Chapter 25. Impulsive
It was crowded on the subway ride home on Monday afternoon, so both Bucky and Steve had to stand, holding on to the straps as Peggy sat facing them. Both men could hear every conversation on the car and would occasionally smile at each other over some of the things they were unintentionally listening to. Bucky found it easier to deal with the voices when he was with Steve since they recognized the famous soldier, whispering about him instead of Bucky. He was taller than they thought, shorter than they thought, younger, older ... the combinations were funny and occasionally one or the other had to cough to avoid laughing out loud.
Steve had finally received clearance to rejoin the Howling Commandos and was preparing to leave by the weekend, flying over to France with Peggy to join the others. Even though Bucky had a conversation with Dr. Erskine over feeling more positive about the procedure, the doctor wanted to be sure the injured super soldier was ready emotionally. He didn't say that to everyone, couching it in other language that placed the issue on the equipment, but the understanding doctor spoke to Bucky in private for some time trying to glean the reason the young man suddenly felt better about his prospects. Knowing that any ambivalence on Bucky's part could affect how the process affected him, Dr. Erskine wanted the sergeant to confide in him why he had suddenly decided he was ready. Concerned that Bucky still felt some distress over his initial treatment in the HYDRA factory in Austria, Erskine wasn't totally convinced that the memories of the pain, the torture, and the feeling of helplessness as he was subjected to the memory wipe process suddenly no longer bothered him. At the same time the older man tried to reassure Bucky that he just didn't want the sergeant to feel rushed into it.
"James." Erskine always used his given name. "We won't undertake the procedure until we are both completely ready for it. I am not a cruel man, but I have to be honest. The procedure will be painful and gruelling, but you will always have the power to stop it from going further."
"I would feel better about it if you could guarantee that my arm would regrow," admitted Bucky. "I was hoping that I could do it before Steve left. You all must think I am a coward."
"No!" exclaimed Dr. Erskine. "I would never think that of you. James, you have survived a terrible fall from a great height, had to wait almost two days for help to reach you, withstood the pain of having every bone in your body broken, then reset to heal properly. A coward would not have withstood a fraction of that, but you endured much to survive. There is no timeline for when you are ready, but I also have to be certain that you are."
"Well, maybe it will be sooner," said Bucky. "Since the weekend I've been feeling better about a lot of things." Dr. Erskine looked at him expectantly. "I met someone, and she makes me feel like I can do this."
"I'm glad to hear it, James," smiled Erskine. "But until we're both sure we won't subject you to the procedure. We will see how you are in the coming week and go from there."
Although Bucky was disappointed that Dr. Erskine wouldn't put him through the procedure sooner, Steve pointed out that even he underwent training for a week to gauge his suitability for it, until the decision to go ahead with him as the subject was made.
"A week or two of Dr. Erskine being sure isn't going to make a lot of difference," he rationalized. "But it could be enough to ensure the results are successful."
The rest of the day had been spent going over the latest intelligence on the whereabouts of Dr. Zola, as well as more arrests of HYDRA sympathizers in Europe, and North America. Even in their headquarters Bucky and Steve had been involved in the arrest of several SSR employees, identified as supporting HYDRA. Bucky felt more anticipation about being part of the SSR in the fight against those fascists in Europe, wanting to get back there and be part of it again.
As they came up to their stop Bucky prepared to move aside to the sliding doors, bracing his feet against the deceleration. When the car came to a stop both men let Peggy go to the doors before them, following her out to the platform, and taking the stairs to the street level. On their arrival at the flat, Peggy went to the room she shared with Steve to get changed right away.
"You're definitely going to get married before you leave?" asked Bucky.
"We are," replied Steve. "Even though she's coming with me, we've waited long enough. Plus, I want you to be my best man."
"Always, pal," said Bucky, patting him on the arm.
There was a knock on the door and Bucky opened it to their neighbour, holding a piece of paper. "There was a call for you this morning," he said. "A dame, um, her name was Gladdie?"
Bucky grabbed the paper, read it and looked at Steve. "You have any cash?" he asked. "She had a fight with her parents and left. She's been sitting at Grand Central Station all day, waiting for me to get home."
"Yeah," replied his friend, digging into his pockets, and pulling out several bills. "You taking a cab?"
"Yeah, I wish I had known this earlier," answered Bucky. "I could have brought her back to the lab."
