Author note:
Here's the "C" chapter. Hoping you all are still liking this. Please leave me a note with your favorite part!
CH 3-Cravings
Clay awoke suddenly. As he blinked into the darkness, he wasn't even sure what woke him. The first thing he noticed was that Emma was no longer in his arms, or anywhere in their bed for that matter. He turned over expecting to see a sliver of light shining under the bathroom door. She had been feeling so much better lately, he hoped that she was past the nausea and "morning sickness", but maybe not. He didn't see any light, but that didn't mean she wasn't in there, huddled over the toilet, trying to keep quiet so she didn't disturb his sleep. It wouldn't be the first time that he had found her there, in the dark, emptying the contents of her stomach, but unwilling to wake him. When he did know she was getting sick, he would hold her hair and rub her back gently as he chastised her for not alerting him. Once she finished retching, she would apologize, saying he needed his rest and brushing off his concern. Stating that "I need you on top of your game, so you come home to me safely more than I need you to sit by me every time I throw up." That may have been true, but he knew that his schedule would cause him to miss many moments of her pregnancy, both the highs and the lows. So, when he was home, he refused to let her endure any discomfort alone. Especially when he felt somewhat responsible for her condition.
Rolling over he slipped out of bed and moved to knock on the bathroom door. Just before his hand made contact with the wooden surface, he heard a clinking noise and the sound of the microwave buzzer coming from the other room. He changed direction and headed out through the bedroom door into the living room toward the kitchen. As he entered the living room, he saw the faint glow from the stove light bleeding into the room. He turned the corner to see Koda sitting placidly next to the table as Emma carried her food over to her place and sat down. She seemed not to notice him, focused wholly on the contents of her plate as she dug in. He addressed her softly, trying not to startle her.
"Em, what's…ah…what's goin' on?"
Emma froze, fork midway to her mouth. Her expression resembled that of a toddler caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She laid down her utensil and swallowed what was in her mouth before answering.
"I was…I woke up and was hungry. I started thinking about this leftover macaroni and cheese in the refrigerator and couldn't go back to sleep. I just had to heat it up. I'm sorry that I woke you."
He continued over to the table and joined her.
"Don't be sorry. I'm happy you're feeling okay. I was worried when I woke up and you weren't next to me. I was hoping that you weren't getting sick again."
"No, no throwing up this time, just being a pig."
Clay reached over and took her hand in his, stroking his thumb gently across her knuckles.
"You are not a pig, Emma. You have hardly been able to eat for almost three months now. I'm so happy that you are getting your appetite back. You and the baby need food. If macaroni and cheese is what sounded good, then you should have it."
She ducked her head and squeezed his fingers tightly. They both thought about her difficulties since the beginning of this pregnancy. She was constantly tired, had almost no energy, and very little appetite. The nausea was almost overwhelming. It started first thing in the morning and came back in waves throughout the day. Whoever called it "morning sickness" was severely understating the malady.
Emma sat, not picking back up her fork. So, Clay released her hand and lifted it in the air and held it in front of her.
"You need to eat it before it gets cold, Babe. Do you want something to drink?"
"Clay, you don't have to wait on me."
He leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. Looking into her eyes he answered her.
"Em, I hated seeing you sick and run down like you have been. I hate that this is all on you, that I can't, I can't really help at all." He reach out and cradled her face in his hands. "And I hate that I'm gone so much, and you have to do most of this alone. So please, please, Baby…let me pamper you a little. Okay?"
She nodded silently as two large tears spilled onto her cheeks. Clay swept them away with his thumbs and then kissed her sweet lips.
"What do you want to drink," he repeated.
"Do we have any lemonade left in there?"
"I think so. Let me check."
He got up and looked in the fridge. Thankfully, they still had a bit of lemonade left and he poured it into a glass and sat it beside her plate. As he threw the empty container in the recycling, he made a mental note to pick up more on his way home from base tomorrow. He sat with her while she ate the contents of her plate and even went back for seconds. Once she was satisfied, he sent her back to bed with a kiss and then rinsed her dishes and placed them in the dishwasher.
