(Continued...)

Same Old Lang Syne, Pt. IV.

Thursday and Friday were much of the same.

They'd start with breakfast, sharing the tasks of cooking and preparing the coffee before heading out to the terrace to eat. They'd enjoy the morning sun; the way the gentle rays warmed their skin as they took their time easing into the day. They'd keep conversation light, filling each other in on what they'd been up to over the past two decades. The kinds of stories you'd happily share with strangers at a party: nothing too deep. Around mid-morning - after Rick would regretfully have to admit he had put off his responsibilities for too long already - he would head to his office to begin working on his chapters.

Kate spent this time exploring: a walk along the beach; heading to town; picking up dinner ingredients from the market. After an hour or two she would head back to Rick's home, settle in on the daybed with a new book and read as Rick typed away. She made sure to keep him fed and hydrated, bringing him a sandwich and a cold bottle of water once it was clear he wasn't going to break out of his writing trance to do so himself.

By the early hours of the afternoon he was more than ready to call it quits for the day. They'd spend their afternoons much like they did their mornings: keeping conversation light and just basking in each other's presence. It was easy, comforting. And, apart from the hour when he'd step away to call his daughter, they spent the evenings joined at the hip. Something seemed to change the moment the sun went down, like the darkness could hide the cracks in their foundation. In the night they didn't feel quite as fragile. They would cook dinner together, laughing and dancing around the kitchen. Once they had enjoyed their meal, the dishes had been cleaned and packed away, they'd settle in on the couch to watch a movie or two. The hour was late by the time they finally retired to his room for the night but neither one of them were intent on sleeping.

On Saturday morning they awoke to the pitter patter of rain against the windows. Their newly formed 'routine' was quickly abandoned, replaced by a lazy day in bed.

A day of triple 's', Rick had so excitedly declared.

Sleep, sex and Seinfeld reruns.

Kate had no objections.

The hours passed quickly; the time spent together felt easy. They liked rainy days.

But Sunday brought back the sun; the obligation to get out of bed came along with it. They woke, prepared breakfast and ate on the terrace but as their conversation was beginning to wrap up and Rick was mentally preparing himself to get stuck into his writing, his phone began to ring.

"Uh, sorry: I have to take this." He excused himself and walked off into the backyard before answering the call.

Kate cleared the plates, washed and packed away the breakfast dishes and then went upstairs to get dressed for the day. The outdoors were calling to her, the warm sun on her skin too inviting to ignore. She pulled the simple black bikini from her luggage and tried it on. It had been a while since she last wore it - they hadn't had a beach vacation in years and she wasn't the type to spend her days off at the pool - but it still fit like a glove.

She grabbed one of the spare towels from under the bathroom vanity and sauntered downstairs to the pool. She tossed her towel over one of the sun loungers and dipped her toes into the water. The water was heated - just as Rick had promised days ago - but still cool enough to offer refreshment on such a warm day. But warmth was what she craved, not refreshment.

"-seriously?" She heard Rick's frustrated sigh in the distance and her attention drifted in the direction of the sound. He was pacing back and forth, his phone pressed to his ear as a hand scrubbed over his face.

Whatever he was discussing, she didn't feel right listening in.

She walked over to the hot tub and turned on the motor. The whir of the jets and babbling of the water sufficiently drowned out Rick's seemingly one-sided conversation.

She tied her hair back and slipped into the warming water, sighed as the pulsating streams massaged the muscles of her back. She closed her eyes and tried to avoid the temptation to keep an eye on Rick as he paced the green grass of his yard. Whoever was on the other end of the line, whatever they had been discussing, he didn't seem too pleased by it.

A part of her hoped he would tell her about the call; open up to her, let her into his world just a little bit. His real world, the world outside of the world they had created here: this hidden paradise where they were safe from everything that lurked just outside the boundaries of his property.

But another part of her knew that she was far from deserving of a place in his real world, that - even if he did let her in - she wouldn't know where to stand, how to act, what to do with her hands. She'd stand there awkwardly, on the outskirts of his life looking in. It would never be like this. It would never be like it was.

Maybe that was a good thing.

Maybe, in time, she would find her place.

Maybe this wasn't all just a waste of time. Or maybe it was.

