*publishes the last chapter*

*immediately proceeds to write next chapter instead of studying for chem midterm*

*finishes chapter by midday Monday*

*has to wait until Sunday to publish anyways*

*well here we are*

*chem went well, dw*

(CW: graphic battle/death)

On Friday, my ralts started talking.

"Is someone calling my name?" I finally said out loud, having spent the last five minutes looking around for another human.

"MON DIEU YOU HEARD!" a voice shouted in my head.

"WHAT THE HECK?"

"C'EST MOI!" Definite waved his arms.

"DEFINITE?"

"YEAH!"

"FAM THAT'S GREAT BUT A LITTLE WARNING?"

He explained. He'd been working on telepathy for a long time, but he hadn't had much practice talking to humans. Also, he referred to human languages as "the human language."

"Definite, you're using two different languages."

"Oui, I speak in psychic language and human language."

I dropped it, because it wasn't actually a problem.

I worked with Definite that day, more to gauge his abilities than anything. His double team was decent – his copies were few but convincing, about eight max. His only real attack was confusion, which wasn't very strong, like he'd mostly been taught to defend or escape. I could work with this.

In the evening, Thomas and I went for a picnic with our pokemon. On the way out, we passed by the house next to the pokemon center. Seven or twelve eevees were playing outside.

"Wow. It's like Bill's house," Thomas commented.

"Pretty much. Bebe lives there." I shifted Hope in my arms. "She runs the pokemon storage system in Sinnoh."

"So she's literally Bill?"

"I guess. They're friends. I'm pretty sure her eevee… flock? horde?… it started with Bill."

We found a grassy spot and set up. "Any plans tomorrow?" I said with a yawn.

"Maybe just training. I'm down to scrimmage you," he said. This was a recurring theme. I wasn't ready to battle him yet.

"Sure sure."

"Really?"

"Nah." I yawned again.

We let out our pokemon… aka five each. "Your poor sixth pokemon is missing our picnic," I chastised. Also a recurring theme.

"Oh, okay, I'll bring him out."

"Wait really?"

He looked at me.

"…Ah."

I pulled a box out of my backpack. "There's a really great–" I paused to yawn. "–mochi place–"

"Okay, I have to ask. Did you sleep at all last night?"

I stopped. "Yeah."

"When did you go to sleep?"

"Twelve. Woke up at three though."

"What?"

"It's not a big deal," I muttered.

"Wh– did you have that one nightmare?"

"No." It was actually quite a nice dream. It was a dream about the friendship between me and Lucas the first time around, and I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Well, go to sleep early tonight."

"Sure thing, mom."

Def spoke to me. "Trust would like to know where there is a water fountain."

"I've got water," I said, digging into my backpack. I handed Trust the bottle.

"Mon."

"He says thank you."

"You're welcome," I said, suddenly realizing how much the dynamic of my team had just changed.

I was tired as hell that night. When I fell asleep, I fell deep asleep. The level of asleep in which you don't realize you're dreaming, and thus can't pull yourself out of it.

That's probably what brought it about.

Quasar lowered me to the ground in his talons. I hit the ground running, recalled him and quickly spotted Lucas running in the same direction.

"Where to? I yelled, pulling myself alongside him.

"Island in the middle," he called back. "A cave."

The slope of the lake floor curved upwards towards the island, making it reachable on foot in the bombed-dry lake. We dodged defeated grunts and pools of magikarp, slipping in the mud a bit, sprinting to the cave and hoping Saturn wasn't done yet, hoping for enough time to stop him.

Lucas and I ran into the cave, simultaneously drawing a pokeball each. Some of the grunts turned when they heard us, but Saturn didn't move. He was kneeling on the far side of the cavern.

I threw my pokeball. "Bree, stop him!"

My empoleon charged up and released one of her deadly hydro pumps. The grunts prepared to throw their own pokemon into battle, but suddenly Saturn was standing a meter to the right. Bree glowed magenta red and flew – shot – backwards into the cave wall. She crumpled to the floor.

"Everyone else out," said Saturn, letting go of the pokemon he'd been kneeling over just a second before. He wore a glove with a red stone set in the back. The mythical lake pokemon Azelf floated in the air, eyes a piercing red, holding himself like a puppet supported by only a few points.

The grunts ran for it. Lucas caught my eye. "Don't worry," he said. "We've got this."

