Disclaimer: This chapter gets steamy.
Embry's POV
Before I even open my eyes, there's a grin on my face. Coming to, I feel a warmth at my back and before I'm fully awake my first thought of the day is 'Winnie.'
As gently as I can, I roll over to her side.
"You're awake." Winnie grins at me over a mug of tea. My head jerks off the pillow, it takes a lot of energy I don't have yet to narrow my heavy eyes at her.
"You're awake?" My voice comes out thick and heavy with sleep.
"Since nine thirty." Winnie lightly shrugs. If bright eye and bushy tail was a person, it's Winnie. She's sitting up reading something off her laptop with a mug of tea like it's the breakfast table.
"What time is it?" My head falls back down against the pillow, not having it in me to look for my phone to check. I'm barely managing the keep back the urge to pull the blankets over my head.
"Almost ten thirty."
"Winnie, don't you ever sleep in?" My murmur turning into a yawn halfway through.
"This is sleeping in for me. My day usually starts before six. I'm usually opening the Lodge a bit after sunrise."
"You should quit." I grumble, letting my eyes shut. Her soft laugh makes me crack one eye open, a happy feeling settling in my chest. In the morning light I can see all her freckles dancing across the bridge of her nose as she laughs. I notice her eyelashes are a chocolate brown and how her entire back is lit up from the sun bringing out the gold tones in her dark brown hair. Right then and there I know I would never mind waking up at sunrise if I woke up to Winnie every day.
"Let's go back to sleep." I sigh, rolling onto my back and opening my arms wide so she can lay back on me. It may have been a tight fit but I've never slept so good in my life as I did last night with Winnie in my arms.
I can already tell she's thinking it over. Winnie isn't one for sleeping in till noon. She's one of those productive morning people. With a sign, I take her mug away from her and lean it over to the dresser. An easy distance with my height but not one she can make. Next, her laptop is left on the floor and I turn back around with open arms again.
"You can just rest your eyes." I yawn.
"I made you breakfast," I'm already sitting up.
"You did?" I rub the sleep out my eyes.
"Yeah, and your cereal will be too soggy to eat if we stay in bed." She's feisty in the morning. I flop back down, taking Winnie down with me. My arm circles around her shoulders, pulling her into my chest as we sink back into the bed.
"I'll make us breakfast in a bit." I promise, already feeling my eyes fall shut.
"You mean lunch, since it'll be three o'clock in the afternoon by the time we get out of bed." There's a chuckle against my neck where she's snuggled in.
"Brunch," I amend, shutting my eyes. "Next time I stay over Winnie, I'm packing a whole bag of food so we can stay in bed all day. I hope you like pre-packaged croissants and mini donuts."
"I'll put in a mini fridge in here for us." Her joke brings a lazy smile to my face. Winnie must have gotten eighteen hours of sleep while I must have slept only four, because she's so spunky this morning.
"You like surprises," Winnie says instead of asking if we're lost.
"I guess," I shrug off with a grin. In actuality I like surprising Winnie, which makes me smile to myself. After some breakfast and helping Enola with a few things around her house, I packed up my van with a delayed stop at the gas station to get some snacks, and told Winnie I had a surprise for the rest of the afternoon.
Forks is now an hour behind us.
For most of the ride, Winnie has been looking out the window to see where we're heading more than she's looked me in the eye. Though she hadn't asked me once where we're going. The entire drive she's been patient and good natured, mindlessly grabbing hold of my hand from the steering wheel whenever she wanted to ask where I'm taking her. The only clues I gave her were to dress warm. To keep the rain off her, she's in a thick white knit cable sweater that I suspect Enola probably knitted, leggings, a matching white knit hat that matches so well it has to be homemade too, my sherpa jean jacket, and short rain boots that stop at the ankle.
"I'm hoping you'll like this surprise," I'm suddenly nervous, our exit off the highway making me second guess myself. "If you don't, Winnie, we'll do whatever else you want."
I hadn't notice I'm anxiously drumming against the steering wheel till her hand clasps around mine to keep it still. The comforting squeeze she gives me goes right through me till it squeezes around my heart, the sensation warm and soothing that I raise our hands to press a kiss at her knuckles.
"I've never had a bad date with you. I know I'm going to like it."
"We've technically only had one date so far." I point out which makes Winnie rolls her eyes with a smile.
"I've never had a bad day with you, Embry" Winnie corrects. My heart fills up with something soft, yet all the while burning. It brings me so much joy to hear that from Winnie.
"Hopefully you won't after today." I debate driving the rest of way in reverse. Though it won't do much except delay Winnie's reaction. She sits up in her seat when she sees the sign greeting visitors to Sekiu Beach, her brown eyes stuck to it till it's completely out of sight. I chance a nervous glance at her, watching her go still as she stares out the windshield in search of the water. Since it stopped raining, I lower the windows to let in the salty air to clue in the fact we've reached the destination.
