Helga G Pataki: Hillwood's New Superhero

by KlutzyMaiden123

As if my life hadn't already been difficult. I already had to watch the love of my life, Arnold, make goo-goo eyes at little Miss Perfect, Lila Sawyer, while completely ignoring me. Now, I have to juggle school, keeping my feelings for him secret and battling evil dressed in a skimpy bathing suit, all the while keeping my lifestyle as a superhero from my nosey classmates.

25. Same Old, Same Old

Arnold hadn't realised how long he had been staring until he could feel his phone rattling in his pocket. He jumped, feeling dizzy, and took the device from his pocket. He could feel his senses pressing against his eyes like tiny needles but ignored them to swipe his screen up to the text.

Today at 8:56pm

Grandpa: When will you be back home?

He could feel the guilt eating at him.

He had told his grandpa that he was only going out to play basketball with the guys. Once upon a time, that had been normal for him. Going out with his friends, playing and chatting until the moon rose high. It had never bothered his grandpa because that was normal for kids to do, and he trusted him. But lately, he had been cracking down on Arnold and expecting him to be back far earlier in the night.

For obvious reasons.

It had become a scary world, he had told him. Scarier than it had ever been. His grandpa had lived through many things—seen horrid things he never wished his grandson to witness—but this was different. Aliens, men in white suits, talking about wanting to take over the world, that wasn't normal. He hadn't made his mind up yet about Blue Jay—too many unanswered questions—but he had taken her word seriously when she had said people needed to turn their common sense up three notches.

It would probably kill him to find out his grandson wasn't out playing basketball like he had said.

Arnold was out, searching.

For Blue Jay.

He knew it was stupid—foolish. He shouldn't expect to find someone like her, but he couldn't help it. She made his head spin until he saw colours he had never experienced before. His chest would dissolve and collapse into a pool of sweltering heat that slid to the bottom of his stomach. He couldn't explain why he was so affected by her. I mean, aside from the very obvious. He wasn't blind, he obviously found her beautiful. She was beautiful, and strong and courageous. Whenever he thought of her, it burned a hole through his chest. But it wasn't like her team—team, he could hardly believe that there were more of them now; he briefly wondered if any more would pop up—weren't also that.

Lark was gorgeous and though Raven was a new edition, she had been caught a few times on camera and become a trending hashtag on twitter for days due to how fierce she was. They were obviously just as strong and as capable as Blue Jay was, but there was something specifically about their leader that kept his attention. Some had switched their fascination to the others, but his interests were pressed firmly onto her.

His mind brought him back to this morning, when someone had managed to capture a photo of Blue Jay. She had been handing a child to their weeping mother when someone must have called her name. She had turned to look past her shoulder and as her eyes had skimmed the crowds, the photo had been taken.

Thinking about it, Arnold swallowed.

She had been so beautiful.

The cold light had spun around her and as she had turned, it fanned across her curls. Her braid had been dishevelled and fallen down her shoulder. She mostly maintained a polite but guarded expression, but in that moment, in her surprise, her expression had become open. Blue was the stars burning in her stare. Her eyes were still hot and wild from the battle, but they no longer had that pressed look. It was like those crystal orbs had melted, if a little, but the light hadn't yet gone out. There was still a luminescent glow that made everything around him turn to nothing.

He couldn't describe it but when he looked at her, he became cold as ice while she stayed warm as a flame. She was just so dazzling, and it filled him with such hope that beckoned him toward her. He could imagine that a string had wrapped around and was pulling him after her. She was a contradiction, a puzzle he wanted to solve. She was seditious; there were laws that had to be obeyed but she went against every one of them.

Blue Jay was the most absurd thing in this town, and he loved watching every second of it.

"Sorry man," Gerald suddenly said from beside him. He looked up to see his best friend pressing him with an apologetic stare. "But any later and my ma's gonna have my ass on a platter."

It took Arnold a moment to remember his surroundings. He had sunk so far into his thoughts that he had completely lost sense of everything around him. The shadows nibbled from the corners of his vision. He looked around, to the radio softly playing a song he couldn't recognise, the air freshener that did nothing hanging from the mirror, down to the chocolate wrappers littering the dashboard.

He then turned to the camera in his lap. Disappointment popped like a blister, and he held in a breath so he wouldn't say something he might regret.

It was stupid, he told himself. It didn't matter. It meant nothing.

But when he pressed his fingers to the tabs, he could feel the soft pulses that throbbed in his mind. He let out a breath and felt the sigh tickling the hair around his brows.

Gerald watched him.

"We're gonna have to call it," he tried again.

Arnold didn't want it to bother him; it had been a long shot. He had known this when he had grabbed his jacket from the hook this morning. He had reminded himself not to get his hopes up as he doubled tied his shoelaces.

Don't expect much, he had been thinking over and over as the day had passed. Even if you somehow find her, what makes you think she'd even care about you?

"Dude?"

He opened the door and the sounds of gushing wind rung dry in his ears. Chills crawled up his arms and his head spun, but he got out anyway. It took him a second too long to realise that Gerald had been talking to him. He should respond, but the night air felt good on his skin.

He hadn't realised how hot he had been getting until he could feel moonbeams melting around him. Grass crunched beneath his feet as he moved forward, lifting his gaze to the skies. He wanted to calm himself down, but the air felt so dry. It was like everything had been dunked in chlorine and scrubbed until the stars were pale and colour leaked into the ground to press to his shoes.

Gerald didn't follow him, which he appreciated. He just needed a few minutes to recollect himself. Remind himself that he didn't care—shouldn't care.

He knew this was a possibility.

Arnold cast his gaze across Hillwood. They had crossed the city bridge to park at a spot that overlooked the city. The grass was tall here, he could feel it tickling his fingers. The wind swept the blades back until they resembled the water that glistened beneath the bridge like a tin roof. Watching it, he thought it resembled grey tea spilt across floorboards. The city was covered in shadows, but window lights burst out into an electric blast that fled into the night.

Normally, Arnold took photos of things like this. But right now, the thought made his heart clench because it wasn't what he wanted. His lips twisted and he turned his attention back to the water smacking against the rocks. Why did she make him act like this?

Arnold was no stranger to doing stupid things for girls, but he hadn't done something like this since he'd been a kid. He had a mind that was up in the clouds, but a rational body. He wouldn't do anything crazy or stupid. Even in recent years, it had mostly been reserved to sitting through hour long binges of shows that he personally didn't care about, but Lila was obsessed with. But now, he literally was chasing after someone that hadn't looked twice at him.

But he couldn't help it, she was literally a superhero.

Arnold, like many, had been raised to believe such people were fictional. They didn't exist in real life. People couldn't fly, or shoot lasers from their eyes, or lift buildings with their hands, and certainly couldn't blast magic from their palms. And yet, here she was, doing that. Well, most of that. Blue Jay wasn't just a hero, but she was a rebuttal—a denial to everything he had been told, every limitation that had been set on him. She was a wonder, a marvel, a contradiction. She walked a line between the clouds and stars; hidden from the world, she was a mystery, but when she came out, it left everything on fire.

She shouldn't be able to do what she could, but she did because she was a superhero and that was what superheroes did. He didn't know where she had come from, but he knew that she had taken down monsters three times her size in seconds. She flipped through the city on strings, walked from crumbling buildings without a bruise, and could move things with her mind.

He knew that there were others like Blue Jay, but he also knew that Blue Jay was like no one else.

She mostly kept to the shadows but lately, she had been making more appearances—her and Raven. They had been arriving seconds after an attack rather than minutes. Arnold didn't know when it had begun, but he couldn't help wondering if something had happened to cause this change. He had even overheard someone claiming they had seen Blue Jay a couple nights ago; supposedly, she had been watching the flat grey sea from the top of the bridge. But she had spotted them before they managed to capture a photo and quickly vanished. There had been no proof, but Arnold wanted to take his chances anyway.

They were stupidly small, but they were still there. He had hoped that maybe because he had already met her a few times, she might hold him a little differently. He knew he hadn't made a great first impression, but he had hoped that lately, time had softened her view of him.

But he knew that it was naïve. It was most likely that she didn't remember him. He was just an ordinary guy and she was . . .

His phone buzzed and he sighed but opened the text. He apologised then informed his grandpa that they were on their way back now. There wasn't a point in trying to chase her right now. Either that person had been lying about spotting her, or Blue Jay just wasn't out tonight.

It made sense, she had been out so much these past few weeks. It seemed fair that she have some time to herself, wherever that was.

But he stopped when his gaze caught onto a certain app. He clicked it without thinking and let out another sigh when he didn't see what he had been hoping for. Sure, he had notifications; dozens of his friends congratulating him on his latest shot and even alerts of newer people wishing to follow him. But he didn't recognise any of the usernames.

He clicked on Helga's profile to see that his request still hadn't been accepted. He didn't wish to be bothered by that. It wasn't a big deal, but it did sting a little. He still wasn't sure where he stood with Helga. They were closer than before but was that really saying much? Before, they hadn't spoken in years. Their worlds had become separate since middle school. It was nice to be talking to her, but it still felt like there was a distance wedged between them. He tried overcoming it, even acting like it wasn't there at some points, but it was no use—there was still a barrier that separated them.

They were friendly but not quite friends.

But he wanted to be. He wanted to call Helga a friend, like he would call Lila, or Gerald, or Phoebe. He wanted to be close with her, but she wouldn't let him.

These past two weeks had become even more radio silent; Rhonda and Helga had been temporarily suspended until their parents had meetings with the school. He had found this out through Lila who also explained that since their meetings occurred last Friday, they should be back tomorrow. He would have preferred hearing it from Helga herself but nonetheless, he was glad.

School had quickly become normal again—before normal. Before anything had gotten wild, before superheroes and villains, before there were whispers and before Helga had come crashing back into his world. He hadn't realised how much everything seemed to change until she had left again. Things rushed around him, blasting at full volume and at first, it had been overwhelming but he had since gotten used to it. He had even began liking it. But without Helga, everything came back to a crashing halt that no longer settled him.

He hadn't realised how used to her he had become. She was confusing; she was nonsensical. She still had mood swings that left his mind spinning, trying to figure out what he had done to upset her in such little time. She confused him; she frustrated him; she left him so flustered he didn't know what else to do. But it was a rush that oddly felt nice and without it, everything seemed a little emptier.