In the gentle cave light, his eyes glowed dark amber. And I wasn't worried. I mean, I wasn't terribly nervous to begin with, but furthermore I believed him, in all his sincerity, saying we had this covered.

"Yeah," I affirmed. "Let's go!"

We threw pokeballs at the same time: Owen and Lucas's infernape came out. "Flamethrower!" we both yelled.

Their fire flew at Azelf, who dodged and teleported I-couldn't-see-where. A boulder zoomed out, encased in magenta, and hit Owen in the head. He collapsed with a whine.

"Owen, get back. Emmy, go!"

"Infernape, flamethrower! Evelyn–"

I knew. "Emmy, psychic!"

The fire was surrounded in a purple glow – it took on a form of its own, like a fiery dragon. Under Emmy's control, it flashed through the dark space above, chasing after Azelf and trying to catch him. The fire circled him and drew tight like a snake constricting its prey.

A protect bubble fell out of the dragon's coils, crashing to the ground. It cracked upon impact, and Azelf wobbled out of it. A puppet controlled by a novice puppeteer.

The fire dragon turned magenta and dove, sweeping through Emmy and Infernape. They tumbled to the side and struggled to get up.

"Let's end this now!" Saturn growled, gesturing with a gloved hand.

Azelf teleported right in front of us, and suddenly it was Lucas who was surrounded by a crimson-pink glow. His face was still startled when he soared fifteen feet up, too far to reach but close enough to see clearly.

"Withdraw your pokemon and leave." Saturn's voice echoed through the chamber. "It's over."

Hands trembling in anger, I looked for a way out. There was always an alternate solution. There was always a way to win. I looked to Emmy and Infernape, and settled on Saturn.

"I said withdraw your pokemon!" Azelf's eyes flashed, and the light around Lucas brightened. His face twisted in pain.

I faltered. I knew what to do, but if it didn't go well or hell even if it did go well Lucas could get hurt, he could get seriously injured. But then Saturn would win if I didn't. Fuck.

The pink grip flared up. Blood ran from Lucas's mouth. He clenched his fists and eyes, and it looked like he was shouting but no sound came out. Shit this was bad. I nearly made up my mind to retreat, but the split second before I said anything, Lucas opened his eyes and looked at me.

Don't back down!

"Emmy, shadow ball at Saturn's hand!"

She moved fast and aimed at the glove with a red chain crystal in it. She would have caught Saturn, but Azelf teleported in front and used protect.

Azelf's eyes turned a searing bloodred, the glow around Lucas seemed to engulf him completely, and for the first time in my life, I saw Lucas afraid–

Snap.

His head jolted. Everything froze. We all stood in shock, not quite believing anything. The glow around Lucas faded, and he collapsed without grace to the damp cave floor.

What have I done?

Infernape ran to his trainer, Emmy ran to me. Lucas did not move. Saturn stared with horror at the bent boy on the ground. Not even he saw this coming. A little blue pokemon-turned-killer hovered remorselessly by him.

What have you done? What have we done?

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I don't know when Saturn and Azelf left. I wound up kneeling over Lucas with Infernape, checking for signs of life. There was no way. Unconscious, maybe. Could that happen? If your organs were crushed and your neck snapped and the rest of you dropped from fifteen feet, would you go unconscious? Could you at least be alive?

My heart beat twice as fast to make up for the pulse I couldn't find. Lucas's eyes were open, but the warmth I so closely associated with them was gone. I met Emmy's eyes.

I buried my face in my hands and screamed.

"Evelyn."

"…"

"Evelyn, you've been sleeping for fourteen hours."

"Well, fuck me," I muttered.

Silence.

"…please don't, though."

I didn't want to get up. I hadn't faced that nightmare in a while, and it had hit me hard, and I was tired from oversleeping. But I was moderately awake, and could have gotten up. It felt like I was waiting for something. I don't know what.

"C'mon, wake up."

"Go away." I turned my head into my pillow.

Thomas obliged, but not before picking Hope up and placing her next to my head. "Pri," she said as he left the room.

I sighed. "Sorry, Hope. I'm not feeling it today."

"Prri?"

"I just… I'm sorry. I don't know."

"Prii…"

I must have drifted off again. When I awoke, the room was warm. It was three.

Trust was out of his pokeball. Hope wasn't around. "Mon?" he asked.

"Hey there."

"Mon," he said again.

"He's asking what happened," said Definite.

