Adagio
Adagio – musical marking, slow and stately (literally, "at ease")
A/N: Quite an awakening, I'd say. Also, I think our guy has stalker-ish tendencies.
Chapter 5: Awakening (Mezameru 目覚める)
Mezameru means 'to awaken', 'to arouse', 'opening one's eyes', 'be conscious (of)'.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. ― William Shakespeare
Her intercom beeped to indicate an incoming call.
Glancing at the digital clock on the corner of the screen, Relena took a heavy breath.
She pressed a button to answer, "Yes. I am heading down now."
Before her aide left for the day she had asked her to reschedule her drive home. She wanted to spend extra time to concentrate on the reports. It was late already – she shouldn't make the team wait longer.
Saving the half-finished document and putting her laptop to sleep, she pushed to her feet. Grabbing her bag, she shoved the laptop in, along with a few manila folders. Wrapping up the remains of her panini sandwich, she chucked it into the garbage can, followed by the disposable coffee cup.
She took off her blazer from the hanger. Lifting the bag with one hand, she made her way to the door.
She walked through the hallway mostly on auto-pilot, her mind was still on her to-do list. It was that time of the year when there were a lot of paperwork to do.
Every fall, the government released Departmental Performance Reports for each ministry or agency. These reports described achievements relative to the expectations outlined in the corresponding departmental plans presented just before the beginning of the previous fiscal year.
Beside the Departmental Performance Reports, there were the tabling of Public Accounts which outlined the government's actual spending and financial position – its liabilities, assets and net debt.
Acknowledging leftover misgivings and public concern, the ESUN government had adopted a full transparency policy, intent on winning people's trust. Both the Performance Reports and the Public Accounts were not only referred to the House of Commons, but also audited by both the federal auditor and an independent body. A separate presentation – more at a high-level – would also be made accessible to public. That was more her responsibility.
The Minister of Finance would be the one presenting the economic and fiscal update, but each ministry had to supply all the necessary details. As the main estimates did not include the government's complete spending needs for the year, unanticipated spending needed to be tabled as Supplementary Estimates. It would then be presented to the Parliament for review and approval.
She didn't envy the Minister of Finance's job.
That still left her with a lot of financial reports to wrangle through. With the inclusion of the colonies as part of the foreign territories and the post-war rebuild efforts, their mandate had significantly expanded. Needless to say, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs had a lot of projects to report this year.
One step at a time, she cheered herself up. The performance reports were almost done. She had a rough draft of the public speech jotted down. There should be enough time left to work on the spending and supplementary estimates.
Loud claps echoed through the conference hall.
Relena stood from her seat on the stage, politely clapping as well. The Minister of Trade smiled and nodded at the audience, turning to leave the podium. The digital screen behind them, previously used to present the key points, turned blue. The federal government's coat of arms animated on the screen: a five point star in lighter blue outlined inside a perfect circle, olive branches wrapping the sides. The words 'Earth Sphere Unified Nation' displayed in white block letters, the letters slowly fading and rearranging themselves into the all-familiar acronym ESUN.
Today was a joint presentation from two ministries: the Ministry of International Trade and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. They were delivering the summary of public accounts to the broader audience. In reality, there were only a relatively small group of people gathering in person, the content of the presentation would be aired later in the evening news.
They were escorted down the stage, heading towards the exit on the far right side of the room.
The audience scrambled to get closer, crowding the rope line. It was made of sturdy aircraft aluminum, standing as high as regular person's chest, erecting a barricade from one wall to the other wall. It was meant to keep people from rushing over to the stage. It was now serving its purpose to prevent the public officials from getting mobbed by overly enthusiastic supporters.
Relena's default was to keep a safe distance, waving, nodding, and sending smiles as she passed by. The other minister on the other hand was veering to the audience, working through the crowd. Not unusual for a seasoned politician, and the broad shouldered minister was known for being a friendly populist.
She only had seconds to catch the eyes of her escorts. Heero moved to her in no time, her other guards tagging closely behind. There was no choice but to follow.
They were still several feet away when the crowd noticed Relena was heading towards them. The buzzing grew noticeably louder. The few hundreds people in the room were all stacked up the line, jostling to get to the very front. The calls were fervent.
