Why You Gotta Be So Cold? – Part II
AN: WARNING: This is an intense chapter…I did my best to make it as non graphic as possible, but this is going to contain some non-con and adult content.
…
Girl, the way you broke my heart
It shattered like a rock through a window
I thought we had it so good
Never really saw this comin'
Oh, why you got to be so cold?
Why you got to go and cut me like a knife
And put our love on ice?
Oh, girl, you know you left this hole
Right here in the middle of my soul
Oh, why you got to be so cold?
…
15 Years Ago:
Damon kissed the top of her head as she curled into his side, resting her hand on his chest and her leg over her his. "Where would you want it to be?"
"Well, here of course. Right at the top of the bluff that overlooks the valley, the view of the mountains in the distance. Just a few people; intimate…and afterwards we ride off on our horses." She smiled wistfully, tracing circles on his shirt.
"And after?"
She leaned up on her elbow, her hair falling around her shoulders. "After, we have big party; our last hurrah before we start trying for babies."
His grin widened. "How many?"
"I want, like…an army!" The both laughed and Damon lovingly brushed the hair behind her ear. "At least three – no four. Maybe five? My dad is the oldest of five. And this ranch can be a legacy we leave them, that they can pass on to their children – our grandchildren, and so on and so forth for another hundred plus years."
"That sounds perfect, baby. I can't wait." He said seriously. Damon always wanted a big family of his own; and he wanted nothing more than having that life with Bonnie. He could picture the face of a cute, chubby cheeked girl with her brown skin and his eyes, and a rambunctious, mischievous little boy that he could teach about life, and how to hunt and to be a man. From the moment he met her, he knew that she would end up being his whole world, and Damon was only fourteen then. Now seven years later, he was positive that he'd never love anyone more. "Promise me that one day this will be reality. Promise me you'll be my wife."
"I promise." She whispered, cupping his face, and kissing him sweetly. "I love you, Damon."
"And I love you more." He snaked a hand around her neck, and pulled her down for a sensual kiss that had her moaning and straddling his hips.
Neither of them would have though that just a couple months later he'd come home to an empty house and a note that said 'I'm sorry…'
…
The door slammed hard behind her, echoing through the main house as Bonnie stormed in. Jamie came out from the study, eyes wide with concern, which bled into fear as she never broke stride when she approached him. Bonnie wound up, and hit him with a deafening slap across the face, making him stumble back into the wall.
Jamie bought his hands up to his stinging cheek, staring at her with disbelief. "Bonnie, what the fuck!"
Rage filled her as she glared as his cowering form. "How could you?! I just saw Kol by the bunkhouse, Jamie! What the fuck is that about! You knew! You knew what he did to me and you let him work here?! With my dad? With Damon!?" Her chest heaved as she yelled, the vein in her forehead bulging angrily.
He shook his head in confusion, pushing himself back to his full height along the wall. "Bon, what are you talking about?"
"No, don't do that. I saw you!" She paced a small path in front of him, her body humming and full of adrenaline. "And I know you saw what he did to me! You can try and black it out but I ca-an't!" She stuttered as felt the tears collect in her eyes, but she sucked them back and forced the waver from her voice. "That asshole ruined my life, and I have been trying to pick up the pieces ever since." She squeezed her eyes shut as that day assaulted her mind and when she opened them, the realization flashed in Jamie's face. He was only sixteen when it happened, and maybe when she left, he was able to repress it, but it haunted her. "God…Damon is friends with him! Do you have any idea what he'd do if he knew?" She pushed him hard into the corner, and he balled up against her assault. "He'd kill him, Jamie, and he'd kill you for knowing it." His eyes widened, and he swallowed nervously. She stepped closer to him, glaring up at him viciously. "And you better pray that he never finds out. Because if he does…I'll kill you myself." She shook her head at him, her lip curled in a sneer. "And you wonder why I hate you…you are not my brother." Bonnie hissed inches from his face before storming out the front door, letting it slam shut behind her and breaking the stained-glass window.
