"OI! LOVEBIRDS!" Michelle shouted towards Orla and Niall, interrupting a kiss. "Lovin' time's over! We gots to get the fuck outta here!"
"What did ye do now, Michelle?" Niall asked with a chuckle.
"No fuckin' time to explain, Wank Features!" she shouted back. "Just shift yer fuckin' holes!"
The four of them ran to Fin's car, the fidgety ginger fella rummaging for his keys.
"Stall the ball!" Niall exclaimed. "Where exactly are we goin'? We all got different drop off points, and 2 cars."
"Shit!" Michelle exclaimed.
Just then, Erin, James, Clare and Laurie came running out the front door; panic all over their faces. They stopped by the car they'd driven there.
"What the hell happened in there!?" James shouted.
"I don't know!" Erin shouted. "Sweet Jesus, but I never heard such a terrifyin' sound!"
"It was fuckin' banshee, I swear to God!" Clare shouted.
"This common with ye lot!?" Laurie chuckled.
"Oi!" Michelle shouted to get their attention. "Where the fuck we takin' everyone!?"
"I... um... c-c-can take Niall and Laurie where they need to go," Fin answered.
"Grand!" Michelle exclaimed. "Rest of us will shift it to Erin's!"
The Girls said goodbye to the partners that weren't coming along to the Quinn household, then shifted themselves big Gerry's car. Erin took the passenger seat next to James (still the only driver among them), with the rest in the back.
"Why were all you's runnin' and screamin' like that?" Orla asked.
"Ye didn't hear that blood curdlin' fuckin' scream?" Michelle asked in disbelief.
"Niall and I were out in Jenny's backyard," Orla shrugged.
"Why?" Erin asked.
The wee English fella noticed from the rear view mirror that Orla didn't want to talk about it.
"Guessing that other loud noise before the scream factored into," said James, hoping that'd be a good enough excuse.
"Oh right, I almost forgot about that," said Erin. "What in under God was it?"
"The speakers suddenly exploded," answered Orla.
"Sweet Jesus," said Erin. "Is that what caused the scream?"
"No, I think the scream happened after," answered James. "Who was that?"
"It was Jenny Joyce," replied Michelle. "Somethin' had her howlin' like a fuckin' banshee."
"Jesus, Michelle!" Clare shrieked. "What did ye do now!?"
"What the fuck makes you's think it's my fault!?" Michelle shouted back.
"Cuz ye knew who it was!" answered Erin.
"Only cuz I saw her screamin'!" Michelle retorted.
"And how did ye happen to see her!?" Clare questioned.
"Enough!" James interrupted. "Let's calm down and piece together what all happened."
What Happened: Erin & James
"Wow," panted Erin. "That was class!"
"Yeah," panted James. "Absolutely brilliant!"
The young couple were basking in the afterglow of consummating their relationship. They were both lying flat on their backs, big smiles plastered on their faces.
"You feel ok?" he asked, turning to look at his girlfriend.
"Aye! Grand! Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, propping herself up a little on her elbows.
"I just heard the first time can hurt," he shrugged.
"I mean... it did start off a wee bit uncomfortable," she admitted. "But, ye still took how I felt into consideration. I heard horror stories from other girls, sayin' the fellas that took their virginities just stuck it in without any sort of foreplay. Plus they didn't ask how they were after. Ye're a cracker boyfriend, James."
"Thanks, Erin," he smiled. "You're a cracker girlfriend."
The two leaned in for a tender kiss, smiling widely at each other when their lips parted.
"Um... not to spoil the mood," Erin cringed. "But... what are we gonna do about the sheets?"
"I actually have a pretty good idea for that," James answered with a smirk.
The wee English fella slipped on his boxers and pants, then picked up a bottle of red wine and a glass he'd brought in the room with them. The petite blonde sat up with the sheet still covering her, eyebrow arched in confusion.
"Ye're idea is to get pished?" she questioned.
"Not exactly," he chuckled. "Might wanna get off the bed though.
Erin slipped her underwear and dress back on while James poured the glass to the top with red wine. The wee English fella gave his girlfriend a smirk and a wink, which she still wasn't understanding. Suddenly, he tossed the glass onto the mattress, causing her to go bug eyed.
