Chapter 11: Bye-Bye Umbridge
Thanks for all the reviews.
I hadn't actually planned on killing her, but I'm a pragmatic person so it just wrote itself that way. That and normally I would go with canon and have Umbridge be the inventor of the Blood Quill, but this time they will be the invention of the goblins.
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Harry showed up for detention on time, anticipating what was going to happen because he remembered the Blood Quill really well. Only because he sported the scars for it for the rest of his life until he came back in time. So, he was expecting to see it waiting on the table for him and was surprised when he didn't. The table was bare.
This was not going as he anticipated. He went up to the empty table and sat in the chair and waited to see what Dolores Umbridge was going to do.
"You will be writing lines," she said, folding her hands in front of her like the schoolmarm she was trying to portray. She failed badly. No true prim teacher would wear that much pink, for all that the clothes were the correct style. She was just a sadistic bitch, who was one step down from a Dark Lady. The only thing she lacked was the power to become one. Well, she did have some power, but not the right kind.
"I don't see a quill or parchment," said Harry, making a show of looking around for any writing utensils. All he saw was the kitten plates on the walls and the desks in the classroom. And of course, Umbridge herself.
There was also him, Isobel, and his satchel, which he didn't make a move towards. Other than that, the room was completely stripped of anything else. Even her desk was bare.
"You will be supplying your own. It's not up to the school to supply your punishment implements," she said, sweetly, like sugar wouldn't melt in her mouth. She even fluttered her eyelashes in a proximity of an innocent woman.
"That's bullshit and you know it," he said, folding his arms across his chest and making no move to gather any supplies from anywhere. Unlike her, he did have the power to back his plays. Not only did his name mean something to the correct people, he had Isobel at his back.
"Do not get vulgar with me, young man," she snapped, all signs of sweetness gone. Her eyes narrowed to slits. Her hair seemed to get fuller, and her cheeks got red.
"I'm not wasting my money on your detention. If you want me to write lines, you'll supply me with the supplies," he stated in a firm voice.
Isobel was hissing in his ear, and he was trying not to laugh at her commentary. "Let me fucking eat her, Harry. No one will really care," she was saying.
He reached up and petted her on the head, but his eyes never left the woman in front of him. He didn't trust her one iota. She would curse him in the back in a hot second. He had no idea what she was playing at. For her this was very petty. It wasn't the type of torturous powerplay she normally went for.
"You will do as I say," she said, heatedly. She was truly not even trying to be nice now.
"Or what? You're going to glare at me?" Harry asked, mockingly. He still couldn't understand why she wasn't torturing him. Was she too scared of Isobel? Was that why she was just being so… malicious?
"I will see you expelled," she threatened, getting in his face. Her hands were braced on the desk, and she was leaning forward.
"First off, I'd like to see you try. And secondly, do I look like I care?" the man/teen said snidely. He stared straight into her eyes as if daring her to do what she was threatening.
"You don't care if you get expelled from this prestigious school?" she asked, flabbergasted. It was the one thing she had to keep him in control. The shock was evident on her face. It was not a pretty sight.
"No. But I can tell you a lot of people who would be up in arms if you do. Or have you forgotten I'm now the Chosen One?" he said, though he was loath to use it. It was, however, a powerful tool.
"I don't care what the newspapers say about you, you are just an uppity little mudblood," she hissed, making Isobel snap at her, and lunge forward. She jerked back and screamed a bit. The pill hat on her head flew off and went sailing across the room. She moved to put plenty of space between herself and the snake.
"Ohhh, you said a naughty word," Harry mocked, grabbing on to his snake, though he did pet her for a job well done. "I can have your job for that," he said, laughing.
"Who's going to believe a brat like you over somebody as high up in the hierarchy as I am?" she sniffed, dismissively, patting her curls down now that her hat was gone. There was a wariness in her eyes though.
"I am the Boy-Who-Lived, and now the Chosen One. There are plenty of people who believe me. Especially, now that they think I'm the only one who can defeat the Dark Lord," he said, haughtily. He hated playing these cards, but they would work in this case. "You on the other hand, are a bureaucrat. No one trusts a politician."
"I am the Senior Undersecretary of the Minister. There are many people that will believe me," she said with a sniff. "Besides, no matter what the papers say, You-Know-Who is not back." That was one of the reasons she was here. To snuff out that rumor. Cornelius wanted that gossip to be gone posthaste. He was losing the faith of the people with those lies. She would do anything to keep her darling Fudge in office.
