To the End of Our Days

by kroland

"We fly," Leia told him, and that was one order Han was happy to accept. A snap decision changes the course of their lives and the lives of others around the galaxy. An AU set three years after ROTJ that tries to answer the question: what happens when we discover we're not the person we thought we were?

5. Chapter 5

"Remember that prank we pulled with the water stores?"

"That doesn't ring a bell. What water stores?"

"You remember. I know you do."

"What base was it?"

"Talrezan Four. Real early on. We were only there for a month or so."

"Oh, now I remember. The silos were right outside the medcenter windows. I was sick when we arrived and had to spend a couple of days in bed. Then when I recovered you and Wedge and Hobbie told me we were going to divert the water that ran to a certain general's quarters. I thought you were nuts."

"Don't know why you thought I was nuts. It wasn't my idea. I just needed something to do. It was dull as dirt on Talrezan Four."

"You provided the rubber tubes. I remember that."

"And Hobbie finally got to use those welding torches he always carried with him."

"Why did he have those? It never made any sense to me."

"And we hooked the tubes up to the water supply. Took off the outflow pipes and hid them somewhere."

"In the junk corner behind the shed, if I remember."

"Nah, we wouldn't have put them there. Would've been too obvious of a place for Jan to look."

"Boy was he mad."

"Who could blame him? His morning shower that day consisted of citron juice, pond water, and rubbing alcohol."

"And then he ran out of his quarters wearing only his shorts and a bathrobe."

"He stunk for days afterwards. I remember that."

"He almost threw us out of the fleet."

"Only your shot on the Death Star saved us from that fate."

"That shot saved my ass a lot of times."

"Saved our ass, you mean. Don't forget who made it possible."

"As if you'd ever let me forget." Luke sat back in the booth as a nostalgic smile came over his face. "Did we really wake up at four in the morning to pull off that prank?"

"'Course we did. It was the only way to do it."

"Wedge almost ruined it by laughing so much."

"That could apply to a lot of the pranks we pulled."

With that a lull settled over the table. Dinner had wrapped up an hour ago but the plates remained and the glasses had been drained several times over. The two men had started reminiscing non-stop since the moment they had sat down and Leia thought back to what Han had said to her a few days ago: Maybe I want to see him. He is my friend after all.

Just for that alone she would have been happy to have Luke on board the Falcon with them. But when her brother had climbed up the ramp like a clear-eyed seer emerging from the foggy environs of Dantooine, it surprised her how much he lifted her spirits by just being there. In fact, it was difficult to recall why she had been so worried about his visit in the first place.

And now all Leia could think about was how many days they could keep him. She knew he had responsibilities to return to and had others relying on him for his hard work and expertise alike. She wasn't sure how much time he took off for himself – she would need to ask him that, she mentally noted, as well as other details about his current situation – but surely no one would begrudge him a mini-vacation with his sister.

"What about you, Leia?" Luke was asking. "What were you doing while all those shenanigans were taking place?"

"No doubt carrying out the real work that took place on Talrezan Four," she tossed back to him. "Somebody had to."

"Sure you were," Han said slyly. "You were the one who provided the schematics for the base's plumbing in the first place. Without those we never would've been able to target Jan's 'fresher specifically."

"I may have been under the false impression that actual improvements were going to be made to the plumbing," Leia sniffed. The two men raised their eyebrows until her sabacc face cracked into a smile. "But then when you told me the real reason you needed them..."

"You couldn't help yourself," Luke chimed in. "You had to get involved. You can't fool us, Lei. Not me and Han. We've known you for too long."

"Yes, I guess you have," she agreed. Her cheeks were starting to ache from smiling so much. Suddenly she longed to have more of this – more friendships and camaraderie built around a shared aim that would bond the participants to each other for life and result in stories shared years later over a home-cooked meal. It was a part of the Rebellion she had taken for granted at the time, or at least never focused on long enough to reflect on the benefits it provided. She had dearly missed that companionship, she realized, over the past few years.

When Leia refocused on Han and Luke she detected something of an awkwardness between the two men, as if an unspoken communication had taken place. Han stood up abruptly and cleared his throat. "I'm going to clean up. You two stay here." He stacked the plates and utensils and headed for the galley. "I got some kaf cordials if anyone's interested," he called back to them.

"I think that's our cue," Leia said wryly.

"Yes, well." Luke chuckled and threw one last glance in the direction of his friend. "I'm glad to see the two of you doing so well. You especially."