She opened her eyes and looked around. She told herself she wasn't looking for him, but she was. It seemed, however, that he was gone. Inside, most likely. She cast her eyes downward, let herself get caught up in the motions of the moving water as her mind drifted.

In her mind she could see Rick lowering himself at his desk, powering up his computer and sighing as he got settled into another day of writing. She had enjoyed watching him work over the past few days; loved the way his brow furrowed and his tongue peeked out from between his lips as he concentrated, loved the wide smile that brightened his face as the words began to flow, loved the way he'd softly mouth his character's dialogue as he wrote it. Most of all, she loved the few moments when she would look up from her book to watch him only to find his eyes already on her.

The memory of his gaze on her sent a chill down her spine, just as it had in the moment. She would forever be haunted by his intensity; of that she was sure.

She hadn't even realised how much time had passed, not until she heard Rick - who sounded much closer than he had before - clear his throat.

Kate looked up from the bubbling water that had held her focus for God knows how long now. Rick was standing by the sun loungers wearing nothing but board shorts and a charming smile. A towel was slung casually over his shoulder and he held one hand behind his back.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Please do," she replied. "I could use the company."

He pulled the towel from his shoulder and tossed it on the lounger next to hers. Stepping closer to the hot tub, he pulled his hand from behind his back and held up two bottles of beer. "Beverage?"

"It's 11am."

Rick shrugged. "You're on vacation."

Vacation. Was that what they were going to call this?

But she played along. "You make a fair point."

He stepped over the edge of the tub and sighed as he sunk down into the warm, bubbling water before passing her the drink.

"Cheers," he said and they tapped the bottle necks together with a gentle clink!

She took a long sip; the coldness of the beer clashed against her overheated body as it slid down her throat. It was not her go-to choice, but it was refreshing nonetheless.

"Better than grape and guava soda," Rick commented as if he had read her mind.

Kate laughed. "Much better."

She watched as Rick set aside his bottle, closed his eyes, let his head hang back against the side of the hot tub as he took a moment to enjoy the sensations: the heat, the buoyancy, the pulsating water.

The scene before her seemed awfully familiar.

"What?" he asked, opening his eyes to look at her. He must have felt her eyes on him.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head gently.

She forced her eyes away from his, pressed the cold bottle of beer to her cheek to try and cool the flush of heat under her skin. When she looked back up his eyes were still on her; the blue of his irises had been darkened by whatever thoughts consumed his mind. She knew - without a doubt - that he was drawing the same parallels she had been.

"Do you remember-"

"Yes," she said with a smirk, cutting him off before he could finish his thought.

Enzo Auclair - one of the boys from their old 'inner circle' - had made quite the name for himself in their senior year for hosting some of the largest, most memorable parties of that year. His parents had moved to New York City just a few years earlier but a lot of their business dealings still took place in Canada. This meant that once a month - at least - Enzo would be left completely unsupervised for several days at a time (usually including the weekends). He wasn't a total cliche, partying the second the front door closed behind his unsuspecting parent's backs: most nights consisted of just spending some time hanging out with a select few friends. They'd order pizza for dinner, watch movies or play video games. In the warmer months they'd go swimming in the pool. And for the colder nights they had the hot tub.

One night, after just fifteen short minutes of relaxation, Enzo and the others had decided the early October breeze was too cool for them to be able to enjoy themselves. After an almost unanimous vote, they'd decided to go inside and play video games instead.

...

"We'll be in in just a minute," Rick told the rest of the group.

His voice was sweet like honey, oozed of an innocence that contradicted the way his hand had slowly inched up Kate's thigh.

They had always been the closest of the friendship group so wanting to spend a little extra time together, just the two of them, wasn't anything new. But their friends weren't blind to the changes taking place, to the shift that had happened over the summer. They weren't 'just friends' anymore and even though they had never said that out loud, all of their friends knew it to be true.

"Don't do it in my hot tub, Rodgers!" Enzo warned as he walked away.

The door had barely closed behind their friends when he grabbed her waist and took full advantage of the weightlessness the water provided, pulling her into his lap. Her knees hit the acrylic bench, one either side of his body, and she sunk down onto his lap.

"We can't do it in the hot tub, Rodgers," Kate repeated their friend's warning with a smirk.

"Wasn't planning on it, Beckett," he replied with just a hint of offence hidden in the playful tone.