"You mean there's many people you've blackmailed to get your position," Harry said under his breath. He remembered that now. Her life had been exposed when she went down in the future. She had blackmailed her way up. He didn't remember who, or what, but there had been blackmail. Then someone blackmailed her. There was something about her wizard father and muggle mother. She even had a squib brother, if he remembered correctly. It was a big to-da and ran her to the hills when it all came to light.
"How did you learn about that?" she hissed, leaning forward again, but staying out of range of his snake. There were a few desks between them. She stupidly felt safe there.
"That's my business," Harry said, not moving an inch. She wasn't a danger to him. Even without Isobel, he could take her. This body might not be much, but his spell list was vast. He had not been idle while on the job when he had been a curse-breaker. He wasn't limited to the disarming spell any longer.
"You will tell me what you know, you little brat," she said as she came at him, her wand raised to cast.
Isobel froze her again. "I warned you, you fucken bitch. Can I eat her, Harry?" she pleaded, looking at him with soulful eyes. Well, in a soulful tone. Her eyes were expressionless.
"Not for this," Harry said, shaking his head. He got up and headed out of the room. "If she had had the Blood Quill, I'd say yes. But this petty argument, I can't justify it in court." And the two went to leave. "She's never gonna learn, is she, Isobel?" Harry said, stopping outside of the doorway and looking back at the woman he hated with every fiber of his being. That was one woman he never forgot. Her cruel deeds had stayed with him throughout his life. She was the magical worlds Hitler in his eyes.
"Probably not, and she does seem to be the type of person who doesn't learn by example," the snake hissed, looking back at the petrified woman. "I'm going to eat you one day, bitch," Isobel said ominously.
"You know what, I learned to never leave an enemy at your back. Go ahead and eat her," Harry said, waving at Umbridge, making Isobel make happy noises. He looked around to make sure they weren't seen by anyone or anything. They were in the clear. No one was about.
"About fucking time," the snake hissed, sliding down his back and going into the room.
Harry moved off to the side to give her room, staying in the hall. He mostly closed the door.
Isobel expanded to her largest form, which took up the entire classroom, and swallowed Umbridge in one gulp. She then shrunk back down and sighed. Magic allowed only a small bulge to show. No portrait from the hall saw a thing as they were all asleep and there were none in the classroom. Only those kitten plates.
"There's going to be trouble from this, isn't there?" the snake asked, climbing back up his torso.
"Probably," he said with a casual shrug. He turned and started down the hall again. His shoes echoing off the walls. He looked up and down the halls, making sure they were still alone. There was no one about. The ghosts were suspiciously absent as well. It was as if the fates were giving their blessings for this to take place.
"Oh well, we'll get through it anyway," she sighed, going to sleep on his shoulder. That was quite the meal. She was just glad that magic had shrunk the woman down when she had gone into her smaller form. That would have been a bitch to cart that fat toad around. Digesting her was going to be a nightmare.
Harry just chuckled and went to the Gryffindor common room. He didn't say anything to anyone about what happened and talked normally to his dormmates. When asked how his detention went. He shrugged and said, "I did lines. Isobel petrified her again," and went back to playing whatever he was playing. No one was the wiser.
He did hold a small 'meet and greet' with a few of his classmates that were interested in meeting Isobel. Lavender, Parvati, Lee, the Quidditch girls, and a few others were there. Most of the younger years looked on and were soon coming up to meet the snake. Tension was lifted when it was seen that the snake was docile when unprovoked. Harry even translated a few of what Isobel was saying, sans the cussing. That got a few laughs.
"I want to warn you," Harry said to all of them, "she understands English and will react if you upset her." He risked a glance at Ron and Hermione who were watching with hateful and thoughtful eyes, respectively.
"Do all snakes understand English?" one kid asked, looking at Isobel with awe. Not many were quite up to petting the giant snake, but they were okay with being around her.
"Magical ones do," Harry explained, looking at Isobel, who nodded at the kid. It was her way of showing that she was answering his question.
"Do all magical animals?" asked another kid, who edged closer.
"You'll have to ask the Care of Magical Creatures professor. I don't know the answer to that one," the man/teen said, waving the question away. "I only know about snakes and this one in particular."
"Oh," was the disappointed answer.
And the little meeting went on until Harry went to bed. He slept like a log. He held no guilt over his execution of Dolores Umbridge. She was a blight on society and needed to be put down like the bitch that she was. In his opinion it couldn't have happened sooner. It was before anything he remembered untoward happening.