"Vice minister!" "Miss Darlian!" "Lady Relena!"
The excitement was palpable. He and the older officer stayed on her left and right as Relena made her way through the masses, shaking hands and extending pats. The other two remained close, eyeing the crowd, highly alert.
It was not Heero's first time dealing with exuberant audience. In fact, everyone in the Security Division was trained specifically on this. Still, it took a skill to correctly assess if a person was friendly or an actual threat. With Relena, the distinction was even harder to tell.
He knew each person had been screened before entering the hall, but it didn't make him any less tense. They had to extricate her from many ardent handshakes. Some nearly bone-crushingly vigorous. A few feebly reverential, yet disinclined to let go just the same. They had to push back several hands reaching to her shoulder, heads leaning too close. They quickly caught a few e-links before they were fully lifted, cutting every single one off with 'No pictures'.
There was one instance when she was pulled into an unexpected bear hug, which she reciprocated with a gentle pat on one shoulder, before Heero peeled the man off her. Heero thought he was being rather forceful but the man didn't appear to notice him, teary eyes glued to her moving figure. It was almost disturbing to witness how obsessed people could be.
Only after all of them were secured in the car and they departed the venue, he heard sighs of relief. Relena remained subdued, pensive. Her quiet apology was answered with good-humored laughter.
"Now I know why you don't often work the crowd, Miss Relena."
The other officer shuddered, "Thank heaven for small mercies."
"And here I thought politicians were all about shaking hands and kissing babies."
"I bet someone is going to faint if she does any kissing."
Heero caught her eyes through the rear-view mirror. His succinct comment was half-serious, "Please don't."
She broke a smile at that, the tension on her shoulders slowly bled away.
Standing above others, what did it truly mean?
From time to time, Relena couldn't help but to contemplate that. Especially after these kind of days, when she faced people directly. To be in their reach, to personally talk to them, to see glimpses of their lives.
What did it truly mean to lead others? To preside over people. To hold power. A real, significant power.
She had barely gotten used to be a public figure. The scrutiny and malice were one thing. But there was something else her social position granted her. It allowed her a certain kind of acknowledgement, a certain level of control. Her actions and opinions could strongly influence the course of events. She was able to hold and move a wide audience.
She only started to realize that there was something damaging in her sway over the masses. Something harmful.
A little less than a year ago, she was so sure that no one would follow an unjust leader. That even if she was to endorse Mariemaia, or die for not doing so, the people would rise to protect peace. She wasn't so sure now.
Peace was indeed a worthy cause. Worthy enough for multitudes of people to believe. To pray for. To stake lives for.
And there was she, representing such a cause.
Among her supporters, there were those whose commendation was – for the lack of the better word – somewhat shallow.
Then there were those, who truly saw her as the embodiment of the cause. Of hope, of peace. Those who confused she, the person, with the cause she believed in.
Those who harbored naked adoration. Who held blind loyalty. Who swore unquestioning allegiance. Who would not hesitate to march and die for their queen. For her. Whether she wanted it or not.
How could she break that misconception? How could she make them see?
What was one supposed to do to guide people, but not leading them astray?
She realized she never did understand what it meant to stand above people. She was just starting to.
It occurred to him that he never got to watch her sleeping.
Heero had found Relena asleep on the backseat, one hand on her laptop bag, her breathing even.
From what he knew so far, she was not one to take naps. She almost never slept while traveling, except perhaps during long shuttle flights. Even then she only slept if it was a red-eye flight.
She had every right to be exhausted. The few days after the press conference was packed. Even the week before that, she had spent longer and longer hours in the office.
He noticed that she had resorted to drinking coffee. By now, he had known her drink preference fairly well. She normally preferred tea. Or water. Not the soda kind, just plain water with maybe a bit of lemon. She had had more coffee in the past week than the past six months combined.
She must be drained.
Heero parked the car as close to the door as possible, wordlessly turning off the engine. Quietly not to wake her, he slipped out of the car. Opening the door on her side carefully, he bent down to pry her bag off her hand. She felt warm to the touch.
Deciding against waking her up, he sent one of the home security officers inside to notify her housekeeper instead.
He thought her voice sounded off today.
There was a feeling of lightheadedness as Relena opened her eyes, wrapped in a vague sense of buoyancy.