Kate smiled, leaned in and kissed him softly, quickly. "So what was your plan?"

He wrapped his fingers around her wrists and pulled her arms until they looped around his neck before looping his own around her waist.

"Just this," he said with a smile. "My intentions are pure, I promise."

"Well," Kate drawled slowly as she leant forward to whisper in his ear. "I'm sure I can fix that."

"Oh, please do."

...

Back then - even though their every decision was backed by raging hormones and poor impulse control - nothing ever felt too fast or too slow. Every step of them had been at a perfectly suited pace. It was almost as if they could read each other's minds as they pushed their own boundaries and explored this uncharted territory: they knew exactly when to stop, where to draw those new lines in the sand. They understood - without saying a single word - when to slow down, when to push just that little bit further.

Somehow, they never pushed too far. She had never walked away from a new experience with Rick feeling any sense of regret. There was no doubt, no confusion, no negativity whatsoever. A stark contrast to the present day: everything felt so much more complicated.

"Still the hottest make out session of my life," Rick said with a smirk, pulling her from the memory.

Kate narrowed her eyes, not buying it for a second. "Neither one of us had any idea what we were doing."

"I was a teenage boy and you were-" Rick's gaze slowly drifted down, taking in the very familiar sight of Kate sitting across from him; scantly clad in swimwear with a slight rosy flush to her cheeks from the heat of the spa. He sighed. "You were everything to me, Kate. Besides, you were always a quick study. I think we figured it all out pretty easily."

She smiled, caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she allowed herself to get lost in the memories.

What she wouldn't give for it to be that easy again.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks back fondly."

"I have many fond memories from Enzo's parties," she stated. She placed her beer on the edge of the spa before gliding across the tub to sit beside Rick. "Remember the weekend his parents were in Quebec?"

"Ooh!" The memories lit up Rick's eyes - or maybe it was her hand on his knee - and he smiled. "The tree house."

"Mmhmm," Kate hummed.

Rick's eyes dropped to her lips - the gentle curve of her smile - and his tongue darted slightly out to wet his lips. "First time I ever got to second base."

She tilted her head, narrowed her eyes. "In eighth grade you bragged for a whole week about getting to second base with Angela Lowry at her birthday party," she said accusingly.

"I lied," he admitted. "Her friends dared us to do the whole 7 minutes in heaven thing but she didn't want to so we just talked. She was the one who said we made out and she was the one who started the rumour about, well, you know. I just went along with it. I was thirteen! As if I was going to admit to not getting to second base. I was a late bloomer, Kate. Believe it or not, you were actually a lot of my firsts."

Kate smiled. "Well, I'm honoured," she said, leaning in closer to him.

He leaned, too.

"The honour is all mine," he said before meeting her in the middle, touching his lips to hers.

Too quickly, the spark between them ignited and turned to wildfire. His hands gripped the bare skin of her waist as he pulled her into his lap, pulled her hips down to grind against his. Their bodies rocked in a practised and perfected rhythm as their minds teetered with thoughts of is this all we have? and what more could we ever need?

Rick pulled his lips from hers, blazed a hot trail of kisses down the column of her throat, relished in soft moans she just couldn't hold back.

But that question refused to leave her mind: what more could we ever need?

Nothing. Everything. And all that fell in between.

"I didn't think any of this through."

She whispered the words. She didn't want to say them at all but the need to confess was overwhelming. She had hoped he wouldn't hear; that the noise of the hot tub - the motor, the babbling water - and the love haze that seemed to cloud his mind whenever she was in his arms would keep him safe from the words that were so heavily laced with doubt that could have so easily been mistaken for regret.

But he pulled his lips from her skin and looked up at her with sorrowful blue eyes. He didn't question her: think what through? He knew.

"We can stop," he offered.

She shook her head. "I don't want to stop."

"Then what do you want, Kate?" He waited a beat, but when she didn't answer he spoke again. "What are we doing?"

She pressed a kiss to his lips. Then to his chin, then another to his jaw.

"I just want this to feel right."

Rick sighed. "I don't know what else I can do-"

"It's not you," she assured him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "It's all my fault."

"What do you mean?"

"I needed you," She whispered the tearful confession against his skin. "I wanted to call you, to tell you my whole world was falling apart because I knew you'd do everything you could to try and fix it for me."

