She was not prepared to have him in her new space. For however long she felt grounded on the couch, she eventually ran out of tears to keep herself this close to him. Naruto thankfully didn't say anything when she pulled away. She decided to keep all of what she wanted to voice internally - for their son's sake. She knew Ten Ten or Neji were bound to drop him off soon.
Hinata went straight to the kitchen and started pulling items out of the fridge, boiling water in pots on the stove, finding any meticulous thing she could do to pretend like she didn't sob in Naruto's embrace just now. Ashamed at allowing herself to be in his embrace after all that's happened, she's upset she caved into familiarity.
He followed her but sat idly at the dining table instead, just staring at her. It felt invasive to have him this focused on her; it wasn't something she ever really experienced even before she moved out of their house. She turned her attention to the scents of the steaming vegetables, the cutting board as she cut slits into the beef, even the faint hints of the rice in the small machine to her right that was cooking in the background. Everything, anything else but on how to address her estranged husband that was across the room from her.
"Can I help you?" He asks eventually and she shakes her head, avoiding his gaze. The more he offered or tried to change his prior mannerisms, the more frustrated she was. This was the first time he had ever offered to cook for her, let alone offer to help prepare it. It only reinforced how capable he always was of being better.
When the familiar knock came at her door, she met his eyes and gestured to the door with her head for him to get it. She could hear the sound of the chair moving as he made his way over. The open door revealed a surprised Neji, towering over Naruto, with a sound asleep Souta in tow. It took milliseconds for her cousin's face to contort into a frown.
"Why are you here?" Neji deadpanned, stepping halfway through the door with the sleepy toddler. He narrowed his eyes at Hinata, trying to understand why the Uzumaki was peeling the boy from his arms.
"Family dinner." He shrugged, trying to keep the boy asleep. Hinata held her frown in a tight line, hoping that Neji would just take the hint and leave. The last thing she needed was to throw up from nerves and wake her son up.
"Thank you." She mouthed when she eventually looked at him. She knew he'd understand what she meant, and that she would certainly tell him later. But she had to handle this on her own and there was nothing he could do that would make any of this easier on her.
When Naruto disappeared down the hall with Souta, Neji approached her in the kitchen. She was still very much bound to staring at the way the meat winced in the oil, not once looking at him.
"I'll tell you when he leaves." She promises quietly, trying to avoid an argument. "I'll have leftovers. It's your favorite."
Neji could hear Naruto return and sighed, trusting her. That, or the enticing meal was enough to calm him down. She wants to believe it's the former. He squeezed her shoulder before turning and ignoring the blond who waved him a 'Good night' before he left through the front door.
"Still such a grouch." Naruto winces, coming to stand behind her. He places a palm on the lower side of her back and feels her flinch. He pulls away. "Sorry. It smells really good, Hina."
She nods, still not able to articulate anything. If she were on the receiving end of her silence, she would certainly be frustrated. It surprised her that he was so nonchalant and level headed, as if any of this was normal. It would be different if she had invited him over, but she hadn't and never would have. He certainly didn't display any of this during the singular session of marriage counseling.
When the food is done, she takes her time to turn the knobs of her stove off, to move the pots to the side to cool off, and to scoop portions of rice per plate. She brings a plate before Naruto and sets her own across from him. She brings him a glass of lemonade - she couldn't forget his preferred accompanying drink if she tried - and a glass of water for herself. She hands him a set of chopsticks and silently begins eating, not wanting to bless this impromptu meal.
She doesn't like being mean. In fact, being this polite and distant was killing her. She feels vindictive and hateful and she hates that more than accepting how valid all of her emotions are. It bites at her core because Hinata is not someone who treats others poorly, she wasn't raised this way and found it extremely difficult to keep this up. Even though she knew it was the right thing to do, it still made her feel horrible.
"Thank you for dinner." He says between bites, smiling. It stings her that seeing the creases in his eyes and the way his tan cheeks lift still does something to her insides. He's in bliss and she's just fighting the nausea waves that were already polluting her mind.