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Umbridge was reported missing the next day. Harry was immediately called to Dumbledore's office. He knew it was going to happen and was prepared for it.
"Harry, my boy, you were the last one to see Dolores before she disappeared. Do you know what happened to her?" the old man asked, looking at him with great disappointment. Like he would confess just because Albus Dumbledore was upset over the matter.
"No, I did my detention and then I went back to my dorm," Harry said with an air of innocence. Isobel was, as usual, draped over his shoulder. She was glaring at the old man with an air of malice. Well, she was hissing at him, and there was a hint of anger about her.
"Somehow, I do not believe you," Dumbledore said, looking over his spectacles trying to make Harry squirm and failing. He was despaired as to what to do with the rebellious young man.
"That's not my problem," said Harry, petting his cursing snake. He knew he had to keep her from petrifying the old man. He didn't think Dumbledore's heart could take it.
"You have a snake that can hide the evidence. In addition, I can see that she has recently eaten," said the old man with an air of knowledge. He was staring at Isobel like she would confess to him that she had killed the woman in question.
"Fuck off, old man," Isobel stated, weaving her head back and forth, ready to strike at any moment. "I'll kill you too, motherfucker. I don't like you, asshat. You are not good for my Harry," she was saying in an unending litany of words.
"Again, that's not my problem that you don't believe me. I fed her yesterday, you can ask Grubbly-Plank. She's the one who gave me the ferret. You have to prove that she did something wrong, and I'd like to see you do that," the man/teen said, keeping his hand on his snake's head. He didn't need her killing the old man. Not yet anyway. That would have far too many political consequences that he didn't want to deal with.
"Alas, there is nothing I can do short of cutting her open," Albus said, like that was an option.
"I'm not letting you anywhere near my snake. We've done nothing wrong. We went to detention; I did my lines and we left. End of story," Harry said, gripping Isobel tighter. She was squirming something fierce now.
"Let me kill him too," she was saying like the psychopath she was. Well, not truly, but she was bloodthirsty. It was in her nature. She was in essence a dark creature.
"Do you have proof of this?" was the next question from Dumbledore's mouth.
"What kind of proof do you expect me to have? She disappeared the lines as soon as we were done. I think she was being vindictive," was the answer with a negligent shrug.
"Whyever would she do that?" was the genuine question.
"Because she's a petty bitch who gets her rocks off on torturing kids," Harry said with venom.
"5 points from Gryffindor. I really wish you would not use such vulgarities around me," the headmaster said with a sigh. He let the accusation go as the exaggeration of a youth.
"You asked," Harry stated unperturbed.
"You are not going to be cooperative, are you?" the old man stated, sighing again. This was not going the way he wanted. He was going to offer the boy a way out of his predicament. With himself being a savior of sorts.
"I am being cooperative. You asked me a question. I gave you an answer. Just because you don't like my answer does not mean I'm not being cooperative," Harry said, a bit incredulously. Was the man trying to be deliberately unhelpful?
"Are you willing to take a vow to such effect?" the headmaster asked, hoping to catch the teen unawares.
"No."
"Then I cannot take you at your word," was the smug reply.
"Again, that's not my problem. I can tell you that when we left the classroom that she was alive. I will confess that Isobel did petrify her, but she was alive when I left the classroom. And I can take a vow to that effect," Harry retorted. That part was at least true. He didn't reenter the classroom before Isobel ate Umbridge.
"I see," said the old man, thwarted again. "Very well then. You may leave." There was an air of resignation surrounding the man, like a lifeline had been pulled from him right before it reached him, and he was going to have to wait for the next one.
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Harry and Isobel left the old man's office and went down to the Great Hall where lunch was being served. They moved to the table where Neville was sitting alone. The poor boy really didn't have many friends other than Harry. Dean and Seamus were tight, and Ron was such a prat that he never sat with anyone now that he and Harry weren't mates.
"Are you in trouble?" asked Neville, looking around and keeping his voice low. He knew why Harry had had to go to the headmaster's office. He had been fretting this whole time.
"No," said Harry, serving himself some Toad in a Hole. "They're just blowing smoke out their arses." He didn't bother keeping his tone low. He wanted everyone to think he had nothing to hide.
"Why are they blaming you and Isobel?" the not so shy boy asked, not seeing the reasoning.
"We were the last ones to see her before she disappeared," Harry answered with a shrug. He didn't care what everyone thought. They had no proof and only circumstantial evidence.
"Do you think she's dead?" was the next question. There was a hint of worry in that question.
"How would I know?" was the incredulous answer. "She was alive the last time I saw her," he added for effect.