He had been hoping that she would at least accept his request so they could keep in touch. But she never did. He worried that he had been misreading the signs and maybe, Helga really had no interest in becoming his friend. It's not like she had ever really opened up to him. Something was going on with her, but whatever it was, she wouldn't budge and stayed at an arm's length away from him. She didn't need him. She had Lila. And she seemed perfectly fine with this arrangement. He tried not to let it sting. If Helga didn't want to be his friend, there wasn't much he could do about it. It was her choice. But then, why would she go out with him to take photos? She had been a little awkward at first, but it seemed like she had been having fun. She had laughed, shoved him and teased him, like all his friends would. Surely, if she didn't care about him, she would have turned him down, right?

But then again, Helga had always been a wonder to Arnold. He couldn't even pretend to know the thoughts that went through that girl's head because the times he tried, he was wrong.

She was wild, he decided. She tried hiding it, but it was the one thing she could never control. There was something that stirred in her, something fierce. He knew there was a fire in her that wanted to burst and dash into the clouds. There was more to Helga Pataki than she let on, good and bad, but all dazzling. She didn't realise it herself, but she was going to make her mark on this world.

"Arnold?"

He looked over his shoulder.

Gerald had hopped out from the car to peek over his door at him.

Arnold forced a smile. "Yeah, dude, o'course."

But Gerald saw through it. "I'm sure she's just busy, man. All of them. They are superheroes. Probably out doing superhero things."

It made him chuckle.

"Yeah," he glanced to the moon. It brimmed with silver light that fanned out like satin sheets. "I'm sure she's . . . doing something really important."

---

The princess was smirking at me.

I wanted to ignore it so I could focus on the task at hand—it's not like it was a rare occurrence when she was making such a frustratingly teasing expression at me—but it was no use. She was smirking at me and it was pissing me off.

I wanted to wipe the smug look from her face. It was so tempting; just one knock to the face and then bam! the problem was gone. But no, I couldn't do that because that would count as a 'foul'. It would count as a foul which would mean that I cheated which would mean that I would lose.

To her.

I lowered my eyes to our hands.

Our palms were smacked together, fingers clasped tight around the knuckles, and our elbows were propped on the boulder we were crouched over. You see, a little earlier, we had gone back to that arm–wrestling debate. Don't ask me how, I could never remember my conversations with Rhonda, or at least how they unfolded. I only knew they often left me angry. So angry that hell yeah, of course, I'll take you up on that arm wrestling contest. And I'll win cause I'm Blue Jay and Blue Jay was the best Guardian.

Yeah, I know, it was stupid. But I just hated that look on her face. Someone had to put the princess back in her place.

"Whoooooo! You totally have this!" I could hear Lark cheering from the side. I didn't turn to look, but I could basically hear her pumping her fists into the air as she bounced on her toes.

I pressed my lips together to keep the screams at bay. I couldn't believe the amount of pain I was in right now. It felt like my arm was about to break off. My face had broken out into a sweat as I pressed my spare hand against the boulder. My fingers had become slippery but I tried gripping the edges to give myself the momentum to at least fight back. But nothing. No matter how much I tried, her hand stayed where it was. It was like pushing against a brick wall.

But the worst of it was that Raven barely looked like she was trying.

Her expression stayed smooth, and she had since slumped forward over the boulder; not because she was invested, but because of how bored she seemed. She had one hand against mine, elbow on the boulder, and her other was rested beneath her jaw like she was in a boring lecture that almost soothed her to sleep. It was embarrassing, considering how rigid my own posture had become. Embarrassingly, a grunt released from my throat before I was even aware of it, which made her mouth lift higher in that annoying way. It made me want to punch stars. Not only were my efforts not doing the slightest bit of damage, but she was actually enjoying my pain.

I pushed again. "St–stupid bit—"

"C'mon Helga, you can do it!" Lark cheered. "You can't lose to someone who was wearing a skirt!"

Nel turned to her. "Weren't you wearing one before you transformed as well, Lila?"

Raven cocked a brow and shifted her attention to the redhead. "Thought you weren't picking sides."

"Technically, I'm not," Lark admitted with a shrug and tucked her hands behind her back. "I'm on both your teams."

"Oh?"

"You got this, Rhonda!"

Nel sighed. "I hope no one stumbles across this while you're insisting on using real names."

"Yeah, no kidding." Raven nodded.

I let out another choked noise that was so loud everyone turned their focus back onto me. I couldn't believe this; I could feel my face becoming flushed as my knees slid against the ground. It felt like I'd have an easier time lifting a bus with my pinkie than making Raven budge even a centimetre.

"I—I've totally got this, you—you big d–dummy," I forced out. It made Raven raise an eyebrow. I gave her the stink eye. If there was one thing certain about me, it was that I hated losing. It was humiliating. So, I made sure to hardly do it. "I'm j–j–just holding back, I don't wanna—wanna embarrass y—"

Wordlessly, Raven slammed my hand down onto the boulder. It produced a deafening crack that echoed into the trees and rung in my ears. The rock shuddered and a large chunk broke off before crashing into the ground.

Raven let go of my hand, punching her fists into the air, and I groaned, clutching onto my throbbing arm.

"Yes!" she cheered. Grinning, Lark slammed her palms against Raven's in a double high five. "I won!"

"Congratulations, Rhonda!"

I moaned from the ground, wanting to throw up. How did she get so strong? (That's a rhetorical question, by the way. Obviously, I know how she got so strong; I meant it more in a why did she get to be so strong while I was stuck with this subpar super strength? Also, while we were here, why did no one stop me from doing this?)

Lark gasped then slid down to my side. "Helga, are you alright?"

"Don't touch me, you traitor!"

"Yeah, Lila, it seems like her arm is a little . . . tender."

I would've taken the mature route and flipped her off, but I was currently in agony, so I settled for blowing a raspberry at her.

Nel cleared her throat. "I hope you both are proud of yourselves. Instead of training, you have wasted the night performing idiotic circus tricks."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, shuddup, you weren't stopping us."

"She wasn't encouraging us either."

I glared at Raven. "Shut up!"

She smirked. "Sore loser."

"Loser?!" I was on my feet in seconds. She watched in amusement as I marched towards her. "I am not a—rematch! I demand a rematch. Ow!"

"You sure?" Rhonda cocked her head in mock sympathy. "Your arm seems pretty sore."

"Yours will be worse when I—"

"Alright, ladies, time out," Lark stood between us with her arms stretched out. "Nel's right, half the night is gone, and we haven't even entered the training room."

I paused and wondered if she heard herself sometimes.

"You weren't complaining before either, y'know," I pointed out, turning away to touch my injured arm.

Lark shrugged. "I was curious as to who the winner would be."

"Me," Raven popped between us to gesture to herself. "It's me, by the way."

I groaned, rolling my head.

Looking back on it, it really did seem stupid for me to take Rhonda up on her little dare. Sure, I could've won, but if I lost—which technically, I didn't not do—then it would be giving a massive stroke to her ego. Something that she already had enough of. The last thing anyone needed was for Rhonda Wellington Lloyd feeling even more proud of herself.

I opened my mouth when Nel cleared her throat again. I glanced at her but seeing the look on her face, pressed my lips together and dropped my gaze to the ground.

Stick in the mud.

"Is it really that late, Nel?" Raven asked. She had dropped the teasing ring from her voice to address the cat.

"I'm afraid so," Nel nodded. "If you expect to get a good night's sleep, that is. It is a school night and the first time you both will be back in weeks."

I looked up. "Well—"

"No."

"But—"

"No, Helga. You've already spent more time half asleep in that school than awake," Nel scolded. "Not to mention that you'll be expected to be on even better behaviour than before. You were both very lucky that all they required was a mere suspension and a meeting between your parents."

"Don't remind us," we both groaned.

It hadn't exactly been the greatest first impression of our families. Miriam had come in with a stained dress cause she couldn't help spilling her drink down her front, and had gotten Rhonda and I mixed up several times. And Bob had spent the entire hour with a red face, fighting for the sake to fight, and yelling at anyone who would listen. Rhonda's parents—dressed in crisp suits—had mostly scoffed but occasionally, her dad would rise to the bait to tell Bob off for acting like an oaf.

In his defence, he wasn't totally off about that.

Either way, the principle had basically agreed to let us come back if they would shut up and we kept an appropriate distance from each other. We had agreed, but I figured we most likely wouldn't. You see, these past few weeks had seen Rhonda and I hanging out more than the entire time we had known each other. It's not like we had much else to do so we had settled on travelling to training together and even picking up lunches between the sessions. It had been weird at first, but we then developed a pattern that would be pretty hard to shake once we got back again.

"The point is," Nel reiterated when she saw that she was losing me. "There's more of you now and we're not about to let your round the clock behaviour stay a habit."

"Yeah, meatface—"

"Aye, give me strength," Lark pressed her face into her hand. "I don't think I can take much more of this. Please tell me we're close to finding another member, Nel."

There was a pause.

It ran over us like a held breath, and only when the breeze swept past did Lark finally realise what she had said. Her eyes popped back open and she gasped when her gaze turned to mine.

"Oh, Helga, I—"

"No, it's fine," I said then turned to Nel. "Have you made any progress then?"

I chose to ignore that she glanced at Lark before answering me.

"Yes," she eventually said. "Possibly. I have my eyes on a possible candidate, but they aren't . . . well, yes, I'll need a little more time to survey the situation."

I nodded. "Well, make sure it's quick, alright? It's been three months."

Nel nodded.

The space suddenly became closed in when I noticed that everyone was watching me. They pressed into me like walls, and it suddenly became clear they were waiting for me to explode. I had to work to unlatch my tied teeth.

I sighed, very loudly. "Well, if we're gonna get a good night's sleep, let's go then. I'm freezing my butt off in this weather."

A lie. We couldn't feel the cold while in these uniforms.

Lark hesitated. "Helga—"

"Come on, let's go," I moved away from her. "I wanna fit in another Marie Kondo episode before I crash."

They exchanged looks but nodded.

---

The car ride home grew uncomfortably quiet.

