-O-

Picturebook Romance

A Trolls fanfic

By Dreamsinger

Chapter Seventy

Memory Lane 3: Seeking Forgiveness

Safely snuggled among my loved ones, I sighed contentedly. Hugs really are the best. I can totally see why Poppy wants me to hug her when she has an anxiety attack.

When you were hugging people, soothed by their warmth, their breathing, their heartbeats… It was more than just relaxing. For a little while, everything just stops. No need to think, or worry, or plan for future troubles. You're free to just…be.

Words were important, as well. I'd always hated talking about my feelings, but now that I was getting more comfortable with it, unburdening myself to someone I trusted made me feel so free. I'd had five anxiety attacks myself in the past three days; more than in the past few months, and yet here I was, feeling okay.

More than okay. I feel really, really good. I sighed again, letting myself melt into the togetherness. Maybe hugs can't fix all the emotional problems in the world, but I have to admit they're a pretty good short-term therapy.

I heard an answering sigh and opened my eyes to see Poppy gazing lovingly at me. When she saw me looking, she winked and made a silly face. I laughed, and let go of my companions, who looked as peaceful as I felt.

Leafe began to smile broadly. "What?" I asked, curious.

"Seeing you so content…. It makes me happy, and grateful for the part I was able to play in your healing. It was absolutely worth all the work I put in."

I tilted my head. "Work?"

Leafe took that as an invitation to continue his tale. "The day I went to the medical pod and saw how distressed you were, I wanted to help you so much. And yet, for possibly the first time in my life, I felt truly inadequate. It worried me, to the point where I couldn't sleep that night. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to meet your needs. So, the next morning I did what a good scholar always does when faced with a challenge," he said brightly.

"Research," Poppy, Cherry Blossom and I chorused, then laughed.

Leafe grinned. "Precisely. I wanted to know everything I could about you before you arrived, so I spent the next month speaking with those trolls who knew you best. I studied every book I could find on psychology, trolling-rearing, and pod management. I also," he made a wry face, "went home and asked my parents to teach me how to do laundry, and other basic podhold tasks. They were happy to teach me. So I wasn't at odds with them for very long, in case you're still worried about that, Branch."

I nodded, glad to hear that, and happy to know Leafe understood me so well.

Leafe continued, "I knew that most of what I learned I could have figured out on my own in time, but I wanted to avoid as many mistakes as possible. Laurel, Jaunty, and Courtley had all emphasized that you needed to feel as if you were with someone competent in order to feel safe. I wanted you to know you were in good hands. Physically, and emotionally, too. I'd met you already, which was helpful in anticipating your needs, but in a village of individuals, you were more 'individual' than most. I knew your needs would be different than the average troll's. Your outlook on life was very…unique."

-O-

"Yeah, I was the weird, emotionally damaged, pessimistic shut-in who didn't like to sing, dance, or hug." I commented dryly. "The guy who had regular freak-outs in public when I did go out. The gray grump who rubbed everyone the wrong way."

"Well…"

I raised an eyebrow. "I know the other trolls came to you with complaints about me. That I was," I used my fingers as I listed, "argumentative, exasperating, offensive, even hostile."

-O-

I remembered those times all too well. After a bad day, I'd come home and hole up in my room for hours, leaving poor Leafe to take the heat when people came to complain. Usually he was able to calm them down and send them on their way.

Afterward, unlike most of my foster parents, he never seemed disappointed in me, or angry. True to his quiet nature, he usually didn't directly confront me about my behavior at all. Instead, he would stay in our pod and read, or do household chores, or work on a project or something. I knew he was making himself available in case I felt like talking about it.

Eventually, when I calmed down, I would come out of my room and help him with whatever it was. Sometimes I would talk about my problems, sometimes not. He would listen attentively to anything I did say, letting me get it all out, but unlike most trolls he wasn't in a hurry to tell me what to do next. It wasn't in his nature to issue orders. Instead he left it up to me to decide.

I didn't know what to make of that at first. "You're not going to tell me what to do?"

"You're almost an adult," he explained. "I can offer advice, but I think you should be the one making your own choices, Branchkin. You're going to be the one who has to live with the consequences, after all."

As I got to know him, I often took him up on his offer. "What would you do in this situation if you were me?"

