Chapter 23 – The Darker Side of a Summoner
Startled by the fayth's sudden appearance, Yuna stuttered in her response. The fayth simply giggled and waved for her to come with him. Mindlessly she followed his command, and the two proceeded deeper into the forest. Below her feet were the remnants of a path, long since broken up by grass and moss. She could hear many droplets of rain splashing on the tree branches around her, their sounds echoing in a tearful chorus. It made her feel as if the trees felt the same inner sadness as she did.
The fayth continued his trek into the dense forest. Yuna spotted a small cottage up ahead in an ovular clearing. The building's dilapidated exterior exposed wooden beams in the side, inflicted with rot and mold. The shingled roof dipped in the center. Her consciousness focused only on the singular purpose of realizing the fayth's promise. The only thing important in her mind was Tidus. She could have him back finally, ending her long struggle.
The rain increased in fervor, soaking everything under the dense veil of charcoal clouds. Hustling toward the crooked structure, the fayth opened the door, and Yuna gladly entered. She shook some rainwater off of her hair and squeezed more out with her hands. Icy to the touch, the chilling dampness caused the skin on her arms to tingle. Promptly shutting the door, the fayth walked to the other side of the room.
A shiver shot up her spine. The only objects residing in the single room were a table, two chairs, and a glowing sphere on a pedestal in the far corner. Wondering for a moment what power the sphere might contain, Yuna redirected her attention to the only thing pertinent to her.
"You said you could help me," she spoke, still with slight hesitation.
"Indeed," he replied, smiling at her. "I will reward you for your gallant service to Spira and the Fayth."
Yuna blushed a bit, smiling back at him. "Oh, well thank you, but I really didn't—"
"Nonsense, don't underappreciate yourself, Lady Yuna. You've done wondrous things for this world. For that, you should be compensated."
Yuna gazed blankly at him for a moment. She wasn't sure how to respond to such generous praise. For Spira, she had done an innumerable amount of deeds to aid it. Being a hero was no longer something she desired. Images from her pilgrimage flashed in her mind.
"Tell me, what is it you desire?" he asked, creeping slightly towards her.
Yuna sat down on one of the two chairs in the room. It squeaked under her body weight, making her wonder if it might collapse. She paused to think; already she had a thousand thoughts racing through her head. While deep down she knew exactly what she wanted, her shy self wouldn't let it free. Her face showed all the jumbled emotions fighting for validation inside of her. She blushed again, knowing she must have looked like a fool.
"I just want to be happy, I guess," she replied with the first words that resembled how she truly felt inside.
The fayth thought to himself, rubbing his chin. Then he paced around the room, the wooden floor creaking under his steps, all the while staying deep in thought. Staring intensely at the radiant sphere in the corner, he watched for a time as its glow brightened and dimmed like a candle's flame. Turning himself to face Yuna, he walked up close to her, his cloaked face fixated on her.
"That is a very general idea. Do you suppose how I can make you happy?" he questioned intently.
Yuna knew what she needed to complete her happiness, but again she held back. Her head dropped to the ground; her facial expression grew darker. She sighed lightly and moved the dirt on the floor around with her foot. To herself, she wondered why she just wouldn't come out and tell the fayth her desire. Something within her dragged the idea back every time it surfaced. Whatever internal force struggled with her, it was stronger than she could fight. Therefore, she had no answer.
"Hmm, I understand, Lady Yuna. Why then don't you think about it for a while? When you are ready, come and seek me out."
She lifted her head to speak again but refrained. Simply nodding, she thanked the fayth for his time and left. Following the degenerated path back through the forest, Yuna headed back for the Celsius. The rain had since stopped during her time inside the cottage, and the sun peeked through the murky clouds. While Spira may have some shine on it, only a shadow existed across Yuna's heart. She sobbed while she shambled back to her home.
"Why, why couldn't I just say it?" she growled out loud to herself while wiping away a tear.