It made me squirm. Nothing had been this quiet in a while; whenever Rhonda or I hopped into the car, we would fight over who got dibs over the music. Then, the rest of the ride would be spent arguing who had the better discography. And whenever you added Lila into the mix, she would either be breaking up the fights or recounting the day's events at school—not gossip, according to her.

But now, tension filled the air. It made the words die in my throat and my stomach curl. We all had our heads turned to the windows, pretending to listen to the pop songs on the radio. But I don't think any of us could name a single song because that just wasn't where our heads were at.

Lila was dropped off first then minutes later, Rhonda stopped outside my house.

She turned the engine off and leaned back in her seat.

The silence became a noose that made it hard to breathe. I could feel my heart racing down to my fingertips. The tension had turned so thick, I could imagine it pressing to the glass like it were fog. I scrambled for my bag and was ready to jump out without looking back.

"You head up, Nel," Rhonda said before I could, which made us both blink in surprise. "I wanna talk to chucklehead."

When I looked at her, I expected to see a sneer or a scowl, but she instead watched the stars. There was a resignation on her face; it almost seemed peaceful, but something about her lips curled felt anything but. It made Nel and I exchange glances before she shrugged and hopped out from the car.

I watched Rhonda as the door shut behind her.

"What are you—"

"Shhh," she interrupted and shifted her attention from the stars back to the ground. She gestured over my shoulder and, frowning, I followed her direction. "I wanna see how she does it."

"Does what?"

"Get into your house," Rhonda didn't look away from the cat as she wandered down the pavement. "Your family doesn't seem like the cat type so I doubt that she'd use the front door."

I opened my mouth to argue but realised that she was right. Sometimes, Nel could sneak in when it was just Miriam, but when Bob was there, she would meet me in my room. I hadn't stopped to wander how she managed to beat me every time.

So, I watched.

The cat crept down the footpath like a shadow. Cold light spilled out around her and made her eyes burn bright. She looked up at the front door, examining it for a moment, then slinked off into the bushes.

Rhonda clucked her tongue. "Kill joy."

"What do you want, Rhonda?" I finally asked and turned back to look at her, but she glanced away. "Why are you acting so weird? Weirder than normal, anyway."

There was a long pause.

Rhonda tilted her face so she could gaze out the window again. The angle hid her expression behind her hair, but I could see that her fingers had delved into her coat to wrap around her elbows. I hadn't seen her like this, almost shy or at least uncomfortable. Rhonda always burst into rooms like she was the main character. She had an aura that seemed like it was made from diamonds, or rubies, that shone from her soul. She loved attention and made herself at home wherever she went. It was to a point that, had I not seen her two weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought it possible for her to experience low self–esteem.

So, what was with this sudden shift?

"You seemed upset," she finally admitted then turned back to me. "About what Lila said—the new Guardian." It was my turn to look away. "You already found a Guardian before me, didn't you?"

I swallowed.

Neither I nor Lila had explained what had happened to Rhonda. I hadn't thought it was important given that it had happened nearly a month ago. I tried not feeling guilty about it, but a weight sunk low in my chest. It wasn't because I didn't think Rhonda deserved to know but honestly, it was still too painful. It was a wasteland in my mind that filled me with sharp knives whenever I accidentally revisited it. I had done my best to keep moving forward so I wouldn't linger in the past anymore, but every once and a while, the memories would catch up with me. Every time they did, it was like satin sheets had wrapped around my throat. They hurt.

Every time.

"Who was she?"

I sighed, leaning back in my seat, and lifted my gaze to the stars.

"Phoebe."

I ignored the throbbing sensation in my chest when I uttered her name.

"Heyerdahl?" Rhonda rose her brows. "The minion that was attached to your hip?"

"She's not a minion," I snapped then sighed. "But yes, that Phoebe."

"I'm . . . I'm guessing it didn't work out."

"Nah, she . . . she ran out." Rhonda glanced up in surprise. "After we transformed. She took one last look at us—at me—and just left. Haven't said anything to each other since."

It was weeks ago but I could remember the look on her face like it happened yesterday. The way her eyes had rounded like she was a deer who had been caught by her hunter. The way she had flinched when I had reached for her as if I had a knife in my hands. You would expect memories to cripple with time, but everything was still so crisp.

"Oh," Rhonda glanced down at my hands—which I had realised had wrapped around my elbows—before she reached over to pat my shoulder. "That, um—that sucks."

I stared. "I, yes? Um . . . what are you doing?"

"Comforting you?"

"How . . . how are you so bad at it?"

"Because it's you!" she flung out her hands in exasperation. "Helga–wouldn't–know–a–smile–if–it–hit–her–Pataki! We've hated each other for years! It's still so weird to suddenly be close with you."

"The feelings mutual, pal," I snapped. "Also, great job comforting me by the way."

"Oh—right. Um, are . . . how does Phoebe running out on you make you feel?"

I lifted a brow.

She blinked. "What?"

But she said it with such a perplexed look that I burst out laughing. "You suck at this."

"Hey," Rhonda bit back but a grin was already tugging at her lips. "You try doing this—Rhonda Lloyd and Helga Pataki not fighting? That's basically against the laws of nature."

I snorted and let out another bit of laughter. It made the look in Rhonda's eyes soften and she leaned back in her seat with a small smile. Streetlights spluttered, pushing across her face, and caught in her eyelashes like tiny stars. I copied her stance, pressing back against my seat, and raised my gaze to the sky.

It got quiet again, but it was comfortable this time.

This was what the past few weeks had been for us. It had been explosive in the beginning but after that night, things had calmed between us. It had developed a pattern that almost made it seem like the gossiping and glares over the years had never happened. I had expected for things to be tense, but it was like that fighting had gotten everything out there, and we were able to move past it. It was weird, but not without benefit. It was a lot easier to get to training now that I didn't have to wait for the bus anymore.

Time had moved quickly and all I could remember was sipping on cherry flavoured sodas. We often had our lunches on skyscraper roofs so we could watch the city below us. It was so far up that no one could see us, much less approach us. And it was nice, watching the birds soaring across the skies, or the people manoeuvring around in the streets. It was a nice place to get away but still watch life continue beneath you.

Rhonda and I would trade stories to fill the time as we waited for the inevitable attack. She would tell me about the drama happening between the cheer team and the jocks. How Stephanie was still hung up on a guy that treated her like shit, but she had convinced herself that she could fix him.

"Fixer mentality," she had said, crinkling her nose. "The worst mindset that the patriarchy installed in us."

I didn't have much to tell her since my life mostly revolved around being Blue Jay. But that didn't stop her from making the odd comment, especially when it came to being a Guardian.

"I'm just saying," she had once said, waving her pizza slice around. It had been twilight, so the light had become sepia–toned and sloshed into her collarbones like champagne. "What is the point in a mask if we've got different faces anyway?"

I had been chewing on my own slice but when she looked at me, I had to press a fist to my mouth to stop from laughing. Her expression had been so ridiculous, I had trouble getting my food down.

"Because, dummy," I had responded, after finishing my mouthful than swallowing my soda. "It's to protect our identities."

"But we're not even using the same identities!"

"Shout it a little louder, why don't you?"

"Yeah, wouldn't want the birds to run off and blab, would we?" she'd rolled her eyes then turned her face to the sun, chewing on her pizza.

That made me roll my eyes. "You just want everyone to know you're hot."

"I most certainly do."

Rhonda was always asking questions like that; questions I hadn't considered because they were so superficial, but always made me pause when she said them because they weren't totally unwarranted.

"Why did we hate each other?" I asked her now after a moment of silence.

She paused, not expecting that, but then shrugged. "Eh, probably something simple. You can be pretty bitchy."

"Right backatcha. Not to mention that massive pole up your ass."

"Hey!" she cracked a grin that made us both chuckle. "Who do you think Nel has her eye on?"

She turned to look at me, differently than before. She didn't flinch when she noticed that my smile had dropped. She had been expecting that. It was surprising how relieving it felt when she didn't have to constantly scan my face to make sure she hadn't upset me. I was used to people either looking at me like I was a hero who could do no wrong, or an underdog who was ready to explode. It was nice to be seen as something in between. Rhonda never felt the need to walk on eggshells around me. Sometimes, it led to hot debates, but I did appreciate that she didn't look at me like I needed to be fixed.

"I . . . dunno," I admitted.

"I mean, it could be anyone—Nathalie, Emilie, Ms. Hartman, Mrs. Willis down the street, those icky nerds in the science clubs—"

"Like Nadine?"

". . . Yeah, like Nadine," Rhonda dropped her gaze. Nadine was still apart of the barren land we refused to cross, or even acknowledge. It wasn't fair, but it was a conversation that was burned in my mind whenever I saw Rhonda. "Although, it probably is Arnold. That wouldn't be surprising. Wait, could it actually be? Did Nel mention a gender? Wait, can Guardians be male?"

"Serec seemed to be."

"Oh, right," she flushed, nodding, and I snickered. It made her look at me with a softening gaze. "We'll be fine, y'know. It may suck that your best friend in the entire world and the only one to actually stick by you and tolerate you and—"

"Not helping."

"Right—my point is that though it may hurt now, the moment we get a fourth member, you'll forget it all," she said with her best reassuring smile.

"You think?"

"I dunno."

"Oh, thanks princess."

"Anytime, meathead," she grinned then gestured to the door. "Now get out. It's late and this girlie needs her beauty sleep."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Say that again!"

"OW!"

---

"That one."

No.

"Alright, well—that one."

No, Helga.

"How about tha—"

"Say it one more time and those will be your last words," Rhonda snapped and when I looked, she was already glaring at me.

I scowled.

You'd think she'd be in a better mood considering we were actually back at school for the first time in two weeks and therefore, could resume our normal lives again. But then again, this was Rhonda, and Rhonda was always grumpy. No matter what. She had been grumpy when she picked us up this morning and she was still grumpy now. I figured it was because she had to wake up at six today as opposed to noon, which she must have gotten too used to over the suspension. But who even knew what ran through her head?

Daylight burned thin and a cool breeze pushed the trees. Students pushed past the school gates in large clumps. Skirts swung around girls' knees and boys whipped out water bottles, laughing when they hit bystanders instead of each other.

