I Still Need You

Summary: Post Season Finale - Damon is living out a human life with Bonnie when an accident he can't prevent changes everything.

Song Inspiration: Dim – SYML

I lay next to myself, breathing slow
Car crash in rewind
"There's nothing you could have done, " said a soft voice
"Calm down, you will survive"

Leave me out of my mind, sedated
Bitter and blurry-eyed
Please don't look me in my face when I'm wasted
You know you can't relate

And the world got a little more dim tonight
The world got a little more dim tonight
Though you had to go, I won't forget your light
The world got a little more dim tonight

…

Damon stood in front of the mirror holding two ties up against his black suit. He caught sight of her in the reflection, leaning in the doorway. "Good…you're here." He turned around weighing both ties in his hands. "What do you think, green or blue?"

She tilted her head with a stoic expression. "What am I doing here, Damon?"

He pulled a face that told her the answer was obvious. "It's a big day, Bon. Kinda need your input here." He held up each tie for her against his suit again. "Now…green or blue?"

"What about classic black? It's more traditional."

He raised a brow. "When have you ever known me to be traditional?"

She rolled her eyes indulgently. "Fine, blue…it matches your eyes."

Damon looked down at them, his brows knitting together, and biting his lower lip as if he was making the biggest decision of his life. "But the green matches yours."

Bonnie scoffed. "What does it matter? My eyes are going to be closed anyway." she joked.

"Ha ha." He tossed the blue tie to the chair, and started wrapping the green one around his neck, his fingers fumbling slightly. He'd had a couple drinks, and being human, his tolerance had waned.

With a little sigh, she came over and pushed his hands aside. "Let me do it…you always suck at this." she smirked up at him.

"See? What would I do without you?" Damon rested his hands on her hips, swaying them slightly as her fingers deftly tied his tie.

Her lips pulled in a tight smile. "Well…better start figuring that out." She padded the tie down neatly.

"I'm not ready for that yet." he responded tensely, a deep frown pulling on his brow.

Bonnie pulled away from him, looking up at him with sadness in her eyes. "How much longer are we going to keep doing this, Damon? This isn't healthy."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "This is all I have right now. I can't go on a blood binge, or kill anyone…I can't even turn it off so if this is all I get, then I'm going to hold onto it for as long as I can. If you ask me…this probably the healthiest I could be handling it."

Her brow arched high on her forehead, her arms crossing. "Drinking magic tea to hallucinate your dead girlfriend? Come on, Damon…" she cupped his cheek, and he instinctively leaned into it. "You have to let me go."

"I can't…" he whispered back, tears pooling in his eyes. "I still need you."

She graced him with a watery smile as a tear slipped down her cheek. "This isn't real. I'm not even a ghost…I found peace. I'm happy." Damon closed his eyes, the words gripping his heart painfully. "I need you to move on and be happy too."

He pulled her hand off his face, and clutched it to his heart. "How can I move on and be happy when the one person than I can't live without is gone?" He asked, desperate for an answer.

Bonnie stepped back slowly, her eyes never leaving his. "Start by going downstairs…and say goodbye." Her hand dropped from his. "That's the first step."

He swallowed deeply. "And then what?"

Bonnie shrugged. "I guess that's for you to find out." Caroline's voice could be heard downstairs, coordinating everyone to meet at the church. "Time to go." she added quietly.

He closed the distance between them again wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her as if it was the last time…and maybe it was. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead on hers. "I love you, Bonnie." he committed everything about her to his memory.

"I love you, too. I've never loved anyone more." she cried. "These last few years have been the happiest of my life. You gave me that. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me."

He let out a breathless laugh. "Tell eighteen-year-old Bonnie that."

She laughed too, giving him a long-lasting kiss. "Don't miss me too much, okay."

He rubbed his nose against hers. "Not a chance."

"Damon?" Caroline voice came through the door after a short knock, and a second later she popped her head through, drawing his attention. On the surface she looked well put together, but on the inside, he knew the only thing holding her together was planning this service. "Are you ready?" she asked softly.

He blinked and looked back in front of him, and all that was left was an empty space. His hands still hovered in the place where he held her, and with an exhale, he let them drop to his sides. "Yeah, I'm ready." he grumbled.

