Don't Give Your Heart to Me – Part II

Rated M for some strong language.

Song Inspiration: Half a Man – Dean Lewis

I was wrong to say I loved her, I was wrong to think I'm right
When I told her it was over, oh my darling I had lied
I've been running from my demons, afraid to look behind
I've been running from myself, afraid of what I'd find

But how am I supposed to love you when I don't love who I am?
And how could I give you all of me when I'm only half a man?
'Cause I'm a sinking ship that's burning, so let go of my hand
Oh how can I give you all of me when I'm only half a man?

…

AN: Thank you so much for the reviews on Part I! I'm really jazzed about this story, so I ended up writing the second part well into the night lol and this morning! So here is Part II. Enjoy!

…

A month went by and Bonnie found herself waking up in Damon's bed more often than she meant to. With Stefan off on his revenge mission, they mostly had the house to themselves, save those odd nights the group gathered there to discuss how they were going to deal with their latest problem. It was getting more difficult for either of them to pretend that all this was between them was sex. It had developed into more as time went on. Bonnie found herself missing him, and not just his physical touch, but his company. On the weekends her father wasn't home, Damon would come over and make her dinner…then he'd lay her out on the kitchen island and pleasure her with his mouth and hands and cock until she wilted beneath him. And sometimes in the middle of the night, she'd slip into his bed just to feel the comfort of his arms.

Bonnie woke up to his empty room one Saturday morning and frowned, wondering where he went. It was only a minute later when he sauntered out from the bathroom, a towel slung low on his hips and water droplets covering his chest. "Morning." He smirked, his eyes coasting over her lithe form under the thin sheet.

"Morning…" she laughed. "You're dripping…"

Damon was at her side in a flash, his hand slipping under the sheet and dipping between her nether lips. "Mmm…so are you." He caught her gasp with a passionate kiss.

Bonnie moaned into his mouth but reluctantly pulled away. "I can't stay…"

He pouted. "Why not?"

She smiled running her fingers through his wet raven locks. "The dance is tonight. Carline roped me into helping her set up. If I don't go, you know I'll never hear the end of it."

His eyes watched his fingers trace her collarbone. "And who exactly are you taking to this dance?"

Bonnie chuckled. "No one…" she drawled, her eyes narrowing playfully. "It's not like anyone's asked me."

His eyes widened friskily. "Are you asking me to ask you to the dance, Ms. Bennett? It's a public event." He had been waiting for her to be ready for this secret to no longer be a secret and so far, Bonnie wasn't there yet.

"No…" her lips pulled in a smile. "But maybe you could be there?"

"But not as your date." His tone was clipped.

Bonnie sighed, sitting up. "Do you really want to deal with all the questions that's going to bring up? Elena will be there."

"And?" he probed, unbothered.

Her eyes dropped to the sheet. "Jeremy will be there." Damon stood with a roll of his eyes. "I just – I haven't talked to him about everything yet. I've been avoiding him."

He moved to the wardrobe, pulling out a pair of jeans, briefs and a shirt before putting them on in frustration. "You can't possibly be entertaining the thought of going back to him."

Bonnie swung her legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed the shirt he'd discarded the night before, and slipped it over her head. "Of course not. But it's complicated."

"Then uncomplicate it." He grumbled.

Bonnie walked up to him resting her hands on his chest. "Hey…I do want to tell people about us, okay, but…" He frowned down at her. "I'm worried."

He brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Worried about what?"

"I'm enjoying this, and I'm worried that if we tell everyone that we're seeing each other that it's going to pop this perfect little bubble we created. I don't think they'll understand." She explained softly, linking her hands behind his neck. He started to smile; that cocky lopsided smile that turned her insides to mush. "What?"

"You owe me dinner."

She balked leaning back. "What? Why?"

He was smug. "You lost the bet."

"I did not. I never used the word relationship." She defended confidently.

"No, but you implied it when you said we were seeing each other." She groaned in realization, stomping her bare foot on the hardwood, and he chuckled at how much she hated to lose. He narrowed his eyes playfully. "You like me, don't you Bennett?" He boasted. "It's okay…you can admit it."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Fine…I like you. You got under my skin, okay. But I'll get over it."

He tipped her chin up. "What if I don't want you to?"