"I know the First Beach back in La Push isn't your favorite place. And you steer clear of Second and Third Beach too. But it's not right that you're the only Quiluete who doesn't get to go the beach, so I brought you out here so you could have a beach day away from the res." My eyes dart back and forth between Winnie and the road. I pull in slow into a near empty parking spot, the lines faded and the concrete threatening to crack from years of salty air and the sand grinding away at it. The waves roar dully away from us, the water lapping at the shore in low tides.
"It's the off season," Filling in the silence, I add in the fact to see if Winnie will ask to turn around back to La Push. "So, there's hardly any people here. We'll most likely have the entire beach to ourselves."
Her eyes roam over the beach, just searchingly running over every grain of sand.
"You drove an hour just so I could go to the beach?" Winnie finally turns back to me, her eyes shinny with disbelief. I know she's thinking about how we're only ten minutes from the beach everyday.
"Yeah."
"Embry, you could have taken us to Ruby or Rialto beach. They're closer." Winnie points out.
"They're only a thirty minute drive away." I shrug off. "And all the way out here, it's just us. No werewolves, no vampires, no locals. It's just you and me, Winnie." The look on her face made the drive worth it. Her eyes are full with a silent thank you. Her gaze is so full of love and bright, it feels like a spotlight on me, and I know I'm her person as much as she's my imprint.
"You like it?" I have to ask.
"Of course I like it." Winnie's already getting out the van, looking at the beach with fond eyes as she grips onto passenger door. I let Winnie take it all in, using the time to unload from the back of the van.
Sekiu Beach is a true North West Washington beach. The sand is a dark khaki color during sunny days but mostly gray after it rains. The shore is rocky, but surrounded by cliffs and trees. The water is dark, murky but still blue enough with the sunlight. It's empty except for the two of us. My werewolf senses pick up the nearest people walking all the way down at the end of the beach.
Waiting for Winnie at the blanket, I let her take her time till she's ready to walk onto the beach. I know she wouldn't want me to hold her hand and walk her. She will want to take the first steps in her own time. Even though this isn't First Beach, I know she's fighting off a lot of bad memories.
"Hungry?" I ask when she finally makes her way over, her rain boots dangling from her hand. She sits at the edge of the blanket, sinking her feet into the sand till they're buried at the ankle. I don't wait for her answer and instead offer her a bag of chips and half a sandwich. She eats some before forgetting about eating and draws patterns into the sand.
"So, am I like part of the pack now or something?" Winnie questions, looking up from our game of tik-tak-toe.
"Only after we tattoo the quileutae symbol on you, and cut some of your hair." I smile to myself at the sound of her soft laughter.
"I'll only do it if you get a tattoo of my name." Winnie counters, her eyes bright with a coy gleam just as she wins the game. "And I get to pick where."
"Say where, Winifred." I lift up my shirt to slap a hand on my stomach. Thinking it over, I know a part of me would do it. The idea turns from appealing to certain fast in my head, and I'm already picturing Winnie's name across my skin in cursive letters. Probably on my chest where my heart is or the inside of my arm so I could see it everyday. Though I know Winnie is the type of person who'd freak out with a 'those are permeant!'
After a beat of comfortable silence Winnie adds, "Please don't get a tattoo of my name." Then I'm holding my stomach from laughing so hard.
"Any other pack questions?" I bring up again. Winnie nods hesitantly, my senses picking up on how serious she turns as she wrangles with whatever she wants to ask. "There's no question I won't answer." I promise.
"Embry..." Winnie pauses, thinking over her words. She inches in closer, as if this has to stay just between us—not even the wind should hear it. "What I'm about to ask, you can tell me whether or not you don't want to talk about it. It's just you and I out here. However you want to answer is okay."
"Okay," I encourage her to keep going with a nod. Winnie gives me a long look before deciding to ask.
"Embry... Do you like being a werewolf?"
The question makes me freeze. I'm taken off guard at how my immediate answer isn't yes, the lack of certainty growing more and more unsettling till it hits my stomach so bad it leaves me winded. Then I realize something more definite than my own answer; no one has ever asked me that before.
Not my mom, not Sam or Old Quil, or my own friends. No one has ever stopped to ask me if I'm okay with the Change.
All of sudden I do know my answer, and it only brings on a feeling so dismal my chest aches right where my heart is.