A fit of anger spiked through her veins. She kicked a tree hard, splintering off a chunk of its bark. Then she yelled to the sky at the top of her lungs. Suddenly her anger subsided, as she remembered the time Tidus told her to scream if she found herself overwhelmed with frustration. A solemn tear proceeded out of her green eye. She brushed her hand across her hair. Letting out a burst of air, she regained control of herself.
"Can I never figure myself out?" she whispered, leaning her head against a tree. "All I want is you, and I'm too stupid to even say it. Why am I so weak? You deserved better than me, Tidus."
A voice called out from afar. Looking up, Yuna saw Rikku jogging toward her. She waved at her cousin, letting out a witless giggle. Somewhat frightened by Rikku's sudden appearance, Yuna attempted to come back into control of herself.
"There ya are, Yunie! We thought you got lost," Rikku said.
Yuna flashed a gloomy smile back at her. "Oh, no, I just hid under a tree to get out of the rain. You guys left me alone."
"Oops, sorry about that. We went to go play with a blitzball Buddy found. You were sleeping so peacefully, we didn't want to wake you."
Yuna chuckled, gathering some cheerfulness from her quirky friend. "It's alright, I forgive you."
The girls laughed together, and Rikku locked arms with Yuna as the two headed back to the Celsius. The rest of the gang had resumed their little game since the rain had ended. Paine and Brother both waved at Yuna, whom they noticed returning. Buddy kicked the ball over to her.
"How are you doing?" he shouted at her. "We thought someone sold you to Tolbi!"
"No, I was just taking cover!" she yelled back with a little more glee.
For the rest of the afternoon, the Gullwings played beside their airship. With a gentle breeze to tantalize them, the girls were able to enjoy the recreation they had sought. In the back of Yuna's mind smoldered her disgust for passing up what she believed to be the best opportunity to reunite with Tidus she had uncovered. Although the knowledge that she could come back to the fayth quieted her indignation. The last week had been nothing less than a maelstrom—she desperately needed to unwind. She thought that would solve her apprehension.
Once the sun set, Yuna decided she should give Kimahri a sphere call. With Shinra's new little toy installed, she could talk with Kimahri any time she wanted. Feeling guilty because she hadn't kept in touch with the Ronso as of late, she decided this was a good opportunity. Plopping down in Buddy's seat, she turned on the sphere network. Looking at the map of Spira, she touched the screen where Mount Gagazet was shown. The screen flashed, and a picture of Kimahri appeared. The button which had "call" on it began to blink. Once pushed, she heard a strange tone murmur from the speaker.
"Hello?" a female voice emanated from the speaker. "Who is contacting Ronso through funny contraption?"
"Um, this is Yuna. May I speak to Kimahri please?"
The Ronso paused for a moment. "Ah, you are the one Elder had protected. Please wait."
Footsteps aired over the CommSphere, and Yuna waited patiently. She tapped her finger on the console, thinking about what to say to Kimahri. He had been the Ronso's Elder for a while now, but there was a lot of trouble within his clan. She recalled the younger Ronso desiring to attack the Guado seeking revenge for the Ronso slain by Seymour two years ago. Seeing as how no news of Ronso attacks had been broadcast, Yuna felt assured that Kimahri kept his people's rage under control. She still worried about him, as being a leader was a challenging job to do.
Once again, footsteps sounded over the CommSphere. "Kimahri is glad to hear from Yuna."
"Kimahri!" she bellowed, "Oh, it's so good to hear your voice again."
"It is good to hear Yuna's voice, too. It has been some time since Yuna last spoke to Kimahri."
"I know, and I'm sorry Kimahri."
"Do not be sorry. Kimahri knows Yuna is busy hunting spheres like Kimahri is busy leading Ronso."
Yuna nodded to herself. "That's very true. But still, I'm glad to know you're okay. How are the Ronso doing?"
Kimahri let out a sigh. "Ronso youth are still eager to take revenge on Guado. Garik is causing much trouble again."
"That's right. He was up in arms when we were last in Gagazet."
Kimahri grunted. "Garik not understand, Mountain speak of peace, not of revenge. But Garik not listen to Mountain. Now, many Ronso want to leave Mountain and kill Guado."