We watched from one of the benches that overlooked the entrance; Lila, Nel and I sat next to each other, but Rhonda had leaned against the wall. She had her foot pressed to the bricks and her hands tucked into her pockets. I'm pretty sure she was trying to overcompensate for how many people were glancing at her as they passed us. I couldn't blame them; the last they had seen we'd been at each other's neck. Thankfully, no one had confronted us about it, so we mostly ignored it (some better than others).

"What?" I rolled my face in her direction. "You heard Nel last night—there's another possible candidate and I dunno about you but so far the common denominator between all of us is that we all go to the same school . . . for some reason."

Nel sighed.

"Oh, can you repeat that?" Rhonda cupped her ears. "I don't think New Zealand heard you."

I glowered. "Excu—"

"Please," Lila cradled her forehead, shutting her eyes. "It was charming at first but after two weeks of non–stop arguing, it really starts to wear thin. Please take five minutes off."

Yes, I second this.

Rhonda and I exchanged glances.

I tried again. "But—"

Five minutes, Helga.

That made me scowl and, in a huff, I slammed back into my seat—not even realising that I'd been leaning forward—and crossed my arms over my chest. Rhonda copied me, settling back against the wall, and lifted her gaze to the students. The sun beamed from her sunglasses which were sat atop her head, from where she had shoved them after hopping out of her car.

Nel and Lila breathed a relieved sigh as they settled back into the silence.

I waited a few seconds before blurting out, "So, who is it?"

That prompted groans from all of them.

"What?!"

"You've been asking that for ages now," Rhonda deadpanned.

"And don't you think that it's a valid question?" I demanded.

"Not in public," Lila said in a hushed tone.

Yes, and it's becoming quite insulting, Nel finally looked at me. There's a process that I must follow, and I would prefer to do it alone without having to involve you girls.

"Well, I just think that it'd be nice if we were let in on the big secret," I pointed out and shoved my hands into my pockets. "The last time we weren't informed, I lost a friend and we got stuck with princess uppity puffity over there."

"Ha!" Rhonda put her foot down. "That was an upgrade. I got stuck with you two."

Three, Nel added.

"Upgrade?" I repeated then threw my head back to let out such a loud laugh that it had people staring at us.

Lila flushed under the attention.

"That laugh," Rhonda scowled, "is so fake."

"No, it was real," I sneered and placed my hands onto my hips. "Because if anyone is the upgrade, it's certainly—"

"Five minutes!" Lila exclaimed in such a voice that made Rhonda and I snap back into our original positions. She banged back against the wall while I slammed down onto the bench. Lila glanced between us like a mother who had sent her children to time out but knew they were about to leave the minute she turned her back. She waited a minute, silently daring us to continue, but when she decided we actually were going to listen, she released a breath.

She dropped her stance, leaning over her knees so she could rub her temples.

I eyed her. You'd think she'd gotten no sleep from how she was acting.

I told you I have my eye on someone, Nel glared at me. Why can you not simply trust me?

Because you've been known to keep secrets, I thought before I could stop myself. It made everyone go still and when they did, it sunk in what I had said. Crap, I hadn't meant to say that, I'd sorta just blurted it out. But I could feel everyone staring at me so chanced a peek at Nel.

That cat, unsurprisingly, looked hurt by my comment. She had such an expression on her face that felt like a knife. Guilt sunk through me, and my teeth began to feel tied.

Helga—

"Oi, Pataki!"

The voice made us jump and look over to find Gerald and Arnold were headed in our direction. My mood was still burning hot so I tried keeping my expression neutral, but seeing Arnold, I could feel my resolve coming down like bricks. The sunlight came from the right, weaving over them in white strands, and wrapped their shadows around their ankles. There was another cool breeze that swept his hair over his brows and with a crooked smile, Arnold lifted them from his eyes.

It was embarrassing how I reacted seeing something so simple; I could feel the heat spiralling in my chest and going up into my throat. I tried cutting myself some slack; I hadn't seen him in weeks.

His eyes moved in my direction. It made my pulse jump until my chest felt swollen with heat, but I brushed it off. He probably had caught Lila's eye over my shoulder. I pressed my lips together, forcing them into a small but sad smile. I could feel Lila sneaking me a glance but as usual, I ignored her.

Gerald was waving but they both stopped when they realised that Rhonda was with us.

Rhonda, of course, noticed this. "Yes?"

"Um, nothing, it's just—" Arnold blinked then pointed between us. "Weren't you two . . . fighting?"

Rhonda crossed her arms. "We were."

"But we're good now," I finished for her.

Arnold's mouth opened.

"Hang on," Gerald moved in front of his friend to point accusingly at us. "You—the both of you—are . . . cool? As in, friends?"

We looked at each other than shrugged.

"Yeah," we both answered.

But we may as well have just announced that we'd adopted a unicorn, named it peanut butter, and then threw a surprise party with its leprechaun friends.

"Wha—what?!" Gerald pushed his hands through his hair. His lips were pulling further and further along his teeth as his gaze swept between us. "Bu—but you've never gotten along. And you got suspended! Not to mention, Rhonda, you—"

"You what?" Rhonda's posture straightened and she whirled around to glare at him. She actually managed to look somewhat intimidating. It didn't help that when she wasn't slumped, she was actually taller than Gerald.

"Um, nothing, I—" Gerald laughed sheepishly and waved his hands around. "I just wasn't expecting it considering the last time I saw you together, you were kinda . . . fighting."

Rhonda cocked a brow.

"Is that your cat, Helga?" Arnold moved around as they continued arguing to join Lila and I on the bench. His eyes practically had stars in them as he glanced at Nel, who blinked, definitely not expecting that behaviour.

"Um, I guess?" I answered. "Although, she's pretty feral, she's not really anyone's."

Nel glared at me.

"She's cute," Arnold grinned. He crouched down so he could scratch her chin. I expected Nel to swipe at him but instead, she leaned in closer and shut her eyes, purring.

That—I looked at Lila, who appeared just as confused—I was not expecting.

Well, I guess she is a cat.

I watched as he soothed her; he had his face tilted, a soft smile tugging at his lips. It made my heart do a funny dance. It shouldn't be so surprising that he could tame Nel like that. He kinda had that effect on everybody.

But as I watched him, it occurred to me that I should feel awkward. Or at least guilty. I mean, the last I had seen him, I had stormed away after turning down his offer for help. I knew I shouldn't feel guilty for laying down boundaries—something I wasn't unaccustomed to—but I did. Because Arnold really did wish to help everyone. He was just that kind of human being that it hurt to keep pushing him away.

And then it hit me how long it had been since we had seen each other. I had stuffed my days with tasks and fights and lunches so I couldn't stop to think too deeply about everything. It hadn't been intentional, but that had ended up including him as well. My days had been hazy, my view slender, and with it, my pain had become paper thin. I had been too busy to miss him, I realised. But now that I was here with him, everything around me seemed to collapse like dominoes. It was softer than usual, not as demanding. Warm shades twisted in my stomach that made me want to smile until my cheeks ached. And as he tickled Nel's ears, I had to suppress the urge to latch onto his fingers.

"You appear slightly worn," Lila eventually commented. She watched him with soft eyes and when I looked, I noticed that her posture had straightened. She held her hands in her lap like she was the princess of Genovia. "Did you get to sleep last night, Arnold?"

Arnold looked at her with surprise.

"Of course, you would notice that, Lila," he chuckled slightly but it didn't seem as affectionate as usual. "Yeah, I actually didn't get much sleep last night."

"And why is that?"

That made him pause.

He glanced down, moving his hand from Nel to his lap, and the smile slipped from his face.

"I was out longer than I should've been, looking for . . ." he swallowed then forced another smile. "I was just looking for someone and lost track of time. It was dumb, I know, but I—"

"Who?"

He stopped. "Excuse me?"

"Who?" I surprised myself by how much I meant it. How bold my voice had grown, and how I didn't look away from him. "Who was it you were looking for?"

I didn't know why I asked; I should've been minding my own. It really had nothing to do with me and honestly, I wasn't sure if he was sore at me for what happened between us weeks ago. But here I was, asking him about this mystery person because I was fairly certain I knew what he was referring to.

I wasn't totally blind; I knew about his feelings for Blue Jay. I still wasn't totally certain about the nature of those feelings anymore, but I knew about them. It had been a long while since we'd last talked about her or even her world. I had pretty much put a stop to that when I basically spelled out my feelings regarding the entire situation.

It was flattering that he seemed to like that side of me, but it was going to get him hurt. I had hoped that him no longer mentioning meant that he was moving his focus to something safer, but it seemed like that had been wishful thinking.

I hadn't realised that I had been staring until he opened his mouth. He didn't say anything but there was a funny look in his eye. I couldn't understand it, but it made a burning sensation creep up my neck. It was weird considering nothing had happened, but I figured it had just been because I hadn't seen him in a while.

"I . . ." Arnold licked his lips. "It was—"

"Hey guys!"

The sudden voice made us jump apart and Lila released an exasperated shriek. It made Savannah, who had been waving at us, stop in her tracks.

"Um, I—" she raised her hands like she was in a hold up. "What did I—"

"You ruined it!" she threw herself into Savannah's arms like she was a woman in a Victorian novel. "You couldn't have arrived two minutes later?!"

"Er . . ." Blushing, Savannah looked at Arnold and I, but we certainly didn't know what Lila was on. So, we merely shrugged, and she glanced down at the redhead in her arms. "I'm sorry?"

Lila merely cried.

"Um," Gerald pointed at them. He and Rhonda had separated and now, the darker girl had her hands back in her pockets. "Are they okay?"

The three of us—Rhonda, Nel, and I—exchanged glances.

"Is she ever?" Rhonda and I said in unison and when Nel voiced similar thoughts, we burst out laughing. It turned everything warm and melted the frostiness that had managed to linger between us.

Lila looked over her shoulder with a small smile. I could feel Arnold and Gerald watching us, confused as to what had even made us laugh in the first place. Or maybe they were just shocked to see Rhonda and I both laughing without the other's expanse. But whatever it was, it made a soft heat ripple in my chest, and when I looked up, Nel was already looking at me.

"Hello Gerald—"

"AHHHH!"