Thankfully, the next day was a light one for Clay. He and the team hit the gym and completed a quick inventory of their cages to turn in any requests for equipment. He made it through with the help of some extra caffeine. As he nursed his third cup, he wondered how Emma was managing. She couldn't consume coffee right now. And her need for sleep was even greater than his. During a break, he texted her.
-How R U doing? –
-I'm OK. Tired –
-Sick at all? –
-Nope. Had spaghetti for lunch –
He breathed a sigh of relief that she had felt like eating.
-You need anything? –
-Could you stop at the store and get some fruit? -
-Fruit? –
-Yea, apples, grapes ohhhh & pineapple. –
-Sure thing, Babe. Anything else? –
-Potatoes. I want a baked potato tonight. –
-U got it. Love you both! –
-We love you 2! –
Clay stopped after work and got everything Emma requested. He also remembered to pick up some lemonade. He got home and let himself in. Koda met him at the door, but Emma was nowhere to be found. After putting up the groceries, he walked toward the bedroom and eased the door open more fully. He saw her laying down, napping. She was on her side, one arm wrapped around his pillow, and the other laying on her side with her hand resting on the slight bump of her belly. Soundlessly, he crept up next to her and placed a soft kiss on her head, being careful not to wake her. Then, with one final glance back, he smiled, heart overflowing, and went to work on dinner.
Emma awoke, a little fuzzy around the edges, but definitely hungry. After a quick trip to the bathroom, she walked toward the sounds coming from the other room. When she got to the kitchen, Clay was there, setting out plates and cutlery. He noticed her out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey, Honey. Did you have a good rest?"
"Hey there," she responded as she stretched to give him a peck on the cheek. "I had a good nap. Now I'm hungry."
They laughed together and he ushered her to her chair.
"Well good I wasn't sure what all you wanted. So, I cut up the fruit into a fruit salad and I have the potatoes in the oven."
Before he could even spoon a serving onto her plate, she stuck her fork into the bowl and speared a chunk of pineapple. He watched her eyes close and then a soft moan of satisfaction came from her lips. She was in heaven. The fruit was cool, juicy, and sweet. She opened her eyes and saw him observing her.
"Sorry," she managed around the bite. "It's so refreshing, exactly what I was craving."
"Don't be sorry, Babe. It's great to see you wanting to eat again."
She spooned some more onto her plate as the oven timer sounded. Clay jumped up and grabbed a mitt. Emma was continuing to enjoy the fresh fruit when he placed a large potato on her plate. Then he returned with a baked chicken breast. But, before he could get it onto her dish, her eyes widened, and she gasped. Then, she covered her mouth with her hand and got up, rushing to the bathroom.
Clay was left speechless, still holding the meat over her plate. He placed it back in the oven dish and followed her to the restroom. When he arrived, she was sitting on the edge of the tub, taking deep breaths, fighting the urge her body had to vomit.
"Em, honey. I'm so sorry. Maybe the acid in the fruit wasn't the best thing."
He sat down next to her and pulled her to lean against him.
"No, no. The fruit was fine. I…I just…when I saw the chicken."
Her stomach convulsed and she leaned over the toilet. Closing her eyes and willing herself not to get sick, she continued.
"For some reason, the whole thought of meat, even looking at it…just…"
She didn't need to finish her thought. Clay could see the distress on her face. He brushed at the hair that had fallen in her face and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.
"It's okay, Em. I'll put it back in the oven and then you can come out and we'll have dinner, okay?"
She took a deep breath and nodded.
Soon Clay called to her, and she joined him at the table. When she sat down, she noticed that there was lemonade in her glass.
"Where did that come from? I thought we were out."
"I grabbed more today at the store. I thought since you wanted some last night…"
His thoughtfulness made her emotional and when she saw his plate with just a potato and fruit, she couldn't stop the tears. She felt so guilty keeping him from eating his full meal. She knew he was hungry and that his physical conditioning required a high protein intake.