"I guess you wouldn't," Neville said with a sigh.
And with that, lunch commenced, and they went to their next class.
It was quite a few days before Dolores Umbridge was considered missing and presumed dead. There was a manhunt out for whoever committed the crime, but it was remained unsolved. Fudge was up in arms and demanding that the perpetrator be found. He was all for blaming Sirius, who was all for suing him for slander. It would go nicely with his current case, which was still pending.
Amelia Bones also liked Harry and Isobel for the culprits. However, like Dumbledore, she had no evidence. Unlike Dumbledore, she knew that Harry probably had a very good reason for why he did it. Besides, Isobel, being a bonded familiar, had lawfulness on her side. There was no legal way she could touch them.
That and they found Blood Quills in the DADA office. They had no idea why the woman had the instruments in there. They were illegal to own. Only the goblins were allowed to have them. They were used for contracts and such and only for signatures.
Saturday came and Harry got together with the two teachers and got Isobel another bauble for her necklace that would keep her warm in the cold castle. So now she was sporting two baubles on one chain.
"That's much fucking better," the snake sighed when they put it on her. Heat emanated down her body. It infused her, like being in a hot spring without water.
"It's not uncomfortable having both those balls on your back?" Harry asked, lifting them to make sure they weren't heavy. They were actually pretty light. Like they were made of Styrofoam. He was sure there was a Featherlight Charm in play.
"Nope. I'd carry a ton to keep this warmth," she said, curling around his shoulders and tucking her head under his chin so she could take a nap. She had been cold for far too long.
"Alright then," he said, just glad that she was happy.
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Time went on and they had a retired Auror to take over the DADA class. Harry didn't have to worry about Hermione have him start the DA. She was getting her education and so no secret army was needed. She was keeping her distance but wasn't being as pushy about reacquainting herself with him.
Ron was still being a pain in the arse and goaded Harry and Isobel ever chance he got. Isobel didn't petrify him, yet. He was just being mouthy for now. If it came to blows, or spells, then the gloves were off, so to speak.
On one of his weekends, Harry did get into the Room of Requirements and got the horcrux and sent it off to Sirius.
"Dobby!" he called. After three hours of searching for the damn thing, he finally found the fucking diadem. It didn't help that he couldn't remember what, or where, it was. He had only seen it in passing for a few seconds before the whole room had lit up the last time he was here. It had been on the bust of a head near where he had hidden that damned book. He remembered that now.
"What can Dobby be doing for Master Harry?" said the little elf as he popped in. He was still wearing children's clothing, only this time it was sporting a picture of a clown on it. The bright colors were almost blinding. If Harry were a weaker person, he'd be terrified of that scary clown.
"I need you to take this to Sirius," he said as he passed the diadem to the little elf. It was wrapped in a silk cloth, so the little being didn't have to touch it. It was vile enough without having to do that. "Don't touch it if you can help it," he added, floating it down to the little guy.
"Dobby can be doing that," the elf said, bouncing up and down in his many-colored socks. All the mismatched colors were hurting Harry's eyes, and he really hoped that Dobby would one day learn color coordination.
"Great. Let him know that we still need to find the one that Dumbledore was looking for, but he needs to talk to the head Unspeakable. Or better yet, get Croaker a mirror so I can talk to him," Harry said, thoughtfully.
"Dobby will be letting master Sirius know," Dobby said with all seriousness.
"Never mind," Harry said, waving it away. "I'll tell him when I talk to him tonight. Just get this to him, okay?" It would be easier for him to relay the message, as Dobby tended to get his English all muddled.
"Dobby will be doing that." And with that, the little elf popped away with the diadem floating in front of him.
"Wizards really need to find a better way to communicate," said Harry to Isobel as they made their way out of the Room of Requirements. He made a mental note about coming back and seeing if there was any treasure among the junk. It might stave off some of his boredom. Who knew going back to school and pretending to be a teen would be so boring?
"They really fucking do," said Isobel, nodding her head on his shoulder. "You guys are so far behind the times it's fucking crazy. I don't know why your godfather doesn't sell the mirrors."
"How would you know about broad communication? You're a snake," he asked, laughing a bit at the image of a snake using a phone. "He just wants them to be secret for now," he added, though he was going to talk to Sirius about selling them. They just needed to work out how to mass produce them. Perhaps outsourcing them to the dwarves or the goblins, whomever did that type of work?
"I pay fucking attention," she said, thumping her tail onto his head.