"...Heero?"
"Sleep more." His voice was close to her ear, comforting. Remarkably close.
Blinking sleep out of her eyes, she started to ask a question, before realizing she was truly floating in the air.
She tensed and reflexively held on to him. Jarred awake, it occurred to her that Heero was carrying her in his arms. He continued without breaking stride.
Mind jumping to the worst conclusion, sheer panic washed over her. The terror subsided as she registered the view of her own home. Her brain slowly recalled the day's event. She must have fallen asleep in the car.
Conscious that she might be choking him, she loosened her hold on Heero's neck. Her mumbled 'sorry' was answered with a low sound of acknowledgement.
"You can put me down," she shifted uncomfortably. "I am awake."
He slowed down and looked at her. She tried a smile, getting ready to stand on her feet.
"No."
She blinked at that. He resumed walking.
"Really, I'm fine." She tried not to raise a fuss. "I can walk myself."
He didn't look down this time. "No."
Her housekeeper appeared on the hallway, pointing to her bedroom upstairs. His hold on her remained secure as they steadily made their way up the staircase. The older lady's eyes followed them, as was likely the case with however many officers witnessing the spectacle through the monitoring cameras. She closed her eyes in mortification, hiding her face on his shoulder.
"Relena?"
"Nothing," she replied, almost inaudibly. "...just embarrassed."
His low sound of acknowledgement didn't feel reassuring this time.
Heero deposited her on her bed.
He didn't mean to embarrass her, he thought, noting that Relena was avoiding his eyes.
Undeterred, he eyed her closely. Her face looked rather flushed. He placed a hand on her forehead, another hand on her neck. That brought her nervous eyes back to him.
"You have a fever," he said matter-of-factly.
He let go of her face, watching her breathe in disbelief. She opened her mouth to speak, abruptly stopped, the blush on her cheeks deepened.
He was glad she didn't argue. He really didn't want to upset her.
He rose to his feet, "Please rest."
Her lips thinned into a line, her eyes conflicted. She looked up at him, managing a resigned reply. "I am fine, Heero."
Not wanting to argue, he just nodded. He went to leave, taking one last glance before closing the door. He learned her 'I am fine' couldn't be trusted sometimes.
Her throat hurt.
Waking up several hours later, Relena pushed the blanket down, reaching to the glass of water her housekeeper left next to her bed.
It turned out Heero was right. The thermometer readings did indicate a fever.
Her housekeeper had fussed over her, alternating between berating her and blaming herself. She should have noticed, she said, the miss had no appetite for days. Relena had not thought of it much, thinking it was just the usual. Some people tended to eat more when stressed, she tended to eat less. She didn't realize she was unwell.
Thinking objectively, she did pull quite a lot of overtime. She didn't realize how much work had cut into her sleep. That might have been one of the reasons.
Good thing it was Friday. She had the entire weekend to get better. If not, she would message Justine and take Monday off. There was only a little work left after all – they would manage.
Placing the glass down, her eyes caught the brown teddy bear sitting on her bedside.
Thinking of the man who gave it to her, she had that mixed feeling again. A bit of exasperation, a bit of gratitude, a whole lot of bashfulness. Heero's stubborn concern was both irritating and endearing.
He caught her by surprise every once in a while: gifting her a stuffed animal, joking in a monotone voice, breaking into a smile, pulling her close unreservedly...
Feeling her pulse quickened, she forced that train of thought to a halt. She really should blame Heero. If it wasn't for her cold, she could have sworn her rising temperature and the dizziness were solely out of embarrassment.
As it was, the thrill couldn't be good for her recovery.
She still could feel his hands on her face and neck. Burying her face on the pillow, she told herself to stop. The satin pillowcase was cool on her burning face. She had a sinking feeling that the memory of being held in his arms wouldn't be that easily forgotten.
Maybe she really ought to take a day off. She wasn't sure how to face him on Monday.
Heero found that Monday came as it always did. Relena went to work, looking perfectly normal.
She greeted everyone cheerfully, her steps light. It was as if she never got sick.
"The doctor came by on Saturday," she told him privately. "I am all better now."
The nagging feeling that followed him over the weekend didn't disappear. She didn't tell others she had been unwell.