Usually my clever roommate's advice was sound, which encouraged me to trust him more. Also, I appreciated the lack of "I told you so" vibe. It was a refreshing dynamic, to be treated as an equal rather than a trolling. I wasn't a baby anymore.

In keeping with that, Leafe rarely scolded me. Not unless I really crossed the line. Even then, his "scoldings" were a lot like the painfully earnest talks my dads used to have with me. "Other people have feelings, too. I know you feel bad, but is it fair to take out your feelings on innocent trolls? How would you like to be treated like that?"

The future teacher knew exactly what to say to me to have me squirming in shame and promising to try to do better. Also, whether or not he intended them to be, his little talks also served as a subtle reminder that the only reason I was still in the village at all was due to him volunteering to take me in. I knew that if I ever caused another village-wide uproar, I'd undoubtedly be banished. I owed it to Leafe to do my best not to cause trouble for him.

-O-

I'd never really told him so back then, but I was grateful for the refuge he'd provided. "I'm sorry, Leafe. I know I put you through a lot," I said quietly. "I know it wasn't easy."

Leafe hesitated, but one of the things I appreciated most about him was his honesty. "Well, that's true. I can't deny that there were times when things were…less than fun."

He was quiet for a minute, then unexpectedly added, "But I was prepared for that. I knew you had a tendency to worry about, well, everything. But I also knew that you didn't usually get into confrontations out of sheer hostility. You see, Laurel had explained to me that you were just…" His eyes shifted upward as he drew on his extraordinary memory. "'Highly conscientious, extremely meticulous. I truly admire his dedication to the highest standards,'" she told me. "'Branchkin always says, "Do it right the first time." So it's not surprising that people whose standards are a little more casual would bother him.'"

I blinked. "Yeah, that's right. She said that?"

Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised. Laurel and I had usually been on the same page when it came to things like correct calibration and calculations before construction.

"Yes," Leafe replied. "Laurel said you had a hard time putting your trust in people. Skeptical to the point that you couldn't take them at their word, not without verifying their information in some way. So you'd conduct investigations, experiments, and so on."

"Yeah. People didn't like that. No one wants their honesty questioned. I get that, but I can't tell you how many times I found out people were exaggerating, or trying to pass off their opinion as fact. Or just plain guessing, out of sheer, baseless optimism. Accurate information is important to me," I explained.

Leafe shrugged amiably. "As a scholar, accurate information is important to me, too. And I love doing experiments. I've never had a problem with that."

I nodded and crossed my arms, satisfied. "Hm. Maybe the reason Laurel was so meticulous was because of my good influence," I said proudly.

"I never thought of it that way, but yeah, I can see that," Poppy piped up. "You do like being right. And telling other people when they're wrong."

I frowned. "Do you have to phrase it like that? You make me sound like I went around criticizing people just to be a - an opinionated perfectionist."

"You mean you didn't?" she asked with wide eyes. I couldn't tell if she was teasing me or not, but I didn't ask. If she wasn't, I didn't want to know.

A little uncertainly, I looked at Cherry Blossom, wondering what she thought of all this. "It's true that you had extremely high standards, Branch. You expected a lot from the trolls around you; perhaps too much. And then when they disappointed you, you could be…a bit of a grump. Sometimes." Holding her fingers about an inch apart, the ruby-red troll winked cheerfully at me, which made me feel better. Maybe I had gone a little overboard at times, but at least she didn't hold it against me.

She confirmed that by affectionately patting my arm. "I just took that as a sign that you cared, Branch."

"We understood you, you know," Leafe said gently. "You're family."

"Aww." My girlfriend beamed back and forth between us all as I stood there, speechless with wonder. Gladness, gratitude, and joy washed over me. Yet it didn't overwhelm me, as it would have if this conversation had happened a year ago. Maybe I was building up some affection tolerance after all.

"He's right, Branch," Cherry Blossom said softly. "We understood that you just wanted everything to turn out right, and you worked hard to try to make that happen. Besides, fun and games might have been low on your priority list, but that didn't mean you didn't have a sense of humor. You had your own forms of play, if one bothered to look for them. Like word games." She laughed. "And a certain snarky appreciation for all things ironic."

I smiled. "Thanks, Cheery."