He headed back out and hailed a taxi, asking the driver to take him to Grand Central Station.
"It's going to be a while to get there, buddy," said the man.
"If you get me there in less than half an hour, I'll give you a 50-cent tip," said Bucky. "I'll give you another 50-cent tip if you wait for me."
"You got it," answered the driver. "Never figured you army guys to be flush with cash but 1 is a good tip."
Bucky said nothing on the way there but was pleased the driver pushed the speed limit and wound his way through traffic quickly, getting to Grand Central Station in 28 minutes. Giving the driver his first tip and the fare, he watched as the man put his busy sign up behind the front windshield. Then he ran up the steps and into the cavernous building, his eyes adjusting to the light inside. It took a few moments of scanning the people below before he saw Gladdie, sitting on one of her suitcases and ran down the steps towards her. When she saw him, her face lit up in relief, and he enclosed her with his right arm as she began to cry.
"Baby, it's okay," he said, kissing her. "I didn't get your message until we got home from the lab, and I took a cab right here. Come on, the driver's waiting for us."
She had two suitcases with her, and he picked the bigger one up, leaving the smaller one for her. When they got to the taxi, he put the luggage in the trunk and opened the back seat door for her, then went to the other side, sitting in on her left. Giving the driver the nod, he sat back and put his arm around Gladdie's shoulder, pulling her close.
"What happened?" he asked softly.
"A neighbour told them he saw us kissing in Central Park yesterday," she said, looking intently at his face. "Said I was disgracing the family being seen with you. They called me a tramp and you a traitor. I tried to tell them the traitor was the man spreading those lies about you, but they wouldn't listen."
He shook his head in sympathy with her, pressing his lips to her forehead. "You told them we haven't even ...," he began.
"They didn't want to hear it," she interrupted. "My father called me some terrible names."
She began to cry, and Bucky pulled her even closer, wanting to absorb all of the pain she was feeling.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "It's all my fault."
"No!" she looked up at him, her face animated even through the tears. "Bucky, you're the best thing to ever happen to me. I told them if they couldn't respect that I was in love with you then I was leaving."
He continued to hold her and kiss the side of her head then realized what she just said.
"You love me?"
"I love you," she replied. "As soon as I said it to them, I believed it. I'd follow you anywhere. We don't even have to get married."
"No, no, we're getting married," he said firmly, pulling away and cupping her face with his hand. "I love you, too. I want a life with you, all of it. Will you marry me?"
"You love me that much?" she asked. "We've only known each other a few days."
"I don't care," he replied, searching all of her face as if he was committing it to memory. "I knew when I first saw you that you were special. Marry me, Gladdie. Be my wife and I'll do all that I can to make you happy."
She smiled and nodded, saying yes over and over again. Bucky kissed her everywhere on her face, before finishing on her lips, kissing her fiercely.
"Mazeltov," said the driver, looking at them through the rear-view mirror. "First proposal in my taxi."
"Thanks," grinned Bucky. "We may need you to drive us to city hall tomorrow for the licence."
The driver handed a card back to Bucky. "Just call the number and ask for Daniel Levinson. That's me."
"Bucky, I have some money in the bank," said Gladdie, gazing at him earnestly. "It's not much but it's enough to set up a flat."
"We can stay where we are for now," he said. "It's a two-bedroom flat and it's affordable but we'll share it with Steve and Peggy for a few days. They're getting married this week as they're both going to Europe on the weekend to join the Howling Commandos. We'll have it to ourselves once they leave." He looked troubled for a moment. "If I have the procedure and it's successful, I'll have to go to Europe as well, but you can live with my parents while I'm gone, if you want to save money. They like you; you know. They'll want to be there when we get married."
"They won't disapprove?" she asked, seeming worried. "I only met them yesterday."
"No, they already know how I feel about you," he smiled. "They'll be happy for us. I know it."
She rested her head on his shoulder, wanting to believe his words, but after what happened with her parents Gladdie wondered if Bucky was being overly optimistic. Part of her was worried about Steve and Peggy's reaction, even though she had met them twice and got along with them.
"I've got savings as well," said Bucky, "and we can open a garage together. You can manage it and when I'm done with the Howling Commandos, we can work together fixing cars and motorcycles. I want you to be happy, Gladdie, and I know working on motors makes you happy."
"You'd do that for me?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'd do anything for you," he replied softly. "I love you."