.
15 Years Ago:
Bonnie brushed out the white mane of her Palomino – Duchess, with care, relishing in the way she nuzzled at her shoulder with a soft snort. As she finished with grooming, and started packing up, she noticed someone walk in; a man in a cowboy hat and a tall lean frame. With the sun coming through behind him, she wasn't able to see his face, but she assumed it was Damon, and shot a smile his way.
"Hey cowboy, finally able to sneak away from everyone to see me, huh?" She wiped her hands on her jeans as she approached him, and reeled back when she made out his face. "Oh…sorry. I thought you were someone else. Kol, right? You're friends with my brother." She thought it was odd that someone a few years older was still hanging out with a teenager, but Jamie didn't have many friends so she tried not to question it.
He smiled down at her, but it was too smooth…too sly, like a fox. "That's right. And you're Bonnie Bennett…the farmer's innocent daughter."
She immediately didn't like the tone, or the look he was giving her. "We don't farm…we raise cattle, and yes…I am." Bonnie shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. "Um…can I help you with something?"
Kol took a calculating step closer. "Yes, you can. I have been crazy about you since I saw you, darling."
Bonnie stepped back. "Oh, uh…sorry, can't help you there. I'm with someone."
He rolled his eyes unaffected. "Yes, I'm aware…that roughneck orphan with a chip on his shoulder. A little below your standards, sweetheart." He reached up to brush a smudge of dirt off her cheek, but she swatted it away.
"You don't know anything about him, or me." She moved around him, but he grabbed her arm roughly, pulling her back in front of him. "You better let me go right now, or you'll spend the next two days fishing your balls out from the river." She spat lowly.
He laughed cruelly. "Oh, you have fire in you, don't you? I bet you are a wildling between the sheets." He crushed his mouth down to her, and she fought hard to push him away. When he stumbled back, she took the opportunity to run away, but he recovered quickly, grabbing her from behind, and throwing her roughly to the ground. She struggled and cried out in a panic but he covered her mouth with his large hand. He was so much stronger than she was, and she found herself easily pinned beneath him. With his other hand, he wormed it down to the button of her jeans, ripping it open and down her legs, ignoring her hands slapping at him and her muffled screams. "I didn't want it to go this way, love…but I have to have you." He whispered, nudging her legs apart and releasing himself.
For a moment, he released her mouth as he lined himself up and pushed inside, and a strangle cry echoed in the stables, which he seemed to enjoy. The more she struggled, the more he got off on it, until she slowly left her body and her cries were only on the inside. She turned her head away, muting Kol's groans into her neck, and at the entrance of the barn, she saw Jamie appear, eyes wide and confused.
'Help me.' She mouthed, her eyes pleading with him, and slowly he backed away, running in the opposite direction. Her eyes squeezed shut, hoping that he'd be back with someone, anyone…but no one returned.
When he was done, he left her there, bruised and broken inside, and she silently, and in shock, pulled her clothes back on and walked back to the cabin. Her intention when she got there, was to tell Damon everything, but when she got back to the empty house, she felt dirty knowing that a man other than him had touched her. Damon was the only man she'd ever been with until now, and she was the only woman he'd been with also. That was special to her, and now that special bond was ripped from her. Bonnie felt like she was wearing her skin on the outside, and as she realized what had happened, the shame followed.
She spent an hour in the shower, trying to clean Kol from her body and mind, but every time they closed it happened all over again. She decided then that she would never talk about it, never even think about it ever again.
So, when Damon came home that night, she forced a smile to her face, and convinced herself that it was just a terrible nightmare.
.
Weeks passed, and while Bonnie was struggling with herself internally, she was able to push it down in the company of others and her father. It occurred to her that if either him or Damon were to find out what happened, it would break them; the fact that they couldn't stop it from happening when it was right under their nose, and that someone had caused harm to the person they loved dearly, above all others…no…she couldn't look at them from behind bars for the rest of her life.