Observing her over the next few days, she really seemed to be recovered. She acted as she always did, smiling, affable. Thanking him almost teasingly. Even the leftover rasp in her voice faded rather quickly. Everything was back to normal...
Except that she had been avoiding looking into his eyes. The awkwardness never lasted more than a split second, then she was back to her usual self.
The nagging feeling shifted from concern to discomfort. Yet it persisted.
Working for the government offered certain kinds of benefits, her aide told her.
She and Justine were discussing schedules for the next month. Holiday season, vacations, and how to work out an adequate staff coverage.
Although the salary was not exactly top-of-the-line, a federal employee got paid a handsome sum. Not all of them in straight cash, but a lot of benefits. A very cushy pension. Full medical coverage. Flexible work arrangements. Options for sabbatical. A long maternity/parental leave. Generous paid time off: sick days, personal days, and vacation days.
Not that Relena would know, her aide had teased her.
Justine was the only person in her team who knew she was down with a cold. She left her a message last weekend, just in case they needed to reschedule her meetings.
She wound up recovering enough to come in. So she simply did.
Her aide was commenting that she hardly took any time off. Justine rattled off a number playfully and it actually surprised her. She was unaware of the number of vacation days she had not taken. One of the benefits of being a government employee was that any unused vacation days did not expire, it automatically got rolled up to the following year. During the almost two years she worked with the ministry, she had apparently banked up a lot of days.
Well, Relena thought. Maybe it was time to use up some of them.
Relena stepped out of the car, eager to greet Pagan. The faithful steward had been waiting at the foyer of the Darlian manor.
"Welcome back, young miss."
She beamed at her family butler. "Glad to be back, Pagan."
Catching Heero already opened the car's trunk to get her bags, she turned quickly. "Wait, I can get those."
"Allow me, young miss." The white-haired steward extended a hand to stop her. "Madam is waiting in the drawing room."
Her childhood caretaker knew her too well. She smiled, defeated. "All right."
She saw Pagan politely but firmly wrestled the bags out of Heero's hands. She caught snippets of their conversation from the distance. Pagan's courteous voice insisting 'Agent Yuy please' and 'it is my job'. Heero's reluctant body language before he conceded with a 'hn'. Their interaction was surprisingly natural.
She had sent Pagan a private message in advance to her homecoming. Her experienced butler acknowledged her simply, without questioning or judging. His only inquiry was if he was to inform the madam of the news. She smiled, saying she would do so herself.
Her mother was a strong and understanding woman, but even she would have reservations on her beloved daughter associating with someone who had once issued her a death threat. Relena would share what needed to be shared, as much as she could. If push came to shove, if her mother asked for it, she would be completely honest. She would never lie to her own mother.
Heading inside, she was greeted by the view of all-too-familiar hallway. A warm feeling seeped through her entire body. This place was where she had her earliest memories. This was where her family lived after her father took up his post as the vice foreign minister, up to the year he passed away. This was where most of their family memories were made. No matter how far she went, how long the time she spent away, this place was home to her.
Her residence in Brussels was comfortable and she liked the city just fine. But as the old saying went, there was no place quite like home.
Heero had plans to keep himself busy throughout the long weekend in Relena's childhood home.
The manor had a good location, decent locks, and recently revamped security measures. He gave points to the old team captain. With Relena's relatively infrequent visits though, the previous commander never had a chance to be there in person. The order to upgrade the security system was relayed remotely.
He would like to conduct thorough checks to see if everything is up to the mark. Perhaps installing some enhancements and doing a few tweaks here and there. He had brought all the necessary equipment with him.
The manor, already fully staffed and had its own security personnel, did not require additional guards. Her usual entourage for away missions had seen this long weekend as an opportunity to take their own vacations. Visiting friends, family, or simply going on a short trip.
Relena had remarked that she felt somewhat odd without the lively presence of the trio of officers. Heero, on the other hand, had found the newfound quiet quite nice.
No Preventer in the house means that he couldn't divide up the work with other people. But the lack of manpower didn't deter him. He had wanted to review everything himself anyway.
One day, you realize that there are some people you'll never see again. At least, not in the same way. ― Iain S. Thomas, I Wrote This For You