She sniffed her way through an apology.
"Emmie don't worry about it. Right now, it's more important to make sure you're eating and keeping everything down. The baby needs nourishment."
"But…"
"I'll eat the chicken later if I want. And from now on I can bulk up on protein at lunch, so you don't have to deal with it too much at home. Now let's eat before it gets cold."
She hesitated for a second, still feeling a little guilty. But she knew he was right. She needed to eat and the rumble in her stomach reminded her how hungry she was.
They finished up their meal. Emma, feeling full and refreshed from dinner and her nap, volunteered to take Koda on a walk, giving Clay time to finish his meal and eat the chicken he cooked. When they returned the kitchen was clean and no traces of dinner remained. They cuddled on the couch, scrolling through house listings their realtor sent.
Day by day Emma's appetite increased. Clay kept his promise and hardly ever had meat in the house. Dinners were mostly pasta or potatoes, and fruit. Emma couldn't get enough pineapple, eating some at almost every meal. The menu was a little monotonous, but he never complained. As long as Emma was happy and eating and their baby was healthy and growing, he couldn't ask for more.
A few weeks later Sonny made a surprise visit. That meant that everyone from the old crew was gathering at Jason's for a cookout. Emma spent the evening before baking.
"Are you going to have enough ingredients?"
"Yea, what do you mean?"
"I've seen you seen you sneaking those peanut butter cups," he teased.
She squealed and swung the oven mitt at him as they laughed.
"You're right though. I can't seem to stop eating them. The peanut butter tastes so good."
He pulled her into his arms and dropped a kiss on her nose and her exaggerated pout. As the timer sounded, he released her and started to think about dinner. They had linguine alfredo the night before and of course, fresh fruit. Before he came up with any options, Emma spoke up.
"You know… that peanut butter tastes so good…I think I want a peanut butter sandwich for dinner."
She went for the bread and a knife. Clay was hoping for more than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He had some cold cuts stashed in the drawer of the refrigerator. He thought maybe if Emma sat on the couch to eat and he ate at the table, he could have his ham and cheese without bothering her. She agreed to his idea and continued making her dinner. She added some chips to her plate and started to clear up.
"Don't you want any jelly on that? I think we have some strawberry jam in there."
"Nope, it's great plain. I would like a cold…"
"Glass of milk," he finished for her.
"Yes, please."
He sent her into the living room to sit while he poured her milk. He carried in her glass and was setting it on the table next to her when he saw her peeling the two pieces of bread apart on her plate.
"Is something wrong, honey?"
"No. I was just thinking that the sandwich needs some crunch."
"Sorry, all we have is creamy peanut butter."
He watched her shrug off his comment and then layer some of her potato chips onto her sandwich and then press both sides back together.
"Em?"
She took a huge bit and smiled with satisfaction.
"Mmm. That's perfect…the sweet and the salt."
She washed it down with a gulp of milk before taking another bite. He shook his head at the seemingly strange combination and left her to eat in peace. He made his own sandwich, grabbed a beer, and sat down to eat. Before he was even halfway done, Emma came in to make herself another sandwich. She purposely didn't look his way to avoid seeing the contents of his meal.
"You want another, Em?"
"Mmm hmmm," she answered as she slathered the bread in the sticky spread.
Clay expected her to go for more chips and was surprised when she bypassed the open bag on the counter and instead reached into the fridge for the jar of pickles. She placed the slices on top of the peanut butter and placed the other slice of bread on top. She took a quick bite and then went back into the other room. Now it was him that felt nauseous. That mixture was even worse than the chips. He couldn't imagine how it tasted.
They both finished up, meeting at the sink to rinse their dishes.
"Uh…so how was the second one?"
"So good, the vinegar cut through the stickiness of the peanut butter, and it added just a little crispness too."
"If you say so," he muttered under his breath.