One thing her father had told her rang in her head. 'I live by the law, Bonnie. I pay my taxes and everything we do here is by the book…but if someone hurts my family, the people I love…rest assured that's the last thing they'll ever do.'
It helped that Kol had not been by the ranch since, and besides Jamie avoiding her like a plague, things slowly started to go back to normal…until everything came crashing down around her.
Bonnie looked down at the test with horror written on her face. After a week and a half of nausea, she finally caved and went into town for a pregnancy test. She had hoped it was just a flu, but a part of her knew deep down that she wasn't that lucky. Since that day in the stables, she had to make up some kind of excuse as to why she was turning down Damon's advances, and she was only a couple days passed her period when Kol raped her…she started to feel sick all over again.
Bonnie emptied her stomach in the bathroom of the drug store, and shoved the test to the bottom of the garbage can, before cleaning herself up and slipping out with her hood over her head. She felt numb. What was she going to do? Twenty years old, and knocked up by the man that raped her…it was the worst possible outcome. On her drive back to the ranch, Bonnie thought up a plan and how to execute it.
…
Damon walked back home, rubbing his face tiredly. He tossed his hat on the counter carelessly, and rested his hands on his hips as he stared at her. She was sitting on the couch, a very full glass of bourbon in her hand and a smoke tucked between her fingers.
"Okay…" he started. "I just fired probably the hardest working wrangler we have; my friend, for you. And I need you to tell me the reason, so that when the others start questioning me as to why, I have a better answer than because I said so!" His voice raised with each word as he glared into at her hollow, deadpanned stare.
Bonnie glanced away. "It's better you don't know."
Damon felt the rage boil in him, and his hands flexed at his sides. "Did you fuck him?"
Her eyes snapped back to him, and she pondered her reply. "Yes." She whispered. It was the lesser of two evils.
He cranked his neck, fighting the urge to throw his fist through a wall. "While we were together?"
His blue eyes were lit like wild fire, and she didn't have it in her to tell him the truth. "No…after."
He released a sigh of relief, but the pain was still there. "Good…then I'm glad he's gone." He hissed before walking off to his room, and the door shut behind him. It wasn't long after she heard the smash of glass hitting the wall, and her body flinched in response.
…
Bonnie sat in the office in the main house going over paperwork, trying to sort out their backlog of bills and where they were gaining and losing profit. Her hand tunneled through her hair, as she rested her elbow on the desk. She hadn't said a word to anyone for days. Damon would leave in the morning without her knowing and came back after she went to bed and everyone at the ranch gave her a wide radius after what had happened. But when she sensed someone appear in the doorway, she was surprised to find Jamie standing there, hat in his hands, and tail between his legs.
"What?" she snapped, bringing her gaze back down to the papers in front of her.
"Can we talk?"
"No."
"Bonnie, please."
She crossed her arms on the desk. "Fine. Talk."
"I'm sorry…" he stepped in cautiously, swallowed the lump in his throat. "I didn't know…"
Her lips tightened. "What do you mean you didn't know, you were there."
"Yeah, but I thought…" He hung his head. "I thought that…"
"Spit it out, Jamie."
"I thought you were cheating on Damon." He rushed out. "And I thought I was doing you a favor by not telling anyone. Bonnie, I'm so sorry!" he pleaded with tears in his eyes. "If I had known I never would have-"
"Stop." Bonnie chewed on the inside of her cheek as she realized that all of her hate over the years had been misplaced. She thought Jamie abandoned her there, that he was too scared to do anything to help her, that he didn't value family the way she had, and in turn she slashed him from her life. She stood, walking around the desk to stand in front of him. "You honestly didn't know?"
"No! You're my sister…I love you, Bonnie! I feel terrible that I left you there when he…" His face crumbled, and sobs racked his body.