"We are doing well," Leia agreed. "There have been some tense moments, but thankfully those are few and far between. It's a big change, doing what we're doing, but so far everything has gone smoothly."

Luke settled his forearms on the table and rested his eyes on her. "And what are you doing, exactly? Besides moseying along in the galactic slow lane."

"Don't let Han hear that." Even Luke's questions couldn't put a damper on her mood. "We're seeing old friends. We're on the lookout for opportunities. The entire galaxy is open to us and we can choose anything we want. It's very freeing, actually."

"I'm glad to hear it."

Leia's senses pricked in anticipation of a less-than-positive judgement from her brother but either he hid it well or he actually did agree with her decision.

"I'm not lying to you, Leia," Luke said reproachfully. "I think you need this. You had no real break after the war and jumped right into the new government. I always thought Mon should have insisted you take some time off before starting under her."

Leia bristled at that. "I don't need anyone to tell me to take time off or to do anything else, as a matter of fact. I started working right away because I wanted to. I was on a high from winning the war – we all were, even you," she added pointedly. "I was eager to get started on what I had been working toward. And settling down with Han felt like a dream come true at the time."

"And it's not now?"

"That's not what I meant. Of course it is. Nothing has changed between me and Han." The drinks had left her a little muddled, she reflected. "Just that – things change. That's what I discovered, I guess. I changed; at least I must have. Otherwise how could this have happened? How could I have just up and quit a job I had worked toward my entire life?"

Instead of responding Luke studied her silently. She felt he was waiting for her to answer her own question, a question she hadn't expected to voice. How could this have happened? The steps that led to her decision seemed in this moment impossible to decipher. The meaning was hidden from her. It had just happened. And it was too late for her to do anything about it now.

"Things change," Luke said finally. "Maybe that's all it is."

"Is that it? That feels inadequate somehow."

"Change is inevitable," Luke said. "But it doesn't necessarily mean you've become someone else. You're more than just your job, Leia."

I guess so, Leia thought. She took a breath to say something – she wasn't sure what – but then Han appeared back in the lounge.

"So." The siblings looked up at him and under their twin gazes he seemed at a momentary loss of words. Forcing a smile, he wiped his hands on his pants. "Did the two of you decide on a casino?"

---

When they touched down in the Cantonica capital city, Han found himself uncharacteristically dazed. The quiet luxury of Galmorra, the serene wilds of Kashyyyk, the mountainous isolation of Alledia, not to say the weeks and weeks spent on his ship absent any distraction over a moderately noisy instrument: those settings had completely unprepared him for the tidal wave of cacophony and neon that hit him when he stepped out of the speeder. He stood gazing around at the throngs of beings partaking in the pleasures of Canto Bight and found himself feeling like an outer-sector rube visiting the big city for the first time.

Recovering himself, he turned back toward their vehicle to hold the door open for Leia. She stepped out of the speeder garbed in an elegant floor-length dress with a plunging neckline. Shimmering sequins wove sinuously around the bodice in an otherworldly pattern. Her hair was piled up high on her head save a few wispy tendrils that brushed her shoulders and her back was bare, the dress being held up only by the flimsiest of fabrics secured around her neck. Han thought she looked absolutely stunning and reflected that in true Leia fashion she had stashed this outfit on his ship for months without giving him even the slightest hint of its existence.

Leia smiled up at him and impulsively he offered her his arm. She accepted it and motioned for Luke to accompany her on her other side. Leaving the speeder drop-off area, they proceeded to stroll over a moat and under a drawbridge and made their way to the entrance of Flavia's Castle.

When Leia and Luke had informed him of their choice of casino, Han had immediately tried to talk them out of it. There was nothing cheesier on all of Cantonica than Flavia's Castle, he had argued. It was a tourist trap, a magnet for Canto Bight newbies who wanted the thrill of gambling but were too frightened of the real thing, too hesitant to partake in the truly risky experience that awaited those courageous enough to summon their nerve.

"We're not gonna come across anyone interesting in Flavia's Castle," he had insisted back on the Falcon. "The gangsters, the crooks, the shady characters – all those types avoid places like that. It'll be as boring as hell."

Luke winked at his sister. "Remember when that used to be a good thing? When we tried our damnedest not to frequent joints crawling with gangsters and crooks and spies?"

"How times change." Leia shook her head sadly. "Who are you and what have you done with Han Solo?"

"Fine, have it your way," Han grumbled. "We'll go to Capital Corny Casino and play bingo all night long if that's what you want."

