The ultra sexy premium red skycar with Joker at the wheel is ready to drop us off to Citadel's Sin city. Tali asks "How can you even afford this?"

Joker explains "EDI rented it for me as a present. I could buy it if I wanted to… but I have other things I rather burn my credits on. Everyone hop in. Carefully not to scratch the leather. I don't want to have to pay any fees."

The drive or fly up to the casino is so COOL! Weirdly, I never went to gambling in the sky before. Ah well something to add to the resume. The music is so loud and the entrance signs so incredibly bright but so worth it. Shepard gets out, waves to the photographers, then takes his beloved blue gem to show off in the light.

Liara flirts with her human boytoy "Commander, keep dressing like that, and you'll have to catch me when I swoon."

"I might do more than catch you" he said. I feel it getting hot in here. Shepard needs to suck his energy back up, I shouldn't have to see that.

My gentleman urges kick in and offer my elbow to my other half. She weaves herself and pulls me closer. The flash from the paparazzi illuminates the sparkles in her fabric glitter from every angle. My angel looks like a living night sky. So, this is what it feels like wanting to do the dance with no pants with a constellation. I tell Tali "Save this outfit. I'm going to need to see this again later."

Tali replies "I predict it won't last long. With how you're looking at me, I imagine it will be on the floor soon." Oh how right she is.

Brooks wedges herself between us "Sorry I get camera shy. I can't believe this. First, I get shot, then I go to a high-end charity event with COMMANDER SHEPARD!"

Tali lets out "Hmm hmm."

Brooks apologizes "Sorry I shouldn't have broken you two up. May I add, I think it's so nice you don't care you're dating one of those!"

The muscles in my face, which I have excellent control over, are permitted just this once, to give her the worst frowny face she'll ever see. Brooks speedwalks ahead to the culturally approved couple ahead.

Tali asks "What's her deal?"

I inform her "Some people are just really annoying."

Shepard shakes the hand of the casino security guard. He is a human. No surprise given the owner is one as well, but he is a huge fan. Shepard doesn't like signing autographs. He has a thumb injury does flares up when he shoots too much, however for the sake of the mission, he does so. The guard tries to stop Tali from entering the casino, that was until Shepard told him, we are his guests.

Once we are inside, Liara explains what we need to do. First, we have to mingle. It seems weird to the staff if we just come in and observe grates with extra security. Shepard has only one pair of contacts that will allow him to see the wires in the walls. He'll find a way to bypass the security while the rest of us need to cause distractions. Just in case I want Tali to stay near me at all times.

While Shepard is mingling with the Citadel's elites, Tali goes to the bar and orders a drink. I just have water. I take Tali's hand, getting close to her ear so he has an actual chance to hear me with this overly loud music. "Stay with me. I don't want us to get lost."

Tali says "I'm the only quarian here."

"You'd be surprised how easy it is to get lost in these big casinos." We walk around and Tali looks for any air ducts, cameras, locked doors that could help Shepard while I'm looking like a lost lamb trying to figure out which game I want to play. Holographic varren racing, Primarch keno, TuChunka poker, Oooo! Flotilla reels looks fun.

Shepard radios "I need a distraction. The turian guard by the camera"

"We're on it." I head over to the guard to ask him "Excuse me, this is my first time here. How exactly do I put credits in the machine?"

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yeah. Do I have to go to a cashier and get chips?" I ask. My innocent vibe really sells the part.

"It's like any other casino on the Citadel. Just hold your omnitool close to the reader and select the amount to transfer over." he said.

"Oh, that's interesting. Where I'm from I had to put paper money into a feeder to play the games."

The guard replies "Those old things are still working?"

"It is what we had."

Shepard radios "keep going."

Tali jumps in "Is there anything this casino prefer I do? I know there is a reputation about my people cheating with our suits and I don't want to cause any issues."

The guard says "We have the highest security measures and even if we didn't, we'll know if you were. Don't worry about. That whole thing is mostly an urban myth started by that movie."

I ask "What movie?"

The guard tells us "It's called "Plunder of the Goddess's." It's about a group of turian bootcamp rejects, an acrobatic salarian, and a quarian hacker getting away with the largest heist ever."

Tali says "That sounds fun."

"Yeah, we'll have to watch it on our next date night. What year was it made?"

He tells us "2157."

"Cool. Thanks for helping us out."

Shepard takes a break and busts out his dance moves. I pretend to be horrified and cover Tali's face. While we have some time, I find another machine with the quarian reel game and put in some credits. Shepard gave me money ahead of time. He said if I win big, I'll have to share. Little tip for when you're in a new universe but want to get some quick cash, go to any casino, "borrow" whatever currency they use, put in the machine, scan the machine and play it until you win big. If you lose all your money, reset it and try again. If I copied all the cash in a register and used that, the money police can find multiple bills with the same serial number and think I'm a counterfeiter. Besides, this way is more fun.

Shepard radios over needed another distraction. Liara asks the guard in the most over the top stereotypical southern accent imaginable "Is there somewhere I can go to make a private call? It's very important."

