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She could collapse as she makes her way back into her apartment. Her heart is racing away and her mind spins relentlessly. There's some part of her which wonders if any of what she just lived through was real. With all of her heart, she wishes that it wouldn't be. She wants to wake up, safe and warm in her bed, with only her students and rent to worry about.
She makes herself a coffee. She manages to sit herself down by a table. She takes no books, no computer to distract herself. Instead, she had only her thoughts. It's not as if they're not such a mess right now, that she won't have her hands full trying to make sense of it. She runs through everything that she witnessed a little over an hour ago in her mind. She's not sure if it's because it's all still rather fresh, or if it's the shock, but she can see every single detail or that tiny room and its occupant almost as acutely as if she were actively standing there. She runs her hands through her hair, brushing a few stray strands behind her ears.
If she's perfectly honest with herself, Zane Truesdale hasn't crossed her mind in a long while. It wasn't that she'd necessarily forgotten her old friend, far from it. It was more that with her current life, she hadn't been able to afford enough time to keep wondering about what had happened to her old acquaintances. Zane is a lone wolf. It had made sense that he would have gone off by himself, and found his way in the world, somehow… She is kicking herself now. Thinking of what she could, and should have done.
She still has Syrus' number. She should call him, let him know about his brother. If he doesn't know already that is.
Alexis holds off however.
Instead, there's another number in her phone that she calls first. It takes longer than she had thought it might for her to get an answer.
"Lexi?"
"Why didn't you tell me it was Zane?!"
She cuts straight to the chase. Hospital, or not, she isn't about to pull her punches. Atticus is a dope, she's used to that much, and tolerates it as best as she can. What she has far less patience for is keeping secrets. She needs answers, before she assumes the worst. There's some hesitation from the other end of the line. After a few moments, her brother speaks:
"He didn't want you- anyone… To know."
"Know what? That he's dying?!"
"Yes." She can hear him hesitating. "Sis. What happened? How'd you even know-"
"He answered the door Zane!" Alexis snaps loudly. "I don't know how, he's just skin and bone! But he got up and answered the door. I went inside! Have you seen where he's living it's-"
"Lexi-" Her brother cuts her short. "I know. I've seen it, him..."
Alexis doesn't quite know how to respond. With every second, she's frantically and silently fighting back against the spiraling emotions within herself. She doesn't want to be angry, or upset, and to take either or both of those things out on her injured sibling. It's impossible not to think back to Zane though. She sees him lying there, clearly sick, and dying, and all alone. Her brother had known, yet he'd done nothing. He hadn't so much as spoken a word about it. Eventually, despite her best efforts, some of it manages to slip past her defenses.
"And you're just letting him rot?"
"No. I'm trying to make sure that he doesn't lock himself away, and rot by himself." Atticus pauses for a moment, before his voice continues, trembling somewhat with emotion. "He's sick Lexi, really sick."
"I know… So why's he just sitting there, waiting to die?!"
She doesn't want to think about him like that. Even though in her heart of hearts, she knows full-well that's what he's doing. Wasting away slowly but surely. He's found a place to die, and is just waiting the last of his days out. She shakes her head, trying to rid the image from her mind. Frantically, she looks for hope, even though she knows that she's unlikely to find any. She can hear Atticus hesitate on the other end of the line.
"Lexi, it's been a hell of a day. Are you sure you want to do this now?"
"It's not like I'm going to be able to sleep if we wait for tomorrow." She lets out in a sigh.
"The truth is Zane's been sick for a while. Years now… Me and a friend, we've been bringing him medicine and making sure he has whatever he needs, otherwise I don't think he'd even bother. He just wants to be left alone. He made me promise to keep it all a secret."
"And you're okay with letting him?"
"What else am I supposed to do?"
She hears what must be close to tears behind his words. She's reminded that they were once friends. The best of friends. Even all these years later, there must still be enough there for Zane to trust him. Enough for Atticus to put aside any moral qualms he might have had to assist his friend, all the while not doing anything to force him to get proper help. It's enough to cause Alexis to pause for a moment. It's hard to put herself in her brother's shoes. In truth, it's not something that she often tries to do. Tonight she makes an exception.
The anger begins to wain just a little. She allows herself to breathe out. Atticus has done everything that he can, which, given the circumstances is quite a lot. So she tries to get her head out of the past and focus on the future:
"So what can we do for him?"
"Be there. That's all. If he needs anything, he'll tell us."
"That's it?" It doesn't seem like enough, it can't be enough.
"Sis… It's Zane. Push things too far, he's just going to break away."
She knows that much to be true. He can be terribly stubborn, at times. She can imagine him isolating himself from them if they push him too far. He's done so in the past. Alexis feels herself sink a little deeper into her chair. It's hard not to be overcome by a certain feeling of helplessness. Perhaps this is how Atticus has been feeling, for however long he's been having to keep this secret, this burden on his chest. Sitting there, she can find no miracle solutions. Angry as she might have been with her brother, she can offer nothing to counter his statements.
"It's late." Atticus continues. "I'll be out of here tomorrow. Then, lets just talk, okay?"
"Okay..." She takes a deep breath. "You get some rest."
"Same for you sis."
She puts the phone down. Somehow, she's exhausted from so little. Her appetite is gone too. Try as she might, the rest of the night is wasted. Nothing will come of it. As such, the woman heads to bed. Lying there, as she tries to find some sleep, it's impossible not to think of her old friend. Try as she might, there's no shaking the image of Zane from behind her eyes.