Chapter 14. Unburdened

Content warning: Violence causing injury. Description of medical experimentation on humans resulting in death.

It didn't take too long to unravel how HYDRA had infiltrated the base. Although Corporal Hoffman was legitimately a member of the U.S. Army, he was also a man with rich tastes that weren't satisfied by a corporal's wages. HYDRA offered him money and power to spy on the Howling Commandos, and the Phantom Patrol, to spread the rumours about Bucky Barnes, then finally to assist the infiltration team in getting on the base while the two squads were in France. The doctors and their serum were the initial targets but when the squads returned Kirk decided to take the three most known super soldiers for transport to one of their labs, where they could be turned to HYDRA's control and use.

The first thing Special Agent Steven Grant did when he had the opportunity to speak privately with the General was to recommend Private Lorraine and Corporal Martino for promotion and commendation. Privates Sherman and Best were also given commendations for their quick response once a problem was identified. The ATS cook, Private Vera Boswick, on General Phillips recommendation, received a posthumous promotion to full Corporal, plus her family eventually received the Victoria Cross from King George VI on her behalf, the only woman during World War II to have received it, an award for conspicuous bravery, especially during an act of self-sacrifice in the presence of the enemy. The General, Agent Carter, Captain America, Special Agent Grant, and Sergeant Barnes attended her funeral at the invitation of her family.

When Barnes was introduced to her parents, they knew who he was and thanked him for being a gentleman with "their Vera," protecting her reputation. Her sister, the one expecting a baby, told him that Vera considered him a good friend. He excused himself during the luncheon held at the local pub in her hometown after, stepping into the alley for a cigarette. Steven Grant found him back there.

"Give me one of those," he said, gesturing to the cigarette.

"You're asthmatic," replied Bucky. "Plus, you hate the smell."

"True but since neither of us can get drunk I figured I could at least smoke with you," grinned Grant.

With a smirk, Bucky gave him one, then lit the cigarette with his lighter. Grant took in a drag then coughed, making Bucky chuckle.

"Jesus, that tastes terrible," complained the older man. "You know they cause cancer, right? One of the biggest lies of the 20th century was the tobacco industry saying they were good for your health."

Bucky shrugged. "It calms me down, especially now," he answered, then he frowned. "Vera ... fuck, why? Why did she have to try to stop the guy? Why did he have to kill her? All he had to do was push her aside then put her in the cooler with the other cooks."

"She went after him with a knife," replied Grant. "The others said she never hesitated. That must have surprised him, triggering his response. Confirms how little they think of human life that he would feel threatened by her."

They said nothing for a while. Bucky kept smoking his cigarette, lighting a second one from the first, while Grant let his burn down before stubbing it out on the ground with his shoe. The older man hesitated at first then spoke his piece.

"The worst day of my life, after Ma died, was the day you fell from the train," said Grant, solemnly. "I was so close to you, inches away. Then the handle broke and you were gone, just like that. I'm ordering you not to go on any trains during any future missions. If you do, I'll court martial your ass and keep you in a military prison for the rest of the war."

"Steve," began Bucky, prepared to argue the point.

"It's not negotiable," said the other man. "This is Major Grant giving Sergeant Barnes an order. If I lose you again ..."

He turned away from Bucky, returning into the pub. Bucky felt the tears forming in his eyes, then wiped them roughly with his free hand before finishing his cigarette. It was several more minutes before he returned to the pub, barely talking to anyone but not leaving because that would be disrespectful to Vera. He owed her that much.

On their return to base Bucky went to the barracks, and asked Howlett to box with him, really box not just spar. The Canadian, relaxing and reading on his bunk, looked up at the young sergeant, still in his dress uniform, knowing he was hurting from the death of the cook, Vera. The man gave off all sorts of bad energy, like he wanted to kill someone. Howlett didn't want any part of it, knowing that the super soldier would likely fight without restraint.

"I don't want to fight you, Buck," he said. "Not now, not the way you're feeling."

"Someone better," replied Bucky, looking straight ahead as he spoke. "I have to get it out of my system, and you at least know how to box. If I do it with either Steve, they're my superior officers and I can get courtmartialed if I hurt them. I don't want to fight Bradley because he's been through enough. That leaves you. Please. I'm begging you before I start destroying the place."

The older man stood up, placed his hand on Bucky's arm. "No, wait until you've calmed down a bit."

