Chapter 30 – As Heavy as Stone
Rolling over, Yuna unconsciously covered up her head at the sound of taping. When the thumping refused to relent, she groaned for a little bit and rolled over. She peeked open her blue eye, groggily awakened by the sound of a little bird fluttering next to her. It pecked occasionally at the Celsius' metal top, causing Yuna to wince in her sleep. She reach for a nonexistent pillow to smother over her head and groaned again when her sleepy mind realized she never brought a pillow with her to the deck last night. With a gigantic yawn, she woefully welcomed herself into another day.
The day, however, didn't welcome her back. Yuna wrapped herself up tightly in her blanket when her senses noticed such a frigid wind blowing across the bow, much like the one the night before. A sky shrouded in all places by a dismal cloak of thick clouds suspended above her. A heavy fog hung low to the ground around the Celsius, masking what may lay just beyond the borders of the ship. She felt the cold, metal top of the airship covered with morning dew. Staring unhappily at such a mysterious and familiar setting, she rubbed her eyes. With another, less intense yawn, she started standing up to enter the ship but stopped herself. Even though the dour surroundings were less than pleasant, she felt a sense of acceptance in the Moonflow. A comfort she embraced, even if it perplexed her.
Plopping herself back in the warm spot on the deck where she slept, Yuna gazed around. A few feet in front of her hopped the bird which woke her up. It continued its pecking across the Celsius' deck. Yuna smiled sadly, wishing she could enjoy such a simple existence. Such is life, she thought, but what about death?
A sudden whoosh sounded from behind her. Darting her head around, she saw Paine holding a platter of food. The smell lifted Yuna's mood up a little, her nose instantly recognized the odor of a delicious breakfast from Barkeep. She fully turned herself around and tried to greet her friend with some sort of pleasantness.
"Sleep well out here?" asked Paine, sitting the tray down in front of Yuna.
She nodded and replied, "Yeah, it wasn't too bad aside from the chilliness."
"Yeah, it is a bit cold out here. Lousy fog, huh?"
Paine smiled at Yuna, who scarfed down the plate of food in front of her. Yuna beamed more heartily this time but was reluctant to giggle out loud. Inset in Yuna's eyes still lingered the unending presence of heartache. Since they fought Kinoc in Kilika, Yuna progressively slid deeper and deeper into an abyss of depression. Seemingly unable to save Yuna from the quicksand she wallowed in, Paine tried all she knew to help Yuna.
"Seems you're enjoying the grub. Barkeep can cook up a decent breakfast," she joked, raising a slight glimmer of amusement out in Yuna.
Then without hesitation, Yuna changed her expression and became glum. She sighed, looking down at the bowl of warm oatmeal. Then she glanced up at Paine, who was still staring down at her. She finally wanted to speak; she wanted to let go of all the pain and suffering weighing her down, but she remained silent and went back to eating her food.
Hovering above her friend, Paine, outstretched her arm toward Yuna before hesitating. Paine frowned and retracted her arm. Letting out a short sigh, she traipsed slowly back to the lift, saying nothing to Yuna. Yuna kept her head down, not wanting to see the burdened expression carried by Paine. She sat for a moment, merely peering blankly at her half-empty bowl. Without warning, she violently threw her platter away, smashing its contents all over the Celsius' deck. She curled up, rocking back and forth, murmuring incessantly to herself. She remained frozen in place until the morning cleared up the fog, exposing the Moonflow around her.
After an hour, she suddenly clicked out of her decrepit state and stood up. Surveying what surrounded her, she huffed to herself. Throwing her head back, she let out a scream and followed up with another loud yell. This is what Tidus taught her to do when she felt overwhelmed, but never would he have ever imagined that it would sound so tormented. Yuna found it to have some positive effect, as she now regained her composure. Only one thing remained in her mind at this point—Tidus. It was either reuniting with her love, she decided, or her facing her end.
Not bothering to find any of her friends first, she left the Celsius. At first, she went to locate the little fayth, deep in the forest to the south. Her feet kept her next to the river. She looked down into its depths, examining the wavy appearance of the long-sunken machina city below the water. She recalled riding the shoopuf over this river. Her first ride, which was with Kimahri, always made her laugh. She dove headfirst into the water, causing the shoopuf she rode in to have a terrible scare. Then the second time she rode a shoopuf, it was with Tidus and the rest of her guardians. She chuckled to herself when she remembered that she was almost kidnapped here, by Rikku's brethren of all people. It was hard for her to imagine, but she realized that before becoming her guardian, she didn't know Rikku that well.
