"Just look over your shoulder

I'll be there to give you all the love you need

And I'll be there, you can always count on me" - Reach Out, I'll be There - The Four Tops (Holland/Dozier/Holland)

The rest of that week was spent in negotiations with Sarah's lawyer. Not that I was really in the negotiations but Joanie and her dad and uncles were and they'd call me at work so I knew what was going on and could have some input. Dean was my son after all. I had no problem doing for him financially. I had medical and stuff through the school and I could add him and even paying Sarah some to help keep a roof over his head when he wasn't with me. But there was a bit of contention over custody. She didn't want to share him with me as much as she claimed at first. She kept him from me for eight years and I wouldn't let her keep him from me anymore.

Took most of the week to get an agreement together but we did it and after work on Friday I went out to the firm. Sarah was there and we got everything signed and notarized and official. Sarah and her lawyer left. I paid for her to have a lawyer. I didn't want to ever have her come back and say things weren't fair because I had representation and she didn't.

Anyway, Sarah had brought Dean to the law firm and she left him with me and I had him for the whole weekend. Uncle Eli was heading up the meeting so Mr. Cohen kept an eye on Dean. Once Sarah was gone, Mr. Cohen pulled me aside.

"My first grandson is a fine boy."

"You two hit it off then?"

"We did. Will you come sit with me in my office?"

I nodded but I guess I didn't feel like I could let my guard down completely. Before we got to his office, Dean came running up reaching for a hug. I crouched down and wrapped my arms around him.

"Hey buddy," I said. "Did you have a good time with your Zaydeh?"

"He's super nice, Dad."

"I need to talk to him for a minute. If you go find Joanie, she has some candy stashed in her desk."

He went off in search of her. I followed Mr. Cohen into his office.

I just looked at him. He didn't look mad but he definitely looked like a man with a lot on his mind.

"How is she doing?" he asked.

"She's been great," I answered. "I think it helps that she's pregnant. But actually she's happy. I was worried she'd think she had to be the perfect mom whenever he was with us. But she's happy to work as a team with me. I keep watch making sure she's not hiding feelings from me. We've had some good talks and she's been really open and honest with me. I think we'll get through this and be good for him."

"Have you spoken with Judy recently?"

"Monday," I told him. "Why? Is something wrong? We just mostly talked about Dean."

"I think someone needs to talk with her about school and her career plans. Maybe you could call her. This is your area of expertise."

I nodded.

"I didn't know Short Stuff was having problems."

Mr. Cohen looked strained.

"Not problems," he clarified. "I don't think she's happy with the choice she made with her major. I worry she's not admitting as much and…"

His voice trailed away but I understood.

"I'll talk to her," I promised. "I should probably be getting back to my wife and child."

"That phrase feels good, doesn't it?"

I just gave him that dopey smile I wore when I thought about Dean.

I was tucking Dean into bed that night and I hadn't even thought about a story to tell him yet but I had some other things I wanted to talk to him about.

"So, Dean," I began. "You didn't know you were meeting me when your mom brought you into the coffee shop, did you?"

He shook his head.

"Yeah, I didn't even know you existed before then."

His brow wrinkled and I realized she never told him that.

"Did she talk about me much?"

He shook his head again.

"Did you ever ask?"

"Couple times," he said. "But she got sad when I did so I didn't anymore."

"She say anything like I didn't want you?"

Dean nodded.

"Well, I do want you," I said. "I need you to know that. When you was born, I don't know how good a dad I would've been but I would've done all I could for you."

He just looked at me and I ran a hand through my hair and sighed.

"There's things I need you to know," I said gently. "My folks were terrible parents. I don't think they really loved me. I don't think they knew how to love anybody. I always swore I'd do better by my own kids. I think I worried that I might not know how but the instant I knew about you–right when I first laid eyes on you–I knew. I know I love you. This situation is confusing and maybe even scary but if you know nothing else for certain, know that I love you and I always will."

He wrapped his arms tight around me. I kissed the top of his head and hugged him right back. When he pulled back from me, I caught a glimmer of something in his eyes. Something familiar. Something concerning.

"There's one other thing I need you to know, buddy," I told him. "I am always here for you. No matter what. You need anything, you just call. I mean it too."

