A Pirate's Life for Me

Chapter 1: Avast!

They walked toward the bridge as the gate shut down behind them. It was a simple-looking flat bridge, covering a deep crevasse. The bridge's sides had been built up with ropes and braces to make it a little safer, barriers to keep anyone from easily falling over the edge. At the far end, near the town, were towers and pulleys – a drawbridge. Beyond the towers was the town of Sonora. A sleepy town with a crowd of anxious looking locals who stood about, trying to see who had just arrived at their doorstep.

"Huh," McKay said as they drew closer. "I would have expected something more substantial: suspension cables, anchors, pylons. The Ancients obviously built the original bridge, but it looks like the Sonorans have been trying to keep it functioning."

Sheppard said, "At least it has raised sides, so we're not going to fall off. A drawbridge might be a good idea to keep out trouble."

McKay frowned. "A lot of trouble can fly in."

"And a lot of trouble walks," Sheppard said, gesturing to themselves.

"It'd probably be safer to fly," McKay commented. "We could have brought a jumper."

"We're just being cool," Sheppard said. "Having a ship flying over this canyon would be pretty alarming to these folks."

Ronon and Teyla were keeping their eyes on the villagers, nodding and trying to look non-threatening as McKay examined at the bridge. Sheppard sighed, not liking that idea or crossing it. Maybe McKay was right and they should go back and get a jumper. But there was no reason to expose the village to such advanced technology. They seemed rather primitive - which made the beacon more of a puzzle.

"So, that beacon? It came from near here?" Sheppard continued.

Rodney nodded, pointing into the town. "Somewhere over there."

The villagers shifted and Sheppard slapped down Rodney's arm. "Stop pointing."

With a maligned look, Rodney said, "I'm just sayin'…"

"So, Teyla, how do we do this?" Sheppard asked.

Teyla turned toward him. "We may need to make an offer of a gift."

"People do like shiny things," Sheppard responded.

"They're coming," Ronon stated, watching as two of the locals started walking over the bridge, slowly, peacefully.

"Well, here we go," Sheppard said. The fact that the villagers were willing to cross the bridge was a good sign. He jabbed McKay in the arm. "No more pointing into crowds. No need to start yammering about the beacon. Let's make some small talk first."

"Small talk, great. I hate small talk," Rodney groused.

"Small talk makes the world go round," Sheppard said as he continued forward.

"It does not," McKay countered, walking alongside Sheppard, looking at his scanner. "It slows everything down. We could be making good progress in learning about what they have here and figure out what set off the beacon. Instead, we will be chit chatting about the weather. Instead of investigating a new technology, we'll be prattling on about who's got the gout and whose daughter is getting married. Instead of actually getting our hands on something interesting, we'll be nattering on about someone's favorite color and what their favorite scent is. Why do so many people say 'citrus'? Seriously, it smells like death."

"You're a lot of fun, aren't you?" Sheppard said, as they continued along the flat bridge.

"Define fun," McKay grumbled, his attention on the scanner. "Nothing here. I see no power signatures. This place is as dead as a doornail."

Ronon and Teyla had reached the two locals and had commenced with the small talk. Rodney tried to push forward, but Sheppard pressed a hand on him. "Let's give them a minute," he said.

"What? Why?" McKay asked, trying to bat down John's arm, but Sheppard just moved until he was standing between Rodney and the conversation.

Sheppard said, "Just let them soften things up a bit?"

"Ronon can soften things up?"

"Better than you can," Sheppard responded. "You're bad at conversation."

"I am not," Rodney muttered. "I'm just judicious about how I use my words."

"You are not," John said. "You talk too much and piss off too many people. Just keep it chill for a moment."

"There are some that think I am a very able presenter," Rodney said, lifting his chin. "I could teach anyone how to do just about anything."

Sheppard snorted. "You have no patience, and your students would revolt – viciously, explosively."

McKay harrumphed and started to speak again, but Ronon and Teyla turned toward them and gestured for them to follow. It was all good.

It was at that moment that something went boom – a cloud of smoke and fire from the bridge tower. Everyone turned to look at the flash. There was a zing and a zip, and they hit the floor as the thick tension ropes let loose and flew back at them. The bridge shook.