"Naruto.." She eventually begins. She wasn't even hungry, and took at most two bites of her meal. She took a breath and waited until he met her eyes again. "I don't want you to come back here unannounced."
She's as surprised as he is that she could say it out loud. She couldn't sugar coat it as much as she wanted to. Despite all he's done to her, she doesn't want to hurt him, too.
"Hina-"
"I can't be around you." She feels her lower lip tremble. Being together in a quiet setting like this feels heavier than his absence ever did. "You are hurting me." She's half whispering now, fighting the itch to claw at her throat for release.
This wasn't fair. She didn't want to be in this situation, he's the one that threw her in it. It was breaking her heart to have to reject him. His smile was disappearing because of her words. Because she wasn't strong enough to try again for him. Hinata could internally battle her subconscious as much as she wants, and even when she voices this to her cousin and sister she knows she'll hear the same things, but it doesn't change how she feels about it.
He reaches out across the table with his palm open, expecting her to let him hold her hand. She feels weak for giving in to his touch, but she's freezing. She just wanted to touch her sun one more time.
He gently squeezes her fingers, trying to find his own words to change her mind. "I know I've made mistakes, but this is one I really can't accept." The glint in his eyes is still so warm, so determined. In any other scenario, she would be unapologetically swooning over him. It may have even worked if he had just done this from the beginning. She could count every time she thought about it when all of this first started.
He's searching in her gaze for any sort of reaction, any sense of doubt that could hint at the opportunity to keep them together. "I don't need you to forgive me now, or even soon, I just don't want you to throw me away." He pleads, kneading her hand with his fingers. She's too drained to cry anymore, but she can feel how puffy her lids feel. She is exhausted.
"I promise, I can do so much better. I can fix this." He says, now holding her left arm now in both palms. She feels like all the air is out of her lungs and that she shouldn't even be conscious to listen to all of this. How could this be real? She's dreamt about this exact conversation since it happened.
Swallowing the last bit of saliva left in her mouth, Hinata pulls her arm back. "You threw me away first."
When Naruto is served the Complaint, he is moments from entering the office building for a late start to his work day. Generally, he's been working a couple hours remotely before spending the rest of the day (and often, evenings) at the office. He stopped on the way for his second coffee and natto from the nearby convenience store adjacent to the parking garage. He's not in a rush, but it's his routine - and with his recent gym dedication, he is now able to make the swift 1 km trip in less than eight minutes.
He attributes his latest improvement on punctuality due to living alone and not having anyone to really care for him. He will deny that Hinata filled the role of a mother to him, but as his wife she generally did help him stay grounded and aware of what he needed to get done. Without her, there had been an immediate need for adjustments. The first few weeks, he had to set eight alarms just to wake up on time. Now, it only takes him two (but he can proudly declare he can now wake up on the first).
He has a routine because it's the only thing he can control. He can control his sleep schedule, how often he can see Souta (Hinata has always left the door open for him, but Souta is still too young to be apart from her for too long and his work schedule isn't the best), and he can control how much exerts himself at the gym.
In his mind, Naruto thinks he's playing the long game. He believes if he works hard enough to show for it, to show regret and how he needs her in spite of being more self-sufficient, that she will want to try again. That he can show his wife the new and improved Naruto - one that is loyal, caring, and ready to start over.
"We hit a rough patch but I am working on things with her." He kept the separation vague and like a soft blow when he finally got around to telling his parents. They didn't find out until Christmas when they called about what to plan for Hinata's birthday and the family trip they usually took each December.
Understandably, they were infuriated. Never had he heard so many explicits from his dad - his mother, sure, but not Namikaze Minato. It felt like the berating of the century, unlike all the others he'd experience growing up.
You cannot let this happen. That was the gist of his parents' advice. He didn't have the heart to tell them what propelled Hinata to move out, but his parents had already guessed it was his fault (and what he did). He was too ashamed to just admit it outright.
Naruto didn't need his parents to tell him what he already wanted to do. He'd bury himself in sand before he gave up. Naruto was determined to not lose his wife, and he promised them then he'd do whatever it would require to keep his family together.