The brown–skinned boy jumped a foot in the air and then backpedalled until he had fallen back onto the bench. Rhonda clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing but he barely noticed. He had a hand over his heart, eyes wide open, as he stared at the girl who had managed to sneak up on him.

Phoebe stared back, amused.

I shut my mouth. She stood with her arms folded behind her back, hair rustling around her ears from the breeze, and ankles pressed together. A smile tugged at her lips and seeing that, it felt like my bones had rusted still. Stares poured in from my sides, but I didn't know where else to look but straight ahead.

"Jesus woman, don't do that to me," Gerald gasped.

"I'm sorry," Phoebe giggled. "I sometimes forget how quiet I can be."

She then glanced in my direction.

I dropped my gaze.

"No kidding, Pheebs," Arnold chuckled.

He rose to his feet and when I looked, the tension that had lingered in his eyes was no longer there. He had an easy grin that felt like it was coming from his soul, which wasn't surprising considering how fond he was of Phoebe. I looked between them and felt myself growing colder. I hated how normally everyone acted around her. I knew that it wasn't fair especially as Arnold and Gerald didn't even know what had happened, but looking around me, it felt like life was rewarding her. I had always been punished for even questioning whether I wanted to be Blue Jay, but she got off scot-free.

I could feel the words growing tight in my throat and a pain that twisted hard and sharp in my chest.

Wordlessly, I stood up.

Arnold's gaze flickered back in my direction and his hands fell to his hips. I could feel my heartbeat rattling in my wrists as I ducked my face to avoid his eyes and picked up my bag.

"Helga?"

I glanced over my shoulder to Lila.

Concern had crept into her gaze. She had her arms crossed and the breeze made her hair dance over her shoulder. She didn't say anything, but her eyes pinned me to my spot. They were like windows and the longer I stared, the louder I could hear her silent questions.

But I could feel everyone's attention swivelling around to me so, clearing my throat, I shuffled my weight.
"Bathroom," I said, acknowledging the elephant in the room.

"Actually Helga," I heard Phoebe move towards me. "I wanted to—"

"See you in class, Lila."

---

Of course, I should've expected that my need for personal space wouldn't be respected. In fact, I should've counted down the seconds it took for someone to quite happily invade my privacy and barge in with advice that I didn't ask for. Granted, I had expected it to be Lila, but when I left the stalls, it was Rhonda I ran into.

I could've yelled, but I didn't.

Instead, I sighed. "Can I not be left alone for a few minutes?"

She had her fists clapped over her hips, like I had done something. She was uncomfortably close considering I had just exited the stalls, so I moved around her to get to the sink. At least no one else was here. I didn't know for certain what she was about to throw a fit over, but I'd rather no one else have to hear it.

"Hey, don't mind me," Rhonda spun around to continue glaring holes into my back. "Just exercising my fundamental right to stand wherever I please."

I made a face at her in the mirror then began washing my hands.

"Although I'm a little offended," Rhonda continued as I expected and moved so she could sit on the counters. She swung her hands together between her thighs and kicked out her feet. "You forgot me, meathead."

"What are you talking about?" I didn't look up at her as I dried my hands with a paper towel then scrunched it into a ball. I chucked it in the direction of the trash that stood across from us, then pumped the air when I scored the goal.

"You said, and I quote, 'Seeya in class, Lila.' You do know there are other people in that class, right?" she slapped her hands back onto her hips. "I mean, there's me, there's loverboy, there's—"

"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa, loverwho?" My shoes let out a harsh squeaking noise as I spun around on the tiles. I could already feel myself flushing. "I've told you before, Arnold and I are just friends—if even that."

Of course, telling Rhonda something like that was like convincing a mouse that no, of course that cat wasn't going to hurt you, it just wants to hold you in its mouth for a few seconds. For no particular reason.

"Riiight," she said, leaning back so she could cross her legs. "That's why you totally had that non–romantic, completely platonic moment not five minutes ago."

"That moment was non–romantic and completely platonic."

"Don't act dumb, it doesn't suit you," Rhonda rolled her eyes. "You may have the essence of a meathead, but you're not a total meathead, meathead."

"Thanks?"

She smirked. "Anytime."

I waited for her to continue—because Rhonda Wellington Lloyd always had something to say—but when all I got was radio silence, I made a face at her.

"Sooooo you followed me into the bathroom to discuss my non–existent love life?"

She actually laughed at that. "Puh–lease. Don't flatter yourself—Rhonda Lloyd follows no one."

I rolled my eyes. She acted like I hadn't witnessed her, a few days ago, running into a glass door because she had been too distracted ogling at a pair of shirtless boys.

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I told you, exercising my funda—"

"—mental right to stand where you please, yeah, I know," I moved to lean against the sink. "So, you're not here to lecture me about how I acted with Phoebe?"

"Nope," Rhonda shook her head like she was so damned proud of herself. "Tried that last night and I think we can both agree that heart to heart's don't suit me."

"Touché," I admitted with a shrug. "Then, why are you here?"

"Didn't wanna fifth wheel," and when I stared at her, she added, "Shortman's gotten himself attached to Nel so I'm pretty much on my own out there."

"Oh," I nodded with understanding. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. He always was really . . ."

I trailed off when I noticed that she was staring at me. She had an annoying smirk that made her look like I had just admitted something.

"Oh, shuddup," I shoved her but couldn't help grinning.

"Didn't say anything."

"You thought it though."

"Guilty," she grinned and held up her hands. "So, what were you two flirting about anyway?"

"We weren't flirting," I turned to face the stalls when I felt a blush rolling up my spine and curling around my neck. It wasn't because I thought I was being caught in a lie, but because the idea was still ridiculous. I chewed my lip. "He was looking for Blue Jay last night."

That caught her attention.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he has this, like . . . massive thing for her."

"Shit," was Rhonda's response.

"My thoughts exactly," I said with a sigh then pinched the bridge of my nose. "I don't know what to do. He obviously can't be with her but I—"

"Why not?"

"Huh?" I looked in her direction.

She had shifted her position so she was rested against the mirror and her wrist was rested over her knee. She seemed relaxed, despite what I thought she was suggesting. She looked up like I had called her name, then her expression flattened into a cheeky grin as she turned her face slightly.

"Why can't he be with Blue Jay?" she asked again, this time with a shrug.

Okay, now I was confused.

"Because I—that's manipulative, Rhonda," I spluttered and rested my elbows in my hands. "And not to mention, impossible. Blue Jay's the leader—shut up, we drew straws, I'm the leader—of a group that's the only thing protecting us from an all out apocalypse. I mean, just these past weeks, we've been running around trying to clean up the mess that Acantha keeps leaving for us. There's too much shit going on for me to dedicate time to a boy especially without revealing myself."

"But you already dedicate so much time to him," she pointed out with a confused frown.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, and I'm trying to change that," I rocked back on the bench. "Not to mention that . . . it'd just hurt too much. Pretending to be something—someone that I'm not. I already do so much of that from a distance. I can't do it up close and especially not with him. There's a reason why it's Blue Jay he prefers."

That made her silent.

To say it made me nervous would be an understatement. Because Rhonda was a chatter box; she was always going off about something and could make hills out of pebbles. Moreso, she was a fighter. She often came at things with a unique perspective that she nonetheless believed with all her might. And if you disagreed, she wouldn't rest until she had convinced you she was right. She never backed down and rarely took moments to formulate a response.

So, the fact that she was doing that now, I wasn't sure how I should be taking it. But from the way she was raising her eyebrow—I could feel it—I knew that there was no way—no way—she was about to let what I said go.

I knew that I should care less about her opinion but regardless, I found myself blushing.

"Man," she finally said. She straightened her posture to stretch for the roof and let out a sigh when her back cracked, before settling back into a cross legged position. "You bum me out."

"It's true though."

"Is it?" she looked back at me. "I mean, don't get me wrong you can be way more tolerable when you're Blue Jay. You're not nearly as annoying although you still can be kinda grumpy even—"

"Point?"

"Right. The point is that there may be some differences, but there's also a lot of similarities," she explained and put her hands onto her knees. "For instance, you're both bossy. You love to push people around, you're extremely narrow minded and can get so serious that you would think you'd walked straight outta a batman film."

"Are these supposed to make me feel better?"

"Oh my go—I'm getting there," she said in exasperation. "What I'm trying to say is that I think you've always been Blue Jay."

I stopped.

She continued.

"I mean, yeah, your edges have been sharpened or whatever, but there's parts of you that still shine even when you're wearing the mask," she explained. "When I first found out you were Blue Jay, I couldn't see it. She was just so open and caring and responsible, it almost seemed fake. That night really threw me through a loop; I watched you fight and tried picturing it being you—Helga—but I just couldn't."

She peeked from her peripherals, checking my reaction, but when I didn't give one, she continued.

"But then I got captured and even though you were injured, you wouldn't stop trying to get to me. Me. You had broken ribs and so many injuries, but you wouldn't let anything stop you because you were so hung up on protecting me. And it's not like we'd been friends or anything," she said. "That was when I saw it. Because I realised that you've always been like that—stubborn, but protective. Determined, loyal. You always guarded yourself when you were at school, and I thought it was because you couldn't care less about people, but in that moment, it was like the glass had shattered and I finally understood.

"You care too much," she looked back at me. "You push people away because you know what they mean to you. You know you'll go to the ends of the earth to keep them happy—safe. You've always tried to hide it but it's there—clear as day. That's why Blue Jay fits you so well, you've always been protecting people, and the more that you've been her, the more that it shines when you're Helga."

I tried to keep my face neutral but the more she continued, the more I could feel myself turning warm. I didn't know how I should react; Rhonda and I had never talked like this, even over the past few weeks. We had kept our conversations light, talking about movies and high school gossip, sometimes making fun of Serec. It had never crossed over into territories such as this, so it was slightly bewildering.

Rhonda could feel it too and shifted her weight, clearing her throat. "Of course, you both have atrocious taste in fashion, so that also must count for something."

It made me laugh which shattered the tension and made her crack a smirk.

"But my point is that it's not like there's two of you—she is you," she summarised. "Blue Jay isn't a mask the same way Helga isn't a mask. You've always cared but it's only now that you've stopped kicking yourself for it. Blue Jay didn't make you, you made Blue Jay. So, I fail to see how Arnold won't like you if he likes her."