Emotion ran through her, and tightened in her throat, and hesitantly, she came forward and wrapped her arms around him, as he buried his head in her shoulder. She soothingly hushed him, stroking his head fighting back her own tears. "It's okay…" After a few long moments, he sniffled and pulled away, wiping his tears. "Jamie…you are my brother, and I'm sorry for how I treated you. But you have to promise me that you will never tell Damon, okay?"
He nodded. "I promise."
…
Later that night, Damon was home early enough for her to see him, and in an effort to smooth things over with him, she made dinner. He walked in hesitantly, eying her as she took the roast out of the oven.
"Evenin' cowboy." She greeting softly with a nervous smile. "I made dinner. Your favorite."
He hung his jacket and hat, sitting down to take off his boots. "Thanks." He mumbled, then walked off down the hall.
The breath she was holding came out in a shaky huff. She didn't blame him for still being mad; if she was honest, she thought he was handling it better than she was expecting. He had a temper, just like she did, but for him it was a silent rage. Bonnie looked down at the meal she had planned, and slowly started grabbing the things she needed to pack everything up, but a few minutes later, Damon walked back into the kitchen; changed and washed up.
"Looks good." He commented, glancing over her shoulder.
She smiled looking back at him. "Sit down, I'll fix you a plate." Her hand rested gently on his arm, and he seemed to be very aware of it, holding her gaze for a moment before sitting at the table.
They ate in comfortable silence, sharing little smiles and looks, before Bonnie worked up the courage to say something. "Damon…I'm sorry, for leaving the way I did. You didn't deserve that."
"Then why did you? Bonnie, I have been racking my brain for years trying to figure out what I did wrong." He pleaded.
Her head hung and she let out a miserably scoff as she fiddled with her napkin. "You didn't do anything wrong, Damon…"
"Then why? I was going to marry you, we had plans…then one day you just left, and I never heard from you again. The only reason I knew you were alive was because your dad told me you settled down in New York. What happened?"
Bonnie covered her mouth with a hand, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. Nearly ten years without shedding a tear, she spends a few weeks back home, and it was like she had to fight them back every other day. "I wish I could give you an answer that makes sense…but there isn't one. I got scared; I made a mistake." She shrugged sadly. "I have many regrets. But I can't change the past."
He shook his head confused. "Then why didn't you come back? We could have figured it out together. I've loved you since we were fourteen, Bonnie, what could have scared you so much that you couldn't talk to me about it?"
"Please…just let it go." She begged feeling entirely too exhausted all of a sudden.
"Fine…" he huffed, leaning back in his chair. "But one of these days you're going to tell me the truth." He stood, grabbing his empty plate and hers and dropped them in the sink before going to his room.
.
17 Years Ago:
Bonnie heard the knock on her door and rolled over n her bed. "Go away!"
Her dad opened the door anyway, and stepped inside, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Honey…let's talk about this."
She sat up tucking her knees to her chest and fixing a glare on her father. "What is there to talk about? You cheated on mom and had a bastard love child with some home wrecking slut." She grumbled spitefully.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, with a sigh. "Yes…I made a mistake. Your mother and I were going through a rough patch; there were a few months when you and her went to live with your Aunt Lucy. I told her what had happened, and by some miracle she forgave me. She was an amazing woman…and she will always be the love of my life." He noticed Bonnie offer him a weak smile, and he pinned her with a knowing look. "I met her when I was fifteen. She wanted nothing to do with me but eventually the Bennett charm won her over. We got married five years later."
Bonnie gave him an awkward glance. "Are you trying to relate this to me and Damon? Because we just started dating, dad. It's not that serious." That was a lie…it was getting serious, but her dad didn't need to know the intimate details of her love life.
"Yeah, you say that now…but I know that look. I love him like he was a son, sweetheart. And if you want to make him my son in law one day…well, you have my blessing." He smiled reassuringly, squeezing her knee. They shared a moment of understanding, before he broached another subject. "Now…about Jamie."
"Aaaand you ruined it. You have effectively ruined this moment." She told him with a plastic smile.