"That's Branch, all right," Poppy said cheerfully. "As persnickety as they come. But we love him anyway."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, I think."

My friends chuckled. "Oh, life with you could be challenging, but we truly appreciated your company, Branch," Leafe affirmed. "You had your own brand of logic, true, but that made you interesting. You were always a good sounding board for my ideas."

He crossed his arms, tapping on cheek thoughtfully. "It was an equal partnership, really. Your practical way of looking at things combined with my vast storehouse of memorized knowledge made us a team that was pretty hard to beat. Between us, we could solve any problem."

Nostalgia colored my tone. "Yeah… I guess we were a pretty good team, weren't we?"

"We were indeed, Branch," Leafe said warmly. "You were a good friend, and a good student, too. When I began tutoring you, it delighted me to see how quick you were to understand and remember. And as I said, you were highly conscientious, and responsible. You were the first student I'd ever tutored that never had to be reminded to do your homework. Not even once. Believe me, I appreciated that!" He let out a big, happy laugh, which made me smile.

"As I recall, the only subjects you had a little difficulty with were things like empathy lessons, and of course, anything involving music and singing. Or things meant to encourage a healthy sense of play. But you had strengths, too. You were always much better than I was at physical things. When something broke, you liked taking it apart and fixing it, or even building something entirely new, if needed. Remember the day you and Acorn rebuilt the frame for my hammock? I still use it to this day, and I've never had a problem with it…"

-O-

I relaxed, listening to my old friend wax nostalgic. It was true that I had gotten along better with Leafe than with most of the trolls I'd stayed with. Leafe really had made me feel welcome. After he'd said that he liked me, I couldn't help but let my guard down a little. It hadn't taken long for the mild-mannered boy with the phenomenal appetite for knowledge to become a friend.

It helped that Leafe truly hadn't seemed to condemn me for my past choices, like some of the other trolls had. Trolls like my classmate, Creek, who disguised their condemnation behind false sympathy and "jokes." He used to say it was my fault. That he wouldn't want to irritate me so much if I didn't keep starting fights.

As much as I hated to admit it, Creek had a point. Even now, I wasn't exactly the nicest troll in the village. Not by a long shot. I wondered how many trolls still thought about past conflicts whenever they saw me. Probably a lot. I sighed, feeling the weight of my past dragging me down. Will I ever be able to overcome my old reputation?

Making up with my dads and Acorn had been something I hadn't known I needed so badly, but it was only the tip of the hair when it came to reconciling with an entire village.That reminded me of a well-known troll tenet: You can't make up if no one apologizes.

I studied my friends thoughtfully. I knew Leafe and Cherry Blossom were generous enough to let all the problems I'd caused them be bygones. But as long as we were talking about the past, like with Acorn, I wanted to be absolutely sure there were no hidden resentments left unaired.

"Thanks for the words of affirmation," I finally said, when Leafe paused to take a breath. "Can I just say, if there is anything I might have done that really hurt either of you, tell me about it, and I'll apologize. And if I can, I'd like to make it up to you."

"That's sweet, Branch," Cherry Blossom said, touched. "I appreciate the sentiment."

I waited, but she seemed to be done. "Okay… Are we good?" I asked carefully.

She opened her arms. "We are."

I hugged her warmly. "Let me know if you need anything repaired around your pod, okay?"

-O-

Poppy watched the heartwarming sight with glee. Look at them being all bond-y with each other. Another successful Walk down Memory Lane. Only one more to go. Oh, I'm so excited I could just sing!

She almost did, but just then Branch finished hugging Cherry Blossom and turned to Leafe. Poppy held her breath gleefully, waiting for another heartwarming conversation.

It didn't go quite the way she thought it would.

-O-

My former roommate surprised me by saying, "We're good, my friend. But as long as we're mutually apologizing for the past, I'd like to say I'm sorry, too."

I blinked. "For what?"

"Well, I know I wasn't always the easiest troll to live with, any more than you were." He shrugged. "I'm not perfect. We all have flaws. For example, you may have noticed that I can be, shall we say," he gave me a wry grin, "less than punctual at times."

Somehow that made me feel better. "True." I smirked. "Okay, I forgive you for all the times you annoyed me by being late." Feeling generous, I chose not to comment on the strategy I'd had to come up with to manage the flaw in his otherwise commendable character.