Yuna's attention darted to the sound of a shoopuf farther downstream sounding off. Another trip to the other side was about ready to commence. Hinting a smile, she put her arms behind her back. Thin streams of sunlight slipped through the cloud cover. The Moonflow remained cool, though the strong breeze from the early morning had settled. Save for just a few pyreflies hovering low across the banks of the river, this part of the Moonflow remained uninhabited. The affinity for the tranquility surrounding her calmed her anxiousness, making her glad she sacrificed so much to save Spira two years ago.
Nodding silently to herself, she left for the area of the forest where she first found the little fayth's hideaway. Glancing around, she searched for the break where the path to his cottage hid. Finally spotting it, she brushed back some thick greenery and started down the path. She struggled to determine where to go because so much overgrowth masked the path below. Carefully she plodded through the foliage, eventually rediscovering the fayth's cottage. Like the last time she approached the cottage, it appeared broken down and lifeless. Standing outside the door, she took in a deep inhale. Determination filled her veins. She would ask for the only desire that mattered.
Yuna knocked hard on the door and waited for a response. After a few seconds of pause, the little fayth answered. Although slightly startled, he seemed glad to see Yuna's presence once more.
"Come in, High Summoner," he greeted cheerfully. "I see you have come again."
She nodded, walking into the cottage. "Yes I have, and I'm here to request my wish."
He smiled now with even greater glee. "Yes, yes! Well then, please have a seat."
She complied and sat in his musty armchair. It emitted a pulsing squeak when she became seated, adding to the unnerving feeling creeping into her mind. Crossing her legs, she bobbed her head gently for a few moments before speaking.
"Fayth, I want you to fulfill the wish I need to survive," she conveyed with rigidness.
Standing next to a strange glowing sphere, the fayth turned to face her. "Of course. Tell me then, what is it your heart so greatly desires?"
Swallowing hard, she replied with all her thrust, "Tidus! I want Tidus back! Please, I want you to bring my love back into this world!"
After so many long days, she exclaimed the words that had always been bottled up in her heart. With the words now expressed outside of her mind, she felt some relief already, as the pressure had built up inside her for so long. The Fayth, though, didn't provide an immediate response, which created a hard knot in her stomach. The seconds felt like an eternity to her. She watched with great intent the fayth pacing around her.
Then he flicked himself around to face Yuna. "I'm sorry, but that just is not possible."
Yuna about fell out of the chair from these words. The words she never wanted to hear, the words she refused to believe. Leaping out of the chair, she darted at him and grabbed him by his collar in a fit of rage.
"What are you saying? How can you not be able to bring him back? You're a fayth!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, her eyes bulging and red.
"Please, Lady Yuna. No one can bring him back. I cannot bring back what doesn't exist."
At this, Yuna's heart all but faded from life. She released him, thumping him on the floor. Her eyes glazed over, and her chest squeezed together. Then the tears came—more painful and numerous than any human could hope to imagine. She slumped to the dirty floor, her cries echoing throughout the house. It felt as if a thousand knives stabbed into her soul. She couldn't, and wouldn't, face the reality that Tidus was lost to her forever. Finally, she succumbed to the agony.
The fayth crept over to her, tugging at her shoulder. "Dear summoner, if you truly are that sad, maybe you, too, should disappear."
Through her tears, she gazed up at him. "What do you mean?"
"You don't want your friends to be drowned because of your sorrow, correct?" he asked, with an odd smile on his face.
Yuna nodded. "All I'm doing is hurting everyone around me. I can't be with them anymore. Please, what can I do?"
"I can construct a duplicate of you," he explained. "Which will live with them for you. While you . . . can determine your own fate."
Her scrambled mind couldn't process such a proposition until the dejected faces of her friends appeared in her mind. Without hesitation, she agreed and wanted him to do so immediately. He explained to her that he could manipulate the pyreflies to copy her body and soul. Perhaps it wouldn't be a perfect copy, but it would be as close as possible. Close enough to be indistinguishable. She nodded and watched as he gathered together a swarm of pyreflies. Refracting off her teary eyes, shimmering colorful light formed together to become a simulacrum. She stared in awe at this carbon copy which did appear to truly be her.
"This copy of you will remain dormant until you wish to animate it. It will become alive when you will it to be," he explained, still with a smile spread across his face.
Yuna paid no attention to the fayth. She marveled at herself. Carefully she touched her duplicate, grazing her hand across the cheek. She turned her head to the fayth, astounded by his magic.
"How did you do this?" she questioned, even if his answer didn't matter in her mind.
He shrugged. "With pyreflies tied to your life force. It's a simple trick really."
A beam of ethereal light tethered to the fayth's right hand. The simulacrum floated in the air like a ghost, but it stayed tied to the fayth while he walked around the room.
