Looking Too Closely – Part I

Summary: AH – Bonnie is engaged to Enzo, her high school sweetheart. His best friend – and best man, Damon has been biting his tongue about how he feels about it for too long. She thinks he hates her, but it's only so she doesn't look too closely and see right through him. This will be a multi part story.

AN: You guys, I am so sorry for the long delay. Someone I consider a niece died tragically at the beginning of the month, and with the investigation and grieving I have had very little motivation to write. I'm slowly getting back into it, so please bear with me if my updates aren't as frequent.

In regards to Bloodstream, it's still coming, however I have had a change of heart about the plot so I'm going to re-work things and it will be a while before I have the first chapter posted. For now, I have a few song fics I've been bouncing back and forth with so I think I'll focus on that first. Thank you for your patience. – Vanessa

Song Inspiration: Looking Too Closely – Fink

This is a song about somebody else
So don't worry yourself, worry yourself
The devil's right there, right there in the details
And you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself
Looking too closely
Looking too closely

Put your arms around somebody else
Don't punish yourself, punish yourself
Truth is like blood underneath your fingernails
And you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself
Looking too closely
Looking too closely
Oh, no, no, no

…

Damon rolled his eyes. Enzo had been pacing back and forth on his patio with a stupid smile on his face for the last half hour, talking to his betrothed. Maybe he'd be happy for him if it wasn't for who he was talking to. Everything had seemed to be happening so fast; it wasn't long ago they were on the verge of a nasty break up, one that he didn't think they'd come back from. But only two weeks later, Enzo went crawling back to her with a diamond ring in his hand and begged her to take him back.

They all went to high school together, and while Damon and Bonnie were never close, he constantly found her surrounding him. He and Enzo were as thick as thieves, and when they started dating, Damon found himself as the third wheel on many occasions and while he hated it, he also found himself enjoying her company…and that was bad. So, he did what he did best, and he acted like a complete asshole to keep her from getting any closer. And it worked…for a little while. He would snap at her, make jokes, do whatever he could to get under her skin, and where once she would just roll her eyes and sigh with annoyance, Bonnie started to give it as good as she got, and matched his energy with her own. And that was even worse, because now, not only did he enjoy her company, he was actually starting to respect her. Over time, that respect turned into admiration, and that morphed into infatuation and then…well he would never admit that; out loud or otherwise.

So, in an effort to redirect the unwelcome feelings, he started dating Elena. She was easily the sweetest and most incompatible person he could find and inadvertently used her to distract himself. But she was also one of Bonnie's closest friends, and subconsciously it was a way to keep her close, while still putting her at arm's reach. Damon liked Elena…she was someone he should be with, someone who, if he'd let her, could probably make him happy, but he didn't love her, and she could sense it. The relationship dragged on for longer than he meant it to, and finally after two years he ended it for her own good. They fought all the time, and the guilt was starting to weigh on him. That was three years ago, and they barely spoke since.

The sound of the sliding door opening and shutting behind Enzo snapped him back to the present. "Bonnie's coming by for a bit." He grinned, dropping back down to the couch beside Damon.

"What!" He balked. "This was supposed to be guys night! And you don't live here anymore, you can't just invite anyone over whenever you want." Damon snarked distastefully, sipping his bourbon.

Enzo chuckled good naturedly. "I'm not bailing on guys night. She's just coming to drop off some more beer and food. Clearly neither of us are fit to drive. And Bonnie isn't just anyone, Damon; she's going to be my wife. You better get used to having her around." Enzo finished his beer and reached to grab another one.

"Speaking of…are you sure that's what you want? I mean the idea of spending the rest of your life committed to one person just sounds like a nightmare." He glanced at Enzo with a raised brow. "You sure you're making the right decision?"

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life. I love Bonnie. I can't picture my life with anyone but her." He explained confidently.

Damon rolled his eyes, pushing to his feet and topping up his bourbon. "That's because you've never been with anyone but Bonnie since you were seventeen, Enzo. There are more fish in the sea, buddy. You're not supposed to reel in the first one you find."

Enzo bit the inside of his cheek, letting out a huff. "Why can't you just be happy for me, Damon? You're my best friend, my best man…you should be congratulating me, not talking me out of it." He grumbled.

"I'm just trying to make sure you're going into this without any regrets. In a few months, you are going to marry the only woman you've ever slept with…the only other girl you dated had braces and a backstreet boys poster taped in her locker." He glanced at his friend pointedly.

Enzo shrugged. "I know what I want."

"And what about that fight you two had recently?" Damon pressed. "You almost broke up!"

"And it only solidified my decision." Enzo stood and walked over to him. "She's everything to me, and I'm fully prepared for what I'm getting into." He retorted strongly.

Damon raised his hands in surrender, but kept his eyes averted. "Fine. Point made." There was a knock on the door, and he sauntered over to answer it, pulling the door open. "Well…speak of the literal devil." He narrowed his gaze on her.