Oh fuck. She thought to herself. His blue eyes were penetrating and smoldering and that look he was giving her nearly made her weak in the knees. How did this happen? A few months ago, she couldn't stand this man, and now she found herself falling for him. He got under her skin alright. "Then I won't." she whispered.

Damon smiled. "We can tell them whenever you're ready."

…

He showed up late to the dance, under the pretense of keeping an eye on the newest Original in town who for some reason, beyond his comprehension, enrolled as a student. Rebekah Mikaelson hadn't really proved to be than much of a problem for them since Klaus ditched her, but she was still a threat. When Damon's eyes landed on Bonnie he blinked; she was stunning in an emerald green flapper dress, adorned with intricate beading and black fringes. Her hair was in finger curls and her lips were blood red, and it took everything in him not to grab her and whisk her away to kiss her senseless.

He couldn't lie to himself, he cared for her far more than he ever thought he would. And while hearing that she liked him this morning brought a smile to his face, he shared her concerns. Bonnie was special…she deserved the best, and he most certainly was not the best she could do. There were things he couldn't be for her, and each day that this went on, the more he saw her sink deeper, the more she let him in. And in a perfect world – one where he wasn't the mess that he was, they would make one hell of a power couple.

He noticed Jeremy walking up to her, determination in his eyes and the uncomfortable look in her once he approached. He strained his ears to hear through the crowd.

"Jeremy, we can't. How can I ever trust you?"

"I made a mistake, Bon…I love you."

He watched her shake her head. "No, you don't. If you did, it never would have happened, and you wouldn't have lied about it." She turned to leave and Jeremy grabbed her arm tightly. Damon's jaw clenched and he weaved his way closer to them. "Let go of me." She tried to pull away but he only gripped her tighter and pulled her closer to him cradling her face in his hands. Damon pushed his way through more aggressively. "Jeremy!" She exclaimed in disbelief at his forcefulness.

"Bonnie, please." He begged, and Damon stepped up intimidatingly, glaring down at him.

"Is there a problem here?" he sneered.

Jeremy let go of Bonnie and rolled his eyes. "This isn't any of your business."

"Well I'm making it my business."

Jeremy stepped closer, and the vampire's eyes were wild with rage. "Damon it's okay." Bonnie's gentle voice broke through. "I'm okay."

Elena rushed up getting between them with Ric and Caroline following shortly behind. "What the hell is going on?" She glared at Damon in scepticism. No one said anything and she looked between the three of them. "Damon…why do you look like you're about to pummel my brother!?"

"Why don't you ask him?" Damon pushed passed, knocking Jeremy's shoulder hard enough to make him stumble back.

Elena stared at Jeremy in confusion, but he scoffed and stormed off, so everyone was left standing looking at Bonnie, who was rubbing the space between her brows. "Bonnie?"

She sighed. "He grabbed me, but I'm fine." Elena noticed the redness on her bare arm and held it gingerly. "Elena, it's okay…" Her eyes caught Damon leaving the school gym. "I'll be right back."

Bonnie pushed through the crowd, trying to catch up to Damon as he stormed down the empty hall. "Hey! What the hell was that?"

He turned around with an incredulous glare. "He put his hands on you, Bonnie. Did you think I was just going to let that slide?"

"I had it under control." She replied confidently. "He's Elena's brother and human! You can't just square up with him like that!"

"I don't care who the hell he is, Bonnie! He's lucky he is who he is or I would have ripped his throat out." He snapped.

She rolled her eyes skyward. "You're over reacting."

He closed in on her. "I think you're underestimating how important you are to me, Bon." He uttered seriously. "He touched you and…I saw red."

She canted her head, all the fight draining from her. Damon's knuckles came up to run along her jaw where Jeremy grabbed her. "I'm okay." Her hand reached up to grasp his hand with a soft smile.

The clicking of heels snapped them out of their moment, and Damon stepped away and turned his back on her as Elena barreled around the corner. She eyed them warily as she approached. "Is everything okay?"

Bonnie's gaze darted to Damon, who had his hands on his hips and was pacing a small hole in the ground. "Yeah, everything's fine."

Elena kept her eyes on him. "Bonnie, can I have a moment with Damon?" the witch nodded, and headed back to the gym. "So…explain."

Damon scoffed. "Are you kidding me? Your brother puts his hands on your friend and I'm the one that has to explain?"