"I know it seems cliché, a pregnant woman wanting pickles…but it really hit the spot."
As they were placing the dishes in the dishwasher, he noticed Emma fiddling with her wedding ring.
"Something wrong?"
"Not really. My hands and feet are swollen, and my ring is a little tight."
"You've probably been on your feet too long. Between teaching today and then standing in here making those cookies. You need to rest."
She took his scolding good-naturedly and went to sit on the sofa while he finished cleaning up and placing the cookies in a container for tomorrow. He joined her on the couch when he was done. She was reading a new book she'd gotten.
"Would it bother you if I turn on the TV?"
"Not at all."
She shifted her position, leaning on the arm of the couch and bringing her feet up to rest on the cushion. Clay noticed her absently reaching out to rub at them.
"Do your feet hurt, Babe?"
"No. They're just swollen."
"Here."
He reached for her feet and pulled them gently into his lap. Then, starting at her ankles, he massaged each one. He was careful with her toes, using only his thumb and finger to stroke them all individually. Then he used both thumbs to rub at the ball of her foot and then kneaded deeply into the graceful arch.
Emma closed her eyes, enjoying his attention. Somehow, he seemed to know exactly how much pressure to apply, when his touch should be whisper soft, and when to use the strength in his hands to press deeper, working away the day's stress. By the time he was done, her book lay abandoned in her lap and her breathing was soft and even.
"Thank you, Honey."
"Of course, Em. I hope it helped."
"It did, I can tell the blood flow is better and my toes don't look so fat and puffy."
"Your toes aren't fat, they're cute."
He wiggled his fingers gently over the aforementioned digits causing her to giggle.
"Well, thank you. It felt wonderful."
She leaned over and kissed his cheek.
"Anytime, Babe."
He returned her kiss and wrapped his arm around her, resting his hand on her belly. Emma closed her eyes again and let herself drift off.
Emma woke up the next morning in bed. She didn't remember anything after Clay massaging her feet. She must have fallen asleep, and he'd brought her to bed. She became aware of a quiet mumbling and opened her eyes. Clay was scooted down the bed, face next to her stomach. He wasn't yet aware that she was up and continued his whispers. She didn't move, wanting to hear his one-sided conversation.
"Hey, good morning in there. It's your Daddy. I wanted to say that I love you. You and Mommy. I'm happy you two are feeling better. I was kinda worried when Mommy was so sick and couldn't eat. She's starting to want some crazy stuff, but as long as you're both healthy…that's all that matters. But, peanut butter and pickles, ugh. Was that your idea?"
Emma almost couldn't hold back her laughter. But she forced herself to lay still, not wanting to break the spell of this special moment for him.
"This whole thing has been a little hard on your Mommy. So, if you can take it easy on her from now on, that would be great. I wish I could take better care of both of you, but…my job…well, I can't be around as much as I want to…" his voice trailed off to silence.
Emma threaded her fingers through his messy curls and took up the conversation as his eyes looked up to watch her face.
"Your Daddy takes wonderful care of us. He protects us and works really hard to make this a safer world for you. He doesn't like leaving us, but he knows he has to…because he's a hero…our hero."
Clay smiled, lifted her shirt slightly to reveal the small mound below her navel where their baby was resting. He pressed his lips against her skin and whispered more endearments to their child. Sliding back up beside her, he took her in his arms and then gave her a tender kiss as well.
"I love you Em."
"I love you too."
Before they either one of them could say anything more, her stomach growled loudly, causing Clay to laugh.
"I was going to ask if you were hungry, but…I guess I don't have to."
He leaned in and bussed her cheek.
"What are you feeling like? More peanut butter?"
"Not this morning."
She reached down and rubbed her belly.
"I think we want a…a grilled cheese."
"For breakfast?"
"Yes. All that ooey, gooey, melty cheese…mmmm. Oh! And some…"
"Pineapple," he finished for her.
Laughing, she swatted his arm.
"Hey, it's what the baby wants."
"The baby wants it huh?"