Caroline stepped into the room with a small smile. "No, you aren't…your tie's not even done." Damon glanced down; seeing it hanging loosely around his neck just solidified the fact that Bonnie was right. This wasn't real. She busied herself with knotting his tie, her eyes darting up to watch him stare off hollowly. "She was here again…wasn't she?" His eyes fell to the floor. They all knew of his unhealthy coping mechanism, and they reluctantly allowed it. "Hey…I don't blame you. I wish she could talk me through today too." She smoothed down his tie and gave him a warm smile. "There. The emerald green was a good choice."

"She says I need to move on."

"Easy for her to say." she teased. "You're going to get through this. It's hard now…and it will be for a long time. But one day thinking about her won't hurt so much." Caroline promised, speaking from her own experience. Losing Stefan and her mom were the two hardest losses of her life, and only now could she look back with fond memories instead of the heart-breaking pain she once felt.

He stared at her with genuine gratitude. "Thank you, Caroline."

"Don't mention it." She said with a wink. "Come on…everyone's waiting."

He nodded. "I'll be right down. I just…need a minute." He waited until she left before slowly moving to his dresser, pulling out the light blue plaid button up with a shuddering breath. It was spotted with dots of blood down the front, and it was smudged with dirt, but it still smelt of her; hints of coconut and jasmine. He brought it to his nose, closing his eyes and inhaling deep. He wished they never let that night…

.

He eyed her with smouldering eyes as she walked around the side of the Camaro. Her hair fell passed her shoulders in loose waves and parted down the middle. She rocked a thin strapped white blouse, tiny jean shorts, her loose-laced combat boots and a plaid button up tied around her waist.

She caught his eyes over the top of the car. "What?"

He snapped out of it. "Nothing…just imagining everything you're wearing laying on the floor of our bedroom when we get home." He wagged his brows at her. "I'm getting major prison world vibes right now."

She rolled her eyes indulgently. "And here I thought you had your fill this morning." And well into the afternoon. It was the reason they were late getting to Caroline's. "Are you going to be able to behave tonight?" she raised a brow as she got in on the passenger side.

He smirked to himself, remembering the last time they were at Caroline's. Blondie almost caught them in the laundry room. "No promises." He slipped into the driver's seat and they pulled out of the driveway. "Okay, fine…but don't expect me to keep my hands to myself."

She glanced at him sideways. "The girls are getting older now. Don't you think it's about time we stop acting like love struck teenagers and start acting like mature, responsible godparents?"

"And what better way then to show them what a healthy, loving relationship is. God knows they aren't seeing it at home." he muttered under his breath, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Damon…" she admonished. It was no secret that he wasn't a huge fan of her relationship, or whatever it was with Ric. At first, Bonnie thought that it was because she went back to him after Stefan died, but she soon realized that he was angry that they were settling for less than what they both deserved. It was obvious Ric loved her, but he was willing to deal with the fact that Caroline was just out of reach. And Caroline…she basically gave up on loving anyone after Stefan, only staying with Ric for the sake of the girls. "Who are we to judge healthy relationships; we've all had our share of baggage." She turned her head back to look out the window. "They're happy."

"Noo…they pretend to be happy; there's a difference."

She smiled, turning again to stare lovingly at his profile. It wasn't an easy road for them to get here; it was heartbreaking for all parties involved and they almost lost their friends in the process, but eventually it became obvious that this was years in the making. They had fought their attraction for a long time, before finally admitting it to each other, and it was only a couple years after Damon took the cure that he and Elena eventually called it quits. She was devastated, naturally, but they had drifted apart and Damon knew he could no longer hold her back. Her dreams were a thousand miles away and his dream, he realized, was right in front of him. Every day they spent together as friends brought them closer to this, and Damon, nor Bonnie could deny the that there was genuine love there. She reached over and rested her hand on his thigh, and he instinctively laced his fingers with hers, bringing them to his lips. "I'm happy." she vowed, needing him to know that was something he never had to worry about.

He smiled, but he didn't get the chance to respond. When he glanced at her, he was haunted by the vision of a truck barreling towards them through her window, blowing the red light and crashing into them, sending them tail spinning through the intersection.

Damon came to, coughing up bits of glass that shattered from the passenger window, the muted sirens ringing through the air. His eyes swung over to Bonnie weakly and he panicked when he saw the blood dripping down her face and the odd loll of her head. He fumbled with his seat belt, leaning over to get to her, touching her cheek. "Bonnie…" he groaned. No response. "Bonnie!" he said louder, yelling out as the pain shot through his leg, but he pushed through to get to her. The passenger side door was completely done in; the window shattered and the metal was twisted around her. He took her face in his palms, trying to get her to wake up, but her head was loose in his hands. "Come on, baby…wake up." He brought his wrist to his mouth, and stopped in horror…he couldn't heal her. For as much as he had enjoyed his human life with Bonnie…he'd never wanted to be a vampire more in his life than in this moment. "Bonnie…" he cried, pleading. "Don't do this to me…this is not how you go; do you hear me?"