She crossed her arms. "You looked like you were ready to rip his head off! Since when do you come to defend Bonnie's honor? You barely even like her."

"We're friends." He grumbled.

"Since when?"

"What's with the third degree? You should be glad I broke it up when I did." She sighed heavily and the tension was taught in the air.

"Thank you." Elena stepped closer hesitantly, fiddling with her fingers nervously. "Look, I've been wanting to talk to you. I know that we haven't really spoken much since…" she trailed off thinking about the last time they were alone together. "And I remember what you said, but I've had a lot of time to think about things…about us." Damon's eyes snapped up to hers sharply. "I know I haven't been fair to you and I think it's time that I'm honest with you and myself about how I feel."

He stared at her bewildered. No. Not now…He thought. "Elena…"

"No, I need to say it." Her big brown eyes fixed on him. "I have feelings for you, Damon. And I've been fighting it for so long that I don't even know when it started. I want to see where this goes." She smiled hopefully, but it fell when Damon dropped his head. "I thought you'd be happy…"

"Why now?" he mumbled quietly.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder?" she offered with a nervous laugh and half shrug. His demeanor was off-putting. "Am I missing something?"

"What about Stefan?" he looked up at her, ignoring the question. "You're giving up on him that quickly?"

She reeled back. "It's been months since he's even shown his face here, Damon. He refuses to answer my calls, he's left a slew of bodies all down the eastern seaboard. Even if he did come back…I don't think he'll ever be the Stefan I knew." She gulped sadly.

"Do you still love him?"

Her mouth dropped open as she scrambled for a response. She decided to be honest. "Yes." He turned and walked away. "Damon…" but the hurt in her voice didn't stop him.

.

Two and a half months ago:

Bonnie hurriedly put her clothes back on glancing around for her other shoe. Damon was as cool as a cucumber, stretching languorously on the makeshift bed of blankets they had set up on the top floor of the clock tower. She shook her head annoyed with herself for caving so easily. Two weeks ago, he told her she'd be crawling back in a week…and she was back in four days, craving his touch. Now, she met him here, almost every day. And if it wasn't here, it was somewhere else, like the Grill bathroom, a darkened classroom and one time even her room. But never the boarding house.

"What's the rush?" He drawled with a lazy smile.

"I have to get back to school." Bonnie mumbled, tying the laces on her sneakers.

As she walked by, Damon reached up and pulled her back down to lay on top of him. "Skip it."

"I can't." she countered, avoiding his stare.

"Fine…then can you at least admit that I was right?" he smirked.

Bonnie rolled her eyes then forced a bright plastic smile. "Nope. Gotta go." She hopped back to her feet ignoring his amused chuckle.

"But I am…" he drawled arrogantly as she headed for the stairs.

.

Damon stared into the fire, bleary eyed and desolate. He'd long since abandoned the glass and opted for the bottle instead. It had been three days since the dance and he'd been having a hard time facing anyone. Elena's confession fucked with him; it made him question things. Yes, he cared about Bonnie…but when Elena said she had feelings for him, there was a part of him that was elated. It was everything he'd wanted and now it was within his reach, but yet still he questioned it. She was still in love with his brother, and even if Elena did have feelings, would they ever measure up?

And then there was Bonnie.

The front door creaked open and his eyes closed as her scent followed. "Good…" she started when she spotted him in his favorite chair. "You're not dead." She quipped, as she came down the stairs into the room.

"Now's not a good time, Bon." He protested bringing the bottle to his lips.

"Yeah…I can tell you're really busy. Hey, maybe next time you wanna blow me off for three days you can at least give me a reason why." Her words came out sarcastic and insulted.

"I'm not blowing you off. Just processing."

She came to stand in front of him, dropping a file on his lap. "Processing what exactly? The fact that Elena finally told you how she feels or what your brother's been up to?"

Damon glanced up, placing the bottle of the floor. "She told you?"

Bonnie glanced away, crossing her arms. "Yeah, perks of being the best friend. I get all the highlights." She retorted sourly.

"What's this?" He flipped open the folder and found a bunch of police reports of headless victims.

She huffed. "Stefan's extracurriculars. We can't let this go on any longer. We have to stop him."