As I shared a warm hug with my friend, Cherry Blossom spoke up. "That reminds me, dear. Don't forget we're attending Plum's gathering tonight."

Leafe turned to his wife, replying mildly, "That's fine, honey. I should be done by then."

"Dear." To my surprise, Cherry Blossom frowned lightly at her husband, placing a hand on her hip. It reminded me of an indignant Poppy, although her tone was considerably gentler as she told him, "Did you forget we need to drop off some library books and pick up some food first?"

"No, but I'm sure there's time."

"Leafe, this event is important. Are you sure this a good time to start a new project?"

Uneasiness filled my belly as Leafe protested, "It's not new, I started it yesterday. I just need to check on it and record the results. It should only take a few minutes. Even if it takes a little longer, I'm sure we can be a little late. You know these things never start exactly on time. And besides, no one minds."

"I mind, thank you very much." Her tone was quiet but firm.

My stomach was in knots now. Quickly I broke in before things could get any worse. "What are you guys doing?"

They both turned to look at me. "What do you mean, Branch?" Leafe asked.

"This. You're fighting!" I waved an agitated hand back and forth between them. "You two never used to fight, or-or-or-" I gestured to Leafe "-be worried, or scared about stuff. What happened?" I asked in concern. "Are you two not getting along? Is there anything I can do to help?"

They looked at one another in mild surprise. "Thank you, Branch, but nothing's wrong," Cherry Blossom assured me. "We're not fighting. We're just having a disagreement."

"We've always had disagreements," Leafe explained patiently. "Mostly minor ones, but we are two separate people, after all. We may have a lot in common, but we're not mere copies of one another. There are bound to be times when each of us wants something different."

"But… I've never seen you act like this." My voice had a hint of tremor in it, betraying my anxiety. "You guys were always so chill."

Their faces softened. "Oh, Branch," Cherry Blossom said softly. "We're sorry for scaring you. But we really are all right."

"Sorry, Branch." Leafe filled his cheeks with air and let it out with a thoughtful poof. "I guess it's a little unnerving to see us like this, huh?"

"Our girls don't like to see us disagree, either," Cherry Blossom said understandingly. "It makes them a little uneasy, too, but we want to model conflict-resolutions skills. It's important to know how to have a discussion, rather than a fight, and we always make sure they know we still love each other. You can be empathetic with another person's side even while in disagreement with them. Acknowledging one's own flaws and mistakes instead of denying them, and then taking sincere action to change one's behavior for the better." She glanced at her husband. "It's what a responsible person does."

Leafe sighed. "You're right, dear. Being on time is important. Relatively speaking."

He winked at me, and I felt a little better. This was apparently an old argument that would probably always exist between them. As conflicts went, it was probably minor. Leafe had always had the tendency to look at time from a far more casual standpoint than I or Cheery did. He was always late for things. I'd come to accept it as just part of who he was, and adjust my expectations accordingly. If I really needed him to be somewhere at a certain time, my strategy was simple: ask him to come half an hour earlier than the actual start time. That usually worked fine, but obviously Cherry Blossom had never chosen to use what seemed to me to be the most practical solution.

Oh, well. At least I don't have to live with him anymore. I'm glad that's not going to be a problem for Poppy and me. I'm perpetual clock-watcher, and Poppy's usually pretty prompt too most of the time, thankfully.

"You're right, too, honey." Cherry Blossom affectionately kissed her husband's cheek. "Nothing really important is likely to happen in the first ten minutes, at least. How about this: we can drop off the books after Plum's gathering. That will give you a little time, anyway."

"Thanks, dear. I really shouldn't need longer than that. I'll set an alarm on my Hug Time bracelet to go off five minutes before we need to leave, so I can wrap things up," Leafe promised. He held out his arms, and Cherry Blossom came into his embrace with no sign of resentment.

I put a hand on my chest as I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe now my heart would slow back to normal.

-O-

Poppy beamed at the loving couple. They're so cute together. And they get along so well. I hope Branch and I are like that.

As they stepped apart, Leafe said, "Wasn't there something else, dear?"