The next few hours went by in a blur. Damon felt like he was outside his body looking in. Bonnie left him that day; she didn't even make it to the hospital and now her last words were the only thing he heard when he closed his eyes. He didn't leave the house for days, sometimes finding himself staring at the empty spot in the bed where Bonnie would be, or the chair where she would curl up and read, her shawl draped over the arm and the book sitting on the cushion. There was still a half empty mug – her favorite, sitting on the side table.

This house…their house, was full of memories of her, and his heart broke to know there would never be any more. He rolled around the box in his hands, his breath hitching when he cracked it open. He shouldn't have waited…he should have put this ring on her finger months ago. He should have made her his wife, mother of his kids…now all he had left was the memories.

He vaguely recalled Caroline coming to clean the house, bringing him food and prepping him on everything that needed to be done. She wasn't new to this; she had it all figured out for him. 'I'll take care of everything.' she'd said.

He remembered Elena coming by, trying to comfort him between her own sobs…leaving something on the counter before turning and walking out the door. It took him an hour or so before he got up from the couch in a daze, tears dried on his cheeks and in clothes that had been worn for too many days in a row. He should probably eat something. He ambled to the fridge and pulled out of the prepared Tupperware containers Caroline brought, throwing the lid in the sink and sticking it in the microwave. While he waited, his eyes drifted to the counter finding a baggy packed with herbs, and a post it written in Elena's delicate handwriting. 'To help you get through the hard part.'

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, he felt something other than hollow in his heart.

.

Her laughter filled the room, and brightened his life again. She'd been here for almost a week now, and it was the only thing keeping him together. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Bonnie moved her chess piece, looking at him from under her lashes. "You're staring." she sing-songed. He didn't even try to deny it, instead he beamed at her in response. "So, out of all the things we could be doing, you wanted to play chess?" She teased.

"Some of my favorite moments are the quiet ones, just like this." He reached up to brush the hair behind her ear from his place on the floor. "I miss you."

She grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I'm right here."

His lips quirked. "I was going to marry you, you know."

Bonnie smiled sweetly, her nose scrunching. "I know…I found the ring." His eyes widened in surprise. "You put it in your underwear drawer." she giggled as she slipped off the sofa to his lap. "For the record, I would have said yes."

Damon chuckled, wrapping his arms around her, his back resting against his chest. He rested his chin on her shoulder. "Oh, I know. You were crazy about me."

She nudged an elbow into his side. "So modest." Her head shot up at the knock on the door. "You should get that."

He shook his head. "It can wait." The knocking persisted and got louder.

But Bonnie stood slowly. Damon didn't have to answer it, because the door swung open and Elena came storming in using the key Caroline had made for emergencies. "Damon!" She looked relieved to see him, and pulled him into a hug. "My God, I worried something happened to you. I've been trying to reach you for hours." When she pulled back, a frown marred her face as she saw the chessboard out and the moved pieces – only his, and the nearly empty bag of herbs on the coffee table. She snatched it up in disbelief. "You almost finished this already? Damon, how much of this have you been using?"

Bonnie stood in the corner. "She's worried about you."

Damon turned away from Elena's concerned glare. "You have to be careful; this stuff is powerful, it changes you."

He snapped his head back at her. "Well, you were the one that gave it to me, Elena!"

"Yeah, to give you a chance to say goodbye, not use it as a way to avoid reality!"

Bonnie tilted her head. "Be easy on her, Damon…she's just trying to help."

His eyes narrowed, ignoring Bonnie's comments. "Like you did? Tell me, how long before you gave up my ghost, huh? How long did it take for you to snap back to reality? If I had it my way, I'd stay in this dreamland for as long as humanly possible because my reality, is just too damn depressing!" He glanced at the corner where Bonnie stood, and it was empty. He flipped the chessboard and stormed off upstairs, ignoring Elena's jump.

He splashed water on his face in the en-suite bathroom, and when he looked up, Bonnie's reflection stared back at him, leaning against the back wall. "She's right, you know."

"I know she's right." he grumbled, wiping his face on the towel.

"The funeral's tomorrow…" She started. "I can't stay here much longer." Bonnie came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso, and resting her cheek on his back.

Damon grabbed her hands and held them to his heart. "I don't think I can do this without you."