The greeters shouted, "Run!" and darted toward the town. Everyone dashed toward the other end of the bridge, but it was too late.

The gate-side of the bridge, designed to hold the end of the bridge after it was lowered, snapped under the unsuspended weight. The bridge, groaning, flopped down, dropping one end, sending everyone falling. The townspeople shouted.

John jumped to the edge, looking toward Rodney who tried to grab the other side as the bridge levered down. Rodney was tossed and started to slide before he was able to grab the edge barrier again, arresting his fall, until the bridge rebounded and clanged against the canyon wall. He disappeared from sight.

"Rodney!" Sheppard shouted, trying to see McKay, but the bridge was doing a great job of hiding him. "Rodney!"

"I'm okay," his shaky voice came back.

"Do you have a good grip?" Sheppard asked, trying his own hold, and digging his feet into the ropes. "You're not going to fall?"

"I'm not moving," Rodney responded. "I'm kinda jammed up here."

Glad to hear that Rodney wasn't about to slip off, Sheppard looked up to where Ronon and Teyla hung above him. "You guys okay?"

"I'm good," Ronon said.

"We are secure," Teyla said as she glanced upward toward the two townspeople. "The others are safe as well."

"I can climb up," Ronon said. "And the others aren't far from the top."

"We can climb," they heard one of the others say.

"Good, good, climbing is good. We can get out of here," Sheppard said, then glanced to the place where Rodney had ended up, lower on the dropped bridge. "You okay with that, Rodney? Think you can climb?"

"A bridge just fell!" Rodney said, his voice high. "We were on it! It's like my worst nightmare - or one of my worst nightmares. It's definitely on the list! We could have been tossed off."

"But we weren't." Sheppard said smoothly. "Think you can climb?"

"No," was the disappointed response. "I'm kind of twisted up in here. I'm stuck. At least I don't think I will fall, but… OW! Oh man, that hurts!"

"What? What's going on?"

"My shoulder really hurts. My arm got twisted and… ow!"

"Stop trying to move it. We'll figure something out." Sheppard frowned at the distance between them. He couldn't get across. He looked up to the other two. "Can you see him?"

Teyla, on McKay's side of the bridge said, "He's mostly under the bridge. I can see his arm. I could climb down, but I don't believe it is wise for him to move at this point. We need help."

"We can get ropes and some rappelling gear," Ronon said, he looked up to where the two locals were carefully climbing the ropey sides of the bridge. "Would be better off we had the gear."

"Yeah, go up and see if you can get something," Sheppard stated. He glanced over his shoulder, across the divide to where the gate stood. They wouldn't be able to get help from Atlantis – the gate was out of range. "I'll stay here with Mr. Grumpy."

"Grumpy! I have damn good reason to be a little alarmed," McKay shot back.

"Okay, I'll stay here with the Alarm Man," Sheppard said.

"Be careful," McKay said. "Seriously, the sides were built by monkeys. It's not part of the original design! Monkeys! But if you can… you know, hurry? My arm really hurts and I can't move very much here. I don't think I'm getting crushed. I hope I'm not. But, it's just a matter of time before it squeezes me to death."

Teyla kept her glance on where Rodney was trapped in the ropes, and then realizing that she could do no good for him without the proper gear, she said, "We will be back quickly."

"Careful," McKay said again. "I'm not kidding. This is crazy. Someone blew up the tower. Seriously, be careful. Ow."

When Teyla glanced at him, Sheppard nodded, and she followed Ronon upward.

"I hope they're careful," McKay said, "Because if they fall, then I'm in big trouble."

"Just hang in there, McKay," Sheppard said. "They'll be back quick."

(*)*(*)*(*)

The locals reached the top first and were helped up by their townspeople. Ronon was close behind, followed by Teyla.

The crowd of townspeople were still milling nearby, demanding answers. "Why did that happen?" and "Who set those explosives? Who would destroy our bridge?"

"We were hoping you would know," Teyla responded and was met with confounded and frightened faces. She doubted they were behind this – they might have lost two of their own people.