"What? Is it that bad?" gasped Yuna.
"Yes, Ronso's thirst for Guado's blood becomes worse each day. Kimahri becoming less sure of what to do."
Yuna thought to herself for a moment. "Well, perhaps we can come and help you."
"Yuna should not trouble. Ronso take care of Ronso problems."
"It's no trouble, Kimahri. Besides, you've helped me so much, I want to help you," pleaded Yuna.
At this, Kimahri didn't respond, merely humming out his approval. Yuna hoped the rest of the crew didn't mind her decision. She told Kimahri that they would come in the next day or two, and he would happily await their arrival. The only thing Yuna needed to do was explain this to everyone else. She decided it was better to wait until morning, as she now found it to be dark outside. Throughout the ship murmured only the snuggling sounds of sleeping Gullwings.
Yuna, not quite tired enough to go to sleep, went up to the deck. Cool, crisp air greeted her, and a light breeze swayed through her hair. The sky above was crystal clear, with nary a cloud to cover the stars. She lay down, letting the tranquility wash over her. Almost all was silent in the Moonflow; only the serene chirping of crickets played in the background. Yuna rolled over to her side, resting her head on her arm. Yawning deeply, she curled up into a ball and fell asleep.
Startled awake by the thunderous growl of the Celsius' engines revving up, Yuna freaked out, wondering what was going on. Once she regained her senses, she ran inside and down to the bridge. Brother readied to launch the ship with Buddy speaking some directions to him. Paine stood arms folded next to them. Hearing the door whoosh open, she turned around to greet Yuna.
"Hey, good morning, Yuna. Where have you been?"
Yuna, still in distress mode, hustled down to the lower level. "Uh, hey guys. Where are we going?"
"To Macalania," replied Buddy, spinning his head around. "Shinra caught a sphere signal coming from there."
Yuna bit her lip. "Um, hey, is it okay if . . ."
"Hmm?" asked Paine, looking at Yuna's worried expression. "What's up?"
"Is it alright if we change that?"
"Huh? What do you mean?" Buddy's eyebrow rose.
"Well, I was talking to Kimahri last night. I kind of told him we'd go to Mount Gagazet."
"I'm sure we can head there once we've done our investigating at Macalania," assured Buddy to Yuna's discontent.
She pressed harder. "You see, he's been having a lot of problems with the Ronso youth. I told him I would talk with them, maybe calm them down some."
"I'm sure Kimahri can wait," Paine commented, her tone willing with annoyance.
"The Ronso are ready to go and kill the Guado. We can't just let them do that!"
"Look, we understand, Yuna," retorted Paine. "But we're sphere hunters, not diplomats."
"I know that, but Kimahri has helped me so much in the past. I want to do something to help him," argued Yuna.
"Yes, that's fine. But you can't go bailing everyone out of their problems. You always do that."
"Excuse me? So what if I help people too much—at least I do something to help other people. Don't just worry about yourself!"
"Hmph! What, am I suddenly selfish now? Don't push that goodie-goodie crap on me!"
Yuna's eyes boiled with anger. "Maybe you need some goodness. Don't be such a bottled-up jerk!"
Furiously, Paine gave Yuna a shove, knocking her into the wall behind her. Buddy desperately tried to diffuse the rapidly degenerating situation. He was flatly ignored, as Yuna became emboldened by her pent-up rage.
"To hell with you!" Yuna screamed at Paine, who was taken aback by her outburst. "Don't think you can just push me around! I've felt a thousand years more suffering than you ever have!"
"What? You're not making any sense," Paine uttered in confusion.
"Figures you couldn't understand what that means, as cold and emotionless as you are!"
The rising anger in Paine erupted, causing her to slap Yuna across the face, again jolting her back into the wall. Buddy and Brother, both speechless, stared in awe as Yuna gripped her reddened face. Tears ran down her cheeks, but her jaw clenched in fury. She leaped back at Paine, swinging tight-fisted at her, nailing her square in the face. The force behind it knocked Paine backward. She rubbed her lip, seeing blood on her fingers. Looking up, she saw Yuna in a total state of shock.