So when he gets a tap on his shoulder, Naruto is met with an older man giving him a sheepish grin. Said stranger asked him what time it was, scratching the back of his head in apologies for interrupting him.
"Oh, let me check." Naruto grinned, shaking his sleeve to read the digital 2:15 PM on his screen. He waved his wrist at the man.
"Thank you, young man." Before Naruto could turn back to make his pace, he felt the stranger place a heavy palm on his back. "You've been served." He thrusted the heavy envelope into his chest before walking away.
Naruto blinked, sighed, then chucked the natto in the trash bin before walking back to the garage. He lost his appetite.
Naruto took the rest of the day off, shooting a quick email from his phone to his boss before analyzing the stapled documents over and over. Apparently, Ino had tried to warn him but he didn't see the prior missed calls to be on alert of a process server. Figures he'd miss her call while unknowingly giving the man the time of day.
It felt too real to see her maiden name printed everywhere, to see her seal and signature on the dotted lines. The accusations written out made him frown, in part because he couldn't really deny most of it, but mostly because it felt like a list of all his failures. Too visible and permanent, like he can't undo or repair some of the damage he inflicted.
Whatever you do, do not go to her house. Ino warned in a strongly worded email. Naturally, Naruto couldn't follow that advice. It felt wrong to be away from her after this. His case be damned, he just wanted Hinata to see that he would risk it all for her to give him another chance to mend their marriage.
Naruto wasn't even upset with her, he knew she was in pain and it was his fault. The last thing he wanted to do was reinforce the expectation that he would react negatively. It's what led his legs to take the elevator in her building and wait outside her apartment. He wasn't really counting for how long he waited, but when he finally saw her approach, it felt like the same day when she left - the dejected look on her face was not one he wanted to see again.
"You aren't supposed to be here." She says, and he knows she's right, and just agrees.
Unable to stay away and ignoring her request to leave, he does the opposite, believing she doesn't actually mean what she's verbalizing. It felt easier on his chest to think she's lying. He brings her inside, his body automatically comforting her in the ways he always did - the ways she always loved.
And when she sobs in his chest, it was though the cogs in his brain were finally turning now that he could visualize just how much pain he had inflicted on her. Naruto releases her without a fight when she quietly makes her way to her kitchen and starts preparing dinner, ignoring his presence altogether in the most robotic manner, dedicating her attention to the ingredients instead of him. He knows he deserves that and more, but it still stings.
When he takes Souta to his room, he tries his best to not wake up their son as he gently places him in his crib, the same one he built before he was born. It does something to Naruto to find every item that was once displayed and arranged in their home in this small room. He felt his heart twist that so much had changed and it did not feel like it was going to return back to the way it once was.
He lingers a bit, watching his son stir in his sleep, blanket covering his arms and feet softly kicking. He wishes his son was awake so that the nightmare outside these walls would disappear, even for a moment, so he could return to their previous life. It stirs in him that he's harmed not just Hinata, but his unaware child.
Despite trying to keep a kind face at his wife's cousin, he is ignored, disregarded and rejected entirely. Not that Neji was ever a fan of him in the first place, but his latest actions have definitely kept him on the eternal shit list. He tries not to take that rejection seriously for it's the one he cares least for.
When he returns to the table to eat with his wife, he is hopeful that this is a sign of progress. He is searching on her face, staring as he eats, watching her lethargically move her food around her plate with creased brows and a stern look on her face.
He thanks her for dinner, grateful she even cared enough to give him any. He's missed her home cooking more than she knows. His kitchen is hardly used except for the protein shakes he makes on a whim and the occasional meal when Souta visits.
"Naruto…" It's funny how his name always starts out sounding negative. Whether it be a reprimand, a chore, unpleasant. He can feel the dejection in her soft way of addressing him. He thinks this is what being stabbed repeatedly would feel like.
"I don't want you to come back unannounced."
His eyes widened briefly because he never thought she would be able to say something so definitive. He wants to crack a joke, he wants to say So I can come if you invite me ahead of time?
He wants to work this scenario into one where he gets his wife back. Instead, he is stunned.