Since they didn't seem to be ready to attack them, Ronon stated "We need ropes and whatever climbing gear you have."

Some of the townspeople were trying to look down at the bridge, but it was impossible to see anything due to the overhang. "It's ruined," Someone said, "They wrecked it. Why?" She turned to Teyla for answers.

Of course, they would be blamed – suddenly showing up on their planet – and now, the only means of reaching the gate was gone.

"We will help you rebuild it. But now, we need the right gear," Teyla said, looking at the remaining structure of the bridge. It they could just get to the gate, they'd be dialing Atlantis right now. "We need to reach our friends. We need to get down to them."

One of the people said, "Why don't you ask Mills?" and he pointed a thumb over his shoulder.

Standing just behind the crowd was a scrawny redhead with a red bandana tied around his neck, wearing clothes the color of rust. He was slowly backing away.

"Rix?" Ronon shouted, "Rix Mills!" and he plowed through the crowd to reach the man. The undersized pirate was fast. He spun about and dashed toward a little wall. He leaped it easily and kept moving.

Ronon vaulted the wall after him. "Mills!" he shouted. "Stop running! Stop!"

But Rix wasn't slowing, he ducked and dove through one business and then another. He moved down a walkway and through an alley and over another wall and disappeared around a corner, running directly into Teyla.

He jumped back but was caught by Ronon before he could escape.

"Hey, guys," he said slowly. "What's on the hinge, huh?"

Ronon picked him up by the collar. "Rix Mills!" he shouted, giving the man a shake.

"Now, now, now," Rix said. "No reason to favor the honus, huh? Let's just be more like bloxel than haffette and just breathe a moment. What do you say?"

Ronon gave him another shake. He'd never known anyone who spoke in so many idioms. He couldn't recognize half of them, and he'd been all over Pegasus.

Rix Mills, the Bogachiel, the Space Pirate, that they'd encountered on that flowerpot space station, who'd helped them escape and then disappeared with his booty. He still wore the red bandana that someone had given him on Atlantis, still wore the tattered remains of an eyepatch around his wrist like a badge, and still looked sneaky as hell.

Teyla stepped closer. "They say you can help us."

"Help you," Rix repeated. "Sure. What do you need? I have contracts with most of the trading partners we can reach. What can I get you?" He looked from one to the other, terrified, but trying to look self-assured.

"What happed to the bridge?" Ronon barked at him.

"I have no idea. I was just coming round to see who came in. I had nothing to do with that."

"We were nearly killed," Teyla said sharply.

"But you weren't. Truly, no one was near the tower. It must have been on a timer." Rix frowned. "It must have been those traders that stayed for a couple days. I bet they set it up. But why?"

"The townspeople said you can help us," Teyla explained. "Our friends are stuck on the fallen span."

"Rodney and John?" Rix asked hopefully?

"They hung onto the bridge when it fell," Teyla said. "Are you able to help us?"

Rix looked thoughtful. "They're hanging onto it? Can't they climb up?"

"Dr. McKay is stuck," Teyla explained.

"Okay then," Rix responded. "Let's go get him."

{0}[O]{0}

"So, Rodney," Sheppard called. "How's it going over there?"

"Great. Just great. All sunshine and daffodils here."

"Well, that's good," Sheppard said, as he adjusted his grip. He was standing on one of the ropes that made up the edges of the bridge. His hands were wound into the rope above him. He had to be careful. One misstep and he'd be paste at the bottom of the canyon.

"You still hanging on okay?" Sheppard continued.

"I couldn't move if I wanted to," Rodney returned. "My arm is all twisted in one or the ropes and it hurts every time I try to move. The bridge is trying to smash me against the wall, but I'm doing fine. Just fine."

John sighed, worried about what would happen when Ronon and Teyla tried to climb down to rescue them. Getting Rodney without squishing him into Flat Stanley would be tricky.

"I don't know how they'll get me out of here," Rodney said worriedly, echoing his thoughts. "The bridge is balanced so it's not putting a lot of pressure on me, but I'm not sure what will happen when they start moving things. Did I mention that my arm really hurts?"

