(CW: depression is mentioned, although not particularly experienced in this chapter)

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"Come on," I wheedled.

"We're both out already."

"Yeah, but you can always learn from other trainers."

"Lucas wants to get moving," said Dawn.

"I stayed for you last time," I pointed out.

Dawn started to say something, but hesitated. "You got me there," she said after a moment.

"You'll stay?" I asked cheerily.

"Yeah… I'll talk to Lucas, too."

"You know you're your own person, right?" I said.

Dawn smiled ruefully. I hoped that hadn't sounded bitter. "I know. But I'm going back to Hearthome with Lucas."

"Oh!" This was news to me.

"Yeah, I figure at this point, I should get badges from other gyms before giving Sunyshore a sixth go," she sighed.

Sixth?! "I – yeah, that sounds like a good idea," I spluttered. What was Volkner playing at? Sixth?!

"But yeah, I'll see if I can make him stay an extra day or so," said Dawn. "Also, I was thinking of checking out the Celestic Ruins tonight; wanna come?"

"Yeah, I'd like that," I said.

Dawn went off to convince Lucas to stay. I already knew she'd have a much easier time than I would have had.

Thomas knocked on the glass door to the computer booth in the Pokemon Center. "I've always wondered why these are enclosed," he said.

I clicked to another tab. "It's because they're usually used for vidcalling," I said. "Privacy for the caller; less noise for everyone else."

"You're not vidcalling, though," said Thomas, squinting at the screen. "Did you just change tabs?"

"No," I said. "I've been on the–" I glanced at the page. "–browser homepage this whole time."

Thomas just stared at me with a knowing smirk. I sighed and clicked back to the other tab. Thomas took a gander.

12 Tips for Coping with Depression

"That's it? I thought you were hiding something scandalous," he joked.

I shrugged uncomfortably. "It's not something I've talked about before," I said.

"Is it your first time dealing with it?"

I leaned back in the swivel chair and shrugged again. "I thought it was, but the more I think about it, the more I think I just didn't have a name for it. Like, I'd get home from school and be unable to do anything for hours. My second ever match against Fantina went really poorly because I wasn't feeling up to it. And obviously there was the entire month after Lucas died." I looked up at Thomas. "I think I recognized that as depression, cause suddenly there was a reason for me to be depressed."

"Depression doesn't always need a reason," said Thomas.

"I'm getting that now."

"Well, now that you know, you can do something about it," said Thomas.

I nodded, going back to the screen. "That's the idea."

"I'll be in the lobby when you're ready," Thomas said.

"No need," I said, logging off. "I'm ready now."

Dawn was standing outside the Ruins entrance when we arrived. She'd invited both Thomas and Lucas too, but only one had shown up. "Where's Lucas?" I asked.

"He decided not to come," she said. "His loss."

My heart sank ever so slightly. "Will he be okay?"

"Lucas? Yeah. This isn't Veilstone."

She said it half-jokingly, but it meant she knew what I was thinking.

We entered the cavern. The inner walls were lit by a string of bare bulbs along one side. I brought out Trust for extra light – and protection, just in case.

"J'ai une question," Def said to me.

"Yeah?"

"Tu et Coeurage narrowed her evolution down to a few options, oui?"

"Yeah."

"De ces options, quelles est-ce que tu préfères?"

"Def, I can't answer that for her – you two are talking about that again?"

"We have been all day aujourd'hui."

"All day?!" I stopped in my tracks.

"Approximately."

"Something wrong?" asked Thomas. He and Dawn had stopped and turned around.

"Um… I think I need to talk to my pokemon right now," I said.

"Right now right now?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah– I mean, they've been talking all day about the same thing and I've only just… I'll explain later," I said, backing up. Trust looked confused but then seemed to understand, like Def had just filled him in. "Enjoy the Ruins."

"Good luck," said Thomas.

The entrance to the Ruins were more or less in the middle of Celestic Town, so I was (hopefully) unlikely to be attacked. I let out Def, Coeur, and was reaching for other pokeballs when I thought to ask, "It's just you two who've been talking?"

"Oui."

"Okay," I said, withdrawing Trust as well. Def and I sat cross-legged on the ground to get closer to Coeur's height. "So, what's this been about?"

"Coeurage says she is unsure what she wants to evolve into."

"Okay… she knows she doesn't need to decide this instant, right?"

"Oui. She said it has been on her mind."

"Okay. Um… Coeur, did you manage to narrow it down any further? Let's start with that."

Coeur shook her head, looking about as frazzled as an eevee can look.

"Mais elle sait," Definite said, sounding oddly frustrated.

"Elle what?"

"Elle sait…" I felt some kind of psychic shift. "Elle sait what to evolve into."

"Eevee," Coeur protested, having heard him as well.

"She knows?"

"Oui! She knows, just like I knew."

"You knew what?"

"That I wanted devenir un gallade."

"So you've… you've more or less singled out a favorite?" I asked Coeur directly.

"Ee." It was an unsure confirmation.

"Oui." Def's confirmation was sure.

"What's stopping you?"

"Vee," Coeur said. Def translated:

"She doesn't want to be wrong."