She shoved the case of beer into his arms, as she pushed passed him. "And hello to you too, Damon. You know, most people usually use greetings when welcoming people into their home." She placed the bag of Chinese take-out on the kitchen island and turned back to face him.

Damon kicked the door shut, and dropped the beer on the counter as he watched Enzo walk over and kiss her cheek with a smile. "Well, to be fair, I didn't welcome you into my home." He plastered on a plastic grin when Enzo shot him a glare. "But…here you are anyways. I'll be right back." Damon headed to the bathroom, and when he was on his way out, he heard the voices drift in from down the hall.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Enzo. I've tried being nice, I've tried ignoring him, I've tried bribery. I've exhausted my options…he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, he just…he's in a mood."

"A mood that's lasted eleven years? Damon has had it out for me from the moment we started dating, and for the life of me I can't understand why." Damon winced, when he heard her let out a deep sigh. "Have you told him yet?"

"Uh, no…not yet."

"Enzo!"

"I'm sorry, I was going to tell him tonight."

"Tell me what?" Damon walked out from the hallway, to see Bonnie and Enzo standing in his living room looking awkward. "Come on…what is it?"

She eyed him hesitantly, her mouth twisting contemplatively. "Elena is my maid of honor."

Damon scoffed. "Shocker."

"And that means you have to walk down the aisle with her, and be nice and not a dick." She stated pointedly, planting her hands on her hips. "She's coming all the way from Seattle and she's concerned about how awkward it will be for you. We know you two didn't end on the best of terms."

"It's fine." He said in a clipped tone. "I broke up with her, remember? I'm more worried she's going to fall for me all over again. Because me in a tux…I mean, come on." He smirked, running a hand down his chest.

Enzo chuckled, and Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I doubt that. She's bringing a date."

Enzo glanced down at her in surprise. "Really? Must be pretty serious if he's travelling across the country for a wedding."

"Sounds like it. I'm really happy for her." She turned back to Damon pointing a finger at him. "So please don't screw this up, okay. I'm counting on you to be mature about all this."

Damon gulped back the rest of his drink. "Mature, sure…nice, maybe. But being a dick…I wear that badge proudly."

"Yeah, don't I know it." She snarked back.

He narrowed his gaze on her. "Oh, you got off easy, Bon-Bon. You haven't seen the worst of it, but I'm willing to give you a demonstration."

Enzo stepped forward, holding his hands up. "Okay, okay…let's just simmer down. Damon, please just be on your best behavior around Elena."

"Look, I don't care about Elena, okay? It's not going to be weird or awkward, unlike this conversation." He grumbled heading for the fresh air of his balcony. He relished in the silence and let out a puff of air. It was short lived when the door opened behind him, and Bonnie leaned against the railing beside him. "What do you want?" He asked prickly. "I told you it'll be fine; we don't need to talk about it anymore."

"That's not why I'm out here." She eyed him curiously. "You know you never told anyone what happened between you and Elena. She always said she didn't know what went wrong." He didn't answer, instead he kept his focus on the skyline, his jaw ticking in irritation. "I thought you guys were in a good place. She was good for you…so what happened?" Bonnie asked gently.

Damon pinched the bridge of his nose. "She was good for me…but I wasn't good for her. I knew it the moment I met her." He scoffed. He shouldn't be talking to her about this; he was drunk, and he wasn't fully in control of his words.

She frowned, mildly surprised that he was even talking to her about this. "But you dated her anyways? For two years? Why?"

He glanced at her dryly. "Because I'm a dick, remember?"

"Okay…so did you even like her?" she demanded.

"Yeah, I liked her, Bonnie…I just didn't love her." He admitted, trying to ignore the look of disbelief on her face. "Elena knew it…I tried, but there was this other girl. I was crazy about her…couldn't get her out of my head, but she was…" he glanced at her again with a hard swallow, his usual steely glare faltering. "Unattainable."

Bonnie's eyes narrowed on him, and her arms crossed. "So, you used her as a distraction. God, you really are the worst, you know that? You're right…Elena was too good for you. And I feel sorry for the next girl that falls for this whole charming asshole vibe." She pushed off the railing and left the balcony, slamming the sliding door shut behind her.

Damon hung his head. It was getting harder and harder just being around her, so to compensate, he was harsher on her than he used to be and carefully bricked up a wall around him. But there were some moments, like just now, when he broke a hole in that wall and let her in, and every time she cut him with those looks of disappointment it made it even more difficult just to be in her presence.

…

He couldn't help but stare. She was simply glowing, and she had this energy around her that just drew you in. The white cocktail dress brought out her sun-kissed skin and the pink of her lips were pulled in a beaming smile. People at the engagement party gravitated towards her in waves, wishing her congratulations and giving her hugs. She hadn't spoken to him since that night on his balcony two weeks ago, and any looks she gave him were glares and any wedding party duties he had, came through Enzo.