Rick wrapped his arms around her, held her tight against himself as if her body against his was the only thing to stop his shattered heart from falling right out of his chest.

"Why didn't you?" he dared to ask.

Her breath stuttered against his neck, a soft sob escaped her.

"Kate-"

She shook her head, determined to push through. "You were Richard Castle," she said. "You had built this whole new life for yourself. I was terrified that I would reach out and-" She took a long, steadying breath before saying the words that had haunted her for so long. "And you wouldn't care about me anymore."

"I'll never not care about you, Kate," he insisted.

"I know." She combed her fingers through his hair, slicking the sort hairs back as they absorbed the water from her skin. "Everything could have been so different if I had just picked up the damn phone," she scolded herself. "We wouldn't have to play pretend that everything is fine."

"Is that what we're doing?" he asked. "Playing pretend?"

He had been determined to stay stupidly hopeful until the very end; but there was no denying the defeat in her eyes. For the first time in so long it seemed they were finally on the same page again: this was far too complicated for them to be able to dive right in and pick up where they had left off all those years ago, despite how much they both might want to. Playing pretend was exactly what they were doing - and they couldn't keep doing it forever.

"Can we just- can we pretend for just a little bit longer?" she asked him, almost pleading with him.

He brought his hand to her face, cupped her cheek as he contemplated his next move. A part of him wondered why they'd bother delaying the inevitable: rip the band-aid. Better to just get it over and done with. Another part of him wanted so desperately to cling to this faux world they had created.

So, instead of doing what he knew he probably should, he simply nodded.

He pulled her in and closed his lips over hers in a tender kiss. All of the love he had harboured for her all these years poured out of him and into her. This wouldn't be goodbye. Not for forever, not if he could help it.

"Just a little bit longer."

The hot tub's massaging jets mixed with the emotional and physical exhaustion of the morning had made it near impossible for him to stay awake but, after a much-needed doze, he woke feeling revitalized.

Rick rolled onto his side. Kate was beside him, on her side, facing the wall. The bedsheet was draped over her waist, her hair splayed messily over her bare back. He traced his finger down the ridges of her spine and watched the goosebumps form on her skin as she began to stir into consciousness.

His palm curved around her hip and he leant forward, pressed his lips to her shoulder.

"Kate," he whispered against her skin.

A soft, sleepy hum vibrated in the back of her throat telling him she was awake.

"I have to go back," he told her regretfully in between kisses.

She rolled over just enough to be able to look up at him with those big, beautiful eyes that could melt him into a puddle.

"I have a meeting with my publisher that I just can't push. I'll have to leave first thing in the morning. I'm sorry."

She shook her head and softly touched his face. "Don't be sorry," she said: gentle, but firm. She pulled him close, pressed a quick kiss to his lips."Is that what the phone call was about?"

Rick nodded.

"I've pulled you away from your life for too long."

"You can stay as long as you need," he assured her. "I'll leave my key. Ruby comes every second Wednesday to clean-"

"Rick," she cut off his words with the touch of her hand to his lips. She shook her head again. "I have to face reality sooner or later."

In that moment, that word - reality - hit them both pretty hard. They had both known that that was not what this was. This was an escape, a moment for them to play pretend and act out the life that they could have had, had they not made the decisions they did all those years ago.

It had been nice but it wasn't real.

Now it was time to go back to what was real. Now it was time to say goodbye.

Just one more night together, he thought.

He just hoped that this goodbye wouldn't be forever.

0525. She stood at the patio door and watched the beginnings of the morning sunrise, the golden band of light that peeked over the watery horizon.

"Last chance to go down and watch it from the beach," Rick said as he stepped into place behind her.

His arm snaked around her waist and she leant back against his body. Her eyes closed and she allowed herself a moment to savour it.

Just one short, bittersweet moment.

"We should go," she said regretfully. "Don't want to hit traffic."

Rick sighed when she pulled herself from his arms and dutifully followed her to his car.

Too soon, they were almost home.

A thick fog had cloaked the city, accompanied by a miserable drizzle of rain. It wasn't lost on them; the way the weather seemed to so accurately reflect the state of their emotions.