"I guess you do," he said, rubbing his head where she had hit him. "But it's not like you've ever used a phone."
"But I would if I could. Can you just imagine snakes calling each other up around the world?" she said, dreamily, like it was doable.
"Now that's a funny sight. I'd like to see you try and utilize the phone. You don't even have opposable thumbs, let alone other fingers," he said, the image popping up in his head again.
"Sure, make fun of the handicapped snake," she grumbled, putting her head down and going about ignoring him.
"Oh, you know, I'm just messing with you, darling," he said cajoling her, lifting her head up and touching his nose to hers. "Besides, I can see you using a mirror."
"I can see that too, but where would I carry one?" she asked.
"I'd carry it for you," he said, petting her head. "I'd even dial a phone for you," he added, making her feel better.
And with that, the two of them continued their banter as they made their way back to the common room. There they got in touch with Neville and the twins and spent a relaxing day doing absolutely nothing since it was Saturday.
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Sirius came through for Harry and gave him a mirror to give to Croaker, via Dobby. He had sent it off with Hedwig, who had nothing to do during the school year. Harry kept in touch with the head Unspeakable. The clandestine group did find the other horcrux. Unfortunately, they couldn't get to it because it required a parselmouth. Well, they could, but it would be easier with one.
"Well, that sucks," Harry said over the mirror on the day they gave him the news. It was on the last week of September. "That means you're going to have to wait until Hogsmeade weekend till I can come and help you." There were already plans in his head on how to get away.
"When is the next one coming up?" Croaker asked, still covered from head to toe in his robes. Even over the mirror.
"Uh, I believe the first one is the 2nd weekend of October," said Harry. Not quite sure. He was in the Room of Requirements at the moment, so it wasn't like he could check.
"That's not too far off," said the head Unspeakable.
"I'll be sure to let you know when I check my schedule. I'm not at my trunk right now, so I don't have it out. But I'll give you a ring and let you know," the man/teen stated, picking up a piece of a trunk and noting the jewel under it. He cast his wand over it and saw that there was a small curse on it. Just one to make you return it to its owner. He removed the curse and pocketed the jewel.
That's what he and Isobel were doing here. Hunting for treasure. So far, his coffers were going to be enriched greatly. There had been a ton of galleons and sickles in here and all he had to do was Accio them. They had all flown out of the stacks of junk without issue. That wasn't including whatever was in the trunks that couldn't come with the spell.
"Give me a ring?" asked the Unspeakable, unsure of the phrase.
"That just means I'll contact you on the mirror and let you know," reiterated Harry, looking for more treasures.
"Oh," said the Unspeakable.
"Anyway, I've gotta let you go. I've gotta get to class," said Harry, observing the time on his watch. He had had a free period during his time in the RoR. His friends all had other classes, even little Luna, who he never got to spend enough time with. They got to see each other during the weekends, but that wasn't much, because they had homework to do.
"By the way, do you know what happened to Umbridge?" asked Croaker with a knowing tone.
"I haven't got the slightest clue what you're talking about," said Harry with a completely innocent face. It seemed like no one believed him, that he was guiltless.
"Sure you don't," said the hooded man not believing it for one moment. However, it sounded like he didn't care either.
"Bye now," said Harry, disconnecting the mirror.
"They're never gonna let that go, are they?" said Isobel. There was a hint of concern in her tone. She really didn't want Harry to wind up on the run or in prison.
"Probably not. But that's okay, they're never gonna pin it on us either," Harry said, picking her up and heading towards the door.
"Still, it's going to follow you around for the rest of your life," she stated, not wanting him to take the rap for a murder.
"Do you regret it?" he asked, wondering about her concern.
She thought about it and said, "Nope."
"Then quit bringing it up," he said, petting her crest, which was still hidden by the bauble.
"Alright." She preened under his petting.
"I don't regret it either. She is, was, a sadistic bitch. And the things she did, that I remember now, were horrifying. Did you know she made things that were quite like concentration camps?" he asked, looking around on the map to make sure they were alone. They were. Not many came to this part of the castle. There were no classes here and nothing to really see.
"No, I did not. What's a concentration camp?" Isobel asked, curled around him to leech his heat. Her necklace was good, but she never said no to extra heat.
"I'll let you know one day. I don't wanna talk about it right now," he shuddered at the reminder of one of humanities less than fine moments.
"Okay, Harry," she said, going to sleep on his shoulder.
And with that, the two of them went on to the next class that Harry had. Even though he hated downplaying his intelligence, he was getting on much better now, and nobody knew that he was a time traveler.