"They'll figure it out."

"It's not as if this is the sort of thing they do every day. And if this town deals with this regularly, then something is seriously wrong with this bridge! Who set those explosives? I think someone doesn't want us here, otherwise why would they break their bridge to stop us from coming over?"

"I don't think the townspeople did it," John said. "They seemed friendly enough and were pretty surprised when it went down. Why would they want to break their only means of reaching the gate?"

"Someone must have set it off remotely or on a timer, not even here to see the results of their work. Who would do that?" McKay asked. "Hey, are you twisted in like me?"

"Nope," Sheppard replied. "I have to hang on or I'll fall."

"Oh," McKay returned. "Hold on then. Don't let go or anything. I'm sure it'll be tempting when they get here with the ropes, but don't do anything chancy."

"I'm hanging on here until they get here."

"Oh, of course. It's probably going to hurt like hell when they try to get me out of here. I'm not sure if I can climb once they get me out. I'm really knotted up in this stuff and that bridge is on top of me. Did I mention that? If it shifts, I'll crush me like a grape."

"Mmmm grapes. I like grapes. What's for dinner tonight?" Sheppard asked.

"What? I mention being crushed to death and you're talking about dinner?"

"I'm just hanging here, getting bored, and I started to wonder what's for dinner. I like it when they have a grapes. We only get those right after a supply shipment, so no hope for that tonight. So, what's on the menu? I know you're always on top of things and you would know."

"It's spaghetti night," McKay said.

"Garlic bread?"

"There'd better be. Maybe they'll have that chocolate cake. It's kind of dry, but not bad if they have coffee, too. We could really use an ice cream maker."

"Chocolate ice cream would be the best."

"Vanilla is superior. It goes with everything and it's not just trying to show off."

"Some people like to show off."

"Well, SOME people have reason to."

"Have you ever made ice cream?"

"Well, no. But I remember seeing other people using them – with the crank. You need salt to bring the temperature of the ice down enough to make it cold. But that crank was awful, I'd think. I've watched people crank on it for an hour without getting good creamy ice cream. Seems like a lot of effort for little gain."

"They made electric ones, too." Sheppard said. "Not that great if you're camping without electricity."

"Who would want to do that? I mean, to do it on purpose."

"They have good machines now that don't need all that extra effort. Just pour in the ingredients flip a switch and you could have any flavor you could imagine."

"That is a machine I could appreciate."

"But there's something about the camaraderie of taking turns on the crank."

"I wouldn't know."

Sheppard went on, "I heard about someone making crab flavored ice cream once."

"That's insane."

"I know, right? Imagine what some of our people would want to try."

"Vanilla is best. Then you can put anything on it for toppings." Rodney paused. "I hope they have the good salad, not the one that's all iceberg lettuce."

"Why do they call it iceberg lettuce anyway? It's not as if it's grown in the Arctic Circle."

There was a sigh, and then, "It was specially bred to travel, back when they didn't have refrigerated train cars. It was the only lettuce that could survive a cross-country trip by train. They'd pack it in ice. Thus, iceberg. It's probably why we get so much of it. It travels easy."

Before John could start asking McKay about train travel in the late 1800's, his radio activated. "We're coming," Teyla said. "Be ready."

They waited, but not for long.

There was a sound – familiar yet different – louder. Sheppard looked up sharply to see a jumper appear above him. A jumper? It had weird additions along the bottom. He held his breath as it slowly dropped. What the hell… and then he remembered something.

"Coronel…." McKay's concerned voice sounded from the other side of the bridge.

"Keep it cool," Sheppard said. "I think help is on the way."

The jumper dropped slowly, painted a rusty red, looking ugly and abused with tumors and protuberances. Finally, it lowered far enough for them to see the cockpit. Inside, Teyla leaned forward and smiled at them while the curly-haired pint-sized pirate, Rix Mills grinned from the pilot's seat. It seemed to vibrate the air.

"I don't believe it," Sheppard muttered.

"It that … that…" Rodney spoke over the radio, "… that hybrid ship? The Inkspot? And who's inside? It's that..."

"Rix Mill… the pirate," Sheppard completed.

