Virgil felt bad.

This wasn't unusual, of course. Being the embodiment of anxiety rarely felt good, but some days were better and some days were worse.

Today was worse.

Deceit- No, Janus was apparently back to stay, and he felt a lot of things about that fact, most of them unpleasant. He'd been burned once, and if anxiety didn't even need a reason to act up, having one made it a guarantee.

As far as interpersonal relationships went, Virgil wasn't very good at them, he knew this. He always managed to do or say the wrong thing, and everyone always had to spend so much time and care to prevent him from spiralling, regardless of their own problems. He was a lot, he knew this. But he thought that maybe his new family might actually take the time to hear him out, or at least consider his warnings.

Remus was Remus. He tended to freak Virgil out by virtue of existing and he was pretty sure they'd both made peace with this. Everytime black and green popped up, Virgil would get irritable or leave altogether. Remus never seemed to mind, and he cared in his own way. Virgil had never really been mad at him in the first place, even if Remus wasn't his favorite side.

The thing about Deceit- Janus- Self Preservation, whatever you wanted to call him, was that he had one singular agenda: Make sure Thomas gets what he needs and then what he wants, regardless of who he has to cut through to do it. And so, once upon a time, Virgil ended up with a knife in his back.

They had been close. They had been really close. Virgil… didn't want to examine those feelings too much. He probably should, but he couldn't do that alone and he didn't really want to do it with anyone else either, so… That was that.

Virgil had never really wanted to leave his first family. Janus managed Remus and him just fine, they could exist pretty peacefully together. And whenever something happening to Thomas would make Virgil freak out, Janus would have Thomas lie it away.

And while most of Remus's ideas could keep Virgil up for weeks on end, he could be directed to what-ifs that were far more comforting, in a messed up kind of way. What if they were powerful? What if Thomas was powerful? Roman's power daydreams were probably far healthier, even if they weren't as satisfying, not that Virgil would ever admit any of this to anyone.

Janus had kept him safe and car- well Virgil had thought Janus cared for him. Maybe he had just craved it so badly and that was all a lie, too. Janus was good at giving people what they wanted whether it was real or not. It felt good at the time, but when the truth came out…

And that's why Virgil hated lies so much. They seem so safe at first, so helpful, but when they're inevitably exposed, everything comes crashing down and there's no guarantee you'll be able to find all the pieces to rebuild with. Plus, when you become a known liar, no one can trust anything you say, even if it's the truth. Even still…

Virgil's feelings were complicated. As much as he'd love to say he only hates Deceit- Janus, he really needed to get used to that again, he couldn't. That hate was born from something else. Something that had once been soft and warm and comforting, but now left him feeling angry, dejected, and in pain.

Now that Janus had been accepted by Thomas, Virgil would probably go back to being the villain. He'd never wanted to leave the 'dark' sides until long after he had been forced out, and now that he finally liked his position he was going to be forced out again. All because he knew what happened when you trusted the wrong person.

And he was so angry because he couldn't even really be angry about the right things! Whatever Janus had done to him, it was all in the name of Thomas's well being, and why should he be upset about that? They all wanted Thomas to be well, that was their jobs! And while they took different approaches to that same goal, often stepping on toes or being downright cruel to each other, none of the others had made it that personal. They all meant it when they said they cared about him.

But what if caring about him was no longer good for Thomas, just like before? What if it did become that personal? And just what was Janus thinking, anyway? Virgil knew the 'dark' sides better than he'd like to admit, and as much as he just wanted to push Janus away, and actively did, he knew he had points.

He felt like he was just thinking himself into circles, which was just driving him crazy! The worst part of everything was that if you asked what he wanted, he couldn't tell you. He could say he wanted the snake gone, but that would just summon him because it was a lie. Maybe not exactly a lie, but it wasn't the truth. What he really wanted was a way to tell if Janus was telling the truth. He wanted to know if it had all been a lie. He wanted to know it wasn't going to happen again. And he wanted his friend back because despite everything, they'd had a lot of fun together and he still lo- cared- wanted- Whatever. So maybe he did know. He just didn't want to admit it.

Virgil wanted nothing more than to run to Patton, because even with all his anxieties, he knew Patton would always welcome him with open arms, but Patton was being guarded by Janus because he hadn't been taking care of himself. Janus was one hell of a nurse-maid, loathe as he was to admit. But that put Patton firmly in 'off-limits' territory.

Roman was just as upset as he was, but he felt like he might end up in a situation defending Janus if he tried to seek him out, and he really didn't want to do that. He hoped someone could be there for Roman, though. He'd always had an odd relationship with his brother, but maybe they could come together long enough… Virgil sighed. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Obviously Virgil wasn't about to seek out Remus or the remaining 'dark' side. That wouldn't help him at all. That left Logan, who was upset with pretty much everyone, understandably, but still understood Janus's whole deal. Maybe he could talk to Logan? Logan was always pretty good about easing his worries. Maybe a little later if he felt like he could leave his room… Yeah, maybe then. Until then he was going to take a nap and hope he woke up feeling better rather than worse, and hope he wouldn't dream of comfort in the form of six arms.