"I can't wait!" Bucky yelled, drawing the attention of several others in the barracks. Jones ran to find an officer. "Can't you get that through your thick Canadian skull? Is that how you've managed to survive this long? You run away and hide?"

Howlett's jaw became firm as he stood closer to the young super soldier.

"Don't push me." His teeth ground together as he growled his words out. "You have no idea how dangerous I can be when I'm pushed too far. I'm giving you a break because I know you're hurting."

Bucky pushed Howlett, hard enough that he stumbled into his bed overturning it. "Coward."

Once again, the older soldier tried to leave but Bucky deliberately stood in his way, his breathing heavy as he glared at Howlett. He punched him in the jaw, barely moving the soldier.

"Bucky, don't," seethed Howlett.

"Why, are you afraid I'll hurt you?" Bucky taunted him. "I'll go easy, mutant."

A strange sound emanated from Howlett's hands, and he threw himself against Bucky, raising his one hand displaying thick bony claws that extended from between his knuckles. Roaring in fury he pushed Bucky against the wall then thrust his claws into the younger man's left shoulder, trapping him against the wooden surface. A scream came out of Bucky's mouth, but he kept goading Howlett.

"That's it? That's the big secret? Claws? I just wanted to box." His eyes were wild as he pushed against the older man, a sickening tearing sound coming from his shoulder as he pulled them both away from the wood, then continuing his tirade against the paratrooper with a sneer. "What else ya got, old man?"

Withdrawing his claws from the flesh, Howlett picked Bucky up and threw him across the room, overturning more bunks. Leaping over the jumble of furniture and mattresses he reached Bucky and picked him up by the collar to slash him across the face. Grant, Rogers and Sousa entered the room with the senior officer stepping forward before the older sergeant could inflict the blow.

"Howlett! Stand down!"

The older sergeant stood there, ready to kill Bucky, then it was like a light came on in his brain and his claws retracted. His face relaxed and he let Bucky go, watching with dismay as the younger man fell to the floor.

"I tried to tell him not to push me," he said, in barely a whisper. "He just kept on and on."

"I know," replied Grant, stepping closer to the Canadian as Rogers saw to Bucky. "It's alright. He knew what he was doing. He'll heal in no time." He made eye contact with Howlett, trying to reassure him then he looked at the others watching what had just happened. "What you saw doesn't leave this barracks, understand? We take care of our own. Come on, we'll get you both treated."

Rogers picked Bucky up in his arms while Grant led Howlett out. Sousa and the others began to pick up the scattered bunks, restoring the barracks to what it had been. No one talked about what they had just seen, not wanting either man to get into trouble. On the way to the infirmary Bucky looked up at Rogers.

"I fucked up, Steve," he said. "I'm sorry. Tell Howlett I'm sorry."

Rogers looked over at the other sergeant, his face seeming to show all of his years as he dealt with the fact that he had lost control and hurt someone.

"You'll tell him yourself," replied Rogers. "Why did you do it?"

"Pissed off. About Vera and the order Grant gave me."

Rogers nodded as Grant had told him what he told Bucky. "He's trying to keep you safe. You know that."

"I wasn't there for her, Steve. I could have been flirting with her and dealt with that asshole myself when he showed up. You'll get on a train during a mission and if I'm not there with you who will keep you safe? Can't trust anyone else." He looked off into the distance, his face full of misery. "I'm not a coward."

Both Steves made eye contact, knowing that Bucky's need to protect those he cared about was so strong. There was no easy answer but right now they needed to get his shoulder examined and treated. As they entered the infirmary Dr. Waslewski and Lt. Hay were on duty, both women coming over to triage Bucky first. Grant led Howlett to the other bed. While Rogers and Lt. Hay undressed Bucky, Dr. Waslewski turned her attention to Howlett.

"He got banged up a bit," said Grant. "Just make sure nothing's broken but he should stay here for a while. These two need to make amends."

She looked back at the blood from Bucky's wounds and rolled her eyes at Grant as if to say that she couldn't do anything if the fight continued. He shrugged and she sighed, feeling helpless. With a deep breath she re-focused as a doctor.

"Can you take your jacket and shirt off, Sergeant?" she asked.

He nodded and pulled his coverings off, revealing a sculpted abdomen and chest, along with well-muscled shoulders. When she shifted to examining his back, she saw his bruises visibly fade in front of her. Pressing gently into his spine and ribs she asked if anything hurt.

"No Ma'am," he replied quietly, watching Bucky. "I'm fine. See to Sergeant Barnes."

"In a moment," she said, calmly. "I want to make sure you're okay."