On their arrival, Bucky paid the driver, thanking him for waiting at the station, then pulled the luggage out of the trunk. As the couple stood on the street in front of his parent's brownstone Bucky hesitated, looking between his parent's home and the building with his flat.
"This is your choice," he said. "You can stay at my parent's place in the spare room, or you can live at the flat in my room with me, although the bed is a single. We don't have to do anything before the wedding. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for."
"I'll stay with you but maybe the night before the wedding you can stay with your parents. You know, so the groom doesn't see the bride on the day of the wedding until the ceremony."
"Yeah, we can do it that way," he replied, hugging her.
She looked so perfect on the sidewalk, wearing a pretty dress, with her hair up in her French roll. Her fair skin and green eyes were in contrast to his bright blue eyes and dark features, drawing several looks from people walking past them. Taking her larger suitcase while she took her other one, they crossed the road and stepped up into the other brownstone, going up the stairs to the third floor. The door was unlocked, and Bucky opened it for her, allowing her to enter first. Steve and Peggy came to the entry way from the kitchen.
"Are you alright?" asked Steve. "Your parents didn't hurt you?"
"No, they didn't touch me, although they were pretty cruel with their words," said Gladdie. "I'm going to stay here and we're going to get married."
She glanced away for a moment, unsure if she wanted to see their reaction but both Steve and Peggy touched her arm.
"It's the right decision," said Peggy. "You'll be safe here and Bucky will be good to you." She looked at Steve briefly before returning her attention to the other couple. "You know, you could get married before we leave on Sunday morning. I know Steve has always wanted to be best man for Bucky."
"When is your wedding?" asked Gladdie, glancing at Bucky. "That's awfully quick."
"Friday, we're getting the licence tomorrow," said Peggy. "I would be honoured if you would be my maid of honour. You could do it on the same day."
Gladdie's mind was overwhelmed with the possibilities until Bucky came to her rescue. "Let's see how my mother feels about one big luncheon or two smaller ones," he said. "She offered to host a wedding lunch for these two. If we have everyone already there, then it should be no big deal to make it for both of us. You'll need to come to the lab with me tomorrow as they'll want to run a security check on you."
"Alright, let's go ask your mother about Friday," smiled Gladdie. "That gives us some more time to get to know each other better."
As the couple went across the street to check with Mrs. Barnes, Steve put his arms around Peggy.
"You don't mind sharing our wedding day?" he asked.
"No, I like her very much and I think she just needs some support," she said. "There's already a file on her. I noticed it today."
Steve looked at her, questioning why. "It arrived a few weeks ago with the courier. She was based at Camp Griffiss so she already had security clearance to be there." Peggy's face became serious. "There was an incident. A colonel requested a driver for an evening visit to a private club of ill repute. Somehow, she was assigned which should never have happened. Several soldiers waiting around took advantage of her vulnerability and attacked her. Steven Grant was nearby with his team, as they were doing some night training. He intervened and carried her back to the base hospital in his arms. His team took the soldiers involved into custody, then he went back and pulled the colonel out of the club by his collar. Don't have to tell you what happened next. They kept her available in the motor pool to testify in the court martials, but she didn't go back out as a driver after that. As soon as the court martial ended Grant arranged for her to be released from duty and flew her back here on the courier aircraft."
"You don't think he arranged for her to be at the dance, do you?" asked Steve. "He's the one who told me about it although it was just after I woke up."
Peggy shrugged. "Probably a coincidence since it happened after he went back, but seeing how protective Bucky has become of her I'm guessing she's told him what happened to her. It would explain how quickly they connected. You yourself have noticed that he's been much happier in the last couple of days."
"I have noticed," answered Steve. "He was beginning to worry me and there was no way they were going to subject him to the full treatment in his state of mind. I did want to be there for him before we left, having gone through it before."
"He'll be alright," said Peggy, touching his cheek. "I saw him talking to Dr. Erskine today and it seemed to be a much more positive conversation."
The sound of laughter on the landing outside the apartment drew their attention. The door opened to Bucky and Gladdie entering, both of them looking extremely happy.
"It's all set," said Bucky. "We'll get married Friday, Ma said it's no bother to have our luncheon with yours. While you're at your hotel for your wedding night, we'll have our wedding night here."
Gladdie looked at Bucky with adoration, but Steve shook his head in disagreement. "You should at least have your wedding night somewhere nice, with more privacy and less crying from the Delgado baby," he said. "The Hotel St. George has a deal for military personnel. That's where we're staying. Bucky, you should call them."
