He asked Miss Ritchi to get him a book recommendation for Christmas. He's dying to know which books his former kidnapee enjoys. It's like a peek into her bewitching mind.
He shouldn't even get access to something as valuable as this. Certainly not as a supervillain, but ahhhhh he's not a supervillain anymore. He is normal in all its delicious glory.
When they meet at the botanical garden, the book hiding for him under the wrapping paper paints a rousing picture indeed.
Across their table in the small cafe area, he gave her a smile that reached his eyes behind his glasses. "A haunted house at Christmas? Gothic literature…"
His nimble fingers eagerly leafed through the pages before flipping it back over to touch the Christmas tree on the cover.
"Umhm. There's a chilling evil scientist, and ghosts, and a girl who likes to get into trouble," she laughs and he throws a look up at her.
What enticing ingredients… his exciting Temptress.
"Well, who can resist a heroine prone to mischief?"
"Exactly. Michelle is a delight!" She smiles down into her apple spice tea, blowing over the rimmed cup.
"Thank you, Roxanne. I'm going to read this tonight," he grins a crooked smile.
"Hope it doesn't give you nightmares."
"Mmm. I hope it does." He flicks his eyebrows at her and she rolls her eyes. "Now then. Would you like your present?"
"Ohh," she sighs, watching him pull out a red pen from an interior pocket and roll it mesmerizingly over his knuckles. Her eyes track his clever fingers with interest.
"This button," he twirls the pen and points to a black button. "Is for the umbrella. This one, for the temperature function. Touch and slide for increase and decrease. And this button on top," he clicks it, "is for the taser."
"Woah."
He pulls two more pens out of his pocket and lays them across the table. "Your penbrella is sleeker than mine. I managed to shave off 1.64 millimeters so it's comparable to the average ink pen." He gestures between the three and she leans over the table.
"I was not sure if you wanted a GPS function, but it can be added easily if you like."
"How did you fit all that inside this?" Roxanne picked up her penbrella, rolling it in her hand. "Does it write, too?"
He laughs, lifting an eyebrow, "Of course. What kind of… hobbyist would I be if my pen didn't write?"
"I love the weight in my hands."
He ruffled at the praise, watching her pass it back and forth, before raising her eyes to his. "Where did you learn how to make stuff like this?"
"Ah," his smile tightened. "Just sort of playing around, I guess? I'm resourceful."
Definitely not spending a childhood in prison, bored and desperate, nooooo.
He chose his words carefully though. Despite his brain screaming at the paradox, he was trying not to lie to her when he could help it.
Oh, you mean like pretending to be some museum hench-employee?
" And clever ," she purred. "I'm impressed, Mr. Kropp."
She tilted a smile at him. Then her grin widened when he squirmed at her flirting.
Ahaha. Does she—know what she just said ? Because it's going to be his brain's favorite track from now until the end of time.
"Thank you," he laughed suddenly, looking away. He ran a hand over the back of his neck, then his hands straightened things around on the table.
He was saved by the waiter bringing their checks. They signed their bills, then this gracious person invited him to walk through the park.
And he shouldn't. It's dangerous to spend too much time with her. But.
His heeled boots tapped on the wet pavement, sidestepping around a couple of darting cardinals. Birds chirped hungrily, flocking to the red winter berries and not paying the pair any mind.
"Are murder mysteries your favorite?"
"Oh, no. I like romance the most. But spooky romance can be very thrilling."
Roxanne stepped a little closer to him, brushing their arms, and he took a step sideways to correct her accident.
"Ah," he grinned, "Is my new book a romance then?"
"Yes. Do you like romance?"
"Mmm," he nods, "I can…." He bit his lip. Can he… say much here? If his opinion is different than hers, she might get really offended… but. Maybe it would… be ok?
"Although some of it seems… on the excessive side of far-fetched for my tastes."
She tilts her head at him. "Yeah? In which ways?"
He wrinkled his nose. "Some novels rely heavily on protagonists dating two people at the same time."
"Love triangles?" she laughed. "Those are terrible. But very entertaining at times."
"I just don't see the appeal."
Roxanne laughed harder, nudging her elbow into his arm. Leaving a warm spot that he was itching to touch.
"No, I get it."
"Another thing that sort of has that, n-n-ngh —" he wiggles his shoulders, "factor is when they make the ah–" he darts his eyes at her, "—when the… physical aspects are non-consensual, but still seen as good? I feel like that one is in Westerns."