Damon nodded, closing the folder and resting his head on the back of the chair. "I'll find him." He promised. She nodded back once and headed for the door. "Bonnie…" he stood and walked over as she turned around at the top of the stairs.

Dejection was evident in her eyes. "You don't have to say anything. Can't say I didn't see this coming." She offered a weak smile before rushing out the door.

Damon exhaled miserably. Fuck. She deserved better than this…better than him. But his heart broke seeing the sadness on her face. She had called it, but back then he was so sure that any chance with Elena was a pipe dream, and he hadn't wanted to believe her.

.

One month ago:

Damon had been trying to get Bonnie to be honest with him about what this was, as he could tell she was still hiding behind that mask.

She took a deep breath, sitting cross legged on her bed, the duvet wrapped around her naked body, as Damon got dressed. "Fine, you want the truth? I'm scared that if I'm honest with myself about what this is…that when the inevitable comes, I'll be disappointed with the outcome."

His eyes scanned her face searchingly. "And what outcome is that?"

Her gaze dropped to the bed as she pulled at a loose thread. "The one where Elena swoops in and tells you everything you've been dying to hear for the last two years. And I'll have to act like it doesn't hurt when this is all over."

He frowned. "You think I'd hurt you like that?"

She offered a small smile. "Not intentionally. It's easier without labels."

Damon sat on the edge of her bed, grabbing the duvet and pulling her closer, planting a smacking kiss on her lips. "Okay, new rule. No labels; the first one to define this as any kind of relationship owes the other dinner. Deal?"

Her nose scrunched with her smile. "Deal." He kissed her again, and stood up with a wink as he left.

.

Bonnie sat on the center of her bed, with a map in front of her. For the past ten minutes, she'd been trying to do a locator spell on Stefan, but tears kept streaming down her face breaking her concentration. When she got back to her house last night, she had silently cried herself to sleep. She couldn't understand why she was such a mess, and over Damon? It was infuriating. She hadn't even cried this much after breaking up with Jeremy, so why was she miserable?

Bonnie frantically swiped the tears off her cheeks as Caroline appeared in the doorway of her room with a concerned look. "Hey…what are you doing here?"

Caroline came in dropping her bag by the door and sitting on the edge of the bed. "You haven't answered any of my calls; I was worried." She looked her friend over. "And I guess I have a reason to be. Bon…what's going on?"

The witch forced a smile. "I'm fine."

Caroline sighed. "Is this about Damon?"

"What?" Bonnie's heart slammed in her chest and her eyes widened.

"I know…I've known for a while." Her friend dropped her head. "I didn't say anything because I was hoping that you'd tell me at some point on your own. At first, I thought you two were just boning, but seeing how he acted with Jeremy at the dance…" She trailed off, trying to judge Bonnie's reaction.

She swiped away another tear. "That's how it started. It was just supposed to be a distraction, you know? For both of us. But somehow…"

"You fell for him." Caroline finished for her.

Bonnie nodded. "I didn't think I would. But he's…when I'm with him, I feel like best version of myself; confident, sexy…like I'm important to someone."

Caroline's mouth dropped open. "Oh my God…Bonnie. Are you in love with him?"

Her head shot up. "What, no!" she exclaimed. "No…" she added less confident. But then she really thought about it and she felt her heart clench. Her day didn't feel complete without him, he'd look at her, and she felt her body ignite. The last month, she'd never been happier. "Oh God…" she said to herself under her breath. Her eyes were wide and scared. "Please don't tell anyone."

The blonde pulled her into a hug immediately, soothingly stroking her hair. "I won't, I promise." She felt for her friend, especially knowing that Elena had finally admitted her feelings for Damon. She had fallen in love with a completely unattainable man who was head over heels in love with her best friend. She didn't stand a chance.

…

Damon came up the stairs from the cellar exhausted. After a week of tracking down Stefan with Ric, they found him in Tennessee. Now he was vervained and drying out in the cellar until they could figure out a way to flip his switch back on. When he walked into the living room, he was surprised to see the figure sitting on the couch.

"Hey." He greeted neutrally.

Elena stood, wiping her palms on her jeans. "Hey…Ric said you found Stefan."

"Yeah. He's uh…he's in rough shape. It's going to be a bit before you can see him." He said with a sideline glance as he headed for the bar.