He took the suggestion with a smile. Dinner was almost ready, and the two couples ate and talked throughout dinner, then all of them pitched in to clean up after. Steve put the radio on and sat in the armchair while Peggy sat on his lap. Bucky and Gladdie sat on the sofa, holding hands.
"Do you want to let your parents know about the wedding?" he asked.
"I guess I should, but I don't expect that they'll show up," she replied. "They told me if I walked out the door not to come back." She laid her head against Bucky's shoulder, and he shifted so he could put his arm around her.
"My dad will give you away, if you want," he offered. "Rebecca's thrilled to be a flower girl for both of our weddings." He squeezed her shoulder and kissed her on the side of her head. "I'm actually getting married."
Gladdie turned to look at him with a grin on her face. "So am I."
"We should pick out a song for our first dances," suggested Steve.
The two men and Peggy threw song choices back and forth then Gladdie cleared her throat and they all looked at her.
"I've always been partial to The Man I Love by Billie Holiday," she said. "It's full of emotion and it was the first song we danced to on Saturday night. You two could pick something different but it fits how I feel about Bucky."
"It's a good song," agreed Bucky. "Remember when we saw her in the club in Harlem singing that, Steve?"
"Yeah, that was just after I turned 21," he replied. "Didn't she say then she had just recorded it and it would be out in a few months? Peggy, are you okay with it?"
"I think it's a good song, but we'll have to find a copy," she said.
Bucky disappeared into his room, coming back with a 78-rpm disc inside a sleeve. Handing it to Steve, he took it out of the sleeve, placed it on the phonograph, cranked it up, and dropped the needle at the beginning of it. Reaching out with his right hand to Gladdie, Bucky pulled her close as Steve did the same with Peggy. The couples danced to the sultry sounds of Billie Holiday, with Bucky even attempting some fancy moves that made Gladdie laugh. When the song finished, he looked at her with definite love.
"That's the song I want," he murmured.
Steve twirled Peggy around. "What else do you have in your room, Bucky? Let's dance some more with our girls."
With a smile he pulled Gladdie into his bedroom to help search his box of records, and she saw the narrow bed in the corner of the room. Above it was a lamp, and a crucifix; on the nightstand were pictures of his parents. On the dresser were his hairbrush and comb. Beside the dresser was a single chair and beside that a box filled with records. Bucky looked up from where he was flipping through his records and came over to where she was standing, gazing at the minimal furnishings.
"I can sleep on the couch so you can have the bed," he said. "The crucifix was here already. I'm not religious."
"It's not that," she answered, turning to him. "I'll share your bed, although I don't know if I'm ready to be intimate yet. We can take the cross down because it doesn't mean much to me either. There's nothing of you in here, except for your parent's pictures and maybe the records. Who's the real Bucky?"
He ran his hand through his hair then took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.
"I kind of lost him for a while," he admitted. "I'm interested in many things, astronomy, literature, how things work, but I've always worked with my hands, ever since I got on at the docks. If it hadn't been the Depression, I think I would have gone to college, but I didn't save enough once I started working because I liked to go out, dance, and have a good time. Then the war came, and I was drafted. They trained me to be a sniper which meant I was made a sergeant. I never wanted to be that, but it was my duty and I accepted the responsibility." He pulled her over to the bed, sitting on it. "When they put the serum in me, in that HYDRA factory, I was dying. They figured I had severe pneumonia, plus my ribs were broken from beatings, and I was worn down by war, killing, and being responsible for men's lives. While I accepted that my body had changed, I changed as well, but not necessarily in a good way. I began taking risks, putting myself into dangerous situations, maybe not being a good person all the time. Outwardly, I'd say I was fine but inside I was terrified at what I had become. I never had a choice in it, not like Steve. He was given the choice and readily accepted it as it was the only way he could join the army."
Steve appeared at the door and looked solemnly at Bucky, nodded, then closed the door, leaving the couple to talk in private. Bucky knew his friend had heard what he was telling Gladdie. It was important that she knew it all before they went any further.
"Steven Grant could tell that I was struggling, and tried to help me, tried to help Steve understand what I was going through. There were others on Grant's squad who knew as well and they tried but some things, well, a man just has to work through it himself. That train that I fell off of? I wasn't supposed to be on that mission. Grant gave me a direct order. Even though his title was Special Agent his rank was Major, and he ordered me not to get on that train."