"Oh. I mean, anti-evo tech is advancing. It wouldn't be impossible to undo it if you think it's wrong."

Coeur launched into a flurry of eevee-words that Def had to vocalize for her.

"Coeurage, ça va, you already told me. I can tell her."

Coeur quieted down. "Il y a many reasons that is not préférable. Her moveset et growth would not be for the new evolution, she worries it would slow down the team, changing evolution is expensive… aussi, the moveset of her choice is limited in type, while she wants to know many kinds of moves."

"Sounds like there's a lot going on," I said.

"Vee," Coeur confirmed tiredly.

"Well, I want you to know," I said, "that I'm more than willing to pay for an evolution change. Your happiness is more important than money. Also, having an old moveset would mean you'd know the moves of two different types of eeveelutions, so that's kind of a bonus. Um… your growth is primarily about you as an individual, and based on what you've told me in the past, I don't see that varying a lot between your top picks. Beyond that, I really do think you could thrive as any evolution. What else was there?"

"Slowing down the team," Def said.

"Yeah, there's no way you'd slow down the team based on evolution choice," I said. "If you pick a redundant type, we'll just have more of that type. Like, if you picked vaporeon, we'd just have that much more advantage over fire types. And again, you'd be great in any evolution."

Coeur was quiet. "Anything else?" I asked her.

"She still isn't sure," Def told me.

"Okay… is there a specific instance of someone else's evolution going wrong?"

Coeur didn't say anything, but she did look pointedly at the gallade sitting next to her.

"Quoi?" Def looked startled.

"You think he regrets his evolution?"

"Mais, je ne regret pas," Def said uncomfortably.

"Where's her theory coming from, then?" I asked him.

"Well, je… je ne…" Def sighed out loud. "Je probably should have deviens une gardevoir."

"Go on," I said gently.

"Je préfère fighting from a distance et evasion et healing," he explained. "Je n'aime pas close combat."

"I see." I did meet him when his main moves were teleport and double team.

"Mais je ne regret pas," he said again, looking at Coeur. "Gardevoir would have been more convient, but… gallade feels right. Je ne sais pas."

"Just because?"

"Just because."

"What made you choose?"

"Gut feeling."

"You had some reservations, right?"

"Oui. Mais, I found out I needed to trust my instincts. I knew what to do. I just had to do it."

"Merci, Definite." To Coeur, I said, "How are you feeling?"

Coeur still looked unsure. And finally I realized this wasn't about the costs and the movesets and the team composition. It never was.

"I think… it might be… it may not be external factors making you uncertain," I said. "It's just, you have so many different reasons for being unsure… it's like they're all rationalizations rather than sources of uncertainty. When that happens, the real reason is usually internal. Which makes it harder to find."

"Vee," Coeur groaned, plopping her head down on her forepaws. I smoothed back the hair on her head.

"Hey. You don't need to decide right now. Heck, you're killing it out there as an unevolved eevee. You could stay that way forever and keep kicking ass like you did today."

Coeur leaned into my hand; I scratched behind her ears. "If Def is right, though, and deep down you know your evolution, it just comes down to taking that leap of faith."

I paused. "Although I should probably call it a leap of courage, in this case. Trust your heart, Coeur."

Lucas was training with his pokemon outside the Pokemon Center when I got back. We made eye contact briefly, which he soon broke.

He probably wanted to keep training.

I hesitated for what felt like hours (jk, time was flowing fine) and then went for it.

"Hey," I said, approaching him.

"Hey," he said, not really looking at me.

"How's it going?"

"Fine."

"Mm."

Silence.

"Um… how's training going?"

"It's going fine."

Should've seen that coming.

"Cool… I hear you're staying tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Nice. Glad you'll be around."

Silence again.

I exhaled. "Are you mad at me?"

"No?" He almost looked at me.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Is… is something else wrong?"

"No."

I wanted so badly to believe him.

"Well… if there is… just talk to me," I said.

"Kay."

I guess all these silences were awkward probably but I hardly noticed. My mind was too occupied with how to get through to him.

"I'm gonna," he pointed at his riolu and torterra, "keep training now."

"Oh, yeah. Okay." I stood there stupidly for a second. "Yeah. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

I went into the lobby, feeling my insides collapsing.

Why is he like this? Surely there's a reason? What did I do though? It started when we had that fight in Veilstone, right? Why is that still carrying on?

"Evelyn, you good?"

I blinked. Thomas and Dawn were back. "Yeah."

"You were just kinda standing here, staring off into space," Thomas said casually.

"Oh." I didn't remember stopping at all. Guess I got too deep into my own thoughts. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he said. "I'm just worrying about you."

"Uh, okay."

He passed by me, followed by Dawn, who waggled her eyebrows at me. I made a face. Thomas watching out for me was just a state of being. Our friendship had originated in him saving me from things (and, well, me getting frustrated over it, but that was irrelevant now). It didn't mean I was more than a friend to him. It didn't mean he was more than a friend to me.

I sighed quietly, walking behind them. At least, I hoped it didn't mean that.

Ce juillet j'apprends français et maintenant je peux parler français! escargot croissant baguette fenêtre