"No..." Hearing it out loud—even in my own voice—is unnerving to hear. "No Winnie, I don't like being a werewolf...I don't hate it. I make the best out of it. But, it's not something I wanted for myself. It changed my life, and I'm still not sure if that was for the better. I was really young—I'm still young—and before I really got to live my life it changed everything. I'm an outcast now, because the res thinks I'm in a cult... and Changing was a pain so terrible I thought I was going to die. I didn't get to finish high school. I don't get to go to the college because the pack needs me, the res needs me. I was given a responsibility that I might die for. And—"
I would keep going but Winnie's arms wind around me. I hadn't notice she came in so close, balancing on her knees as she pulls me into her. I let myself sink into her comfort, letting it soothe me. The hurt ebbs away little by little from how good it feels to be this close to Winnie. Focusing on the feeling of her wrapped around me, on the rise and fall of her chest against my side, on the muffled sound of her heartbeat that's more calming than the sounds of the waves ever could be.
"I'm sorry, today is about you Winnie, not me." I'm desperate to change the subject.
"There's enough trauma to go around." Her grin is sad, but I appreciate her attempting to stay in a good mood. Her cheek rests against my head, the gesture making me pull her down in a tender embrace. "It's just you and me out here, Embry. The res is miles away from us." Winnie reminds me, before asking another question. "It's okay to wish it never happen. If you could make things go back to normal, would you?"
"I try not let myself think about what ifs. Mostly because the pack can hear each other's thoughts." I can feel Winnie stifle a jolt of surprise, her body clamping down on the urge to react with her muscles flinching against me. That's something I have to explain later. Winnie nods along anyway.
"Also it's hard. It's really hard to think about what if my mom raised me on the Makah reservation instead? Would I have had a different father? Would I have known him? Would my mom have found someone good for us? Would I have turned anyway if a Cold One came through if I lived there? Would I have been alone? Would I have survived? What would have happened if I never turned at all? Here or there... I can't let myself ask those questions because they will eat me alive."
I hear Winnie murmur my name to herself, the sound so muted I would have missed it if it wasn't for the werewolf hearing. It was so low I'm not even sure Winnie realized she said it.
"But... I don't think I'd go back to normal if I could. I've protected my friends, I've helped kept the Cold Ones from getting into the Res... I wouldn't trade my friends or my mom or anyone being in harms way for even a day of normality." I let out a sigh of relief when Winnie presses a kiss to the top of my head, the gesture lingering for a long moment as if she's pressing the words 'I love you' right into me. Something in me buzzes, and my hands bring Winnie in closer till she's facing me.
"Winnie, I have to ask you something." There's been a question I've been avoiding, one that's been lodged deep down in me that has been the reason why I had avoided telling Winnie the truth for so long. "Are you okay with being with me? I'm not entirely human. Are you okay with being with a werewolf?"
"It's you, Embry." Her brown eyes are soft against me, the sunlight catching them, turning them a bronze color. Her hand comes to rest against my chest, right on the spot where my heart is. "The Change didn't change this. Remember that, okay? You're still you. You may morph into a giant wolf, but everything else about you is still right here. There's so much good about you Embry—so much. And that is never going to change. I feel special because I get to be with you, I get to be loved by a heart so good, it's practically golden."
"It brought me you, Winnie. The Change." I point out, my hand reaching up to grab hold of her chin. "You're the best part of this."
A smile breaks out across my face, that happy feeling in my chest getting bigger and bigger till I can't stop myself from cupping her face with both hands and planting a deep kiss on her. It's the kind of kiss that has the world tilting when her hands pull me in by my shirt. My mouth works hard against hers, because I can't get close enough and I want her to know—to feel how happy she makes me. I want her to feel how fast she makes my heart go in my chest, I want her hands to the feel my pulse jumping at my neck where she's pulling me in, I want her to feel how tight my body goes whenever she touches me, I want her to feel all that joy she gives me simmer till it boils over, and where it goes to seethes in my body.
The soft sound of her back landing against the blanket is what drives me over the edge. It's the smallest of sounds, a simple sigh of fabric against fabric. Yet it's the all important reminder for me to stop things before I lose control, but I can't. Every second of Winnie; touching her, breathing her in, the way her body arches up into my wanton hands, the little sigh she makes between kisses is making it all the harder to stop. Instead, I convince myself I'm taking a breather by kissing down her neck, savoring the taste of her against me rather than clearing my mind. I'm sinking... I'm sinking into Winnie.
"Embry—" I'm back on Winnie's mouth at the sound of my name on her lips, swallowing up the little gasp she makes. Her hands are everywhere. They started at tugging on my shirt, to sliding underneath down my chest, now her hands are pulling me in between her legs by my belt loops.
"Wait," My head yanks up, the sudden burst of air frustrating rather than relieving. My voice isn't mine, it's a growl. Pinching my eyes shut, I take rushed intakes of air until it comes out normal. "Wait, wait, wait..."