She turned, her eyes following him. "I came here to see you, actually." She bit her lip nervously. "About what I said at the dance…I meant it. I do have feelings for you, but…"

"But with Stefan back things have changed." He finished for her pouring bourbon in his glass. "Right?"

She sighed. "Damon…"

He slammed half the glass back. "God, I am so tired of being jerked around by you, Elena. What do you want?" He snapped at her, pinning her with a heated glare.

She shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing, Damon! I'm just trying to figure this all out." She shook her head, dropping back to the couch and burying her head in her hands. "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

He brought the glass to his lips. "A little late for that." She thought he was talk about himself, but he was referring to the sad woman that walked out of here only a week ago.

He hadn't heard from her since and he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss her. The closest he got to her was when spotted her with Caroline at the Grill. Just as he was about to walk over, Caroline cut him off, handing him the map from her locator spell. The look on the blonde's face told him she knew something, and when he asked her how she was doing her resolve softened. She'll get over it. She needs time. That hurt, but the week away from home might have been what they both needed.

Elena glance up at him with tears in her eyes, and he had to look away. He'd made both women he cared about cry in the last ten days, and it pulled on his heartstrings. "Look, Elena I need to focus on Stefan right now. I don't have time to deal with this."

She nodded sadly. "I'm sorry." She walked over, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek before heading for the door.

He felt like he was being pulled in two directions; Elena was everything he wanted. He was so in love with her that a part of him would have waited for her to decide between him and his brother. But he also hated that he was at her mercy. And Bonnie…she was amazing. She was a match for him in many ways; she challenged him, she understood him. But how could he give her everything she deserved if half of him was in love with someone else? It wasn't fair.

He was battling his inner thoughts all night, and that's how he found himself, drunk and laying in the middle of the road. He wanted to kill something; it would do nothing to help his situation, or make it any easier to make his decision, but maybe if he screwed up enough, they would make the decision for him. And that was the thought that went through his mind when he stopped the car, and the young man came running out to check on him. It stayed with him as he compelled him not to scream and as he drove his fangs into his neck and took pull after pull of his blood. As he drained him a crying face flashed behind his eyelids – full of disappointment and it made him stumble back. Forget this ever happened and get out of here. Damon demanded around a mouth full of blood and he darted off into the woods.

He sat there, leaning against a tree for hours before he texted her. She needed to see this…see the monster in him, so she knew that it was better this way. He heard the crunching of the twigs and leaves as she got closer, and he stood slowly, keeping his back to her.

"Damon?" She approached cautiously. "Are you okay?" He turned, eyes red and veins bubbling under them, dried blood creasing the corners of his mouth She gasped, but she continued forward. "What happened?"

His eyes bled through to blue but they were hard. "I'm a monster."

"Did you kill someone?" her brows knitted and her voice wavered.

Damon scoffed. "No…but I wanted to." He paced in agitation. "I should have." He mumbled to himself.

"Why?"

He rounded on her, the veins in his neck bulging. "Because that's who I am! Because when I'm upset, I lash out and hurt people, Bonnie! But I stopped because I didn't want to disappoint you any more than I already have."

She was silent for a moment, observing him. "I'm not disappointed in you Damon. I'm disappointed in myself." His gaze snapped to hers confused. "I knew what this was when we started…whatever this is. I knew that it was always going to be Elena for you, and I tried really hard to be okay with that." She swallowed thickly. "You were right; I didn't understand it before…why you'd go above and beyond for someone that could never love you back." Tears sprang to her eyes. "I do now…" Her voice trailed off softly, and his eyes widened as he realized what she was saying.

He stepped closer. "Bonnie…"

"I love you, Damon. I love everything about you…even this part. And I'm not telling you because I think it will make you chose me, but because I think you should know that someone does…even if it's not who you want it to be." She explained, tears slipping down her cheeks unchecked. She brought her shaking hand to the side of his face and his eyes were shining in the moonlight. Reaching up on her toes, she pressed a trembling kiss to his lips…accepting the monster in him before shooting him a watery smile and leaving the woods before the sobs cracked from her chest.

But even though she was out of sight, he heard the anguish in them echo through the trees.

…

To Be Continued

…

AN: Hey everyone! I really hope you enjoyed Part II. There will be a part III to wrap this up so please stay tuned! Leave a review and let me know what you think 😊