"Oh, this is hopeless! Of course this had to happen to me! My best mate who just so happens to be an alien completely loses his mind and now he doesn't know who he is, let alone what he even is! I am not saying mum was right, but—"
"Donna, now don't go talking my ears off about regretting coming along with me," Barty grinned in a very Doctor-esque manner, belying the wickedness of his thoughts as he began to think of how to take advantage of this situation.
Barty jumped to his feet, startling the ginger companion of the Doctor's. He swayed a little bit, but caught himself on the console, which he began to study intently. His mind was speeding along at hundreds of miles per second.
Everything seemed so clear to him now. The vastness of the entire universe, all of the knowledge through hundreds of years of travel through time and space, seemed like it was all contained in the palm of his hand. It was as though a long-lost switch that was hidden amongst humans for thousands of years had been flicked on inside his brain. Well, the Doctor's brain. But since Barty now resided in the Time Lord's body, it seemed a moot point to argue that it wasn't his as well.
The power of all of time and space was at his very fingertips. This wasn't like the set rules of the Time-Turner, which worked on a fixed timeline either. With the Doctor's alien ship, he could change things. Anything in the entire universe. He could travel to any year, any time he wanted, and twist things around.
He couldn't help but grin wickedly at the thought of this.
He had total control over the boundaries of time and space and the best part was that there was nobody around to stop him, for the Doctor's memories had shown him he was the last of his kind of his species called the Time Lords. He had total reign over everything. All of it. And while the Doctor was weak enough not to take advantage of this, Barty certainly wasn't going to let this opportunity slip by him. He could be victorious beyond realms of which no other wizard dared to dream.
Barty was so caught up in these daring thoughts, that he didn't notice Donna Noble pause mid-rant, her jaw going slack as she watched who she believed to be her best mate bounce around as though all was well after nearly giving her a heart attack.
In fact, while Barty looked over the controls, trying to process how to work them as the Time Lord's memories came helpfully flooding in, it was his turn to be taken aback as Donna sauntered over and, without warning, slapped him right across the face.
"OW! What the bloody hell was that for!?" wondered Barty as he rubbed the sore spot on his cheek with one hand, the other holding the edge of the console to steady himself. 'Blimey, could that woman lay a hit,' he thought as he worked some feeling back into his jaw.
"You. Are. Completely. BONKERS!" shouted Donna, her voice shaking with rage. "First you had me all worried about you losing your mind. Now you're going off as though nothing happened! What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you dare scare me like that ever again, ya alien git! Never!"
Barty rolled his eyes as he told her rudely, "Oh, you'll get over it."
"Yeah, go on. Go back to being your usual self, ya no good space prat! Not even a little, 'Sorry for scaring you out of your wits, Donna. I promise to limit that to when we come across some alien that's after us for stealing its dessert on celestial-nine's moon' or some other barmy planet you happen to take us to," she said bitterly.
"Look, I'm sorry. Is that better?" Barty told her, clearly nothing of the sort as he lowered his hand from his still searing cheek and turned his attention back to the controls.
He scratched the back of his head as he tried to make heads or tails out of the many flicks and switches, when he saw that Donna was still glaring at him, her arms crossed over her chest.
"What?" he wanted to know, becoming more and more irritated by her by the second.
"Well, aren't you going to tell me what happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why were you lying on the ground earlier?"
"Like it matters?"
"To me it does," Donna bit out, feeling sore after his lack of concern towards her. "I was in my room when I heard you screaming like you were in pain. I thought something happened to you. I was actually worried. So, are you going to answer what happened or not, ya prat?"
Seeing as though Donna was not going to let this subject drop anytime soon, Barty hung his head and sighed in vexation. He tried to reign in his irritation as best he could, but Donna made it hard to do just by standing there.
"I fell," he lied rather lamely.
"You fell?" repeated Donna in disbelief.
"Yes. I was working on something underneath the console, accidentally hit my head on it when I sat up, and fell. There, happy now?" he told her waspishly.
Expecting Donna to tell him off for his attitude towards the end of his sentence, Barty was not prepared at all when the ginger burst out in laughter. He furrowed his brows as he watched her clutching a stitch in her side, immensely gleeful.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"You fell. You hit your head like a big dumbo, and fell," she roared with delight. "All the times you told me how Time Lords have superior psychology to humans, and you got knocked out from a bonk to the head?"