The guard says "Let me see what I can do."

I radio to Shepard's private call "Do you need some of blue to neutralize your red?"

Shepard asks "What are you on about?"

"Shepard… do you need Liara's energy to balance your red to regain your focus? Because I can tell Liara's accent is making your loins light up like a Christmas tree. I can almost hear your jingle bells ringing. No one wants to see that."

Shepard replies "Don't like it, don't look."

I transfer 1000 credits into the machine then scan the machine and replicate it in the exact spot when I lose everything, I open the game menu to read the rules. Seems similar to what I played in the past with a few differences. Winning line patterns. This game has six columns instead of the normal five.

I play for a while on the second lowest speed. The absolute slowest was not enjoyable. For me, there is a sweet spot between the anticipation of the symbols selected and what my attention span will accept. I play one credit at a time to familiarize myself with the rules. I explain to Tali I'll play until I don't win anything then she'll play in case the machine likes her better. Sharing the game doesn't last long as Tali is called away to help Shepard silence an alarm or something. I wasn't paying attention. I will continue playing my game for a while.

Shepard says "I need a distraction. A big one. There are two guards."

"Give me a sec" Turning it up to turbo speed and max betting 10 credits.

PLAY. PLAY. PLAY. small win. PLAY. . .PLAY. close to even. . . . . . .PLAY

"*********!" Shepard says.

"Hold on any second now. YES! 6 COINS! BONUS GAME! HAHA!"

Tali asks over the radio "Did you really win?"

I whisper to her "No I'm doing the distraction. YOU! Casino attendant. Bring me my creddies!" The turian security guard walks away from his post. He comes over and looks at my machine. The screen isn't doing anything. It's not supposed to be this game. In one game I play, if you get 6 coins it lists the amounts won and you can get even more coins dropped. This isn't that game."

I play dumb "why isn't anything happening?"

"Let me see. Flotilla reels. Ah you have only six coins. You need seven to be awarded the bonus feature."

"NO! The games I played you only need six."

He nods "One this one you need seven."

"SEVEN! These aren't the dragon balls you need to collect to grant your heart's desire, or the rings needed to become the white lantern, or emeralds to unlock super sonic or whatever symbolism the unconscious mind leaks into pop culture. I should only need 6 coins for bonus games."

The guard senses my instability and waves for his buddy to come over. He jokingly asks "Sir… did you escape from a mental institution?"

"I had to save McMurphy from nurse Ratched, turning him into a vegetable. Do I really need 7 coins?"

The turian guard "Unfortunately. I know these games can be so confusing and to make matters worse this one eats up people's credits like there is no tomorrow" He lightly kicks the machine. Now is my chance. A little telekinesis of the power cable to turn it off. The screen goes to black.

I scream at him "WHAT DID YOU DO!"

The krogan guard shows me his dry palms "Calm down sir. It's not that big of a deal."

"CALM DOWN! I had a thousand credits in my balance! You just erased all my money!"

The thieving turian explains "It is not erased. We'll wait for the computer to boot up and we'll check to see if you actually did. If you have, we'll give you your credits back."

"Oh. While you're doing that, will you trigger the bonus game for me please?"

The turian says "Sir I cannot do that. I'll lose my job."

"So, you can do it. Please?"

He firmly tells me "No."

"But I want to see what will happen! How long will it take to boot back up?"

He says "It will only take a minute to power back up but a few more for it to reinstate some security measures. Can we do anything to make your wait more pleasant?"

"Not that I can think of. Any games you recommend?"

The krogan guard says "We don't take from our own supply. Wait… I know you."

I hide my face.

"OH KALROS! It's the human of clan Urdnot! Is Reaper Slayer Wrex here with you?"

"Noooaaahahaha. I tried stuffing him into a suit and he tore it to shreds."

Shepard radios he is able to get in and going to confront Khan. It appears I'm going to have to keep talking to my version of Conrad Vernier. I hate the celebrity treatment. This is why I never became famous. He asks me a bunch of questions, if I was with Wrex when he killed the Reaper, what do I think about the genophage modification lowering the effective reproductive rate, yadayada. The turian guard sense my discomfort. He enters a passcode into the machine and restores my credits. I give my thanks, cashout at 750 credits and leave for the next machine. I play for a bit, get it up to 800 credits and cash out. Shepard radios for everyone to meet at the front door. I head there and stand there, looking sad and in need of cheering up.

Tali asks "What's wrong?"

"I'm down. I didn't get bonus games. I play for the bonus games. And the universe didn't even give me the maximum win. Can't it happen at least once."

Shepard says "You'll get it next time. We should head back. Our friend didn't make it."

"Let's leave before we lose anything else."

Shepard calls for Joker to pick us up. Our Normandy pilot is now a flying uber driver. While I didn't win, it was actually a nice night. Tali and I enjoyed our time together. I think all the stimulus tired her brain out. Right now, she is resting her head on my shoulder. Her breathing steady and slow. I allow my mind to drift.