"You actually worked with him?" asked Gladdie. "He never said a word about rescuing you or knowing you or Steve and Peggy."
"He wouldn't," replied Bucky, his mouth set in a grim line. "Remember how you said Steve reminded you of him? There's a reason for that." He looked at her intently. "Steven Grant is Steve Rogers, except he ended up in the future, in the 21st century, but still a young man. So did I, but not the same way he did. When he woke up, he was still Steve Rogers, but I was something else, a weapon, made to kill for HYDRA. They got their hands on me after I fell from the train and turned me into something terrible. They found a way to freeze me until they needed me to kill for them and kept me like that until Steven found me and fought against me in 2014. He came back in time, Gladdie, to stop them from taking me. He didn't want me on the train so that I wouldn't fall, and HYDRA wouldn't get me, but I just had to prove him wrong, that I wouldn't fall, and that I had control over my own fate."
He stopped talking for a moment, reliving that day, when he took the full blast of the weapon the HYDRA soldier fired at him, a weapon so powerful it knocked a hole out of the side of the train. He told her how he had been holding Steve's shield in front of him, how it took the majority of the blast, but the impact knocked it out of his hands. He was sent hurtling out into the air, away from any hand hold to grasp at on the side of the train, and he fell, screaming all the way, hitting the rocky sides of the chasm, feeling his bones break with every contact until he landed at the bottom hundreds of feet below, and finally passed out. Gladdie said nothing, but she didn't pull her hand away or get up. A spark of hope remained in Bucky that she would accept him still.
"You said before that a man found you and gave you the choice to live or die," she said. "Tell me about that."
"When I fell, Steve and Gabe took control of the train, and radioed the Howling Commandos, telling them what happened," he said. "They radioed a base in Italy where Steven Grant was with his team. He wanted to be close enough in case I still fell. He remembered approximately where I landed, and they came looking for me. By what the future me told him he had less than two days to get to me before HYDRA found me. Until he got there, I was alone for two days, broken, freezing ... I had to fight off a wolf on my own. Killed it even though my good arm was broken. That's when I lost hope and just wanted to drift off. Grant drove his squad hard to get to me and when they did get there, late on the second day I was delirious with pain, every bone in my body was broken and my arm was gone. I vaguely remember saying I wanted it to be over, and it angered him. He put his hand around my throat and said he would kill me if that's what I truly wanted. Then I guess I didn't want to die because I began to struggle and fight against him. He gave me a shot of Dr. Erskine's serum and within minutes I was lucid enough to know I had messed up really bad by disobeying his order. They splinted my limbs, and four of them with the greatest strength, carried me out on a stretcher, while the others covered our backs. We took fire and they fought for me, Gladdie. God knows I didn't deserve it after being the ass I was, but they got me back to safety in Italy. I had to have every bone broken again to reset it properly because the serum had already begun to do its job, knitting the bones together even though they were out of place. Then I was flown to England to recuperate for several weeks then back here after that. A single vial of serum could fix the rest of me but couldn't bring my arm back."
"So, you were alive, and healing but you were hurting deep inside," said Gladdie, her face full of compassion. "You must have retreated into yourself. When I was in the hospital in England and just after they released me, they called it melancholia. Said it was extreme grief over losing something. I guess for me it was losing my trust in people. During the court martial, the officers assigned to defend the colonel who was charged with putting me into danger tried to say all I had to do was leave but as a corporal who was ordered to stay and wait for a superior officer you know that if you disobey and leave, you're in trouble. Thank goodness, Steven Grant was there, and General Phillips was on the tribunal because they refused to let it become my failure to recognize the danger I was in. That was when I began to get my trust back. You lost trust in yourself, didn't you? As well as grieving over losing your arm."
"Yeah, I did," agreed Bucky. "My body was better, but my head wasn't, still isn't completely. That procedure that could perhaps restore my arm would only work if I was sure about myself and I wasn't, not until I met you. You didn't let my arm bother you. There was no pity in your eyes or hesitation to put your hand on my stump when we danced. You were the first person to ask me what happened in a straightforward way. I think I fell in love with you right then. It was like you were the woman I was looking for before the war but never found until you left the Bronx, and I left Brooklyn, so that we could meet in Queens."