Lt. Hay gasped when she got Bucky's uniform jacket and dress shirt off revealing the deep puncture wounds on the front of his shoulder. Taking scissors, she cut his bloody undershirt away and saw the multiple bruises on his chest and abdomen. On his back it was worse as the exit wounds from the three large punctures was jagged and contaminated with wood shards. Coming back to Bucky's front she put her hands on his neck feeling for any injuries there. His blue eyes were dull and full of pain, but he watched her as she gently moved her touch from his neck to his head. Closing his eyes briefly as she felt his scalp for any injuries he murmured.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"Feels good," he repeated. "Your hands are soft."

She smiled then shook her head. "Flirt," she whispered.

Rogers smiled and dropped his head as Bucky watched her again. His blue eyes were a lot prettier than she realized and they followed her, brimming with sadness. She had heard about the death of the cook and that he had been dating the young woman. It wasn't hard to imagine that he was hurting inside. Moving to his back she pressed against his ribs and spine making sure nothing was broken there.

"Doctor, Sergeant Barnes has three large puncture wounds in his shoulder that go from his chest to his back. The exit wounds are jagged and full of wood shards. Since the bleeding has stopped it appears his regenerative abilities have already started the healing process, but I think I should pick out as many of the shards as I can to avoid complications. An injection of penicillin should also be given."

Dr. Waslewski came over and briefly checked over Bucky's shoulder, moving it and having him rotate it to make sure there was no serious damage to the joint. She also confirmed there were no other significant injuries and gave permission for the penicillin and the cleaning of Bucky's wounds. Pulling the two officers over she looked at them, questioningly.

"What made those wounds?"

"Sergeant Howlett can generate claws from his hands," said Grant, reluctantly. "They only come out when he's full of rage. Bucky pushed him too far, deliberately. They'll both heal, I can assure you, but I need them to fix what's broken between them. Bucky has to make amends to Howlett for forcing him into this action. They're both already full of remorse for allowing themselves to lose control. I don't expect it to take long, nor do I think there will be a repeat."

"If they destroy this lab, it is on you both," she said. "Leave them with me and the Lieutenant."

As Lt. Hay began cleaning Bucky's wounds the doctor instructed Howlett to clean up in the restroom attached to the infirmary then to get into the bed when he returned. When he got back there was a clean shirt for him to change into and pyjama bottoms. A screen separated the beds and he undressed, putting the clean clothing on. After he got into the bed, Dr. Waslewski returned and stood at the side.

"Your body heals much faster, is that right?" she asked.

"Yes, Ma'am," he answered, looking at the screen that separated him from Bucky. "Is he alright?"

"He will be," she replied. "His healing factor, while still accelerated isn't as fast as yours. How long have you been like this?"

"Since I was 13, in 1845," he whispered. "I killed a man for killing my father, except the man I killed was my real father, a violent, brutal man. I've been on my own ever since. Should never have joined the squad. It was inevitable that I would lose control."

"You're a mutant," she stated to his surprise. "I am aware of individuals with unique abilities. Certain German doctors were also interested in people like yourself. You obviously have managed to cope relatively well if you are 112 years old and still free. If there is any group that would accept you at face value, it would be these men." She looked back at the cloth screen. "Bucky is hurting deeply right now. From my understanding he has a deep protective streak from his own upbringing. He feels guilty for failing to protect the young woman."

"Wasn't his fault," said Howlett, speaking loud enough for Bucky to hear him. "It's a hard thing to learn that no matter what abilities a man like us has, there are some things that can't be prevented. Her death was one of them."

"You're right but it will probably be a while until he believes it," she replied. "Until he does, he needs someone who has gone through it to help him. You can be that man. Stay here overnight and see what you can do. I'll release you in the morning."

"Yes, Ma'am," said Howlett. As she turned away, he cleared his throat. "Many people are afraid of me when they see what I can do. Thank you for not being like that."

She smiled then left him there to help Lt. Hay attend to Bucky. His front wounds had been cleaned while the nurse was still removing the visible shards of wood from his back. He sat facing the cloth screen, obviously hearing everything in the conversation between the doctor and Howlett. Standing near the young soldier she gazed at him until he lifted his eyes to meet her gaze.

"I've seen death before," he stated. "Grew up in Brooklyn during the Depression. People I knew died from the flu, pneumonia, polio. Steve almost died from his asthma several times. His Ma died from TB. None of it hit me like Vera's death."