I paused. I had never seen it like that.

I knew that since becoming Blue Jay, I had changed. I knew that I had changed and as such, so had the things surrounding me. But I had never considered that some of the things about me that I thought good, may actually have survived with me from my past. Because, the truth was, I had never considered myself to be good. I was a villain, that was what I'd told myself growing up. I did villainous things because that was who I was and so, I received villainous consequences.

Why else was I born into a family that didn't care about me? What other explanation was there, other than I had brought it on myself?

That was why I never thought Arnold could ever be mine; he wasn't supposed to end up with the villain. He was the type that the villain wanted, but inevitably, lost to the beautiful, fair–hearted princess. Something I never could be. That role didn't belong to me and when you spent so long playing the villain, happily ever after's refused to fit into your hands.

But Blue Jay stood against those beliefs; she wasn't a villain. She wasn't even an anti-hero. She was a hero. She was hope. And the longer I stayed her, the more I found myself asking why. Why had Nel chosen me over so many others? I knew I wasn't the only one. Neither were Lila, Rhonda or even Phoebe. There were others with potential, but somehow, I had caught Nel's attention, over everyone else. Why? She still wouldn't answer me when I asked her, so I was left to wrestle with myself in my sleep. Why would she pick a villain to be the hero?

It was a door that would never close, I knew this for certain. It was a burning sensation that I would never be free of, but a part of me had worried that the answer would be worse than the longing. What if it was more sinister than what I hoped?

But Rhonda telling me this, I suddenly felt very warm.

"I . . . thanks, Rhonda, I . . . didn't expect that from you," I had rested my head against the mirror, watching the light sprawling across the roof. Everything felt so hazy, so I shook my face then turned back to her. "But I still can't do anything. There's just . . . there's too much to do and I can't risk it."

Rhonda watched me a few more moments before sighing.

"Fine, but—" her eyes twinkled. "Why not pay him a visit?"

And suddenly, it was like none of that had happened.

"I . . . did you pay attention to anything I said?"

"Look, I'm not saying to take him out for a date, just maybe visit him one night," she said. "It's obvious how smitten he is with Blue Jay and . . . he seems pretty torn up about her. Like, seriously torn up. It bummed me out and I wasn't anywhere near the kid."

"Yeah, he's good at that," I sighed and eyed her. "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Maybe."

"Awesome! Lila's gonna be—" she stopped when she caught the look on my face. "I mean, Lila's not gonna be anything because she's not going to find out. Happy?"

I squinted. "I'm holding you to that, Lloyd."

She merely grinned.

Another pause settled over us; it reminded me of when we'd eat our lunches together. The wind would catch onto our hanging clothing and whip it around our skin. Birds moved in dark shapes against the clouds, and the sunlight bent to kiss our cheeks. It was peaceful, so far off the ground, that we could escape our worries and memories.

I missed it, I realised.

We could ignore everything but down here, I had so much regret that when it caught up with me, it burned holes into my body. It was nice being back at school, but it hadn't been the worst to focus entirely on being Blue Jay.

"So," Rhonda smacked her lips. "How long do you think until Lila and Lester hook up?"

I smirked. "Couldn't be soon enough."

---

It wasn't surprising that I couldn't get Rhonda's voice out of my head. I mean, at this point, it was to be expected. I always overthought but if you mentioned Arnold's name, whatever you said could linger in my head for days. So, though it wasn't surprising it was nonetheless annoying. Because before I had made my mind up when it came to Arnold, or my personal life in general—forget about it. Put it on the back burner; leave it at the back of the tallest shelf where it could grow old and collect dust until I randomly remembered that it existed.

Because I wasn't lying when I said I didn't have time to dedicate to someone else like that. We were already stretched thin as it was. Even if Nel could finally get her act together and pick someone else to join the team, we'd still be much too busy. It felt like the days were growing shorter. Between the training, the fighting and the healing from said fighting, we barely had the time to continue our normal lives. Adding a boyfriend on top it just wouldn't be possible.

Not that it would be remotely possible for Arnold to become my boyfriend, but even if it could happen, it just wasn't responsible. I would constantly be disappearing without explanation and he would ask too many questions. Even if I could lie convincingly to him, it would be so tiring having to come up with excuses as to how my disappearances weren't tied to Blue Jay's appearances. I mean, Arnold wasn't stupid. He already suspected something was up with me and I still wasn't even sure what to call our relationship. Getting closer risked him pulling the string and unravelling the entire thing.

But despite this I couldn't get it out of my head—possibilities that Arnold could fall for me. Rhonda hadn't exactly put up a shoddy argument, in fact, she had gone to great lengths to spell out the similarities between Blue Jay and I.

More than that, I was Blue Jay.

But as much as I wanted to lean into that, there were parts of me that refused to believe her. Sure, I could be Blue Jay, but was I? I still struggled when it was just me. I failed and made mistakes. But when I was Blue Jay, everything seemed easier. Not just because she had superpowers, but because she had everything. When I was Helga, I lost. I failed. I tried and tried and tried, but I always failed. But when I was her, everything was alright because everything was easier.

I had reservations about believing what Rhonda had said because I knew that, out of the two of us, Blue Jay was the more interesting. She had superpowers, took down monsters in seconds, and was so beautiful that every photo of her seemed like a movie poster.

I remembered one photo that had been plastered across the newspapers; it had been taken during a fight. Blue Jay's gaze had been wild and focused on a Mutant that hadn't been caught in the shot.

The skies were hot, but the sun cowered behind her. Her hair had bent with the wind, falling down her shoulders in a cascade, but scraped from her face to show her determined expression. You couldn't see the pain that she was in; you couldn't see the bruises that covered her back or smell the burning scent of copper that stung her eyes so badly she could barely see, or hear the thoughts racing in her head, wondering if now was too late to back out.

You couldn't see what she had been sacrificing to be there, you could only see that she was there. Everyone saw hope when they looked at her, but when I did, I only felt despair. Everyone thought they knew who she was; they didn't know that they were nowhere close, and yet, not nearly as far as they thought. Blue Jay was the dream, but I was the reality. And when you were already in love with the dream, how could you not be disappointed when finding out the truth?

Needless to say, I didn't get much done today.

I was far too gone, building arguments then tearing them apart. Blue Jay made Helga interesting, I had decided this when I was in biology. If there was an ounce of truth in what Rhonda said, it was because of Blue Jay. She made me those things, not the other way around. Helga was still grouchy and pushed people away. People liked Blue Jay whereas they had little to no feelings for Helga. Arnold's eyes only brightened when he thought of Blue Jay and I couldn't even blame him, because she was his type. She was good and beautiful, the type he should end up with.

Yet, I kept thinking back to that night when he had his fingers pressed to the back of my neck. His eyes had been inches from mine, and his lips had parted to demand whether I was alright. He had such a genuine look on his face, it had sent butterflies into my throat. It had made everything grin and bend like paper that had been exposed to a raining sky.

I didn't know what I should be thinking at this point.

I hadn't considered it possible that Arnold could ever like me, but Rhonda seemed pretty set on believing there was something between us.

"You've never been as good at reading people as you think," she had told me as we'd headed for our classes. "Especially not like this. You're too in your head. You're the kind that would need someone to spell out their feelings for you to even realise they loved you."

That made me frown. "Arnold doesn't—"

"Not yet," she had smirked. "But he totally could. I can see it now, Arnold and Helga, written in the stars. Picture it!"

So, picture it I did.

I imagined us standing in the gold where the sky had turned to silk and its pigment washed over us. The grass would ripple around us from an electric breeze. His hand would be in mine. I'd be standing beneath the sun and my shadow would cover his face. His hair would splay across his forehead, feathering his brow, and this time, I'd thread my fingers through his strands. I would have my hair pinned up in yellow curls. And in deep shades of royal blue, I would glow in a dress that was fitted perfectly for me.

The wind would turn the clouds silver, sweeping my dress back, and push Arnold closer. His eyes would have a hazy glow. His pulse would throb between my fingers. His gaze would move from mine to my lips. And then shutting his eyes, he would tilt towards me, and I would lean forward and—

"Helga!"

Fingers snapped inches from my face.

"Whoa! Wha—what?" I jerked back so wildly that I almost fell from my seat. I traced my gaze from the hand upwards to the face than actually did tumble backwards, almost crashing into Lila. "Arnold?"

"Yeah?" he cocked an easy brow then shook his face with a soft smile. "You blanked out."

Huh?

"I did?"

"Yeah."

Lila, helpful as she was, was laughing.

I sent her a glare.

"Class is over," was all she said.

Frowning, I looked around.

People were standing from their desks, chatting with their friends as they shoved their books into their bags. The sounds of intermingled conversation filled the room as they walked down the aisle and headed for the door. I even spotted Rhonda hugging her books to her chest and leaving with her friends. It was such a cluster, I wondered how on earth I hadn't noticed it.

"Huh," I said, dazed. "Whaddya know? Didn't even feel it."

"Yes," Lila nodded, standing, and packed her books. "We noticed."

"What had you so distracted, Helga?"

It was an innocent enough question; Arnold even looked at me with a wide face that hardly suspected anything. But it made me blush anyway.

"Nothing," I dropped my gaze.

Arnold raised his brows. "Must've been important, you didn't even hear Ms. Hartman say we're getting our results back soon."

That caught my attention.

"Results?" I looked between them then groaned.

Arnold chuckled. "That bad?"

"What do you think?" I stood from my seat and began gathering my things. Arnold's eyes pressed heavy into me, and I could feel my hands start to tremble. I murmured a curse when I knocked several pencils onto the ground.

He merely chuckled—a sound that had my chest fluttering—then ducked to pick them up. I didn't need to look to know that Lila was watching with a smirk. I flushed, quickly accepting the pencils, then stumbled down the aisle.

Our shadows glided across the walls. Arnold moved behind me which simultaneously felt too close but also, not close enough.

"How did you two go?" I finally asked when we had left the classroom and broken out into the hallway.

"Quite well," Lila chirped. "My partner is ever so the gentlemen."

I snorted. "Yeah, well, I envy you. Harry—"

"Hector."

"Whatever—Hector sounds great."