This was what he had wanted. He wanted to be on the outside, off her radar, barely even friends…he wanted this because it was easier than admitting to himself that he was still stupidly in love with her. But now, watching her embrace her friends and seeing the warm welcome the got, he suddenly wished he was close enough to be on the receiving end.

"Stare any harder and you'll burn a hole in her back." Alaric mumbled lowly, coming to stand beside him at the bar. "Damon…remember where you are." He warned sipping his beer. Alaric was the only person that knew how Damon truly felt about Bonnie; maybe it was because he was a new friend to the group, and as Damon's neighbor, closer to him than the others. Maybe it was because he had an outsider's perspective or maybe it was because he was a bit older, and picked up on things that no one else did, either way, Damon wasn't able to deny it when Alaric called him right out.

Damon tossed back his bourbon, his eyes slowly averting from Bonnie as he turned his back and placed his empty glass on the bar. "Kind of hard not to remember where I am, Ric." He flipped down a picture frame with Bonnie and Enzo's engagement photo in it, both of them smiling at each other. "There are reminders everywhere." He grumbled, signaling the bartender to bring him another drink.

Alaric let out an indulgent chuckle. "Easy on those…you still have a speech to give."

Damon scoffed. "No one wants to hear my speech…trust me." He sipped back half his drink when it landed in front of him.

His friend sighed. "So, is this your plan then? Get really drunk and ruin this special experience for your best friend and his wife to be?"

Damon held his arms out. "What am I supposed to do, Ric? Lie and talk about how great I think they are for each other and how happy I am for them? Pretend that seeing her marry him isn't going to rip my heart out?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Fuck that. I'd rather do what I do best and project my unhappiness on everyone else." He shot Ric a plastic grin.

"Here's a thought…maybe try moving on." Damon glared at him. "Enzo and Bonnie have been together, what ten years."

"Eleven." Damon interjected.

"And in all this time, you've been holding on to feelings for a woman that can never return them. There comes a time when you just have to stop torturing yourself and move on with your life."

Damon rolled his eyes. "You think I haven't tried that? I did. With Elena…and look at how that turned out." Ric had gotten front row seats to that blow up.

She came knocking on Ric's door, concerned with where Damon could be. It was their two-year anniversary and he was supposed to meet her at a restaurant for dinner. But Damon was so caught up with a particularly nasty argument he had with Bonnie, that he completely forgot and ended up going next door to get wasted with Ric.

When Elena saw him on the other side, she was furious and her face crumbled in tears as she yelled at him. It was then that he knew he couldn't do this to her anymore, and he broke her heart for the second time that night.

"Look, I'm not saying you have get invested in a relationship or anything, but maybe try dating, putting yourself out there, see what happens." Ric offered with a shrug.

Damon let out a drawn-out sigh, with a reluctant nod. "Fine…" he said, more as a way to placate his friend than anything else. "Maybe you're right."

Across the room, he heard Bonnie's excited laugh, and his eyes were immediately drawn to it. His stomach dropped; there was Elena, looking as lovely and as poised as ever. Her usually straight long hair was cut to her shoulders and fell in loose curls. And for some reason, he found himself slowly walking over.

"What are you doing here?" Bonnie asked in surprise as she pulled out of the hug. "I thought you weren't coming until the wedding?"

"Did you honestly think that I was going to let you plan this whole thing without me? Dress fittings, rehearsal dinner, the bachelorette party? I wouldn't' miss it for the world. The perks of running your own business, you can take time off whenever you want. Aaron will fly out the weekend of the wedding so until then, I am all yours for two whole months." She smiled happily until her eyes were pulled away to see Damon approaching. Suddenly her smile fell and looked nervous. "Hello Damon."

"Elena." He nodded once. "Good to see you."

She reeled back, a little wary of his polite greeting. She was expecting something snarky, or inappropriate. "It's good to see you too." She turned back to Bonnie. "I'm going to grab a drink; I'll be right back."

Damon's eyes never let Bonnie, who was looking at him impressed. She slapped his arm playfully. "See? That's all I wanted."

He chuckled. "Maturity…who knew I had it in me?"

She smiled at him gratefully. "I did. Thank you, Damon. I don't think you know how much it means to me that you and her get along right now."

His gaze dropped to the ground. "Yeah, I know." When he looked up, he saw a warmth in her eyes that was usually reserved for her friends.

She eyed him curiously. "Is everything okay? Are you okay? I mean, I know we aren't really friends, but if you want to talk about it-"

He shook his head vehemently. "No, no we're not doing that." He snapped. "We're not friends…and the last thing I want to do is start sharing my feelings like I'm one of your besties. I'm being civil; that's as good as it gets." He walked off leaving her standing there in shock at his outburst.

He didn't even want to see the hurt look on her face when he snapped at her, but the truth was, being her friend was harder than not being her friend. He had spent years doing everything he could to push her away but for some reason she still tried, and that made it even worse.