"Did you love Vera?" asked Dr. Waslewski.

"No, but I liked her," he said. "She was fun and didn't mind that I didn't want a serious relationship." He glanced back at Lt. Hay as if he wanted her to hear this. "It's not exactly the right time to be serious about anyone when they can die at any moment. We went to the flicks, dancing, and the times we went further were nice. I treated her right. Made sure she got back to her billet safely, used a rubber, gave her pleasure and tried to make her feel like she was special. Was that so bad?"

"No, it's something that more men could do," replied the doctor. "It explains why I never hear a bad thing about you from the women on the base. You like women, genuinely like them, and it shows. Don't change how you care about someone because of what happened to her, Sergeant. Some things are beyond your control."

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied meekly. He straightened up and looked at the screen. "James?"

"Yeah, Buck," came the reply from behind the screen.

"I'm sorry for exposing your secret," he said, sincerely. "I was angry at myself mostly. Figured I needed a beating and decided you were just the one to give it to me. I won't abuse your trust again. I promise."

"It's alright, kid," said the older soldier. "We should work on ways for both of us to get our anger out without killing each other. Once you're healed up, we'll do something."

Dr. Waslewski smiled at Bucky, then squeezed his hand. She looked at Lt. Hay.

"Are you okay on your own for a few minutes?" she asked. "I need to take a break. I can bring a coffee back for you."

"I can manage," said the nurse. "A coffee would be great, thank you, cream and sugar."

With a nod Dr. Waslewski went out into the early evening air. The sun was still up and she could hear the sounds of soldiers playing baseball or throwing a football around. Some of the British ones were playing a soccer match. She went to the offices and asked if Special Agent Grant was around. He came out, surprised to see her.

"Is everything alright?" he asked. "They haven't resumed fighting, have they?"

"No, they're good," she replied. "I think they're going to work through some things together. I wanted to talk to you, privately."

"Come in my office," he said. The doctor shook her head and he saw by her face that she was troubled. "I know somewhere outside we can sit quietly. I go there to sketch on occasion and it's private."

It only took a few minutes for them to arrive at the spot, overlooking a broad valley. In the early evening sunlight, the view was spectacular. She sat quietly for some time while Grant watched her.

"I am 32 years old," she began. "Graduated from medical school with honours in 1936 and was invited to join Dr. Werner Müeller in the study of using cryogenics to stabilize critically injured patients to improve their chances of survival. It was exciting work and our research with animal test subjects had shown great potential for its use with humans. Then several SS officers showed up at the university, along with some other men. They wore Nazi uniforms, but their insignia was HYDRA. I believe they were the Nazi deep science division at that time."

Steven kept his face neutral as what the doctor told him was already known to him, having found the files on her work with HYDRA in 2020.

"We were conscripted into the German army's research division and found ourselves at a facility in Bavaria." She looked at him. "In your time in the future was anything known about the Lebensborn program?"

"Yes, it was seen as the way to promote the birth of pure Aryans," he said. "They believed by increasing the birth rate they could improve the genetic quality of the population."

"There were seven women who had given birth in the program starting in 1933, mutants, whose abilities were dormant until they became pregnant," she said. "They administered serum to the women while they were pregnant. The serum was still in an experimental stage and I'm certain Dr. Erskine was unaware of it being used."

She looked out over the valley, swallowed noticeably and began to wring her hands as she wrestled with her conscience. Steven took her hands in his, trying to calm her down.

"It's alright, you can tell me," he said, in as soothing a voice as he could manage.

Eva nodded. "Dr. Mengele oversaw the births," she began. "After the children were born the women were ... not allowed to live. I heard they were studied after death by various other Nazi doctors. I never asked any questions as it would have been dangerous to my life." Wrenching her hands away from his she buried her face in them and began to cry. "He performed experiments on the children, but they didn't cry from any pain stimuli, and didn't react in any way that made any sense until they were put into an ice chamber. Their hair turned almost white permanently and their skin took on a bluish hue, but they functioned; walking, talking, still being children. They were referred to as Geisterkinder, ghost children. Always hungry, but after eating their skin returned to a normal colour, as their hair retained its almost white appearance. Mengele wanted to kill them and study their bodies as their mothers had been studied but HYDRA had other plans. They observed all of the experiments then commissioned Dr. Müeller and our team to build seven small cryogenic capsules for the children. That was in 1938. The oldest was 5 years old, a girl named Irene. A sweet child ... they were all sweet, so trusting of the adults in the lab. Dr. Müeller went with them to an unknown location, and I never saw the children or him again. It was at that time that I joined the Resistance, vowing to use my position to uncover all that I could about what they did to people."