To add insult to injury, Leia then revealed she had booked the three of them for an immersive experience that promised to whisk guests back in time to the golden age of Cantonica and which Han had no doubt would thoroughly wring every last drop out of ye olden days and spit it back out on the hapless participants.

"The idea was to have fun," he protested. "Being trapped in dinner theater for hours is the exact opposite of fun."

"I kind of want to go," Luke said. "Where else would you get to see a show like that?"

"There will be plenty of time for gambling afterwards," Leia assured her husband.

"Think of the stories we'll be able to tell," Luke added.

"It will bring you good luck, I promise," Leia insisted.

Han threw up his hands. "All right, all right, you win, both of you. But I'm not dressing up."

The interior of Flavia's Castle was built to simulate a cavernous stone hall. Tables of various card games dominated the center and were ringed by slot machines and low-stake dice games. But even in a casino like this the real gambling took place elsewhere. Discreet corridors led to smaller, more private rooms that served top-tier liquor and guaranteed every player a personal server as long as they could meet the minimum ante requirement. Hovering over the all the activity floated a holo-image of Flavia herself: queen of the slot-addict, temptress of the card-sharks, bearer of luck both good and bad.

They strolled around the floor, stopping every so often to eavesdrop on a particularly tense game of sabbac, until Leia steered them toward a line of trumpeting jesters and fake knights holding aloft swords. Ducking under a tunnel of sorts, they soon emerged into a large room dominated by a single rectangular table with dozens of high-backed chairs arranged on either side. Billowing banners hung from the stone walls and musicians thrummed their instruments on a backlit stage. Beings of every race and creed streamed in and started to take their seats.

"I'm setting my timer," Han announced. "You get two hours and then I'm making my escape."

Ninety minutes and a Hutt-sized portion of food later, the guests had been subjected to an entertainment panorama featuring singing waiters, juggling jesters, and acrobats dangling from the ceiling. Now that the official festivities had completed, the guests stood up and stretched their legs and mingled with their fellow diners; a few had kicked off the dancing portion of the evening. Luke was deep in discussion with his neighbor and Han had wandered off only to be accosted on the other side of the room by someone who appeared to be a fan. At least he looked alert and interested in the conversation, Leia thought. The jugs of mead were starting to make her head buzz and she blinked at the table to reorient herself. Seated in one of the chairs across from her was a Twi'lek. She was looking at Leia so intently that she wondered if they had met before.

Leia's head cleared when the music slowed in tempo. She was watching as more couples made their way to the dance floor when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Would my lady care for a dance?"

"You always find a way to surprise me," she told Han as he led her from the table. "Or did you happen to exhaust your complaints for the night?"

"Nah, I got some more locked and loaded." He spanned his hand across her back and pulled her into a slow waltz. "Just waiting for the right moment to fire them off."

Leia wrapped her arms around his neck and gazed up at him dreamily. "Remember that night on Hoth? When we danced outside my room?"

"How could I forget?"

"I remember I had been angry at you –"

"No surprise there."

"—and then you appeared at my door and took my hand. Unlike tonight, you didn't even ask."

"If there's one thing I aim for, it's to keep you off balance. I figured out long ago that's the only way you'll stay interested in me."

Leia rose on her toes and kissed him on the lips. "That's not true in the least and you know it."

"So does that mean we can leave now and go someplace fun?"

Smiling, Leia shook her head and nestled her head under Han's chin. Around them couples whirled in time to the music. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Luke still in conversation with one of the other diners. She felt drowsy and relaxed and very, very content.

Han lowered his head to her ear. "I think one of the other guests is interested in you. Or in us."

Leia turned discreetly to see the Twi'lek from their table watching her and Han. She was dancing with a Bothan who had assumed a weary, put-upon expression Leia instantly recognized.

"She sat across from us at the table," Leia whispered. "She was looking at me there too. Do you recognize her?"

"I don't think so." He steered them across the dance floor. "But who knows? We could've run into her years ago."

"Maybe it's you she's interested in."

"I hope not. One woman who drags me to occasions like this is more than enough."

They finished the song and danced one more before Leia excused herself to the 'fresher. She was washing her hands at the sink when the Twi'lek came out of the adjoining sani stall. Approaching the sink, she glanced at Leia in the mirror. Leia smiled benignly back and searched through her purse for her lipstick. When she refocused in the mirror, she saw the Twi'lek still studying her with a smile.

"Can I help you?"

