and I think Joanie was holding me up for a while. I just couldn't believe the man who'd been standing in my kitchen munching a bagel just that morning was gone from the world so quickly, so senselessly.

I sobbed and clung to Joanie. She was the only thing I felt I had right then that was certain. Everything else in my whole life felt so tenuous. It was worse than getting the news about Kid. At least with Kid, I still had a feeling he was alive somewhere. He might be going through hell but he was alive. Noah wasn't. Noah was gone. I couldn't hope to ever joke with him again. I would never feel my heart swell at the sight of him holding Michael.

My mind went to that day in August a few years earlier. We stood crowded together listening to a man who was undoubtedly heartbroken about what was happening in the city. That man never thought violence was the answer. If we could have lived in the world that Dr. King spoke of that day in Washington, Noah would still be alive and playing with his son.

I wasn't sure how we'd explain to someone so small that his daddy loved him but still wasn't ever coming home to him. He'd had a hard enough time understanding that his mommy and daddy didn't live together. He was entering the 'why' stage and I knew that through our pain we'd have to try to answer why daddy wasn't there an awful lot. I wasn't sure how I was going to look into those eyes—his father's eyes—and explain. The explaining was made all the harder by the fact that I didn't understand it myself. There was no reason for that man to be dead.

"You should rest, James," Joanie said stroking my cheek. "You've been so strong for all of us…you need to rest."

"But…the others," I said weakly. "I need to tell them. The other kids always watch for their Uncle Billy on the TV…they can't see this…it's going to be on the TV…"

"I'll call and talk to them," she assured me. "Do you need help up the stairs?"

Normally that would be an invitation and one I couldn't refuse but we were both hurting so bad…I just shook my head and headed wearily toward the stairs. I could hear Joanie pick up the phone and start to dial.

I wasn't sure I'd sleep when I rested my head on the pillow but I had a fan blowing on me and I guess the exhaustion of crying did me in. I woke up just before Sam got in. He had already heard and I could see it weighing heavily on him. Sam had always liked Noah and he knew that Emma thought of Noah as one of her informally adopted children.

We sat down to watch the news. Sherry was awake but none of us, including her, thought it was a good idea for her to watch. She stayed out back with the little ones. Emma wanted Jesse to as well and Jesse balked at the idea.

"You mind your mother now," Sam stated.

"Sam, I'm seventeen years old," Jesse countered and Sam gave in that quick. We often forget how old our kids are. And seventeen year old Jesse was a far cry from the frightened fourteen year old they had taken in.

Emma, Sam and Jesse sat close together on the couch trying to draw as much strength from one another as they could. Joanie sat on my lap and I held her tight to me. I ain't sure which of us was doing the comforting and which was being comforted.

Billy's segment led the broadcast. He stood there in front of that footage. Noah was laying there in the street, blood pooling around him and Billy had run to him. I couldn't take my eyes off of the sight of Billy kneeling on the trash strewn street cradling Noah's head to his chest. I could read his lips as he begged Noah to stay with him, to be alright. I saw the tears slide down his face when the body in his arms went limp.

To this day, I can't remember what Billy said when he was describing the scene for the viewers. I honestly don't even think I heard the words. But those images will never leave me.

Much later in the evening, everyone else had gone to bed except for me and Billy. We sat on the deck with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"What happened?" I asked finally. I had to know but, more important, I was pretty sure that Billy had to tell.

"We found her," he said. "She was screaming and ranting against the National Guard troops. I know they wouldn't have shot her but Noah couldn't be convinced. It wasn't just about Michael either. As much as she hurt him, part of him still loved her."

I nodded. I could tell that morning in how he'd referred to her as Rosie. He'd called her a good many things since their split but Rosie was something he had only called her when things was good. I ain't saying they was getting back together or anything but the worry he had made him realize he didn't hate her and probably he still loved her some.

"I told him to stay in the truck," Billy continued. "I told him that we'd get closer and I'd get out with the cameras and such so he'd look like part of the crew. He didn't listen though and jumped out and ran for her. 'Rosie,' he yelled. 'You got to come with me…for Michael.' She just kept ranting away that she was doing what she was doing for Michael so the world would be better for him. I heard the army guys yelling for him to get away from the lady. I'm sure they thought she was being attacked by some wild black man. He kept going toward her and that's when I heard the shots. He just dropped. It isn't at all like they show you in the movies where the force knocks you forward or backward. He just dropped. I ran for him. I guess you saw the rest."