Rick pulled up to the curb outside of Kate's home and shut off the engine of his car. The silver Lexus in her driveway made his stomach churn as he stared at it, willing it to go away.

"I was going to walk you in," he said as he stared out the window. "I think I might give that a miss."

"Yeah," Kate sighed. "Might be a good idea."

Rick turned to look at Kate, offered a small smile.

She mustered all she had to smile back convincingly, but her stomach was in knots and her heart was racing.

"I don't know if I'm ready," she whispered.

Rick took her hand in his and turned to face out the window again.

"We can sit here as long as you need."

"Your meeting," she reminded him.

"It's fine," he said firmly. "As long as you need," he repeated.

Kate inhaled deeply, let the breath out slowly and then looked out the window toward her home.

The front door opened slowly and Will stepped out onto the porch.

"Or not," Kate grumbled.

The man looked over to the car, held his hand up: a hesitant wave to his wife.

Kate forced a smile, held up the hand not currently gripping too-tightly to Rick's and waved back.

"I don't really know the protocol here," Rick said once Kate's hand dropped back to her lap.

"Me neither." Kate sighed, hung her head back against the headrest as she gathered her thoughts. "I'll call you," she promised. "I have to figure a few things out, first. But once things have settled a bit... I'll call."

Rick looked down at Kate's hand, still joined with his. He wanted nothing more than to lift it to his face and press a reassuring kiss to her knuckles, to kiss her goodbye. But he couldn't, not with her soon-to-be ex-husband watching them. Instead, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I look forward to it."

"I want to thank you - again - for everything."

"It's not a problem, Kate. Seriously, anytime you need... well, anything. I'm here for you."

Kate nodded slowly. "I appreciate it."

With one final squeeze she slipped her hand from Rick's, grabbed her duffel bag of belongings and got out of the car.

Rick watched as she walked toward the gate. Will trotted down the porch steps to meet her there, opening the gate for her and taking the bag from her hands. They began to talk, both sets of eyes drifting toward the car before Kate slowly nodded her head - and Rick had never been more frustrated by his inability to accurately read lips - but when she smiled he felt sufficiently reassured that she was okay. Will wrapped an arm around Kate's waist, dropped a kiss to the top of her head and began to lead her toward their home.

Their home...

Rick swallowed the lump in his throat and forced his eyes away. He knew the animosity he felt toward this man was completely unwarranted - every little detail he had learned about Will Fischer had painted the most perfect picture of a wonderful man: a successful architect, a loving husband, a caring friend - and yet the fire in the very pit of his stomach just would not burn down.

Kate's voice echoed in the back of his mind: He signed the papers... didn't even question it.

We've both known for a long time now.

He just couldn't wrap his mind around it, around how you can have someone like Kate and so willingly give her up. How can you let her walk away without fighting for her? And then it dawned on him that that was exactly what he had done. That ring that had taunted him for so long had convinced him that he had tried; but he didn't try. He just watched as she drove right out of his life. Because he loved her and, at the time, it had been the right thing to do.

Just like Will. He had come into her life at a time when she needed someone. He had loved her, provided for her, given her the very best life she could have had. And now - because he loves her and it is the right thing to do - he was letting her go.

Rick looked back up toward the house; just in time to see Kate look back over her shoulder and wave goodbye before stepping inside, out of sight. And, as the door closed behind her, Rick smiled to himself. He shouldn't hate this man, shouldn't be filled with anger or jealousy when he thinks of the years they got to spend together. Given the greeting Kate was just welcomed home to, it seemed like Will was going to make an otherwise horrid situation relatively easy for her. Waiting for when things have settled down a bit didn't seem quite as daunting with that in mind.

Stupidly hopeful.

This goodbye wasn't forever.

Almost two months had passed; the hope he had felt that day was fading quicker than he cared to admit.

But eventually she called, just as she had promised.

They sat outside the small cafe near her precinct slowly sipping from the coffees they had ordered almost forty minutes earlier. Conversation had been easy, just like old times. They talked about his book - the one he had somehow managed to finish during their time together - after he had gifted her the advanced copy he had requested from his publisher. It was due to come out in just two weeks time. Still, she appreciated the gesture.

"Tell me about it?" she encouraged as she trailed her fingertips along the embossed title on the cover.

"Well, uh, it's about this totally bad-ass detective," he told her.