"Of course!"
He kissed her cheeky smile and rolled over to get up. She sat up to follow him.
"You stay in bed. I'll take Koda for his walk and then come back and make you, hmm, I mean the baby, a grilled cheese."
"You don't need to…"
"Hey, pampering you, remember? And I don't want you to wear yourself out with the cookout later today."
"Alright, I'll stay here."
Just before noon, Emma, Clay, and Koda arrived at Jason's. Emma didn't bother knocking but let herself in the front door, calling out for her dad as she entered.
"Dad…we're here."
Jason stepped out of the kitchen to greet them.
"Hey Em! Clay."
He came over and took the Tupperware containers from her as he placed a kiss on her cheek.
"How're you feeling, Honey?"
"I'm better, Dad. Still tired, but I'm getting my appetite back."
Jason smiled and flicked his gaze over to Clay. He could see the relief at the truth of her statement reflected in the younger man's face. Clay let Koda out to run around the yard and then they followed Jason into the kitchen.
"What can I do to help, Dad?"
"Em…"
She turned to her concerned husband.
"I'm fine. I'm not an invalid."
"I know, but you shouldn't over do things."
Emma huffed in annoyance and Clay looked to Jason for back-up. His father-in-law smirked at the two, shook his head, and raised his hands toward them.
"I'm not getting in the middle of this one. You're on your own, buddy."
His admission cut the tension and they all laughed. This was scene Sonny saw as he came downstairs.
"Hey there Princess, Blondie!"
They exchanged hugs and cheery greetings.
"It's good to see ya man!"
"You too, Tinkerbell." Then turning, he addressed Emma. "Ya look good there, Mrs. Spenser. Is this cowboy treating ya right? Or do I need to do some skull thumpin'?"
"I'm great Sonny. And Clay is treating me just fine. He's a been kind of a 'Mother Hen' lately…"
"Thet's okay. Ya and the little one need ta take it easy."
"Uhh! You guys are all alike," she groaned. "I'm going to go in the other room and wait for Naima."
Clay caught her hand as she turned to leave and pulled her in for a quick kiss. Once he released her, she grabbed a bowl of chips from the counter and then shot him a smile before she exited, so he would know that she wasn't really upset with him.
The men went back to talking, most of the conversation centered around Sonny's progress at the ranch. Emma lounged on the couch, snacks in her lap as she watched some HGTV. Trent was the next to arrive, joining the men after greeting Emma with a hug. Ray and Naima were next. Ray went on through to the backyard where the men now visited. Emma was happy to have someone with whom to commiserate. Brock was right on their heels, leaving his new wife with the ladies and continuing out to the yard.
As Naima and Whitney peppered her with questions about the pregnancy, the patio door slid open, and Jason popped his head in.
"Hey ladies! I'm firing up the grill. You want to place your orders?"
The older two women asked for burgers while Emma remained silent.
"Em, don't you want anything?"
She tried to quiet her rolling stomach before she answered.
"Uh…no thanks, Dad. I'll have some of the pasta salad, and I brought some fruit too."
"You sure?"
"Mmmhmm. I'm good."
He stepped back out, closing the door behind himself. When he made it to the grill and added the burgers for Naima and Whitney, he called to Clay.
"Hey."
"Yea, what's up Jace?"
"I thought you said Em was feeling better."
"She is, why?"
"I asked what she wanted just now, and she almost turned green before refusing."
"Oh, yea. Well…there is one thing. She's doesn't seem to have 'morning sickness' anymore, but she can't stand the sight, or almost the mention of any meat."
Sonny caught part of the discussion and jumped in.
"What's this? The little squid still makin' Sunshine feel sick?"
"Nah, not really Son. I was just telling Jason that Emma does have her appetite back, but it seems like she has an aversion to meat. That's the only thing that makes her nauseous right now."
"She can't eat meat. With a carnivore like you around? Are you sure that's your baby Spenser?"
Clay sent him a withering look.
"She is eating some weird stuff though."