He usually ended up physically throwing those across the room. Some people may like that stuff but, nope. Nuh uh. Not for him.
"Ah, no. No . I hate that." She squeezes her arm, shoulders rising. "Definitely bad for me. This book has none of that stuff… What's your preferred genre then? "
"Post-apocalyptic fiction is always fun."
"Oh no. You might hate this book then. It's sort of… old-fashionedy."
"Please." He feigns a dramatic hand over his chest. "As if evil could ever go out of fashion."
He watched her brow furrow adorably at him as a raindrop hit his cheek. He turned his face up to catch another.
"Oh–"
" Дерьмо !" he cursed, hand patting over his jacket pockets. "Ah, my, my–" He jumps at another few droplets, quickly dashing under a pavilion a few feet away.
No no no no no no no. Not waterproof! He's made so many improvements! But no no he had to ignore the 13 sticky notes reminding him to waterproof this peeving watch!
Bernard 2.0 scowled up at the sky as Roxanne strolled over to join him.
"I seem to have left my penbrella at the garden."
"Oh, should we go back for it?"
"Probably," he grumbled, shuffling his feet back and forth.
Roxanne pulled out her pen and clicked open her umbrella. "Here, we can use mine?"
She tilts a soft eyebrow, the caramel undertones in her hair catching in the light attractively. How… soft must it be? It looks soft. It looks perfect to run his fingers through.
He pulls his eyes back down to hers. "Thank you."
"Bernard… Are you scared of thunderstorms?"
Shoot.
Green eyes widened. "Um. Y-yes? Well no. I'm just, I'm afraid to get wet at the moment. Is that—that's weird, isn't it?"
Gah, that is suspicious. That is so so suspicious.
She lifted a shoulder. "We all have something that bothers us. I don't like bridges. I can make myself go across them, but, they still freak me out."
"I didn't know that," he murmured.
She holds the umbrella out. He tilts his head, taking it.
"Oh, okay. Let me just–" She loops her arm through his and brings their bodies together. "There. Now we'll only get a little wet."
Bernard's body froze next to her. He can smell her strawberry shampoo. It's dizzying .
"Ready?"
"I-in the rain?"
She smiles. "I like walking in the rain. But I'll wait with you if you don't want to."
He almost jolts back at the offer. It's weird. So so weird to have her be so nice to him like this. Sure, she wasn't cruel and cold as his kidnapee. She pointed out the flaws in his plan, but she never pointed a mocking finger at his creepy alien features.
But nice , going out the the way to do something for him is not something he's used to.
Huh.
"I hope these water walks are not a winter habit, Miss Ritchi," he smirked, glancing suspiciously up at the rain before stepping out with her. "Staying cold and wet for extensive periods of time can lower your immune system."
She hummed lightly and wrapped her other hand around his arm, squeezing closer as they walked. He almost missed a step.
"So, why are you so wonderfully resourceful?"
Their shoes tapped on the wet pavement as he stayed quiet for a moment.
"The most common denominator points to necessity, I think. My… caretaker is outstanding at many things, but not everything. But I also get bored easily," he added, turning his pointy chin to her.
"I understand that. I always have to have something to do. Can't just sit on a beach and stare without a frisbee, or a sketchbook, or something. How do some people just turn their brains off?"
"I wish I knew," he sighed. "Sometimes."
They stood together, waiting for the crosswalk to change, rain pattering against the umbrella. Roxanne shifted a little closer to him against the wind and Megamind tightened his fingers on the penbrella.
"This is so great, Roxaroo! Do you think they have dog treats?"
Roxanne held the door for PupCafe open for him and raised an eyebrow. "As in for dogs? Probably. Yes, two please."
Hal walked right next to her, hand on her lower back so she had to speed-walk around the hostess to escape his handsy fingers.
"Your server will be right with you. And we do ask that you don't feed the dogs any tablescraps. They would get quite sick eating people food all day."
"Not a problem, thank you."
Around them, a few dogs available for adoption walked around wagging their tails at people. A small mix breed was lying in a bed in the corner, getting pets. She smiled at a little boy trying to sneak a labrador a french fry before his father scolded him.
"So pretty lady, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"
Roxanne grimaced across the table.
"Hal, remember, we're just getting a quick bite before our shoot. This is not a date. It's work."
"Right, right," he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.
Ugh, this was such a bad idea.
"Oh, ollo, Roxanne."