"He is," Lila nodded and sent Arnold a look. "Very good with words. You would like him, Helga."

"Yeah, whatever," I rolled my eyes. I'm sure she meant something by that, but I didn't have it in me to even attempt keeping up with her. I had already spent enough mental energy on Rhonda, I didn't have enough for Lila right now. So instead, I turned to Arnold. "What about you?"

"Hmm? Oh, Betty, she was—yeah, she was good, fun, y'know," he attempted a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Lila and I exchanged glances.

She tried first. "Arnold—"

"I'm fine," he forced a laugh, rubbing his neck. "Sorry, must still be tired from last night."

I pressed my lips together.

I didn't know how to take that; something clearly was bothering him, but I didn't know whether that had been completely truthful. But what else could it be? I looked at him and began noticing the details I had missed; his collar being slightly more crooked than usual. The droop to his expression. The way he couldn't seem to hold his gaze very high, as if he was too weighed down or tired. He was handsome, but dishevelled, more than he should be.

Blue Jay could save him, that voice whispered. I agreed. She could save him. Blue Jay could do anything; she was his dream girl.

Lila frowned. "But—"

"Hey Helga."

The voice came from behind and when I turned, Phoebe was staring up at me.

She had her hands stuffed into her pockets, which were much too big, and her feet pressed stiffly together. Fluorescence poured down her hair like rainwater and as Lila and Arnold moved behind me, she kept her eyes latched onto mine.

I tried not looking so surprised, but I was and stumbled backwards. "I—"

"Heya, Pheebs," Arnold tilted his head with a friendly grin. "Didn't know your class was on this end of the school."

She dropped her gaze.

"I, um, it isn't, I—" she swallowed then looked up again. "I actually wanted to speak with Helga, privately."

That made Arnold pause, then look at me. I could feel my cheeks glowing and kept my attention on Phoebe.

"Actually I—"

"Please?" she stepped closer. "It'll only be a second."

I didn't answer right away; I didn't know what I could say. I knew that Lila had probably fed Arnold some lie, but I hadn't checked with her what it was. I didn't want to make this look bigger than it was, but I also was reluctant to follow her. There wasn't much I had to say and a part of me was worried if I opened my mouth, I would start screaming.

You care too much.

I pursed my lips.

But before I could say anything, Lila's pocket suddenly rattled. Everyone turned to her as she pulled her phone out to read whatever was on her screen. When her face fell, I wanted to ask what had happened but she gave me a wide smile.

"Go on, Helga," she nodded with a gentle encouragement. "I have to take this. Come on, Arnold."

The boy blinked. "I, erm, sure?"

She wrapped a hand around his wrist before he could look back at us and pulled him down the hallway. I forced myself to turn back to Phoebe, but I could hear their conversation as they disappeared down the hall.

"Am I missing something?"

"Don't ask, trust me on this."

I sighed and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Well? What was it you wanted to—"

"Not here," Phoebe glanced at the stairs. "Let's go somewhere we can be alone."

Criminy.

---

I assumed that whatever Phoebe wanted to tell me was, on some level, important. She was risking a lot being out here. Mondays meant biology. She should be in her study groups, taking on unnecessary amounts of homework. If her parents found out she was skipping even a few minutes, they'd blow a fuse.

And yet, when I looked at her, she had her head down.

Her hair bobbed around her face as she skittered past when I heaved the door open. I tried not to let it bother me that she was acting like we were back in middle school and let the door crash shut.

"Okay, so what was it?" I stuffed my hands into my pockets and stepped into the light. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

She didn't answer right away and shifted her eyes to the fence.

We figured the roof would be the best place to talk since it was always vacant this time of day. The horizon was bruised and threw burnt sunbeams that melted like honey around us. The clouds glowed like iron, drippling in heat, and pushed shadows across the ground.

Phoebe mimicked my stance, shoving her hands into her pockets. Her silky hair waltzed beneath her chin, but her gaze was far from here.

You would think we were acquaintances from how much space stood between us. We stood beneath the sun, yet I had never felt colder. It was a total contrast to how my past few weeks had passed, where I had either been watching the skies with Rhonda, or laying on the sunburnt grass, high on adrenaline and the turbulent throb of sunlight in my eyes, with Lila babbling next to me about the classes I had missed.

"I—" Phoebe sighed, still not meeting my gaze. "I wanted to know why . . . why you're avoiding me—"

"You know why," I almost scoffed. "Don't play dumb, Pheebs."

She swallowed.

"I . . . you're leaving me," she stated. But this time, I did scoff which made her look up in alarm. "You are! I'm trying to talk to you, but you just turn your back on me—"

"I turned my back on you?" I laughed at that. "No, Phoebe. You turned your back on me."

She stared at me for a long while after I said that.

"Helga, that's not fair."

"What and you think that it's fair when it's me putting my life on the line?" I burst before I could stop myself. "Or Lila or Rhonda or Nel? That's fair?"

The wind swept clouds over her face. Her eyes melted and I wanted to feel bad, but I could feel the frustration pumping in my throat. It made my hands shake so I curled them into fists. When I didn't make any indication that I was going to take what I said back, she pressed her lips together and moved her stare to her feet.

She always did this when she was self–conscious—curled in on herself so she wouldn't take up too much room. It usually worked for her advantage; she looked so small that most people couldn't find it in themselves to continue opposing her. She had this way of looking so pitiable that you just wanted to cuddle her.

But for the first time, it angered me. She was always avoiding consequences.

She let out a long breath then looked up with heavier eyes.

"You asked me," she said carefully, "and I gave you my answer."

"No, you didn't," I had to look away at this point cause the words felt hot and sharp on my tongue. I moved towards the fence to put more distance between us. The anger was a curdling sensation that moved so painfully, it was suffocating. I usually pressed the feeling down, but the more it burned, the more I couldn't ignore the hole that had been singed across my chest. It still hadn't healed and ran like water.

"You ran away. Not from the question or . . . fate, whatever . . . but me. You ran away from me, Pheebs. Your best friend." I pretended not to notice that my voice cracked. "The fact that you rejected it all was just the icing on the cake."

It felt like my skin had become electrically charged, in a way that made everything around me feel dead or too slow, and I needed to jump out of my body because everything inside me burned. I clutched the chain links and felt my heart rattle because when I looked at my knuckles, all I could see was the bloody skin that had been split open after smashing them into the concrete.

'Will you become a Guardian?'

I fought to force down the bile that ate like poison in my throat. Nausea passed through in a way that had my stomach curling between my ribs, and I moved my face to the breeze to ease the dizziness.

I could feel Phoebe sucking in a deep breath then crawling closer.

I took a breath to.

"I . . . listen, I'm sorry, I—" she reached for my hand, but I snatched it away from her. It was like that had snapped something in my brain, because suddenly everything was moving too hot and too fast. I barely even recognised what I had done but when I spun around, her jaw had dropped. Her eyes moved from mine to my hand before she stepped away. "Th—this isn't fair, Helga! You asked me, thus I'm allowed to give an answer regardless whether it pleases you or not!"

The air tightened and I suddenly felt every bruise, every cut, every fractured bone I had received in the past three months. I could hear every lie I had told someone, every taunt Serec had made, every demand Nel had given. I could taste blood, bullets and sweat. I felt it all—everything I had sustained. But nothing I had asked for. It was like the structures had snapped and now the sky was crashing down onto my shoulders.

"That's exactly the problem," I heard myself telling her. "You got the option to say no. I didn't."

She looked at me with glossy eyes, but the ache had already broken out into thin fractures that spread across my chest. It twisted in familiar patterns that brought a prickling sensation to my eyes.

"I mean, fuck, Phoebe! Think about it for more than two seconds!" I actually laughed and then rubbed my face. "For weeks, I was out here, alone and fighting! I had the weight of the entire world on my shoulders and I couldn't tell anyone about it! There were so many times I almost died, and I had to go back to school like nothing had ever happened! Do you know how badly I wanted to tell you everything? How much I wanted to cry because hey, if I fuck up, it'll impact the entire world!"

My knees must have started to shake because the world was churning. The sky twisted until it was a golden knot that forced its heat onto me. I slapped a hand over my mouth when the tightness slid up my throat in the form of a sob. Cold tears burned my eyes. Pain welled and burned in my chest. I turned to the side. Looked out across the horizon then let out a long breath. It felt shaky. Water threatened to slip down my face. Blood pounded harder and faster behind my ears.

"I did all of that for you," I said then turned to her. "Everything—all of that was for you. Do you understand that?"

I stared at her and hoped she could understand. Phoebe was my family, the closest I had ever come to having one. She was the only stability I had. Yes, I had always dreamed and chased after Arnold, but he had always been a fairy tale, whereas Phoebe was real. I wanted her to understand that to me, family was forever, and for that, I needed her by my side.

She stared back, uncomprehending.

A hot breeze pushed past; I could feel my skirt rippling around my knees and my hair tickling my shoulders. I had followed Lila's advice—who treated my return to school like it was a birthday party—and tried doing something different with my hair. I had looked up a youtube tutorial and attempted to pull it back into a Dutch braid. But when she had seen it, her voice had gotten high and squeaky like whenever she lied as she assured me that it was good.

Phoebe shifted her gaze down to the ground as her strands moved across her eyes. She tucked them behind her ears and twisted her mouth the tiniest bit. She then looked up and opened her mouth.

"I never asked for that."

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head. I never asked for that. Maybe I had misunderstood that. Maybe I had heard her wrong. Maybe there was something else she wished to add. But when I stared, waiting for her to add something else her eyes stayed soft, but her lips didn't move.

And when I realised this, the world shattered in my ears. The ground rattled and the light came crashing down in such hot shades, the sky became a blur of colours. I opened my mouth to say something then closed it again. Nausea rolled through me, tipping everything so the ground was above my head and the sky beneath my feet. But instead of falling, I merely stood there as my whole body became numb.

I never asked for that.

"Oh," I turned to the clouds. I hadn't felt this kind of pain in a long while, but it was one I had been well acquainted with. It was a biting realisation, an understanding I had let slip to the back of my mind. It had been something I had known from the start but pretended I couldn't feel it.

I loved her more than she loved me.