"Ahh, yes the pregnancy cravings," Ray chuckled as he joined the conversation.
"Yea. I wasn't around too much when Alana was pregnant with Mike. But I remember some of the stuff she craved with Emma."
"Like what?"
Jason took a long pull of his beer as he thought back twenty-five plus years.
"Let's see…I think there was, ah, sauerkraut. She would send me out at all hours for tacos and then put sauerkraut all over them."
Clay screwed up his face just thinking about it.
"Em wants pineapple all the time, for every meal."
"That's not too bad."
"No, no its not. But last night she wanted a peanut butter sandwich for dinner."
"That's not strange."
"She put pickles on it."
Sonny almost spat out his beer upon hearing that combination.
"Thet ain't right."
"I know. But she liked it."
"Hopefully, that's as weird as it gets brother," Ray added as he patted him on the back.
The rest of the day went well. The team hadn't been all together for a while, but they were still as close as brothers. As the day wound down, Emma suggested to Clay that they stay to help her dad clean up. Before he could open his mouth, Sonny cut in. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders he turned on his Texas charm.
"Jace and I got this, little Missy. You let yer husband there take you on home."
"But…I can," she sputtered.
Looking at the three men before her, she knew it was a losing battle. She said her goodbyes, clipped on Koda's leash and followed Clay out to the truck. As they made their way home, Clay shared what he and guys talked about, and Emma told him about her discussions with Whitney and Naima. As they pulled into the parking lot at the apartment, Emma's sentence was interrupted by a huge yawn. She saw Clay's smug reaction.
"Ok, so I'm a little tired."
Clay simply nodded and wisely said nothing. Once they were inside, he did suggest that she take a nap. And, although she was annoyed, she was too tired to disagree. Calling for Koda to come join her, she retreated to the bedroom.
Emma slept through dinner time. Clay debated waking her to eat, but he figured that if she was that tired, he needed to let her sleep. She did wake up briefly when he came to bed, changing her clothes and brushing her teeth. She crawled back in bed, snuggling into his arms and was asleep again as soon as her head hit the pillow. He smiled, kissed her cheek, and closed his eyes to join her.
Once again, something woke Clay in the dead of night. It took a moment to register Emma's soft voice calling to him.
"Clay…Clay…Babe?"
Suppressing a yawn, he answered.
"Yea, Em. What's wrong, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I-I…I'm hungry."
"Oh, okay," he rubbed at his eyes.
"I can get you some fruit. There's still plenty in the refrigerator."
He went to slip out from under the covers when she stopped him.
"Well…what I really want is…"
"Yea?"
"I want a cheeseburger."
"What? I thought you couldn't stomach meat right now."
"I know, but" she sounded sheepish. "I could smell the burgers on the grill over at Dad's today and they actually smelled good. And now…I'm hungry and…"
"And you want a cheeseburger."
Emma saw him look at his watch, the glowing face indicating that it was 2 am. She was embarrassed and sorry she'd woken him. She knew he needed his sleep too.
"Don't worry about it. I'll go get some fruit. I can have a burger tomorrow."
She flipped the sheets back and rolled over to get up. Clay's hand on her shoulder stopped her.
"Em, if you want a cheeseburger, I'll get you a cheeseburger."
He proceeded to get dressed and then came around to her side of the bed and leaned in for a kiss.
"I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Thanks, Honey."
As he started through the bedroom door, she called out to him.
"Clay…"
"Yea, Babe?"
"Could you get me some waffle fries too?"
He laughed softly and nodded.
"The baby wants waffle fries," he teased as he came back to sit beside her.
"Well, I do anyway."
"A cheeseburger and waffle fries it is. I love you, Em."
She sat up and threw her arms around him. She loved him so much. How could he question if he took good care of her, of them? This man, her man that would go to a burger place at 2 am, or the ends of the Earth if necessary to make sure she was happy. It seemed woefully inadequate, but she answered with the only words she could find.
"I love you too! We both do."