Yuna stood frozen, just gazing in horror at her hand. She let out a feeble gasp and looked down at Paine. Viewing the blood trickling down her chin, Yuna cried out again and ran as fast as she could up the stairs and out of the bridge. Rikku was walking out of the lift and waved to her cousin. Yuna paid no attention, shoving her out of the way as she boarded the lift. Rikku tried to ask Yuna why the rush, but hadn't the chance. The lift went down, and Yuna went with it. Scratching her head, Rikku went forward to the bridge.
Yuna held her head, repeating "what have I done" to herself over and over. The lift stopped and opened the doors to the engine room. Ashamed and confused, she ran to a small opening underneath the stairs. The roaring of the engines masked her agonizing sobs. She curled up into a tight ball, crying uncontrollably, soaking her shirt. She replayed the whole incident in her head, only making her more distraught.
She asked herself why she had done that. The rage that she unleashed was something she had never felt before. She prided herself on being the calm, not the storm. Perhaps she would get upset from time to time, but never the kind of fury that exploded just a few minutes before. To strike her friend seemed unfathomable. Worse yet, she knew it was all her fault. She was the one who said they would go to Gagazet without discussing it with everybody else. To then whine until she got her way, that just wasn't who she was.
Yuna hid in the engine room for the rest of the day. She most certainly didn't want to be found—remaining secluded, curled up in a whimpering ball.
A level above her sat Paine on her bed in the cabin. She, too, would rather remain secluded. To her, the whole situation escalated due to her anger. The image of her slapping and pushing Yuna made her grip her fists together. She punched the bed, grunting in aggravation. Yuna was her friend, one of the few she had in this world. To slap her wasn't right at all. Thinking back, she knew she had never been good at controlling her anger. Going to Gagazet first wasn't that big of a deal. If only she consented, Paine realized to herself, the whole conflict could have been avoided.
On the bridge, Rikku cautiously approached Buddy and Brother, who mumbled to each other in hushed voices. Still unsure of what happened, she was worried about both Yuna and Paine.
"Hey guys . . . um, what happened?" she asked meekly.
Buddy sighed. "A disaster. A complete disaster."
"I'm starting to worry about Yuna," chimed in Brother, who had a serious expression on his face for the first since Rikku could remember.
Buddy proceeded to answer Rikku, recounting the chain of events. She gasped at his explanation, not believing Yuna would possibly do something like that. Never had she ever seen Yuna outburst in anger like that before. Witnessing Paine's bloody lip, she couldn't deny herself the truth.
Rikku frowned. "Ya know, I've kinda been wondering if Yunie is alright."
"Me too," seconded Brother. "She's been acting strangely as of late."
"Yeah, I've noticed too. All this craziness that's been happening to her lately must have gotten to her more than she lets on."
Buddy nodded. "I think there's probably more to it. I'm starting to wonder if Yuna should be doing this anymore."
"What? You can't tell Yunie to quit! She'll be fine, we just gotta help her a little!" yelled Rikku angrily.
"Whoa, whoa Rikku, no one is telling her to quit. I'm just saying this ain't healthy for her. Especially with these sudden mood swings. In the last week, she has gone from depression to rage."
"She's been through a lot of trauma lately. First, there was the old priest in Kilika, then Shuyin in Djose. I think it's taking its toll," worried Brother, his face hung in concern.
"Yeah, I know. We just gotta be there for her. Well anyway, I'm gonna go check on Paine."
Brother and Buddy nodded, and Rikku left them on the bridge. In the lift to the cabin, she hoped to herself that they could reconcile quickly. She hated nothing more than to see her two closest partners hating each other. Whatever occurred between them, she didn't want it to linger. The lift's doors opened, and Rikku proceeded into the cabin. The bar was unattended, giving the room an eerily silent presence. At the top of the stairs, she poked her head out and found Paine on her bed, staring out the window.
"Hey Doctor P," she began hesitantly, trying to sound pleasant.