Her face whipped up with a smile. "Bernard! Hi! Uh, this is my coworker Hal. Hal, this is the guy I was telling you about."
Hal curls his lip up at him. "Ewe. He's a waiter ?"
"Hal!"
Bernard laughs. "Brave one, isn't he?" He leaned on one hip and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Must be to insult the person handling his food."
"I am so sorry about him. Hal, apologize."
"What? No. I didn't say anything. He is a waiter."
"It's the way you said it," she griped. "You know what, maybe we should just go.."
"Please stay," Bernard urged with a warm voice, green green eyes burning into hers.
"Yeah, let's go, Roxie. I don't want to eat here anyway."
Liar. He chose this place and begged and begged saying it was right by their shoot.
Fingertips touched her upper arm, and she turned to Bernard's charming smile.
"You can leave, of course. But, would you like to see the back first, Roxanne? Meet some more dogs?"
She stood up, cheeks warming. "I'd love to." Taking a chance, she slid her fingers into his and threw a polite smile over her shoulder. "See you at the shoot at 2 Hal. You should find a lunch spot you would prefer."
When she turned to follow Bernard, his cheeks were pink and he had a wobbly smile on his lips.
"Hey, I'll just follow you," Hal scoffed, tailing them toward the back room. "I'm basically, like, her bodyguard. So. I have to go everywhere she does."
They stepped through the door before Bernard circled around, blocking the door with his body.
"Sorry, staff and invited guests only." He smiled, then shut the door. "Ah, sorry," he ran his hand over the back of his neck.
"No, no please. I'm sorry about Hal. He's… rude."
Bernard grinned at her and she stepped closer, holding his eyes as she slid her hand into his again. When her fingers touched his, his eyes popped wide, flicking down to their hands before up and away.
Stars, he's so expressive. So open with his emotions, almost to the point of dramatic. But passion has always been extremely attractive to her. But those eyes? They're striking.
As the dogs spotted Bernard coming in, several popped up to rush over and greet him. A pretty dog with long floppy ears eagerly licked at his free hand.
"Uh. Um, this is Bradbury. He's a 3-year-old spaniel mix."
"Oooo, hi Bradbury."
He continued quickly, "And uh, this is King, and Christie, and Orwell, and Porkchop–"
"Porkchop?" she giggled, reaching toward the wrinkly short dog whose whole butt started wagging at the mention of his name. "Awwe, what happened, honey, did they run out of authors?"
"He ah, came with that name."
"Miss Ritchi!" A very tall, very muscular man comes out of a door labeled kitchen and smiles broadly at her.
Bernard squeezes her hand suddenly.
"Ah, oh wow!" The tall man says. "It's Roxanne Ritchi! Why I didn't know the news would be here today. Are you doing a story on us?"
"Oh, no," she says politely, reaching her free hand up to touch Bernard's shoulder. "Just here with a friend today. Love this place though. Um. What was your name?"
His brown eyes darted down to his name tag and back up. "Uh, John. Hello, I'm John."
She grinned, "It's nice to meet you, John."
John lowers his gaze to where they're holding hands. Oh no, is she going to get Bernard in trouble? Hopefully not.
"Nice to meet you too, Miss Ritchi. I'm going to go, fill some orders." He smiled awkwardly, pointing to the door.
"Oh, haha Orwell." Roxanne dropped to her knees to run her hands over the silky black fur of the dog who was nuzzling against her.
"This one's Christie."
She smiled back up at Bernard, then back down to the dog. "Ohhh Christie. Of course. Because you're a pretty baby, aren't you? Yes, oh! Haha–" she laughed, falling to sit on the floor as Christie tried her best to crawl into her lap.
This was apparently the signal for several other dogs to come wagging up to her as well, hoping for walkies or attention. A very large Bernese mountain dog with big brown eyes came up to lean hopefully against her arm, pushing her sideways.
"Woah!" She giggled, struggling to stay upright as Bernard snickered at her. She reached a hand upwards through the fluff, meeting his eyes. "Help? I think I'm, I'm stuck."
He chuckled, clasping his hand in hers to tug her upwards. She shook herself off, then looked down at her clothes, pulling on the hem of her shirt.
Ah. Lots of dog glitter, of course.
"I better get the lint roller from the van. I have to be on the air in a few hours."
"Oh, uh, I can walk you? If you want. Not that um. Do you want me to walk with you?"