The Twi'lek waited a beat before answering. "Not yet. But maybe later."

It was a harmless come-on, Leia figured. Something that happened in a place like this. She concentrated on her lipstick and soon heard the water running next to her.

"Are you staying here overnight?" the Twi'lek asked a moment later. She was drying her hands slowly, her eyes still on Leia.

"I haven't decided yet," Leia replied crisply. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. The rooms are nice but perhaps not quite up to your standards."

Leia felt as if she were missing a vital piece of information that would make the conversation make sense. "Have we met before?"

"No," her neighbor replied. "But my friend out there had some experience with your outfit during the war."

That was certainly no surprise given all the intelligence exchanged with the Bothans. "Well, I'm glad he made it to the other side," Leia said.

"Yes," the Twi'lek said airily. "Though according to him there might be another one coming."

"Another war?"

"Perhaps."

Leia snapped her purse shut. "Wars just don't sneak up on you," she said. She felt annoyed all of a sudden, as if her years in the Rebellion were being dismissed as a dalliance. "It's a deliberate commitment, on both sides, comprised of many actions that can go either way."

"That's helpful advice." The Twi'lek smiled ingratiatingly. "We'll be sure to keep it in mind."

Who is this we? Leia was tempted to ask. And then she thought, This is going nowhere. After checking her reflection one last time she started for the door. "Have a nice night," she called over her shoulder.

The voice, smug and unhurried, floated back to her. "You too, Princess."

Back in ye olde hall Leia craned her head for the two men until she spotted her brother standing by himself.

"Where's Han?" She had an odd feeling something was going to happen. Something not-so-great, as Han might say.

"He just left. Said he'd put in enough time here and went off in search of the sabacc tables."

"Figures," Leia muttered. But then she remembered their dancing and her husband's effort in coming to this dinner in the first place. She also remembered there were recent events in Luke's life she didn't know much about and that this was the perfect opportunity to learn more. "Let's find someplace quiet to talk," she suggested to her brother. "And you can fill me in on how everything's going with you."

---

"And I've been on Dantooine ever since," Luke was saying. "So long now it's starting to feel like home."

They were seated on a cushioned nook tucked under a stone archway. It was the quietest corner in the casino and a welcome relief from the crowds that had mushroomed as the night slipped into the wee hours.

"It sounds like you'll be staying there for a while," Leia commented.

"I think so. It's not what I had planned on doing at this point after the war but it turns out to be a good fit."

"And what exactly did you have planned?"

"Oh, I don't know." Her brother had that faraway look in his eyes again. "More training for myself so I could go deeper into the Force. Those efforts can last a lifetime if that sort of thing appeals to you. But then I was offered the job as an instructor for young Jedi starting out. I turned it down initially; it was much too soon, I thought, for me to teach anyone. I wasn't qualified in the least."

"But you learned as you went."

"Yes, I've definitely learned, and my students are the better for it. But I also came to realize you don't need to be as formally prepared as you might think. Doing something, rather than thinking about it, is almost always the better option."

"Wise you have become, Master Luke."

Luke laughed. "I'm glad we can joke about this. It makes me even more certain about the path I've chosen."

"And I am glad you're settled in your life." And Leia was, really. It gave her an affectionate pride to see someone she loved successful and at peace.

Luke gave her a sidelong glance. "It could be your path too, if you wanted."

Leia shook her head. "I don't have the interest in training as a Jedi. I never have."

"I know. I've never tried to push you for that reason. I just want you to find what you need, especially now. You're young and you're talented. I know there's something out there waiting for you."

Leia recalled her conversation with the Twi'lek. "Maybe events will find me," she said. "Luke... do you think another war is coming?"

"Another war?" Leia felt his surprise and then her own relief at his reaction. "I haven't had that sense, no. There's turmoil out there, I suppose; it's a big galaxy, there always is, somewhere. And perhaps New Republic politics will change not to our liking, at least on the larger scale. But there are lots of planets out there making their own way in a peaceful, democratic fashion. It's not up to us to determine what happens to everyone else, Lei."

"And yet during the Rebellion it felt like it was up to us, didn't it? As if so much was riding on so few. Like your shot on the first Death Star. Without that we would have been lost."

"Those moments are rare," the Jedi replied. "And most of our lives are composed of the small steps that build to something larger over time." He studied her. "Is that what you're tired of? The small steps? Are you looking for the one big action that pushes history into a new era?"

"I wonder if I am," she admitted. "Although it feels arrogant to say that. Is it selfish, to leave the tedious work to others and seek out the grand move for yourself?"