"If you are ready to take possession, I will give this to you," he stated, gesturing to Yuna.
She nodded her head and took control of her silent copy. The fayth apologized once more for not being able to grant her true wish, but she understood it was not within his power. At least, she now had a way to prevent her friends from being torn down by the insurmountable sadness aching inside Yuna. With her floating copy in tow, Yuna returned to the Celsius. When she boarded the ship, she found no one around to discover her new counterpart. To a small compartment inside the engine room, she walked. On the floor, she laid the body. The tether of light disappeared without a thought from Yuna's mind. She hesitated to do anything, simply staring down at the breathless copy of herself.
Unsure of what to do, Yuna left the compartment. Searching around the hallway, she made sure nobody saw her in the room. Once convinced all was clear, she headed for the cabin. She needed time to think, time to contemplate just what her next action should be. On her bed, she went to sit and attempt to come up with some solution that wouldn't hurt her friends. Footsteps interrupted her thoughts. Rikku climbed up the stairs, happily surprised to see her cousin sitting on her bed.
"Hi, Yunie! What'cha doing?" she chirped, waving to Yuna.
All but in a daze, Yuna didn't realize her cousin's entrance. Once she realized Rikku had plopped next to her, she stammered to say a word. Of all the vulnerable times to be seen by a friend, Yuna felt, this was the worse. She went to get up and flee, but there was nothing Yuna could do as Rikku put her arms around her.
"C'mon Yunie, don't look so glum," she whispered in her ear.
"I wish I could. It's, um, such a dreary day out," she replied, darting her gaze to prevent herself from looking directly at Rikku.
Rikku scrunched her face. "On grey days, it's good to think about what makes you happy! There must be something that will make you happy. Just tell me, Yunie."
Yuna twisted her head to look directly at Rikku. "Of course there is. I want Tidus back. It's that simple."
Rikku rose from the bed and placed her hands on her hips, letting out a sharp sigh. "I get it. You just . . . Yunie, you need to move on. Just forget about him."
Yuna's eyes ignited in rage. She stood up, turning around to slap Rikku against her cheek, knocking her back a step. Half dazed, half infuriated, Rikku balanced herself, not knowing how to react. She covered the stinging red handprint on her face, glaring at Yuna. Both connected in a stare of seething anger.
"This is your problem, Yuna! This is your problem! Why can't you let go? All you're doing is driving us mad! You're so stupid! I hate you!" she screamed, then stomped downstairs and out of the cabin.
Yuna gasped as she watched her fevered cousin run away in tears. She cried out in hideous pain, begging for forgiveness. Storming out of the cabin, Rikku refused to acknowledge Yuna's plea. For a long moment, Yuna stood at the top of the stairs, her hand remaining outstretched towards where Rikku had raced off. Stumbling down the stairs, Yuna collapsed in a crying heap. She couldn't harm her friends any longer.
Rising to her feet, Yuna staggered back to the compartment in the engine room which held her fraudulent copy. For a while, she looked at herself, examining from head to toe everything she was. The copy appeared to be everything Yuna existed as, even down to the distraught expression on her face. She hated the grim reflection on her face.
Closing her eyes, she breathed heavily. This turmoil had to end—Yuna made her decision. No more would she try to push through or hide from her pain. Whether or not she ran or fought, she would never be happy again. Taking out one of her pistols, she stared down again at herself lying on the floor, tears streaming down her face. Placing the gun to her head, Yuna wept. Her hand trembled as her finger slowly gripped the trigger. Finally, the nightmare would end.
Heard around the ship, a shot rang out. Alarmed by the sudden noise, the entire crew ran to where they heard it from. Paine entered the engine room first, only to see the most horrific sight of her life. Yuna's body lay lifeless on the floor, engulfed in a swarm of pyreflies. Brother and Rikku rushed in next, only to see the same ghastly sight as Paine. For a moment, Rikku didn't believe what lay right in front of her. With a hideous burst, she screamed, sprinting toward her cousin's body. It was too late for goodbyes, as she was nothing more than fluttering pyreflies.
"No! No, Yuna! Oh no, what have you done? No . . ."
Brother silently walked over to his sister. She sprang into his arms and buried her face into his chest, balling in an uncontrollable fit. She lashed out at nothing in particular and flared around so badly that it was all Brother could do just to hold onto her.
"Bring her back. I'm sorry. Please Yunie, come back!"
Paine's body trembled enough to stumble her off her feet. She crumpled to the floor. Only the sound of Rikku's pleas, and the sound of the pyreflies floating away, echoed inside the ship. Paine, Buddy, and Brother all looked on as the final few pyreflies waned, fading away into the ether with what was their friend. Yuna was gone.