I don't know if he believed that at first but I proved it in time.

I had a promise to keep to Mr. Cohen and I figured how I could do that and sort of kill two birds with one stone. I invited Judy to Emma's for Sunday dinner.

I saw her parking and got Dean into his coat so we could wait for her on the porch. Her smile just got wider and wider as she got closer to us. She'd seen a picture so she knew who he was after all.

"Dean," I said. "This here's your Aunt Judy. She's Joanie's sister. Judy, this is my son, Dean."

She crouched down to him–not that it was that far down, mind you, she was pretty tiny.

"So you're the little scamp who's been making everyone so happy!" she exclaimed as she threw her arms around him.

Dean looked up at me like he didn't know what was going on but he hugged her back. I saw her whisper something in his ear which I was pretty sure was "I love you" and he smiled and hugged her tighter. I know it was a little overwhelming to him at times to have so many new people to keep track of but it's never a bad thing for a kid to have more people to love him and he was one loved little boy.

Once Judy finally let the boy go, I told him to go see what Bobby and Jack was up to. It was a full house that day so Lisa was there and Karen and Timmy too. He ran off into the house to find the other kids and I put an arm around Judy's shoulders.

"I hear you might need to talk through some stuff," I said. "It's going to be far too noisy in there. Al's place is unlocked and dinner won't be ready for another hour at least."

She nodded and I think looked angry but maybe sad and a little defeated too. I understood, kind of. I know she liked being the strong one and not being as needy as her sister. She never wanted Joanie to fear coming to her for anything and then I think that she was mad that maybe someone told me she was struggling with something.

"It's okay to need to talk and this is the kind of thing I do. Well, less now but it'll be fun to talk to someone I can actually help."

"You help all of your kids," Judy protested. "You maybe can't save them all like you did Jesse but you help them all."

I couldn't help the lump in my throat at that.

"I'm glad you're my sister," I said and I meant it too.

We got sat down in Al's living room and she just looked at me.

"What's with the resistance, Short Stuff? You know what we need to talk about."

"Who told you? Was it Joanie? I'll never trust her again!"

I sighed at that but I was glad that it hadn't been Joanie. Joanie hadn't uttered a word about her sister. You might think that violates our agreement to not keep secrets but it doesn't. People have to have someone to confide in and if Judy shared secrets with her sister then they weren't really Joanie's to share.

"It was your dad," I told her. She looked surprised. I chuckled a little at that.

"The only thing that matters to that man is the happiness of you and your sister," I answered even though she hadn't asked the question out loud. "You think he hasn't learned to tell when you're actually happy or just pretending? He knows you've got some reason you don't want to talk to him about it and thought you might talk to me. You chose a major, right?"

She nodded. I knew she had. She was a junior that year.

"History with an English minor and working on your secondary education certificate, if I'm not mistaken."

She confirmed that I was not mistaken. This was like pulling teeth but I was pretty sure I was figuring out what the problem was and why she was so hesitant to talk about it.

"You don't want to teach high school, do you?"

"I don't want to teach at all," she whispered.

I just nodded.

"Do you know what you do want to do?"

She shrugged. Yeah, she knew.

"So, you don't want to tell your father because this will mean you won't graduate when originally planned and it will cost more–and maybe you'll need grad school too and you're worried how he'll react. Have I won this weird game of twenty questions?"

Judy nodded and a couple tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Did I mention before that your father just wants you happy? Nothing else matters. Nothing. I might not've understood completely before but whatever makes that little boy you just met happy–doctor or ditch digger or anything in between–I will be happy and proud."

I watched her take that in but the tears didn't stop.

"I want to be a psychologist," she confessed through a hitching breath.

I smiled at her.

"Let me make sure I have this clear," I said. "You want to be the second Cohen child to get her doctorate and you thought your father would be upset?"

"Well, it just sounds stupid when you say it like that."

She sniffed and wiped her eyes but then laughed a little.

"Tomorrow you'll see about switching majors?"

She nodded and we got up and left Al's to head back to Emma's. I put my arm around her and she squeezed me tight while we walked.

"I'm glad you're my brother."

Sometime after we ate, my girl slid on up to me.