Before Luke could answer Han materialized next to them and sank slowly onto the bench.

"The conquering hero returns," quipped Luke. "How was your luck?"

"Not good. In fact," Han stared straight ahead, looking neither at Leia nor Luke, "I lost quite a bit of money."

The twins were quiet for a moment. "Maybe you're just out of practice," suggested Luke.

"Yeah," muttered Han. He stood up and started for the main hall. "Let's get outta here."

"I'll play a round," Leia offered. "Try to win back some of what you lost."

"That would take all night, even if you were on a hot streak."

The reality of what he was saying started to sink in. She hurried to catch up to his long strides. "Just how much money did you lose anyway?"

"Enough. A lot."

They wound their way around tables until the casino entrance was in sight. "Do I even want to know how much?" Leia demanded.

Han turned and glared at her. "No. You don't."

Kriff. She had never seen her husband this worked up over a gambling loss. And they had been having such a good time earlier in the night. What had he been thinking, going cold into those tables?

They reached the casino entrance and hurried under the drawbridge into the night. A light rain was falling and Luke busied himself searching for a speeder.

"I'm sure it will be fine," Leia said. "We have plenty of money stashed away."

"Not as much as you think," Han shot back. "Have you checked our finances recently, Leia? Do you even know how much is in our account?"

"Well." Leia frowned. She hadn't seen the point of checking their balance. Despite being unemployed for months their expenses were minimal as long as they were living on the ship. They couldn't have drained their safety net already, could they?

"'Cause it's not a lot, Leia. Not nearly as much as we had before. You know, during those years when we were both working and earning an income."

Leia felt her ire rise. "We'll work again. We can't have gone through all of our savings already. And we still have the investments."

"And those won't last long either with what the markets have been doing. Or are you not aware of that also?" He stamped his feet on the wet pavement. "We shouldn't have turned down Lando's offer. I don't know what I was thinking, telling him we didn't need the work. I'll comm him and tell him we changed our mind."

"No," Leia said sharply. "I'm not working for Lando. We'll figure something out soon."

"Who's this we?" Han was practically yelling now and other tourists in front of the casino instinctively backed away from what they judged to be a lovers' quarrel. "I'm not the one who up and quit my job and got us into this situation in the first place. Why should I be the one to solve it?"

"Well, I'm not the one who gambled away our life savings in a few hours! And you supported me when I quit. You've supported me this entire time."

"Come on, you two," Luke interjected. "We'll talk it through on the Falcon. Our ride's almost here."

"You didn't exactly give me a choice, Leia. You came home one day and made your pronouncement that you had quit your job and we were leaving. What choice did I have? I quit my job, too, remember? A job I was good at. And I followed you because that is what I do. You said we had to leave and we left. And where did it get us?"

"It will get us somewhere," Leia insisted. "I know it will. If I wasn't convinced of that then I wouldn't have done it in the first place."

"I don't believe that for a moment. You don't have anything planned; you never did. You make decisions on pure impulse, Leia. And gods help anyone – me, Mon, anyone – who gets in your way."

Leia stared at him in disbelief. "I gave everything I had to the New Republic. Everything. And before that, for the Alliance. And for you, for us. I gave everything I had and now you accuse me of thinking only of myself?"

"Yeah, I do, because you're just as selfish as the rest of us. Maybe more so. And the sad thing is that you don't even realize it. How exactly did you think this plan of yours would end?"

"Then maybe you should have been honest with me! Back home, before we started this trip, before it was too late."

"Honest." Han nodded grimly. "You wanna talk about honesty? If you're so honest, why didn't you give me a single fucking hint about what you were gonna do? What are you planning to spring on me next, Leia? Did you sell my ship? Adopt an orphan? Do I get any say in our lives? In my life?"

"Into the speeder. Now." Luke pushed them firmly toward the raised cab door. "Be quiet, both of you. You've embarrassed yourselves enough already."

Under the Jedi's instructions they folded themselves into the speeder, one on either side of him. Han muttered something under his breath that Leia didn't catch. Her brother had a stranglehold on her arm and she bit her lip to keep from talking. Even she knew by now there was no point.

They rode in silence. Outside the window neon lights flickered and danced, mocking the atmosphere inside the speeder. Leia thought of nothing, nothing at all. Her heart and lungs had bottomed out to a place of fury and dread and when her brain started working again a single coherent thought surfaced to consciousness: Now what?