"Hina-" He tries to speak up, but she beats him to it.
"I can't be around you."
"You are hurting me."
Each word feels heavier than the last. He suddenly feels like the food in his stomach is crawling back up, his throat suddenly dry and his heart slowing down.
Desperately, he does what he thinks will work. He reaches for her, wanting her to feel him and all the emotions he wants to say. She lets him hold hers but can only notice the difference in their temperatures - she's painfully cold.
"I know I've made mistakes, but this is one I can't accept." He doesn't care how he sounds. Nothing coming out of his mouth is planned, he is on the fly desperately trying to express himself. He feels pathetic, but he simply is. He is begging for her to reconsider and trying to show that he's not ready to let go.
"I don't need you to forgive me now, or even soon, I just don't want you to throw me away." He's searching her eyes for any indication that his words are resonating.
"I promise, I can do so much better. I can fix this." He says with such determination he can tell she believes him. He wants her to.
She takes her hand back, her lips trembling. "You threw me away first."
Naruto doesn't linger and feels his mouth dry up. He slowly gets up, takes his plate and cup, and puts them in her sink. She doesn't turn to look at him, she doesn't say anything at all.
He leaves her apartment and just drives to the only person he can count on.
Sasuke's attention from his screen is disrupted by the pounding on his door. He was about to hop off his laptop for his scheduled call with his daughter, but quickly texted Sakura that he can't talk tonight. He assumed whoever was knocking on his door this much would likely take up the rest of his evening (and he was correct to think this).
She's sad, but I told her you'd bring her to Hinata's for her play date tomorrow to make up for it.~
Ignoring Sakura's teasing, he opens the door to Naruto covered in snot and tears. It would be an understatement to say that the dobe looked like complete shit.
"She's really leaving me!" Naruto yelled, throwing his arms around his friend. If this were anyone else, Sasuke would have broken their arms without hesitation. Unfortunately, his best friend was not someone he could really reject.
Naruto has always been an overly emotional man, notably expressive and usually in high spirits, but Sasuke has never experienced his friend in a crying spell. He frowned, unable to articulate what to say when he knew that the blond had all of this coming. Awkwardly patting his back, Sasuke backed inside his apartment, the blond in tow, closing the door with his right leg.
Once he was able to get Naruto to sit down, Sasuke listened to the man on his couch tell him everything. Seeing how upset Naruto was deepened his frown, causing him to chew on the inside of his mouth as he detailed his conversation with her.
"I feel like a fucking idiot." He sighed, roughly rubbing his eyes with palms. "I should've never done it. Should've never given her space, should've never let her move out." The tan man groaned, his face now in his lap.
A small part of Sasuke was proud of the Hyuuga for standing her ground, but the bigger part of his brain shamed him for enjoying his best friend's misery.
He doesn't deserve her. He bitterly thinks, but shakes his head all the same. He brings his hand on his friend's shoulder and just lets the blond continue his rambles. Sasuke wished that the situation was one of mutual abandonment, not his friend reaping what he sowed. Even though he knew it was his fault, he didn't particularly enjoy the sight of his usually optimistic friend being so down.
"I'm sorry." Is all Sasuke can offer, and he hopes it's enough, even if it's not as sincere as he'd like it to be.
"Teme, I really messed up." Naruto mumbles, pulling at his scalp. "I just want her back."
Despite wanting to cheer him up and instill some sense of motivation to try again, he doesn't. Sasuke doesn't want her to go back to him.
He wonders if she'll seek him for comfort soon, too.
It takes hours for Naruto to eventually tire himself out. He fell asleep past midnight on his couch. He doesn't make him leave, wanting his friend to feel comfortable at least until the next day. Sasuke throws a blanket over the man before making his way to his room.
Sasuke texts her, because he doesn't care anymore.
I'm proud of you.
He means it.
A/N: I post the new chapters later than I intend to (AO3 gets it first). Let me know your thoughts! I love reviews and wish I could interact with everyone like I can on AO3. I also have a tumblr I (forgot) was intended for fanfics, so find me here if you'd like any updates, too ( .com). Thanks for reading!