Teyla's voice cut in. "Rix insists that he is Bogachiel. Not a pirate. The ship is called the Ironspot. We are here to rescue you."

"How?" Rodney was intrigued.

Teyla pointed up and the Ironspot was lowered until the big crane came into view, and dangling there was Ronon Dex.

Ronon had the look of concentration, bemusement and a touch of fear. He was suspended, Superman-style, from the crane. "Lower, lower," he was saying and Rix brought the Ironspot into position.

"Cool," Sheppard voiced when Ronon was on the same level.

Rix reached the crane controls, slowly moving the Satedan closer to Sheppard.

"Fancy meeting you here," Sheppard said and Ronon approached.

Ronon made a grunt, then asked, "You doing okay?"

"Just hanging out, waiting for you," Sheppard returned.

"Can you cut the small talk and hurry it up" McKay called from the other side. "I'd really like to get out of here. Seriously, small talk sucks."

"We get Sheppard first," Ronon told him. "Because we'll need both of us to get you out." With that, he reached up and pulled down a harness on a rope. "You need to get into this."

It took only a few moments to pull on the harness and get it buckled up.

Sheppard said that they were ready. Rix pulled the crane back and John was flying.

He let out a "ha" of surprise and he went forward, ending up, like Ronon, soaring with his stomach downward. He could look down at Rix and Teyla in the cockpit beneath them, and the river far below. Rix drew the crane arm back.

The sensation was amazing, like being on a carnival ride, like flying. He stretched his arms and pointed his toes and laughed when he looked over at Ronon and found him grinning.

"Okay, this is seriously cool," Sheppard said. There was a rig above them to keep them spaced apart. "I could get to like this. Do you think we can fix up something like this at home? Teyla, ask Rix what's this for?"

They could see Teyla talking to Rix inside. "It's for boarding larger vessels," she relayed, and then added, "And doing repair work."

"Okay, that's great. Colonel, you're free?" Rodney called out. "My turn now, right?"

"We're coming," Sheppard said, as Rix easily pulled back the Ironspot. John and Ronon rocked slightly in their cradles as Rix realigned and brought them closer to McKay, lower on the opposite side.

At first, John could see nothing except Rodney's left arm, wrapped round the bridge. Rix stopped moving the Ironspot, making them rock again. Next, he extended the arm.

"How does it look?" Teyla asked.

Ronon stretched out an arm to touch the bridge. McKay made a wary, "Careful."

"I think we need to lift it," Dex said.

"Yeah, lift it… good idea," Rodney said. "Just don't let me drop when you do that. It's holding me in place."

"Is your other arm still wrapped in the ropes?" Sheppard asked.

"Yeah. It really hurts my shoulder," McKay returned, his voice sounding small.

"How about your feet? Are you standing on anything?" Sheppard went on.

"Yes, I have them wedged in the bridge," McKay returned.

"That should work," Sheppard said. "Keep hanging on."

"Yeah," McKay returned. "Great idea."

Teyla said, "Rix is explaining that you can use the grapple. It's above you, in the crane's arm. Pull down the hook and wedge it on the edge of the bridge. We can lift it slowly."

Sheppard glanced down, watching Rix gesturing about how he thought it would work. Teyla summarized. "The hook should be able to catch one of the grooves on the bridge's edge, and that will hold it in place."

Sheppard tapped McKay's exposed hand. "I'll grab onto your arm, okay? We'll start lifting the bridge."

"Barely lift it!" McKay said worriedly. It was annoying to be unable to see his face, not to be able to look him in the eye. He was obviously distressed.

"Hear that, Mills?" Ronon growled to the pirate. "Be careful."

Teyla relayed the words to him, and Rix nodded reassuringly, saying a word or two. Teyla said, "He says it's a knocker."

"Wait a minute!" McKay called. "That doesn't sound good."

Over the radio, Teyla said, "That means 'it will be easy'."

With a sigh, Rodney said, "I don't know if I liked the sound of that either. Nothing is ever easy."

"We get the bridge lifted." Sheppard continued. "I'll be able to get a better grip on you until we get the harness situated."