"Jesus Christ!" she exclaimed. "What the hell are ye doin'!"
"Well, shit! Would you look at that," he exclaimed in an exaggerated fashion. "Some silly partygoer has come into this room and spilled perfectly good red wine all over this lovely bedding!"
She looked at the bed again and it finally clicked with her what her wee English fella was doing.
Erin gave a joyful shriek and wrapped her arms around James, planting a few kisses on him.
"That is absolutely brilliant, it is!" she exclaimed with a big smile.
"I have my moments," he replied taking a little nod.
"Wish ye'd had that back at me great aunt Bridie's wake with those drug scones," she chuckled.
"I didn't see any of you coming up with a better idea," he retorted. "Except for Orla suggesting we smuggle them up our..."
"Fine, fine! Fair enough," she admitted. "Seriously though, this was a cracker evenin'.
"Best night of my life," he replied with a smirk.
The two shared another deep kiss, which soon got interrupted by an incredibly loud noise.
"What the hell was that!?" Erin asked, eyes bulging again.
"Sounds like something blew up," answered James.
They looked out into the hallway to see guests were starting to leave.
"Guess the party's over," she sighed.
"There'll be others," he shrugged, which made her blush.
"There most certainly will be," she replied in a slightly seductive manner.
As they leaned in for another kiss, the mood was broken by a different sort of noise.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" came a blood curdling scream from some other part of the house.
"JESUS CHRIST!" Erin and James shouted in unison.
The two immediately started heading towards the front door, when they saw Michelle and Fin going towards the back door, both also looking disheveled like them. They could see Orla and Niall were sitting on a bench in Jenny's backyard.
"OI! LOVEBIRDS!" she exclaimed. "Lovin' time's over! We gots to get the fuck outta here!"
"What did ye do now, Michelle?" Niall asked with a chuckle.
"No fuckin' time to explain, Wank Features!" she shouted back. "Just shift yer fuckin' holes!"
Back in the car Michelle was groaning.
"Jesus, we didn't need to know you's two rode each other, for fucks sake!" She exclaimed.
"We didn't give any details!" Erin retorted.
"I still didn't need to know!" Michelle shot back.
"And you and YER Fin weren't gettin' up to funny business?" Erin questioned.
"I wasn't gonna fuckin' kiss and tell!" Michelle shouted.
"That'd be a first!" Erin chuckled.
"Kiss my actual hole!" Michelle shouted.
"Why did James need to spill wine on the bed?" Orla asked.
"Shut up, Orla!" exclaimed Erin.
"Enough!" Clare chimed in. "We're nowhere near figurin' out why Jenny was howlin' like a banshee! Although... I might have an idea what causes all this..."
What Happened: Clare & Laurie
Clare and Laurie were holding each other under some overs. The wee lesbian had a very satisfied look on her face.
"Oh my god," Clare sighed. "I had no idea it could feel that good!"
"Helps to do it with someone's who's had a wee bit of practice," Laurie shrugged.
"And just how much practice have ye had?" Clare questioned.
"Relax, love," Laurie chuckled. "The lezzie population isn't all that big around here, as ye're fully aware."
"Aye... that is a fair point," Clare admitted, blushing a bit.
"We should probably get back down to the party," sighed Laurie.
"I s'pose so," Clare sighed in reluctant agreement.
Once the two were back in their clothes, and heading out of the room, they heard and extremely loud noise.
"What in under God was that!?" Clare shrieked.
"Sounded like a speaker blow out to me," replied Laurie.
"What caused that to happen?" Clare asked nervously.
"Lots of things can cause it to happen," Laurie shrugged. She then noticed Clare looking nervous. "Ye alright?"
"I just... had this random thought that it was our fault," Clare admitted.
"Why?" Laurie asked.
"Cuz of what we just did," Clare answered. "God sees all, ye know? And I hear people say he's not keen on people like us..."
Are you's for real right now?" Laurie chuckled. "Listen, Clare, if there is a God, I doubt he gives a shit what two consenting adults do in private."