Bonnie pulled away, turning him to face her. "Yes, you can. You lived a hundred and seventy something years without me…I think you can handle another fifty or so years."

He groaned resting his head on her shoulder. "Ugh, that sounds like torture." He lifted his head as an idea came to him. "Maybe I'll pick a fight with Klaus and let him rip my heart out…" His brows raised and his lips turning down in contemplation. "He does have a fairly profound level of hate for me."

She slapped his chest. "Not funny. Promise me you won't do anything stupid."

He nodded. "I promise."

…

It was a small service. He knew that's what she would have wanted. As he stood up at the podium, he looked out into the pews at those in attendance. Elena and Caroline of course, Ric, Lizzie and Josie. Abby and Jamie, and Jeremy and Matt. He thought about the people that were missing too. Liz, Bonnie's father, Stefan, Enzo…Tyler. Looking down at the leather-bound notebook in front of him, he smoothed his hand over the cover and flipped it open. "Bonnie touched all of our lives in ways we'll never forget. She's sacrificed for us more times than we can count, and she was hands down the most powerful witch I've ever met…and the most amazing woman." His words caught in his throat and he dropped his eyes down to his hands resting on the podium. It was joined by hers, linking her fingers through his in silent support and it made his lips curl up in a sad smile. Elena was wiping her eyes with a tissue and Caroline was clutching Ric's arm, her face contorted with tears. Abby was barely holding it together; her quiet sobs racking her body. "Bonnie Bennett was so many things; a witch, a ghost, an anchor to the other side, a huntress…and most importantly, our friend. I've been to hell and back with her…" he chuckled to himself, "literally." there were a couple of titters through tears. "And I'd do it all over again. Bonnie changed me…she changed all of us. She deserved better than this." tears slipped down his cheeks. "She deserved to live a full life; one without so much death and pain…but you know what her last words were? I'm happy. She loved this life…she loved us." He squeezed her hand, looking down at it again. "And I love you, Bonnie." he whispered more for her than anyone else.

They laid her to rest by the stump in the woods. Each of them dropping their memories of her in the ground on top of her coffin. Caroline placed Bonnie's diary, Abby dropped a necklace that had belonged to Shelia, Matt dropped a photo of them, Jeremy placed one of her melted candles, Ric a folklore book she gave him for Christmas and Elena floated down a handful of white feathers. Caroline placed a comforting hand on Damon's back and he stepped up, pulling the box out of his pocket. He cracked it open and he could hear the gasps behind him, but he didn't say anything as he slowly got down on his knees and placed it on the surface of the coffin.

Elena and Caroline glanced at each other, stunned, as a fresh set of tears clouded their vision, and together they came around behind him as he stood, wrapping their arms around his and resting their heads on his shoulders.

…

30 Years Later:

Damon walked into the boarding house, taking in all the old memories. It was just like he remembered it; the paintings on the wall, the antique red couches he never really cared for, the fire that was roaring, warming the room. He was happy to be back here after all this time. He'd lived many places in his life, but this was always home.

He frowned, hearing the sounds coming from the kitchen, and he cautiously made his way over there, peeking his head through the doorway. His jaw dropped and he couldn't help the beaming smile that pulled at his lips.

There she was…as beautiful as the day she left him, flipping pancakes, with flour and batter dusting her apron and hands. She grinned brightly, dropping everything to run into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and burying her face in his neck. "You're early." she whispered, but he could tell she didn't mind.

"Bonnie…I thought I'd never see you again." He clutched her to him like a lifeline, and it hit him. Flashes of the moments leading up to this assaulted his mind. The hospital, doctor's, his friends, the steady beeping. "Where are we?"

She pulled back, kissing him sweetly. "We're home."

…

Elena grasped his hand, feeling his grip loosen. It had happened so fast; the cancer worked its way through his body so quickly that it took less than a year for it to take him and Damon didn't care to fight it. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks, as he let out his last breath, and the repetitive beep droned on. Sobs racked her body, and the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes deepening in anguish. "He's gone." she cried, and Caroline was quick to embrace her, running a soothing hand over her friend's hair, littered with strands of silver. "Damon's gone." Elena could never let go of her love for him. Even in all their years apart…even though she had a husband, and children and recently, a grandchild of her own…she still loved him dearly. Damon never moved on after Bonnie; he couldn't. He lived his life, and he found pockets of happiness, but everyone knew he was biding his time until he could see her again.

All Elena could hope was that wherever he was now, he was happy.