He continued on anyway. "I know it's a lot to take in, but he is your brother…he's family. And family is everything, remember?" Bonnie's shoulders dropped in resignation, and she nodded. "Mom and I always hoped to give you siblings, but unfortunately, we weren't able to after you. That's why you're so special, Bon. This ranch is your legacy…and I want you to share that with your brother."
"Okay…" she promised, placing her hand over his. "Family is everything." She repeated.
Rudy smiled. "That's right." He kissed her forehead and stood walking back to the door. "I love you, baby girl."
"I love you too."
.
When Damon came home after work, he saw the note on the door from Bonnie.
Come to the main house. – B
Curiosity was getting the best of him as he wondered what she had in store. The last couple of days he had noticed a change in her. Back were her summer dresses and cowboy boots, and gone were the city clothes and heels. She wasn't drinking as much as usual and every morning at dawn, she met him for a morning ride.
But when he walked into the main house, he heard the chatter coming from the kitchen, and his heart leapt at the scene before him. Bonnie and Jamie were moving around each other, cooking and laughing as they made a mess.
Jamie took a swing of the wine right from the bottle, and she playfully shoved him, snatching it from his hand. "Hey! That's for the sauce!"
He chuckled. "You don't need the whole bottle."
"I will if I want to get you to shut up." She shot him a sickly-sweet grin, and took a swig herself.
"Pain in my ass." He mumbled under his breath, dodging the cherry tomato she threw his way.
They both noticed him at the same time, and Bonnie's face lit up. "Hey cowboy…"
He was teleported in time; oh, how he loved hearing her greet him in her sultry tone after a long day. "Hey baby…" it came out before he could stop it. Jamie smirked, slipping away unnoticed, and Damon winced. "Sorry."
"It's okay…" she assured with an easy smile. "You got my note."
He walked around the island, to stand in front of her. "I did…looks like you and Jamie are getting along."
"Yeah. I remember my dad telling me that family is everything, and Jamie is the only family I got now, so…" she admitted on a whisper.
He tipped her chin up, looking deep into her eyes. "I may not be family…but whether you want me or not, you got me too."
Bonnie, grabbed the hand holding her chin, and held it between both of hers. "I know. I don't deserve it…but thank you."
He swallowed thickly, feeling the crackle of energy charge between them. "You asked me the day you got here if I was still in love with you."
"Damon…" she warned in mild panic.
"The answer is yes, of course I am. In fifteen years, no woman even came close to you. Bonnie, you will always be the love of my life…and if we never end up together, then so be it, but no one else is ever going to take your place. Okay?" He kissed her knuckles tenderly, and her mouth twisted as she held in her tears.
The words her dad had told her all those years ago held such a weight now. Her dad loved her mother dearly…just like Damon loved her, and her mom was powerless to his charm…just like she was. "Okay…" she whispered back in a strained voice.
She wanted nothing more than to fall back into their old life together…for years she had dreamed about it, but with all her internalized baggage she wasn't sure if she could be stable enough for him. Her mood swings were out of control, sometimes all she could do to get through the day was drown herself in bourbon. She wasn't a healthy partner…she wouldn't be a good wife, or mother…and she didn't want to let him down.
He started to slip away from her, but her instinct made her grab him. "Wait…um." She worked up the courage. "I'm not…okay, Damon. I'm a mess…I'm no where near ready to be anything, to anyone…but for what it's worth…you'll always be the love of my life too." He seemed so relieved to hear that and the smile that pulled on his lips reminded her of the boyish charm from the day they met. "But that's the best I can offer you right now."
He nodded, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I'll take it." When he pulled away, they moved around the kitchen effortlessly, preparing dinner, and there was slight weight that fell off her shoulders.
…
AN: I'm glad people are liking this one! I stayed up late getting the next chapter ready because I got so into it. There will be a part 3…we aren't out of the woods yet! Thanks for your support! – Vanessa