"What do ye mean if?" Clare asked.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" came a blood curdling scream from some other part of the house.
"SWEET AND MERCIFUL JESUS, IT'S A BANSHEE! Clare shrieked.
"What the fuck, Clare!?" Laurie questioned.
"We gotta shift it now b'fore one of us ends up dead!" Clare continued to shriek.
"Fuckin' hell!" Laurie sighed.
The two immediately started heading towards the front door, when they saw Michelle and Fin going towards the back door, both also looking disheveled like them. They could see Orla and Niall were sitting on a bench in Jenny's backyard.
"OI! LOVEBIRDS!" she exclaimed. "Lovin' time's over! We gots to get the fuck outta here!"
"What did you's do now, Michelle?" Niall asked with a chuckle.
"No fuckin' time to explain, Wank Features!" she shouted back. "Just shift yer fuckin' holes!"
"Jesus, Clare," groaned Erin. "A banshee? Seriously?"
"Fuck-a-doodle-do!" Michelle chuckled.
"Do banshees not like lezzies?" Orla asked.
"I seriously doubt banshees are prejudice against lesbians, Orla!" Clare answered.
"Yes, that's the takeaway from all this," James said quietly.
"I was just a wee bit panicked at the time!" Clare retorted.
"A wee bit?" Michelle chuckled. "Fuck me, but ye were in full on cack attack mode."
"Alright! I admit it wasn't me most shining moment!" Clare groaned. "Can we now just get to what caused Jenny Joyce to scream her lungs out?"
"You's lot are gonna fuckin' love this!" Michelle cackled.
What Happened: Michelle & Fin
Michelle and Fin were sweaty mess after what they just did. They were both panting like mad, the feisty, frizzy haired Derry Girl resting her head on her fidgety ginger fella's chest.
"That... um... th-th-that was," Fin fumbled to say. "Oh my god!"
"Better than doin' it by yerself, aye?" Michelle chuckled.
"N-n-o arguments there!" he exclaimed. "You were... um... incredible!"
"Thank ye very much," she smirked, leaning in to give him a kiss. "Ye weren't so bad yerself."
"R-r-really?" he asked skeptically.
"Aye! I wouldn't bullshit ye!" she exclaimed. "Ye're only the third fella I've probably done the deed with."
"Oh... um... I see," he gulped.
"Did ye think it'd be more than that?" she cheekily asked while wiggling her eyebrows.
"Well... um... y-y-ye know... um... fellas talk," he admitted. "B-b-but I still don't care about that!"
"Calm the fuck down, Fin," she chuckled. "I know ye're not judgin' me. Ye're far too class for that."
That comment made her fella blush.
"Look... if we're talking number of fellas I've fooled around with, I can't really count that," Michelle admitted.
"O-o-ok," Fin nodded.
"But, I'll tell ye somethin' I think'll really make ye feel cracker," she smirked.
"What?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Of all the fellas I've been with... ye're definitely the most gifted down there," she said the last part in a more sultry tone.
"R-r-really?" he asked in disbelief.
"I wouldn't lie to my fella," she retorted. "Especially the fella I love."
"I love ye too," he replied softly.
The two leaned in for a kiss, with Michelle letting out some satisfying moans. She then flipped the sheet off, giving her fella quite the view.
"Think ye can go another round?" she cheekily asked.
"Seriously, Michelle!" Erin exclaimed. "Ye said ye weren't gonna kiss and tell!"
"Oi! I didn't interrupt yer story!" Michelle retorted.
"I wasn't braggin' about the size of me partner's..." Erin was about to say.
"Ok! I think that's as far as we need to go!" James chimed in.
"Agreed!" Clare exclaimed.
"Aye, I really don't need to know what goes on in either of yer fella's trousers," agreed Orla.
"I hope ye remember what ye just said, Orla!" Michelle exclaimed. "Cuz I don't wanna know about yer fella either!"
"I haven't even seen Niall's yet," Orla shrugged nonchalantly.
"Not my fuckin' point!" Michelle groaned.