She looked up from the book in her hands and looked into his eyes, giving him a genuine smile. "I thought writing about me was too painful."

"Who said it was about you?" he returned quickly, with a smirk to ensure she knew he was only playing with her.

Because of course it was about her. They both knew it was about her.

"How egotistical of me," she chuckled. "Please, tell me more about this bad-ass detective."

"She is... smart. And beautiful. Very funny."

Kate hummed, intrigued by the possibilities this new character brought to Rick's fictional world.

"And she's incredible in bed," he added, earning him another chuckle from Kate. "So, yeah... maybe she's kind of based off you."

Kate rolled her eyes. "You don't say?"

"I guess writing you isn't as painful as it used to be," he confessed.

"I'm glad."

Rick watched as she took a long sip from her coffee.

The woman in front of him seemed different to the one he had spent five days with, hiding away from the rest of the world. This version of Kate seemed stronger, happier. She seemed more confident, more comfortable with herself.

He couldn't help but smile.

"What?" she asked, a nervous smile peeking from behind her mug.

Rick shook his head. "Nothing. You just- you look happy."

Kate placed her mug back on the table.

"I am," she agreed with his conclusion.

"Tell me about it?" he encouraged, mimicking her words. "What's new in the life of Katherine...?"

His voice trailed off as he realised he was unsure how exactly to finish that thought.

"Beckett," she filled in for him, a proud smile on her face. "I am officially divorced and living in a very small apartment in the city. It's not... home. But it's close to work and it will do until I find somewhere more permanent."

"Gotta start somewhere, right?"

"Right."

"And work?" he asked, pressing for more. "How is that going?"

Kate's smile brightened. "I'm thinking about taking the Captain's Exam," she announced.

"That's fantastic!" Rick cheered. "When?"

"I said I was thinking about it."

"Well, you should definitely do it. When is the exam?"

"The next one is in a month," she told him. "I'm not ready for that."

"Well," he drawled. "The next one then."

She smiled. "That's the plan. I think."

"No," Rick stated firmly, shaking his head. "Don't think, just do. You know you're ready... Captain Beckett."

She ducked her head and tried to hide her giggle behind her hand.

"And what about outside of work?" he asked more hesitantly than any of his other questions.

She understood the real question, the one that remained unspoken. A lout could happen - had happened - in the weeks that had passed since she last saw him.

"I have decent friends," she said with a sigh. "Better than decent, actually. I'm learning to- learning to let them in, to lean on them more."

"And how is that going?"

"Good," she answered: hesitant, but honest. "It is strange. But it helps."

"That's good."

Kate's eyes darted to the coffee in her hands. "I was hoping that maybe you could be one of those friends," she said quietly.

She risked a glance up at Rick, let out a sigh of relief when she saw his bright smile. But her relief was only temporary, replaced with wrecked nerves once she realised she had no idea where to go from here.

"We can't just... start fresh."

"I know," he agreed.

"But we tried the whole picking up where we left off thing and it wasn't going to work."

"We aren't the same people we used to be," he added.

Kate waited for him to offer some sort of a solution, one that she obviously couldn't come up with, but he remained silent.

"So..." she drawled, encouraging him to speak. He didn't. "Where do we start?"

Rick shrugged and Kate sighed.

"You're not helpful," she complained, drawing a hearty chuckle from Rick.

"We start right here, I guess."

"Right here?"

"Mhmm," Rick hummed. "Coffee. Once a week, maybe? Or more... less... whatever suits."

"Coffee," she repeated the suggestion.

"Just a catch up between old friends. We can talk about the old times, get to know the new us. Just take it one coffee at a time."

Kate watched as Rick lifted his coffee to his lips and took a long, slow sip. She smiled and nodded slowly.

"I'd like that."

A/N: And there we have it...

I know this leaves the story fairly open-ended but I never really planned on even taking it this far. I felt this ending left Rick and Kate in a good place, both in their individual lives and with a refreshed sense of hope for a future together. Whether that is as friends, lovers, whatever - well, that is up to you!

Maybe one day I will revisit this AU world but for now I am happy to leave them here: happy and looking toward the future rather than back at the past.

I hope this doesn't leave you too dissatisfied. As always, feedback is always appreciated.

Thanks everyone who is still with me! xx