I was surprised how much I could hold it back. It hurt, it ached. The realisation was a storm that thrashed around in my body, but it didn't break out across my face. I suppose it had been something I had grown used to. The only difference was that now, I couldn't deny it. Everyone had moved forward while I had stayed the same. Phoebe had moved on in her life, finding new people to fill it with, but I had only her for years. She was constantly running around, splitting her time between her studies, her extracurriculars, even her boyfriend. I had been left behind.

Phoebe had only really started putting in effort when I had begun to pull away. It made me wonder that had I actually accepted her invitation, would she eventually pull away again? Would everything fall back into place when I returned to her side? Would I be forgotten again?

But that was the thing: nothing was supposed to stay the same.

I'll never be that girl again.

I could no longer trick myself into believing that Phoebe had ever needed me. She had never needed me, but I always needed her. That was why I had wanted her to be a Guardian—not because I thought she could do it, but I knew I couldn't without her.

"That changes things," my voice felt so far away. "I suppose it shouldn't be so surprising. I was the only one who had been putting any effort into our friendship since we got here."

Her stare felt like bleach.

"Helga, that isn't—"

"Fair? I guess it's not."

I wasn't being fair, I knew that. But I didn't care. I was hurt, I was angry. I was rotten, I could feel everything twisting into decay in my body. Not only because I had kept her face in my mind whenever I had been knocked down, but because I knew that she was right. She had never asked for that but regardless, I had wanted her to repay a deed she didn't even know existed. I said I loved her, that she was my best friend, my sister and yet, I wanted her on the frontlines.

"It's not that I think you should be out there, risking your life," I heard her stammer. "It's just—I don't think that I could. I'm supposed to study hard and get into a good college so I can have my career. That's my mission. And I'm not supposed to ever, ever fail. I'm not a hero! I'm not meant for any of this like you are—I'm not you, Helga. I don't save people because I'm . . . I'm ordinary. I'm not who you think I am!"

My lips curled.

Wordlessly, I turned my attention back to the birds. Watching them, I felt so weighed down. My feet bolted down. Nausea slid up into my throat. Blue Jay had managed to give me everything—powers, friends, responsibility—except for one thing.

Freedom.

The anger charred the back of my throat but watching the flying creatures, I realised something. Rhonda was wrong; I wasn't someone who cared too much. I was someone who cared too little. I was someone who demanded so much and when those around me couldn't give me what I wanted, I lashed out so they could feel what I felt. I was constantly tearing up the things that I loved, then shying away from responsibility behind my walls.

I wasn't a lover; I was a breaker.

"I guess you're not," was what I said.

I could hear her stepping back as my words pressed into her. The light became very heavy and pressed into my spine like daggers. I knew that I should take it back, deny it so she could feel better. Phoebe had changed, and I had changed. Our worlds were no longer the same anymore. I had asked her to become apart of my world, and she had given her answer.

There wasn't any sense in punishing her any longer; I needed to accept it.

I needed to let her go.

She frowned. "Hel—"

"HELGA!"

The doors swung open and when we whirled around, Lila stumbled through them. Her face was pink and sweaty as she bent over her knees, panting. My heart jammed into my throat seeing her like this and discreetly, I wiped my face.

"I—we have to go!" she stammered.

"Whoa, hang on," I moved around Phoebe to get to her. "What's wrong?"

"The Wonder Park!" the words hit me like ice and my heart dropped. "We—I thought we'd killed them all bu—I—I guess we didn't!"

"Killed them?" My voice felt miles away. "You mean the Mutants?"

"Yes," Lila nodded frantically. She hadn't even noticed Phoebe. "Nel just told me—there's something happening in the park and Helga, my dad—he and his team were heading down there today but no one's heard from them!"

"Shit," I was nodding. "Alright, let's go."

She nodded, whirling around, and was gone in seconds.

I pressed my lips together, feeling my pulse throb in my wrists, and followed after her when something caught my hand.

"Helga, wait—"

I didn't look at her as I snatched it back. "I have to go."

"But that sounds dangerous and—"

Bitterly, I laughed and turned around. "It's always been dangerous, and it'll only get worse if I don't go."

She swallowed, glancing downwards for a moment, before trying again.

"You're sixteen, you shouldn't have to do something like this," she wrung her hands. "None of you should—it's insane!"

"Look around," I gestured wildly around us. "If we don't defend the world, then it'll all be gone. The world is a ticking bomb and I have to get us out of it—we all do."

She looked around, eyes still wide with panic, but when I made to leave, she tugged on my wrist again.

"I—I can't let you do this," she insisted.

"It's not up to you," I wrenched my fingers from her grasp.

"But—"

"Goodbye, Phoebe."

---

Night fell when we finally arrived at the Wonder Park.

It crashed over the park in fallen, murky shades painting a haunted scene. There weren't any streetlights down here; they had lost their power after the park had been abandoned. We only had the stars to light our way down the avenue. Shadows lingered on my clammy skin. There was a ghostly chill. Our uniforms were thick, but I still trembled and wrapped my hands around my elbows.

It was tense as we walked down the avenue. Normally, Lark filled the silence, prattling about something no one knew the meaning of, but she hadn't said a word since we had gotten here. Even in the car, she had barely glanced at us. She had kept her focus out the window, retracing the directions we had taken weeks ago. She wouldn't stop bouncing her leg up and down and twirling her finger so tightly with her hair that it looked like it was being held hostage.

Even Rhonda didn't comment on it. She had kept her eyes on the road, occasionally asking for the directions, and even now, she had her lips pressed firmly shut.

I couldn't bring myself to say much either. There hadn't been much to be said. We were all so deep in our thoughts, a conversation would've died seconds after it started. I could feel my voice pressing down into my chest like it was weighed with the words I wanted to say but couldn't find the heart to. My chest had thumped so wildly that the noise burst in my ears and I could barely hear whatever was on the radio.

I hadn't told the girls what had happened; it wasn't a good time. I didn't even want to tell them, really. I wanted to believe that it was because I was upset, but the truth was that I wasn't. I had been, but once Lila had announced that there was a Mutant, it was like she had flicked a switch, and I could feel Blue Jay's power racing through me. It was a rush of gold that burnt my hurt into a liquid and then stitched me together like I was velvet. I knew it was only a temporary fix, but I didn't care and leaned far back into the adrenaline so that was all that I could feel.

"You good?" I heard Raven suddenly ask.

I glanced at the front where Lark followed after Nel, who led us. The cat had her ears straight, instincts spiked, and Lark moved her gaze up and down the shadows. I figured the question had been directed at Lark, but when I looked at Raven, she was watching me.

Oh.

"Yeah, I just . . ." I rubbed my face. "It's been a real long day."

I hadn't said much to Rhonda as we had driven here; I had excused it as being too hung up on our current mission, but I knew that beneath that, it was because I was guilty. It was ridiculous, she didn't know what had happened between Phoebe and I, but I was worried that if she did, it would make her take everything back. Her words had made me feel good and more than, and I didn't want to erase them.

But I was constantly walking a knife's line that turned everything hazy and had me sinking further into a crisis. I kept Blue Jay like a ghost because she was as Rhonda described her: she was good. She was a protector. She cared too much. Arnold had fallen for her not because we were written in the stars, but because she was fair, and good, and kind—the beautiful princess. She had saved me from myself. I kept her in my soul to know right from wrong. So, when people spoke highly of her, they meant Blue Jay, not me.

But hearing that from someone else was too unbearable, so I tilted my face with a what can ya do? smile but Raven frowned. She looked like she wanted to say something when Lark called out for us.

"You guys ready?" she looked over her shoulder.

And when we looked up, we realised that they had stopped in front of the Hall of Clowns. My heart dropped. I hadn't been in there for years and I had preferred to keep it that way. It was a bubble-gum red building without any windows because they hadn't wanted to disturb the atmosphere. It had its name written in silver, large and bold, and was locked behind two wide doors.

I sighed.

And when Raven glanced at me, I tilted my face again, pretending I actually wanted to do this.

My pulse throbbed as I moved to join the others. It really wasn't a big deal, it had been years and I knew they were fake, but here I was, freaking out. I struggled to overcome those sensations and made sure to stand at the front of the group, shielding everyone in case something jumped out.

The doors appeared so much larger than what I remembered. I placed a hand flat against them and felt my pulse convulsing in my palms. The fear was hard and sharp, but I shoved it to the side. I was Blue Jay; clown phobias were a Helga thing. And it wasn't time to be her right now, it was time to play the hero again.

Sucking in a breath, I shoved the doors open.

The noise echoed.

Everyone jumped into battle ready positions beside me. Sparks crawled from the corners of my vision as a blue surge materialised from my arms and morphed into a barrier.

"Let them go Serec—" I stopped and felt my heart slam into my throat. "Who . . . who are you?"

---

Hokay, so there it is, there is the 24th chapter. Tell me your thoughts! Did you love it, hate it? I personally enjoyed it because I love writing Helga and Rhonda together (told y'all they're more similar then they realise). But this might also be not so highly ranked for the Phoebe gals out there. Sorry y'all, I swear I don't hate her, I just like exploring shadow sides to people! This doesn't make her or any one else here bad or even necessarily wrong, just human!

acosta perez jose ramiro: I'm glad you're giving Rhonda grace. Yes, she has talked a lot up until now, but most people would and it's verrry different seeing something and then experiencing it. Nel and Helga's biggest issues are both that they're not mind readers and simutaneously, even if they were, communication is not their forte. We'll get more into Nel later on but I think they're both more comfortable resigning themselves to their roles within the team, and moving beyond that is still quite uncomfortable and nerve wracking, particularly with each other. Thanks for reviewing!

AnimeMangerLover23:Honestly, these two are my favourite to write! They're both so stubborn and rough around the edges, but I think they're quite insightful in different ways that can greatly benefit each other. Each of the girls will benefit Helga actually in very different ways, that's my favourite thing about not only them, but girls all around in magical girl series'. I just love seeing the different impacts they can all have on each other! Thanks for the comment!

Kryten: 100% All these girls should've canonically been very good friends, but Rhonda nad Helga are those friends that are so similar that it can sometimes can rub the other the wrong way. But they are definitely good for each other! Very much Sailor Moon and Mars vibe, who were always my favourite friendship in the original anime anyway! Thanks for reviewing!