Her smile warmed Bucky and he wanted nothing more than to wrap himself around her, but she hadn't returned his sentiment now that she knew more, and he was sure there were more questions. The fact she was still holding his hand had to count for something.
"Can you tell me what this procedure is that will restore your arm?"
He nodded, then breathed out noticeably, knowing she wasn't cleared to know this, but she needed to know before committing to a life with him and he wanted her, so very much.
"I'll receive multiple doses of the super soldier serum, at one time," he said. "It will be injected directly into my muscles. While that's happening, I'll be inside an enclosed chamber and be dosed with high levels of Vita-Ray radiation. It's the same treatment Steve had. Dr. Erskine believes it will shock my body into regrowing my arm, as the serum will try to fix what's still broken." He licked his lips before telling her the rest. "It will also add more height and weight to my body, so I'll be big like Steve. It's going to be painful and although I want you to be there while it's happening it might be hard for you to bear."
"How soon after will you leave for Europe?"
She gazed into his eyes, and he could see worry in them, worry for him, and for them both.
"I don't know, as they'll likely need to do tests on my strength and dexterity before clearing me for active duty," he replied. "I meant what I said about setting you up with a repair garage. I don't want you pining away for me. You need to keep busy doing something you like. I'm coming back to you, Gladdie. I plan to have a long marriage with you and as many kids as you'll grace me with, even if that's none. When we've flushed out all of HYDRA, I'm coming back to you. I know this is a big ask, but I'm asking you to trust that I won't take anymore unnecessary risks."
"Alright," she said simply. "I trust you, more than anyone. But I want something in return from you, Bucky. I want ... I want to be carrying your child before you go. If anything happens to you then a part of you will be with me, always. I also want you to promise that when you come back, you leave all the fighting behind, and we build our life together."
"What if another war happens and I'm drafted again, or if HYDRA reappears?" he asked. "I have to answer the call, especially with my physical abilities."
"Those are the only times," she replied, after considering his words. "But if we go back to war so soon, it doesn't say much for humanity, does it?" She looked directly at him. "Is that asking too much?"
"No, not at all." He took a deep breath. "Alright. I'll stay available for duty, but it won't be my life. You will be my life; you and our family."
"Do you need anything from me?" she asked. "I'll stay faithful to you, and live here, in this apartment because I would rather be closer to your parents than to mine right now. If we manage to find a place to open a garage before you leave, I'll work there. If not, I'll wait for you to return. I can take business courses while you're gone, so that end of it is clear to me."
"You'll write me and send me pictures?" he countered. "As much as you can, so I don't miss out on anything."
With a smile, she nodded, then she caressed his face and kissed him, softly at first, then she opened herself to him and they kissed passionately, both of them allowing the other completely past their defences. Neither of them could remember ever feeling this way about anyone before. It was like they were always meant to be together.
When they came out of the bedroom, Steve stood up, a worried look on his face.
"Are you two, okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, we're good," smiled Bucky. "I told Gladdie everything. I know she doesn't have security clearance, but I wanted her to know before she committed to a life with me."
Peggy stood up. "Actually, she still has her clearance from her posting in England." She looked at Gladdie. "You came back to New York on a courier aircraft, didn't you?"
"Yes, Steven Grant said General Phillips had me assigned to be the courier for that flight. There was a driver waiting at the airfield for me and everything. I dropped off the package at the MPs station when I arrived, then he took me home. That was alright, wasn't it?"
Peggy smiled. "Couriers have top secret clearance. Your file was already in the package, confirming it. Officially, you're part of the SSR, Gladdie, although you're on leave until called into duty."
"I didn't know." She put her hand up to her mouth, slightly shaken by the news. "What does it all mean?"
"It means someone wanted you to know everything about Bucky, without getting either of you in trouble," said Steve. "I have a feeling the same someone told me about the dance when I was recovering, said I had to make sure Bucky went with us to it. How he knew you would be there before you were even released from your service is beyond me."
"Grant?" asked Bucky. He should have been suspicious, maybe even angry, but as he looked at the woman beside him, feeling her gentle nature glowing from her he wasn't angry in the least. "I guess I owe him."
It was late and they had a big day ahead of them, with going for the marriage licences and taking Gladdie to SSR headquarters to confirm her clearance. Bucky gave her privacy to get dressed for bed, waiting out in the living room with Steve, while Peggy used the bathroom. He must have looked nervous because his friend grinned gently at him.