"Did you get my sister straightened out?"

"Oh yeah," I told her. "Easy peasy. She gets worried about the silliest things."

Joanie laughed.

"Unlike me who's the picture of rationality."

"I guess when you're talking fears and worries, rationality doesn't play a big part, does it?"

"I hate to do this to you right now," Joanie said and she was real hesitant. "You've already done big brother duty and you're pulling dad and uncle duty as well…"

"Do you need me to put on my doting husband cap?"

She shook her head.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "You've been great to me. But…Sherry's struggling. She won't say anything but…"

"Say no more," I said, kissing her forehead. I headed off to find Sherry.

I found her just sitting and looking out Emma's picture window at the bleak day. Bleak is about all you get in a Michigan winter. It's just grey and desolate–even in the city. I got the impression the landscape matched her mood right about then. I sat down on the couch next to her.

"Hey Sher," I said softly and I just wrapped her in a hug. I didn't know if she needed to talk but I figured I already knew why she was feeling down. I knew Emma was probably somewhere fussing over Little Billy and that was probably helpful but it didn't bring her husband to her and that's what she needed most of all. I couldn't do that for her either but I had been made to understand that I was damn good at big brother hugs and I knew that might help her a little.

It must've been the right thing because she just clung to me and cried. I felt her pull away from me mid-sob and she sort of nodded behind me. I looked to see Dean standing there. He looked a little like a deer caught in headlights. Obviously he had something to ask me or tell me or something but then there was this crying lady he'd only met that day and he probably wasn't sure he should interrupt.

"Hey buddy," I said softly. "What's up?"

He still looked unsure of saying anything.

"You remember your Aunt Sherry, right?"

He nodded and honestly I thought he was about to start crying.

"She's having a sad day," I explained to him. "You know how we watch the news and I point out my friend Bill to you?"

He nodded again and still looked like he felt like he shouldn't be there.

"This is Bill's wife. He's been gone a while now and she was just missing him extra today. It was their anniversary this week. It's hard to be away from someone you love like that. Sometimes Sherry here feels better with hugs. I was doing my best but maybe you might give it a try."

He nodded somberly and wrapped his arms tight around her. Kid had a good hug, I have to say that. I think it did heal her some to get that hug from him.

"Now, did you need something, son?"

"Can I go out and build a snowman with Bobby and Jack and the other kids?"

I smiled.

"Make sure you have your snow pants and everything on before you go out. It's below zero out there and I can't take you back to your mom with frostbite."

He smiled and ran off to get all his winter stuff on.

"I'm sorry," I said to Sherry. "I forgot until I was talking to Dean that it was your anniversary. I should have been in here sooner for you. Joanie had to tell me you were struggling."

"You've had enough to deal with lately," she said. "He's an amazing kid. He's going to be the best big brother to the baby."

About then I heard some ruckus in the dining room that seemed to be headed in our direction. I looked up to see Lou and Kid leading all the others and humming. Once they got into the living room, they motioned me to join them. Lou got the ball rolling.

"You got a smile so bright," she sang out and we all joined in. I might've forgotten about their anniversary but the others didn't and, as it turned out, neither did Bill. We belted out that song at the top of our lungs and when we finished, Lou handed Sherry an envelope. In it was one of the tapes that Bill would make for her.

"You're under strict orders to listen to that when you are alone," Lou said smiling. "Those were Bill's instructions. Probably should make sure the baby's asleep too. I got the feeling that whatever he has to say is pretty private and only for mature listeners."

Sherry blushed. I don't know what was on that tape and it wasn't my business but I got the feeling that once she got the baby down for the night that whatever it was might make her feel like she almost got her husband back for a while.

Hello again, Jimmy wasn't alone there, I forgot about Sherry and Bill's anniversary too until he was talking to Dean. But of course Bill would have gotten a message to someone and a special tape for his girl. Pretty sure that tape was somewhat explicit but she is his wife so it's all good.

How are we feeling about Dean? About Judy? About psychologists? About desolate Michigan winters? About Joanie's pregnancy? Uncle Eli...the Vietnam War...the Red Wings chances this season...the Lions chances this season...anything. Seriously, what's on your mind? Until next time, you are loved! Kisses-J