"Mmm. I don't know, I might shed on you." She followed him out the back door.
"Ahh, but the hazards are worth the reward of your entrancing company."
"Oh yes, you are under a spell at the moment. Glad you figured it out."
"Amortentia?"
She whipped a smirk at him. "Why, Bernard, what a cheeky insinuation. Do you think I'm trying to seduce you?"
His mouth popped open and he blinked a couple of times. "Ah."
She paused and turned to him, leaning a little closer. "Because I hope that if I were, you would be certain of it."
Bernard tilted his head, raising an eyebrow. "Hmm. I would hope that if you sought to tempt me, your mannerisms would make the intent obvious." A small smile played on his lips.
"Maybe you're just oblivious."
"Maybe you're just a tease."
"I think you like to be teased." She tried to take a step closer but he gracefully stepped away with a smirk.
"Maybe."
"Ahhh, so you're asking me to seduce you, is that it?"
"What? Um, no? No, that would be…" He looked at her, pressing his lips together.
"Naughty?"
"A bad idea," he finished.
She caught up to him again, placing fingertips on his elbow. "Do you know what I think?"
Green eyes widened, watching her carefully as she leaned closer, closer to his ear. She touched her tongue to the outside rim of his ear, hearing his breath catch, then slowly dragged it up.
"Ho-o-o," he blew out a ragged breath, shuddering and she scurried away, giggling.
"Wha–? Hey!"
Roxanne cackled over her shoulder, running around the van. She turned to see where he was and he spun around the corner, crashing into her against the van. Patch, so fast!
Hands on either side of her on the van, Bernard pushed up, leveling her with green green eyes.
"Caught you," he rasped, sending tingles down her spine.
She whispered back, "What are you going to do with me?"
His eyes dropped, lifted back up before a devious smirk curled his lips. Her breath caught, wondering if he was going to kiss her.
He lifted a finger, touched it to her forehead, then dragged it down her face to pinch her chin.
"Who knows?" he grinned, stepping back so she could breathe again.
Roxanne got as much dog hair as she could off of her clothes before she walked him back to work.
"So, is it hard to juggle having a second job at the dog cafe?"
"Not really. I'm a volunteer, so the hours are really flexible."
"Oh."
"I've wanted a dog for… forever, but I'm not sure I am nurturing enough to take care of one. So. I thought this would be a good way to spend time with them."
"And be a good person, of course."
"O-of course."
She nodded, smiling down to her feet.
"Is the station giving you Christmas off?"
"Yes, I worked my 12-hour Thanksgiving shift, so I get Christmas this year."
"12 hours?"
She shrugged. "News doesn't stop for holidays."
"I guess not…" he murmured.
"It's not so bad. Almost all the cubicles are empty except for like 3. I usually watch movies at my desk and wait for something to break. We just run pre-done fluff stuff all day anyway. Sometimes the weather guy brings his dog in. One time Ulani brought her kid in all day, that was fun. We played Candy Land," she laughed.
"They let you bring people in?"
"Eeeeeh," she grinned. "You're not really supposed to. But people do it all the time for holidays. I mean 12 hours alone on Christmas? No. What about you?"
He nods. "I've never had to spend Christmas completely alone. That sounds difficult. I usually meet up with whatever uncle is around."
"That sounds nice. Watch Christmas movies and stuff?"
"Mostly play poker."
"Ooooh that sounds way more fun than my family's Christmas. We play Uno for hours and then watch black and white Christmas movies exclusively made in the 40s and 50s. I like those movies but, I'm dying for some variety."
"Paragliding?"
"Ooo that would be amazing ."
Bernard laughed and she nudged her arm with his. "We should just go to an amusement park for Christmas. Or cliff diving!"
"In winter?"
"Nooo we would go somewhere warm!" She sighed. "Not enough vacation days saved up for any more trips though. I'll just have to do something local… I get back on the 27th. Maybe I can go axe throwing or go to the docks or something…" she hinted.
"Mmm. That's a good idea."
"Yeah? Think it would be fun? I haven't been on the Ferris wheel since I was a kid." She bites her lip, waiting, waiting.
Why… isn't he asking her out? Is he not interested?
"Ah… nevermind." She shoves her hands into her pockets awkwardly, shuffling back and forth on her feet as they reach the cafe. "It's. Probably dumb."
"Did you want to go together?"
She looks at him, meets his eyes long enough to watch the blush crawl up his neck.
"I'd love to."