"What are you giving me that look for?"
"I never figured Bucky Barnes was nervous about sleeping with a dame," said Steve. "Except, Gladdie's not just any dame, is she? She's a lady and there's something special about her."
Bucky breathed out noticeably. "Yeah, a bunch of guys in the motor pool tried to take advantage of her. Grant intervened and made sure they were prosecuted. You know she was stationed close to where we were. I could have met her then but because she was engaged, she didn't go out when she had leave. They all thought she was stuck up, but she was just trying to stay in the background. There I was, chasing anyone wearing a skirt and she was there all along, except I didn't see her." He grimaced. "I don't deserve her."
"Sure, you do," said Steve, gently. "You've been a gentleman with her since you met. You've always been respectful of women but with Gladdie, you've been on another level. I think you're good for each other, Bucky. I believe that."
"I'm waiting for our wedding night." The dark-haired man looked at his friend. "I want this to last, Steve. I want to have children with her, grow old with her, and be with her until death do us part. Never thought I would feel that way about any woman, but I do, with her."
Peggy came out of the bathroom then and Bucky picked up his pyjamas and robe, smiling slightly at her and at Steve. When he came out of the bathroom, the living room was dark, and they were in their room. He knocked on his door and heard a faint "come in." Gladdie was sitting on the edge of the single bed, wearing a red and white polka-dotted robe, with her hair let down at the back. Bucky put his folded-up clothes on the chair, took his robe off and sat next to her, offering her his right hand.
"I can sleep on the couch if you're more comfortable that way," he said quietly. "I don't mind, really."
"No, I want to be close to you," she said. "I haven't been close to any man since before I left for England. Before we get in bed, I just want to ask if you would do one thing?"
"Sure." He turned a little towards her, giving her all of his attention.
"Would you let me see your stump?"
He expelled an anxious breath, then clamped his jaw shut, swallowing before he stood up and began unbuttoning his shirt. For a moment he had trouble and became flustered, then Gladdie gently put her hands on his right hand.
"Let me," she offered.
With a brief nod, he dropped his hand and watched as she undid the rest of the buttons, then opened his shirt. He was still wearing a sleeveless undershirt underneath and she smoothed her hands over his chest while looking up at his eyes. His nervousness was evident, and Gladdie placed a palm on his cheek, then raised herself slightly to kiss him.
"It's alright," she crooned. "I'm not afraid of what it looks like, and you shouldn't be afraid to let me see it."
His voice was barely above a whisper. "It's hard for me. I feel broken."
"We're all broken in one way or another." Once again, she was focused intently on his eyes. "It's just more visible in you. You're still beautiful, inside and out."
His eyes teared up, then he nodded, and she began to remove his pyjama shirt from his shoulders, displaying the stump where his left arm once was. She took his shirt and placed it on the chair, then took her robe off, revealing a sleeveless white cotton nightdress. Gently, she ran her hand from his left shoulder, down over the joint, then along the remains of his left arm. Looking between Bucky's face and his arm, she caressed it, using his reactions to determine if she was going too far. He still looked down, making it difficult to maintain eye contact.
"Bucky," she said softly. "Look at me." He raised his eyes. "What do you see on my face?" Shaking his head, he didn't answer. "I'll tell you what I see when I look at you. I see the man I'm going to love for the rest of my life. We're going to have children, and a life together whether he has no arm, a new arm, or an artificial arm." She placed her hand on the middle of his chest. "You have a good heart, and I love you, Bucky ... all of you, broken or whole. Please, don't hide yourself from me."
Placing her right hand on his stump, she circled his neck with her left and pulled him down, kissing him passionately. Moving as if he still had his left arm Bucky wrapped his remaining arm around her and pulled her close as he cried into her neck, a cry of both relief and surrender. When they pulled apart, Gladdie pulled the bedclothes back and waited for Bucky to get in. Then she snuggled under his right arm, with her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. It was a tight fit on the narrow bed, then she grinned and sat up, reaching over him to turn off the bedside lamp at the top of the bed. In the dimness of the room, she hovered, looking down at him and he suddenly remembered looking up at her while she stood on the step above him at the train station. Even in the dark she looked like an angel. Now she was his angel, forever, if he wanted it and he did. His hand caressed her back and she kissed him again. With a soft sigh she resumed her position and breathed slowly in and out. Gradually, Bucky's breathing matched hers and the couple fell asleep.