"And get my arm untangled!" McKay said. "Don't try lifting me out until you've freed my arm. It seriously hurts."

"Do you think it's broken, Dr. McKay," Teyla asked.

There was a pause and a slow, "No." Then, "It just hurts from my shoulder – radiating down my arm. It tingles."

"Dislocated shoulder," Ronon said quietly to Sheppard.

"What did you say?" Rodney returned.

"Don't worry about it. We're just coming up with a plan." Sheppard watched as Ronon pulled down a rope-and-hook from the crane and fixed it to the side of the bridge. He gave the rope a little tug, and Rix took up the slack.

"Rodney, are you ready?" Sheppard said.

"Yes," McKay said with a squeak in his voice.

"Okay, here we go," Sheppard said, "Give me your hand."

The hand fluttered a moment, not wanting to release the bridge, but John caught it, grasping tightly. "I got you. Okay, Rix, ease the grapple back SLIGHTLY. I'm serious, only an inch or so."

Inside the cockpit Rix nodded energetically.

Sheppard feared total catastrophe, increasing his grip on McKay, but Rix did as he was asked, and slowly, slightly put tension on the grapple, pulling the bridge back an inch or two. The Ironspot seemed to shudder a moment with the weight but straightened out. Sheppard could hear Rix giving softly worded, but urgent commands to Teyla to help control the ship.

As the bridge eased forward, they could finally see Rodney. He was tucked in under the bridge, standing on part of the structure, but his right arm was twisted into the ropes. He looked terrified - his eyes wide but relieved. Sheppard adjusted his grip, able to get two hands on Rodney's arm.

"Oh," he said, trying to sound casual. "You're here."

Ronon crowded in to see how McKay had entrapped his arm. "A little bit further," he told Rix, and the bridge was pulled a little more to give them more room. Rodney looked alarmed at the change and increased his grip on Sheppard.

Dex told Rodney, "It's gonna hurt a bit."

Rodney nodded tightly. It took a few minutes for Ronon to get McKay's arm out of the ropes. Rodney cried out once but bit his lip after that, sweat forming on his brow until Ronon was able to get him untwisted.

"This sucks," he muttered. "This sucks so hard! Ow!" and "Ow! Carefully!"

"Got it," Ronon said, getting him freed.

Sheppard was still holding tight to McKay's good arm. Ronon pulled down the third harness and gingerly worked Rodney's hurt arm in. Rodney continued to mutter about how much things sucked as he sweated and uttered pathetic little moans. Finally, Sheppard was able to get Rodney to release his death-grip, and they worked his other arm into the harness. Straps were buckled and finally he was free of the bridge.

Now that he wasn't holding onto anything, McKay fell forward with a "Yipe", ending up in the same position as the other two.

Rix let the grapple relax, the bridge fell back into place. Ronon released the hook from the side of the bridge, carefully holding it to the side while Rix hauled it back into place.

And then there were three of them, hanging like three superheroes from the front of the crane.

"Hey," McKay said, with a childish grin. "Okay, this is cool. This could almost be fun if it wasn't so terrifying. That river is a long way down. Seriously, that fall would kill me. Oh God, that's a long fall."

"You're okay?" Sheppard asked.

"My arm hurts like hell," McKay said, clenching it to his chest. "Right now, I'm trying to not get sick looking at the drop. Can't avoid looking – we're facing straight down. I mean, I have a kind of a fear of heights. Not really a phobia, but rather a very strong hesitation of putting myself in these sorts of situations. Are these harnesses safe? Did you get it all buckled correctly? What if I just dropped out of it?"

"You won't. It's all good," said Sheppard. "Easy peasey."

It was then that the gate engaged just beyond the canyon. They couldn't see it, but they could hear that unmistakable sound of it engaging, and the 'whoosh'.

"Crackers!" Rix voice came over Teyla's radio, and they all looked up as ships flew over them – hybrid jumpers – a lot of them – groaning and rumbling and coughing, colorful and confusing, flying in formation over the canyon and toward the little town.

Even before the first one fully crossed, the Ironspot dropped like a stone into the canyon with three superheroes flying in the wind.