Despite being more worried about what I'll see, I open them anyway. Then immediately pull back before I lunge at Winnie again. She's splayed out on the blanket, her sweater half way off and the jacket she borrowed from me crumbled up in the far corner of the blanket. Glancing over my shoulder, I spot her hat on the opposite corner. My fists clench up when I notice the white lace trim of her bra peeking out from her sweater.
"That's what I meant earlier—about not liking that the Change. I can lose control." I blink, my hands smoothing out her sweater back down. Winnie's eyes follows my hands, then watching my hands fly back to my slides like they're on fire.
"Do you always lose control?" Winnie asks sitting up on her hands.
"No," I shake my head. "I actually have the best control out of the entire pack second to Sam."
"But it's getting harder to stay in control?" Winnie fills in. "With me?"
"Yes." It hurts to admit, but this fact is between every kiss we share. It's this impending realization that keeps shoving us apart. And if we ignore it...
"So, every time I'm ready to take that step, you can't take it with me?" Winnie keeps her face still but her eyes gives her away.
"You're ready?" I would have fallen backwards if I hadn't caught myself. I'm nearly dizzy from how fast the blood drains and collects in my core.
"Yes..." Winnie turns pink, but she toughs through it with a fond look. My head falls back to release a groan, my hands balling up at my sides.
"Is that not okay?"
"Of course it's okay. Trust me, it's so okay we would have been ready ten minutes ago on this blanket." Her chuckles doesn't help clearing up my mind. "The problem is, I'm not ready, Winnie. I want to be. But until I get better control and I'm certain I won't change or hurt you, we can't take that step yet."
"For how long?" Winnie's eyes are practically pleading. Risking what little control I kept, I lean forward till we're an inch apart. She leans in, and I have to bite down on my lip to remind myself to keep my hands to myself.
"Until I have better control. Till then we can manage everything else but that." I rasp out. "I'm starting to wish I brought us something to swim in, because going head first into the ocean right now is exactly what I need."
"Everything else?" The way Winnie questions it has my blood racing, because the tone of her voice is daring me to show her exactly what everything else entails. My stomach does excited flips when she gets to her feet, then completely drops when she pulls her sweater over her head. The lace bra is now in full view, the pattern better than I originally imagine. Her face is pink, quickly becoming red but she carries on.
"Winnie—" My voice is hoarse.
"You said, you wanted to go swimming." Next her leggings are a crumbled pile on the sand. I completely forget how to breathe when I see the matching underwear. The same lace around her hips, the little strip of fabric making me forget why I'm down here on this damn blanket.
"Winnie, you're killing me." My voice comes out pained—nearly begging. I can't look away. I'm putting all my willpower into staying where I am. If I make a grab for her, Winnie is not getting her clothes back on. And if I join her in the water...
"Just a quick dip." Winnie smiles down at the sound in a nervous way, taking quick strides backwards. Her hands reach behind her back and I bolt up.
"Winnie please—" The bra lands on the sand. She's running for the water now, and I'm trailing after her like a man starved. Then the lace underwear is on the ground and I'm now up to my knees in water.
I fight for words, any words.
The only thing that comes out is a growl. The water could be ice cold but at this point I can't feel it. I'm tearing at my clothes, and I'm not sure if it's to keep my hands busy or because I want Winnie so bad. She's not too far ahead, treading water in a lull between waves, a spot where they're just beginning to rise and lazily swaying her up.
I catch just a flash of a timid but excited smile before my hands close around her. They plunge down into the water to grab her by the back of her thighs, pulling her up into my chest where I can feel every inch of her. She lets out a choked gasp, feeling just how damn ready I am against her inner thigh. I press her into me, just so she can feel every inch of it grind against her core.
"Embry," Winnie barely gets out a breath before I crash our mouths together. Then we're in the water. A wave taking us down into its blue depths.
"How is it that whenever we go to the beach, you end up naked?" I blast the heat in my van, giving Winnie a pointed look. She laughs next to me, completely sobbing wet. Her usual brown hair is now black from the beach, the strands sticking to her skin. Her clothes are damp, not doing much to dry her off.
"Tradition?" Winnie laughs. I feel exhausted, while Winnie is glowing. We were dragged to shore before anything could happen. I had only seconds before I shifted, changing then taking a much needed run. When I shifted back, I just sat on the beach and let Winnie swim, enjoying a side of her neither of us have seen since freshman year. Watching her swim was... fulfilling. Every dive, every grin, every wave from the water just felt so right.
Getting her out of the water without incident was hard though. The hickey on her neck is a testament on how hard it was to get Winnie redressed.
"This tradition is going to put me into the ground early." I sigh, wondering how I'm going to make the hour drive back while keeping my hands to myself the entire way.
Author's note: Hi guys, just a reminder that I'm upping the rating. If anyone is uncomfortable with this change I encourage you to stop reading, as the chapters will be graphic from this point on.