"Oh, yes." Cherry Blossom turned to Branch. "We wanted to ask if you've given any thought yet to the idea of becoming a teacher."

"Oh, yes!" Poppy piped up. "Why not give it a try, Branch? We all think you'd make a great teacher."

"I-"

Quickly she reminded him, "Your dads and Acorn think so, too, remember?"

His protest stalled. Poppy watched him hopefully as his eyes moved around, reflecting what must have been a multitude of thoughts. "I'm…not sure."

She brightened. That's the first time he hasn't automatically said 'no'. Progress!

"You could do a short apprenticeship with us first, if you're worried about not being prepared," Leafe offered encouragingly.

Branch hesitated. "You really think I could do it?"

For the first time, Poppy sensed a flicker of real interest in him. "Of course!" she said excitedly.

"We do," Cherry Blossom confirmed. "You have natural talent, and a lot of practical knowledge that we believe is very important to pass on. We think you would be an excellent teacher."

"Takes one to know one," Leafe joked.

"Thanks." Branch looked happy, but not. At the same time.

Such a Branch reaction, Poppy thought with fond annoyance.

"The offer's flattering, but…"

Cherry Blossom placed a caring hand on his arm. "But what, Branch? If there's something holding you back, we might be able to help you with it."

He looked into her gentle green eyes, and sighed. "Well, for one thing, I'm just not sure how the other trolls would feel about it, Cheery," he said seriously.

Poppy's social sense tingled. "Why would you say that? You did a great job yesterday. Everyone thought so."

"Because-" Branch gave her a quick, almost guilty look. "Never mind."

Poppy exchanged confused looks with the other two trolls. She opened her mouth to ask Branch what was going on, but he beat her to it.

"Well, a-a-anyway," he stuttered the way he always did when he was trying to avoid a subject. "There's also the fact that Poppy and I are dating now. I'm happy about that, but it's still a big deal. I'm still trying to adjust." His voice lowered. "I honestly don't know if I could handle being a teacher right now."

Leafe nodded. "Understandable."

"I mean, I just don't think now is a good time to be taking on new responsibilities," Branch went on, as if someone had protested. He glanced at Poppy, then looked back at their friends. "A lot of heavy stuff has been happening lately, you know?"

Poppy bit her lip and looked away. I guess he means stuff like me almost choking to death, and having to deal with my anxiety issues.

Blue and pink heads nodded. "That's all right, Branch. There's no hurry," Cherry Blossom said.

"Would you like to talk about anything that might be bothering you?" Leafe asked kindly.

Branch hesitated. "Don't you need to be leaving soon? I don't want to make you late."

"You take priority, Branch," Cherry Blossom said immediately.

"Absolutely," Leafe declared.

"Right on," Poppy chimed in. "Lay it on us, Branch."

Branch looked at the three trolls, all giving him encouraging smiles. He blew out a breath of air. "Okay."

Author's Note:

Sorry for the abrupt ending. This chapter got way too long and this was the most reasonable place to break it into two.

Lol, I like the idea that Poppy has a "social sense" similar to Spiderman's "spidey sense".

I started thinking about how Branch might feel if two of the trolls who helped raised him were ever not in harmony with one another. I think it would bother him a lot, like the way children get scared when their parents fight. It's a good idea to let children see their parents working through problems together. One of the ways to raise children who grow up to be mentally healthy adults is to be healthy role models ourselves.

The whole "You can't make up if no one apologizes" thing. From my own past experience, I know I find it hard to forgive someone who never apologizes for something they said or did that hurt me. They might have forgotten it, or they might assume you've forgiven them because you treat them the way you always have and never mention what they did, but deep inside, you never really do. You can decide to forgive them over and over, but since you never talk about what happened, nothing really gets resolved. You can never forgive them, even if you want to. There's no closure.

It's an awkward situation, since bringing up past issues yourself seems petty, or nagging. So I feel like the person who caused the hurt should be the one to sincerely ask for forgiveness. They have to be willing to bring it up. That's why I have Branch think to offer to hear his friends out if they have any past grudges, so he can apologize for them. That's the important part: the offer. Being willing to talk about past issues that are bothering the other person, even if they've forgotten them themselves. After that, even if the person who was hurt chooses not to go into it, just the offer alone helps release the last of that tension and make way for healing.