I inhaled deeply and sat up in bed. "Nightmare," I said. "It was about the day Lucas died. You were there."

Trust looked alarmed. "Nonono, there wasn't anything you could've done," I said. "You were just there as Lucas's pokemon. Nothing any of us could've done."

The silence was as stickily warm as the afternoon.

"…'s something I could've done," I said softly. "Could've just… not attacked. Retreated. It was too late to do what I did."

Trust watched me with his light gray eyes.

"And then he'd have stayed alive," I said. "And maybe I wouldn't have had to start over. I wouldn't have you guys, but I'd have my old team still, and I'd still have my old friendship with Lucas. Now I keep thinking we're closer than we are, because I share more memories with him than he does with me. He barely knows me. He's alive… but he's not the same person. We're not nearly the friends I remember."

My eyes were watering a little, but I took a shaky breath and blinked until they dried. It doesn't count as crying if it doesn't fall out.

"Anyways… I should get up now. Where's Hope?"

The startled look on Trust's face was not a good sign.

She wasn't in the room, in her pokeball, in the hallways or the bathroom. "Definite, can you find her?" I asked frantically.

"Je ne sais pas… I can try."

I ran outside. Thomas was training with Marcassin and Cassie (his absol and quilava) by the Center. "Have you seen Hope?" I asked him.

"Your togepi? No."

I groaned. "I can't find her."

"Wait." He turned to face me. "You lost Hope?"

"Not on purpose–"

"No, you lost Hope?"

It took me a second.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS SERIOUS"

We searched the rest of the building, splitting up floors until we'd scoured the entire Pokemon Center and the area immediately around it. "Okay," I said, getting desperate. "We can… You can head to the picnic spot, and I'll head toward Amity Square–"

"I found her."

I stopped and let Definite out so we could talk face to face. "Where is she?"

Not far. Nearby the Pokemon Center, luckily for us.

Bebe's house, unluckily for me.

I stood at the front door, fist poised to knock. "Go on," Thomas prompted me. I glared at him and… almost knocked on the door.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked.

The hand I'd raised to knock was sinking slowly. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"This is where I got my eevee."

"Your… Oh, you mean…?"

"Espeon, last time around."

"That's even more reason to knock."

I looked him straight in the eye, not even trying to hide my emotions. "That's why I can't! I keep… Bebe gives away eevees all the time… If I keep letting my hopes up like this… And every time, they've been knocked down, with Bree, with Owen, with Liana…"

"You don't think your eevee's there," Thomas realized.

"There's no way she's there."

"You don't want to think she's there."

"Of course I don't, you think I enjoy getting my hopes demolished?"

Thomas walked up to me. He stood there for a second without saying anything.

He knocked on the door.

"Either way, there's still one Hope who's definitely in there."

He backed up. Bebe opened the door. "Hello."

"Ah! Hello! Uh, my, I'm so sorry, my togepi–"

"Prrrri~!" I heard inside.

"Oh, so that's where she came from. No worries, happens to the best of us. Keira's a top coordinator, and her buneary runs off almost daily." She opened the door wider. "Come on in."

Tentatively, I stepped inside. I looked back – Thomas was nowhere in sight.

…Arceusfuckingdammit, Thomas.

Bebe's small house was as full to bursting with eevees as I remembered. Last time it felt joyful; this time it felt like the walls were crawling. I felt my heart beating in my chest and my ears. Just get Hope and leave.

"Pri~" Hope was playing with an eevee. The eevee darted around her, suddenly here, suddenly there, suddenly nuzzling Hope with a fuzzy face. Hope's shrieks of laughter split the air.

"Hope," I sighed in relief. "There you are." I picked her up, patting the eevee on the head. "Darn it, Hope."

"Prrrri~" she said, sounding distressed and reaching towards the eevee she'd befriended.

"Aw, she's made a friend!" Bebe stood with a hand on her hip, a lopsided grin on her face. "Would you like to adopt her? I can check your records, and then you could take her off my hands."

My heart sank – this was a direct offer, not like Bebe's usual "Oh take a look around and see who you like." Which was cool... but it wasn't Emmy.

Except it was.

"Vee," she said cheerfully. I knelt down, shaking, holding back the rising hope within me, and reached out a hand. Hope's eevee friend sniffed it. I could see the odd lavender flecks in her brown eyes.

It's you.

She pushed her head into my hand in a friendly way. I scratched behind her ears, the way she liked.

I finally cried.