Paine nodded in response but didn't reply or look over at Rikku. Her face drooped in sadness. It was clear as day that she felt ashamed for what happened. Knowing Paine was strong-willed, Rikku was genuinely surprised to see her in such a state. Then again, she was only human, capable of feeling the same plethora of emotions just like anyone else. It remained an unpleasant sight. Rikku sat down next to her and patted her on the back.
"I don't know completely what happened, but it's okay now. Don't beat yourself up for it—"
"Dammit, Rikku!" Paine yelled suddenly. "I hit her, right across the face. For something so stupid!"
"Calm down! Calm down! It's alright now. She'll get over it. The important thing is to just apologize."
"Yeah, but . . ."
"She'll forgive you. Remember, Yunie's that kinda person."
Paine finally cracked a smile at hearing this. "I guess your right, she's always been a goodie-goodie like that."
Rikku sighed. "I hope she stays like that."
Upon speaking this, Rikku got up and headed down the stairs. Turning back around, she flashed Paine a glimmering smile.
"Hey, I'll be back. I'm gonna go get Yunie and we're gonna fix this, okay Paine?"
Paine nodded graciously as she watched Rikku leave the cabin. Pondering Rikku's words, or more specifically, what she said about Yuna remaining the nice person she was, Paine drew a disconcerting look on her face. Thinking back, Yuna had been acting out of her norm lately. Just as Buddy and Brother believed, she thought it was due to the chaos that she had dealt with lately.
Down in the noisy engine room, Rikku searched for Yuna, discovering her tucked beneath the balcony. Her cousin leaned against the wall, a horrific expression on her face that almost made Rikku cry. Slowly she approached Yuna, kneeling to embrace her cousin.
"There, there, Yunie. It's okay now."
She gazed up at Rikku, and immediately buried her face into her chest. Again a flood of tears came. For the first time, Rikku found herself giving comfort instead of receiving it. Normally, she once thought, this would be a great gift to her cousin. But at that moment, it felt terrible. Saying anything she believed would pacify her, Rikku gripped Yuna tighter. After a while of sobbing, Yuna calmed.
"Oh, Rikku, what am I becoming? I hit my own—"
"Shh," whispered Rikku in her ear. "It's alright. She's forgiven you."
Yuna looked into Rikku's eyes. "Did she? Did she really?"
Rikku smiled and nodded. Yuna sobbed again but the wellspring of emotions tapered. Raising them both up to their feet, Rikku held Yuna's hand and guided her up to the cabin. Paine heard their footsteps come nearer and rose off the bed. She stood, hesitantly looking at Yuna's reddened face. The two simply stared at each other for a long moment, neither one speaking a word during their awkward gaze. Then finally, they bowed their heads.
"I'm so sorry, Paine. Please forgive me," whimpered Yuna softly, choking back a tear.
"Forget it. It was all stupid anyway. Besides, you gotta forgive me too you know."
Yuna smiled. "Of course. We're still friends, right?"
"Yeah," Paine replied. "We're friends."
The two friends embraced now that they had forgiven each other. They laughed, relieved that their grievance didn't lead to the horrible detriment that they both feared. Sighing in relief, Rikku ran up and bear-hugged them both.
"Hey now, let's not get too mushy!" she exclaimed, gripping both of them.
The girls all laughed in tandem, as well as Buddy, Brother, and Shinra. The girls turned around, wondering how long they had been standing there. With the tension broken, everyone joked around, giggling and laughter abounding. They also made the joint decision to go to Mount Gagazet to help Kimahri. Yuna felt guilty about that, but they all told her to forget it.
"It's what we do!" belted Brother, busting out a lousy jig. "We are the Friendly Neighboring Gullwings after all!"
Everyone laughed at Brother and his stupidity. Not understanding the joke, he became frustrated at them, doing his little grunt-and-hop routine. This only added to their hysteria, sending Rikku to the floor laughing. Although the day began with fierce animosity, it ended with mellow laughter. For at least today, the Gullwings reconciled. Still, in the back of all their minds, they knew the days to come would become even more difficult.