"It's Time Lord physiology. And it is still above that of a human," corrected Barty absentmindedly, becoming more and more heated by the second.
"Whatever. Doesn't change the fact that you fell over like a great big alien dunce."
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you lowly Muggle," muttered Barty. He returned his attention back to the controls, all the while thinking, 'We'll see who gets the last laugh once I get back to Lord Voldemort stronger than ever before.'
For who else could've saved him from the Dementor's Kiss? Clearly Lord Voldemort had worked some of his magic to repay him for help bringing him back to a body.
Now all Barty had to do was figure out how to work the control panel, racking through this Doctor fellow's memories in order to learn how it worked, and make his way over to Little Hangleton graveyard where he would be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams. Voldemort would welcome him back with open arms, grateful for his loyal service….almost like a son….
As Barty's hands hovered cautiously over the console as he began to make sense of how to work it, a sudden spark pricked his fingers as he touched a dial. He yelped, pulling them back immediately.
"Kind of serves you right for earlier," commented Donna in a mocking tone.
Barty shot her a scathing look. Like she knew anything. As he went to touch another dial, he received not only another literal shock that coursed through his body but a surprise as the entire room began to quake, sending both him and Donna crashing to the ground.
"What is happening!?" shouted Donna, grasping hold of the railing to steady herself. "Can't you ever steer the TARDIS right?"
About to snap that he hadn't done anything, Barty instead cried out as a sudden humming vibration slammed against his head. He steeled himself against the buzzing that felt similar to something akin to fuzzy radio waves as he grabbed hold of the opposite railing, struggling to pull himself back up.
"Doctor, what's going on?" Donna asked once again.
'This bloody ship is a useless piece of junk, that's what,' Barty was about to respond, when the floor beneath lurched him forward against the console. He slammed against it and he shouted as another electrical jolt coursed through him.
He did a double take as he tripped back towards the railing, quickly realizing, "The bloody thing can read my thoughts!"
Whatever was going on, Barty quickly surmised that the humming sensation that hit him had come from the ship and that it somehow sensed he wasn't the Doctor; Nor did it take too kindly at having lost its beloved pilot. He shut his eyes, trying to communicate with the ship and convince it that he was, indeed, the Doctor. He even relayed some of the Time Lord's memories to it to try and trick it, but he might as well have tried to convince a Blast-Ended Skrewt how to be a harmless family-friendly pet.
The ship lurched once more and the door at the other end opened. Barty found himself unceremoniously tumbling out of the door before landing on some finely polished, pristine white floor outside of the ship. He was about to get back up, when a weight slammed atop of him.
"Gerroff!" he shouted, his voice muffled as he was pinned face forward against the floor.
"Sure. No need to check if I'm okay or anything!" Donna bit back sarcastically, getting off him and not even bothering to help him up as she took a look around. "Why was the TARDIS acting up like that? Where even are we?"
Barty barely glanced around the obscure, blindingly white hallway as he tried opening the doors to the ship that was shaped like a blue box back up, when yet another shock jolted through his very bones, causing him to shout this time.
'You're worse than Peeves, you know that?' he thought sourly, only for the TARDIS to hum a little taunt in response, only incensing Barty even more.
"Doctor?" said Donna, eyes growing wide as she stared up ahead. Barty ignored her, though. He was too focused on dealing with the stubborn alien ship to allow him back in.
"The stupid ship won't let me inside!" he kicked it in frustration, daring it to shock him again. 'And let it do so. I dare it,' he thought. After all, he could show it a few choice spells that could strip it down to nothing more than a twig if he wanted to.
"Doctor?"
"Let me back inside, why don't you?"
"Oi! Alien Boy!"
"What?" Barty turned to Donna, irked by her interruption.
His irritation with her quickly dissipated when he followed her gaze as she pointed straight ahead. The hairs on the back of his neck rose in terror, for right up ahead were a group of metallic-looking humanoid robots marching over to them, their eye sockets empty, completely devoid of emotion, similar to that of a dementor.
Every clang forward matched the double-beating of his hearts in his newfound alien body as he backed away slowly before hitting against the blue police box.
"W-what are they?" Donna asked, frightened.
Barty swallowed as the Doctor's memories showed him images of horror involving these metallic robots and answered, his mouth suddenly dry, "Cybermen."