Steven gazed at her tear-stained face, knowing she had kept this part of her life secret, obviously haunted by the experimentation on the children, as well as not knowing what happened to them.

"Why are you telling me now?" he asked gently.

"Learning that Sergeant Howlett is a mutant," she replied, "although I've wanted to tell you for months. I still feel guilt for my part in it."

"You didn't make them mutants, you didn't give their mothers serum," he said calmly. "All you did was build the capsules that would extend their lives. Sounds like you cared about the children. HYDRA obviously wanted them for something but didn't want to kill them. Not like Dr. Mengele."

"They weren't found by the 21st century?" she asked.

"No, not that I was aware," he said. "I'll create a file with what you just told me but keep your name out of it. Perhaps, once the war is over the SSR can look for them."

"They won't treat them as freaks or try to use them?"

"No, I'll make sure they get to be children. I promise." He slid closer and put his arm around her shoulder drawing her closer. "Thank you for trusting me with this. It must have eaten away at you."

"I was certain you would detest me for my part in it." She turned to him. "I like you, very much. I never thought I would ever find someone that made me feel what you do."

He smiled at her, looking softly at her eyes then her lips. "I wasn't looking either," he said. "But here we are, sitting on a bench overlooking a beautiful scene and you've just trusted me with your deepest secret. You do trust me, don't you?"

"Very much," she replied. "You're a man of great convictions, coming back to save a friend but I suspect you've done more. Tell me, when you came back did you intend to intervene in the fate of the Jews and Romani at Auschwitz?"

"No, not originally, as I was told I wasn't allowed," he admitted. "There were a lot of things I was told I couldn't do but when I did them nothing changed, other than what happened in my timeline didn't happen in this one because I changed it. I apparently came back in many different timelines because I didn't change anything, and the cycle kept repeating. This time, it hit me that I had to stop playing a rigged game and create my own rules. I was tired of the fight in the 21st century; what we went through wore me down and a lot of it stemmed from things that happened now in this decade. If what I do here and now changes that future for this world, then it will be worth it." He looked out over the valley. "If I have someone at my side, someone I love, that will be worth the fight as well."

He turned back to her then, noticing her light brown, almost blonde hair, and her fine features. She was beautiful and had already been through so much. Perhaps she needed someone to believe in her.

"There was no one in the 21st century that you loved?" she asked, looking at him, then his lips.

"No, not really, not like how I feel right now."

Their kiss started out soft, as they tentatively touched their lips together, then it deepened as they opened themselves more to each other. Her hand went to his cheek then around to the back of his head. When it finished, they touched their foreheads together, both of them a little breathless. They walked back to the canteen, as Eva told him she promised to bring Lt. Hay a coffee. Then he walked her to the infirmary and kissed her again, before opening the door to the building for her. Steven returned to his office feeling almost giddy. Eva returned to the infirmary and handed the Lieutenant her coffee with a smile.

"You're in a good mood," said the nurse, sipping her coffee. "Anything happen?"

"Other than unburdening my soul?" Eva thought as she sipped her own coffee. "I had a good talk with Special Agent Grant. He helped me deal with some things that had been bothering me." She gestured to their two patients, the cloth panel between their beds removed. "How are they?"

"Good," said the Lieutenant. "I think they'll be okay."

With a smile Eva sat at the desk and began writing up the treatment of the two men. Noting the quick healing factor of Howlett she didn't put down his mutant abilities, knowing that if certain other agencies learned of him, they might be inclined to come calling. In the morning, Barnes' injuries would be assessed to see if he could be discharged. She suspected that he would be as his own healing abilities had increased remarkably since even her stay began at the base. It really was incredible what the serum did to the human body.

Author's notes: The story of the Geisterkinder is a reference to two parts in a book of connected one shots: From There to Here – Bucky Barnes One Shots. Part 13, The Ghost Children, and Part 18, A Little Late tell of Bucky and Sam (after FATWS) being part of the team that investigates the discovery of seven cryogenic capsules in a Canadian mine and the aftermath of that discovery. Since this work was inspired by Part 23, The Plan, also of that collection, I wanted to provide some more explanation about the capsules' origins and how they ended up halfway around the world. From There to Here – Bucky Barnes One Shots can be found under my username SJSmith56 on Wattpad, AO3 and .