I nodded.

"I thought I could keep him safe. I thought I could keep them both safe. I guess I got way too full of myself. I don't know how I am ever going to face that boy."

"As one of the best friends his father had," I said. "Michael will always know that his father wasn't alone when he died. You were there and you wept for him. He'll know you as a good man who tried to do something right in a very wrong situation. He will because that's what I see and that's what I'll tell him."

"Time will come when he won't even remember his old man," Billy said sadly. "He'll just be pictures and stories we tell him."

"I know. We'll just have to be sure to give him as much of his dad as we can."

I sipped at the whiskey and thought a bit more.

"What happened to Rosemary?"

"Oh she really went crazy after that," Billy replied. "It ain't my place to say it maybe but I think she might have been on something. Anyway, she started screaming at the army guys and calling them murderers. Then she pulled a gun out of her purse…I didn't know she had a gun, I swear. But she pulled it and pointed it at this National Guard guy who was coming to check on Noah and she pulled the trigger. Got him in the arm and then turned and fired at some police officers who were trying to take her into custody. Thank goodness for her, she missed them. She ran out of bullets and they arrested her. I'd say that there won't be a challenge coming from her for getting Michael. He should be able to stay with Emma and Sam without any fight at all."

"Unless she gets herself a good lawyer."

"Our cameras were still rolling, Jimmy," Billy pointed out. "We didn't air that part because it didn't have anything to do with the riots really. I agreed to turn over that part of the footage to the DA. She's going to prison, Jimmy. The best lawyer around can't get her entirely off, you know that."

So we rode out the rest of the riots in a fog of grief. By the weekend, the troops were gone and all that was left was cleaning up the mess. We all agreed it was safe enough for Jesse to take Theresa to a show. To Sir, With Love was still in the theatres and he took her to that even though I think they'd seen it already. It was really just about them spending some time together. Besides, that is a really good movie. I've seen it dozens of times and it never gets old.

Billy took Sherry back home and she looked okay for the first time in a week. Emma and Sam went home with Jesse and the little ones. It was a sad thing but I knew Michael would be taken care of and loved.

Buck and Carol took their kids back home and Ike and Annie got their house back. Al and Rachel headed home too. The house was fine, as was Emma and Sam's. But the garage was burnt to the ground. It was a sad thing to see. I know it took the wind out of Al's sails a little to see it. But he just took a deep breath and squared his shoulders and declared that this is what insurance was for and he would simply rebuild. His child would not know a quitter for a father.

A few days after things went as close to back to normal as they could, we buried Noah. His aunt came up from Chicago and we finally got to meet her. She thanked us all for being so good to him. I thanked her for being the one to raise him, to make him into the man he was.

It was hard with Michael for a while, for all of us. He would ask frequently when Daddy was coming home. In time he understood that Daddy wasn't coming back. I think he took it personal until he understood death a little better. In time, he got the whole story and I ain't sure if that made it better or worse but there comes a time when a man needs to know the truth. But I'm getting ahead of myself again, ain't I? Cut me some slack…I'm just an old man, after all.

So where was I? Oh yeah, the aftermath of the riots. Well, Sam was still trying to figure what happened at the Algiers. He wasn't making much progress and the way people was getting in his way, he was getting a bad feeling about who killed them men. I wish I could say that I doubted his suspicions but I was right there with him.

Not everything was sad and tragic though. As a reminder of how time and life march on no matter how wrong it sometimes seems for them to do so, early September brought the birth of William Frederick Cody, Jr. I think Billy felt a little guilty at first to be welcoming a new life after so much death and hardship on all of us, but I believe Little Billy's birth was just what we all needed. Sometimes we need that kick in the pants that reminds us that we're still breathing and if we're still breathing it's because we got a purpose. He sure was a cute little guy too.

I really wish Noah didn't have to die. I contemplated a few ways that this could go but if you ever see the racial breakdown of people who were killed in the riots, you would know it was Noah. Besides, his death is very important later on.

So...yeah...this is where we stand. I am so glad the stinking riots are over.-J