"Let's just get back to the main point of all this, for the love of God!" Clare exclaimed.
"Oh! Cuz he's yer brother!" Orla realized.
"Alright! Back to the story now!" Michelle exclaimed.
Michelle and Fin were lying in bed, her body on full display for her fella.
"Think ye can go another round?" she cheekily asked.
"I... um... m-m-maybe could," he fumbled to say.
The moment was then interrupted by an extremely loud noise.
"What the fuck was that!?" she exclaimed, sitting up.
"S-s-sounds like something blew up," he replied.
"Somethin' tells me this party's endin" she sighed. "We better shift it."
Michelle was out of the room first, having a lot less to put back on, when she bumped into Jenny Joyce.
"Oh shit! Sorry Jenny," said Michelle. "Didn't see ye there."
"It's no trouble at all, Michelle," Jenny replied in a chipper, yet exhausted tone. "Things got a wee chaotic downstairs."
"Aye, I'm sure everyone in the house heard that," Michelle agreed. "What the hell was that?"
"Ach! One of the speakers on the sound system just suddenly blew up!" Jenny explained, using arm gestures to simulate an explosion.
"Fuck me, that's wild!" Michelle exclaimed with a chuckle.
"It was indeed shocking!" Jenny agreed. "David Donnelly claimed they were top of the line! I have no idea where he went off too either! He just disappeared who knows how long ago!"
"Unprofessional of him, it is," Michelle scoffed.
"It is!" Jenny agreed. "It is very unprofessional! I might just have to change the agreed upon fee!"
"Can't let 'em walk all over ye," agrees Michelle. "By the way... thanks again for earlier at the dance, hi."
"No problem at all, Michelle!" Jenny exclaimed. "I'm glad ye could make it to my soirée!"
"Stall the ball," interrupted Clare. "So, Jenny didn't catch ye and Fin?"
"I told you's all that weren't me!" Michelle exclaimed. "I'd be braggin' about that shit!"
"Aye, that makes way more sense, it does," said Orla.
"Then what caused her to scream like that?" Erin asked.
"I'd get to it faster if you's all stopped fuckin' interruptin' me!" Michelle exclaimed.
Michelle saw Jenny stop in front of a door not far from them, figuring it must be her room. She opened the door and suddenly froze in place.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" came a blood curdling scream from the party host.
"What in under God was that!?" Fin exclaimed as he stepped into the hallway, clothes still disheveled.
"No fuckin' idea!" Michelle answered the best she could over the scream.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE RISEN JESUS ARE YOU'S TWO DOIN'!?" Jenny continued to scream.
Michelle peaked ever so slightly to get a better look, her eyes bulging at the site. It was none other than Jenny's best friend/sidekick, Aisling O'Connell! She was on what one could assume was Jenny's bed, body intertwined with David Donnelly of all people!
"J-J-Jenny!?" Aisling exclaimed, turning beet red.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOIN' ON!" Jenny continued to scream.
"I think that's pretty feckin' obvious, Joyce," David shrugged as if this was nothing.
"GET OOOOUUUUTTTT!" Jenny screamed, sounding a lot like a certain shopkeep.
Michelle yanked her fella by the collar and they ran to the firer floor. She then noticed Orla and Niall in Jenny's backyard, sharing a wee snog.
"OI! LOVEBIRDS!" she exclaimed. "Lovin' time's over! We gots to get the fuck outta here!"
"What did ye do now, Michelle?" Niall asked with a chuckle.
"No fuckin' time to explain, Wank Features!" she shouted back. "Just shift yer fuckin' holes!"
Michelle had a big smirk on her face, while everyone else in the car looked extremely shocked.
"I cannot actually believe this," said Erin.
"Ye're absolutely sure that's who it was?" Clare asked.
"There was absolutely no mistaken it," Michelle answered. "Always the quiet ones, eh?"
"Good lord," was all James managed to say.
"Oooohhh! I get it now!" Orla exclaimed. "The red wine was to cover up the blood stain from Erin's first time!"
"Sweet sufferin' Jesus, Orla," Erin groaned.
Michelle laughed her head off the rest of the drive to Erin's house.